Hey y'all, this is a masterlist so that you guys can navigate my fics easily. I will try to update this as I post, but if I miss anything please remind me. As usual, I am always open to requests for one shots, updates on fics (even the completed ones), questions, etc. I've put some relevant tags so that you can decide which fic best suits your preferences. I've also lifted some other characters that I've been thinking about writing for, if you guys have any particular thoughts on it please let me know. Enjoy! <3
Joel Miller Fics:
Alone and Forsaken:
Chapters: 20/20 (Complete!)
PostOutbreak!Joel Miller, Reader is a survivor of a religious cult, Age gap (both parties are legal), Eventual fluff and smut, Major character deaths (Not Joel or reader), A/B/O Dynamics, Mentions of Past Trauma/Abuse, Canon-Typical Violence, Joel Needs a Hug and So Does Reader, Omega!Reader, Alpha!Joel Miller.
Blurbs: Still Available Upon Request
To Break Free:
Chapters: 6/10 (My Newest Work in Progress!)
NoOutbreak!Joel Miller, Neighbour!Joel, Reader Flees to Austin After a Bad Break Up, Soft!Joel Miller, Eventual Fluff and Smut, Mentions of Past Abuse, Protective!Joel, Sarah and Ellie are siblings, Librarian Reader, Romance and Angst.
omg how could i forget @emisprocrastinatingbywriting âs amazing a/b/o fic itâs so fucking hot and itâs basically a whole novel lol so lots of smut to read hehe. And this is her first fic can you believe that, she writes like a very experienced writer. and then also @cavillscurls and @netherfeildren-writes have awesome as fuck a/b/o fics. All hail joel x reader a/b/o fics!!!!!
I haven't read @emisprocrastinatingbywriting 's Alone and Forsaken a/b/o fic. OMG I am thrilled, there are SO many chapters! I indeed have read @cavillscurls fics, love them! And @netherfeildren-writes is who got me into the a/b/o genre, I ADORE all their fics! Thank you SO SO much for sending these recs/writers my way! <3
I agree all hail joel x reader a/b/o fics! They say write what you wanna read, I currently have an a/b/o fic with joel x f!reader in progress, and plan on putting at least the 1st chapter or two out sometime soon! :)
do you have a full list of everyoneâs scents from alone and forsaken? alba smelling like gardenia and grapefruits is so cute đ„șđ„ș lil sweet smellin bebe lol. Thatâs such a nice scent too id love to smell like that lol. I was just rereading some chapters bc i needed that good ass smut.
speaking of, how do mates even handle ruts/heats with kids?? ig when theyâre babies it might⊠not matter bc wtf are they gonna remember, just put them in a room and make sure theyâre safe n go off to fuck lol. like imagine it hits and reader and joel are with alba n ellis at home so itâs like đ
Alone and Forsaken
^ Update Based on This Ask ^
Warnings: Angst, Joel is Still A Bit Traumatized From Chapters 17-20, Fluff, Both Reader and Joel Are Yearning!, Babysitter Maria to the Rescue, A Touch of Voyeurism at a Community Event, Filthy Smut Of Course, Minors DNI.
A/N: Hey y'all, I've missed these two so thank you for the plethora of asks I've gotten about them and their family lately. You will see them again once I feed my TBF readers, I promise! Without further ado, here you go! I hope you enjoy and as always, thanks for reading!
A&F Update: A Valentine's Day to Remember
The music swelled, accompanied by a cacophony of drunken whoops and excited laughter as the couples swayed to the beat. Little hearts cut from red construction paper were taped to the walls, the pink streamers hanging throughout the bar fluttering each time the doors swung open. Midnight loomed on the horizon and yet, most of Jackson seemed perfectly content to keep the Valentineâs Day party going. Even those with children lingered, their beloved pups knocked out cold amongst the piles of jackets lining the benches against the walls.Â
The energy in the room was high, with everyone excited to get out after the first few months of a grueling winter. Food had grown short for a time, along with spirits as heaps of snow had ensured any patrols looking for supplies were barred from leaving for weeks on end. The clinic had slowly filled up with hungry kids and weakened seniors, running the nurses ragged until the weather broke. However, after a lull in the constant storms and a massive hunting trip that had proven fruitful, the town was ready to come out of hiding again. The Tipsy Bison was filled with joy, the elation that came from full bellies and walkable streets palpable as you watched the crowd celebrate from the cramped booth in the corner.Â
You sighed and watched as Jake flitted through the crowd, running on the high he got from party planning as his mate rocked their youngest across from you with a soft smile. Allieâs chocolate covered face was smushed into Cooperâs side, the little girl sleeping peacefully through the chaos, and you couldnât help but feel slightly jealous. Although Alba had surprisingly been kind enough not to scream bloody murder to announce she was ready to eat, Ellis was not so generous. Shrill cries had pierced through the air, almost drowning out the band until you were forced to slide into a dark corner and pull down one of the only shirts that could contain your swollen breasts.
Normally Joel would be at your side to take one of them in an instant, the two of you working like a well oiled machine to get the twins fed without setting either of them off, but not that night. That night, after much goading from both you and his brother, he had agreed to play with the band for a few songs. Which left you where you were, juggling two wiggling pups that had recently learned how to crawl away as you tried not to get distracted by the hunk on stage.
Joelâs presence alone was already enough to make you dizzy but the second he picked up his guitar and leaned into the microphone, you were done for. The silver strands in his hair glinted under the spotlight, creating a soft halo around his face that would have made him look angelic, if it wasnât for the sinful way his biceps bulged beneath the flannel you had picked out for him just a few hours prior. Sweat soaked and dangerously tempting as he started yet another rendition of an old country ballad, you channeled all your energy into looking elsewhere.Â
With how good Joel looked up on stage, you knew that if you stared at him for too long you would be marching up there to yank on his belt in front of the entire community. And given the way his heavy stare never once broke away from your quivering form, you had a feeling he knew. The only thing you could do was wipe the sweat off your brow every few seconds and sneak peeks of him out of the corner of your eye until he was finally back at your side. Slick threatened to seep through the thick fabric of your jeans as you shifted uncomfortably and wracked your brain for a reason behind the fire raging in your gut.Â
Something was off. Since the moment you had opened your eyes that morning, a deep longing had needled its way into your chest, making your blood itch in a way that it hadn't for months. You had tried to ignore it at first, pushing down the burning desire as you rolled over and kissed Joel good morning before leaving to get ready for your shift at the clinic. But the longer you tried to push it to the back of your mind and get on with the day, the worse it got.Â
The twins had wailed through breakfast, yet all you could focus on was the way Joelâs Adamâs apple bobbed as he sipped his coffee and gently tried to soothe their aching gums with a frozen washcloth. After a particularly hectic start to the day, the pups had squirmed the entire walk to your motherâs, both trying like hell to wiggle out of their fatherâs grasp. You had tried to intervene multiple times but despite their squalling, they both refused to let anyone other than their father hold them. Usually that would have left you discouraged, but not that morning. That morning, you spent the entire walk marveling at the strength and patience he possessed as he calmly wrestled them up the street. Â
Joel had walked you to work after that, his big bear paw of a hand covering yours as he rambled on about how best to deal with the discomfort that came with teething. He was so absorbed in his quest to ease their pain that he didnât even notice you staring at the side of his face, wide eyed and trembling as you tried not to dwell on how good of a provider he was for your family. By the time the two of you had reached the clinic, you were so flustered that your knees had almost given out when he kissed you goodbye.Â
âEasy now darling,â Joel had chuckled when he caught you, eyes crinkled around the edges as he smoothed back the sweaty strands of hair that clung to your face, âHey, are you feeling alright? Youâve been actinâ kinda funny this morning. If youâre getting sick, I could always-âÂ
âIâm fine Joel,â you rushed out, not wanting to needlessly worry your mate before sending him across town for a full dayâs work, âJust a bit dizzy is all, I probably should have had more than coffee for breakfast.âÂ
Joel tsked, shaking his head in disapproval as he reached into the lunch bag you had packed for him. His brow grew pinched when you tried to refuse him, his mouth a grim line as you assured him that the clinic had tons of snacks for woozy blood donors that you could steal before rounds. No matter how hard you protested, he remained unmoved. The only thing that the alphaâs brain could register was that his mate was unfed, and that simply wouldnât do.Â
âJust take it sweetheart, you know that itâll kill me if ya donât,â Joel pleaded as he pushed the container of chopped fruit into your hands, âAnd promise me that youâll actually eat it before seeing patients, ya? I canât have my girl starvinâ on me.âÂ
A small, pleased noise came from the back of your throat, which made him tilt his head and squint at you with renewed interest. The way Joel looked at you in that moment, like he was peeling back all of the many layers to stare directly into your soul, ignited something deep and ferocious inside of you. And before you could think better of it, you launched yourself at him at full force. He froze as your lips clumsily collided with his, shocked by the display of affection in front of your place of work, but the second your tongue brushed across the seam of his mouth he melted.Â
Strong arms pulled you against the solid expanse of his chest, lifting you a couple feet off the ground as he poured all he had into you. Joel groaned as your hands dug into his curls, yanking on them just the way he liked. He tilted your head to deepen the kiss, grunting as you felt his cock twitch to life from beneath his jeans. However, just as you felt like you might finally get the one thing that you had been craving for weeks, he broke away.Â
âFucking hell baby, we gotta stop. Youâre gonna get us thrown into the clink for public indecency or some shit,â Joel chuckled, red faced and panting as he carefully brought you back down to the ground, âWhatâs gotten into you this morning?â
You shrugged and gave him a coy smile, feigning innocence as you toyed with the collar of his jacket. Not that the facade fooled him. Joel knew exactly what you wanted, could feel it in the way the space between you sizzled with pent up energy and lust. The wind picked up, kicking up snow drifts and blowing frosty air through the street, but the temperature between the two of you remained tropical as it had been for days.Â
âCanât help it, youâre just too handsome babe,â you sighed wistfully, batting your eyelashes up at him in a way that made him bite back a pained groan.Â
âFuckinâ trouble,â Joel playfully grouched, placing one last kiss to your cheek before he slapped your ass and pushed you towards the clinic, âNow get, you little shit disturber. Iâll deal with you later tonight, mâkay?âÂ
You grinned mischievously, âIâll be holding you to that one cowboy.â
After attempting to maul him outside the clinic, the rest of the day had been a blur. All you could think of was that promise in between rounds, chewing on your lip as you imagined dragging him off one of the worksites in town to demand that he tear you apart. Or maybe Joel would come find you, so worked up by your teasing that he had to tear through town like a madman and drag back home to have his way with you. But alas, after the first four hours of your shift came and went with no sign of him, you were forced to let that fantasy go. Tonight, you reminded yourself over and over again. Tonight, tonight, tonightâŠ
In the few hours you had spent with patients, the situation had gotten dire. The mess between your thighs grew with every second that passed, until you were eventually forced to toss your ruined underwear in the trash and keep your legs together for the rest of the day so that nobody could see the darkened fabric. It had gotten so bad that you slipped out early, uncharacteristically shirking your responsibilities in hopes that you might catch Joel before he went to go pick up the twins. However, after discarding your boots and coat in the mudroom, all of your filthy dreams were shattered when you walked in to find your mate gleefully chasing the crawling pair around the living room. The sight of your family all together, though once heartwarming, had almost broken you.Â
The desire wasnât entirely abnormal. Not a day went by where you didn't think of your mate in that way, but the desperation was slightly concerning. It bordered on obsession, causing you to mindlessly follow him around the house, buzzing around his ear until he reminded you for the hundredth time that you needed to change out of scrubs for the party. You had groaned and torn yourself away from him, stomach churning from the loss as you raced through your usual routine so that you could return to his side.Â
But fate was not on your side that day, as Joel had then left you with the twins so that he could rinse off the sweat that had accumulated from a day of manual labour. You had followed him into the bathroom, biting your lip as you pretended to wet a face cloth under the guise of cleaning off Albaâs face, watching him undress in the reflection of the mirror. It was unfair how good Joel looked covered in filth and you almost begged him not to rinse off the musk that wafted from his pores. But just as you opened your mouth to voice the request, he disappeared into the shower.Â
However, if Joel thought he had gotten rid of the mate that had been velcroed to his side all evening, he was dead wrong. Almost manic in your quest to be near him, you had lingered in the doorway after he got out of the shower like some sort of creep, practically frothing at the mouth as his nude body was bared to you for what must have been the millionth time. Your mind was so addled that you hadnât even heard the twins screaming from the pack and play behind you, only coming to when he gave you a funny look and asked if you were still okay with watching them while he got dressed.Â
Shaking yourself out of it, you had swallowed all of your embarrassment and scurried off to attend to the pups, feeling more than a little useless in your frazzled state. But who could blame you? It had been months since the two of you had been alone together in that way and you had needs. Or at least, thatâs what you told yourself to ease the sharp sting of shame as you tried to stop gawking at your mate from across the room. The booth you were in was filled with family, while unknowing patrons enjoyed the festivities around you, but you were so needy that all you could think about was him. And he wasnât making it easy on you either.Â
Joelâs eyes stayed trained on you as his thick fingers strummed his guitar, the longing in his gaze palpable as he let the music speak for him. He looked absolutely starved and you were just as famished. Life had been hectic with you being trained as the new doctor, him starting a new position, and the pups now crawling in circles around the both of you. There was little free time, which had left you pining after him for months on end.Â
