“People say that déjà vu doesn’t exist or is not real; how can we explain the visions, the dreams and the nightmares of the past?”
The raven haired one sat in the living of her friend as happiness and excitement echoed off of the walls at the talk of pregnancies and children. Twenty-something but alone without any chance at this time of marriage or even children, she tried to block out the happiness but stay within the conversations but it was hard for Elise as images flash into her thoughts and mind.
A headache began before she closed her eyes to block out the light for just a moment. Coming to her feet, she excused herself as her friend allowed her to rest in one of the rooms upstairs. Soft footfalls finding the stairs as they travelled upstairs to where she could be alone, visions of another time, another place begin to invade her mind. Memories, were they? She didn’t know as she finally made her way to the large bedroom she had been occupying since her visit began.
The weight of the mattress of the large bed shifted as the slight frame of hers found its way to the middle as if the room on either side of her was protection or a moat of a castle now allowing enemies to gain access to her.
The blue hues now hidden by the eyelids as darkness now settled into her mind lying there trying to find calm…a peace over her as she waited for sleep to consume her. Maybe sleep wasn’t what she was looking for but a peaceful place within dimensions. The outside world gone from her thoughts and the sounds muffled and quieted except to feel the rhythm of her own breathing. In and out the breath entered and left the slight frame of the raven-haired one.
With every breath that escaped her lungs, her body fell deeper into darkness of the caverns of time, feeling her body heavy as she lies there on the softness. The sound of the ticking clock echoed into her mind but was it the clock or was it something else? Was it the beat of her heart or the sounds within the darkest abyss of her mind? She did not know but whatever it was, she travelled further and further. Was she Alice chasing the rabbit down the hole? Time would tell but it wouldn’t be a long wait.
The bricks were what were left over of the ancient Romans as her soft footfalls fells onto the red bricks as she walked through the paths of Romania. It was winter and the mountain air was cold as a storm groaned over the mountains. Snow blew around her pale skinned face as she tried to stay covered. She often walked amongst the people of the village as she knew many of them growing up with so many of them as her family were humble merchants and not a part of the royal family but it did not stop her from socializing with who she once knew.
She was not of the humbled families any longer as she had married into the royalty of Romania not but a year before. Her husband, Santino, was to be King but even he did not look upon the title as something he wished for as she did not wish for the title of Queen. The two wished to be man and wife, normal as they could be enjoying their lives and their togetherness. From the time their marriage had been arranged something that she could not believe still as his father had picked her out saying she was like a rose hidden under the snow waiting for the spring to bring her colors to life.
From the moment the two were married, they did not act as Prince and Princess but as two people falling in love with the other. And as quickly as the love their shared grew, she realized that a new life grew within her as well. And when she had told him, he began to spoil her more so than before. Gifts of gold, jewels and so much more as his excitement overwhelmed him at times as he also knew it was to be a girl. Soft laughter fell from her lips the day he told her that it was to be a strong but beautiful girl that she carried. The name they had decided upon was Elizabetha and as the months began to pass, her stomach began to grow. The attentive nature of parents, husband and all alike was too much at times but she was still allowed to travel outside of the castle even though enemies were vast which she was never to be left alone when she traveled to the markets.
The day that fate was to be her enemy came as she decided to visit the markets for new flowers for their living chambers as well as purchasing a gift for his mother for her upcoming birthday.
Stopping at one of the stands filled with flowers, greenery and candles, a smile appeared on her lips as she smelled the different scents of it all. One of her ladies-in-waiting was near her helping the raven haired one to purchase many of the flowers to create an arrangement for the bedchambers of her and her husband. He always allowed her to have fresh flowers as she did not wish for many other items. He spoiled her with jewels, books and other gifts but it was flowers she loved the most. Especially at how each scent was an aphrodisiac for certain senses of the human body. But it was the roses she loved most of all. The different colors and so vast at the shades, of how they grew even near where they were in the mountains. Reds, pinks, blues, and so forth. She had to have all of the colors.
Gently and delicately as she could she picked up each stem of different colors in the straw woven basket that her one ladies carried. She was deeply engrossed in picking out the best ones in all of the choices before she moved on to a lady that had woven silks and tapestries. Long fingers gently caressed the soft fabrics as she moved through the large stacks of items of blankets, tapestries, brocades and silks when she felt the sharpness of pain tear through her body. Hand quickly moved to her stomach as she almost doubled over before sitting down.
“Get me back to the Castle. I need to get back.” Her voice filled with pain as tears welled in her eyes.
Quickly, she was returned to the Castle and rushed to their chambers when she felt wetness between her legs as she cried out in pain. Looking down, crimson colored fluids covered her skirts and undergarments as her voice turned into a scream as another jolt of fiery pain seared through her abdomen.
Chaos ensued as the doctor was called and as her ladies were staying by her side. Tears of loss could be heard from her mother and his while her body was discarding her child as if it was a foreign object. Beads of sweat form on her face as well as she feels some travel down the valley between her breasts. Or was it the water from clothe that was being used to cool her flesh? Tears streaked her cheeks as she could not believe the fates would be so cruel or the gods.
Crying out for him when she heard his voice they would not let him enter before darkness consumed her sending her into an abyss and the evils she fought there.
Struggling in her sleep, she felt strong arms try to hold her down but still she fought. Fighting the gods. Fighting the fates as her dreams and nightmares entwined as she fought for the life of her daughter but nothing changed the truth. Her body miscarry the child that she and Santino were so happy about, wanted and wished for. Why? She asked herself every moment. Her mind tormented as her body was trying to heal. How could he forgive her? How could she forgive herself? Blame and guilt entered into her heart as she blamed herself over and over. She believed she was not strong enough and then she believed she was not good enough for her husband.
“How can I be a good wife and queen if I cannot even carry a child?”
She asked herself over and over. Everyone tried to tell her that it was not her fault that sometimes Mother Nature had her own plans but nothing helped. Nothing saved her mind from its descent into madness and no one could pull her back from the edge. Her family tried, her husband tried but nothing was working as the blame, the memories of the pain and the crimson stain on her skirts.
Standing on the balcony of the chambers, the cold wind blew her hair around as it had been kept down as she felt the snow wet on her cheeks. Numb to the cold as she wiped away some of the wetness, her sapphire eyes dark and already showing loss of life as she stared out over the mountains of her beloved home.
A step closer to the edge she takes and feels the wind become stronger before turning back to look over her shoulder into the large room; no one was there. Once again, she looked forward and another step was taken before she felt nothing under her feet but the emptiness of the wind as it wisps around her almost enveloping her as her bodily descent was now catching up to her mental one.
