Announcement of Writing Hiatus, Yet Too a New Adventure
TLDR: Pausing my writing/fanfics for an indefinite amount of time to pursue drawing. Not abandoning my projects, but need a change of pace.
Hello, my lovely readers! Long time no see...?
This post has been brewing for quite a while, but I've been my usual stubborn self and refused to publicly acknowledge my struggles until now. I gave myself a deadline to make a decision, and that deadline is now here, hence this announcement post. However, to explain a little...
Since October of last year ( 2023 ), I've been battling against and contending with an intense bout of writer's block - pretty much right after the 2nd remastered chapter of YCTL released. I also wasn't enjoying myself in the fandom, nor was I content with some of the decisions Atlus was making at the time. With those combined, I genuinely debated leaving/deleting all of my work, as all it brought me was misery. I won't go into too much detail as I don't like airing negativity, but I ultimately decided a break from it all was required, from SMS and such. After a much-needed break and unforeseen support, my volatile emotions ebbed and I managed to see the light again, yet when I tried to return to writing, I felt my heart wasn't as enthusiastic about it as it once was. I even attempted to begin production on Yusuke's B'day fic earlier, thinking that maybe it was the chapter of YCTL holding me down, but that didn't really help either. I was and still am apathetic towards my writing. I don't feel excitement, enjoyment or anything joyus towards it anymore. All I currently feel is frustration and annoyance whenever I try. It's easier to chalk this up to writer's block, because, well, that's ultimately what it is, but it's quite a severe case, unfortunately.
Around New Years, a friend of mine gave me their old drawing touchpad/tablet as they had upgraded, and I've been enjoying experimenting with it and tapping into my childhood hobby/interest since. While doing so definitely has those natural creative frustrations, I've been able to aspire beyond them, and that is ultimately what made me realise what creation should feel like again, and all of the above. It was akin to a wake up moment, one where I realised my relationship with writing as a whole had degraded and just trying to 'willpower' through it was impossible. I do not wish to abandon my projects or writing as a whole, but the reality of the matter is I cannot create anything of worth in my current state - trying to force myself will only lead to hatred, and I really don't want to lose my love for writing more than I already have.
These last 3 months have made it clear I need a change, and so I debated how to proceed forward and ultimately decided it would be wise for me to put my projects on an indefinite hiatus, yet instead of simply mulling over that fact, I should shift my creative energy towards other methods and explore different creative outlets whilst my burnout heals. I, unfortunately, cannot give a timeframe for when I may return to writing, as these issues have a mind of their own, but I'm hopeful this will be a step in the right direction. In the meantime, I plan to pursue drawing again as I've found it rather fun, despite the lulls, but this will primarily be a 'behind the scenes' venture, as I am still very much a fledgling artist and do not harbour any confidence regarding posting my artworks. I'm hopeful pouring my creative energy into something else can facilitate my growth, instead of remaining stagnant as I have the last few months.
As for my accounts, I plan to resume my activities on SMS. I've gone dark the last 2.5 months as I really needed it and wished to spend time with loved ones without these mental pressures, but now that I can see a path forward, I want to enjoy my place within the fandom again. I'll primarily be doing as I always have, posting miscellaneous stuff and supporting other creative individuals - just without the chapter updates and whatnot. Who knows, I may even post some of my artwork that I find decent enough.
To showcase my dedication to this new adventure, I drew a small fanart and wish to share it with you all! I did want to draw something a little more substantial, but the weather here is brutal and there's some other, unrelated, changes occuring in my life at the moment, so I'm rather busy. Regardless, I hope you enjoy this little piece - a piece indicating my wish to forge ahead, no matter its form! ᕙ(✧ヮ✧)ᕗ
This post has been going on long enough, so I'm going to conclude it with a few more words. But ultimately, I am still very passionate and love P5/shukita/kitashu, the form of which I express it is just going to shift for some time! Thank you all so much for your understanding, I honestly wouldn't be here without you all as your support has been paramount throughout the years! I hope this leads to a fruitful future for us all!