And with Joel staring you down as he played, the heat gathering between your thighs was growing out of control. The crowd danced to the music, while the patrons sitting at the tables around you chattered and laughed, but you were off in your own little world. His deep twang was like honey over gravel as his eyes swallowed you whole and even though there was a whole sea of people between you, you knew that the song was for you alone.Â
âHeâs actually pretty good.â
âHmmm?,â you hummed, begrudgingly tearing your wandering eyes away from the handsome man up on stage once more, âWhat did you say mom?âÂ
She rolled her eyes, the corner of her mouth twitching in amusement as your gaze kept flicking back towards him. It wasnât quite a smile, but it was the closest thing you had gotten from her thus far. Given everything she had been through, you took it as a win. Plus, with how long it had taken for your mother to stand being in the same room as your mate, a guarded approval of the man responsible for her beloved grandkids was more than you could ever hope for.Â
âI said, heâs good - much better than I would have imagined givenâŠâ
You cocked an eyebrow at her, âGiven what?â
âWell, the man doesnât strike me as someone with rhythm. Heâs usually as stiff as a board when youâre not at his side. That doesnât exactly scream musician,â she offered with a shrug.Â
Her comment was answered with a swift tug on her hair by Alba, which you tried not to look too smug about. It was as if the pup sensed her father was being disrespected and acted, tearing at the greying strands as viciously as an eight month old could. Your mother hissed at the sharp sting and carefully pried the hair from your daughterâs grasp, frowning as tiny fists slammed into her chest in response.Â
âOh believe me, heâs got rhythm where it counts,â you mumbled, laughing at the loud gag Cooper let out in response.Â
âGross,â Cooper muttered, before returning to the usual vow of silence that accompanied him when his husband was elsewhere.Â
âUgh, forget I said anything,â your mother groaned, focusing all her attention on the pup playfully bouncing in her arms, âBut just know; youâll get it twice as bad as me someday and when that happens, I donât want to hear a single complaint about it.â
âDeal,â you conceded, letting the moment pass as you looked down and cooed at Ellis.Â
Those big brown eyes, the same ones he had inherited from his father, fought against the incoming lethargy that came with a full belly. You didnât blame him for wanting to fight it. Not only was his usual routine thrown through a loop with this event but his dad was nowhere to be found, despite the fact that the alphaâs husky voice was filling the sweltering room. Ellisâ curiosity was peaked as he tried to push against the confines of his own mind to understand what was happening, the pup growing increasingly impatient with you as his father remained elusive.Â
Nevertheless, his fight was almost over. Whereas Alba had a solid hour after a feeding before her seemingly endless energy dwindled, Ellis was usually nodding off moments after you took him in your arms. The second he felt the warmth of a kind embrace, he was gone - not unlike his father. It was so bad that oftentimes you had to jolt the pup awake to make sure he ate his fill before he passed back out again. But at that moment, with the festivities still in full swing and yet another ballad coming to a flourishing end, Ellis was growing more and more frustrated as he fought against the incoming fog. You frowned and brushed the chocolate colored curls off of his forehead, trying to lull him back into a meditative state so that he could finish his meal. Â
âCâmon Lis, nobody is going anywhere. Just sleep sweet boy, Iâm here,â you said softly, sighing as the suggestion only roused the stubborn pup even further, âOr donât. Jesus Christ kid, youâre even worse than your papa.âÂ
âThatâs because he gets it from you, not Joel,â Jake sang as he glided towards your table, his eyes glinting with delight as he hovered over his husband to get a look at their youngest, âIsnât that right Mimi? Can you say Auntie is the Queen of stubbornness? Aw, yes she is, yes she is!âÂ
Before you could respond to Jakeâs obnoxious cooing with something snarky, Albaâs shriek cut you off. She suddenly wrenched herself away from your mother, reaching for you as fat globs of tears started to gather on her long lashes. You swore as she blubbered and flopped forward, tugging at your neckline as her patience finally ran out. Simultaneously, as if the two had telepathically timed it, a sharp whine came from the bundle in your arms.Â
Ellis twisted in your grasp, popping off of your breast with his face crumpled in displeasure as he fought against his untrained limbs to flip himself over. You groaned, completely at your wits end as Albaâs cries only grew louder, while her brother started grunting in annoyance at the racket. But then you felt it. The solid heat of his looming presence made all the hairs on the back of your neck stand straight up, while the smell of sandalwood and bergamot wrapped around your nervous system and soothed it in an instant.Â
âAw, câmon now Mr. Man, donât be so tough on your mama. Thatâs some good stuff youâre belly aching about right now,â Joel mumbled as he swooped in, plucking the angry pup from your arms with a grin, âNo more tears beautiful boy, mâhere. Whatâs got you so cross, huh?â
Ellis gurgled angrily in response, throwing his chunky arms around his fatherâs neck and rubbing his face against the green flannel. You grinned as the pup slowly calmed, huffing at Joelâs scent as his wails turned to muted whimpers. So that was what he needed. Not food, but dad. Joel smiled wider and cooed at the pup, whispering sweet words as he gently swayed him to the music. With the eldest twin busy being lulled to sleep, you grabbed the youngest and wrangled her into your arms. Once Alba was settled at your breast, you looked back up at your mate, only to find that his eyes were already shamelessly trained on you.Â
âHi,â you said bashfully, feeling uncharacteristically shy as the broad shouldered man stood over you with nothing but love and pure devotion written all over his face.Â
âHi darling,â Joel grinned, his smile brighter than the sun itself as his eyes bounced between you and the pups, âYâlook real pretty tonight, had me distracted the entire set. The whole time I was up there, all I wanted to do was come over here and tell ya.âÂ
His gaze cut straight through you, making you tremble with excitement as you tried hard to keep it together for the sake of everyone at the table. However, Joel was making it impossible. Just the sight of him looming over you with that cocky smirk while his beefy arms held such precious cargo close to his chest, had you melting into the seat. Everything about him screamed man, caregiver, provider, alpha - from his quiet strength to the way he treated everything with care. In truth, it made you want to give him a boatload more. If anything, just so that you could watch Joel thrive in the role that was so obviously made for him. Â
âIs the shirt new? Sânice. It reallyâŠ,â his tongue darted out to wet his lips as his gaze shamelessly raked up and down your figure, âChrist, it fits ya perfect darling. Are you trying to give me a heart attack or something? Or dâya just want to watch me suffer?âÂ
The tension between you swelled, the longing ping ponging back and forth through the bond until everyone within five feet of you two could probably sense it. Joelâs scent wafted off of his pores in heavy waves, smacking you straight in the face as rivulets of sweat poured down your back. An image popped into your mind. It was of him from a few days earlier, when you had innocently opened up the door to his workshop with a plate of food in hand, only to find him shirtless and grunting as he sawed into a plank of wood. The memory had left you just as breathless as you were now and you were forced to cross your legs to ease the sting.Â
Looking down at the pup attached to your breast, you prayed that Alba would be quick so that you could pass her off to someone else and get your hands on her father. Nevertheless, as parents and semi-respectful members of the community, there were certain social norms that needed to be respected. Which was why you cleared your throat, shaking yourself out of the lust fueled daze to reply to his comment.Â
âUh, right back atcha rockstar, you lookedâŠ,â you stopped, taking a shaky breath to gather yourself before you said, âSo fucking handsome up there baby. I was losing my mind over here.â
âS'that right?âÂ
âMm hm, maybe you can sign my autograph later? Or give me a backstage tour? ,â you teased, unable to stop yourself from cheekily adding, âYou never know hotshot, I could be your new favorite groupie.âÂ
He chuckled and shook his head, âFirst of all honey, youâre always my favorite. There ain't no competition, sâjust you on my list from A to Z. And second, you can have anything you want. All ya gotta do is ask and Iâll give it to ya.â
You grinned, âAnything?â
âGood lord,â your mother mumbled, quickly reminding you of the three other adults at the table.
âAaand, weâll take that as our cue,â Jake concluded, plucking the sleeping infant from Cooper so that the alpha could carefully lift Allie from the booth without waking her, âIt's way past bedtime for the girls, and you two desperately need to get a room. Maybe you should see if Maria and Tommy can take them for a night⊠or a couple⊠just a suggestion.âÂ
âYes, I think youâre right Jacob. Some alone time for these two is definitely needed,â your mother muttered, looking a little green around the gills as she slipped out of the booth behind them, âPerhaps you two should think about taking your leave soon as well before things get⊠Well, you know. Anyways, I best get going. Goodnight!âÂ
Joel cocked an eyebrow at you once they were gone, seemingly just as confused as you were by their collective exit. The two of you werenât that bad, were you? Sure, you and Joel gravitated towards each other but neither of you could really help that. That unbreakable string was tied tight around both of your hearts and it ensured that you would never be apart for long. Every bonded pair was like that⊠right? Or maybe their sudden departure had something to do with the way your scents mingled in the air, growing stronger the longer you stayed in each other's presence. But before you could think too hard about why your scents were overpowering every other smell in the corner of the room, Joel was scooching in beside you, his broad frame taking up nearly the whole bench as he eased his son off his shoulder so he could cradle the sleeping pup properly.Â
âMâsorry I left ya alone with them all night sweetheart. They wanted me to stay on for a few extra songs and after hemming and hawing for so long over whether I should play, I felt bad tellinâ em no,â Joel admitted, a sheepish look on his face as he did.Â
âAll night? Baby, you were only up there for half an hour, and I wasnât alone. My mom was helping me. We were totally fine! Plus, I was the one who told you to do it in the first place,â you assured him.Â
âI know but I could see them getting worked up during those last few songs,â he sighed, shaking his head at the memory as he went on, âAnd there you were, looking up at me all sweet while the twins lost their goddamn minds. I shouldâve jumped off stage the second they started fussinâ baby. Mâso sorry.âÂ
You resisted the urge to roll your eyes. There was a part of you that was slightly worried for the day that the pups started walking, as you were pretty sure that the very first tumble that they had would give the alpha an aneurysm. The twins freaking out was nothing new. After all, they were two eight month olds with aching gums and more attitude than both of their parents combined. However, trying to convince Joel that he didnât need to be racing to their side every time they whimpered was like fighting with the wind. Understanding that, you decided not to press the issue and switched into a more playful tone.Â
âCâmon handsome, look at it this way; I just got serenaded by my very sexy mate in a room full of people that are probably dying to get their hands on him. Believe me baby, there was no stress. I was too busy gloating to notice them crying.â
A flush crept up the side of Joelâs neck, reddening the tips of his ears as he tried to keep a straight face. His eyes darted away for a moment, the compliment overwhelming him like they usually did and you relished in the sight. Even after everything, you still had the power to make the stone-man squirm. To be the woman who brought Joel Miller to his knees made you a force of nature, he had said so himself on multiple occasions, and you longed to make him squirm with your syrupy words all night. He shook his head and gulped, his expression growing softer as he flicked his eyes up at you and then back down to the pup in his arms.Â
âWell, I donât know about all that, but youâre right about one thing,âhe mumbled, refusing to tear his gaze away from Ellisâ face as he said, âThey were all for you⊠the songs I mean. I wouldnât be singinâ em for anyone else, just you honey.âÂ
Words failed you at that moment. Joel continued to stare down at Ellis, who was fast asleep with the corners of his mouth turned up in bliss, but you were too busy staring at the man who held him to watch the pup dream. Although Joel often bemoaned his shoddy communication skills, it was clear that his own nerves blinded him from the truth. Despite his easily reddened cheeks and notoriously gruff voice, Joel Miller was a smooth talker through and through. He was quiet in his affections, but just because he wasnât declaring his love for you from the rooftops, didnât mean that you werenât swept off your feet every time he opened his mouth. And you would have told him so, if a familiar southern twang hadnât overpowered your shaky voice.Â
âHoly shit brother, youâve still got it! Did you hear that crowd?,â Tommy whistled, shaking his head as he drunkenly stumbled into the other side of the booth, âMaria! Shit, whereâd she go?! There she is! You saw him, tell him how fucking good he was!âÂ
Maria chuckled as she followed her wobbly legged mate into the booth, subtly replacing his beer with a tall glass of water before his bleary eyes could notice. She slid the glass over to Joel, mouthing a thank you as he stashed it under the table with a nod.Â
âHeâs right, you were good. I overheard some of them talking about inviting you back again for more shows until they can find someone who can keep up. Sounds like maybe it could be a regular gig if you wanted it to be,â she commented.Â
Joel smiled, but you saw the way his face tightened. It had taken a lot for him to agree to be away from his family, even for such a small time slot before the next band started. Although the twins had officially been out in the world for a little over eight months, the memory of the night they were born still lingered in his mind. It kept him glued to your side at every possible moment or hovering over the twins like he was afraid they might disappear before his very eyes, which was why you had pushed him so hard to dust off his guitar. He needed a hobby, or friends, or both - something to get him out of the house other than work. With him no longer going on patrols, you felt him slowly going stir crazy even though he refused to admit it. However, you also knew that when it came to your mate, baby steps towards change were necessary.Â
âThatâs kind of ya to say, but it ainât exactly the right time. Maybe when the twins are a bit older. Mânot too keen on leaving âem for long while theyâre still in diapers,â Joel said, keeping his tone light despite his clear desire to rebuke the idea as forcefully as he could.Â
A beat passed and you felt him shift in discomfort, withering under the spotlight, and you moved quickly to cut through the tension that was souring his usually mouth watering scent.Â
âAnd I was just getting used to being a groupie,â you sighed dramatically.
