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[ellegee-blog1]

Two whole days of gazing in wonderment at this perfect boy 😍💙🌈 • Brodie is an absolute delight and I still can’t believe that he is here, safe and well. • We arrived at the hospital bright and early Monday morning ready to get induced and have a baby. So excited, prepared and ready for the next stage of our journey. After the necessary paperwork and baseline monitoring we got down to business. My cervix was high and completely closed, not what I had hoped for but not the end of the world we would start my induction with gel. • I had my first lot of gel at 8:00am and once administered we set about using our #hypnobirthing techniques to remain calm and relaxed and help to stimulate surges. We also walked around the hospital and up and down stairs. • I was feeling really good and starting to have little niggles and surges but still very comfortable. We returned for some monitoring and an exam where there was no change to my cervix and a slightly higher dose of gel was administered. • Again we turned to our hypnobirthing techniques to remain relaxed and try to further stimulate effective surges. When I returned for further monitoring and an exam I was dilated 1cm but my cervix was still quite thick. I was having regular surges while still remaining comfortable so we decided to try to sleep and see what happened overnight. • Overnight I was able to sleep relatively well while still maintaining regular surges. Early Tuesday morning I went down to be monitored and checked and was very disheartened to discover there had been no change to my cervix and we had a few options. • We used our BRAINS 🧠 another #hypnobirthing tool in order to make the decision for a planned caesarean section on Tuesday afternoon. Something we really hadn’t envisioned for Brodie’s birth but it was everything and more than we could have hoped for. • Brodie entered the world in such a calm, supportive and relaxing environment. The entire operating theatre was aware of our journey and helped to make Brodie’s birth incredibly special. • Continued in comments 👇🏼 https://www.instagram.com/p/BuI-ve_grZM/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1bz5v6kgvjflu

[ellegee-blog1]

I have been so uncomfortable and hot this week that I have had our air conditioning on a rather pleasant 16 degrees all day erryday! Cold showers and baths are also a necessity. • Sprout is still tracking along well and healthy. Looking like he has decided to settle in to an LOA position and started to engage. • Last night after 216 days of injections 💉 I finally administered my last shot of Clexane. I am so happy that I don’t have to give myself any more injections for a while. You do get used to it but it still doesn’t make for a pleasant experience. • Not long to go now 😝 We can’t wait to share Sprout’s arrival with you all. So far I’m feeling relatively relaxed and so excited to meet this little rainbow 🌈 💙 • #pregnancy #bumpdate #37weeks #expecting #pregnancyafterloss #pal #babychisholm3 #babysprout #growingourfamily #hypnobirthing #hypnobirthingmumma (at Queens Park Botanical Gardens) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bt5YeNygvcO/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1cqz47u63leq6

[ellegee-blog1]

One more week down 🙌🏼 I have fully taken advantage of maternity leave and been relaxing and napping... the napping makes up for the lack of sleep at night. • I’m very grateful and feel incredibly fortunate to have made it this far in my pregnancy but it doesn’t mean that I am also 💯 completely over it. I have sciatic pain, I have pregnancy insomnia, I am anxious and as positive as I’m trying to be I still have many fears. Pregnancy after loss is hard and I am looking forward to being off of this emotional roller coaster and letting a new one of parenting after loss begin. • Sprout is still cooking away fine, he hasn’t engaged or settled in to a position but this is pretty normal for subsequent pregnancies. My placenta is starting to calcify again this happens at the end of every pregnancy but it was very noticeable on my scan this week. We aren’t concerned as the blood flow was still good but let’s just say an induction is definitely for the best. • #pregnancy #bumpdate #36weeks1day #expecting #pregnancyafterloss #pal #babychisholm3 #babysprout #growingourfamily #hypnobirthing #hypnobirthingmumma (at Queens Park Botanical Gardens) https://www.instagram.com/p/Btp5E03Ax0s/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=fcylzlsgb62o

[ellegee-blog1]

I figured I couldn’t take Betty and Bruce out to the see the real Sunflower fields... I did manage to find some that were more their size 🐶🐶🌻🌻 #bettyandbruceadventures #sunflowers #puppies #jackrussellcross #weallneededarestonthewalk #andmultipletoiletstopsforeveryone🤦🏼‍♀️ (at Queens Park Botanical Gardens) https://www.instagram.com/p/BtesDuYgJ9O/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=vip8admtnttv

