Unexpected Expectations
I am now preparing for anything. I find myself pushed to blogging because I am expecting, struggling with the covid situation and staying with my parents.
I fled Mumbai/Bombay recently in light of the spiraling out of control Covid situation. I am now stationed in Calcutta/Kolkata at my parents home coping with the fall out. I am sad, miserable and depressed and feel suffocated. It's one thing dealing with a pandemic but another dealing with a pandemic while pregnant. Isnt it much tougher? I feel locked in and boxed in.
And of course staying with parents is never easy, let alone under such circumstances! My husband is away. He left when I was in the 7th week to focus on his much delayed start up. With the global lockdown in 2020, he was unable to get into gear and get his start up started. In the beginning of 2021, with covid seemingly under some control, a pregnant wife, he determined that he had to get his start up up and running.
So once he left for EU in mid February, there I was in Bombay coping with the sickness of the first trimester and with my parents in the house. My parents and I have not gotten along too well after my marriage. Being an only child and having married on my own have resulted in some insecurities and pettiness surfacing from my mother. Further, the fact that I am the breadwinner of my family while my husband figures out his business idea was too much for my mother to bear. There are always outbursts from her on and off where she laments everything from me, to my husband, to her husband, to her life!
Anyway, right now I find myself with my parents and feeling sad and miserable. I would think covid has made it harder to deal with pregnancy both from a physical and mental stimulation perspective. Where does one go? What does one do? All my school friends are no longer in Calcutta. I feel that managing the emotional and mental aspects of pregnancy become quite challenging in the middle of covid. Unlike in the US and Europe, there is no support group or chat group for pregnant women. The whole situation and experience feels terribly isolating. While all articles on pregnancy seems to affirm much of what I feel, how I react to my parents - there does not seem much validation in the real world. How does one manage to get out of it? Or is it down a rabbit hole?