my name is mia (she/they, black, biochem major). i used to write for tlou. i don't do that anymore, for like, so many reasons (newly: neil druckmann's a zionist). now, i do what i want. unserious, annoying, and probably provocative. minors, do not interact.
unrevised masterlist under the cut. hasn't been touched in a year. if you want to read all my ellie stuff, search "ellie williams x reader" on my blog.
see you 'round. border credits for fics.
requests: open. sort of.
most recent work: lovergirl!hazel.
other hazel works (so far): subby!hazel (sorta?)
what i have written (spoiler alert: extremely anticlimactic)
☆ the last of us part ii
i only write ellie williams x reader fics. i keep saying like “oh that’s subject to change!” but like tbh it’s been that way for as long as i’ve been on this website, i don’t think it’s gonna change.
i do include lots of characters from the tlou universe in my writing though (at least in some of my newer things, or some things that’ll just straight up never see the light of day). idk if that counts for anything in terms of immersion purposes, but that’s there.
content boundaries (subject to change).
pretty much,
☆ i don’t write r*pe (non-con is a little different; if i ever do write anything non-con related, it would be community labeled).
☆ i don’t write anything with pedophilic themes / undertones / vibes (tropes that are dependent on the reader’s innocence, that kind of thing).
☆ while i care about those who are struggling with these topics, it’s a bit hard for me to write about things such as self-harm in an indulgent manner. i personally am not the best person to ask for that, i’m sorry.
☆ i don’t write incest.
☆ i don’t write pretty much anything else i say that i’m not gonna write -- like things with feet, and vomit, and those kinds of things.
i write things that are safe, sane, and consensual. these aren’t things that i feel like could accurately convey, or things that i feel don’t fall within that bracket for me, personally. hope this helps.
please do not translate, republish, or plagiarize my work. translations are slightly different -- consult me first -- but don’t steal my shit. i’m not nice about it, once i find out someone’s stolen stuff from me, so, fair warning.
fics and drabbles (>10k words)
ellie williams.
( where ☆ = fluff, * = smut, # = angst )
☆ homegirl (ellie williams x reader) read ﹗
“just saw ur post and welcome to tumblr lol :)) can i request an ellie x reader where they both confess that they love each other? i mean they were best friends at first and there will be a lot of gay panic and embarrasment lmaooo before they confess, just a huge fluff”
word count: 4.2k
☆ helpless (ellie williams x reader) read ﹗
i’m trying to find a nice way to say this, but like, ellie literally (but like, not literally) fucks the shit out of you for like 900 words and then loves on you a little bit.
word count: 1.2k
☆ guilty pleasure (ellie williams x reader) read ﹗
ellie really likes fucking you, because you're really hot, so she eats you out like it's her fucking last meal. plus it's kinda cute at the end.
word count: 1.6k
☆ please (drabble 1) (ellie williams x reader) read ﹗
riding subtop!ellie’s thigh as a punishment until she cracks because she edged you (implied). Lol.
word count: 746.
☆ untitled (drabble 2) (ellie williams x reader) read ﹗
i actually have no fucking idea what this one is about, and i’m too embarrassed to check. i just know it’s filthy, and rambly, and involves finger-fucking and a fixation on ellie’s forearm tattoo. composed at 4am, probably.
word count: 1.1k.
☆ parenthood (drabble 3) (ellie williams x reader) read ﹗
parenthood means stress, and endurance, and exhaustion, and learning curves, and … sometimes, really, really, really good sex?
word count: 4.1k.
moments (>10k words)
☆ the ocean is just a backdrop (ellie williams x reader) tbp﹗
word count: long as fuck
everything else i’ve written for ellie (including but not limited to what’s already up above)
☆ here lies everything that i have ever tagged under ellie williams x reader. knock yourselves out.
