There isn’t gonna be a description 😝
Masterlist of Masterlists
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I don't even know how to start this.
Every time I tried before, I stopped after the first sentence. So I'll just say the thing I should've said before vanishing.
I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye.
I know that must have felt terrible. One day I was just... gone. No explanation. No fight. No last hug. I used to tell myself that disappearing was easier than explaining. The truth is, it was just the only thing I was brave enough to do.
I don't know what any of you look like anymore, or who you became. I only know the versions of you I carry in my head, stuck in that time when we thought everything would last forever.
It's strange how time works.
For me, everything froze in pieces.
I still think about the first night we met at school. None of us were supposed to be there. Dark halls, whispered laughter, that weird feeling like something important was starting and we didn't even know it yet.
Outside the rain pounded against the windowpanes. A few drops made their way inside and dampened the carpeted floor that the school had only recently had installed.
My eyes widened as I jolted my head up from my desk and looked out the window. My mouth slightly open as I noticed the darkness slowly spreading across the evening sky and the orange red colors beginning to sink down the horizon.
A few clouds covered the sky as the rain continued to fall.
With a sigh I stood up from my spot while my eyes caught the things I must have knocked down during my sleep.
A small cough escaped me as I slowly knelt down and picked up the scattered items from the floor.
A loud door slam could be heard and almost immediately a groan followed.
"I told you to be quiet!"
"Fuck. The janitor. Hide!"
Footsteps could be heard along with hurried movement.
I could see how one person hid behind the teacher's desk while the other hid behind one of the student desks.
The beam of the flashlight the janitor held in his hand shone into the classroom for a few seconds before he focused back on the hallway and the heavy almost rough footsteps of the janitor faded away.
The person behind the teacher's desk let out a relieved breath. "Hyein? Everything okay? I think we are safe for now"
Hyein also let out a relieved breath and pulled her phone from her pocket. The flashlight blinded me instantly which made me squeeze my eyes shut but all I could hear was a loud bang.
My eyes opened again and I saw how the person by the teacher's desk now covered her mouth to suppress her startled scream.
"Sorry," I said with a light laugh as I held my notebook which I had just picked up from the floor in front of my mouth. "I did not mean to scare you"
Hyein was the first one to start laughing as well. Her finger pointed at her friend as she burst into laughter louder than expected. It was quite obvious that she was laughing at her.
After I had also calmed down I packed my things into my backpack but I could still feel the eyes of the two of them on me. Especially since the phone light was very clearly directed at me.
"I am Hyein, that over there is Danielle"
A small hum escaped me as I closed my backpack and placed it right on the desk.
I immediately raised my hand in front of my eyes to shield them from the beam of the light as I turned toward the two girls.
Danielle rolled her eyes in amusement as her hand settled on her hip.
"So what exactly are you doing here this late? School ended hours ago"
My eyes adjusted back to the darkness immediately as Hyein turned the light off completely. I looked over at Danielle right away and a small smile formed on my face.
"Well. I must have fallen asleep and nobody woke me up. What are you doing here?"
Hyein and Danielle looked at each other for a short moment. Both hesitated until Hyein suddenly began to bounce excitedly in place. She immediately grabbed some kind of walkie talkie with a sticking out antenna.
"We are here to track down a ghost"
Almost instantly my eyebrow lifted as I looked first at the walkie talkie then at Hyein and then at Danielle before returning my gaze to Hyein.
Hyein nodded like crazy. A wide grin on her face. "Oh come on. You have surely heard about our school ghost"
A shake of my head from my side was enough.
"Some people have already seen it. It haunts the place between midnight and two in the morning. Nobody knows what it looks like but they say you can hear loud knocking and some kind of... what was it again, Dani?"
"Music. They say you can hear music"
Amused by it I let out a small laugh. My back had long since leaned against the desk. "Sounds exciting"
"Yes. We would be happy if you came with us"
Surprised by another voice all of our heads turned toward the other two who were just closing the door behind them.
"Hyein, Danielle. How many times do I have to tell you two that this ghost does not even exist?"
Annoyed Hyein groaned and threw her arms dramatically into the air before fully turning toward the two newcomers. Danielle however only smiled awkwardly.
"Oh come on Minji. The ghost exists. Really!"
