Little Story @dzuraida - Tumblr Blog

Perfect Way

I don’t know where to start, but surely I want to write again. Have you ever believe about perfect way ? not the best way but perfect. It’s start just like that, like you fall asleep Hazel Grace said. Slowly then everything at once. Write this while see how the raindrop fall from the sky, not everything that fall gonna be bad mess. See the rain, it falls, break, and create rainbow. Doesn’t the rainbow looks beautiful ? yes it’s beautiful mess.

Falling for someone too show you the perfect way that is should be. Perfect way to say hello and perfect way to say goodbye, perfect way to start it and perfect way to end it. Since beginning all people not perfect but fall for someone make it perfect. I know I say I’m not perfect, but I try my best to make you happy. By small things you maybe not or never notice. Because I’m never enough for you, that’s what my head keep saying. But the truth is I’m always enough and perfect for someone who really mean for it.

Breaking down and ask for forgiveness so many times even it’s not my fault. Don’t you think I’m loving you enough even more than myself ? I feel I’m not even love myself. For the first time in my life I realize that I’m enough and worth. I wanna let you go and let you chase your best thing that can be enough for you, as I never be. I want you to be happy, even not with me. You know why ? Because I believe I can be happier without you.

It was perfect way to first say hello to you, and now it’s a perfect way to say goodbye. Perfect way to let you go, saying my last hello then leave. I hope you met some other girl that bring the best of you. And you will love her the perfect way.

“ Di malam yang sesunyi ini, Aku sendiri tiada yang menemani, Akhirnya kini kusadari, Dia telah pergi, Tinggalkan diriku ”

“ Mengapa terjadi kepada dirimu, Aku tak percaya kau telah tiada, Haruskah 'ku pergi tinggalkan dunia, Agar aku dapat berjumpa denganmu “

Beberapa kalimat yang mungkin menggambarkan perasaanku malam ini. Di tengah euphoria tahun baru, pasangan baru, resolusi baru, aku masih tetap berada di jalan yang sama. Aku masih belum sadar dan tak percaya kalau kamu sidah gak ada. Padahal setiap tahunnya aku datang hanya untuk meyakinkan diriku bahwa kamu udah tenang, udah bahagia disana.

Sempat aku berpikir untuk ikut bersamamu, tapi tiap kali pikiran itu datang kamu selalu datang ke mimpi dan bilang jangan. Aku bingung rasa kosong malam ini dan malam-malam sebelumnya apakah karena aku merindukanmu ? ataukah efek dari depressive phase saja ?

Ntah sudah berapa tahun berlalu tapi perasaan kosong itu masih ada, dan masih mengganjal. Mencari pengganti katamu, mungkin mudah diucapkan, namun sulit kulakukan. Aku berusaha, ya aku berusaha sekuat tenaga. Semua yan gaku bisa untuk nyari pengganti kamu. Tapi yang aku dapat hanyalah semakin aku tidak percaya bahwa cinta itu ada. Kamu yang tau setiap doa yang kupanjatkan untuk siapa selain untu kedua orang tuaku.

Aku terus bertanya kepada tuhan kenapa mesti kamu yang pergi. Apakah aku salah mempertanyakan keputusan tuhan ? ketentuan tuhan ? takdir tuhan ? Setelah kamu aku terus bertemu orang yang salah dan berkata pada diri sendiri “apakah cinta selain dari ortu itu ada ?” Aku sampai pada titik bahwa aku lelah, aku ingin beristirahat. Mungkin sudah saatnya berhenti dan hanya melihat kebelakang, ke kamu tanpa aku tau caranya mencari pengganti yang kamu bilang.

Afgan - Ku Dengannya Kau Dengan Dia | Official Video Clip. Lagu Afgan lainnya: http://bit.ly/TOPYTsubs This video is produced by Trinity Optima Production La...

When you fall in love to your bestfriend lover and nothing you could do with it

Hobi yang sama dari generasi ke generasi so choose your #ColorsOfVespa and #ShowYourTrueColors . Have a nice weekend ahead @vespa_ind #VespaIndonesia

#vespaindonesia #colorsofvespa #showyourtruecolors

HIM

Life it’s not always good and happy, but it’s fair. When god take you away 3 years ago, I was think to ended up my life. But, god send someone to stop me and pull me up from the darkness. Maybe god think he wasn’t good enough for me, so god take him and again I fall into endless darkness. In the darkness I froze my heart, locked it and not let anyone come in. I try to revenge and yes I did to several people. I was think by revenge my broken heart will be heal, but I was wrong it wasn’t heal at all. It’s just give me another sin to do, hurt people that have true feelings and I’m just wasted it.