[ellegee-blog1]

Having amazing friends is the most beautiful thing. Today they threw me a baby spinkle 💙🌈 • Thank you to these beautiful ladies for being there through the incredibly shitty times as well as making sure I celebrate all the good things as well 💕 • #friends #friendswhoarefamily #babysprinkle #lovethem #pregnancy #35weeks2days #expecting #pregnancyafterloss #pal #babychisholm3 #babysprout #growingourfamily https://www.instagram.com/p/BtajWv0AOay/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=6zuuk4dzg884

[ellegee-blog1]

Wahoo 🙌🏼 First day of maternity leave down. I’m very relieved to have finished work and have some down time before we welcome Sprout. • I had my OB appointment yesterday and everything is going well. I’ve started to get some fluid retention and swelling in my hands and feet but it seems to settle each night and I’m hoping with more rest won’t happen as often. Sprout is happy and healthy inside still keeping up his antics with his bum underneath one side of my ribs and foot under the other on the ultrasound yesterday despite this I was very happy to hear he is in a LOA position now which is optimal for birth. He is still bang on average for his growth and gestationally measuring a couple of days behind. • I was able to discuss everything with my OB yesterday and ultimately we have decided on an induction date in mid February. I feel incredibly relieved and excited not to mention prepared now that we have a plan in place. • The countdown is well and truly on and we can’t wait to share the news with everyone when Sprout makes his appearance 💙🌈 • #pregnancy #bumpdate #35weeks #expecting #pregnancyafterloss #pal #babychisholm3 #babysprout #growingourfamily #hypnobirthing #hypnobirthingmumma https://www.instagram.com/p/BtVaW49AXYI/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=8no1gw0py6p9

[ellegee-blog1]

I am feeling super prepared with only ONE thing left on my to do list! I need to order my @owletcare baby monitor which is for my own piece of mind more then anything else. Zoe was monitored by a hospital grade pulse oximeter and the Owlet although not a pulse oximeter nor a medical device uses similar technology. I know that no monitoring system is guaranteed to eliminate the risk of SUDI and that following the @rednosedayaustralia Safe Sleep Guidelines will also be a priority for me. I also believe that for me the Owlet will allow me to sleep without constantly waking to make sure that Sprout is breathing and give me some extra reassurance as no doubt I will be incredibly anxious when we come home. • My hospital bag is packed with all of the essentials, car seat is installed, #hypnobirthing preferences and notes are all printed out, nursery is set up, the dogs are accustomed to the pram and walking next to it - they pull on the leads too much for me to tackle it by myself but at least two people can. They need some more training lessons 🤦🏼‍♀️ I have even cleaned my windows, all my kitchen cupboards and reorganised them #becausenesting 😝 • I am finishing work on 31st January and will be looking forward to having a complete break to rest and relax. There is a fine line between when a break turns in to boredom for me so I’ll just have to see how that goes. Although I do not work full time, the days I do work are incredibly exhausting for me so I know I do need some time to allow myself to rest. I also need to allow some time for some #selfcare as I know the last few weeks of pregnancy will be difficult for me. • I also have my doctors appointment at the end of next week and we will discuss in more detail what the plan will be for the rest of this pregnancy. I just want the both of us to be safe and healthy so if that means it’s better to continue to my due date that’s what we will try to do. The reason I say try is that this of course does not factor in my mental health and anxieties surrounding the end of this pregnancy. I honestly will not be able to breathe a sigh of relief until I see and hear that Sprout is crying and breathing when he enters the world. https://www.instagram.com/p/BtDaDB3Hhwj/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=vq8vfwpmzkjd

[ellegee-blog1]

