Can the Kαtααng kiss in the “The Ember Island Players” episode be justified? I’ve seen many people claim that, yes, it can be. But I must disagree with those takes. To explain why I think that the balcony kiss does not present Kαtααng in a very good light— to say the least— I’d like to compare and contrast the Kαtααng balcony scene with moments between other relationships in ATLA.
Let’s begin by comparing these two scenes above. On the right, we have what it looks like to be patient and give someone space, even when your relationship with them isn’t at where you’d like it to be at. This is what it looks like to not be pushy for someone to feel a certain way about you.
On the left, we have what it looks like to be impatient and pushy for someone to feel a certain way about you that you want them to feel. And, as you’ll see in the gif below on the left, the balcony kiss is what it looks like to not give someone space when your relationship with them isn’t at where you’d like it to be at.
A common argument that I’ve heard before defending the unwanted balcony kiss is that Katara really wanted it, but didn’t want to kiss Aang back right then because of the war, and how the war makes their relationship extremely uncertain. Putting aside the fact that “but she wanted it” is an extremely gross excuse often used for unwanted romantic advances, the statement is still wrong.
How do I know this? Well, let’s compare Zuko and Jin’s kiss to the balcony kiss. On the right, we have an example of someone wanting to kiss someone back, but not being able to because of the war, and how the war makes their relationship with that person extremely uncertain. Zuko wanted to kiss Jin back, but couldn’t, because of how the war complicated things, and would make their relationship uncertain. On the left, we do not have an example of that. Rather, Katara immediately pulled away from the kiss the moment she realized what was going on. She didn’t lean in and kiss Aang back (which, you know, one tends to do for at least a moment when they want to be kissed) before stopping herself because of thoughts of the war’s effect on their relationship. No, rather, Katara just pulled away quickly.
To add on to that, if you look closely at the kiss, you can see that Katara even pursed her lips together immediately when Aang’s lips touched hers (which, I don’t know about you guys, isn’t something that I think one would do if they wanted to be kissed). Compare that to Zuko leaning in to kiss Jin back, before stopping himself and pulling away from her. The former shows not wanting to be kissed, to the point where you purse your lips and jump back with a look of shock on your face when you are kissed, and the latter shows wanting to kiss someone back, but stopping yourself because of the circumstances of your relationship with that person because of the war.
On the right, we see Sokka and Suki almost kissing, but Sokka stopping himself, and Suki apologizing, before Sokka tells Suki that she shouldn’t be sorry. Keep in mind that Sokka and Suki’s almost-kiss would not have been an unwarranted kiss, unlike the balcony kiss. They both saw the signs that they wanted to kiss each other, and they both were moving towards each other. But the moment that Suki realized that Sokka may not want to kiss her right then, she immediately stopped herself and pulled back. She even apologized, even though— as Sokka confirms— she didn’t need to.
Let’s compare this to what we see on the left. On the left, we have Aang kissing Katara even though she didn’t give any indication (verbal or via body language) that she wanted to be kissed. Katara immediately tells him off for the surprise kiss, by reminding him that just a few seconds ago she had clearly stated that she was confused. But Aang didn’t apologize after Katara clearly expressed her dislike of what he just did. He just stared at her and didn’t say anything. And, if you watch the rest of “The Ember Island Players” and the rest of the show, you’ll notice that Aang never tells Katara that he was sorry for giving her an unwanted kiss.
On the right, we see two people who are good at communicating— both verbally and via body language— whether they want to kiss one another or not. On the left, we see a person who gave no indication that they wanted to be kissed (and even verbally expressed that they were confused), and another person kissing them anyway and not apologizing for it afterwards.
The comparison between the two gifs above also addresses the balcony kiss excuse that claims that Katara’s rightfully angry actions in this scene were “just because of the war.” On the right, we have an example of wanting to spend more time with someone, but not being able to because of the war. On the left, we do not have an example of that. Rather, on the left we have an example of literally running away from a person. After all, I highly doubt that the reason Katara was running was to quickly buy snacks from the theater before Act III of the show began.
In both of the two gifs above, we see someone feeling bad about what they did to Katara. Zuko feels bad about betraying Katara and her trust in Ba Sing Se. Aang feels bad about giving Katara a kiss that she did not want. However, there is a difference in how Aang handles regretting his past actions and how Zuko handles regretting his past actions. Aang feels bad about giving Katara an unwanted kiss, but he never does anything to atone for it. Throughout the rest of the episode, and the rest of the show, we never see him go up to Katara and apologize and/or ask what he can do to make it up to her.
Let’s compare that to when Zuko felt bad about betraying Katara in Ba Sing Se. Zuko asked Katara what he could do to make it up to her. He didn’t just sit around with his feelings of guilt. When Katara gave Zuko her contemptuous answers to his question of how he can make it up to her, Zuko took an effort to learn more about one of the answers: bringing Katara’s mother back. He reached out to Sokka to find out more about the situation, and figure out if there was a way for him to help her get closure over the insidious murder of her mother. He supported and defended her right to get closure. He partnered with her on the trip to find her mother’s murderer. He helped get her to the place where she could finally face the monster that caused her such pain for so many years. He stood to the side and let her make whatever decision she felt was right for her. And, as confirmed by her line of “but I am ready to forgive you,” he made it up to Katara.
Oh, and before someone argues that by saving the world, Aang makes it up to Katara for the unwanted kiss, let me just say that it does not. It does not address the issue at hand that happened between Aang and Katara’s relationship. Saving the world is something that Aang did for the world. What does it have to do with Aang apologizing to Katara and making efforts to atone for giving Katara an unwanted kiss?
Feeling guilty about doing something wrong and upsetting to someone else is all well and good, but it ultimately makes no difference of any real worth if you don’t make efforts to atone or apologize for what you did. Which is why I wish that Aang could have apologized to Katara and atoned for the unwanted kiss. But we never see that. This criticism, along with the other ones I already listed, are some of the reasons why I do not think that the Kαtααng balcony kiss is justifiable.
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