2 years ago, god make me met with someone who have the same name with you. But he is not as good as you are, as sweet as you, as smart as you, or as funny as you. He was just an army from the far country, really far country. A middle age army, loneliest man alive. Haunt by death all the time, sacrifice his own mind, feeling, and body for service his country. He told me how hurt his heart when hurt people that don’t know anything just because his commander say to hurt them, his country it’s the big cruel nation. It’s strong and big nation, superpower country. But behind of that big name, they have a long list of sin, they are the one who responsible for almost all war in this world, they are the reason of terrorist, and they responsible of million peoples die just because their own satisfaction. He told me all and say wanna out from it. I keep motivating him, as a friends. He resign and being a jobless, he told me he go back to his parents home. I keep talk to him and motivating him to rise again. He get a job, as a photographer. Not for long time just about a few months. Then he say he apply job as a cashier in the market. I’m there to encourage him, and now he become a chief at his work.

He never knows you, but I keep making him to be you. I know I'm selfish for my own satisfaction. But, is it wrong ? I just miss you. I miss the way you hold me, I miss the way you calm me down, I miss the feel when I'm in your arm, I miss your smell, I miss your presence, I miss you. He maybe with me now, but he can’t never can replace you. Yesterday, for a 41 times I get through that date. I maybe consider it as my lucky number but actually I just want to keep that number become memory. You know what ? I still remember the first time you hug me and wipe my tears, I don't know why it’s suddenly comes to my mind. I keep thinking, why should god make us met if god will take you away ? Maybe the only reason its “we are made for another life”. Forgive me for being selfish and hurt myself, but I know you always know that I will not stop loving you yesterday, now, tomorrow, and maybe forever.

#random #gloomy night

Another Halloween Celebration

#tumblrween

Another Happy Halloween

#tumblrween

Happy Halloween lol

#tumblrween

One More Chance

Cintaku tak bisa habis untuknya

Naif, tapi itukah cinta yang kurasa Tak sepadan dengan waktu yang selalu tepat

Tapi tahukah kamu di mana letak ironinya situasi ini, ketika menyadari cintaku ternyata berbanding terbalik dengan perjalanan waktu

Pintaku ini nyaris mustahil Tapi, jika memang bisa, sudikah kamu berhenti sejenak untuk mengabulkan inginku, agar bersamanya lebih lama lagi ? Karena bersama dia selamanya pun sebenarnya tidaklah cukup

I found another you, and I wanna fall in love again with you by this way and with no regrets

I’m so stupid that I was burn all our picture perfect babe, I wish I could turn that ashes back like it was, but if I could turn back time I wouldn’t do that. You know why ? Because if I could turn back the time I will turn it back to beside you. We’ll make much more picture perfect before it’s happen, before you leave me. Before that leukemia took you from me, took us from happiness, took you from the pain you feel all this time. I’m glad I’ve know you in that 2 years, for those amazing and surprising years. You and me are mean to meet but not have each other, not for together. But I’m still thankful that I’ve ever be with you, ever know you, ever beside you. Thanks for little infinity in that 2 years, wait me there babe and wait me with that bouquet of white rose that you like. I will go your grave with white lily that I like. Love you Daniel, was, now, and always.

This video it’s to raise awareness for leukemia, get much more picture perfect with them before it’s too late. Thanks guys

New Family at Puncak Bogor

Everybody have their own problem, everybody have their own war, everybody can choose the way they act and react, but one think I learn Judging are not help even to people you are admiring. You admire people for what they achieve not how they get it that achievement, how they struggle for their dream, and what dream that make them achieve that. Keep dreaming and try to get it because its your faith to live this world, because with keep that faith you will be inspire other by what you achieve with that faith

alumnus 2010 Telkom University, Industrial Engineering

Just found this on my library, some memory comes like movie in my head. Suddenly I feel gloom remember it. 2 Days ago, I go to see him with 2 stalks of white lily. I come to that place with the same feeling, same tears,and same memory. Its 2 years since you leave me with those memory, with your favorite flower and all I got just your shadow sitting next to me. All memory comes ask me to forget it, somehow I can’t. Sitting there for a while with those tears makes me know that I’m weak, I’m not that strong even its been 2 years. Those memory standstill in my head just like a movie. That bracelet you give, those late night skype, that songs you play, those crazy romantic dinner, and those dating. Its all standstill like movie, I hope I could turn back time and back to your arms. If that happen I wont do my mistake again, I will make it like you never leave me, like we never been hurt before. Because I love you, I do love you and I think word never can describe how much I love you and how much I miss you.