He snorted and looked down at you with raised eyebrows, âSâthat right? Well, I suppose I could give you a private show sometime if you're that keen.âÂ
âOkay, thatâs enough you two,â Maria cut in, her disgruntled tone alerting the beta that was half asleep with his forehead pressed into the table.Â
Tommy perked up, his eyes lazy and unfocused as he tried to pinpoint the problem.Â
âWha? Mâsorry, I didnât hear ya honey. I was just restinâ my eyes,â he slurred, the alcohol tugging at his eyelids as his gaze shifted between his wife and brother, âWhatâd I miss?â
âJesus - Nothing, just drink your water,â she sighed, shaking her head at him as he noisily heeded her request, âLook, I think youâve been away from each other for too long and itâs making you both antsy. I mean shit, look around. You two cleared out the whole section.âÂ
âSânot true,â Joel grunted, though the lack of residents still clustered around the booth proved otherwise.Â
The rest of the crowd had slowly flocked towards the bar or the dancefloor, likely trying to get away from the nauseating scent of two revved up fools who didnât have the time or space to do anything about it. A flush crept up the side of Joelâs neck as he realized and your stomach twisted up even further. It was mortifying to admit, but Maria was right.Â
âGo dance it off and leave the pups with us - er⊠Well, with me,â she huffed, shaking her head in amusement as her mate sloppily threw back the rest of his water, âItâs gonna take some time before I can get this one home anyway. Heâs a bit too big for me to lug across town.âÂ
Tommy laid his head back down on the sticky table once his glass was drained, going completely limp in seconds as his mate settled in beside him. You almost said no at first, especially with how wary Joel was of leaving the twinâs sides in public spaces, but something stopped you. Maria was right, this was the perfect moment for you to get the much needed alone time you had been craving. Plus, with a dated stroller parked next to the booth that was perfect for both of the twins to sleep in while their parents had some fun, the offer was too good to pass up on. Joel grimaced at her, clearly less thrilled with the prospect of leaving the pups behind for something as trivial as a dance, but you were quick to cut him off before he could refuse.Â
âYes!,â you practically shouted, surprising the only other two cognitive adults at the table, âI mean⊠If you really wanted to watch them, we wouldnât be against it. It would be nice to have some time away, right Joel? We would love to dance.â
Joel blinked as you stared up at him expectantly, clearly shocked by your insistence. It made you feel a bit guilty, especially when he was so clearly comfortable cradling his son and simply enjoying your presence as the night went on. But in your defence, it had been literally months since he had done anything other than kiss you. The infamous poorly timed heat that had saved your skin just a few months earlier was the last time you had been able to truly have him. Since then, whether it be by circumstance or sheer exhaustion, he had somehow evaded all of your advances.Â
Once Joel had fucked the remaining vestiges of your heat away, draining the last of his rut into you as he locked his knot inside for the millionth time, he had subsequently turned off the tap. At first you understood it, respected it even. The impromptu inquisition for the murder of the two Jackson residents who had kidnapped you on the day of the twinâs birth was stressful and after almost losing his family far too many times to count that year, his desire to keep you all close was completely justified.Â
But after a full six months of nothing but sweet kisses before bed and fleeting touches during the day, you had become monstrous. While Joel went on cheerful as ever, proudly proclaiming to anyone he happened to come across that his kids had just hit their eight month mark, all that milestone reminded you of was the six months you had spent pining after him in silence. And that night, with his delicious scent turning your brain to mush as you tried to innocently rock the pups to sleep, something had to be done before you lost all control.Â
âI donât know if thatâs a good - â
âHe means yes! We would love some alone time, isnât that right handsome? Come on, get up!,â you ordered, manhandling him out of the booth before his mind could catch up.Â
Joel balked as you tucked your breast away and shoved the freshly fed pup at Maria, throwing the burping blanket at her for good measure. She chuckled and waved off your frantic instructions, reminding you that she too was a mother who had been around the block enough times to know how to put a freshly fed pup to sleep. Every fibre of your being was humming with unspent energy and excitement, making you grin like a madwoman as you grabbed Joelâs arm.Â
The situation was perfect. With Maria trapped in the booth until Tommy sobered up enough to walk home, you might actually be able to spend some time alone with your mate. Sure, there wasnât going to be anything too sexy happening at a community event, but the simple luxury of having him hold you while you swayed under the twinkling lights would be enough. There would be no wailing pups, no packed clinics, no endless maintenance requests, just you and Joel taking a moment to enjoy all the cheesiness that came with a Valentineâs day celebration.Â
âSweetheart, shouldnât we -â
âNope!,â you said cheerfully, using his surprise so you could snatch Ellis away from him and carefully place him in the stroller to doze, âTheyâll be fine and if they arenât, weâll be ten feet away. Now câmon! Giddy up cowboy, letâs get a move on!âÂ
Joel grunted as you tore him away from the booth, clumsily stumbling along until you turned to face him in the centre of the dancefloor. He slammed into your front, swearing as he steadied himself by grabbing on to the plushness of your hips. The grin on your face grew wider as you threw your arms around his neck, the proximity already drawing a dreamy sigh from your lips. You waited for him to melt, to take you in his arms and sway with you as he sometimes did at home, but he didnât. Instead he stood ramrod straight, ignoring the hope twinkling in your eyes as you wordlessly begged him to look down at you.Â
âJoel,â you whined, voice cracking under the weight of your own embarrassment.Â
And it was embarrassing, mortifying really, to be the type of woman who pined after a man whose mind was so clearly elsewhere. You swallowed and shakily said his name again, trying not to let your heart break as he still refused to look down. Instead Joel hummed, keeping his gaze trained on the booth no matter how hard you tried to get his attention. Deep seated insecurities rushed to the surface, fears of him losing interest or being repulsed by your changed figure bubbling up from within, but you willed them away. Joel loved you, he was just scared. That earned him grace, not petty accusations or arguments.Â
âLook, I know you want to be back there with them but just give me one dance, okay? Please baby, for me?,â you implored, suddenly terrified that he would pull away for the millionth time in the past few months, âThey arenât the only ones that deserve your attention Joel.â
Joelâs eyes snapped away from the other side of the room in an instant, his heated gaze holding a million sentiments as it roamed over your features. Love, lust, longing, and fear flickered over his weathered face before landing on something that incorporated all four. Passion was the closest thing you could come up with to describe it. His mouth opened and closed, the bond thrumming with energy as all of the too big emotions passed between you. Words failed both of you as he cautiously pulled you closer, pressing his forehead into yours so that his puppy dog eyes were all you could see. You took a deep breath. He might not want to hear what you had to say, but it was now or never.Â
âWeâre parents now, I get that, and I know weâve been through a lot but I miss this. I miss us, donât you? I know things are different and that we have a shit ton of responsibilities, but I canât just be a mom all the time Joel! Iâm your mate too.âÂ
Joel blinked, his mouth opening and closing a few times as he shook his head. It was like he was trying to wipe the statement clean from his brain, as if the ridiculousness of it physically hurt him.Â
âSweet girl, of course I miss you. Not a day goes by that I donât think about ya,â he murmured, his lips brushing against yours as he spoke, âAnd believe me, I know you ainât just a mom. It takes everything in me not to jump ya every time you pull that shirt of yours down. I mean Christ, theyâre so fucking big. Drives me nuts to see them all swollen like that.â
âJoooooel,â you groaned, still preening at the attention despite the twinge of annoyance his subtle deflection left you with, âStop talking about my boobs please, Iâm being serious right now.â
At once Joelâs face grew sombre, guilt flickering over his face before he grew determined again. He pressed a kiss to your cheek, whispering a soft mâsorry honey into your ear before his forehead pressed into yours again.Â
âLook, all Iâm trying to say is that just âcus I ainât trying to start something, doesnât mean that I donât want to. I do, more than anything in the world. I justâŠâ
âI get it,â you whispered, knowing all too well his hesitation, âBut we canât just stop being ourselves because of what happened. Everyone who was after us is gone. We survived but IâŠâ
âBut what?â
âI donât know, maybe itâs different for you. But I donât just want you Joel, I need you. Donât you see that?,â you whined, cheeks burning as you continued, âFor months Iâve been praying that you would break, that you might show me that you feel the same way about me, but - â
You stopped yourself before you could get too emotional.Â
The fear that Joel held like an oath wasn't his fault, nor was your manic obsession with him. It was normal for relationships to go through phases that werenât particularly physical, even if the prospect of being left high and dry for another night nearly killed you. There was something about connecting with him in that way, in wordlessly baring your soul to the man you loved and knowing he would do the same, that was so different than any other form of love. The connection was intense, almost painfully so, and you would shamelessly chase after it for the rest of your life. Still, if he didnât feel the same for whatever reason, you needed to respect that.Â
A sigh slipped through your pursed lips and you looked away. Defeated and embarrassed, you suddenly longed to be anywhere except right in front of him. And it didnât help that the stress of the day was still weighing down on you. The clinic had been swamped, the twins had been cranky, and you had a terrified mate hellbent on treating you like the virgin mother herself. The fire that burned through your abdomen only worsened the situation, as the cramps had made you snappy and restless the whole day. By the time the party was set to begin, you had been close to tears. And as the flames continued to singe your nerve endings while the corners of your vision blurred with tears, a total breakdown was on the horizon.Â
âJesus, do you really think that?,â Joel exclaimed, utterly crestfallen as he pulled back to take in your glossy eyes.Â
You shrugged, shame beating a heavy drum in your chest as you kept your gaze glued to the crowd. This was not how the dance was supposed to go. It was supposed to be fun and romantic, a quick break away from the pups before returning to the regularly scheduled programming, not a public humiliation fueled by your own lust and insecurities. However, with tears dotting your eyes and his rejection twisting your insides, it seemed that the universe was once again having a laugh. All you wanted was to forget about it and go home for the night. Maybe after burying yourself in chores until your muscles ached, you might actually be able to get some rest.Â
âHoney, look at me,â Joel pleaded, grabbing your face to turn it towards him when you refused to meet his eye, âThereâs my girl. Now listen, I donât know what gave you that impression but youâre fucking it fâme. Youâre the smartest, kindest, and fucking sexiest woman I know.â
âJ-Joel, stopâ you sniffled, trying not to dissolve into sobs, âI donât need you to coddle me, and I know youâre only saying that because you have to. I get it, you donât need me like that as often anymore. Itâs o-okay. Iâm probably just tired, Iâll be fi-â
âEnough,â he snapped, any hint of softness gone as he shook your shoulders, âI donât want to hear you ever say that again, do you hear me?âÂ
No noise came out when you tried to speak and you shook your head, reeling from his sudden change in manner. Joel tsked at your lack of response, jaw popping under the stress as he grit his teeth in frustration. If you thought you were embarrassed before, the sight of him enraged by your shameless display of neediness was downright mortifying. However, just when you thought you might melt through the floorboards, his next words nearly knocked you on your ass. Â
âHoney, itâs you that doesnât get it. For fuckâs sake, itâs me thatâs needy. And you donât make it easy on me either.â
âWhat?â
He chuckled, shaking his head at your wide eyes as he said, âYâthink I donât notice ya staring while Iâm tryinâ to get dressed? That I didnât have to flip the goddamn hard-on you gave me this morning into my waistband so I could get to work on time? That I donât have to do that every time youâre near me doing literally fucking anything? Youâre a goddamn siren baby.â
