I'm the Man @dylanquilter - Tumblr Blog

Dylan nodded sagely at Taliesin’s, “Fuck.” It was the appropriate word for the situation. For all the faults that Dylan had noticed with Tal over dinner, the guy wasn’t half bad. “Cool.”

He shivered at the idea of Lou with more women backing at her up. That sounded like a horrible idea. “I bet.” But Tal seemed to dig it, so he was happy for him.

He hadn’t expected the fact that someone might not know Tee, given their dad being the sheriff. But he was also surprised that this guy was supposedly a nerd and wasn’t constantly at one of Tee’s games. Well, he wasn’t going to dig any further into that.

“We’re done, babe.” He knew his girl so well. She needed more attention and he intended to give it to her. Dylan slid over to her, wrapping his arms around from behind. “Sorry, it was stuff you guys wouldn’t give a shit about. I promise.” He gave Tal a little nod as Lou pushed for specifics and Tal delivered. Not a bad cover. He could think on his feet, that was good.

“Drive the speed limit and all that shit. People are crazy now with cars.” He watched the other couple leave, impressed with Taliesin’s moves. He might not be great at conversation, but clearly he knew how to win his girl back.

He turned to Tali. “I don’t think it was that bad. That was also my first ever official date, so…”

“Okay,” she readily accepted his answer. The chance that they really were just talking about nerdy shit was enough to dissuade her from prodding for more detail. They’d gotten through the date in one piece. It was the most she could ask for, knowing now what their group dynamic was like.

Tali held onto his forearm and leaned back into him slightly. “Be good! Tal. Not you, Lou. Stay bad.” She blew her friend a kiss and let the door close.

She sighed in relief, looking up at her boyfriend. “Nooo, please tell me it wasn’t.” Tali would have made sure they got a guaranteed great one in there first, before she threw him into this if she’d known. “We need to redeem it for you.” She stepped into him. “You’re in control. Take me upstairs and show me what you want to do.”

@lourdesvillasisniega

#p: doubles #tl: day twelve #with: tali #with: taliesin #with: lou

Lou narrowed her eyes. Guy stuff? Normally Taliesin didn’t believe in the concept of guy stuff. His closest confidante, after all, was Poppy. There was more going on here, but she wasn’t going to question it. She needed them to stop talking.

"He couldn’t stop me if he tried.”

And he’d never want to. That was the beauty of their relationship. Even thinking the word still took some getting used to, but she was happy to have him. Officially.

She chuckled as his picked her up in a fireman’s carry like it was the easiest thing in the world. And even if she wasn’t the most modest person on earth, she appreciated his large hand covering her ass. She waited until she heard the door close before she peppered kisses across Tal’s neck. “Find us a dark patch of road with some very soft grass.”

THE END.

Tali nodded. “It might have been nice if they’d found something to bond over but it’s okay, it’s not meant to be. I do however happen to love you and your company.” She smiled at her friend. “I love an excuse to cook my favourites. And I wanted to pay you back properly for the feijoada.”

What they have in common? Which was what? Being over 6 feet tall? “Right, well are you done not arguing about it?” she asked, pulling the door open. “You can always hang out alone together if you want to get in depth on the zombies.” She smiled at them, knowing the answer would likely be hell no. “Lou’s feet are getting sore, Tal. Make sure you take care of that when you get her home safe.”

"Te amo mucho, amor.” Lou replied, knowing Tali could infer what she meant. The languages were close enough for this. “If he ever changes…” she trailed off. Tal had brought whatever this was on himself, he loved to wade into the middle of a situation and demand answers. There was no point in fighting it, but if he did ever naturally change his mind, Lou would be open to doing this again. “You never have to pay me back. Your presence is enough. Always.”

Her eyes narrowed at Taliesin. “What do you have in common?” She was genuinely curious and she was refusing to dignify Dylan’s answer with a response. She would not ever discuss his… paintbrush. Nunca. “I don’t know, Tali, maybe we should make sure they’re never unsupervised. Who knows what could happen?” She smiled to make her words softer.

At Tali’s words, Lou slipped her heels off and let them dangle off her pointer finger. “She’s right. You’ll have to carry me to your bike.” It wasn’t safe for her to ride without shoes, but she could make him stop for a little bit. Several streets away from Tali’s house. For a…break.

"Fuck.” There was no other way to put it. He’d thought he had it bad. Usually he had it worse. But this was the one configuration where he felt like he might have found an extremely unlikely equal. “Yeah. I’ll text you.” He sighed, reluctantly falling into the dude shit. “You should see her with the full clique. It’s a sight to behold.” Really, Anu wished. Partially because she only had three members of her posse while Lou had four and growing.

Double Fuck. He needed to come up with a lie fast. “Height. Guy… stuff. Nerd stuff.” He ventured a look to Dylan. “Apparently.” That was also unexpected.

@dylanquilter

#p: doubles #with: tali #with: lou #with: taliesin #tl: day twelve

Dylan nodded sagely at Taliesin's, "Fuck." It was the appropriate word for the situation. For all the faults that Dylan had noticed with Tal over dinner, the guy wasn't half bad. "Cool."

He shivered at the idea of Lou with more women backing at her up. That sounded like a horrible idea. "I bet." But Tal seemed to dig it, so he was happy for him.

He hadn't expected the fact that someone might not know Tee, given their dad being the sheriff. But he was also surprised that this guy was supposedly a nerd and wasn't constantly at one of Tee's games. Well, he wasn't going to dig any further into that.

"We're done, babe." He knew his girl so well. She needed more attention and he intended to give it to her. Dylan slid over to her, wrapping his arms around from behind. "Sorry, it was stuff you guys wouldn't give a shit about. I promise." He gave Tal a little nod as Lou pushed for specifics and Tal delivered. Not a bad cover. He could think on his feet, that was good.

"Drive the speed limit and all that shit. People are crazy now with cars." He watched the other couple leave, impressed with Taliesin's moves. He might not be great at conversation, but clearly he knew how to win his girl back.

He turned to Tali. "I don't think it was that bad. That was also my first ever official date, so..."

“It has its perks, absolutely,” Tali agreed. She had not had as many casual hookups as her dear friend had. Tali had maybe been too fond of monogamy over the years. Four mostly serious relationships in high school and she still had another year to go. She hoped this one would last, though. It felt like she was finally on the same page as somebody and she loved it. “It looks good on you.”

She couldn’t see a lot from here, and she could only hear the muffled sound of their voices. But there was something about it that she didn’t like. Did the line of Dylan’s shoulders actually look tense or was she just reading into it? Tali wanted Dylan back next to her, but she didn’t want to seem clingy, so she turned her attention back on Lou. “I didn’t know he was going to say that stuff about Tal at the dinner,” she told her. “He didn’t need to do that. Even if he did think he was being some kind of unsolicited white knight for you.” They were both learning here. But it would be fine, they just needed to say those things to each other instead of their friends. “Anyway thank you. For doing this. It means a lot to me that we tried.”

The boys were still talking. She was extremely close to going out there and joining them. “Do you need a measuring tape? Maybe a ruler?” she yelled out to them from where she stood. For the dicks.

@lourdesvillasisniega

"Thank you,” Lou flipped her hair over shoulder. She did feel like her skin had a little extra glow since things became official. Maybe it was just being truly happy, despite the horrors around them. He was talented that way, when he wanted to be.

