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Natural Selection

Tenant: “Hello, I’ve locked myself in the back yard of the house, the gate I went through latched behind me and the latch is installed on the outside of the gate. There is no string to pull to unlatch the gate from the other side.” ...1 hour later, the rep shows up to open the gate, the tenant was right, there was no string to pull, just a metal wire attached to the hook that tenant could have pulled to open the gate.

today’s work request brought to you by the least verbose tenant that ever lived.

#keepitshort

Tenant email - “My wall is covered in black mold.”

#moldy bread #terribletenantsoftumblr

Studio apartment available, cats and garbage not included.

#terribletenantsoftumblr nasty

It turns out that the saddest sound in all the kingdom is that of a tenant who is disappointed that his second toilet that isn't flushing will not be repaired at the end of the day on the day and at the moment he calls. For real he hung up on me. #winning.

“Our Dishwasher isn’t working.” A novel.

Painter: “I’ve covered the dents in that bedroom door for you so you don’t have to replace it.”

#toomuchhgtv #isitonstraight #talesinpropertymanagement

Lady and the TRAMPoline

Neighbor: "Your tenant in the condo above us has been having loud sex between 6:30 and 7:00 am every day for the last 3 weeks and we have been really getting tired of it. It's disturbing our sleep."

Me: "Hey tenant, a neighbor has been complaining about your adult extra-curricular activities every 15 minutes between 6:30 and 7 every morning for the last three weeks."

Tenant (Long pause): "Oh my god, you know what it is?" Me: (to myself) "no and I don't wanna know"

Tenant: "I bought a trampoline and I've been working out doing 15 minute routines for the past 3 weeks on it" "...I wish I was having that much noisy sex!!!!"

#justbeinneighborly upstairsdownstairs

Bat a rific

Tenant email:

Good morning ECSO,

Apologies if I’m not sending this to the correct person. I submitted an urgent maintenance request. I thought it was a bird the other night, and then it came out again at about 2:30am this morning. I woke xxx up and we both tried to shoo it out, but were unsuccessful. Needless to say I have it shut up in my bedroom. It might have gone back into the attic because its light outside. We realized it was a bat when we went back in the bedroom and saw it hanging upside down on my curtain. It then made some strange sounds, then launched and swooped down on us. We ran.... lol

Hi xxxx, Thank you for your email – first of all the picture in my mind of you and xxx running made me giggle, just what I needed!....

Hi ECSO,

Thanks for the quick response!

Omg, it was priceless.... For our weapons, xxx had a hat and I had a broom. At one point, the bat swooped toward us and I backed out of the room and shut the door leaving xxx in there to fend for himself. All I could hear was “ whoa, sh*t, dang”, and then finally, “open the door!!!” I’m a floor warden at work so in the case of an emergency or disaster, I’m supposed to make sure people get off our floor safely and I’m supposed to be the last one out.. I might need to resign or just tell everyone that if they see me running, they’d better be right behind me.....

#middleofthenight tenantemails

Maintenance request: “My toilet is clogged, I’ve tried plunging it, it won’t unclog.”

#toiletsarenotrubbishbins

1308′s inability to use recycling correctly is why the world is burning around us.

#wotw

Cheetos and gas machines

I used to post this stuff on my facebook feed but I’m trying to move away from FB - I’ll be bringing old posts over here just to separate my work life from my personal life a little further. This weeks’ winner of whiners is this email chain. Names have been removed to protect everyone: New Maintenance Request Received:

Would you please review with the tenant in 1308 the proper way to dispose of recycling (i.e. break down the box and place IN the recycling bin) and what can and cannot be recycled (ie a broken vacuum CANNOT be)?This has been in the recycling area for weeks! I single out this tenant since her address is on the box.

Email to 1308: Hi 1308, We’ve received the below and attached complaint about recycling at your property – do you have any feedback on this? Thanks. Email from 1308: Hi ChopShopObserver! I hadn't actually been back to the recycling area since I dropped it off there a few weeks ago and I only realized yesterday it hadn't been picked up when I was doing laundry and recycling again. Upon seeing the note taped to it that said I was the reason the world is in crisis, I disposed of it properly. I just assumed it would be taken with the trash and it wasn't, I've never thrown away a vacuum before. It looks like someone dismantled it as well. I definitely apologize that it was there longer than necessary and my apologies for upsetting someone in the complex, althoughhhh not sure I 100% agree with her that I am the root of the ecological crisis. Although my love of cheetos and gas powered vehicles probably isn't helping. Anyways, moral of the story, I cleaned up yesterday and will continue to recycle responsibly from here on out. Sorry for the inconvenience CSO! 1308

#WOTW tenantsarethetruewinnersinlife

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