I just love the hospital so much I visited even more to get my pre admission sorted and see the pre admission anesthetic clinic. • Even though I am planning on a vaginal delivery given my known malignant hyperthermia risk (a severe allergic reaction to inhalation anesthetics) I met with the clinic to run through my history just in case of an emergency cesarean or a need to change to a cesarean delivery. I have quite successfully had two operations under safe general anesthetics since finding out about my MH susceptibility. There are still precautions that need to be in place prior to me undergoing a procedure. Very easy if the operation is planned and theater staff can prepare... slightly harder in an emergency! Although the anesthetist I saw was wonderful and explained exactly what they would do in the event of an emergency. Most cesarean’s are conducted using a spinal block anesthetic which is completely safe for me to have.. unless I have given myself a shot of Clexane in the previous 12 hours. If that is the case I will have to be placed under an intravenous anesthetic and will not get to see Sprout enter the world. • We spent some time with the wonderful @felicitydunnphotog on Sunday doing our maternity photos - I can’t wait to see this moment captured in time. I loved my maternity photos with Zoe and am so happy to have been able to do this again. • #pregnancy #bumpdate #33weeks5days #expecting #pregnancyafterloss #pal #babychisholm3 #babysprout #growingourfamily #hypnobirthing #hypnobirthingmumma https://www.instagram.com/p/Bs-U4jqHgOp/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1fbfmm8nmrg8q

[ellegee-blog1]

Super late in writing any #bumpdates but quite frankly the anniversary of Rory’s passing and turmoil of the few days after was incredibly difficult, upsetting and a whole range of other emotions. Coupled with the fact I presented at the hospital again several times for decreased movements I have found it all overwhelming and absolutely exhausting. • Sprout is doing completely fine he is head down and rotating between left occiput posterior and anterior. When he moves in to the anterior position I can no longer feel his kicks through my placenta. Generally as soon as the CTG goes on he does a few big movements and everything always tracks well but for my own peace of mind I always get checked out. • My doctor is super happy with how everything is going despite my presentations at the hospital - they always worry her knowing our history - but so far it’s purely positional. My last scan way back in December was able to be reviewed by her after my last appointment #technologyisgreatwhenitworks and as we suspected everything is tracking well with Sprout’s growth and my placenta. So pleased is she with everything that she is contemplating not inducing me as early or at all... Something I have very mixed feelings about and we will continue to discuss. • I am finding the end of this pregnancy incredibly uncomfortable and am ready for this little guy to be here already. I am also finding some of my anxieties creeping back in especially with this spate of decreased movements.... This was our first indication of problems with Zoe’s pregnancy. It is such a roller coaster of emotions and I ready to be off of it. • #pregnancy #bumpdate #32weekupdate #technically33weeks3days #expecting #pregnancyafterloss #pal #babychisholm3 #babysprout #growingourfamily #hypnobirthing #hypnobirthingmumma https://www.instagram.com/p/Bs5UVjrHP1N/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=4f0y9i0l67j7

[ellegee-blog1]

I spent some time in the hospital on Sunday - Sprout is fine and so am I which is all that matters! So why was I there? I had felt a reduction in Sprout’s movements, a terrifying experience in a pregnancy after loss. • Saturday was an extremely busy day and night, although I had felt movements they weren’t in his usual pattern nor were they as strong. I didn’t think too much of it as I had been so busy I thought I wasn’t as in tune to his movements as I usually am as I was distracted all day and night. • Sunday morning came around and I had only felt a handful of movements when he is usually incredibly active. I called the hospital and my doctor straight away, dragged Scott out of bed and up we went to the hospital. • Of course as soon as we started on the CTG it was evident Sprout was A OK and clearly just wanted an audience to perform to! He was wiggling and moving around so much. We ended up staying for a couple of hours and as I hadn’t been feeling super well. I was sent home after promising to rest and take it easy for a few days and then running a few tests to make sure I didn’t have anything nasty. • You may have noticed me talking about movements and not kicks - we don’t count kicks anymore we tune in to our baby’s movements in the third trimester. If you notice any change - an increase, decrease or pattern change or generally feel uneasy you should contact your hospital or care provider - you are your baby’s link to the outside world! For more information visit @still_aware • #pregnancy #bumpdate #31weeksand4days #expecting #pregnancyafterloss #pal #babychisholm3 #babysprout #growingourfamily #hypnobirthing #hypnobirthingmumma #stillaware #letstalkmovements #empoweredpregnancy https://www.instagram.com/p/BsaPaTFHVr5/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1k08vpdqyee0e

[ellegee-blog1]

