“…and then, in the end, Rey sighs and says ‘Skywalker’ The end.”
At that point, Han had been already zoned out for the past fifteen minutes, absently fidgeting with the dice in his hands.
Leia had her face in her hands and kept massaging her forehead as if trying to get rid of a persistent headache.
Chewie let out a low thrill that had made C3PO gasp, for no other of the several languages he was fluent in had such a harsh string of swear words. Artoo, however, warbled in agreement with a profanity of his own.
And Luke, well. Last time anyone had seen him this horrified, he had just learned that Darth Vader was his father.
Lando, sitting across of them on the table - surrounded by several sheets of flimsi, datapads and differently sided dice - looked between his friends nervously.
“So uh… how did you like our first campaign, you guys?”
Leia’s words came muffled through her hands.
“'Let’s play this fun game I learned of in Corellia’, you said, 'it’s called dungeons and zillos, and we can make up characters to have fun with’, you said…”
“W-well.” Lando shrugged, offering an uncertain smile “Wasn’t it fun?”
Leia whipped her face up, weary after a week of daily reunions with the group and controlling her character - a girl named Rey - by tossing dice around and making increasingly terrible choices thanks to the increasingly terrible twists and turns in the narrative they were forced to follow.
“Being trapped in a trash compactor about to crush me to death was more fun than that, Lando!” Han screamed, shoving the small figurine of his likeness at the other man’s face “I got kriffing killed by that sick evil banthashit of a son you created for me!”
“And so did I!” Luke chimes in, scoffing at his own figurine “And you made me wear the same ugly old robes the entire time I was there! Then you gave us those other characters to play with, Finn and Poe, and then you pushed us out of the storyline to have that Kyle-”
“Kylo” Lando corrects him with a wince
“Kylo whatever try to push a romance with Rey-”
“As if I would raise that creep of a son!” Leia interjects angrily, squeezing her Rey figurine in her hand “And honestly? My girl Rey should’ve killed that wannabe-darth vader dead on the spot!”
“C’mon, you guys!” Lando defends himself “At least the plot was good!”
Amidst the angry yelling that followed, Threepio piped up:
“Master Lando, if I may, I’m afraid ‘Rey Palpatine’ does not configure what could be called a good plot.”
Artoo whistled something that could be roughly translated as “yeah, no shit.”
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romaincrisis
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turnnoffyourmind
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