Considering they had never done anything like this before, Lou wasn’t sure that she could have prepared Tali for Tal’s moods. Then again, she was still learning this different version of him. “It’s okay, he’s heard worse this week from other people.” She was not going to specify on that front, it would only invite trouble. “I’m glad we tried. It was something new and your food was divine. I’ll never complain about more time with you, even if our boys are being stupid.”

She didn’t even try to hold in her laugh as Tali heckled the guys. It was well deserved given how strange this little turn was. She was doing her best to not analyze it. They had fought enough over the past few days and she was tired. Besides, he was an adult. He could take care of himself. It wasn’t her job to clean up after him and it never would be.

@taliesinmauk

"She– She crashed the wake?” Taliesin was struggling so hard to keep up with what Dylan was saying. True, he’d had a very eventful night that night for reasons that were better left unexplored, but the idea that Tony had threatened to kill Shannon amid all that beer soaked debauchery just felt strange to imagine.

Then there was more. “She broke into Tali’s HOU-” He quickly swallowed the words as he heard Tali’s pointed remark. he gave Dylan a desperate look and whispered. “Tell me the whole story and I’ll try to give you mine. If the people involved will let me.” He couldn’t breach Viola and Ruby’s confidence completely. Not now. Not when they’d agreed to come in from the cold.

He held back his emotions when Dylan mentioned the correct number of siblings. It was too raw, too painful, too infuriating. Really, no one understood except Lou and Adrian. And even then, he kept thinking of the quote from Anna Karenina, all unhappy families being unhappy in their own way. He had to believe it was true of parentified teens as well.

Taliesin glanced back at the house, knowing Tali could emerge at any second. (Lou wouldn’t. Lou tended to not intervene in these kinds of things. Pointedly in fact, even when he kind of wished she would. He did not have her superpowers of gliding through the world. And that was before the weed use had eroded his social capital.)

He whispered one more time to Dylan. “We have a lot to talk about. And it’s okay if you don’t want to do it via traceable media.” Then he raised his voice a little, calling into the house.

“That’s a trick question if I’ve ever heard one, Tali.” Yet again, he swallowed his assertion that the answer was obvious. He’d just stopped fighting with Dylan, and Lou’s opinion was always (and he suspected would forever be) very clear. “We’re just talking about what we have in common.”

@dylanquilter

#p: doubles #tl: day twelve #with: tali #with: lou #with: taliesin

Dylan let out the world weariest sigh. "Yup." Taliesin's sister might be a mess, but Shannon was a menace and proud of it. That was a deadly combination and it caused a lot more problems than it solved.

He wasn't the kind of guy that spent too long on what ifs outside of Tali. Sometimes, he wondered what would happen to Shannon if he wasn't in love with Tali. Things might be more complicated, but at least he had a little bit of security and joy in the midst of all this shit.

He almost laughed as Taliesin showed even more shock. "Yeah, she's a fucking handful." His eyes darted back to Tali and Lou. They didn't have time to unpack all of this. "You have my number now with the airdrop stuff, text me and we'll meet up. They're gonna get antsy."

Taliesin made a good point. He had a locked down computer, but his phone not so much. Shannon had offered to teach him last Christmas but he figured that was more trouble than it was worth, and he was probably right on that front. "Okay, let's meet up near Tee's trailer tomorrow. Not a lot of people head out over there and we both have deniability if we bump into each other."

He laughed loudly at Tali's comment. Yeah, that was his girl. "Babe, it's not about the size of the paintbrush, it's how you use it. Tal knows that. We don't need to argue about it."

West Ham for the Holidays (Flashback and AUs)

“Yes. I will.” No she wouldn’t. Unless he annoyed her again and she decided to commit to the bit, but right now it was just too much labour and it was fucking Christmas.

“Maybe not in the functional, traditional sense of the word. But I’d fight a bitch for you,” she told him. She meant it too. Shannon could mess with Dylan, but nobody else was allowed to. Except BJ, but he was related to them so it was fine.

“I am trying very hard not to be offended right now, as it is Christmas and if we don’t let our transgressions slide on this wonderful holiday then when will we?” She grabbed a large plastic trash can from the hallway and placed it in his bedroom. “Just put everything in here. Your real pillows are under your bed. You’re welcome.”

Shannon flipped him off, smiling as she exited his room. “Merry Christmas, I’m going to go murder our cousin.”

#with: shannon #tl: before #p: elves not on shelves

"I'm always in favor of women in STEM." Shannon was close enough to a woman to count. Besides, he doubted she would actually go through that much work to help him. It just didn't sound like her.

He nodded his head in gentle thanks. "So would I. Other people don't get to mess with you. But the gloves are off when it's in this house." He was not going to agree to a real truce with her. She would never keep her word. Neither would he. It was the Quilter way.

"You're so magnanimous. Thank you, kind sister, for living up to the values of the holiday." It might have been nice if his face wasn't entirely flat. But he did actually smile as she admitted she didn't destroy his real pillows. "That was actually nice of you, Shan."

Then she flipped him off. Okay, that's fine. "Merry Christmas, remember to wear gloves."

After she was well and truly gone, he pulled her presents out of his laundry basket. He knew she'd never go digging through there. He set the Hourglass lighting palette and a tiny camera on top of her pillow. He might tease her about her crush, but he didn't fuck around when it came to what she loved - spying and makeup.

(the end)

West Ham for the Holidays (Flashback and AUs)

“I thought I’d make you a step-by-step video not just let you go through my phone. It’s my personal property.” That wasn’t what she was going to do at all but she had overestimated how gullible he was. Must be the Christmas spirit of it all.

“No shit!” She threw up her hands. “What ever happened to family loyalty? You two are sick.” Shannon would be willfully ignoring her own familial betrayal as it looked her in the eye.

She was so mad, she wanted to flick him between the eyes so badly, but she knew he’d stop her before she reached him 30 feet in the air. “I’m not the problem,” she repeated in a mocking imitation of his voice. “Sure.”

“Thanks? Is that it? Open them. I spent hours researching the best quality and satisfying combination for huge fucking nerds. The website said the keyboard is thocky. Whatever the fuck that means.”

#with: shannon #tl: before #p: elves not on shelves

"Okay, send me your video then." He'd watch it when he was bored. Watching Shannon try and figure out technology was bound to be funny. It might even be useful. Who knew with her?

He scoffed, "Yeah, this house is just so loyal. That's definitely the word I'd use to describe us." The tattered remnants of his pillows really begged to differ. But of course Shannon expected absolute loyalty while offering nothing in return.

"Whatever you say." He was surprised that she was still here. He'd expected her to go annoy BJ by now, but she was committed to her cause. He could respect that the slightest amount. Mind as well wring out as much annoyance from him as possible. That was truly in the spirit of the holidays.

"Okay, well, I haven't really used it yet so I don't know how grateful to be. Thocky's not bad though." He wasn't going to explain it, she didn't actually care. "And you are always good at research, so thanks for using that evil brain for good... sort of... this time."

A microwavable cup? Ew. Tali couldn’t even picture that and was grateful when he told her not to worry about it. She would honour that request because quite frankly she’d thought about it enough. The look on her face spoke for her.

Tali nodded at Tal in approval. “Good. That’s what we like to hear.” If this were a cartoon Tali would have a bunch of hearts floating around her head at Dylan’s reply to Lou. She let herself soak in that feeling for a moment before Tal steered Dylan away.