The slightly smaller person next to this Minji girl began to laugh a little. Amused she looked first at Minji and then at us. "That is why Minji dragged me out of bed to check it out"
"Hanni!" the taller one complained now that her reason had been revealed.
My head tilted to the side as I looked at each of them once. "How about we search together? You all seem to be here for the same reason and I am bored anyway"
"Fine," Minji said a little spitefully, most likely still embarrassed that Hanni had exposed her. Especially in front of strangers.
"Then let us go," Danielle immediately smiled again as she grabbed Hyein's arm and mine and pulled us toward the other two girls who were just opening the classroom door and together we stepped out into the hallway.
Hyein turned on her weird walkie talkie which immediately started to beep. "It beeps faster when we get closer to the ghost. Just follow me"
"Who are you actually?" Minji asked as we happened to be walking right next to each other. Right behind Hyein and in front of Danielle and Hanni.
"Pshh," Hyein said as she suddenly stopped. She first pointed her walkie talkie to the left and then to the right where the path split. The beeping grew louder and faster when she held it to the left and quieter and slower when she pointed it to the right.
"Shit... this thing actually works?" surprised my eyes widened. Minji next to me now looked much more curious even though she clearly did not want to show it.
The beeping grew louder with every step. Especially when we started to go up the stairs. Hanni who had been quiet until now began to mutter softly out of worry that we should stop all of this. Danielle also seemed concerned.
But I could hardly keep my curiosity in check. "What is it? Why are you stopping?"
Hyein now turned around to face us. Only then did I notice how her hand holding the walkie talkie was shaking. A fearful yet excited smile on her face.
"I do not dare to go any further"
"You cannot be serious. We are so close," Danielle.
"Let us just go home. Forget all of this," Hanni.
Amused I started to laugh a little. "Give me that thing. I will go first"
"Woohooo. Yn? You are my new favorite person," the taller one immediately pressed the walkie talkie into my hand and stepped aside to clear the way.
"Do we really have to go through with this?"
A sigh escaped from Hanni's throat as she hesitantly began to nod. My eyes moved to every single one of them and I waited for a nod from each as well.
Only then did I move forward.
The so called music of the ghost could now also be heard. Right as midnight struck. This only made Hanni more afraid as she practically clung to Danielle.
When we reached a door we all stopped. The beeping of the walkie talkie loud and fast and the bar on the display already red. "It is here"
"Wait wait. I need to prepare myself"
Patiently I waited with my hand on the door handle. Danielle and Hanni took deep breaths. Minji right behind me was visibly shaking while Hyein bounced in place.
"Open it. Open it. Open it," Hyein said clearly curious and excited.
Without hesitating even for another second I opened the door to the music room. The music which had been muffled by the door before now filled the entire room.
I heard everyone gasp in shock while my eyes were simply fixed on the person who was playing her guitar with her eyes closed.
Surprised that every girl knew the name of the supposed stranger I briefly turned to them. The music stopped instantly as this Haerin girl opened her eyes and noticed us in the room.
Wasn't it funny? Haerin being the ghost we all wanted to chase? Even if I got dragged into all of this I wouldn't change a single thing.
Since this was the start of our friendship.
A friendship that changed me.
And then the hideout. God, the hideout. That place felt like it belonged to us alone. Like the rest of the world didn't matter as long as we were there.
I would've stayed there...
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„I can't believe that Haerin was the ghost that everyone talks about"
Minji groaned out as she leaned against her hands. Her legs straightened. Hanni was sitting on the swing laughing. Danielle sitting on top of the climbing frame. Hyein being at the bottom of the slide while still trying to make her way up. I was just sitting on top of this spring rocker. Rocking slightly forward and backwards.
"Sorry," Haerin said softly with a small chuckle as she sat down on the swing next to Hanni on the other one. Amused by it I simply shook my head.
"But hey. At least it brought us together. Who would have thought that this group would form?"
Danielle was immediately the first to start nodding happily. After all Minji was right too. Who would have thought that this group would form? I certainly would not have.
To be honest I thought I would stay completely alone. At least until we moved again...
But luckily I had been wrong.
"So?", I began now. My eyes fixed on Haerin. "You like playing the guitar?"
Haerin nodded her head. Her hands holding onto the chains as she swung back and forth. Hanni next to her however only used the swing as a chair.
