I have a minute for myself, and it usually helps to write about how I’m feeling, but I think typing will make it easier to come back to, if I ever decide to. My life is becoming what I want it to be, I think. My friends are treating me with the respect I believe I deserve, I have a girlfriend of almost exactly six months; I’m well liked, and that’s still number one. Satellite goals include becoming better at my sport, finding an internship, and making my father and coaches proud of me. That last one is the most important I think. I don’t know. I feel like I’m so close, my academic troubles are over for now, but I’m still so far away from the best version of myself. When I hit that mark, when I can say that I’ve done enough, then I’ll sit back, relax, and be content. Until then, I need to find a place that hires engineering students at literally the last possible moment, get with a coach from my home town so I can work on a pitching schedule, and figure out what else I’m doing with my athletic career. My coach recommended a league with players who should probably be hanging up the cleats, something similar to a beer league. I don’t like that sort of attitude towards my baseball. Something last minute and half-assed is the last thing I’m looking for, so I’m going to find a league myself.
I feel like I’m stuck in a lot of ways: the internship I’m applying for hasn’t called me back, the coaches are all showing less and less interest in what I’m doing, and I always feel like there’s too much to do. I need to clean my room right now but I really haven’t in about 6 months, which makes sense since I haven’t spent more than two nights in a row in my bed in about that time. I think my patience is inhibiting, I’m waiting too long for things to get better, and the worst part is that I really believe they will. I should have moved on a long time ago, but its too late for those kind of regrets now, I need to keep pushing and prove some people wrong. I still feel like I’m missing that important part of my life, and I know that Tessa already found hers. I’m getting left behind, and I’m not ready for the loneliness that will come with that. I still don’t have a job. I need a job. I need a job.
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