the days I tried to live

1) try to live normal; 2) run away, disappear; 3) ...

[drownresurrect]

Weird that I'm still alive. Ashamed as hell. Those bright sneakers will remind me of that.

[oh-starry-eyes]

MLB✨

[alisonnicolemosshart]

Alison Mosshart with Jack White in Paris, 2012.

[drownresurrect]

I used to bottle it ALL up. And during this time I met people who learned me this way. I also met my best friend.

This bottle suddenly bursted out.

Sometimes I feel so guilty, like I've betrayed them/her.

Suddenly I am vulnerable and emotional.

They learned me as this cool-headed, quirky girl from a good, educated family.

Things change. Abruptly.

That's the way it is.

https://youtu.be/YdW5-uJqCVY

[drownresurrect]

I have to calm down. That's it.

[the-nihilist]

Alice in chains, Love, Hate, Love,

Live in Seattle

[doorsiana]

Photo session for the album Waiting For The Sun February 1968: Photo by Paul Ferrara. 

[damnedbluecollartweeker]

Visit Original Link

Bone China by Mother Love Bone, off their 1990 album Apple.

[oh-starry-eyes]

MLB✨

[mummy-dust]

[drownresurrect]

I'm not here

Identity crisis

Poor self-esteem

Self-induced bullshit

Addictions

Traumas

Weakness

Self-pity

Self-chosen isolation

Ruined senses

Bitter dreams

Paranoia

I fall sleep thinking about Annie and Peter. These are the characters I've created in my mind, so I guess. I see both Peter and Annie. Should I write a book?

Well, shit, no. Not yet. With this lifestyle there's no such book. But the plot calms me down. A combination of everything and nothing that has happened.

I was always so proud - I had nothing to regret. Now it eats me, it devastates me. This all happened. In a way, though, I can't control everything. Sadly. Thus, issues.

When I'm totally 'done', I write 'poetry'. Some days later I'm sitting there with scissors, cutting that morbid shit out. Disgusted, and at the same time understanding. I was having in my mind that I'll die soon. That I want to leave a message behind. It's like I'm programmed, but failing to execute.

Do not even bring up my appearance. Once - always.

So sad that alcohol has calories. I give up food for a drink.

I guess alcohol reminds me of the good times. A few of are good, afterwards, however, I'm going mad.

I don't know how to live anymore. Before that I never thought about this superficial bullshit.

Now I'm losing my train of thought.

I'm so frustrated that we're not ONE yet (HOW?!) How.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpDQJnI4OhU

[drownresurrect]

these days

lately thinking

will i ever come out of my shell 

finally

struggling just like everybody else

if not less

still struggling with this vanity shit

I am still here

waving hi to my dearest one

never to return

[drownresurrect]

march

I can´t remember a good start of the year anymore.

this one (so far at least) can´t be compared to the previous one. still sucks. the first months will always feel heavier than the others. in general, sometimes it feels like it´s only starting to progress.

I quit the job, in a way this worldwide crisis saved me from any nearest confrontations. I´m still having anxiety, but I´m calming myself down, this is nothing, absolutely nothing... what a sad way to comfort myself...

I´m starting to remember my dreams again. Tonight I was counting the falling stars.

[drownresurrect]

february´s aftertaste

Maybe that evening opened my mind to what could be going on. And the morning after even more. I walked the city streets feeling only my shelf and my barely blinking eyes. I could stare for hours without any particular thoughts, emotions... 

I still remember the questions she asked during that evening experience. I could not think about any of that. I had no thoughts at all. Even if the questions were unexpected and, I guess, provoking (maybe unintentionally). If I were drunk, that would´ve turned out way differently. 

Well, now I´m getting lost in my ramblings about some kind of aftertaste. Or maybe it´s just some random dark-blah-blah-wave that makes me drift away. Can´t listen to my favourite bands, my favourite songs. I need something random. Less reaction. 

[rearviewmirror10]

Layne Staley lives within.

[drownresurrect]

compulsive

so now I´m into waking up tomorrow and going to the park to have my breakfast in the company of my bicycle. 

Let´s see how that will work after 2 bottles of wine (I hope I´ll stop at 1,5). 

[onlybandlyrics]

Do you remember when it didn’t used to be so dark, and everything was possible still?

- Katatonia // The One You Are Looking For Is Not Here