"And especially at this time?"
Haerin first looked at Hanni and then at Minji since they were the ones who asked the questions. She had now stopped taking momentum and simply let gravity move her.
"My parents forbid me to play guitar at home. And at exactly this time the janitor leaves the school"
"That is shitty. Why do your parents even forbid you to do that?"
"Yeah man. Play as much as you want!"
Haerin smiled as she looked at each of us. "Can you guys play too?"
"I used to be good at piano. I do not know if I still can"
My eyes immediately shifted to Hyein who only shook her head. "I cannot play an instrument either. I just prefer listening to music"
Hyein grinned widely as she slid down the slide and landed on both feet. "We should form a band!"
Surprised by that we all looked at each other for a few seconds.
Hyein nodded like crazy just like back then when she talked about the ghost.
A laugh escaped my throat. "That is a perfect idea, Hyein. You will play the bass then"
Smiling my head immediately tilted to the side. "Then learn it. I will help you with it too"
Haerin hummed softly. Her eyes first wandered to the ground before she looked at each of us. "Can I... show you something?"
It did not take very long until we arrived back at the school.
"So... it is not really anything special," Haerin began slowly. Together we walked up the stairs. "But... well... I found this room when I had to get something for a teacher"
The door to the room in question was opened. Our eyes widened as we stepped inside right away.
The room was huge and was clearly being treated like a storage room. Empty boxes, desks and a few chairs could be seen. In some places there were already spider webs and we could spot a cockroach fleeing the room.
The cockroach immediately made me jump and almost instantly I held onto Danielle who just started laughing.
"We could all chip in and make this room look nicer"
Haerin visibly blushed as she nodded with a smile on her face. "Exactly... that is what I thought too"
A cough escaped my throat which made me immediately raise my hand to my mouth. Minji instantly handed me a bottle of water which I accepted gratefully. "Sorry. I swallowed wrong"
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You were five people that changed my life. Atleast for this one summer... I was alive. Free...
finally... able to breath.
Minji— you always acted tough, like nothing could get to you. But you were the first one to show up when someone was hurting. You never said much about it, you just... stayed.
Hanni — you had this calm way of talking that made everything feel manageable. You listened. Really listened. I think that's why people trusted you with things they never said out loud.
Danielle — you were impossible to ignore. Loud, dramatic, annoying sometimes, but you made us laugh when we needed it the most. Even on the worst days, you found a way to pull us back into the light.
Hyein — you were always dreaming about somewhere else. Bigger things. Better things. You never let the rest of us settle for "good enough," even when we wanted to.
I don't even know how to write about you without giving myself away completely. You weren't just another part of the group to me. You were the person I looked for in every room. The one I wanted to sit next to. The one I trusted with my silences.
Somewhere along the way, I fell in love with you. Quietly. Slowly. Without meaning to.
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Nodding my head I vibed to the music. Hanni at the microphone, her eyes fixed right on me. A smile on her face as she hit every note effortlessly.
Minji loudly set the beat on the drums. A grin on her face while sweat ran down her temples. Her hands wrapped around the sticks perfectly.
Danielle worked the electric keyboard with her long fingers. Calm and powerful.
Hyein, who still awkwardly stared at her fingers and very clearly counted the beat in her head, left behind a deep but calm tone. A support that was more powerful than it seemed.
Haerin who threw her head back, her eyes closed, her fingers moving over the strings as if rehearsed a thousand times. Her foot tapped along. Her smile widened as she noticed that every single one of them complimented the other through their playing.
I pulled out my phone and filmed everything. A rehearsal that felt like my very own private concert. A concert just for me.
Over and over my eyes wandered to every single person, yet they lingered on Haerin the longest. Only when Haerin opened her eyes and looked straight into the camera did I flinch.
She kept staring into the camera. A smile on her face. A smile that made something inside of me lose its balance.
Clearing my throat I straightened up on the couch. A blush spread across my pale skin as I quickly pointed the camera at someone else. My face completely hidden behind my phone.
The sounds slowly faded and I lowered my phone.
Speechless we all just stared at each other.
Smiling we all looked at each other as we could only agree with Hyein.
"We absolutely have to perform!"
Hanni smiled as she screwed the water bottle shut that she had just been drinking from. "I saw a flyer. We could send in a tape and if we win... we perform on a real stage"
"Yesss!!! Let's do it! We are doing it, right?"
