God’s Cop

my vanity project

[egomoneyac]

4/7/2025 – 16:49 – CW: 59 kg – SW: 80 kg – GW: 53-55kg

Time of the season

A bit more than a year since I last posted. I did the most unthinkable thing – I fell in love. It's awfully yet reassuringly demotivating to attempt to fly to the sun when you have someone telling you how enough and perfect you are, as you are, on a day-to-day. As such, I put my weightloss on a slight pause. Don't get me wrong, I am fine now, I am skinny, my clothing size has gone from L to XS/XXS, I am at the ultimate point of "uncomfortable comfort". I can already already see the finish line, I'm standing on the ledge. The proper leaning-out happens in the last 2-4 kg, where every 0.5 kg is a milestone. Weber's law of relative change; we don't feel change in terms of absolutes, we feel them in proportion to what is already there.

I don't think this necessarily means I live for others' validation or pursue things out of insecurity, I'm just used to operating from a place of never feeling complete, always wanting to see how far I can take something before reaching a breaking point. Egomoneyac. Love is fleetingly fragile and precious, but it is calm. Perhaps I am afraid of conditional love and tipping the scales. But I have to trust the process, trust the path. Was ment to be, its gonna be.

I've gotten a bit too comfortable but that ends now. PARADISE NOW!

[egomoneyac]

11/3/24 — 15:35 — SW: 82 — CW: 67.5 — GW: 55-60

The Final Act

Officially the last, final period of my bachelor’s degree. The last 2.5 months before my goal weight ’deadline’. Everything is closing in. It’s like the last two minutes of a hockey game.

I have started to notice muscles in my arms and legs that I haven’t felt before. The leaner I get the sexier I feel. The leaner I get the more I feel like the real me. I look at older photos of myself, heavier, and don’t even recognize who I’m looking at. Fat feels foreign to me. Yet it’s always been present.

My self-confidence is inversely proportional to my fat percentage. The lower this, the higher that, vice versa.

I’ve decided to embrace the vain, embrace the embarrassing. I miss the beginner’s delusion—the deluded, ridiculously inflated self-confidence, all built on a foundation of a narrow world view.. My self-esteem hasn’t had a similar upsurge since. Subjective reality is more fun.

[egomoneyac]

In fact, I’m not scared of getting old. I’m not scared of wrinkles, the fine lines. Aging is quite graceful and beautiful when accompanied by a decent level of self-care and SPF. I’m afraid of getting fat. Afraid of muscle depreciation. I’m afraid of a high body-fat percentage and abdominal obesity. Of losing my diligently attained self-discipline. That is the real inferno.

[egomoneyac]

12/01/2024 - 20:24 - weight: 70 kg - starting weight: 80 kg - goal weight: 55-60?

No End In Sight

New year, same me. But more "realized". I hate empty promises and cheap-talk. Twitter never fails to give me a brain aneurysm… It's time to stop. Cause-and-effect: Twitter and elevated cortisol levels.

Holiday gluttony doesn't count. I felt a bit defeated when getting on the scale after the holidays. Soft, pudgy, deflated muscles. How dehumanizing! Skinnyfat is God’s revenge against human sin. Not the most ideal starting point for a new year, but this was expected. It's time to reorganize and get back into the groove.

New goal: 65-67 by March 2nd. I'll be in Italy then, smoking a victorial cigarette. God I love cigarettes.

NEW YEAR, GO LIKE HELL

[egomoneyac]

2014 Bakhar Nabieva was physical perfection

[egomoneyac]

16/11/2023 - 20:00 - weight: 72.1 kg - starting weight: 80 kg

It's a case of do or die

Just secured tickets to Judas Priest for next summer. Beyond stoked.. I had the entire Screaming for Vengeance album on a loop when I got serious with my running 6 months ago. "You've got another thing coming" is my fightsong. Timing-wise, things align perfectly. I should be at my goal weight around the time of the concert. The circle will be closed.

Tweaked my gym routine up a bit. From the typical PPL that I've been doing for the last 4 years, to full-body. Emphasis now more on intensity, while maintaining the volume. Core strength is still suboptimal, but it'll come.

One argument I hate: "Can they dress well or are they just skinny?"...

Almost as if having a nice lean/skinny body isn't the absolute prerequisite for looking good in most clothing. I can certainly distinguish if a person can dress well or not, irrespective of their bodyweight. BUT when it comes to how clothes fit and elegantly drape, regardless of the attire, being lean is always the answer. Yea yea, silhuette this, silhuette that. But it's all about the synergy. World of fashion will continue to thrive on absolute vanity. And I like it that way. Sixpack or you're fired. Take this with a bucket of salt..

