i felt like there's just too many things that go unsaid, and there were plenty
with you. you'll never read this, but atleast I've written it
down now and that makes me feel a little better. i still have the wrapper of the first
chocolate you bought me. i still remember you calling out my name when
you gave it to me. i remember laughing at the littlest of coincidences, like
how your birthday was exactly a month and a day before mine and
i remember how weirdly terrifying it was when you swore at me, and
how barely a month ago you said I'd started swearing a lot more than
i used to. i remember a lot of things, actually. it doesn't mean anything, obviously, but
I guess I just want to know- do you miss me too? I don't mean miss in the
way you miss a pet that got accidentally run over, or somebody six feet under, rather
the way you miss how you could erase your mistakes until you started using pens
in sixth grade or how your old bed used to feel or how it felt when you didn't need
glasses to see. the way waves come and go and some are bigger
than the others, and they bring things with them, things like shells and sand and
little pieces of coral that stay there long after the wave is gone. when i ask you if
you miss me, i mean to ask you if you still have the shells I left behind. if you still
feel the sand stuck between your toes, if you stop to look at the little pieces of
coral that my wave bought. if you think of me from time to time, or maybe
I'm the only one stuck with memories from every little thing we
saw or did together and inside jokes that we used to laugh at with
a passion. i know for a fact that you still hear people around you talk about
me, and maybe sometimes to you too. so I just want to know
what's the first thing that goes through your mind when you hear my name?