“It’s nice seeing you and Tal together,” she told Lou. “You just… you deserve this and I’m really happy for you.” There weren’t too many people’s happiness that Tali truly cared about, but Lou was one of them. She hoped this was just the beginning for the two of them. “The way he looks at you is so romantic.”

“What do they even have to talk about?” Tali asked with a laugh, turning to look at the door. She didn’t get any kind of impression that they wanted to get to know each other better, or be friends. God forbid. “Did he say something controversial about nerdy shit? Are they duking it out over which version of zombies is better?”

@lourdesvillasisniega

Lou’s brow crinkled as she watched Taliesin lead Dylan away. Did this have to do with Raleigh? He had been oddly possessive about that for someone who had been at the same dinner as Anu’s date. But she needed to push that out of her mind. It was probably harmless. Hopefully.

Tali’s words eased her worries. "Thank you. I don’t think I could have done this earlier, monogamy I mean, it’s not what I thought it’d be. I was convinced that it would feel like some sort of cage, but it’s oddly… freeing.” There was a comfort that you could just be and now that it wouldn’t ruin any work you’d put in to trying to hook up. To know that there was a bed you could crawl in to and be held, without real judgement or pressure. She’d never experienced anything like it.

Her gaze followed Tali’s. “I hope it’s just a stupid dick measuring contest. I don’t pretend to understand how bi men interact with each other when they aren’t interested in hooking up.” Her closest example of weird posturing was Cricket. He might not be bi, but he was close enough. “Tal’s not a zombie guy, but he could be giving Dylan a lecture on fictional languages. We can hope.” Although she didn’t like the body language on display. “Either way, we’ll both be able to bring them back down to earth in a moment.”

"You’re right. Rals tends to section shit off from her actual friends. The people she grew up with.” ‘Grew up with’ was a bit of a stretch since he’d only entered Lou’s circle in ninth grade, but Lou wasn’t that way with her, and neither was Wes. Or fucking Christian. “It’s not because she doesn’t trust us. It’s because she’s embarrassed. She’s embarrassed of her own taste. I wonder why.” He didn’t even bother to stare at Dylan pointedly. “In principle, I’m glad she tried to be your friend. I’m proud of her. It’s not her fault she trusted you. It’s your fault for letting her down. For washing your hands of responsibility because you’re pissing yourself over having to be in a social group your girlfriend belongs to.”

He paused just long enough to contain himself a little, catching his hand curling into a fist before reminding himself that he wasn’t his father. He didn’t break shit when he was mad. He didn’t yell. He just reminded people who exactly was the smartest person in the room.

And he wasn’t being that.

So he thought back. He tried to listen. Even if he really didn’t want to. “What the fuck does 'your family not going missing’ mean? How did Shannon piss him off?” He swallowed, the specter of Viola’s injuries rising in his mind. “Not that it would be her fault, but, you know, if he did…” He looked back toward the house, regretting way too many choices.

“Look, man. I’m fucking sorry. I don’t like the people your girlfriend hangs out with. Fucking obvious, I know. But kinda feels like you don’t like 'em either.”

@dylanquilter

#p: doubles #tl: day twelve #with: tali #with: lou #with: taliesin

Dylan shrugged off the first round of insults. He should have seen it coming. Of course this guy would be quick to label Dylan one way and never change. Happened a lot, honestly. Sometimes it pissed him off, but it wasn't worth showing it. That tended to make people even madder. And if they were going to get mad at him, might as well be for something he actually did.

But then something changed. Dylan didn't know him well enough to say what exactly had caused the change, but he could see it. Anger turned to curiosity. And it was really unfortunate because he could use some advice on the subject, but it was... delicate.

"No harm done. I get it." He glanced between the two groups. They were probably far enough away that Tali wouldn't be able to overhear him. "I tried to blend in and Tony didn't care. Indifference is the best I can hope for, but Shannon's built different." He leaned in closer, "I can't fully go into it right now for obvious reasons but she crashed the wake and Tony threatened to end her. Then, she broke into Tali's house. She's really fucking stupid that way."

He leaned back, casual smile on his face to make it look like this whole conversation meant nothing to him. He didn't want Tali suspicious of anything. He was trying to be as honest as he could with her, but the whole feud was really making his life hell. "I get the protectiveness, I do. I just am about as threatening as a gerbil right now. I'm not trying to hurt anyone, I'm just trying to walk out of here with the same number of siblings."

West Ham for the Holidays (Flashback and AUs)

“No, that’s not how it works. I know what you’re like.” Would he just hand over his phone for her to peruse? She thought not.

“I’ll go see him as soon as we’re done here. He took cash and pizza payment from me and this is how he repays me? The fucking audacity of men.” She couldn’t wait, not even to see him on Christmas Day tomorrow. This was fucking urgent.

“No! You’re not going to tell her anything because you have nothing on me.” She couldn’t risk it though. If he did know about how she felt… It would be catastrophic for her if Nell found out. She wasn’t going to let it happen. She growled and then stormed from the room, returning less than a minute later with three wrapped gifts in hand. “Merry early Christmas douchebag.” Shannon tossed them on his bed, ruining her gnome cult formation. “I upgraded your mouse, keyboard and your HDMI cable.” She gestured to the one being cut in half by another gnome with a missing leg. “It was fucked up anyway.”

#with: shannon #tl: before #p: elves not on shelves

"Did you really expect me to take your offer seriously without checking how you do things? Get real, Shan." He knew she thought he was an idiot, but he didn't think she thought he was that much of an idiot. Damn.

He fought to keep his smile from being too bright. "You just can't trust us," he clucked his tongue softly, "Quilter men are notorious traitors. It's just the way we're made."

Dylan mimed zipping his lips. "I was never going to say anything. I'm not the problem." He exuded sheer innocence, he was sure of it. But it was nice to see that her Nell feelings were as strong as ever. Always helped to have some good leverage.

And then she was stomping around and she threw stuff at his bed. He expected something horrible and it... nice? Weird. He didn't like it. He didn't like it at all. "Thanks?"

West Ham for the Holidays (Flashback and AUs)

“Oh big brother, there are ways around that. Do you need me to give you a tutorial?” she asked sweetly. She knew she was getting close to pushing him over whatever invisible line there was when it came to their siblinghood, but she was having a little too much fun to care.

“I will wring his disproportionate giraffe neck if what you’re telling me is true,” she told him. Her journals were off limits! Fuck, even just her bedroom was out of bounds for those cretins. Did she need to set up hidden cameras in her bedroom for security now? Is this what it was coming to? Dylan should probably do the same, considering their current situation. Haha. She wondered if her dad knew how to install a lock on her door. She would ask him as a Christmas favour.

“Nell? What are you talking about.” Shannon took a threatening step closer. “I don’t have any secrets that Nell isn’t already aware of,” she lied.

#with: shannon #tl: before #p: elves not on shelves

He narrowed his eyes at her for half a second before changing his mind. "You know what? Fuck it. Sure. Let me see your phone and I can glance through your set up to see if there's something I haven't learned." And maybe he'd give her a virus or something to piss her off.

"There's only way one for you to find out." He shrugged his shoulders, "Or maybe two. From the school or from him." Sorry, BJ. It was every Quilter for themself. That's just how things worked.

Dylan stifled a laugh. That was rich. "Sure, little one, keep telling yourself that. We'll see what she says when she finds out the truth." God, he almost felt a little bad about this. Then he looked at his room. Nah, she deserved what she got.