Minji's eyebrows were raised. "We actually sounded really good"
My lips parted as I looked at Haerin. A small smile on her lips while her cheeks were visibly flushed. Probably because the thought of performing stirred something inside her.
"You I mean you all are perfect. Sure there were one or two mistakes but nothing we cannot fix with practice"
Haerin nodded as she placed her guitar back in its spot. She was also the first one who walked straight toward the couch and sat down right next to me.
Almost instantly everyone agreed. "We need a name"
My eyes widened as I noticed all of them looking at me now. Speechless I pointed at myself. "I am supposed to decide?"
Laughing Hanni came over and sat down right on the armrest. She took my arm and placed it on her legs. "Of course. You are our manager after all“
"No no... more like N J Z"
The room slowly grew quieter after the excitement settled. Everyone was busy with something. Packing instruments away. Drinking water. Talking softly among themselves.
She was still sitting next to me. So close that our arms were almost touching. I could feel the warmth from her skin and suddenly I became far too aware of my own breathing.
My eyes slid over to her without permission.
Her lashes were long. Her lips still slightly parted from playing. A few loose strands of hair clung to her forehead. And for the first time since we met I noticed how soft her smile really was when she was not focused on music.
Somewhere deep inside my chest something shifted.
Slowly. Quietly. Unavoidable.
"You played really well," I said softly.
She turned her head toward me. Our eyes met.
"So did you," she replied just as quietly.
For a moment there was nothing else. No band. No room. No sound. Just her eyes and the strange tight feeling in my chest that I suddenly understood far too well.
My fingers curled slightly against my own leg as the realization settled in. I liked her. Not just as a friend. Not just as a bandmate.
"Yn?" Haerin asked carefully. "Are you okay?"
Her concern made my heart skip.
"I am," I said quickly. "Just... thinking."
She smiled again. That same soft smile.
Across the room Danielle watched us over the rim of her bottle. Minji leaned in next to her and whispered something. They both exchanged knowing looks. Hanni noticed too and nudged Minji with her elbow. A quiet grin formed on her face.
Only Hyein was completely unaware as she excitedly talked about outfits for the future performance.
"Yn," Haerin said again. This time even softer.
"Thank you. For believing in us. In me."
"Always," I replied without thinking.
Her hand shifted just a little. And accidentally. Or maybe not. Our pinkies touched.
It was barely noticeable.
But my whole body felt it.
Neither of us pulled away.
The others slowly started to leave one after another.
Minji was the first, saying something about having to study. Danielle followed right after her. Hanni took Hyein with her, still talking excitedly about stage lights and outfits as they disappeared down the stairs.
The hideout felt different now. Smaller. Warmer. Too quiet for how loud my thoughts were.
I sat on the couch, my hands folded in my lap. Haerin leaned against one of the old desks, her guitar resting next to her. Our eyes met for a brief second before I looked away again.
"You good?" she asked softly.
I nodded a little too quickly. "Yeah."
Then a cough escaped me before I could stop it. I turned my head away and covered my mouth with my sleeve. Quiet. Controlled. Like I always tried to do.
"Yn," she said carefully and stepped closer. She stopped right in front of me. "You have been coughing a lot lately."
"I am fine," I replied instantly.
Her eyes moved over me slowly. Not in a judging way. In a worried way. "You also got thinner."
"I just... forgot to eat sometimes," I mumbled.
She did not look convinced.
"Do not do that," she said quietly. "You matter too."
That simple sentence hit harder than anything else.
My fingers dug into the fabric of my pants as I looked up at her. She was so close now. I could see every tiny detail of her face. The soft concern in her eyes. The slight tension in her jaw.
"I—" my voice failed for a second. I swallowed. "Haerin... there is something I—"
My heart was loud. Too loud.
She leaned in just a little. "Yeah?"
Another cough climbed up my throat but this time it mixed with panic. Fear rushed through me just as fast.
What if she did not feel the same.
"I just wanted to say..." my voice grew quieter. "That you are really important to the band."
Her expression softened into a smile but something in her eyes dimmed for just a split second.
"I am glad," she said. "You are important to me too."
We both sat down on the couch but left a small space between us. Too small to be casual. Too big to be honest.