And just like that it’s been a trip around the sun without you ✨ • A year ago today we said Aloha to our perfect, too precious for this world little boy. • We love Rory so much that we welcomed him to the world 24 weeks too early so that he would only feel love and never know the pain his sister went through. • The 8th January 2018 will always be one of the worst days of my life, right up there with several others but the 9th January 2018 was a beautiful day because I got to cuddle my perfect boy to my chest and talk to him before we inevitably had to say goodbye. • He joined his big sister in heaven where they watch over us every single day. I know he was watched today as I opened my bedroom window and saw a big beautiful bright blue dragonfly playing happily by the hedge ✨ • #roryjames #alwaysloved #missingyou #tmfr #letstalkabouttmfr #terminationformedicalreasons #raredisease https://www.instagram.com/p/BsZlWZsH6ZM/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1mo3z5sqrhd4x

[ellegee-blog1]

A year ago today my heart was shattering in to a million pieces all over again. • I was about 8 hours in to my labour with Rory, his journey in to this world had ended his short but sweet life. • I was in so much pain, physically and emotionally, I was vomiting and it would be another few hours before the cocktail of painkillers administered to me would settle me enough to rest comfortably again. • I just wanted to drift away in a daze so I didn’t have to deal with all of my hormones and emotions. In the early hours of the morning when I birthed by tiny but perfect boy I would be numb to all of these emotions and shocked at what I had managed to live though yet again. • #roryjames #alwaysloved #missingyou #tmfr #letstalkabouttmfr #terminationformedicalreasons #raredisease https://www.instagram.com/p/BsXZjb4n_AE/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=6rvgk70djl0p

[ellegee-blog1]

A slightly busier week taking full advantage of not working over Christmas and the New Year and trying to do all of the things! • Hospital bag for Sprout is packed ✅ All and I mean all of the things have been washed ✅ Sprout’s room rearranged ✅ again and again 😬 thanks to Scott for being patient with my directions of there not there no actually maybe over there 🤣 - having a pregnant wife is a barrel of laughs! Bought all of the things from my list ✅ Cot and bassinet made ✅ Decor all in place ✅ Car seat installation booked ✅ • The count down is well and truly on with a maximum of 6 weeks and 1 day left of this pregnancy 😳😱 I still feel like my to do list is a mile long but I know all of the big things have been done with the exception of packing my hospital bag - mainly because I do not have a clue about what was useful last time!! If anyone has any handy tips of useful things please let me know! The only things I remember is a water bottle you can drink from at all angles, hair ties, your own good quality toilet paper or flushable wipes and plenty of maternity pads. • As part of our hypnobirthing course we were encouraged to post a sign so that our midwives on our birthing day are aware that we are using hypnobirthing techniques. I went one step further and tweaked an idea the lovely @joancalzone had for her labour and birth, posting a sign to say she was having a rainbow baby. I am pretty happy with what I created - one for while I am in labour and one for our hospital stay. Swipe ➡️ to see. • We had our check up on Monday and things are all looking really good. Sprout has moved in to more of head down position - right on to my bladder - thanks buddy 👍🏼 And we could tell from our bedside scan that he has hair, just like his big sister - although the horrible heartburn had already lead me to believe that! • #pregnancy #bumpdate #30weeksand6days #expecting #pregnancyafterloss #pal #babychisholm3 #babysprout #growingourfamily #hypnobirthing #hypnobirthingmumma https://www.instagram.com/p/BsLBjFLnof7/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=xqx4yzvsbd29

[ellegee-blog1]

