I had a lightbulb moment last night while reading Sharee Samuel’s new book called A Funeral For My Fat: My Journey Of Laying 100 Pounds To Rest.
In her amazing book she likens the weight loss journey to climbing a mountain. I can relate. She said it can be all too tempting to do 1 of 2 things; camp out halfway up the mountain (which usually leads to sliding back down), or we try to sprint up the mountain by any means necessary. This is where I started to feel very convicted about what I had been doing.
I have heard this before, but I guess I never really listened and took it to heart. “Whatever you do to lose the weight must be something you are willing to do to maintain your goal weight.” Deep down inside I know this to be true. So what’s the problem? I am stubborn. I want to be at the top of the mountain YESTERDAY!!! I want to do it MY way!!! Much like a spoiled child I will throw a fit if things aren’t done the way I want. I want to be an “after” NOW dammit! I want to wow my family and friends now!! Me me me now now NOW!! See, just like a child. What is wrong with my heart? Am I really still that shallow 20 year old inside?
When Sharee used the analogy of running up a hill to get there faster it made me remember something from my old thin glory days. I was big into hill running. I mean REAL big! I would find intense gratification and pride in finding the steepest hills in our little town and SPRINTING up them! Sometimes it would take 20 minutes just to get to the top! Now, why on earth would I do this? Back then I would have said “It’s a great endurance run and really works the quads!”. But here’s a reality check…. Would I still have done it if no one was watching?? Hmm… If there were no cars passing by, no stares, no honking horns, no “slowpoke walkers” to strut my awesomeness past, would I still have done the hills? No. I probably wouldn’t have.
I could easily justify this by saying “it’s good motivation!” but no, that wasn’t it. It was deeper and more vain then that. I wanted to show off. I wanted to rub it in people’s faces. It was pure childish pride. I know, I disgust myself. Even better, I always had to squeeze it into conversations back at work, “Ya, this weekend when I was doing my hill sprints…” or “While I was training for my (ahem)MARATHON (ahem!) yesterday….”.
But that was the old me right?? I don’t sprint up any hills to impress people anymore, ha ha…. The reality is I do one better: I try to sprint up a Mountain!! Mt. Weightloss! And I make sure everyone can see! Thank God for Tumblr and this blog because what if no one could see my greatness?! Actually, my journey is kept hidden on Facebook. So I guess Im not as vain as I used to be. But I digress.
So what if no one could see my greatness?! What if no one knew that I had lost so much weight since November? Or worse yet, no one cared?! Gasp!! Would I still be trying to sprint up this Mountain? Probably not. I would probably have been taking my time developing healthy habits that would stick.
I know running up Mt. Weightloss and local hills might make me look like a superhero badass mommy, but if you think about it, well when I really think about it, its actually just laziness. Laziness to slow down and roll up my sleeves for the long haul. It looks impressive to sprint, and it looks like hard work, and in that moment it is, but it’s not teaching me anything about endurance. Just like eating 1 meal a day or water fasting for weeks isn’t teaching me about choosing healthy meals or learning how to cook healthy. It’s an easy copout to only eat once a day; to only exercise self control and making wise food choices once a day. Fasting is incredibly easy, and was MY way of sprinting up the mountain.
But now Im learning about what’s at the top of Mt. Weightloss, the journey doesn’t just stop there. Next is The Valley of Maintenance. And all the lessons Im learning- SUPPOSED to be learning are to prepare me for a permanent residence there. This journey- this long arduous trek up the steep mountain is suppose to be hard in a way, it’s supposed to REFINE me, BUILD my character. A sprint would not accomplish this. Only a mountain marathon would. Maybe that’s why when people sprint up the mountain and reach the promised land of Maintenance, they crash and burn; they weren’t properly refined.
Well, I am ready for the challenge. I can see God’s hand in the process. He doesn’t want me to just wake up skinny. He wants me to use this journey properly. I don’t want to waste this opportunity. I just seriously thank Him that I didn’t slide down the mountain again before I really discovered this truth.
I am so thankful to have friends to help me and give me tough love. Its wonderful to talk to my friends who are already at the Valley of Maintenance.
I know life won’t be perfect when I get there. I will still get stressed from the kids and life in general (I stress myself out! It’s not them, it’s me!). But I will be stronger and better able to deal with what life throws my way. I don’t want to be the 20 year old version of me, she is gone. I want to be the me God designed me to be. Fit, strong in body and faith, a loving wife and mother, a better friend, and a humbled person.
A sprint could never accomplish that. That is only accomplished by going through the fire, by putting in the work no matter how long it takes.
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