You blinked, shocked into silence by his admission. So Joel had been aware of your plight and he⊠felt the same? For months you had been convinced that he was oblivious to you, or at the very least indifferent. While your mate remained oblivious or uncaring as he went about his day, you had pined for him from afar like a hormonal teen, crestfallen that you couldnât seem to woo him as you used to. It had slowly taken a toll on your self confidence, until you were convinced that the alpha must have simply moved on from his attraction. Of course he loved you, but that didnât mean he wanted to fuck you. Those two things were not necessarily exclusive. And crazy as you were about him, you had elected to swallow the pain that came with neglect.Â
âUm, okay⊠So why havenât you - ?â
A veil of grief passed over Joelâs face, the darkness telling you all you needed to know before he even opened his mouth. While months of motherhood and a new job that you loved had brought you back down to earth, Joel was still lost in the fog of loss and fear. The haunches had never gone down after the birth of the twins, not even after everyone responsible for the events of that night were either rotting outside the walls of Jackson or turned to ash. He couldnât, not because he wasnât interested, but because he was too scared to let go.Â
âBecause they tried to take whatâs mine,â Joel growled, getting taller as he let his instincts take over, âMy pups, my mate, youâre all fucking mine - not theirs. I-I need to keep ya safe and I canât do that if Iâm distracted. Fuck baby, it donât matter how bad I want to be inside ya. I gotta stay focused.â
Those words tickled something inside the back of your brain, drawing out a little voice that reminded you of just how easy it was for your kind to tip the scales when an alpha like Joel was worked up. The heat you craved was there, it just needed to be redirected towards where you needed it most. To provoke him at that moment was unfair, you knew that, but it was too easy not to. Plus, given the way his fingers were bruising your hips as his eyes raked over your figure, you had a feeling he needed a little push.Â
A sugary sweet smile graced your lips, the softness you exuded in harsh contrast to the way Joel was practically breathing fire as he loomed over you. He growled as your hands slid down his abdomen, goosebumps erupting on his forearms as he tried to stay poised. There was a crazed look in his eye when one of your hands landed on his belt buckle, his sense of duty clearly being torn in half as it went to war with his need to provide you with the one thing nobody else could. But the second you pulled his hips flush with yours, a wrecked groan flew out of his mouth and you knew that you had him.Â
âNo oneâs asking you to protect us, weâre not in danger anymore,â you gently chided, smiling at the low whine that he tried to suppress before you said, âAll Iâm asking is that you fuck me every now and then daddy, is that really so hard? I mean, I could always go home right now and deal with it myself. Youâd stay here with the twins, right? Iâm sure it wouldnât take too long.â
The hinge of Joelâs jaw clicked, your teasing unleashing a part of him that had been suppressed for far too long as he imagined you writhing around in bed without him. He furrowed his brow, the heat that radiated off of him making you go warm and fuzzy. A small whine bubbled up from your chest as he pressed his hand into the small of your back, pretending to innocently sway you to the music while he hid his face in your neck.Â
Joel dragged his lips over the pulsepoint, indulging in the sweet scent of his mate for a moment before he sunk his teeth into the mark he had once left. It wasnât enough to break the skin, but it was enough to elicit a pornographic mewl from you as oxytocin flooded your system. There were other people nearby, couples and friends laughing as they spun each other in circles around you, but all you could focus on was the feeling of Joelâs steady hands dragging over your frame as tingles rippled out from your core.Â
âHas daddy been forgetting about ya?,â he drawled, his words sending a shiver down your spine, âShouldâve said something sooner baby, now what are we gonna do? Canât just take ya right here. Nobody gets to see my pretty girl like that, just me.âÂ
âI d-didnât want to make you feel bad,â you stuttered, biting back another moan as he focused his attentions on the sensitive patch of skin where he had sealed the bond, âThought you might - ngh - need some time.â
âAw honey, that ainât right. If you need something, ya gotta tell me. Sâmy job to take care of ya,â he tsked, pulling back to look at you with a wolfish grin, âAnd clearly Iâve been neglecting my duties, so how âbout we do something about that?âÂ
âW-What?,â you squeaked, gasping as he yanked you across the room with all his might,âShit, careful Joel! Where are we going? The band is back that way, I thought we were gonna dance?âÂ
Joel threw a look over his shoulder, ravenous as he licked his lips like he was ready to swallow you whole. He didnât even need to say anything and neither did you. Something inside the both of you preened at the attention of the other, needing to please your mate above all else, and you soon melted under the weight of his stare. It didnât matter where he was taking you, what mattered was that you were finally about to get what you had been dreaming of for weeks.Â
âI think we both know this was never about dancinâ sweetheart.âÂ
With that, Joel dragged you towards the back hallway, only stopping his brisk pace to shield you from passing groups as the space got narrower. He growled and pinned you against the wall as a rowdy group of twenty somethings stumbled past, a low warning sound rumbling in his chest to ward off the perceived threat. Whatever heat was burning through your veins had clearly made its way into his, as you had to forcibly shove his face into your chest to keep him from lunging at the one younger alpha whose gaze lingered for too long. Luckily for him, the music was too loud for any of them to notice the ferocious snarls coming from the alpha with his face pressed in your cleavage, or the soft whimpers that his possessiveness was tearing out of you. Â
âBaby, itâs okay. Theyâre barely old enough to be out of their parentâs house. Those idiot kids arenât going t- ah!,â you gasped as he tore you from the wall and herded you towards the end of the hall, his palm coming down against your backside so hard that you couldn't help but shriek in excitement.Â
âIn here,â Joel barked as he ripped the washroom door open so hard that the entire frame shook from the force of it.Â
A whoosh of air left you as Joel shoved you inside, never once taking his eyes off of you as he flicked the lock and prowled over. The room was dingy to say the least, with the names of past patrons carved into the stalls and a gummy sheen of filth covering the floor, but he didnât seem to notice. The look on Joelâs face as he backed you into the sink was downright feral, his dark eyes undressing you as you shivered and shook like the prey you were. He stopped just inches away from you, breathing like he had just run a marathon, his irises swallowed whole by an all-encompassing sea of black, and you suddenly realized just how wrong you had been.Â
Joel was a man starved, a beaten beast that had been without fresh meat for far too long. His hands shook as he squeezed your hips, thighs, breasts, everywhere that had been missing him dearly, and it wasnât from fear. Hunger thrummed through the bond, forcing a fresh wave of slick to further ruin your jeans, and you quickly put all of your previous insecurities to bed. Joelâs desire had never waned. A fire could erupt, a rogue clicker could land in the center of town, and he would still find a way to fuck you before dealing with it.Â
âSee what you do to me baby,â Joel said huskily, putting one of your hands over the left side of his chest so that you could feel his poor heart hammering against your palm, âNobody has ever driven me this crazy, just you.âÂ
Sweat soaked through the front of Joelâs shirt, his breathing hot and heavy as his eyes stayed glued to your heaving breasts. He looked as insane as you felt, and a wave of sudden recognition washed over you. The lust was the obvious indicator, but as you remembered how the spark from this morning had slowly turned into a blazing forest fire, or how Joelâs need to guard you from unseen threats had nearly doubled in the past week alone, the truth smacked you square in the face. There was only one thing that could have made you both so deranged; a heat that had been calling out to him for days. You swore. The two of you needed to get home, fast, lest every room in the Tipsy Bison be christened in front of the entire community.Â
âOh shit, I think - ngh fuck, Joel - I think we might be going into -â
ââNuff talk,â was all he said before his lips crashed into yours, the kiss ensuring that all further protests would be lost to the wind.Â
The warning floated away as Joel's big hands cradled your face, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles into the hinge of your tightened jaw so that he could slip his tongue inside to tangle with yours. He tasted like the hot chocolate you had shared with him earlier that night, mixed with something delicious and wholeheartedly Joel. Your heart fluttered as one of his hands drifted lower, his thumb playing with the button of your jeans there before he popped it open.Â
Joel whined as his fingers slid through your folds, the realization that you had gone without panties hitting him square in the chest. He nibbled on your bottom lip in retaliation, muffling his groans into your mouth as he sucked your tongue and ripped your jeans off. Before you could whine at the loss, his calloused fingertips were back, drawing circles over your swollen clit, earning a series of swears that bounced off the walls of the small room.Â
Everything about Joel drove you crazy; the way he kissed, the way his fingers teased every sensitive spot in your core, the way his free hand continued to softly cradle your face like he was afraid you might break. It was somehow too much and not enough. Suddenly desperate to feel him, you tore his flannel open, uncaring of the way the buttons scattered across the room, never to be seen again. That was a problem for later. What mattered was the small victory of coasting your hands across his toned pecs, appreciating the strength that his line of work granted him before you greedily squeezed the slight pudge that came from domesticity. He whined while you worshiped every inch of him, letting out a throaty groan as he finally pulled away.Â
âChrist, no panties? Are you trying to fucking kill me?,â he panted as he tore your breasts out of your shirt, cussing under his breath as he rolled your nipples until they were hardened and leaking, âShit, ainât that a pretty sight. So fucking sexy baby, how dâya want it?â
âMake me feel it daddy,â you whined.Â
It was as if a switch had been flipped the second those words came out, like you had just rang the dinner bell for the alpha trapped inside of him. In the blink of an eye Joel had turned you around and bent you over the sink, raining a flurry of heavy smacks down on your ass that had your fingernails scrabbling against the chipped porcelain. The sounds you made were broken and loud, so loud that you had no choice but to bite your clenched fist to keep from crying out into the open air but he wouldnât have it.Â
âNo hiding sweetheart, you wanted this,â Joel snapped as he yanked your head back, meeting your gaze in the smudged mirror, âFor weeks youâve been teasing me, now you want to be quiet? Nah, I donât think so honey. Youâre gonna be a good girl and sing fâme while I stretch this little pussy out.â
A garbled noise rang through the air as Joelâs digits glided through your folds, dipping into your dripping hole before teasing your clit with a featherlight touch. He chuckled as you whined and bucked, cooing at your distress before he pressed two fingers inside. The burn was short lived, the discomfort of being empty for so long greatly outweighed by the slick that poured down his wrist in rivulets and the way your hair was pulled tight in his clenched fist. He fucked his fingers in and out slowly at first, testing the waters as you broke apart beneath him. With your pussy squelching, knees shaking, breath stuttering as his thumb pressed into your clit, you were pathetically already well on your way to a mind breaking orgasm.Â
âMmm, feel that?,â Joel drawled, leaving open mouthed kisses down your spine that had your mind spinning, âFeel how sheâs sucking me in? Poor thing, pussyâs probably been aching real bad fâme huh? Aw honey, donât fuss. Iâll make sure she gets what she deserves.âÂ
With that, Joel ripped his fingers out and slithered down the length of your body, ignoring your protests as he got down on his knees for you amidst the filth. He pushed your feet apart, forcing you to catch yourself on the sink. The mirror fogged under your breath and you flicked your eyes away from the woman in the mirror, too self conscious to look back at her ruined state. Plus, it was much too hard to focus on yourself when Joel was ripping your cheeks apart to admire your bare core. He blew cold air over your winking holes, muttering unintelligible curses to himself as his lips ghosted over the slickened mess.Â
âMâgonna give this pretty pussy a kiss, then mâgonna fuck ya until youâre drooling fâme. Dâya understand?,â Joel checked in, groaning as he took a heady whiff of your soaked core, âFuck, say yes baby and Iâll ruin ya. Gonna make ya scream, gonna let everyone know just how filthy you are fâme.âÂ
âFuck, please daddy, please touch me. I canât - oh!,â you cried out, going cross eyed as he flattened his tongue and dragged it through the mess between your thighs.