❤️❤️❤️💙💙💙
PS: Yes, I had to draw both variations of the ship as I love them both equally~! ヽ(♥ ³♥)ﾉ
Companion Post - Chapter 1 Remaster: What Alterations Were Made and Why?
Apologies for the multiple posts, but I believed it would be wiser to separate all these subjects instead of condescending them all into one giant wall of text.
This one serves to breakdown and highlight exactly how I plan to approach Remasters in terms of alterations and additions to the plot. So if you've just read, or wish to, the new chapter 1, and are curious as to why some slight changes were made, this will explain exactly why.
I likely will not do this for other chapters, just because of how long these analysis posts take, but if you're ever curious of a change or addition, please do not hesitate to ask me!
I will format this post by scene: ( so those ~~~~ sections )
Scene one:
This scene, in terms of raw content, hasn't been altered much. There are a few additions though, mainly Yusuke's relationship with his mother and her art. This is a subject which is brought up later on, but I believe it belongs in the beginning far more to introduce both him and his ideals. Even if this story is derived from another, established IP, these tidbits are key to narrative and character progression.
Alteration: Madarame no longer sends Yusuke to 'rest' during the day, just tells him to go to his room to brush up on his art skills in preparation. Makes more sense for his character to pressure practice. Also a small line of 'allowing' Yusuke to forgo job hunting today which serves as subtle expositions as to Yusuke's usual routine.
Scene Two:
Scene starts with Yusuke waking up instead of amidst painting. Just a preference to segue into descriptions of their living conditions and his mental state.
New addition: this section elaborates on exactly why Yusuke does not vend nor exhibit his art, and why he clings to that one aspect. In the original text, it's not touched upon and could even cast a misinterpretation on him, one where his desire could be seen as childish or selfish - while in reality it's because it's the last shard of his willpower, autonomy as a person, not Madarame's sole puppet. 'Rebellious spirit' if we're using P5 terms.
Emphasised the fact Madarame only wishes Yusuke to vend/exhibit them to crush that aforementioned willpower, not because there's justification behind it. ( Aka, village is in a more dire state so not many would care for paintings, referenced further in scene four )
Addition: added an element of Yusuke finding Madarame's complete disregard of the letter's arrival suspicious, which in turn is what makes him drop the paintbrush instead and experience mental dissonant.
Alteration: Madarame gives him the 'wedding' attire the night prior instead of Yusuke already owning it.
Alteration: Yusuke's curse at himself is no longer in quotations, only narration. Just a preference of mine.
Elaborated on their landlord's neglect, that they justify allowing the home's disrepair because their payments are often late.
Scene Three:
Scene starts in the washroom, detailing the state of their home and their living conditions more. ( Example, reusing bath water, mold, etc ) This is also so Yusuke can have a 'shower' instead of just changing directly. Preference.
Emphasised Yusuke just wishes for a humble life, and that they used to have such in the past.
Alteration: Their scissor broke, so when Madarame brings up Yusuke cutting his hair, he can't. ( good ) It was strange of Madarame to immediately yell at him to leave after requesting that, so this was added to ensure more flow.
Alteration: Madarame gives him the bread in this chapter instead, as it makes more sense for him to do so now than after he believes Yusuke 'failed'. He's trying to ensure his success here, after all. ( He won't give him bread in chapter 2 as a result, so Rita's food is very much appreciated )
Yusuke's not as timid. ( overall )
Scene Four:
Elaborated on details regarding their village, how it manages to survive and added mentions of the charity harvests! ( Akira's and other benefactors [ as they are now dubbed ]
Seasons have been added! It's winter in the start.
Elaborated on how isolated the village is, and how nearby lands have been gentrified. ( Mentioned later, but should've been present at start )
Emphasised the fact that rumours regarding the Kurusu family are sparse whispers - not trusted much at all.
Scene Five:
The mansion is two miles away ( 30/40 minute walk ) from Yusuke's village. Its outside is also more detailed too. ( Example, gate, what the fountain looks like, breeds of flowers, etc )
The gatekeepers are given descriptive appearances. Uniforms too.
