The End
My blog of edgingtanja is coming to an end. At least temporarily, but maybe permanently.
I’ve experienced many amazing things here and met amazing people. I come from a place of severe self doubt, depression, anxiety, and other mental baggage. In LGBTQIA+ I identified as the „A“, asexual. But I was shown I have a sexuality in me which is worth living. I think edgingtanja has experienced on Tumblr what can be experienced here. It is now time to go home and go back into the real world, put the phones down. And it’s time to say Good-Bye.
I’ve learned you can pause secondary blogs or set them to private/invisible. This is not possible with main blogs, and this is my main and only one. So that is not an option.
I’m close to 1800 followers and I know some came to like me. My content reaches 5 years back. I’m not decided yet if I should delete it all and move on with my life. That decision will come with time. I don’t want to rush it now, as I’m not in a stable place right now.
Maybe I’ll keep it online, but without new content. Just to have my stream of updates to see what YOU are doing. Since I came to like some of you 1800… I would miss that. You can write to me, while the blog is still here. Don’t expect an answer, but you can always hope for one. Do not ask me why the sudden change. This I won’t answer, just as much as this, you don’t know how panic attacks and anxiety work.
I’m not planning to continue to write or journal here. If you are new, start at the past, the oldest post and work your way to the present day, otherwise my mess will not make any sense.
My old „pinned post“ or „about me“ will remain below, in a shortened form. For now. Maybe I should just move on and close the account already. Maybe I wait. Maybe I will be back sometime in the future. My blog was silent for months or even a year before as well. It’s a decision I’m not going to rush.
I got the email that my data is ready for download.
So this blog was about healing traumata. I wrote in my 2018 post my goal was to overcome sexual disinterest and disfunction and try to heal my mental and anxiety issues.
So did it work? Was it worth it?
It’s a partial success at best, but it is a success. I would not want to miss the journey I had experienced in the last 5 years. There have been major downs. The death of my father, a pandemic, the death of my boss, anxiety for job loss, financial insecurity, anxiety for my elderly mother of whom I’m the caretaker. Anxiety for x and anxiety for y. And now I end my blog here because of anxiety issues. Because I cry too much. I accept that this, I could not heal.
I still say it is a success because a very dear friend of mine showed me I’m not as sexually dysfunctional as I believed. My self worth is not below zero anymore. I’m not the frigid stick figure. I can get wet, on my own, with no lube. It’s on my ex when I can’t orgasm with him, not me being broken. I can scream when edging. I’m not dead inside. Thank you, thank you so much.
Any yet, it’s time to go, take a step back, and … I don’t know yet. But here, I can not continue as before. I need to stop soon, as I feel the tears are coming again.
My loves goes out, in no particular order (I’m not in the capacity to sort you now in any meaningful way!) to
@gooncaps69 @dommeana @deniedpet @alwaysopposites @duca-etereo @curiousonick76 @kokos201 @omgjustaperv @z--z--z-z @lynngoons and many I forgot here. Forgive me.
Stepping back from the internet and back to my normal life.
Update: would I have installed the tumbler app if I’d known it would make me cry and weep? Yes, anytime every time. I feel more alive than before.
Update2: I lied about my age. It was sitting the first years at 39. Then 41. The real me is 50, im scared of aging, I’m sorry if this disillusioned you, or if you think I should be more stable or grown up by now. The sun is coming back up, I’ll wipe my eyes and have a coffee outside in the warm rays.
I love you all, Tanja
The old, shortened „about me“ post, copy pasted.
So hi, I’m Tanja, or edgingtanja here. 41, fem, public servant, from Western Europe. I made a pinned post here to let you know the import stuff. This is a blog about coming out of asexuality, self-doubt, anxiety and mental health. LGBTQIA* friendly, I identify as the "A" in that!
This blog contains erotica (in text only) and descriptions of my journey into LGBTQIA*, discovering maybe B and maybe L? Trying to overcome sexual disinterest and disfunction and try to heal my mental and anxiety issues by communicating with like-minded and open-minded people on tumblr.
Of course, I’m into orgasm denial, edge games and related stuff. I’ve issues, low self-esteem since I’m a “stick”, tall and thin, a “flattie”, an “ironing board”, my breasts are tiny. As teenager I was always deeply humiliated about it. I still feel deeply sexually inadequate because of my body shape. Discovering bisexuality may be in my future. I’m submissive I guess, but I try my hardest to dominate the crap out of everyone to show weakness. I’ve been suffering in depression. For the sexual part of my depression and anxiety I use tumblr as a safe space to try to heal myself by embracing and exploring my humiliation in a playful way.





