12 November 2015

Imaji

Pernahkah kita terlarut dalam suatu imaji masa depan yang belum diketahui dan masa lalu yang harus dilupakan ? Imaji-imaji yang harus didobrak dengan diri kita sendiri untuk mencapai kebebasan untuk diri kita sendiri. Mencintai dengan siap untuk jatuh di dalam jurang yang digali oleh diri sendiri dengan remah-remah kehancuran dirimu di dalamnya. Melihat dirimu sendiri hancur dan bersiap untuk mengakhiri ataukah memulai kembali. Kebahagiaan yang kadang memang egois, mencintai tanpa memikirkan resiko yang ada. Seperti kupu-kupu kecil yang terbang dengan sayap kecilnya, mengintari indahnya dunia dari langit. Kata mustahil itu yang menjadi batasan atas segala ketidakterbatasan. Imaji tidak pernah punya batas, begitu megah dan luas seperti alam semesta. Kehancuran akan menjadi awal untuk kehidupanmu yang awalnya membosankan, kehancuranmu menghancurkan batas kemustahilan dalam dirimu. Ada saatnya semua perasaan yang menghancurkanmu itu mengkristal dan menjadi titik awal untuk kehidupanmu selanjutnya. Namun ada saatnya kehancuranmulah yang membawamu lebih tersekat dalam lintas imaji dirimu sendiri, dalam jurang kehancuranmu dengan dirimu yang semakin hancur. Saat dirimu tak bisa bermetamorfosis dari kehancuranmu. Kamu akan semakin terjatuh dan terkubur oleh remah-remah kehancuranmu di dalam jurang yang kau gali sendiri. Kalian manusia-manusia malang yang terjatuh dan tenggelam dalam kehancuranmu sendiri, dalam jurangmu sendiri.

Mungkin aneh saya menulis seperti ini. Saya sadar betul ini aneh tetapi ada sesuatu yang mendorong saya untuk menulis ini. Walaupun saya dari satu tempat yang sama ditanggal yang sama setiap bulannya dengan semua memory yang sama dan air mata yang sama. Saya sadar saya sudah ada dibatas kehancuran saya, melihat diri saya jatuh dalam kenangan dan sekat imaji diri saya sendiri. Saya adalah manusia malang yang mencintai dengan egois. Saya melihat diri saya hancur dalam keegoisan diri saya sendiri. Saya mencintainya dengan keegoisan dan saya tau itu salah. Disaat seseorang datang berusaha untuk membuatku kembali seperti dahulu tapi diriku menolak dan memutuskan untuk tetap berada dalam jurang kehancuran diri saya sendiri. Tapi entah mengapa hari ini akan menjadi titik awal diriku untuk tidak berada di jurang kehancuran, bangkit dan bermetamorfosis. Bukan melupakannya tetapi menyimpanya dalam sudut hati yang paling dalam dan di dalam kenangan untuk selamanya. Memulai hidup baru dan menutup jurang yang sudah aku gali sendiri. Saya yakin kita semua bukan manusia-manusia malang yang tidak bisa keluar dari jurang itu. Adakah yang sependapat dengan saya ?

It's a damn cold night Trying to figure out this life Won't you take me by the hand? Take me somewhere new I don't know who you are But I... I'm with you I'm with you

I love him I do love him, this little devil, I don’t know what I see what I think and what I feel, in one way I really hate him but the other one say I really love him, I miss to talk with him, hear his laugh, I will do anything for make him back but that’s means I have to pay for being hurt again, He made me can’t stop think of him, He is the best mistake I’ve done, my sweet mistake.

I love him not because he is foreigner, or “bule”, no I love him for the way he is, sometimes I’m just want punch him, kick him, kill him, but all I can do just take my hand again and wipe my own tears that was fall because of him. I can’t, I just can’t, I know I’m stupid.

I know I’m stupid as hell, He hurt me but I’m still love him, He tells lie and I’m still believe him even I know that all, I know I’m not the only one when I’m with him, I know there are someone more special than me in the way you call my name, but what can I do ? Heart doesn’t think like mind.

I think, I think when it's all over it just comes back in flashes, you know? It's like a kaleidoscope of memories which all comes back...but he never does. I think a part of me knew the second i saw him that this would happen....it's not really anything he said or anything he did.

It was the feeling that came along with it, and crazy thing I don't know if I'm ever going to feel that way again, but I dunno if i should. I knew his world moved to fast and burned to bright... but I just thought how could the devil be pulling you toward someone who looks..... so much like an angel when he smiles at you?

Maybe he knew that when he saw me....I guess I just lost my balance I think the worst part of it all wasn't losing him...it was losing me.

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