Emails from Mom

[emailsfromom]

TODAY!

From: Mom

To: Sister, Me

October 29, 2014; 11:29 AM

IS NATIONAL CAT DAY!!!

From: Sister; 11:36 AM

WHAT OH MY GOD WHAT SHOULD WE DO????

From: Mom; 11:37 AM

Bring home dead mousies?

From: Sister; 11:37 AM

no! :(

[emailsfromom]

how does

From: Mom

To: Dad, Sister, Me

August 12, 2013; 10:07 AM

A box of kleenex end up floating upside down in the toilet? 

Dad found that this morning in the downstairs bathroom.

Last I saw, the kleenex box was on the radiator.

Seen any gremlins around? Hard to imagine a cat could aim that well.  

  From: Sister; 10:10 AM

Ok I saw that too this morning but I left it because I thought maybe you had done it on purpose. There was also pee in the toilet so I didn't want to touch it. I think Juno tried jumping up onto the windowsill and kinda fucked everything up.

  From: Mom; 10:11 AM

I can't believe you left it like that.

  From: Sister; 10:14 AM

Honestly I just didn't understand it.

  From: Me; 10:18 AM

Hahahaha Juno probably tried jumping up on something and knocked it in.

  From: Sister; 10:19 AM

That's what I said. Well Mom sometimes you create projects around the house and I don't know if having the tissue box in the toilet was one of those. 

  From: Mom; 10:33 Am

What project could possibly encompass soaking kleenex boxes in toilet pee? How could your brain conceive of this as a project rather than a mess to clean up?

  From: Sister; 10:34 AM

I DON'T KNOW YOU WORK IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS

  From: Mom; 10:35 AM

No, that's God.

  From: Me; 10:36 AM

Honestly, I probably would have thought the same thing.

  From: Mom; 10:39 AM

I can't decide if this is insulting or not. that you would both think I would intentionally soak a box of kleenex in the toilet that had pee in it and it was something you shouldn't touch

  From: Me; 10:41 AM

So maybe you read about this interesting way to get rid of a certain bug in the house and it involved soaking a box of kleenex upside down in the toilet for several hours 

  From: Sister; 10:42 AM

Or maybe it's a certain way to prevent a moth problem. The aroma of urine mixed with tissues/box.

  From: Mom; 10:46 AM

Wow. Those are great suggestions. I don't feel insulted any more.

[emailsfromom]

This is the name of the yellow

From: Mom

February 26, 2013; 3:08 PM

CC: Dad

Gratinee pan I found in the pantry: Descoware (made in Belgium) and this is its history: The Descoware brand of porcelain-coated cast iron cookware was created byDavid E. Sanford of the D.E. Sanford Company, later known as Desco Corporation. Sanford purchased the manufacturing rights to the Bruxelles Ware process from General Housewares Corporation in the 1940s, giving him the right to sell the products in the United States. Bruxelles Ware was originally manufactured in France. Sanford changed the brand name, and contracted to have Descoware manufactured in the 1950s. After forging in Japan, the wares were sent to be porcelainized in updated colors in Belgium. Descoware weighed about 35 percent less than competing brands of cast-iron cookware, giving it a decided advantage. Descoware also offered matching porcelain-coated aluminum accessories. Descoware gained significant popularity when it was re-branded with the new colors, and then endorsed by well-known French chef Julia Child on her television cooking show. The economic growth that Descoware helped generate helped both the Belgian and Japanese economies recover fromWorld War II, and Sanford was Knighted in the name of Belgium's King Baudouin I in 1958 for his role in trade relations. Desco Corporation was bought out by Le Creuset in the 1960s. Le Creuset stopped manufacturing and marketing Descoware while promoting their French-manufactured Le Creuset brand of porcelain-coated cast iron cookware in its place. Descoware remains a sought-after brand of cookware and has a loyal fanbase; single pieces fetch from $20 to over $150.00 USD on eBay. Two of the original colors were originally called cherry flame and citron, but are referred to as orange flame and yellow today.

[emailsfromom]

Mystery pudding

From: Mom

February 5, 2013; 11:46 AM

So I opened up the snack drawer in the fridge looking for parmesan cheese and pulled out a container so labeled. Opened it up and it was spongy  yellow stuff which I poked...wondering if parmesan cheese could deform under certain pressures into something sand-like and quake-y. So I tasted the stuff and it was lemon pudding! When did I make lemon pudding? I can’t even remember...do you? It tastes fine but I’m thinking it’s two months old?