Joelâs pace was slow at first, but no less filthy. His tongue slid through your folds, the tip of it twirling over your throbbing clit before he lowered his mouth to tease both of your holes. Not an inch of you was spared, all of the nerve endings coming to life under his attention. He groaned as your hips jumped back, letting you grind against his face unabashedly. You keened when he caught your clit between his teeth, sucking it into his mouth and batting it with his tongue as his hands came up to play with your sensitive nipples.Â
âPlease, please, please,â you chanted, unsure of what it was you were even begging for.Â
But Joel knew what you needed, just as he always did. He secured one hand around your waist, ensuring that you didnât wiggle away as his free hand pinched the leaking buds. Sharp zaps of pain/pleasure skittered down your spine, only adding to the pleasure that pulsed out of your core, but it was the wrecked sounds Joel was making that truly did it for you. A fire raged inside of you, worsened by the way he steadily stoked the flames, but all you could think of was how he looked in that moment. You didnât even have to see him to know. His brow would be pinched, eyes closed in sheer bliss as he lost himself to the taste, and just the thought of it drove you wild.Â
However when Joelâs hold around your waist tightened, his teeth grazing your clit as he slapped your swollen nipples, your fate was sealed. His thick tongue plunged into your cunt and your jaw dropped, praises pouring out of you as he pushed you off the cliff. Bliss flooded your senses, making you lose all sense of self as you came hard. And Joel made you sure you felt everything. Each time you thought it was over, a sharp pinch to your nipple or a moan reverberating into your core would have you flying once more, until you thought you might collapse.Â
âF-Fuck,â you wheezed once he finally pulled away, uncaring of the grubby fingerprints on the mirror as you pressed your sweaty forehead into the glass, âGod, I missed that baby.â
âSâthat right?,â he chuckled, looking like a cat that had just got its cream as he got to his feet and lazily draped himself over your backside, âSuppose itâs a good thing I ainât finished then.â
Joel was burning up, his face reddened and sweat glistening across every inch of bare skin. All of that ooey gooey chocolatey brown in his eyes was long gone, replaced by the haunting pools of black that came with a poorly timed rut. His hair was wild, curls flattened in the front and sticking up in the back. He looked absolutely deranged, completely lost to instincts and lust as he glued his chest to your back.Â
As you examined Joel through the mirror, you swore. The riled up alpha was lost in the fog, dizzily rubbing his slick soaked face into your neck as he moaned and muttered absolute filth into your ear. You couldnât believe it. Usually it was you who was the problem, as you often turned into a horny little beast during a heat. But with Joel whining into your ear as he slid his cock through the mess he had made, you realized that the steady and restrained man you loved was long gone. And despite how dangerous an untamed alpha could be in rut, especially one as territorial as he was, you were thrilled. The omega in you reveled in his fervent devotion, grinning wide as he moaned promises that made your heart sing and pussy gush.Â
âCâmon daddy, donât you want to feel it for yourself?,â you teased, wiggling your hips at him until another round of harsh smacks to your ass had you breaking down again, âF-Fuck! Please, youâve gotta give me something baby. Itâs been too long, I need -â
âHush, Iâve gotcha,â Joel soothed, moving to press the head of his cock into you.Â
However, just as the head popped inside, the tight fit drawing relieved moans from the both of you, a loud knock echoed throughout the room. The two of you stilled, the reality of the situation crashing down upon you as the music from the band and the voices of locals passing by the door suddenly crawled back into your senses. There you were at a community event, tits out and your jeans thrown god knows where, actively bent over a sink while your hormone fueled mate prodded at your entrance with his angrily throbbing cock.Â
âIgnore it,â Joel snapped, too impatient to see what the fuss was as he slid in a couple extra inches, âFuuuck, there she is. So tight, so warm, so fucking wet. She doesnât mind it, huh? She likes it when I stretch her open, doesnât even matter where we are. Shit, sâgood to be home.â
Normally you would have answered him with something snarky, or at least moaned at the pressure his girth was creating, but another round of insistent bangs echoing throughout the room drew you from the moment again. These knocks were louder, making Joel lock up behind you as his fried nerves perceived the unwanted guest as a threat to his vulnerable mate. Fury pinched his brow, a low rumble starting in his chest as he vehemently shook his head at the intrusion. Â
âNo, sâmine, all mine,â Joel grumbled, ignoring your surprised shout as he suddenly spun you around and lifted you up off the ground.Â
âJoel! What the fuck are you d- ohmygod,â you moaned, unable to finish the question as he wrapped your legs around his waist and drove himself to the hilt with one sharp thrust, âD-Door, mmm shit, someone at the - fuck! Daddy pleeease.â
âMine,â he repeated, the word acting as an omen for the animalistic poundings you were about to take in the coming days until his rut petered out, âMy girl, my mate, my omega, my pretty little pussy, sâall mine. Mâgonna show âem honey, they need to know.âÂ
âYouâre - what? What does that even mean?âÂ
Joel didnât respond, at least not in words. Instead he backed you into the flimsy door that separated you from the rest of the living world, digging his teeth into your neck as he pulled you up and then dropped you down onto him hard. Tears sprung from your waterline as his thick cock bullied its way in and out, forcing you to accommodate every inch of him no matter what. It stung a bit, your pussy having gone too long without being stretched against his fat cock, but the pressure was something else entirely. All of the pleasure spots in your pussy lit up like a Christmas tree, making your walls clench tight around him as he slid past your g spot and brushed your cervix on every brutal thrust. He groaned as slick gushed from your core, further ruining the front of his jeans as his pace picked up.Â
The sounds you made were nothing short of carnal, broken whimpers and harsh grunts as Joel slammed into you hard and fast. It was so much and all you could do was take it, pinned against the door as he fucked your pussy into submission. Your fingernails dug into his shoulders and raked down his back, leaving crescent moons and angry red lines for him to smile at later as you tried not to scream.Â
But Joel was on a mission to make a spectacle, angling his hips just right, laving his tongue over the gland on your neck, pinching your clit between his fingers as his cock pounded your dripping pussy. You tried to warn him, tried mumbling about the party and people hearing the two of you, but it only made him fuck you harder. He growled and clamped his teeth down on your gland, chuckling at the high pitched squeal that came out of you as dopamine surged and pushed you even closer. The fire that burned through your veins grew hotter and hotter, until his mouth captured one of your nipples and sucked hard. You shattered around him, screeching his name as slick gushed out of you in short spurts.Â
âThaaatâs it baby, scream fâme,â Joel jeered, his words muffled in your breasts as he sucked and nipped at your leaking tits, âMmm fuck, can feel her trying to suck me in, bet she wants me to fill her up. Shi-it, gonna cum in this pretty pussy, gonna give it to her until it takes - shit ungh - make it so everyone knows sheâs mine.â
The door shuddered as Joel picked up his pace, uncaring of the way you babbled and tore at his scalp as he used you like his own personal fuck toy. His mind was centered on staking his claim, on letting everyone in Jackson know that the omega who ran the clinic could only be broken on his cock, that only he could fill you up until you were undoubtedly his. And much to the dismay of your future self, the thought of it happening had you cumming even harder, sobbing into the open air as another round of boiling hot pleasure made you clamp down around him again and again.Â
âShit, again? Already?,â Joel laughed, earning nothing but a high pitched whine from you in response, âJesus, youâre so fucking sexy baby. Look so pretty cumming on daddyâs cock like that. Bet you wanna do it again huh? Gonna be a good girl fâme? Give me one more and Iâll give it to ya, gonna keep this pussy full of me all night.â
You nodded dizzily, too cockdrunk to refuse any request from the alpha that pummeled your insides with all of his might. Joel had you under his thumb, completely ruined by him as he split you in two. The fire in your gut was not yet sated and he knew it. Each second that he refused to knot you, the flames only burned brighter and brighter, until the intensity threatened to break you. But you were determined to break him first. Which was why you sunk your fingers into his curls and wrenched his head to the side, tears of overstimulation dripping down your face as your teeth sunk into his gland.Â
âFUCK!,â Joel shouted, his bellow probably echoing down the hall as his pace somehow grew even harder and meaner.Â
âF-Fill me up daddy,â you mewled as your tongue laved over the new indents that your canines had left behind, âCum - f-fuck - cum fâme alpha, make me yours.â
With that request, Joel didnât stand a chance. He thrusted up into you once, then twice more, before he thoughtlessly slammed his knot inside. The both of you cried out as hot torrents of cum flooded your cunt, his cock throbbing hard as it reached the deepest parts of you, and you had no choice but to let go again. Pleasure as heavy and thick as molasses pulsed through you, forcing a broken wail out of you as your pussy clenched and unclenched around him, milking him for all he was worth.Â
âUngh fuuuuck. God dammit, I fucking love you. Just like that baby, take it, take it, take it,â Joel moaned wantonly, the sound of his gruff voice enough to force you over that edge all over again.Â
Joel kept you pinned to the flimsy wood as he released inside of you over and over, grinding you both past the point of overstimulation until your tummy was bloated with it. You sighed when he stilled, the cramps that had been ravaging your core soothed by the cum locked inside. After an entire day of feverish need, the pain was finally gone, leaving you utterly boneless as he held you close.Â
âMmm, feels better,â you mumbled groggily, still in a daze as he snuffled at your neck.Â
âSo much better,â Joel mindlessly agreed as he continued to dote on you, pressing sloppy kisses over every inch of free skin until you giggled and squirmed. Â
This was the version of Joel you had needed. Not the devoted father or the chivalrous partner, though both of those men would hold their rightful place in your heart until the day you died, but the alpha that worshiped you in the most unbridled and fervent way. The raw passion that he unleashed upon you when he truly let himself go was intense, so much so that a lesser woman may have broken beneath the weight of it, but not you. Never you.Â
Mates didnât always end up being soul mates, but you and Joel? The two of you were made for each other, anyone with eyes could see that. Something was different about him, you had felt it even in those first few days alone at the cabin. Joelâs presence smoothed all of your jagged edges with his own, like two rocks broken off of the same stone rubbing against each other until all that was gnarled chipped away. In a world filled with such heart ache and horror, what more could anyone ask for? You had spent the majority of your life trying to find a home, aching for a magical place where you might finally be free from the shackles that others had placed upon you, only to find that place in the man currently inside of you.Â
âI love you so fucking much Joel,â you sighed dreamily, swaddled in his care and devotion as he continued to dote upon you, âMore than youâll ever know, more than I can even explain.âÂ
Joel pulled his face out of the crook of your neck, his eyes heavy lidded as he bumped his nose against yours. The rest of the world had fallen away, it was just you and him breathing the same air, locked together in hedonistic bliss. He cupped the side of your face, humming as his thumb brushed over the skin that stretched around the small smile you gave him.Â
âBelieve me baby, I get it. You and the pups? Thatâs my whole world,â Joel said wistfully, the bond simmering with the kind of reverence you had once thought to be a fallacy, âNothing else matters to me honey. The whole world could fall apart all over again but as long as I had you and them, Iâd be just fine. My heart, my life, my fucking everything is yours.â
âHow dare you one up me in the âI love youâ game when I was the one who started it,â you pouted, trying to suppress a grin as he rolled his eyes, âHere I am; pussy split open for you, telling you how I feel, and out of nowhere you pull poetry out of your fucking ass.âÂ
He scoffed and shook his head, unable to keep the pink tinge from crawling up his neck at your words as he said, âStill crass as ever. Youâre a menace darling, from fucking day one.â
âYou love it.â
âI do.âÂ
Joel leaned in then, undoubtedly intending to make your heart flutter for what must have been the millionth time in the past week alone with the sweetest of kisses, but reality came knocking once more. Literally. Except these knocks were unlike the others, quieter but no less insistent, and it made a funny feeling stir beneath your ribs. Something was amiss, you felt it in your bones. In the lust induced rampage you had been on, you had forgotten all about where you were or even worse, the well being of the two souls who depended on their parents to be sane.Â
Fear trickled in from the darkest places of your mind and you stiffened, a seething rage flaring up again as your fever stricken body readied itself for a fight. What if someone had taken the twins? Afterall, if it could happen while they were trying to make their way into the world, it most definitely could happen again. Ellis and Alba were only eight months old. If someone wanted to harm them, they would be completely at their attackerâs mercy. And with Tommy out cold, maybe Maria couldnât fend them off. Sure, she was a skilled fighter but against a group? You had no idea how she would fare. Dread formed a pit in your stomach, a cold sweat breaking out all over you as the worst possible scenarios played out in your mind.Â
A terrifying thought suddenly came to mind; what if Joel was right to worry all along?Â