West Ham for the Holidays (Flashback and AUs)

“Sure, but I use my screen time to grow and enrich my inner life. My imagination is thriving. Clearly,” she said, gesturing to the room. Shannon was incredibly proud of her efforts. The fact that he was so annoyed was proof she’d done an amazing job, though she did wish he could lighten up a little and appreciate her festive artistry.

“Uh, duh. That’s why I asked, you insightful little thing.” Shannon rolled her eyes. But as soon as her diaries were mentioned her spine went ramrod straight. She looked him over, taking in every little detail about his body language. “You better just be messing with me,” she told him. “I know things about him too. AGAINST MY WILL!” It was her greatest pain to learn anything about her brother and her cousin. She would rather be oblivious to the goings-on of their private lives.

#p: elves not on shelves #tl: before #with: shannon

Dylan rubbed his forehead slowly. He was going to lose it. She had found some fucking influencer project and used it to make his life a living hell. She had truly scraped the bottom of the barrel. "Ah yes, we all know how great non-stop ads for shit you don't need is for inspiring people. You're a real genius."

He shook his head at her. Insulting him after she'd done this to his room. It was a lot to take in all at once, but he felt some small joy at how mad she was that BJ might be snooping through things. And the traitor deserved it for helping Shannon.

"I know how you feel about your diaries and I have no interest in them, but he seems to have some free time on his hand and a death wish. So, blame him. Not me." The things he did know, he wished he didn't. Shannon could be good at keeping secrets, but her feelings were almost too easy to read. "If you clean some of this up, I'll keep Nell from finding out the truth."

“Is that the one in a box?” she asked. “I’ve never had that before. Mom banned foods like that until I was 15. This is an ingredients household, I had to learn young.”

Tali took an array of photos for Lou. And Tal too, she supposed. She got all the best angles for Lou’s features, she coached them through a couple of poses so they’d have variety. Never waste an opportunity for a cute photo. Even if the date itself was a little lackluster, at least they all looked good enough to commemorate.

She handed her phone to Lou and took her place with Dylan. Dylan was going to be the best Instagram-boyfriend-with-no-Instagram ever if she had anything to do with it. Tali turned slightly towards him, looking up at him through her lashes. “Now kiss me please,” she said, determined to bring her vision to life. Once she was satisfied she had all the pictures she wanted, it was time to release everyone.

“Thank you for tonight you two,” she said, moving in to give Lou a hug. “I’m sorry about earlier,” she said into Lou’s ear. “Maybe just you and me next time.” At least they knew now. Some things you couldn’t know until you tried. “Take care of my girl, Tal. She’s very important to me.”

@lourdesvillasisniega

Lou chuckled at Tal’s comment. It was polite and still the tiniest bit snarky. She loved it. And she accepted Dylan’s apology with grace. He was an idiot and that wasn’t a crime. "It’s fine, I’m sure you have your own preferences too.” Hopefully he wouldn’t see fit to share them with her. She didn’t need to know that.

Tali handed her phone back and Lou scrolled through the pictures. They were really nice. Tali had an exceptional photographer and the subject matter was impeccable. It had been a guaranteed success.

And then Dylan put his hand on Tali’s ass and Lou carefully framed Tali’s picture so that his hand wasn’t in frame. Tact was a beautiful thing that he should learn.

“Thank you,” she hugged Tali tightly. She stifled another laugh, “Don’t worry about it. Mishaps are how we learn.” She didn’t regret the experience. It was good training wheels. Everyone else was too easy on Taliesin. He needed to experience awkwardness with Lou and prove that he can handle it. And he did. “And you take good care of Tali, Dylan. She’s a reina and deserves the world.”

Every part of Taliesin wanted to respond to Tali with an "Always.” But it hadn’t been true, and Lou would call him on it. Probably in front of people, which would be doubly awkward. So he just said “She’s important to me, so you have my word.”

He gave Lou’s hand a protective squeeze before gently letting go and stepping up to Dylan. “Let’s let the girls talk for just a second or two, Dylan.” Then he put his arm around Dylan and walked him out the front door and onto the porch. He turned slowly to face him, wanting to make it clear that someone could be by any minute. At this point, he wasn’t sure if that was for Dylan’s safety or his own, but he was committed to it now.

He let his voice find a deep, husky register he really didn’t use except when he was arguing with his father. (“Arguing” in the most measured way he could. He never wanted to scare Caleb or give Ruby another reason to be pissed off.) “I’m not sure this will ever come up with Tali because of what ever weird thing she has going with Tony and Anu, but if you hang her out to dry again like you did Raleigh, I’m not sure you’ll survive that.”

He could see the gears in Dylan’s head turning, forming a response, but Tal wasn’t done. “Let me guess. She’s her own person. They both are. Fine. That’s true. But you hang out with some of the most toxic men imaginable, so it’s on you to keep them from hurting the people they’re most likely to hurt. Maybe you don’t give a shit. I don’t know. Frankly, Raleigh’s taste in men is fucking abysmal so I had zero expectations for you. But this is your single warning. I’ve dealt with enough bullshit from Tony’s camp in the last week. If it washes back onto Raleigh, Lou, or anyone else, you will deeply, deeply regret it. Understand? Or should I say fucking ‘capiche’?”

#p: doubles #with: lou #with: tali #with: taliesin #tl: day twelve

"Yeah, a box or a microwaveable cup. Don't worry about it." He liked that she didn't know these things. It was cute. He couldn't imagine what it was like having parents that didn't make you fend for yourself, but he'd also hate it. He liked that she was so smart, but a little out of touch with being normal. It made her elite.

When Tali asked for a kiss, he gave her one. The level of tongue wasn't exactly camera appropriate, but he was enthusiastic. He didn't want her to ever think he took her or their relationship for granted. This shit was hard fought and they deserved a little celebration.

He pulled away and walked face first into a warning. Damn. The two of them could have their own cop show. "Trust me, I know how lucky I am to have her." He'd already fucked this up too many times. And Tony could turn Tali against him at any minute. He was walking on egg shells to make sure that he didn't lose her. "But noted. It's good to know I'm not the only one that puts her happiness first."

Dylan was doing his best to reign in a frown. He didn't like the idea of letting the girls talk alone. Nor did he particularly want to be alone with Taliesin considering the guy hadn't really wanted to talk to him at dinner. He didn't like the feeling of Tal's arm around his shoulders, it felt like a leash.

He braced for the worst, but more than anything he was confused. He'd never left Raleigh out to dry? She'd tried to ghost him, but it was a small town. And they were friends, but also how was this any of Tal's business?

And then the dude went straight off the deep end. Like, seriously, that was a lot to throw at one guy on a double date. It also seemed like Taliesin had maybe sectioned them off because he wanted to talk about Tony. He may not know Lou well enough, but he saw how she tiptoed around him at dinner.

He sat in the silence after Taliesin finished talking, crossing his arms leisurely. "For starters, I'm not asking for a primer on your relationship with Raleigh, but clearly she's not interested in talking about what she does away from you with you. We're friends. We've known each other for over a year. I didn't ask her to dinner thinking that Tony was going to go full mafioso and we talked about it after."

His friendship wasn't something he really wanted to dissect, but he didn't like the assumption this dude was making. "And I'm only saying this because you've somehow decided without knowing me that you don't like me... the majority of my friends are women. I don't know how it happened, but it's true. So, like, maybe take a step back there."