[emailsfromom]

A normal Thursday

From: Mom

January 24, 2016, 12:20pm

Think I've decided I'd rather die by fire than by cold

[emailsfromom]

Twas

From: Mom

January 16, 2013; 11:56AM

‘Twas the month after Christmas And all through the land Folks’ spirits were drooping From dread of the bland Bills had piled up Just waiting for dough Men were snared by the football There was almost no snow. One gray awful day We looked out on the lawn And suddenly, happily There he was again! It was Santa...our Santa! He’d come back to prove That Christmas lives on We can get in the groove! So up came our spirits Our hearts did rejoice. We’ll celebrate Yule again This time with no toys... One month out we’ll rejoice January 25 no more dull We’ll carol and celebrate    Our way out of the lull And just when you think Christmas is just myth We’ll do it again On February twenty-fifth!

[emailsfromom]

So. Many. Big. Words.

Me:

November 14, 2012 at 10:31 AM

2-ingredient recipes! http://www.buzzfeed.com/peggy/34-insanely-simple-two-ingredient-recipes

Mom: 

November 14, 2012 at 10:35 AM

This is the diametric opposite from all the hyped up overcomplicated T’giving recipes I’ve been reading: steaming, then roasting the turkey or butterflying it; creations of vegetables that look like hats; roasted squashes arranged like a Mondrian with care given to negative and positive space on the plate! Too much energy, misdirected.

[emailsfromom]

"it's a shelob life"

Mom:

September 13, 2012 at 9:05 AM

So I keep walking through these huge ropey spider webs in the morning outside...yesterday I kept pulling the webs away from my face and had an awful feeling a spider had gone down my back or something. Whatever, no sign of one all day. But then I was getting undressed last night and out of my underpants comes this thing...I thought, oh here’s the spider...but no. It was a little metal disc on two links of a chain and it said, I believe, though the type was too small for me to read: Life is good. Or else it said:  Life is dead. Looked kind of like the latter.

[emailsfromom]

A Different Cranberry Dessert

Me:

November 8, 2012 at 11:45 AM

http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2010/11/nantucket-cranberry-pie/

Mom:

November 8, 2012 at 11:47 AM

YUUUMMMMMMM!!!! MAKE THIS NOWWWWWWWWW I have two bags of cranberries I just bought.  Want this right now I am having a bad day with impulse control

[emailsfromom]

Twitter

Mom:

November 9, 2012 at 3:24 PM

someday you have to show me how to tweet

[emailsfromom]

wine yolk?

Mom:

June 24, 2012 at 5:1 PM

The WineYoke hands free wine glass holder is the perfect accessory for wine tasting or wine events. The WineYoke offers you hands free holding of your wine glass while you enjoy hors d'oeuvres and socializing with friends. The WineYoke makes a perfect gift for any wine lover. The WineYoke is light weight, and stores conveniently in a purse or pocket. Bring it with you when you travel to visit wineries or even bring it with you to your friends' home parties. Your WineYoke will be the talk of the party, and everyone will want to buy one. Heck, just carry a few extra with you and you will make new best friends, and maybe earn a little extra pocket change... (we're kidding)! Made with a flexible rubber material, the WineYoke is strong, classy, and durable. The flexible material makes it effortless to insert any stemmed wine glass. The engineering prevents the glass from moving from side to side. On a more serious note, the WineYoke is not a toy and should be kept away from children. We also recommend you keep it away from extreme heat. The flexible rubber material is bonded together.

[emailsfromom]

blog

Mom:

June 27, 2012 at 1:27 PM

Hi,

  So I am considering linking my blog with my facebook account.  What do you think?  Pluses and minuses.  Something about it makes me nervous.  Am I crazy?  Too bad about Nora Ephron huh?  I am bummed.

  Thanks.

  Love you,

mom

[emailsfromom]

Mom:

August 17, 2012 at 5:17 PM

Subject line:Cooling her coolie for 30 min

[emailsfromom]

Mom:

August 21, 2012 at 3:58 PM

Subject line: School's back

[emailsfromom]

I'm going to need a little more information

September 27, 2012 at 10:16 AM

Mom:

Hi,

We are going to Bob A's 60th b-day party on 10/13 and he enjoys audiobooks.  What is fresh and happening?  He is a republican, likes the Beach Boys and his favorite drink is rum and coke.

Love you,

mom

[emailsfromom]

BERNIE WILLIAMS

Me:

10:15AM

I met Bernie Williams in a bar last night. He was really nice. And really good on guitar. Must tell Mr. Malarky. Will save for topic during Thanksgiving dinner.

Mom:

10:17AM

He'll be over the moon. Bernie was a beloved Yankee player. He's tall, isn't he? Could you marry him?

Mom:

10:42AM

I’m very sorry to report that he’s married with 3 children. Sorry to raise expectations. But you might end up with some amazing music contacts through him. Read his Wikipedia entry under Music Career: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bernie_Williams