tw!!!

mia, sh DNI if not an ed blog!!!! - 17 - she/her - a very emotional blog

[dying-for-deliverance]

hi, this is a blog where i vent and get emotional at times. not really pro anything. please just block, do not report!

wanted stats out of bio:

5’4

hw: 162

sw: 138 lbs; 23.7 bmi

cw: 136.0 lbs

gw1: 128

gw2: 120 lbs

gw3: 107 lbs

gw4: 99 lbs

ugw: 95 lbs; 16.3 bmi

THANKS

[rat-in-a-coffin]

unfriendly reminder to all terfs that this is not a safe space for you <3. in fact, i would like to snap your bones like the little twigs they are :3 i will break them all, in order of size, hopefully you will suffer!!

[my-caloric-nightmares-deactivat]

im obsessed with watching videos about why our food today is bad. it’s so enlightening. as someone who looks at the labels of everything i eat, even i am shocked.

[dying-for-deliverance]

got into an argument with my mom,,,and ill admit,,,im a little bit irritable because i haven’t had much to eat

HOWEVER

i was really upset and needed to talk about what was bothering me, but instead of listening— i couldn’t have gotten but 2 words in—she brought up my weight and appearance. like immediately. and i don’t like the subject so i just told her it’s my body, im healthy, it’s nothing to worry about, but she kept going. she would not stop.

anyway goodnight.

[dying-for-deliverance]

im freaking out rn

[dying-for-deliverance]

im literally scared to go into work today.

it’s such a challenge i can’t handle it. im really not strong enough for this. and ive been so good recently. im a week b/p free. i can’t do this today.

[dying-for-deliverance]

i cannot turn the disordered thoughts off, no matter how hard i try!

[dying-for-deliverance]

my ed is ruining my life

[dying-for-deliverance]

i wish i had someone i could talk to about this sort of stuff in my real life but im too embarrassed.

i really do love my job, my coworkers are the best, the company treats me well.

but it is too big of a trigger. i hate coming in. this job facilitates my b/p. it scares me to go in because ik i can not resist taking food home.

it hurts so bad knowing i have to quit. i have no one to explain this to. no one to talk this over with. this is such a big decision and i couldn’t explain to anyone why im making it. i feel like I just feel like id sound crazy trying to explain myself to anyone.

[vxmitbxnnie-deactivated20230301]

I be like “god i wish i would stop eating” then eat some more

[dying-for-deliverance]

i dread going to work. i only work once a week but it’s like impossible to go in. it’s such a huge trigger for me. i literally cant ever leave without food, i have a problem and it is enabling it.

[skiinnypunkz]

bitches be like oh god i cannot keep living like this. and then continue living like this (its me im bitches)

[dying-for-deliverance]

i feel like im not going to sleep tonight and so im just not gonna fight it

[dying-for-deliverance]

i was at the doctor today and for the first time ever i let someone see my sh scars completely uncovered. i was wearing short sleeve and i have sh scars on my shoulders. when they checked my blood pressure they asked to take out my arm. i wasn’t embarrassed, surprisingly, but it’s still not something im very comfortable with.

[dying-for-deliverance]

i feel like im live tweeting family drama. oh well, i have no one else to talk to!

[dying-for-deliverance]

why does my mom call me fat!?! i am the only healthy weight person in an entirely obese family. i was once obese and it hurts me when she says this cus ive gone through so much pain getting to a healthy weight. ive starved. ive sacrificed my teeth. ive given up my teenage years to an ed. i sacrificed my health for a thinner body. ive made so many sacrifices and i feel like it will all never be enough. i will never be thin enough, i can always be thinner. can you believe that sometimes i wonder why i feel this way, always unsatisfied with my body?

it hurts so much.

[dying-for-deliverance]

my whole family is mentally ill and none want to get help. that’s whatever, but they take it out on others. they hate themselves and put others down to feel better about the awful place they built for themselves through inaction and bad behavior. why can’t they just take it out on themselves? since none want help, better to keep it down and suffer alone than to make other suffer for something they have nothing to do with.