i just. when owen tried on isabel's magic dress and maddy blushed and smiled and hid in her hand. the intimacy in how she drew the symbol on the back of owen's neck. an out lesbian showing those feelings for a closeted, pre-transition trans girl who doesn't even seem to know that's true of herself yet. knowing her before she knows herself. don't speak to me i'm literally dust on the floor
i think if i ever start writing again, i want to do it in a way that's like entirely detached from this blog. i miss writing and i'm glad the tlou community is finally getting its shit together after like 2 years and honestly i think ellie is kind of mid now (and there's still neil and his weird ass) but she's also a character that i know pretty well. i also really wanna write for other communities. idk i think that sometimes when i don't have anything to do on my breaks, really i just wanna write again so bad but something about being attached to this blog specifically makes that so difficult. if i come back, i may have to make a transition
i was kind of sad that you’re leaving, i appreciate your writings and your talent ! but after reading tell-all ( idk if it’s written correctly english is not my first language) i understand better ! you should do anything that prioritizes your happiness, and hopefully you’ll came back better ( that’s a little selfish wish )
thank youuu. this isn't the reason why i'm not as active anymore or considering deactivation, i'm actually doing well. rather i started this account when i was 18 and i've outgrown it and the fandom i used to write for. i can keep it up for sentiments sake to maybe return back to it but we'll see
i apologise on behalf of all of us followers because why people are asking about ur personal business i have no idea 💀 yall invasive as fuck and for what
no it's fine, i do think it was a lot when i started getting asks about it a year ago and i was fresh out but i'm in control of the conversation. i don't mind, it's a cautionary tale
to be honest it was easy to see that you were a lot more into the relationship than she was. coming from someone who knows both of you.
so i understand that this is supposed to come off as supportive but this reads as crazy to me because 1) if you do know both of us, then i haven't spoken to you in a really really long time, 2) if it was "easy to see" and i knew you then that means that at the time that i was somewhat close to you and for you to not say anything is.. something and 3) in retrospect, i do agree. which makes it all the while crazier how i was trying to break things up and emphasize how i didn't think it was working and then all of the sudden she was doing all of this begging and making all these promises for like 9 straight months to then ultimately just like.. get she wanted out of me and that was that. like, she begged to be in the relationship.. only to then halfway be in the relationship. i could've saved a lot of time, tears, and energy. i'm actually way happier now like unironically and am actually in something that makes sense, but she's just very odd like i've lost all grace for her, i think she is a very weird person but i digress
im just curious cause i remember when you used to make posts about seeing her and everything seemed happy and light but now seeing that she did yo dirty? tell all please
im gonna answer this one and then that's gonna be the end of that i think.
disclaimer: i am not trying to make anyone look any kind of way. i am actually just telling you what happened.
the tell-all.
there was a recurrent issue in our relationship where we literally just would not hang out enough. which is insane, considering that we were extremely long distance. we would text everyday but it was something like once a week/once every two weeks or more until we would facetime, play a game together, call, or do literally anything. it was rare that things got out of that grey area. it feels like the one thing that actually had time made out for it was sexting, which i still don't know how i feel about.
i often initiated a lot of the hangouts but it got a point where i just stopped extending that hand because i felt like it wasn't being reciprocated after time and time and time of me communicating to her in multiple states of consciousness actually (while i was crying, while i was calm, while i was upset) and time and time and time of her promising me that she'd do better and do this and this and this. i vividly remember sitting in a staircase on the phone with her and telling her how i didn't wanna break up with her because of this, but it was such a big problem, and she sat there and told me all about how she didn't want to break up with me either and how she was so upset that it'd made me feel that way, and then she promised me she'd do better. this kind of interaction would happen at least four times after that. she would maybe do better for like a week or two, and things would fall off again shortly thereafter.
before i continue, i want to make something abundantly clear. i understand that long distance relationships are not easy. they are work, and they require consistency that not a lot of people are used to and can keep up with. however, this girl was a) telling me that she really loved me and shit and that i deserved to be treated this way and this way and this way [huge for me and she knew that, because i do not have a very good relationship history and i was very open with her about that] b) begged me to be in this relationship in the first place, so i figured that she would put a little more effort into it. but really, it felt like once she had me, things never extended past a certain vantage point for all of the 9/10 months that we dated. i felt really frustrated because not only i was sacrificing time while i was doing school and dealing with work, but i also sacrificed a lot to be in this relationship with her. her excuse for not making time for me (despite having a lot of it on her hands compared to me, actually) was that she was "unpracticed," in a relationship in general (...). irregardless of how i feel about that excuse, i feel like i gave her nothing but space and opportunity to practice during our relationship and she hardly ever took it. it really did hurt me knowing that i was putting a lot of work into this relationship and that i was sacrificing a lot against the wits of so many people who were lowkey telling me that i should just break up with her, and half the time she couldn't even make the effort or the time to just like, call me after i've said i wanted her to maybe 7 million times. i gave her a lot of grace. i don't see a reason any longer to continue to give her that grace.