Increase in diversity is important, when it comes to perception of beauty. Someone else's beast is someone else's Madonna, after all. I always liked the weird ones anyways. The true kaleidoscope of beauty is seen in the vast spectrum of the face. Genuine self-love is a balance too. Embrace the good and the less mass-appealing features of your face, while actively working on the domain where you have more control: your physique. Avoid overindulgence, live discliplined. Find your freedom flying high.

[egomoneyac]

26/10/2023 - 22:51 - weight: 73.4 kg

The saga continues

My goal before Milan was 73 kg, and I got down to 73.4. The ball is rolling, it’s happening. My new checkpoint is 69 right before new years. Just to get below that 70 mark...

I started off with saying, “No I won’t care about the number on the scale”, but now I’m doing damn near advanced calculus to figure out my upcoming progress. Weight loss is painfully logarithmic, specifically when striving to be lean. Starts off with stupidly rapid progress, then it decelerates. Lol.

Although the number on the scale doesn’t really say anything, it does have this notion, or this reminder, that things are moving. Which is then further proof that things are happening, you are doing things correctly.

By solely relying on my reflection, and other things, it sometimes truly feels like I’ve plateaued or become stagnant. It fucks it all up, because the only thing that is important, is to just keep going. Put your head down and keep going. Ignore the bullshit head voice. Keep going.

[egomoneyac]

26/9/2023 - 17:04 - weight: 76.5 kg

Pause, Hold The Applause

Got hit by the annual fall flu—minor setback, but possibly a necessary one. It’s life in it’s essence when you have to put everything on hold at the peak of your motivation and drive. But when the fire’s at the door... Just one week of regaining my strength, so I can set the world on fire.

Nevertheless, I’ve been making noticeable progress prior to me catching this cold. 3-4 kilograms lost in approx 4-5 weeks, albeit mostly waterweight. But the ball is still rolling. I try not to get lost in numbers too much; it’s arbitrary compared to what I see in the mirror.

One absolutely crucial lifestyle change I’ve made in the last two weeks, that I’ve struggled with for years, is my sleep schedule. Since middle school, I’ve played around with my need for sleep, as if it held no real importance. Lord knows the accumulated damage that mentality has caused over the years. But no more carnivals; no games. High performance absolutely requires equal amounts of high recovery, high rest. My final uni year is so insanely demanding and taxing, physically and mentally, especially as I try to make my way to Physique City. I now understand the rules of the game. The key now is to maintain and elevate this rediscovered disclipline.

1 month til I catch a plane to fuck-offity-land, so I can drink and smoke like there’s no tomorrow. Can I make it to 73?

[egomoneyac]

Coi Leray’s body is definitely close to perfection.

Her level of leanness and the fact that she hasn’t gotten her tits done. BUENO! Her with just a tad bit more muscle would knock it out the ballpark.

[egomoneyac]

that body! her cuntness

Tatiana Thumbtzen in MJ’s iconic music video, ”The Way You Make Me Feel”.

Her broad, finely sculpted shoulders paired with that snatched waist create a mesmerizing recipe for undeniable allure. And the fact that she’s my height makes it even better! I’ll get there eventually.

[egomoneyac]

Shit is phenomenal

[egomoneyac]

16/8/2023 - 2:22

Current bodycheck. Weight 80 kg. Waist ~74 cm.

The Awakening

I’ve come to the conclusion that this look isn’t working for me anymore. Arms too flabby, back too big, legs too cellulitey, gut too big. The truth of the matter is, the clothes I want to wear look better on lean and skinny people. I don’t feel like myself when I wear the clothes I love. I look like a pot-bellied, clumsy, gluttonous dyke.

Instead I want to be a slightly muscular, skinny sexy dyke with sexy clothes. And sexy abs. We all have a capacity for love and acceptance but we all don’t have sex appeal. At least yet.

I hate half-assery. I don’t see the point in doing the things I do if I’m not leanskinny. As I feel like I’m meant to be. My tits-to-arms-to-stomach ratio is too fucked up for me to be able to pull this weight off with confidence. No matter how small or big I am, my tits are small nonetheless. I love my little A-cups, but as a woman of my height, you simply start looking like an ogre with any excess weight, if you have infinitely itty bitties. Thus, the cosmic alignment seemed to decree my path towards a leaner physique.

I’ve lost 20 kg in the past and lord I loved it. But I only did cardio, so I wasn’t lean… -I was purely skin and bone. Flabby. Skinnyfat. Gained the weight back cause I got obsessed with building Chun-Li thighs at the gym.

Doing it right this time. Do more squats Do more cardio! Choose your vice but don’t over-restrict.

I’m giving myself until Summer 2024 to be where I want to be. Giving myself 20 weeks to be in the 70-75 kg range. Not putting much emphasis on the number on the scale though. Fuck that. I’m starting with the cunt in the mirror.

Total Power and Total Control. 10 months of madness.