The muscles in your body tensed and Joel hissed in pain, his knot undoubtedly being strangled by your sudden baring down, but you were too busy readying yourself for war to notice. A sick feeling twisted inside of you as your instincts went into overdrive, made worse by the realization that you could no longer hear the band playing or Jackson residents socializing. Something had happened, something very bad. And with the heat flaring hot inside of you, drawing out your most primal self, you were ready to tear anyoneâs throat out that got in the way of you getting to the twins.Â
âWe need to get to them Joel, theyâre all alone out there,â you said suddenly, pushing at his chest like he wasnât the solid wall of muscle you had fallen for, âThey canât take our pups, the twins need us, we need to go, we need to get to them. What if theyâre crying for us? W-We canât hear them. Oh my god, I canât breathe.âÂ
âWhat the hell? Sweetheart, look at me, you need to calm down. What are you talking about? The twins are fine. We left them with family, remember?,â Joel said incredulously, flabbergasted as you started bucking him in an attempt to get away.Â
But it was no use. Joel was locked inside, his knot still swollen despite your painful attempts to yank it out. He grunted as the bucking tugged harshly on the both of you and acted, making the executive decision to crowd you against the wall so you didnât cause anymore bodily harm to yourself or him. His hand shoved your face into his neck in an attempt to soothe the feral omega scratching and biting at him as she rambled about her babies, but all it did was muffle your growls into his skin.Â
âListen!,â you snapped after a moment of this, still struggling against his hold with all your might, âDo you hear anything out there?! Thereâs no music anymore Joel, somethingâs fucking wrong!âÂ
Joel stilled, going white as a ghost as he realized. Although it was well past midnight, an empty bar before 2am in Jackson was highly unusual, even on nights that werenât meant for celebration. You recalled a particularly rowdy Halloween party just a few months earlier that had sent multiple residents to your doorstep at 4am in search of a doctor, which had led to you spending the early hours of the morning treating burns after Seth had the genius idea to try his hand at flaming shots of absinthe. The bar had still been packed when you schlepped yourself across town in pajamas to open up the clinic that morning, despite sunrise looming on the horizon. Â
âOh no, no, no, no,â Joel muttered, his iron clad grip tightening even more as he came to the same conclusion.Â
You took his face in your hands, making sure to look him directly in the eyes as you said, âListen to me; I donât care how bad it hurts us, you need to pull out. Right. Fucking. Now. We need to go find our pups Joel.â
Joel winced but nodded, taking a shaky breath as he looked down at his cock still nestled inside. It was going to hurt both of you, more than a little bit, and you watched as he warred with himself for a moment. But with the pups on the line there was only one option and he knew it. Joel looked up at you again, his eyes mournful at the thought of hurting you as he waited for confirmation, but you could give him no reprieve. You nodded and he grimaced, sighing before he braced you against the door.Â
But just as your eyes slid closed, jaw clenched and nails digging into his shoulders in preparation for the agonizing process, another knock came. It was soft, just like the one before, but this time it was accompanied by a voice that had your eyes flying open in shock.Â
âI donât mean to interrupt babes but uh,â Jake trailed off and you thumped your head against the door, utterly mortified as he continued, âLook, Maria managed to lure everyone out for sparklers and spiked cider but I donât how much time youâve got left. And girl, based on what I heard - or fucking smelled - when I walked up in here, the two of you need to get home now.â
âHow bad was it?,â you asked nervously, cringing at the telling silence that followed.Â
Another beat passed and Joel swore, clearly just embarrassed as you were as his face turned crimson. You wanted to slap him. It was as if he had conveniently forgotten that it was HIM who had demanded that everyone in town know who was fucking you. As if the matching bite marks, two kids, and home you shared wasnât enough already.Â
âWell⊠If it's any consolation, if I was even somewhat into women I promise that youâd be first on my list. I mean damn bitch, I could fucking hear you the second I walked in,â Jake tried. Â
You snorted, the obtuse sentiment shattering the lingering discomfort until your laughter was bouncing off the walls. Joel balked, first at Jakeâs words, then at your reaction - a common affliction that both of your alphas shared when the two of you were together - before he broke and chuckled at the ridiculousness of it all.Â
âOkay,â you sighed, the danger ebbing away as you came down, âOkay good, so everything is fine right? Where is Alba and El-â
âThe pups are at mine with Coop. They were fast asleep in their stroller when Maria came,â he tsked, and you could practically hear the eyeroll through the door, âThere I was; fast asleep with my husband when the face of Jackson shows up talking about my horny ass best friend causing a god damn scene at the community event that I helped plan.â
âHey! Thatâs not -â
âGirl, use your ears. Yâall cleared out the whole bar,â Jake sassed, silencing your protests in an instant, âAaanywaays, Iâm gonna go watch the front door and make sure nobody comes in, you two lovebirds get yourselves together then slip out the back. Go straight home. Yâall are a mess so do not pass go, do not collect $200, GO HOME. Weâll watch the twins until it's over.â
You sighed, all too aware of the nitty gritty debrief Jake would mandate as a result of this incident. The jokes were probably already concocted, as well as all of the hard hitting questions that would make you squirm. Not that you blamed him, you would have probably done the same.Â
âI owe you one,â you meekly promised, snickering at the cackle that echoed down the hall as the other omega walked away.Â
After how many times Jake had saved your ass over the years, or even the last few months, that sentiment was getting hard to repeat.
âBitch, you owe me twenty by now. Now get home! I expect details later!,â Jake called over his shoulder, his trademark grin evident in the tone of his voice.Â
With Jake gone, you sighed, all of the fear fading away until the only thing left was the dulled heat that simmered below the surface and the man holding you against the door. The pups were safe in the care of their uncles, the world had not come crashing down in the twenty minutes you had spent away from them, all that you needed to worry about was sprinting home before another wave of depravity buried the both of you.Â
âSooooâŠWhat kind of details are you two sharing about us?,â Joel asked, grinning cheekily at you as he wiggled his eyebrows. Â
âNice try babe,â you chuckled, smoothing out the curls that had grown messy from your tugs just moments earlier, âUnfortunately, best friend debriefs are sacred so my lips are sealed. But we only talk about the best and filthiest things, I promise.â
Joel snorted and threw you a look, muttering about the two of you being nuts as he looked down at his semi-deflated knot. It was still a bit snug, but the stress from your hormone induced meltdown had helped reroute the blood elsewhere for the moment. He sighed and carefully slid out, his absence bringing out a spurt of pearly white cum that soaked his lap and dampened the inside of your thighs.Â
âFuuuck, look at all that. Didnât realize I got you so full,â Joel groaned, rubbing the tip of his cock through the mess, gathering the access before he popped it back in, âMmm, yeah, just like that baby. Right where it belongs. Doesnât that feel better?â
That deep and neverending hunger flared once more, threatening to break your resolve, but you muscled it down. Jakeâs words echoed through your mind, reminding you of what would happen if the two of you didnât leave soon. How many people had heard you the first time? Ten? Twenty? The whole town? Or worse, how many unlucky souls had smelled the stench of a mated pair deep in the throes of a heat and rut fueled ecstasy? And in that moment, with your heat in full swing and his rut wiping his usual resolve clean, you knew it would get ten times worse if you stayed.Â
âJoel, stop.â
At once Joelâs teasing halted, his cock withdrawn the second you voiced any objection. His gaze snapped back up as he cupped your face, examining you for any sign of harm and you cooed at his concern. He softened as you kissed his palm, the hackles lowering as your safety was assured.Â
âBaby, take a second and think about this. Sure, itâs been a while, but you just gave the whole town a front row ticket to you fucking the shit out of me. Does that sound like normal Joel Miller behaviour to you?,â you questioned.Â
Joel looked at you in confusion, his hardened cock throbbing against your thigh as he tried to fight through the fog to get to reason, but then recognition flickered behind his eyes. There was no denying it. Although the alpha was known for being kinky and spouting a plethora of filth into your ear as he pounded you into the mattress, he was also dangerously territorial. Having anyone else; alpha, beta, or omega, near the two of you as he took you apart was the last thing that he would do on a normal day.Â
âOh fuck me.â
âYeah,â you chuckled, smiling at his flushed face as you cupped it and said, âI plan to cowboy, but weâve gotta get home first. I donât like it here anymore. I miss our bed, our couch, anything thatâs ours. Sâtoo public here baby. Please, I want to be comfy right now alpha.âÂ
That was all it took. Just one sugary sweet request from his heat stricken omega and Joel bowed, carefully easing you back down to the ground with whispered encouragements. After an awkward process of redressing, with you having to scour the washroom for your pants and him forced to trap his semi-hard cock beneath denim once more, the two of you were ready to go. He checked to make sure the coast was clear, poking his head out the door before he stepped out and motioned for you to follow him further down the hall. You felt a bit like a teen sneaking out for the first time as the two of you crept towards the exit, biting the inside of your cheek to keep the giggles in as he fiddled with the lock Seth had placed on the back door.Â
Jake had warned you to leave quietly, undoubtedly worried about any smokers that might have wandered off or sneaky teens with spiked drinks seeing something that would scar them for life. However, as Joel finally unlatched the back door and eased it open, stepping out into the snow to make sure no crowds were milling about, you couldnât help but rain down hellfire on his cute little but. He yelped as your hand connected with his jean clad ass, the assault causing him to jump nearly two feet in the air, but then he turned. His mouth was in a grim line, the scowl you were so familiar with deepening as he looked at you incredulously.Â
âReally?!,â Joel exclaimed, putting his hands on his hips and cocking his knee as you tried to stop the laughter from pouring out of your mouth.Â
âOh câmon Joel, I was only jok - ah! Shit!,â your words were cut off, interrupted by the alpha marching forward and slinging you over his shoulder like some sort of caveman.Â
âYouâve fucking done it now baby.â
The slap to your ass silenced your protests, drawing out another moan that most likely echoed down the street and graced the ears of the few party goers standing near the edge of the fun. But you couldnât care less, not when Joel was muttering angrily under his breath, promising you a monthâs work of filthy fucking that would leave you walking funny for days afterwards.Â
âFinally,â you sighed, moaning as more spanks were delivered to your ass in response.Â
The next few days were going to be long, filled with the sweetest of torments as you writhed together beneath the sheets and forced each other over the edge again, and again, and again until the need was finally sated. But you were thrilled, made greedy after so long of having been without your mate. And although he would never say it, you knew he was excited for it too, felt it the fervent way he slammed into you and promised he would never go so long without fucking you ever again.Â
The heat had come at the most inopportune of moments but as you laid in bed after days of relentless love making, stuffed to the brim as you listened to Joelâs heart thunder against your ear, you had never been more grateful for the cursed thing. His hands brushed over every inch of you, soothing the nerves he had frayed with countless orgasms over the span of the five days you had spent alone together, and you were at peace again.Â
âI meant what I said you know,â Joel said after a while, his voice cracking from the noises you had pulled out of him earlier that night.Â
âHmmm?,â you hummed, too out of it to remember half of the things he had muttered in your ear since that night at the Bison.Â
Joel gripped your chin, forcing your gaze upwards so that he could look you in the eye. And Christ, was he a pretty sight. There was an ease about him that had returned, brought back to life after months of having his heart chained. The rut, as damned and relentless as it was, had broken it loose again, reminding him of how badly you both needed the connection. Touch starved didnât even begin to cover how the two of you felt in the days leading up to the explosion but in that moment, with you laying across his chest as one of his hands cradled your face and the other coasted over your backside, you were both at peace again.Â
âIâm not gonna forget about us again baby, not ever. We - fuck,â Joel shook his head at himself and tried again, âWe need this, donât we? We need to feel each other, to love each other in every way we can. Mâso sorry I let it go for so long.âÂ
âWe do,â you agreed, tilting your head to capture his lips in a soft kiss before you pulled back and said, âBut we also need to get a calendar so we donât keep losing track of when my heat is coming. As much as I loved you fucking me at the bar, that incident probably shouldnât have a repeat.âÂ
Joel chuckled and gave you a mock salute, âYes maâam, one calendar coming up.âÂ
wait the scent thing is cool đ do you have a list of everyoneâs scents in alone and forsaken? also how did you come up with the babiesâ scents to compliment their parents
The way I think of scents for anything a/b/o is typically everyone has their own distinct fragrance, and their mate should compliment that. By extension, because they are a family, I feel like it would be weird to make the kids be so far off since they literally come from reader and Joel.