As for the rest... well, he was in a bit of a pickle. He was sitting on a lot of information but Taliesin had already proven himself to be irrational by coming in so heated. He didn't know if he was even capable of being trustworthy. "What Tony does or doesn't do has fuck all to do with me. I am the least powerful person in that room. And to be frank, the reason my family hasn't gone missing in the last two weeks is because I'm dating Tali." He wasn't a hundred percent sure of that, but he was more than a little certain she was the only thing keeping him safe.

"I don't know what games you're playing at. I saw you at that dinner and it didn't look like a favor to me. Unlike you, I don't care to break up a happy home when I see one. But I'd suggest if you're gonna throw out a warning, make sure it's not going to go to waste." He sighed. Why did this shit have to be complicated with guys? There was no way he was getting out of this with an ally. It would have been nice, but Taliesin apparently didn't know how to play nice. "I'm trying to keep my family safe and I have feelings for someone in a dangerous group. I know what I got myself into. But I am about as useful to Tony as a limp dish rag and he has more useful threats against me than Raleigh. Are we done? Or do you want to throw more baseless accusations my way?"

“Yes they are. Good for them,” Tali nodded, scrunching her nose at her friend in amusement, thankful she’d played along.

“Three incredibles in a row?” Tali touched her hand to her chest. “I’d warn you about it going straight to my head but it’s too late. You’ve successfully inflated my ego.” She smiled at them. “Thank you. It means a lot to me.”

Tali watched Dylan’s airdrop request pop up on her screen and tapped accept. She didn’t have a clue what this meme was about, more nerdy shit maybe? “It works,” she said. That was good. She was wondering how she was going to send pictures to him, now she had her answer. They’d just have to be in the same place when she did which was slightly inconvenient, but no matter. She’d be able to see his reaction which would be fun.

“Oh baby,” Tali laughed softly and gently pat Dylan on his cheek. She reached up to tousle his hair a little. She was playing it cool but he really did look edible. Those dimples made her want to do impolite things. “Perfect,” she said instead and pulled him to his feet.

“How about over here?” Tali said, leading them to the archway between the entryway and living room. The entry behind them was staged for just this kind of thing. Aesthetically pleasing without taking away from the actual subjects of the photo. “You two first,” she said to Lou and Tal.

@lourdesvillasisniega

"I’ll drink to that,” Lou raised her margarita in a toast. She took a sip, hiding her own chuckles behind it. Sometimes it was fun to be a little bit ridiculous, but only sometimes. She didn’t want Dylan thinking he had free reign to keep talking about dicks. He didn’t.

She was mildly touched by the interplay between Tali and Dylan. He did seem to make her girl happy and that counted. “He’s not wrong, you’re exceptional in and out of the kitchen.” And Taliesin was smart enough to know not to comment on it.

Taliesin’s own information gathering didn’t interest her much, so she let them run their little test and watched Tal store that information somewhere in his weed-soaked brain.

But then he was being the Tal she remembered and she was so tempted to laden the innuendo on thick. And then Dylan poured a metaphorical cold bucket of water on her by calling her Lourdes. “It’s Lou. Please.” Her smile tightened so hard it hurt, but she would be nice about this. She would.

While Tali and Dylan primped and preened on the other side of the table, Lou leaned in close to Tal. Her lips brushed against his ear, “I will give you very detailed instructions as soon as we leave. I promise you that.” Despite their major hiccups, he’d done well enough at this that she wasn’t embarrassed. She just had no inclination to do it again.

“Oh, okay,” she fluffed her hair and rested her head against his shoulder. His scent clouded out everything else for her. His laundry soap and the slightest tinge of weed because it never really came out of clothes. There was the subtlest hint of motor oil buried under the rest of it. It all felt like home to her. She smiled wide, genuinely happy and proud to be with him. “Queso.”

Taliesin was on his best behavior. Then Dylan called Lou Lourdes. Tal took a deep breath through his nostrils, tamping down the Pavlovian response he’d now trained himself to have to that name because of Cricket Marston. He was having a lot of thoughts. A veritable treadmill of insults and comebacks and observations that this was yet another trans community adjacent mistake on Dylan’s part. (Just call people what they want to be called, fuck.)

But Lou was being nice. So he had to be nice. He put on his ‘dealing with rich wine moms’ smile. "Man, I don’t even know where you heard that. I thought we’d eradicated it aside from certain unsavory elements.” That was nice, right? Kind of?

Tal could tell Dylan still wanted his approval, which was both confusing and exploitable. But he let the Ken doll get his little ego boost from Tali and focused on getting out of here for… well… reasons.

He went where he was told and put his arm around Lou, making sure his hand was visibly not in an improper place. He needed to model what he would tolerate from Dylan right now, even if Lou was making it very, very difficult. He managed to not say the Sindarin word for dairy. (It was conjecture, frankly, but he did know it.) He wanted this to be over quick. But he knew better than to call the photo shoot over before she decided it was.

#p: doubles #with: tali #with: taliesin #with: lou #tl: day twelve

"Can't say it enough, babe." He laughed self consciously, "I can barely make easy mac. You really blow me out of the water." Did he mean to have an innuendo in there? Not really but it was Tali. She kinda inspired that in him.

Dylan had no idea if airdrop working was a good or bad thing. It kinda felt just like a thing with no real benefits today. It wasn't like everyone was gonna go into an airdropping frenzy. He couldn't think of many practical uses but at least Tal got what he wanted out of this. Maybe it would score a few points.

Or maybe it wouldn't because he'd fucked up Lou's name. Damn. "Sorry about that." He gave her what he hoped was a genuine smile and not a smug one. He didn't have a ton of practice. Tal was trying to give him some kind of hint but the problem was he didn't remember where he heard Lou's full name before. "Won't happen again. Lou definitely fits her better." The contradiction was something he could appreciate.

He leaned into Tali's touch before pulling out her chair. He had to admit that Tal and Lou had a natural air to them that went to pictures. They had a lot to live up to. Thank God there wasn't social media right now where he'd actually have to analyze this shit.

For their picture, he put one hand on Tali's hip and the one farther from the camera on her ass. It was classy enough. He gave a big smile for their audience's benefit.

West Ham for the Holidays (Flashback and AUs)

“Oof, you probably shouldn’t say that too loudly.” Shannon gestured to the ones on his bed. “They’re listening,” she whispered.

“Maybe, but yours is rotted,” she said, offering him a sympathetic look. “All that screen time, how are your last 3 brain cells doing? Suffering? That’s probably why you can’t think of something creative.”

“Me?” Shannon barked a laugh. “You’re so funny Dyl. I love your sense of humour sometimes.”

Shannon knew he was baiting her, but she couldn’t ignore it. Unfortunately he knew her too well. “What did he say?”

#p: elves not on shelves #with: shannon #tl: before

"I'm sure Santa can hear me loud and clear." He was gonna fucking lose it. What was it about this time of year that made her extra annoying? This was going far behind switching her coffee with decaf or eating her desserts in the fridge. He needed to develop a serious form of payback for next year.

He rolled his eyes. "Funny criticism coming from someone who has glued a phone to their hand." He was not going to have her lecture him on screentime when she'd probably die if she couldn't access social media for 15 hours.

And the fake laugh was even worse. She really was selling this just a little bit too hard. It was a good thing she never went out for drama club because he ego couldn't handle that level of loss. Hey, maybe he should volunteer her for drama club. That could be funny.

