eh

just another sleep-deprived student with her inconsistent musings. i like eating, reading, sleeping, and wathcing science documentaries.

[elainerrs]

i’ve been in this weird mood where i’m glad i’m not working right now and certain aspects of my mental health has improved, but at the same time i feel like i’m spiraling towards a different path because i feel so useless and lost and working was good at making me not thinking about my future plans. 

[elainerrs]

honestly i get so excited when i meet people who also talk during movies/tv shows because i’m that type of person who will make comments throughout the movie and point out plot-holes and my housemates are the same way 

we’ve been binge-watching marvel movies this whole weekend and we’ve just been pointing out ridiculous shots and plot-holes (don’t get me wrong we all love marvel) and i’m loving it 

we decorated our living room for Christmas and i got most of the decorations from the dollar store and i’m very proud of myself 

bought 1 dollar lights from costco (they are feit lights but they still work and let’s not forget the fact that they are A DOLLAR) 

[elainerrs]

wow who knew that antidepressants could be like addy just without the anxiety lmao 

[prsephonies-deactivated20200815]

how do people have consistent fun at parties . like don’t they get hit with periodic waves of debilitating melancholy and subsequently need to sit outside and think abt how they’re going 2 die alone . or is that just me and the guy from the National

[elainerrs]

random thoughts

sometimes i think i rant too much on social media but i just spent the last hour looking through my hs posts and it’s so entertaining reading what i wrote back then

been in a kind of weird rut lately because i feel like i’m not pushing myself hard enough and i’ve been feeling too comfortable

i’ve been feeling so unfulfilled because i feel like i haven’t been pushing myself to the person i can be  

i want a challenge but i also want to enjoy what i’m doing 

i’ve been putting off so many things but i really do have to learn how to deal with certain shit 

note to self- cut ties with people who clearly don’t give a shit about you. stop being a pushover. 

[meowtxx]

2019.09.11 Full spread pic for September. Have a lovely day!

IG: meowtxx

[elainerrs]

part of “growing-up” is just realizing that just because you’re older doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re more mature and that people can still be immature as fuck in their early/mid-20s 

[elainerrs]

lol i stumbled upon all my old blogs and it’s so entertaining to read my old posts and wow, so much has changed but also so little has changed. 

i used to be so cryptic in my posts when i was talking about certain people because i was scared that they might find it or if people who knew them would find it, and it’s funny now because i’m literally so open about a lot of my stuff because honestly, who gives a fuck? i also romanticized things SO much (especially when it came to interactions with boys L O L ) 

i used to care so  much about what other people thought and was such a try hard. 

[ryannotations-deactivated201908]

↳ 19.02.22 friday

a yummy breakfast and two full sleep cycles last night mean i am ready to smash midterm today!!

[elainerrs]

me!!!

been working on myself the past few weeks and it’s so satisfying to see myself get stronger. 

i used to be pretty good with maintaining a somewhat good diet and hitting the gym, but the past year has been rough and i’ve definitely slipped. 

i’ve been trying to get back into eating better (aka not eating out that much and not surviving off of trader joe’s frozen chicken tikka masala which is the frickin best btw), drinking more water, sleeping better, and hitting the gym. 

i can feel myself getting stronger and regaining muscle mass, and i can fit into my shorts that i was wearing last summer. 

i’ve been feeling more clear-headed lately and it’s a nice change. 

granted, there are some things that i still have to deal with, but i’m feeling a lot better than i was a few months ago. 

[elainerrs]

i have to stop being a people pleaser

[sunflorally]

so you dated the wrong person and learned a hard lesson. you chose the wrong major and had to start over again. you cherished a friend who backstabbed you. it sucks, but it’s also going to work out. that’s life; you learn, hurt, love, cry, laugh, and keep going. you experience setbacks and you grow and it’s all okay.

[luseuna]

This is what love looks like.

[flowerais-deactivated20211031]

gentle reminders in case you need it:

it’s ok to start “late”

drink water if you haven’t for hours

it’s ok if u need more time than other people

it’s ok to feel what you’re feeling

you have a cute smile

you make people happy

you have plenty of good traits

you are loved

you deserve all the good things

it’s ok if you relapse, it doesn’t make u weak

bad days are just temporary

tomorrow is a new day

you can heal again

I’m proud of you

[elainerrs]

dua lipa is such a mood when you’re having a shitty night

[elainerrs]

Do I miss you or do I miss the idea of you 

[elainerrs]

i was initially upset at first that i didn’t have plans at all this break but honestly it’s been so nice not having to do anything 

it’s been so nice being able to decompress and not having to talk to people. i didn’t realize how exhausted i was (from socializing) until this break. i’m such an introvert.