That being said, ngl I literally spent waaaay too much time reading the notes of perfumes and colognes to find something that worked for everyone. I also felt like their scents should somehow line up with who they are to a certain extent. To be honest, the hardest one to come up with wasn't even the pups - it was Tommy of all people. Sure, I wrote him more playful in this but he's a deep guy underneath it. Nearly ripped my hair out trying to find something for him but that's why Maria's scent is what it is - makes him sweeter đ«¶
But anywaaaays, here is the list!
Character Scents For Alone and Forsaken:
Reader: peppermint and lavender
Joel: sandalwood and bergamot
Sarah: strawberries and vanilla
Ellie: ginger and cinnamon
Paul: maple đ€ą (even tho I'm Canadian and love syrup, I cannot STAND the smell so that's what this bitch gets)
Cooper: cloves
Jake: citrusÂ
Readers mom: jasmine and apples
Tommy: campfire and coffee
Maria: hazelnut and caramel
Alba: gardenias and grapefruit
Ellis: pine and rosemary
I hope this helps! Thank you for enjoying my work :) And PS, I got this question a couple times but twice they came with fic requests. If that was u, don't worry babes - an update on these two is imminent. I just honestly had to binge my own work to remember where they were at when I left them last.
this took me OUT LMAOOO âAre you going to tell me what this big-ass package is or are you going to keep acting like the villain in some B rated teen movie?â no bc literally, why is peter so freaking weird đđđ does this 60 year old man have nothing better to do đ actually kind of pathetic. I hope joel throws that in his face one day bc a 40 year old man preying on a 20 year old is crazy.
oh believe me, we haven't seen the last of the b rated villian yet đ
holy crap the smut in to break free is so good đđđ soft dom joel is my favorite god this man is so hot. And wow his dick in this story is so big đ€ canât believe tommy had to drive him home when he had a huge cum stain on the front of the his jeans. I need them to say i love you to each other đ« theyâre so close to saying it, i donât know how theyâve held themselves back, i wouldâve said it in the first week of knowing that man heâs just so dreamy lol đđđđ
screaming at this thank uuuu and all in good time! They are head over heels but also have trauma đ€·ââïž
But ur so real for that, I would have said it three chapters ago if I was reader tbh
Hello! currently reading through to break free right now, iâm so excited to see how reader and joelâs relationship evolves in an au without the outbreak. Iâm on the beginning of chapter 2 rn, and i was wondering if there will be any tess drama? đ Given by your last story i think you have an incredible knack for angst (and smut lol) and i think some jealousy or miscommunication between reader and joel from some joel x tess angst would be veryyy interesting lol. Also i canât wait to see joel and reader fall in love, im sure youâre well versed with writing like a soulmate relationship almost from your last story too.
After a steamy morning, you and Joel begin the day with high hopes. The biggest contract that Joel has ever signed is set to start, while you are finally going to be granted a divorce that same afternoon. But when the past comes back to bite you both in the ass, will you be strong enough to overcome it? And more importantly, after you suddenly go missing upon hearing the news, can Joel find you in time to explain?
Warnings: NoOutbreak!Joel Miller/Reader, SMUT - a lot of it, a hint of dom/sub dynamics, soft!Joel, major angst, fear of abandonment, a bit of toxicity from both reader and Joel (but make it kinda hot), Joel needs a hug and so does reader.
A/N:
Hey yall, sorry for being MIA for so long. I'm usually procrastinating enough to update regularly, but I did unfortunately have to lock in for a hot minute. Sparknotes on that is that I graduated, spoke at a crap ton of conferences, got into another (better) grad school, and then started a new job at a museum. But don't worry, we are so back y'all.
This week's chapter is both smutty and dark. There is a bit of toxic behaviour from both of them, most of which clearly stems from trauma, so be careful if you are easily triggered by those types of things. But don't worry, I'm not cruel, I have fed y'all with smut throughout. Enjoy!
Chapter 6/10
Chapter 6: Betrayal
Heat bloomed deep in your core, jolting you awake as pleasure skittered up and down your spine. A slightly disoriented moan resounded throughout the room as your eyelids fluttered open and you squinted, trying hard to understand what was happening. It was early, so early that the sun was still hiding below the treeline and the cicadas had yet to start singing for the day. With the girls tucked safely away in their beds across the street, and Joel likely having long since slipped away to soothe his relentless worries about leaving them alone for too long, the house was quiet. And yet you were wide awake, sweating against the silky sheets as ecstasy flowed through your veins.Â
Was it a dream that had started this? You couldnât remember, but the fact that your unconscious mind had wandered back to him was no surprise. Since the brief stay with the Millers, your life was forever changed. Joel had taken center stage in your life and he used every opportunity he could to get you hooked, forcing you to cum on his cock until you were begging for mercy beneath him or teasing until you were sobbing for more. He had infiltrated your mind, heart, and bed, leaving you no choice but to yearn for him in his absence. However, as a gravelly voice called out from beneath the sheets, you suddenly realized what was happening.Â
âGâmorning sweetheart,â Joel drawled as he pulled away from your core, his wet lips pressing a trail of kisses up and down the inside of your thighs in greeting, âDidnât mean to wake ya, she just looked so pretty all filled up and leaking fâme. Needed a little taste before I go.âÂ
âWh- Joel?,â you breathed, ripping the sheets off to get a good look at the devilishly handsome man between your legs, âF-Fuck, good morning to you too. I uh - I thought you were already gone.â
Joel chuckled and nipped at your hands as you tried to wipe the sweat soaked strands of hair off of his forehead. There was no use in trying to tidy him up. When Joel ate pussy he devoured it, uncaring of anything other than your pleasure as he drowned himself in arousal. If that wasnât enough, he looked like a goddamn siren between your thighs, looking up at you with that lustful gaze and furrowed brow as he took you apart piece by piece. You were hooked. Joel had become a constant in your bed, and you in his. Neither of you could help it. After years of neglect or in his case, a self imposed solitude, you had both become incredibly spoiled.Â
The sex was one thing. Joel was passionate, relentless, and moved through life with an intensity that left you scatterbrained. But it was how he looked at you in those stolen early morning moments that truly took your breath away. It was as if you were the only woman in the world, the only reason for his being despite his propensity for long pauses and brooding looks. That look stilled all of the nerves that were rubbed raw from years of heartbreak, the same ones that begged you to run from the potential pain of letting him in, but there was no running from a man like him. No matter how far you ran, you knew that he would be there, waiting patiently for you to circle back once the string pulled too tight. Neither one of you was going anywhere, which left you no choice but to let him take care of you properly.Â
âS-So,â you started with a teasing lilt, unable to keep the breathiness from your voice as he pecked at your quivering thighs, âInstead of using your free time to sleep in or make some breakfast, you decide to do this instead?âÂ
âThis is my breakfast,â he grumbled, his eyelids growing heavy as he buried his nose into the patch of curls over your mound and breathed in your scent, âFuuuck thatâs good, now shut up and let me enjoy it.â
âOh fuck,â you whimpered, unable to keep your tone commanding as you watched him smother himself between your legs, âW-Wait. Baby, I -ohmygod - Shit, I hate that Iâm gonna say this right now but are you sure? You told me that you canât be late today.âÂ
âI couldnât leave,â Joel admitted, shifting so that he could further spread your pliant limbs, âTried to, but sâtoo hard when Iâve gotta wake up with such a pretty thing wrapped around me every morning. Christ baby, just look at ya. I shouldâve never let ya leave my house.â
Heat flooded your cheeks, a thrill rushing through you as you imagined what life with the Millers would be like. Although you had been thrilled to finally have your own space back, the reality of returning home was way less rewarding than you originally imagined. Afterall, how could you possibly be comfortable lounging in your own bed when you knew just how good it felt to be wrapped up in Joelâs? And clearly he felt the same, as neither of you had spent a single night alone since that first time.Â
âOh, is that so?,â you teased, giving him a sly grin as you ventured, âBecause the last time I checked, you were the one who kept going on about how nice it is that we have a place to fuck as loud as we - shit.â
The cheeky retort slipped from your mind, replaced with burning hot pleasure as Joelâs tongue slid through the mess he had made between your thighs, ending the stroke with a sharp flick to your clit that had you bucking against his hold. A needy whine escaped through your clenched teeth as he leisurely sucked your throbbing clit into his mouth. Hands reached out to grab hold of his curls, unsure of whether they should pull him closer or push him away as he ruthlessly toyed with the bundle of sensitive nerves. He switched between harsh sucks and drawing tight circles with his tongue, making your eyes roll back as you shamelessly called out his name. Joel was on a mission to make you cum. That was much clear when he slipped one, then two fingers inside, searching for a few seconds before he zeroed in on that one spot that made your knees shake as he rubbed at it with abandon.Â
âJoel, Joel, Joel, fuuuuck please,â you groaned as you used his hair to anchor him against your core.Â
Joel answered your nonsensical pleas with a grunt, still suckling at your clit as he slipped in yet another thick digit to join the others. With three of his fingers pumping deep inside of you, working with a precision that you couldnât even begin to fathom, you were well on your way to a powerful orgasm. However, even with his mouth on you and his fingers pistoning deep inside, something was still missing. Despite the fact that he somehow already had you teetering on the edge, making you wonder just how long he had been at it before you woke, you wanted more. Scratch that, you needed more. Â
It didnât matter that Joel had come over the previous night and made you cum three times on his tongue before he fucked you into the mattress, pounding your overstimulated pussy until you were drooling and close to passing out. Nor did it matter that he had only let you sleep for an hour or two before he brought you dinner in bed, waiting patiently until you were properly fed so that he could slip back inside and hold your hand as he dragged you back up that hill again. Joelâs commanding nature, his honeyed words, his devotion to your pleasure were all so addictive, ruining you for anyone else and making you selfish in a way you had never been before. And weirdly enough, you were thankful for the clarity he had given you.Â
If Joel were anyone else, you would have stayed quiet and let him do as he wished, swallowing your own desires for his, unendingly grateful that he at least made you cum. But with him? You couldnât. He was safe, and so committed to his worship over your body that any doubts about voicing your desires were thrown to the wind. So instead of staying silently agreeable, you took a breath and yanked him back from your pulsing need.Â
âHmm? Whas wrong?,â Joel slurred, so pussy drunk that he couldnât stop leaving featherlight kisses over your folds as he waited for your reply, âChrist, youâve got such a sweet fucking pussy darling, tastes like honey. Whyâre you interrupting my breakfast, huh? Sâthe most important meal of the day.âÂ
âJoel,â you keened, the sheer desperation in your voice finally compelling him to lift his head.Â
âAw, too much baby? Sheâs sensitive in the mornings, ain't she?,â he asked with the lower half of his face still shining with arousal.Â
You huffed, lifting yourself up onto your elbows so that you could look down at him. Joelâs hair was askew, his big brown eyes warm and his lips swollen as he began to crawl up the length of your body to meet you. Kisses were left on your hips, across your belly, all over your chest and neck, everywhere until his lips met yours. He hummed into the kiss, the corners of his mouth quirked up as his tongue slipped in and tangled with your own.Â
Longing scraped at the inside of your chest as Joelâs hands began to wander, squeezing every curve they came across as you tasted yourself on him. He palmed your breasts, thumb flicking at your nipples until they were stiff and aching in the open air. His lips twitched into an even bigger grin at the high pitched whimper you let out, his expression turning smug as he pulled away to loom over you with that cocky and ravenous look he reserved for you alone.Â