"Wouldn't you like to know." BJ wasn't really involved in their wars quite often but he was observant enough. "But you might want to check that all of your diaries are still under lock and key because if what he told me was true...." He whistled. "Well, it would be a shame to have your business broadcast like that."

“They’re on their way are they Lou?” Tali said, her eyes sparkling with mirth. In that moment she wished these boys would go talk about their little zombies somewhere else so she could talk to Lou for five minutes without the heavy filtering.

Whose idea was it to have a double date again? It might have been hers. And if that was the case, lesson learned. She vaguely remembered discussing some kind of movie double date with Trip and Heli but she’d be pulling the brakes on that one if it was mentioned again.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” she told Dylan. There was something special about getting to share her culture with him. She was showing him pieces of who she was and where she came from and he’d responded beautifully to all of it. She had a feeling her mom would have been proud of what she’d pulled off tonight.

“I’d love that,” she agreed. “I might text you one of me during my bangs era as thanks.”

“Calls work between everyone here,” Tali confirmed, glancing over at Dylan’s phone. She needed to fix his phone wallpaper. “Does airdrop work?” she asked, not knowing if that was a Bluetooth or internet feature. “I miss Instagram. And streaming music. Actually, would you mind taking a picture of Dylan and I tonight? Doesn’t need to be right this second, we just don’t have any yet.” She looked hopefully at Lou. “I’ll take some for you too, we need to memorialise that amazing outfit.”

The urge to sigh in annoyance over the guys television and video game opinions was so strong. This wasn’t the kind of charming dinner party conversation she’d hoped for, but it was better than the alternative. Not by much though.

Between Tal’s raised eyebrow and Tali’s comment, Lou had clearly struck something. She could be refined when she wanted to be. But there were certain occasions were you had to give the people what they wanted. In her flattest tone, she said, "They’re coming, Tali, the dicks are coming.”

But as to seeing them as art that inspired joy? “I think I’d stick to the classics. Graffitied dicks are no Basquiat or Keith Haring. We should aim a little higher in artistry.”

She agreed with Dylan, though, on the dessert to soften the blow. “Dylan is right. This is an incredible dessert, you’ve truly proved your prowess in the kitchen.”

She smiled at the idea of Tali with bangs. It was hard to picture when her look was already so iconic. They would definitely be having some sort of cute-off in old photos. “I look forward to it.”

Answering Tal’s question could get her into trouble. She didn’t like sharing personal details of anything with someone like Dylan. Also, to her mind this felt more like something to discuss with the science group the day before but he’d certainly had other things on his mind then. “I store all of my photos and videos locally. I don’t trust the cloud for that.” Way too easy for her future to be blown away with one simple hack. “So, they’re always accessible to me whenever I need them.” He knew what that meant and she was going to leave it there.

“Texting works but it’s always green instead of blue. Music that was stored locally is still there. I don’t use very many apps, so I really can’t speak to that.”

Her ears perked up at the chance to play director. That was something she could get behind. She adored ordering men around, even if she didn’t like them. It was nice to watch them do what she said. “Of course. I’d be delighted to.”

Even though she might object to the notion of memorializing a night that would be so impossible to forget, she didn’t hate the idea of a first couples photo for her and Tal. And one taken by someone other than the New Romantics would make that whole process less awkward. She patted Tal’s thigh gently, “We’d love a picture.”

After four years, Tal was intimately familiar with Lou’s irritation. It helped that she didn’t bother to hide it, but she did do this thing where she pretended to be annoyed when she wasn’t fully.

This was not that.

So he shut up and took another sip of his margarita, nodding to agree with Lou’s artistic assertion and Dylan’s assessment of the dessert. He snorted at her remark and then swallowed as she patted his thigh, giving him a clear assignment: Sit where you’re supposed to and shut up. Fine. He could do that. He’d have to.

"Thank you for your feedback.” He said with a double meaning, cataloging the technological data in the archives of his hungry mind. “Every little bit of knowledge helps. We’ll figure it out.” He straightened his pants to stand up. “Just tell me where you want me, Louie.”

It would be easy enough to get Dylan alone with the excuse of giving the girls some alone time. Would it be torture? Yes. But who of remained to be seen.

#with: tali #tl: day twelve #p: doubles #with: lou #with: taliesin

Dylan had to laugh at the dick joke. It was perfect. And he was so proud of his girl for making it happen. Masterful. This was the part of dating he really liked. The talking about feelings could be difficult but it was worth it for the banter and the dick jokes.

"Of course," He would never turn down any of Tali's cooking. "I have no idea how you turned all that liquid into this but it's incredible. You're incredible." Compliments were easier for him to get used to. She needed that from him and he was happy to give it.

He hadn't had much use for airdrop lately. To test it, he sent Tali a meme via airdrop. "If you got that, we know it works." He was into computers but that was the extent of his technological abilities without youtube.

"Thanks, Lou...rdes." Dylan had the urge to run to the bathroom to check the mirror. He got the impression, however, that Taliesin would respect him less. So he turned to Tali, "Do I look presentable? We have to project the same level of hotness in our pic."

West Ham for the Holidays (Flashback and AUs)

Shannon heard Dylan finally come home and she froze, her heart racing with excitement. She crept across the floor to her bedroom doorway and listened, the urge to erupt in giggles was so strong she almost couldn’t hold it in. She snorted loudly at their dad telling him off for cursing. It was all too good.

She made him wait a good thirty seconds more before she made her way to his room, skipping merrily as she went. “Merry Eve! Whoaaaa.” Shannon whistled, leaning into his doorway to pretend to get a good look at the madness. “You must have really pissed Santa off if he sent all these to do this. And on Christmas Eve! Shocking. Is that a cult leader?” she asked, pointing at the gathering on his bed.

“This is going to take a long time to clean up. You should probably get started. Have fun at BJ’s?”

#tl: before #with: shannon #p: elves not on shelves

Well she wasn't getting into an acting program anytime soon. It was a little pathetic how overboard she was going to sell it while also bragging about her own handiwork. He thought she was better than this. "Think our letters got mixed up. I was an angel all year and you already have the hair of Satan."

He wasted the best of his pranks on her last year, cutting a piece of her hair off and fashioning it into a noose. That would have been useful retribution at a time like this but the clock had run out. Damn. He lifted his comforter off the bed, scattering elves and pillow fluff onto the ground. "Oops." Some of them landed on top of her foot but that was her own problem, not his.

"You know, I have to hand it to....Santa. This was more work than most people would put into a stunt. So good to know how much...he cares about me." At the very least, he could point out that wasting this much attention on him was weird.

"BJ is fine. He's gonna be so happy to hear that you're asking after him. Part of last night was spent with him complaining that he's just not sure you appreciate him enough." That was a lie. He hadn't brought her up once, but the fact that she was so chatty made Dylan suspicious. "I think you hurt his feelings, Shan. You might want to fix that. Who knows what could come out of that?"

Tali managed to stifle her laugh at Anu being a big fan of grinding. She was being tested tonight and she was not loving it. She loved Anu dearly but the last few days had been very turbulent. For all of them. Tali would probably have to feed her some information from this date to get her to forgive her for it happening in the first place. Laila too, probably. Wildly differing friend circles were too complicated.

