the tide.

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i love when things are classified and structured, its so beautiful to me

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ok. why do you feel this way

why are you frustrated

angry?

you want to tear this person down so badly but then what

will it make you feel better in the long run? will it make you a better person?

if i tear them down from the get go, it will cause drama. is it warranted? probably not. most likely not. after all, these people do not matter.

so why am i wasting my energy on them? when they'll never be part of my life?

they can say all the shit they want, because in the end, they will still never be a part of my life. they can be annoying, idc

because that all won't matter once they become just a forgotten memory

this is all a process though

just as soon as the feeling to destroy bc of them comes up, just breathe. relax. and go do something to preoccupy yourself. its the only thing worth doing anyways

stop wasting energy on ppl who dont matter

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why are ppl so boring

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im so fucking tired of this shit

man

anger really motivates me tho but fuckkkk

i just want to fucking slap someone

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no we dont do delivery yes i know we could have had business but dude like fuck off WE JUST DONT HAVE A DELIVERY DRIVER

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God i just wanna fucking kill someone right now

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frustrated

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im angry enough to fucking punch someone tbh lol

fucking stupidass lady loke UR A CUNT FUCKING WHY

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am i lazy? my boyfriend says im not, but i concur lol

sure i can push myself to do things when i need to,

sure

yeah.

uh.

not sure where i was trying to go with this. loool. never mind.

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Ok. I feel like I have to write this down because it’s been awhile since I’ve been alone with my thoughts, and.... I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.

...

Don’t you think it’s weird how us humans are able to intuitively remember where each finger will go for each key on a keyboard. It’s so cool.

Also, I am a jealous fuck. I don’t know why I am so jealous. It doesn’t even have to do with the present. These are all past things he’s done and right now I’m just trying to pinpoint why I am feeling this way even though I know that it’s illogical to do so.

It’s not going to do me any good. It’s not going to do him any good. It’s not going to do our relationship any good. So WHY am I like this?

I get jealous over past interactions that he’s done with other girls, but you know what... that’s the past. What should I expect him to be? Some sort of innocent virgin? Someone who will only save themselves for marriage? Would it better that way if he was? God.

This is unfair of me, I know. Because I know he gets jealous of my past shit too. So what am I doing feeling like this for? I know. I know I’m only human. Jesus fucking christ. I’ve done my fair share of attention whoring with guys when lonely and I’m not exactly proud of it. I’m ashamed, as I know he’s ashamed of his past. So... I think it’s good that I just sit here and sort my thoughts out like this. Maybe some freewriting about my feelings will do me some good and teach me to stop being such a whiny little hypocrite. God! I... you know what. I should be glad that he’s so popular with the ladies. I should be proud. Because gosh. He is amazing. In every single way. He’s not like, conventionally attractive, but he’s attractive to ME. His personality is on point, he’s charming as fuck, and my god. His dick. Wow. Ok. I’m done. LOL

I think I’m just being whiny because I’m so selfish. I love him so much that it hurts to think other girls have had him. SO DUMB. That’s past shit, I need to get myself together. I know for a hard fact that he loves me and me only. Just gosh... I wish I had him his whole life. My whole life. I’m so in love with him.

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this act pf negligence towards my body

why should i care for myself it just doesnt matter anymore i dont care for being alive

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omg this bitch is so fucking annoying just drop dead already lmaoooooo

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do animals experience heartbreak

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feelin lonely

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and its not that i dont trust him but i think of all the catastrophic possibilities that can happen and its like once i start having one negative thought it all just goes downhill from there amd its like all the pessimism consumes me i feel so overwhelmed and it hurts and i want to cry fuck

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i dont know

being happy is hard