Haerin immediately turned toward me. Her hand hesitated in the air before gently landing on my arm.
"Yn... you do not have to pretend with me," she whispered. "If something is wrong, you can tell me."
My lips parted again. My heart pounded against my ribs.
"I am just tired," I said.
She searched my face for a long moment.
"Okay," she whispered. "But I am here. Whenever you are ready."
Her hand stayed on my arm a second longer before she pulled back.
And I hated myself for not reaching after it.
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Do you remember? The night we spent at the hideout? Just you and me... talking about the future?
I've been thinking about that lately. Almost every passing second... and I'm sorry... sorry for breaking that promise as well.
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The hideout was quiet in a different way that night.
Not the loud silence that came after music.
Not the messy silence that came with laughter still stuck in the walls.
Outside, rain tapped against the broken window frame in slow, tired rhythms. The one weak lamp we had left cast long shadows across the floor. Everyone else had gone home early. Exams. Parents. Sleep.
We sat on the floor with our backs against the couch. Her shoulder brushed mine—barely—but it made my whole body feel too small for my heart. My knees were pulled to my chest. She had her guitar resting in her lap, fingers lazily moving over the strings without really playing anything.
Just sound without shape.
I always watched her hands.
"You're quiet," she said.
She hummed softly. "That's because I'm thinking."
She laughed. Really laughed. And for a second the hideout felt warm again.
Silence returned after that. But this time it didn't feel empty.
My head slowly leaned against her shoulder.
As if I was asking without asking.
She froze for half a second.
Then she relaxed into it.
Neither of us said anything.
"Yn," she said quietly. "Do you ever think about the future?"
I stared at the cracked wall in front of us. At the faded posters. At the place where our band name was written in crooked marker.
"I don't know," I whispered. "I just... I want to stay like this forever."
Her fingers stilled on the strings.
"Yeah. You. The hideout. The band. Nights that end too fast and mornings that start too early."
She turned her head slightly. I could feel her breath near my hair.
"I don't want this to be just a phase," she admitted. "I don't want this to be one of those things people look back on and say, 'Yeah, that was nice once.'"
"It won't be," I said too quickly. "We won't let it."
"After graduating," she said slowly, "I want to travel."
"Everywhere," she said with a small laugh. "Busking in cities we don't know. Playing in parks. On streets. Anywhere that lets us stay just a little while."
I imagined her doing that.
Sun on her face. Music in her hands. A future where she kept moving forward.
"That sounds... amazing," I whispered.
She looked at me. Really looked at me.
"I want you there," she said.
My breath caught painfully.
"You do?" I asked before I could stop myself.
"Of course I do," she said, like it was obvious. Like it didn't scare her at all. "You're part of this. You always have been."
I pressed my lips together, afraid my voice would betray me.
"Maybe," I said slowly, forcing a small smile, "maybe we can all go."
"I'd like that," she said. "I really would."
The moment stretched thin between us.
I wanted to tell her then.
That my body was already betraying me.
That I was afraid of becoming a memory in a future she was building.
Instead, I lifted my pinky.
She smiled faintly and linked her pinky with mine.
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I never told you. Not because I didn't feel it enough, but because I felt it too much. I was scared of ruining what we already had.
Leukemia doesn't sound real at first. It sounds like a word that belongs to other people. Doctors, hospital rooms, bad stories you hear about and never think will touch you. Until it does.
At first, I thought I'd beat it. I really did. I told myself I'd go through treatment, lose my hair, hate my life for a while, and then come back. I imagined walking into the hideout like nothing had happened. Like I hadn't disappeared.
But I kept getting weaker. And time kept moving without me.
I didn't leave because I didn't care. I left because I didn't know how to watch you look at me with hope when I was starting to lose mine. I didn't know how to be the sick one in the group. I didn't know how to be the person you might have to say goodbye to.
So I vanished. And I hate myself a little for that.
What you don't know is how many times I almost reached out. How many nights I lay in bed with my phone in my hand, your names on my screen, and no courage in my body. Leaving without a word looked cruel from the outside. Living with that decision felt worse.
——————————————————————————-
Not the peaceful kind. The kind that pressed against my ears until my own breathing sounded foreign. The curtains were pulled shut even though it was still daytime. I could tell by the way the light leaked through the edges. Pale. Weak. Just like me.