His Lordship! A term I've been itching to use for a while now but didn't wish to suddenly introduce as of Chapter 30. [ If you've noticed, Akira is referred to as a 'Lord' at the mansion, and a 'Majesty' at the manor ]
Biggest change: Zeriya makes an appearance, taking over the gatekeeper's guide duties. The fact he was absence in this section miffed me to no end, especially when you consider how involved he is regarding targets.
Yusuke is even more suspicious, with description of why and his mental processings.
The description of Akira's appearance has been altered slightly, both to reinforce his depressive and sickly state. Example: his eyes are vacant, his skin is ghostly pale and he harbours dark circles under his eyes. ( Aka, he's at his hunger limit ) [ His natural complexion is not as pale [ skin tone is P5's ], which Yusuke will notice later on. ]
Addition: Yusuke believed his portrait model was going to be an old dude. Most of the other benefactors are in their later years, after all, so this is the reason for the assumption.
Alteration: Yusuke senses Akira's behaviour is a performance, given he has 'experience' acting in accordance for his father.
Alteration: No one is presence beside the gatekeepers, Akira and Zeriya. This is to reflect the way the kingdom perceives Akira's need to feed and their preference to avert their eyes to it. ( Also for their own comfort )
Alteration: The 'trap' room is slightly different, with the bed now out of sight via a partition. Don't wanna send the wrong message to your 'guests', of course!
Addition: Akira brews them tea, Yusuke's drugged whilst his not ( uses different spoons so the liquid doesn't mix ). He also eats food closest to him, also not drugged. This is done because it can help lead their guest into a false sense of security, that the food is safe because their host is consuming it. A classic manipulation tactic.
Yusuke avoids the food because he feels ill, as if he's going to vomit from stress instead of sole suspicion. He does grab a piece of cake to circumvent upsetting Akira though instead of outright 'disrespecting' him.
Addition: Flower tea to obfuscate the natural scent of vampires, just in case their 'guest' has learnt of such.
Alteration: Muffins are gone, red fruit tarts are now in! For symbolism, perhaps. ;)
Alteration: Yusuke's stomach no longer growls immediately at the sight of the food, due to both stress and having eaten that bread.
Alteration: Akira ( lies ) about how they met someone who informed them of Yusuke's existence, and that rumours spurred them to search for this 'stubborn artist' instead.
Alteration/addition: Yusuke still assumes this aforementioned person is Madarame, but there is a lot more emphasis on his hurt, sense of betrayal.
Alteration: Yusuke is a lot more offended by the 'stubborn, egotistical artist' moniker, but he does find the affair rather odd.
Alteration: Yusuke's emotions are so amok by what Akira says that he correlates Akira's desire to convince a stubborn artist as the same as his father's. This leads to him accidentally insulting him.
Addition: Akira attempts multiple, other methods to have Yusuke consume the drug, such as suggesting celebratory drinks, before he grows fed up/gives up. [ Bro gave up way too quick in the old version ]
Emphasised Yusuke noticing Akira growing more and more restive.
Scene Six
Addition: Akira 'entertains' Yusuke for as long as he feasibly can. He grows ruder, more curt as a result of this instead. [ Akira's more frustrated/altered personality whilst starved seeps in far too soon in the old text. ] There is also a more natural segue into his question of 'would anyone miss you' too.
Alteration: Yusuke no longer thinks Akira's polite. He also says he needs to ask Madarame if he can stay instead of speculation.
Addition: Akira begins to toy with the food ( tart ) to spur Yusuke to eat, having sensed his hunger and the hours wane.
Alteration: Yusuke's excuse of 'rare stomach condition' is now what provokes Akira's decorum to shatter apart.
