Do I love my life enough to live it? And I don't mean the events of my life, I mean the actual essence of my existence. The one with potential to hurt, laugh, cry, lie, hide, wither, bloom, flourish, succeed, fail, tire, be rejuvenated, and the ability to continue or rather the chance to continue. Do I love the idea of me enough to get past this and continue. Do I love me enough to accept ME as not perfect and fall so in love with the rawness and authenticity of a lived life more than a perfect life? Do I ? Can I ? Cause to be honest, I don't want to give up. I'm hurting in almost every corner of my heart, but when I take a seat on the high windowsill using the couch as a ladder, placing a pillow under my thighs and feel the morning breeze as my feet dangle and I watch the birds... I don't want to give up. In moments like these I can hold the almost tangible potential for life to be loved as it is. That life is so beautifully malleable, I will sometimes be able to shape it as I will, and sometimes it will be a current carrying me through the most hopeless of times but through it all, it will be the most precious thing I'll own. Something that sorely belongs to me, a gift that is alive. I wonder as I watch the morning dew take its leave, how much can I love this life that at some point I learnt to hate. I want to love it, I want to love it so much and I think I will.