Duck Fat @duckfattale-blog - Tumblr Blog

Its getting worse

You are nothing You are useless at work Nobody actually cares about you You only want attention over and over Who are you You are nobody To anybody around you You are a boring, ugly shit Nobody appreciates you or your personality Only either looks at the body and disregards everything You suck at everything and you mean nothing to anyone NOTHING Die already What u waiting for Theres no place here you wont ever fit in anywhere Your complains, whiny shit is irrelevant In everyones eyes you are useless and u cant do anything good Everyone uses you as a tool Youre jusy a dog to everyone You donnt need people They dont need you You're stupid Stupid Ugly Suicidal complicated shit Nobody wants to see you Nobody wants to hear your shit cus rhey dont care Your scars on thighs? Pathetic Everyone think you're an idiot who can't talk you're so fucking useless at everything No social skills I am useless And stupid And everything messed up I'm not human enough for this goddamn planet I'm not GOOD enough to anyone I just keep throwing up and cutting my most precious thoughts Destroying something regarded as beautiful I want to die Why I want to die Why every time my want to be best friend has much better conversations with another friend they are having so much fun I wished I had I am not fun I'm a boring little shit who deserves to die I should have killed myself when I was 11 I should have DIED because my abusive mother wouldnt be able to use anyone as a punching bag I can't tell my feelings To no one I am ending my life I need to end it No point Society, stop fixing the unfixable I AM NOTHING Your sweet words, your promises that I will be fine, your manipulative count on me shit. Nothing They don't do anything They're just pleasantries of facade we construct to ourselves and to others We only say Not do anything I want to die Die by being hit, suffocation, burning, poisoning anything please I want to die Let me die out of blood loss Let me dramatically scream as my last breath succumbs into darkness I have no one I literally have no one To talk to I keep throwing up Maybe I'll get slimmer Not No point I'm just trying to remove food out of my system when I can I can't do this anymore Theres no point to my existence No point I'm already destroyed I never seen a good relationship Never experienced one I don't know how to make a healthy relationship where I'm not scared worried or mistrustful and won't be cheated by some tinder shit I'm hurt I need to die I need to Die Die I Kill myself Soon Enough Right now Continue cutting my own legs Cus it's the only way that doesn't let me to reduce my pain I will keep suffering as the blades tip scratches my skin Scratch After Scratch Feelings Turmoil I don't understand anything I can't talk I can't do anything I'm so useless I really want to die I feel so useless I can't do anything RIGHT No matter how many mistakes I make I don't get better I disappoint too many people around me I'm a disappointment who should die

Easter sucks

I hate Easter. There's nothing exciting or good about it. I'm not great chocolate fan either and cooking dozens of food cus it's part of a tradition makes me sick. There are some good aspects of it: spending time with your family/friends, premiumchocolate eggs with marshmallows and other bullshit. First part of Easter doesn't apply to me. Today is Easter Sunday. She was really irritated with me to the point where first thing she woke up and threatened to basically kill me. That's a lovely thing to hear, isn't? Then, somehow everything I did annoyed her and stressed her and I'm like hey chill. Her *words* bring me tears and fears. I don't know how other people spend Easter and like it, but dude I genuinely do not enjoy it at all. Especially alone with her. Still questioning what is the purpose of being here. Why I was born in a shit fam. Anyone?

One I want to be alone. Two people don't deserve to live. Three let me make a little playground make it tall and colourful and h()ng myself there. Four make sure to provide additional r0p3s for others to join in.

We going on a trip in our favorite coffin ship going through the grave little dead kids.

I feel dead. Wouldn't mind to injure myself. Is it wrong?

If you're new here, please don't read further down. I don't want you to feel sad, angry or happy towards what I'm experiencing. This thing has been created for me, for me to open up and get it all out in here. It's not to get attention or be edgy. This is real. Realism of simulated writing of what is going on. I know there will be people who will judge this or make comments about it. It's ok. You don't have to believe what is written here. But it is far more real than federal, than government, than people who pretend to be friends for the sake of using a scapegoat or pity befriend them. Ain't good.

She told me to come and made another "I am so angry at you" thing to further downgrade me and make me feel guilty/miserable/wanting to die. It's funny how some people want to hurt you again and again and again and again and again.

She did it again. Frightening. Threatened to kill me with a flower vase because I stupidly didn't put enough water for the flowers causing them to be limp and dehydrated. She was so angry. Frightening. Wanted to injure me. She said my mind is permanently idiotic, I have no brain or smarts. Told that she doesn't want to see me ever again (by she does and she snarkily comments on everything. Frightening. I wanted to get out but thought it wouldn't be a great idea unless she actually attacked me. She seemed to be waiting to release everything onto me but can't because her partner was always around. It's always been like this. A never ending roundabout of pain and suffering I have to absorb. I want to go away but realistically I still cannot support myself and doubt I will even after a few years. Scared. I didn't cry this time. I felt so...dead? Limp and empty like I finally started get used to this. Felt rebellious but thought maybe not today. I'll do it when it is really time. Say that I need some chill. Need time to think. Other flowers will start withering again. The negative energy is back. Scary. Please help me. I feel helpless. Scared to the death. Unsure what to do. What people do in these situations. Wish I had someone close to protect me now. Wish someone do an ending to this madness. I don't want to be like her I honestly don't. I don't want to come back home most of the time especially when she comes back home. I feel sick. I don't want to eat or do anything now. I knew it would be a bad day. Had not a good trigger memory. Scared. Help me. Please. I'm scared. If God exists somewhat, why then I was born here to suffer. I don't know what is happiness anymore nor who am I. Everyone develop their personalities and interests over time becoming better and better and I feel like undeveloped. A withered, ill, tiny tree injured by winds and inside parasites doomed to never bloom and make people happy. Who am I anymore. I'm not needed here. No use. A toy to be thrown around. In return, damaging everyone around me.

#tumblr witheredflowers death

no no no no

she hit me

hit me

several times

once with a plastic bottle

twice with her fist

why me

why

i dont deserve to live

somebody

tell me

am i normal

#abuse #abuse help

i do not much time before i shut down myself emotionally. i defo will come back very soon i just need to endure one of her triggers again.

i do not know how to calm down. i tried to write down how i feel and it is making it worse

she went to my room again - evry time she goes there she makes a huge deal of the mess which idk how to manage and now she will come again and suffocate with words. suffacte suffocate soffocate suffocate suffocate

no no no no no

Oh my god oh my god please someone save me oh god i don’t know what to do she is gone and when she will be back i will get into trouble why she was in my room what the hell oh please i cannot bear this someone help help

Report on Them: -before school term i’ve stayed up somewhere and had lots of fun there. wanted to stay a little bit longer but they called me and said with a very cold voice to come back home immediately. i came back and it was about the same issue over and over.one sided fight as well. i wanted to go and never come back. I wanted to disappear. but i couldn’t do it. i dunno why. i am trapped here. with little opinion mattered.

#i am not sure #how long i will #be there #i need to #make a move #and start over #without them

i have this buddy in my mind telling me to cancel everything because it is worthless and it is a waste of time. what do you guys think?

i dont want this birthday party. no one will be coming anyway

i dont want to grow up. it will become too crowded.please, dont let me to grow up

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