“I’ve seen that online,” Tali commented, that being the full extent of her zombie show knowledge. It wasn’t really her thing. The lack of showers? It was too gross. Dylan sounded nerdy as fuck right now though. She kind of liked it.

Wow. Tal sure felt very strongly about opposition to Fern. She hadn’t been expecting that, it hadn’t been his stance at the dinner the other night. And much like that audience, this one wasn’t really a good place for it either. She clocked Dylan’s signal and touched her knee to his so he’d know they were on the same page. She wanted to challenge Tal, point out that Fern was a liar who was letting too much slip through the cracks. That she’d sent Tali’s friends into danger and one had returned in a DIY body bag. “Hmm,” she said. “That’s an interesting way to look at it. I’d just assumed the people tagging the school bathrooms had decided to bring it into town. There are probably several more penis covered things around.”

“Aw, that’s very sweet,” Tali said to Lou. She blinked at Tal, then offered him a polite smile. “Ah, okay. I wasn’t in charge of the guest list so I’m not sure about that one.” She was sure actually, he just wasn’t invited. They didn’t need him getting a front row seat to things. “I personally haven’t crossed paths with him much.”

@lourdesvillasisniega

Lou was proud of herself for not rolling her eyes. Talking about a tv show right now felt like the stupidest idea possible, but she’d take it if it would keep Dylan distracted. Their equivalent of an ipad for the man child who needed attention at every turn.

If she hadn’t seen him beg for her approval a handful of days ago, Lou might have been jealous by Tal’s ardent endorsement of Fern. It helped that she knew Fern had less than zero romantic or sexual interest in him. But she wondered why that was enough to trip him so quickly into defense mode when she’d received cold shoulder after cold shoulder for an entire week with him. Perhaps some people just had better luck.

She didn’t like Dylan raising his eyebrow but she also had no clue what it meant. He was an enigma to her and she was trying to keep things that way. And the bit about Raleigh made sense, given he’d been at her house more recently. "She was pretty peeved about that,” not for the reasons Tali or Dylan would have been. “But I can’t say I’ve seen an explosion of drawn dicks lately. I’m sure they’re…” she was not going to say coming. Absolutely not. “On their way.”

“Thank you,” Lou said, touched by the warmth in Tali’s voice. “I will text you a pic or two of us being utterly charming while dancing as children.”

She wasn’t sure what Taliesin was trying to get at here but she wished to God he’d just asked her. Questions about Christian were her territory not Dylan and Tali’s. This was fairly basic. “Christian is not one for most Alessi events,” she cleared her throat, “He finds them overstimulating.” That was close enough to the truth for the table.

"Telltale, actually.” The Walking Dead games were a lot easier to follow when you were high since they had to wait for your decision. “But really Telltale, Darabont and Gimple, and then Kirkman in that order. I’m an adaptation nerd, what can I say? And they handled Carl so much better. I’m protective of that little dude.” Taliesin took another sip in a vain attempt to calm himself down. “Their graffiti’s made me cry before, actually. The messages Maggie leaves for Glen?” He mimed getting stabbed in the heart. This was the danger with Tal. He couldn’t help but talk about the things he was interested in. It was the one thing that ruined his stoner persona: the passion.

Taliesin immediately caught Lou editing herself and raised an eyebrow so high it nearly got stuck there. He would take small solace in these things. Lou being… well, Lou was far more calming to him than any discussion of literature or media.

He considered Dylan’s assertion with wary eyes. “Interesting theory. We can only hope for an dick drawing epidemic then I suppose.” He couldn’t shake the feeling that Dylan and Tali were being deliberately obtuse, but the sort of went with the territory, didn’t it? The doublespeak, the posturing. It had been one of the few things he’d enjoyed about interviewing Aurora and Cricket. The two of them were allergic to subtext, even when they tried to hide things.

When he’d first seen Viola’s injuries, he’d decided he was done being scared. Perhaps it should have come earlier. (Definitely it should have come earlier, his conscience clarified. He wouldn’t have been in nearly as much trouble with Lou if he hadn’t been so intimidated by Anu and the setting and the Lou being there but not with him that he had a fawn response to Anu’s flirting.) But the fact of the matter was, it had happened nearer to now. It was a bad idea to come out swinging for Fern. It was a bad idea to bring up Christian. He knew that intellectually, but he realized now that some part of him was ready to make himself a target. The Alessis were an angry bunch. If he could get a reaction, that would be something he could use that wouldn’t violate the painful promise he’d made to Viola and Ruby.

But Lou would kill him. If she wasn’t about to already. So Tal shrugged. “Makes sense.” So it now fell to him to find another topic that wouldn’t cause… whatever that was… in him. “I’m curious. What functions still work on your cellphones? I’ll admit I don’t remember saving all the reaction gifs I can pull up but I’d presume they’re local storage.” That was safe, right? Or were mafia people super sensitive about phones because of the whole wiretapping thing?

@dylanquilter

#p: doubles #tl: day twelve #with: tali #with: lou #with: taliesin

Telltale. Wow. That said a lot about Taliesin. "I'd agree about the tv show and the Maggie/Glenn stuff was cool and also helpful." He just wanted to reiterate that what Taliesin said did not make what he said untrue. There weren't a ton of dick drawings in The Walking Dead that he could remember.

He wanted to fist pump at the feel of Tali's leg against his. They were on the right page. And he was going to be part of helping Tony. This was a win-win for the current situation he was in. Taliesin might be useful to him in the long run, but he really couldn't tell if he was more of a zealot for a cause or just trying to push his agenda right now. The guy was very hard to read.

But Tali had reminded him that there was a phase two to the plan. Yes, he'd admitted to the dicks under unfair pressure from Drew Rogers but he did intend to leave more around town to prove it was non-discriminatory. He'd have to get back to that. "I mean I don't know if spray paint counts as a vital resource or anything, but I guess art really comes in all forms. Maybe that person is trying to bring a little joy." Unlikely to win him points here, but still.

He finished the last of his dessert off with a satisfied sigh. "Best dessert ever, amor." That was a bit of a lie, he could think of more entertaining ones they'd had together but this was for polite company. He could pretend to have manners.

Dylan pulled his phone out of his pocket. "So, most mobile games are out but they were the ones that required internet. I can send texts and some pictures but they stop loading after a certain point. No internet anything but the downloaded version of movies on Netflix works for me. I think I can make calls, but who does that anymore?"

West Ham for the Holidays (Flashback and AUs)

Man, funerals are depressing. And being stuck in New Ham is somehow more so.

Much as we love the phase system, that means it’s like May 14th, 2019 in game when we’re almost at 2020 outside it. So, in the service of the season (and to lighten things up a bit), we’d like to welcome you to show us how your characters celebrate or have celebrated the holidays.

From Thanksgiving to New Years, give us your heartwarming flashbacks, ABC Family worthy romcom AUs, and general good cheer. You can do these posts in dash reply or doc form, but please reblog this post as always for ease of tracking. Feel free to send other characters gifts as well! (Please open up those submission boxes, friends <3) Whether you’re going Turkey Drop, Scrooged, or Black Christmas, all times and AUs are welcome.

We’ll gather them all together for one great New Year’s Day present post to say how thankful we are for y’all!

So press play, gather round the fire, and go.

It was the early hours of December 24th 2018. And it was time for the grand finale.