Important/biggest addition: Zeriya now comes to evaluate the proceedings, as an hour is the maximum they'll wait before reassessing the situation. His arrival is what spurs Akira to storm out, having reached both their time limit and his own. This change causes Zeriya to be the one to provide recompense instead, with the amount lowered to reflect his less generous personality. Why was this changed? Well... Whilst there was nothing inherently wrong with the original version of events, [ *Akira kicks Yusuke out himself after not succeeding to drug him, gives him money to ensure his lack of return quite forcibly and almost bites him due to a lack of control ] those events do not align well with Akira's profound aversion to interacting with humans/targets beyond what is absolutely necessary. He foists all responsibility onto Zeriya, both to handle difficult/unsusceptible targets and ensure they don't pester them. This change will give more credence to Zeriya's frustration later on and how Akira's mental health is a taut thread, ready to snap at any moment. It will also cause a chain effect, one I need chapter 2 to acknowledge.
The next important addition is: Zeriya plants a seedling of hope within Yusuke's mind, telling him to perhaps return tomorrow. This is a change I debated quite extensively, as I wish for Yusuke's return to still be spurred solely by his desperation, the utter terror Madarame instills in him with his threats of imposed prostitution, not by any level of reassurance. This wish of mine is however remedied and maintain by the fact Yusuke remains distrustful, that he does not ultimately desire the opportunity itself as it is not one built on his own terms and he finds the inhabitants of the mansion to be insufferable. To illustrate and strengthen this point, Yusuke's plan of defense against Madarame is more elaborate, with his actions being more premediated than before. But this one addition also spurs Madarame's reaction to his actions to be, well... more extreme.
As you can see, these ultimately small alterations have caused a chain reaction, one where everything had to shift if the personalities and inclinations of each character were to be maintained. ( For example, it would be very out-of-character for Zeriya to NOT at least attempt to convince a target's return if given the chance. ) Yusuke is also quite intelligent, so it also makes more sense for his attempt to circumvent punishment to be quite clarified ( with his downfall ultimately being his love for his father. ) That aforementioned element however also elicits Madarame's, somehow, even more abhorrent side ( he's always abhorrent, but alas ) which leads to a more extreme and distressing version of scene seven. In other words, these changes were all decided by deliberating on how each of these characters, in their truest essence, would react to one another's actions. Cause and effect, if I may.
I apologise if this all sounds gibberish. I am very, very bad at articulating my decisions and thought process, so if you're at all confused, please feel free to ask me! Moving on!
Scene Seven
Yusuke is far more salty at Akira for his outburst. [ As he should be ]
Amount of money lowered from 4k to 2k due to aforementioned reason. ( Zeriya is giving the money now )
Addition: Yusuke, amidst his mental deliberation, picks up some supplies from the newly added Winter's Harvest.
Alteration: Madarame's distorted desire to use Yusuke is a lot more pronounced overall, referencing and maintaining his/shadow's personality from P5.
Addition: Yusuke's emphasised heartbreak over the belief Madarame betrayed his promise ( regarding his art ) is now what gives him the strength to lie to his father.
Alteration: Yusuke's plan to protect himself is to pretend Akira never dismissed him, to maintain a pretence of employment, instead of saying they wish for the painting at a later date.
Alteration: Madarame still sees through Yusuke's facade, but because Yusuke's plan to provide the money over time ( to give credence to his employment ) can be perceived as stealing, Madarame reacts even harsher with physical abuse.
Addition: Yusuke's attire is ripped during this horrible treatment, symbolising the tearing of his heart.
Alteration/addition: Madarame uses Yusuke's mother against him to further the sting of his verbal abuses.
Emphasised the fact that Yusuke's return to the mansion is his last chance. ( Before Madarame forces him into prostitution... )
Addition: Mentions of the 'business card' and phone calls. ( now and later on )
I believe that covers most, if not a majority, of the changes made to Chapter 1! These alterations/additions were born not only from deliberating how the characters personalities would amalgamate, but also from my new philosophy when it comes to my creations/stories/writing. I've mentioned it across various comments, but the earliest chapters of YCTL were/are stuck betwixt my prior conflict of whether or not I wanted to simply remaster or do a complete rewrite, and that is reflected in their plot and occurrences. This project serves not only to elevate my writing style but also to give these chapters ( at least up to 6 ) the same treatment and standards I hold for my work as a whole. Aka - if I decided upon a complete rewrite from the start, this is very likely how the chapters would've came out ( if not slightly different. ).