A slightly busier week taking full advantage of not working over Christmas and the New Year and trying to do all of the things! • Hospital bag for Sprout is packed ✅ All and I mean all of the things have been washed ✅ Sprout’s room rearranged ✅ again and again 😬 thanks to Scott for being patient with my directions of there not there no actually maybe over there 🤣 - having a pregnant wife is a barrel of laughs! Bought all of the things from my list ✅ Cot and bassinet made ✅ Decor all in place ✅ Car seat installation booked ✅ • The count down is well and truly on with a maximum of 6 weeks and 1 day left of this pregnancy 😳😱 I still feel like my to do list is a mile long but I know all of the big things have been done with the exception of packing my hospital bag - mainly because I do not have a clue about what was useful last time!! If anyone has any handy tips of useful things please let me know! The only things I remember is a water bottle you can drink from at all angles, hair ties, your own good quality toilet paper or flushable wipes and plenty of maternity pads. • As part of our hypnobirthing course we were encouraged to post a sign so that our midwives on our birthing day are aware that we are using hypnobirthing techniques. I went one step further and tweaked an idea the lovely @joancalzone had for her labour and birth, posting a sign to say she was having a rainbow baby. I am pretty happy with what I created - one for while I am in labour and one for our hospital stay. Swipe to see a picture. • We had our check up on Monday and things are all looking really good. Sprout has moved in to more of head down position - right on to my bladder - thanks buddy 👍🏼 And we could tell from our bedside scan that he has hair, just like his big sister - although the horrible heartburn had already lead me to believe that! • #pregnancy #bumpdate #30weeksand6days #expecting #pregnancyafterloss #pal #babychisholm3 #babysprout #growingourfamily #hypnobirthing #hypnobirthingmumma https://www.instagram.com/p/BsLAudbHDOh/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1cd52e3tfhxr0

[ellegee-blog1]

2018 what can I say, you broke me completely... again I was left to pick back up the pieces. You were a roller coaster of grief, love, growth and change. • In some ways I think what the actual fuck was this hell hole of a year?! But in other ways there was so much love and good things to celebrate that our little family and our loved ones around us achieved. • I welcome 2019 and all of the changes it will bring to our life, I know it won’t be easy and will be a roller coaster of a whole other kind. • #2018 #byebye2018 #byebye2018hello2019 #emotionalrollercoaster #grief #love #growth #change https://www.instagram.com/p/BsC03pvn_NA/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1r98oq40txin6

[ellegee-blog1]

Better late then never... Not too much going on this week other then a whole lot of rest! • Our growth scan went well and Sprout is well and truly happy in a traverse position for now. His head is just to the right of my pelvis and his little booty is just under the left hand side of my ribs. During our scan he had both his hands and feet around his head - most unusual but apparently it was comfortable 😝 (Swipe left) The sonographer didn’t see any red flags and there was good blood flow for my placenta and through the umbilical cord. Sprout is measuring about a week behind and on the 30th percentile so this will be our baseline. We are expecting him to be a little baby unless he has a massive growth spurt over the next few weeks. • I have my next appointment with my OB on Monday so will find out a few more bits and pieces as we get closer to welcoming our little man. • It’s so hard to believe that a year ago tomorrow we received the devastating news of Rory’s diagnosis... It was almost two years to the day since we had been sat down in a little room by a team of doctors and been informed of Zoe’s diagnosis. December has and will continue to be a month chock full of emotional highs and devastating lows all tangled together. This time last year I was positive I would be getting my happy ending that there was no way on earth I would have to live through the worst pain imaginable all over again. Upon hearing Rory’s diagnosis I was distraught and couldn’t even fathom how I would overcome the pain. I would never have believe that a year later I would be so close to welcoming this rainbow baby. • As we get closer and closer to meeting Sprout the tangle of emotions gets harder to manage. I miss Zoe and Rory so much that I can not even put it in to words and it kills me that we will never get to see them grow up or introduce them to their younger brother. Every happy memory, moment and milestone that Sprout meets will continue to be bittersweet because it will be something that Zoe and Rory can not be apart of or something that we never got to experience with them. Pregnancy after loss is not an easy journey and in some ways is becoming harder the further along we get. https://www.instagram.com/p/Br7kGaln32s/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=g2gy25y30vp

[ellegee-blog1]

Because even puppies deserve a sundae on their birthday 🎂 🎉 • Betty is two today! • She is probably the same size or just smaller then your average cat and no matter how much we feed her just won’t put on weight... probably because she lets Bruce eat her food 🤦🏼‍♀️ #sharingiscaring She is our little pocket rocket and dazzles everyone with her insane energy! • #bettyourpup #happybirthdaybetty #bettyturnstwo #jackrusellcross #willalwaysbeapuppy #puppysundae🐶🍨 https://www.instagram.com/p/Brm5fr8n659/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=15nz9iblnesu5