I sat on the edge of the bed with a blanket wrapped around my shoulders.
My phone was in my hands.
Haerin's name right there on the screen.
I had not been to school in weeks. At first I told myself it was just until I felt stronger. Then until the treatment got easier. Then until I stopped throwing up. Then until I stopped losing so much weight that my clothes no longer fit the same.
Then I stopped making excuses.
Because the truth was that I did not look like myself anymore.
And I did not feel like myself either.
My fingers hovered over her name. Shaking. Always shaking now.
"She would come," a small voice inside me said. "She would not even hesitate."
And that was exactly the problem.
Because I wanted her to come.
I wanted her to sit on the edge of my bed and complain about the smell of disinfectant. I wanted to hear her laugh too loud in a room that felt like it was eating me alive. I wanted to feel her hand on mine and pretend for five minutes that I was still just Yn. The manager. The girl in the hideout. Not the patient.
Tears dripped onto the phone.
"I just want you," I whispered into the empty room.
My thumb almost pressed her name.
But then I imagined her face when she saw me.
Not the smiling Haerin from the hideout. Not the Haerin who threw her head back when she laughed. But a frozen version of her. Quiet. Scared. Trying not to cry for me.
And the thought crushed what was left of my courage.
I did not want to be something she had to be strong for.
I did not want to be the reason she learned what helplessness felt like.
Another wave of weakness rolled through my body and I had to curl forward, pressing a hand to my stomach. My chest burned. My head spun.
The doctors kept saying words like "aggressive" and "uncertain" and "we will try."
And I knew the cancer was faster.
The phone slipped from my fingers and landed on the bed beside me.
"I am losing," I whispered. "And you should not have to watch that."
I had already stopped replying to the others. One message turned into two. Two into silence. Silence into ghosting.
It was easier to let them think I had chosen to disappear than to let them watch me fade.
My mother packed boxes quietly in the hallway. My father spoke on the phone with insurance and hospitals and cities far away. They never asked me to say goodbye to anyone.
I had already said goodbye without a word.
That night I curled into my pillow and cried without sound. My chest hurt. My throat hurt. My whole body hurt.
"I love you," I whispered into the dark, knowing she would never hear it.
The next morning we were gone.
Just empty spaces where I used to exist.
———————————————————————————
If you're reading this, then I was right about one thing.
I don't want you to remember me as the girl who got sick and disappeared. I want you to remember the nights at the hideout. The stupid jokes. The conversations that lasted too long. The way we thought we had all the time in the world.
And you — the one I loved without ever saying it.
You were my favorite part of all of it. You always were. I'm sorry I was a coward. I'm sorry I didn't stay. I'm sorry I didn't choose you when I still had time.
I loved you. I really did. And I think a part of me always will.
That's all I wanted you to know.
——————————————————————————
Not silent, just muted. The low hum of unfamiliar voices, glasses clinking together, music from another decade. They sit in a corner, a round table, really too small for everything that lies between them.
Ten years since Yn disappeared.
On the table sits the box.
Old. Chipped at the edges. The lid slightly warped. No one knows exactly why they are here today. Maybe chance. Maybe the anniversary. Maybe because some things are never properly finished.
Minji is the first to reach out. Her fingers hesitate for a moment, as if there is still warmth under the wood.
On top lies a small, dried flower. Fragile. Carefully pressed between paper. Haerin recognizes it immediately. Her shoulders tense.
"I gave her this," she says softly. More to herself than to the others.
Underneath are the snacks. Yn's old favorites. Chocolate bars that no longer exist. Salty crackers. A candy whose wrapper is nearly falling apart.
Hanni lets out a short, harsh laugh. Broken.
"She always stole these," she says. "Every single time."
Danielle lowers her gaze.
"And then claimed they weren't hers."
Photos of the six of them. Blurry. Tilted. In the hideout. At school. Outside in the rain. Arms around each other. Too young. Too confident.
Hyein wipes her eyes before anyone can see that she is crying.
Hanni picks up one of the photos.
"We look like," she says quietly, "we thought we had forever."
She sits there, hands clenched in her lap, staring at the open box as if she expects to find something inside that still hurts more than anything else.
Then she reaches in slowly.
At the very bottom lies an envelope. Her name written on it.
