I met you two weeks ago, and it felt like I had always known you. And yes, this is some sappy shit Iām about to write quite unlike myself, but you know what maybe this is really just to me and that's important too. So here it goes.
And on that note, I told you that i didn't like to text people I didn't know that well but with you it was like, the banter was there, the serious shit was there, the support, the enthusiasm, the heartache, the vulnerability, the dumb acronyms, just like, after one night semi being there hanging out I was overwhelmed.
I mean, usually when I try to date people nothing happens or I get excited for pretty much nothing and soon after I told myself that I couldn't let myself get feelings about this or whatever mostly because it didn't matter.
And there were you telling me all about Tara and I barely knew you but I could feel what you were feeling. your heartstrings had been pulled and tied and messed with. And it took me little time to realize that. but it took me even less time to tell you.
And no, this note is not poised with grace in writing or with beautifully constructed sentences because since I met you my mind has raced a million miles a second but I'm also so calm about you like I have questioned everything and nothing.
I look at us and we are both battered and bruised and think no one will love us. Because goddamn we tried too many times and fuck it all what's the point. The night I met you I was in mourning for a ārelationshipā I had already known for a while was dead.
Jordan, I am still so unsure what to think of you because I usually quickly trust my gut and take any and all information to assess if it's worth doing anything. But with you, there's no information to try and find because, like wow, I can just straight up ask you. No guesswork. That's kind of cool.
I'm just concerned that you are really social with a lot of people and messaging me or snapping me isn't a big deal. It doesn't faze you to throw my name in the list. Iām just another person in your big circle of friends.
And if that's the case, but no matter what you are feeling, I need to know at some point. Because, boy, I know Iām going to fall for you. And this is never going to be anything I'd rather know ahead of time, so I don't keep thinking about it. And I don't get my hopes up only to have them crushed again. My heart has limited capacity and it's been wrecked too many times just to assume that you like me back. And if you don't then that's ok!!!! I thought I could just cut my heart off, but I don't think that's doable anymore. Like little time has passed and I may already be past that point.
I just know if I say nothing and wait to see what happens and you never kiss me out of nowhere, invite me over for no reason, insert something else idk what [boyfriends] really do, but I can't imagine being less than acquaintances with you. And thereās definitely no me being only friends with you. Feelings are hard for me and I can't do that.
Are you screaming? I am. Good thing you'll never read this.
But goddamn if you are going to let me read your predictions, I'll write my own letter to you. It's also for my future self when all this goes to shit and i'm crying on my bed over a failed nothing and I'm just sad.
Because right now Iām happy. Hard to know how long this will last. But life is unpredictable so I'm gonna roll with the punches and hope for the best. Maybe expect the worst. But I don't want to with you. Is that too much to ask?
Can't wait to hear the 13 million thoughts running through your mind. You amuse me. And if you don't want to talk to me anymore, I am excited for the one who ends up with you. Bet she is really cool. You deserve it.
kianamaiart
ellievsbear
turnnoffyourmind
blakekathryn
yousharknotpass
pixelskylines
theartofmadeline
