professional fuck up

jess wilde. yeah, that guy. no i didn't fucking do it and if you ask me about my brother one more time i'll rip your dick off. ok carter says i can't do that but go fuck yourself, jackass.

[dtfjess-blog]

TEXT: CARTER

Carter: No one believes you're capable of that. Or even wanting to do that.

Jess: Alright, ok. Cool, heh. I don't really give a shit about most peoples' opinions, but y'know.

[dtfjess-blog]

TEXT: CARTER

Carter: That's a relief to hear.

Jess: Haha

Jess: Hey, sweetheart?

Jess: You don't really think I'd murder someone, right? Like, for real? Like, people don't believe that?

[dtfjess-blog]

TEXT: CARTER

Carter: Wait, the jacket or the guilt over killing Noah?

Jess: The jacket! Definitely the jacket.

[dtfjess-blog]

TEXT: CARTER

Carter: Killing Noah? I think so.

Jess: Hmm. Fine.

Jess: I guess I woulda gotten over it. ;)

[dtfjess-blog]

TEXT: CARTER

Carter: I was halfway to planning Noah's funeral.

Jess: I mean, would that have been an entirely unreasonable response?

[dtfjess-blog]

TEXT: CARTER

Carter: You're a liar.

Jess: Carter Heffron, I am offended. I'm being completely honest.

[dtfjess-blog]

TEXT: CARTER

Carter: As I said, you guys can fight over that in your own time.

Carter: You actually broke that promise if I can recall. Not the murder, just the getting mad.

Jess: I told you, I wasn't mad. I was completely calm.

[dtfjess-blog]

TEXT: CARTER

Carter: You can argue that out with Seth.

Carter: I can't make any promises.

Carter: Just you and Seth. I don't think I quite have the heart to try anything with Cassie or Katie. Or the courage to trick Angelica.

Jess: If Seth is my only competition, then I'm definitely the beauty. Unless Angelica gets involved 'cause, as you said, that requires a little more courage.

Jess: If I have to make promises not to be mad/commit murders, you can promise not to prank me again. ;)

[dtfjess-blog]

TEXT: CARTER

Carter: We know I'm comfortable in my safe and unscathed position as the brains of our operations.

Carter: And I think, given today, I'm good at it.

Jess: If you're the brains, what does that make me? The beauty, the brawn? The allusive yet dashing leader of our group?

Jess: You damn well are, damn it. Just, y'know, how about skipping out on me next April?

Jess: Who else did you get, or were Seth and I the only lucky victims?

[dtfjess-blog]

TEXT: CARTER

Carter: I've yet to call on you for bail money, so I think I'm doing alright.

Carter: I told Katie to protect me :)

Jess: That's true. Let's keep it that way yeah? Y'know, for all of us...

Jess: Haha, you're sneakier than I thought, Heff. Well played, my man.

[dtfjess-blog]

TEXT: CARTER

Carter: I got you good, didn't I?

Carter: Told him Doctor Who got cancelled.

Jess: You did. Jesus, I need a drink. April Fool's is the worst damn day of the year. I think we're becoming a bit of a bad influence on you, sweetheart.

Jess: Holy shit. How'd you escape that one unscathed?

[dtfjess-blog]

TEXT: CARTER

Carter: At least you didn't cry like Seth did.

Jess: You're terrible. I love you, buddy, but you're a damn menace.

Jess: Carswell cried? Jesus. What the hell'd you do to him, tell him Murdock isn't single?

[dtfjess-blog]

TEXT: CARTER

Carter: I just feel bad for /telling/ you that I shrunk your jacket.

Carter: Because once again, I'm realising that you didn't check the calendar this morning.

Jess: Wait, what?

[five minutes pass]

Jess: Carter, I know I made a few promises. But I'm gonna kill you.

[dtfjess-blog]

TEXT: CARTER

Carter: Not for destroying your jacket.

Jess: Huh?

Jess: Jesus, Carter, what else have you done?

Jess: What, are you making up for 20+ years of being god damn perfect, like, right now?

[dtfjess-blog]

TEXT: CARTER

Carter: I have to admit, I feel bad now.

Jess: For destroying my jacket?

Jess: I appreciate it and all, Heff, but that doesn't say a lot for Katie's mustard wielding moron.

[dtfjess-blog]

TEXT: CARTER

Carter: I feel like you're breaking your promise to not be mad.

Jess: You tricked me. I didn't know what I was making the promise for!

Jess: And I'm not mad. I'm fine, sweetheart. I just need this to... not... be happening.

[dtfjess-blog]

TEXT: CARTER

Carter: At least if you decide to have kids it will fit them.

Jess: Carter.

Jess: CARTER.

Jess: Listen, I'm not mad. I'm totally not ignoring you. I'm completely fine. I just need to... not see or talk to anyone for at least 48 hours.