Her name – in Yn's handwriting.
Haerin takes a sharp breath. Her fingers tremble as she opens it. She does not read aloud. She cannot. Her face hardly changes, but her eyes fill instantly.
A tear falls onto the paper.
"What does it say?" Minji asks cautiously.
Haerin's voice is barely a whisper.
"That she never forgot me."
"And that she wanted me not to wait."
Haerin laughs softly. Bitterly.
No one tells her to let go. No one says she has to move on. They have said it to her often enough. It never worked.
"I never loved anyone else," Haerin says. Calm. Without drama. Like a fact one eventually accepts. "Not properly."
Hanni looks away. Minji presses her lips together. Hyein cries openly. Danielle lays a hand on Haerin's arm.
But Haerin only looks at the photo she has taken from the box.
Her and Yn. Shoulder to shoulder. Laughter caught in the middle of the frame. Imperfect. Real.
"Ten years," she whispers. "And she is still everywhere."
The box remains open on the table.
The past lies between empty glasses and cold light.
And for the first time, everyone realizes:
She has stayed... in everything.
//////////////////////////
The box stays open between them.
No one adds anything to it.
No one takes anything out anymore.
The bar is quieter than it was before. Not because the noise stopped, but because none of them are listening to it now. The laughter at other tables sounds wrong. Too light. Glasses clink somewhere behind them. A song plays that none of them recognize.
They sit in a circle that feels unfamiliar now.
Five people around an absence that never learned how to leave.
"She used to sit there," she says softly, nodding at the empty space between Haerin and Minji. "Always claimed she could 'see better' from that angle. Manager habits, I guess."
Hyein lets out a weak breath that almost sounds like a laugh.
"She never even needed to. We were all disasters without her."
Minji stares into her drink. The ice has long since melted.
"She was annoying," she murmurs. "Always pretending she wasn't scared of anything."
"She was scared of everything," Hanni replies quietly. "She just never let it change what she chose."
Haerin hasn't said a word.
Her fingers are wrapped tightly around the edge of the table. Her gaze is unfocused, fixed somewhere just past the box, just past the others, like she's looking through a window only she can see.
Yn stands near the far wall of the bar.
Exactly the way Haerin remembers her from the hideout.
Messy hair. Soft smile. Hands in the pockets of her hoodie. Looking at all of them like she always used to quiet, observant, full of something unspoken.
Haerin's breath stutters.
The others laugh softly at something Danielle says, unaware of the sixth presence among them. They lean closer together without realizing it. Shoulders brushing. Old gravity pulling them back into the same orbit.
"You stayed," she whispers without sound.
Yn tilts her head slightly, like she always did.
Minji's voice cuts through the moment.
"She saved me once," she says quietly. "Did you all know that?"
"Back then," Minji continues, "when my parents were falling apart... I didn't tell anyone. But she noticed. She just started showing up outside my house after school. Didn't even talk most days. Just waited with me."
"She used to do that. Sit in silence like it was language."
"She believed in us before we sounded like anything. That's kind of insane, if you think about it."
Hyein wipes her cheeks with the sleeve of her jacket.
"She used to tell me I'd go farther than I thought. Like she was already saying goodbye and I didn't even realize it."
"She made me want a future."
The words fall quietly. Final.
The bar seems to hold its breath around them.
"We should've stayed closer," she admits. "All of us."
"We were young," Hanni says. "We thought time was automatic."
"But it's not. It's chosen."
Hyein reaches for the center of the table, gently touching the edge of the open box.
"Then let's choose it now."
They all look at each other.
For the first time that night, the sadness shifts.
But shared in a way that feels less lonely.
"We stay in touch," Danielle says. "For real this time."
"No disappearing," Minji adds.
"No 'I'll text you later,'" Hanni says softly.
"Deal," Hyein whispers. "No more ghosts."
Haerin looks back at where Yn stands.
As if this is what she stayed to watch.
One by one, they speak their farewells, not to the others, but to her.
"Thank you," Hanni whispers.
"For everything," Danielle adds.
"I swear I'll live loud," Hyein says shakily.
"I didn't forget you. I never did."
She stands slowly, hands trembling.
"I loved you," she says quietly into the air between past and present. "I still do. But I'll live now. I promise."
Just absence turning back into memory.