In conclusion, and as mentioned before, if you have any questions regarding this or my work in general, then please feel free to reach out via Tumblr - Questions, DMs or Twitter! I would be more than delighted to answer any curiosities or concerns! I also find direct questions a little easier to answer than trying to figure out/articulate them on my own.
As always, thank you so much for your support! And I hope you'll all be able to continue to enjoy my shukita/kitashu fics! ヽ(˵ ͡~ ³ ͡°˵)ﾉ
Now that the remastered versions of Chapter 1 and 2 of YCTL are complete, I'll be returning to Chapter 31! I feel... content leaving the remaster at its current stage for awhile. It was never meant to absorb my entire focus. I just got carried away I guess as I really enjoyed revising for some reason, aha! (˵✧≖ل͜≖˵)
Before I can completely tackle that beast of a chapter though ( exaggeration ), I will be going away for the next two weeks. I'm not going overseas or anything, just out of town, so I'll still be active and will be taking my laptop with me - I'm just uncertain if I'll be able to progress much. I'll try my best, but progress might be slow until I return - just wanted to forewarn!
After Chapter 31 is complete and out in the world, I believe I may start production of an R18 Short Story for Yusuke's birthday. I wished to do one this year, but ran out of time and didn't really have a concrete concept. It may be too early to begin, I dunno, as it ultimately depends on how long C31 takes, but I do really want to have one ready and waiting as not only is it fun, my brain has also been "YCTL, YCTL!" ever since I returned, and I'd like to spice it up abit with some... spice. ᕙ(⌐■ ͜ʖ■)ᕗ
Only the future knows for certain, so we'll just have to await till then, I guess!
( His birthday is also really close to P3R's release, so... I'ma peace out when that releases like I did with FFXVI LMAO ¯_(σ ε σ)_/¯ Sorry... Only other game I'll do that for next year is Metaphor and Dawntrail [ Maybe Unicorn Overlord??}, so some reassurance, I guess? )
I will also ensure to complete that alteration/addition post for C1 Remaster, I promise! It's just whenever I sat down to do so, my brain would nag me with the notion I could just be working on C2, so... I caved. If I can't work on C31 while away, I'll do that instead so there's at least some productivity!
Anyway, that's all I wanted to say/update! Thanks for all of your support over the years, and I hope to continue bringing you joy with my work! ❤️💙❤️💙
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
The remaster of YCTL Chapter 2 is complete~! (づ◕ᗜ◕)づ
The original ( reworked ) version of this chapter was quite an... eyesore for me, not going to lie. I always regretted or cringed over certain aspects whenever I'd go back and fact check, so I am beyond satisfied to finally be able to fix it! The earliest chapters of YCTL were written when I still wasn't quite certain what direction I wished to take the rework - if I wanted to just embellish what existed or actually rewrite. Future ( current ) me is firmly in the 'rewrite' camp, but this was definitely a relic of that past conflict, one I am happy to finally correct. ヽ( ͡⎚ヮ ͡⎚)ﾉ
I have made slight edits to Chapter 3 and Chapter 4 in order to reflect the remaster additions, but there is a chance I missed some, so please forgive me for that. 🙏 This work has so many words, it's impossible for one person to scan/comb through them all!
Quick note: I have also decided to maintain announcement posts of these remastered chapters because it honestly doesn't hurt to do so. You can ignore if not interested, or click frantically if you are~!
(˵ ͡~ ³ ͡°˵)/
I do have a few more things to say, but this post is growing too long and is squarely focused on C2, so I'll make another! Thank you~!
PS: I also changed the name of this chapter. This won't happen for all, but it will for some I believe I can improve or... intensify. ;)
I have finally finished the draft of YCTL Chapter 2 Remaster edition, aha...! (⏓ヮ⏓)
This will probably be the last time I make a post like this, but here is a word count comparison of the old version and the new! ( Old then New )
It's only a matter of time until it's available to read, so I hope those that are interested are excited! I poured a ton of effort into this ( as I always do ) and I'm really intrigued by how it'll be received, but I'll leave those rambles for the announcement post! ♥