Shannon had been planning this since September. Every year Shannon and Dylan’s mom insisted on having this stupid fucking elf make an appearance. It was part of the “magic of Christmas” as if they both weren’t 16 and 17 years old and stopped believing in this shit almost a decade ago. But she insisted and as a way to… cope with the pain of having to react to different G rated scenes every morning, the siblings decided to take things into their own hands. This was their second year of daily December pranks, using their magic elf as a scapegoat for their own chaos.

There were safeguards in place, months of preparation that had finally come together. Dylan was at their cousin’s house, she’d paid him $66 and pizza delivery to get him to let Dylan sleep over and keep him occupied with the Xbox until at least 7am Christmas Eve. She needed his room to be empty for a minimum of nine hours, and BJ was the only one who’d accepted her bribe.

Fueled by rage and vengeance (there was a piece of hair on the underside of her head that was several inches shorter than the rest of her long fiery locks), Shannon was putting final touches on the scene she’d set up in her brother’s gaming pit. She arranged the 73 dollar store elves like a festive nightmare come to life. (The name brand elves were like $30 each. Plus these ones looked way creepier.)

One of them had decapitated one of its brethren and was swinging from his light fixture, head in hand. Another had stolen his mouse and keyboard and had wrapped them to gift to Niamh. A three eyed elf had taken a pair of scissors to the power cable on his PC. One had sliced open one of his pillows and spread chunks of memory foam all over the room. Another had set up a Ouija board and was speaking to the dead with three jovial friends. One had started a cult in the center of his bed and was giving an impassioned speech to their followers (which was written out and taped to said elf’s hand).

There were many more scattered around engaged in various evil deeds and destruction, but those were a few of Shannon’s favourites. She wasn’t sure when he would be home, but she was ready. And now, all she had to do was wait.

@dylanquilter

#tl: before #with: shannon #p: elves not on shelves

Dylan wasn't sure what was going on with Beej but he was happy to spend the night eating some carbs and playing games. Skipping out on the breadsticks made him cry inside but he couldn't risk the abs. BJ was a competent gamer, but he wasn't joining a pro team anytime soon. And Dylan's guild was on his ass again about trying to pick things up. They couldn't take a hint.

He was tired from gaming and ready to collapse into bed, but the second he opened his door he knew something was wrong. He could smell Shan's perfume in the air. The second thing he noticed was the headless elf swinging through the air. "God damnit, Shannon."

He wiped his bleary eyes, trying to make out the words on the present. You could barely even call it that considering the elves were giving it to...Niamh. The fuck? She did not need a gaming keyboard and especially not his. And his power cord had been shredded. That was just fucking perfect. It's not like that didn't cost money and a trip to a computer supply store. He had never done something that required her to go to a specialty store to fix it. Fucking bitch.

The mess on his bed was worse but at least he could wipe all her handiwork off and lay on a pillowless bed. As long as he remembered the elves were on the floor and didn't fuck up his feet later. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

He didn't exactly expect an answer but his dad yelling at him for language in the other room was pretty rich considering what they'd allowed his sister to get away with. "You guys gonna repair my stuff or what?" His dad didn't answer.

But somewhere nearby, he knew that she was gloating. "Show your face, coward."

Tali wished they could talk about Lou’s issue with Anu without bringing it back to the dinner party, but apparently that was not to be. She wasn’t interested in offering her own perspective here. It was one of those things she and Lou tended to avoid discussing, and she didn’t know how to do it without things devolving completely.

She took the water Dylan offered her and used the opportunity to not speak. Dylan wouldn’t be inviting Raleigh because he’d be with her. It would look very bad if her boyfriend was inviting other girls to parties as his plus one. Saying so would make her sound jealous though. She might be fine to admit that in private but not here.

Tali had opened her mouth to answer Tal when Dylan chimed in. She turned slightly to look at her boyfriend, the graffiti dick artist himself. “I didn’t see that, no. But I did hear about it this morning.” Tali raised her eyebrow at him ever so subtly. “Whoever is responsible must have been very bored that day.”

“I don’t think we’ve really talked about childhood friends much have we?” She asked Lou, trying to ignore the tension she felt in herself and all around. “Little Lou would have been very cute though, I have no doubts. Why do you ask Tal?”

@lourdesvillasisniega

What a relief to know that in this new world, Tony has more restraint. It was on the tip of her tongue but she would not say it. Tali would never forgive her and none of this was on Tali. They had learned a new boundary of their relationship and while that was good for the future, it didn’t help much right now.

“She’s a big fan of grinding actually. I have seen her at parties and she certainly knows how to liven things up.” She gave her blandest smile, proud of herself for finding a way to compliment Anu. She could be nice, she really could.

And Tal was thankfully softening up the tiniest bit. She didn’t hate the idea of teaching him to dance. It would be almost charming in its own way. More romcom than they usually were, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Then he ruined it.

She hadn’t meant to push his buttons and she should be kind. This was a lot for him. But the past few days had been a lot for her. And he hadn’t gone out of his way to make it easier for her, he’d told her to deal with it. So, if they were going to treat each other as equals that meant he had to deal with his own shit too.

Lou opened her mouth but Dylan brought up graffiti and she was at a loss for words. “I’m not surprised, but I agree with Tali. It’s boring and juvenile.”

She smiled warmly at her friend. Tali had made a wonderful feast and she looked beautiful in the candlelight. A true hostess who had it all. “We are,” Lou confirmed. “It’s one of those boring relationships no one wants to hear about though, childhood friends who went through puberty messily together. He was my first kiss.” And many other things but she was not going to torture Taliesin that hard. “I can’t imagine why Tal wants to talk about it.”

Taliesin swallowed his words as Dylan explained that he “didn’t think” he’d be inviting Raleigh to any more death adjacent dinner parties. Even he knew not to say things like that, but if Dylan wanted to walk into the High Tower of Angmar and whistle, that was his own affair.

He really didn’t want to talk about Anu grinding on anybody, but expressing that felt like just another way to prolong the conversation. Thankfully, Dylan decided to switch the topic to something that Taliesin could comfortably feel superior about. “Are you serious, man? Graffiti is like a major trope of the apocalypse genre. Who could forget "Don’t Open, Dead Inside”? Or “Don’t Dead, Open Inside” if you want the meme version.“ His father had a lot of opinions about The Walking Dead, but Taliesin couldn’t be convinced that Ford Mauk had basic narrative comprehension so he tried to not get into it. They would have to agree to disagree on how "hilarious” it was that language could be read multiple ways.

“If people are going to make their mark, I’d prefer they have something to say beyond ‘I’m a misogynist who’s threatened by a little blonde junior who weighs maybe ninety pounds soaking wet.’ ” Taliesin wasn’t as protective of the Bright girls as he was of the Fuscos considering the power differential (Harry had always felt like an unapproachable artist to him until less than two years ago, so he’d felt less comfortable approaching them.), but he wasn’t going to let someone hurt or scare either Nell or Fern. Not if he could help it. He eyed Dylan. “Though I suppose it’s not about what she can do physically, is it? It’s more about what she represents to people who can’t keep up with her. Or the people who support her.”

He met Lou’s statement with a wry smile. He couldn’t argue with the truth about Christian, but that hadn’t actually been the point. “I only mention it because he cultivates such an air of enigma, Louie. I half expected to find him at Tony’s little Last Supper and was puzzled when I didn’t. And the pictures are genuinely cute.” He didn’t venture a touch, because he knew she was still pissed, but he did hope she believed him. He could be an adult. Kinda.

@dylanquilter