let's talk about new york city.
other than being very sexual, the throughline consistency throughout our entire relationship was her really really really wanting to go to new york city. she had a very romanticized idea of nyc coming from someone who was sheltered in like a british town, and it was a whole thing. this led to us planning a trip to nyc together. i was never particularly overenthused about the idea bc that's like right around the corner from me, but she would say things to me like "when i come see you we wont have this problem anymore" and "things will be different because im gonna come see you [this often] after nyc" etc etc etc. i never fully bought into believing them, but a part of me did at some point and it felt like going to nyc would mark a hopeful transition in our relationship. and nyc was fun. but during that trip, she also realized that all of her romances about nyc were not.. true. and that she actually didn't want to live here anymore (because she wanted to move to nyc, which.. probably wasn't really gonna happen regardless but anyway -- i never fully bought into that either).
i remember that i felt very close to her in nyc to the point where i was laying on her and i started crying to her because i was fearful that things were going to go back to the way that they were and i was very clear about that. for like 15th millionth time, she promised me that it would not be that way and we would do this and we would do that and she would do this and she would do that. school started for me after that trip, and we went genuinely an entire month without calling or facetiming. you can guess the reason why.
i brought it up to her super casually, which transpired into a conversation about her "being lazy in our relationship" -- her words, not mine --, which then transpired into us getting on a facetime call and her white woman tearsing me and telling me about how she loved me but the distance was this and this and this and "how she thought that the distance has taken its toll,"
this is after months of me vocalizing a fear to her that she would just end shit or leave me after going to nyc and me being like "well what if this doesn't work," / "i dont feel like its gonna work [in general]", and her telling me that i was self-sabotaging. this is after months of me expressing all of the discontent that she said to me. and then the conversation turned into us breaking up, which i was really upset about so we "tried to give it another try" (she was overcompensating for like 2 weeks and it didn't feel right, i didn't trust her) and then we officially called it. and i think the last thing that was very insightful for me was during our official breakup, she was interested in remaining friends. personally, i wasn't. but not only did she begin to a) make the same promises that she did to me about hanging out together and playing games together and what not, but she also b) told me that she "wasn't ready for me to go" (meaning that i was like... essentially only allowed to part ways with her when she was ready for it, everything considered) and how she still wanted to keep in contact wit me because i was "fun." she also begged me to not openly talk about things.
i unfollowed her on everything once i got off the phone with her and idk why but the body does tell you a lot and it did feel like a massive release of tension left me the second i was no longer officially single and it was what it was, but that i cut off that point of being cyclically disappointed again and again and again, all over again
in summary: i was very apprehensive going into this relationship and many people can attest to that. i was coming from a very rough place and i did not know how to be a good partner, but i was willing to learn for her, and i think i did a good job everything considered. i did definitely have my moments, and when i say that i don't mean like i'm sedona, i just have issues with emotional vulnerability and she was never really there for me or made a concerted effort to extend a hand other than being like "well lmk how i can help" and i oftentimes couldn't entertain that. but otherwise, i sacrificed a lot to be with her. i sacrificed my time for her, and i told her to not waste my time (she promised she wouldn't, and she did. because it's not like we dated for 3 months, this was almost a year of repeated behavior). i sacrificed $2,000+ for her. i sacrificed so much emotional energy for her. and half the time i really don't think she even sacrificed time for me, and it feels like once she got what she wanted out of me, i was no longer of use to her.
that's it, and except it's not. but that is the gist. there are some other things she did and said but i think this covers a lot of ground.
trust your gut. don't date people you meet on tumblr.
is it okay to ask you what happened between you and your ex ? i’ve been curious for sooooo long
this is like the third ask i’ve gotten about this woman like a year after we broke up … if you’re asking me if i can give a tell all, then sure. i don’t really feel a need to protect her anymore and it’s not like anything i will say won’t be true. you can keep asking me questions about it but im confused why everyone’s so interested about it now
i cannot believe i spent like $2,000+ of my stipend last year to go visit a girl who kept telling me it would be worth it and that all of my suspicions about us and our relationship were "self-sabotage", and who also within 3/4/idk weeks of my fall semester looked me dead in the face after i confronted her about a repetitive issue in our relationship that she promised she'd do better on and was like "i just think that the distance has taken its toll" and then wanted to break up