âTalk to me sweet girl, tell me what she needs.â
âJesus Christ Joel, you're trying to kill me,â you wheezed, trying not to lose your mind as you reached down with shaky hands and gripped the heavy outline poking out from beneath his boxers, âI need you. Please baby, I need you to fuck me so bad it hurts.âÂ
Joel groaned, dropping his face into the crook of your neck as his cock throbbed at the suggestion. You smiled and snuck a hand beneath his waistband, reveling in the gasp he let out as you nibbled on his jaw. His hips stuttered as you leisurely pumped him, spreading the precum pearling at the tip down the length of him to help the glide of your hand. Each stroke was accompanied with a flick of the wrist that made his breath catch, his hips jerking into your hand every time. He was close to breaking, all he needed was a push.Â
âFuck baby, I wasnât gonna uh - I donât know if we have time t-â
âAw câmon handsome, please?,â you pouted, knowing just how to get him going as your hand sped up its movements, âI want to feel you inside me baby. Donât you want to keep me filled up for the rest of the day? Just think, that way I can be all nice and ready for you tonight...â
An agonized moan left Joel, his teeth digging into your shoulder for a moment before he collected himself and looked up. He squinted at the alarm clock, the gears in his head turning for half a second before he whispered fuck it and hiked one of your legs up over his hip. The heavy weight of Joelâs length against your pussy made your mind buzz, causing a fresh wave of slick to pour out as he rutted through your folds. He smirked as the tip of his cock caught on your clit again and again, making you hiss his name as you raced towards the finish line once more.Â
âNeedy little thing, ainât ya?,â Joel chuckled, the tip of his cock prodding at your entrance for one breathless second before he returned to rutting against you, âI was just gonna eat this pretty pussy but nah. That ainât good enough for her, is it? Canât even go a couple hours before sheâs begging fâme to split her open again.âÂ
âPlease,â you whispered, completely gone off him as you writhed against the sheets.Â
Joel cooed, leaving a smattering of sweet kisses all over your face and neck as he sunk inside. You gasped, all of the nerve endings in your core lighting up like a Christmas tree as his thick length bullied its way in. It didnât matter how many times he fucked you, everytime felt like the first. Whether he was tearing you apart in his bed, clamping a hand over your mouth to silence your high pitched wails, or if he was finally reveling in your screams as he ploughed into your pussy elsewhere, the stretch was overwhelming every time. It always towed the line between ecstasy and excruciating, the delicious sting soon giving way to sharp bolts of pleasure that spread from your core all the way to your fingertips.Â
Your head whipped back as Joel pushed past the first bit of resistance he encountered, eyes squeezed shut and mouth wide open as he cleaved you in two. He grunted as you whined and slapped at his shoulders, your brain going numb as you begged him for more, more, more. It was only when a hand came down and slapped your thigh that your eyes snapped open, a guttural cry bouncing off the walls as the pain mixed with pleasure.Â
âEyes on me,â Joel tsked, cooing as you sniffed and nodded at him in response, âThank you sweet girl, so good fâme.â
A bead of sweat rolled down the side of his neck, his restraint clear in his clenched teeth and gentle movements. Joel halted with each gloriously thick inch, being infuriatingly careful despite how soaked you were for him. His dark eyes were heavy on your writhing body, tongue darting out to wet his lips as he watched you try to accommodate his size. No man had ever made made you feel so full, so absolutely fucked out on barely anything, and he knew it.Â
âShit, sâgood,â you moaned as your fingernails dug angry red lines down his back.Â
âYeah? Taking me so well sweetheart. Fuuuck, just look at her dripping all over me. She needed it real bad, huh?,â Joel gritted out as your walls twitched around him, breathing out a sigh of relief as he finally buried himself to the hilt, âTheeeere we go, thatâs my girl.âÂ
A small squeak of his name was all that you could muster in response. Oxygen was trapped in your lungs, burning and unbearable until a cruel slap to your ass made it all come out in a broken cry. Joelâs roughened palm rubbed at the mark he left, soothing the sensitive skin as your sticky arousal soaked the hair on his thighs. It normally would have been embarrassing how wet and needy you were, with your pussy already clenching around him from nothing but the feeling of his weight pressing you into the bed. However, in that moment you couldnât find it in yourself to care.
âOh god,â you whined, trying like hell to keep your head above water, âMove. Please baby, need you to move.â
He grinned, âYes maâam.â
Joel pulled himself into a kneeling position, forcing you to wrap your arms around his neck so you didnât fall backwards. He hauled you up into his lap, making you moan as his cock slid even deeper than before.You were utterly helpless as he wrapped your shaking legs around his waist, his harsh grip leaving finger shaped bruises for you to admire later.Â
âF-Fuck, Joel! What the hell are you doing? I-Iâm too heavy, youâre gonna hurt your b- ah!â
A pornographic mewl flew out of you as Joel began to move you up and down his cock, ignoring your concern for his well being as he speared into you with a force that would have you walking funny for the rest of the day. Each stroke was calculated, designed to make your toes curl and your pussy quiver as he worked you hard. And you could do nothing but take it, completely helpless as he lifted you up and down, over and over, ending each stroke by grinding his pubic bone into your swollen clit. It had you sweating and swearing at him, grabbing at his arms, his shoulders, his increasingly messy hair, anything to keep you from falling into the abyss.Â
âJ-Joel, you c-canât - fuuuuuuck ohmygod -â
âDonât be telling me how to take care of whatâs mine baby,â Joel drawled, ignoring your half assed whines about his back as he continued to use you like his own personal fleshlight, âThis is my pussy, you hear me? And she likes it when Iâm mean to her. Listen, canât you hear her crying fâme?âÂ
Keening at his filthy words, you nodded and tried to focus your bleary eyes on him. Joel was right, your pussy was absolutely gushing, arousal pouring from you in buckets as he buried himself deeper and deeper with each devastating stroke. The air hung heavy with the smell of sex and his woodsy cologne, the proof of your lovemaking clear in the thwap, thwap, thwap of his heavy sack slapping against your ass as he picked up the pace. He was hitting that one spot that only he could find, making your pussy throb every time the tip of his cock rammed against it.Â
Joel nibbled on the shell of your ear, whispering about how good your cunt felt clenching around him as he continued to destroy you. Muddled praises and slurred pleas tumbled from your lips, answered with sharper thrusts and downright animalistic groans from him as he worked you towards your end. He had you under a spell, lost in a daze as your eyes stayed locked on his. In that moment you wanted to fuse your bodies together, to crawl inside of him so that no one would find you ever again, but the right words eluded you.Â
âBaby, baby, pleeease,â you hiccuped, hot tears pouring down your face as he fucked into you even harder than before.Â
Joelâs tongue traveled up the side of your neck, lazily licking up the fresh trail of tears that dripped down from your cheeks as you sniffled and bucked against his harsh hold. A desperate howl bounced off the walls as he nipped at your jaw, causing him to chuckle and pull away so he could meet your heated gaze once more. Unbridled lust darkened those endless pools of brown, his irises nothing more than thin slivers against a sea of black, but there was something else lurking in his eyes as well. It was something gentle - a sharp contrast to his cruel thrusts - and it made your gut twist in the best way possible.Â
âJoelâŠâ
âYeah? Need more? Donât hold back on me now darling, tell me what you need and Iâll give it to ya. Iâll give ya anything you want baby, promise,â he rambled, making your heart flutter as he leaned in and pecked at your bitten lips.Â
âI need you Joel,â you answered, hoping that he would understand the extent of that statement, âPlease baby.âÂ
There was no other way for you to explain it to him. Joel was what you needed more of, always. Having him in any way he would grant you was the only thing you would and had ever needed, you just hadnât known it until meeting him. What you desired most was for him to surround you, to be suffocated by him until there was nothing else running through your mind other than Joel, Joel, Joel, Joel. And like always, he somehow knew exactly what you were asking of him.Â
âOh sweetheart, donât fuss. Iâve gotcha, no more tears,â Joel cooed.Â
Ever so carefully, Joel slipped out, ignoring your whining as he flipped you onto your stomach so that you were lying face down on the bed. You sighed in disappointment and tried to lift your ass for him, presenting yourself to him in a deep arch that you hoped he found tantalizing. Doggystyle wasnât exactly what you had in mind but with Joel, at least you knew it would be good. However, just as you resigned yourself to the hard fucking he seemed intent on giving you, he was easing you back down so that you were lying flat against the sheets. You made an indignant sound, confused as he hovered over your backside and moved the hair off your neck so he could press open mouthed kisses over the pulse point.Â
âBaby, baby, please, I can't - I need -â
âOh believe me sweetheart, I know,â he chuckled, the rich timbre of his voice making you squirm, âNo need to cry baby, mâright here, I gotcha.â
Joel lowered himself so that his chest was glued to your back, creating a wall of heat that soothed your garbled whines in an instant. One of his strong arms wrapped around your neck, while the other reached out and laced his fingers with yours against the pillow by your head. With you trapped beneath the solid weight of him, along with the headlock he had you in, there wasn't an inch of you that wasnât saturated with him. It was perfect.Â
âHowâs this baby? Any better?,â he asked, his lips brushing against your earlobe as he began to feed his girthy cock into your dripping pussy again, âMmm, feel that? Youâre fucking perfect f'me honey. Drenched and so fucking tight - shit - feels like heaven.â
âOhmygod, Jooel.â
Joel felt so much bigger with your legs trapped together. Every inch of his girthy cock was strangled by your silken walls. You could feel every ridge, every vein, every hard throb of his length as he slid all the way home in one never ending thrust. The heat of him pressed against you was stifling, his warm breath tickling your neck as he pinned you to the sheets below.Â
âReady honey?â
âPlease,â you wheezed, trying your hardest to push back against his hold.Â
Joel started out slow, allowing your already soaked cunt to open up for him as his lips drifted over every inch of skin he could reach. It was sweet and just a tad too gentle, leaving you a disgruntled mess as you longed for the intensity you were used to receiving from him. You whined and bucked against his hold, begging him to do something - anything to quell the heat that pulled all the muscles in your core together. Â
âMore,â you moaned, uncaring of how broken you sounded as you mindlessly tried to squirm away.Â
The arm around your neck tightened enough to make your breath stutter and you keened, a fresh wave of arousal drenching the sheets below. But instead of speeding up, you felt him slow and cried out in frustration, close to sobbing as his steady thrusts halted altogether.Â
âWh-No! Donât stop!,â you begged, unable to stop the tears of sheer desperation from dripping down your cheeks.Â
He tsked, âManners honey.âÂ
Another, less dignified sound fell from your mouth, the garbled response getting lost as you felt his teeth scrape against the sensitive patch of skin beneath your ear. Flames licked at the base of your spine, the pleasure mixing with the pain as he bit down. There would be a bite shaped bruise that would need to be hidden before going out in public again but you didnât mind. With Joel nipping at your neck as your clit rubbed against the sheets below, he didnât even have to thrust, you were already so close. He grunted as you continued to squirm but didnât try to stop the movements. Instead he continued the assault on your neck, perfectly happy to keep you pinned as you cried and writhed against him.Â
Joelâs tongue laved over the indent he left and you mewled, pussy clenching and unclenching so hard that your eyes flew open in surprise. You tried to stop it, pilfering through your mind for any image that might block the incoming wave, but it was no use. He shifted behind you, causing the tip of his cock to nudge something so deep that your eyes rolled back, and you were gone.Â
âHoly shit,â Joel remarked, the shock in his voice almost lost under the waves of pleasure that rushed over you, âJesus, youâre so fucking sexy baby. Just couldnât hold it in huh? Thatâs alright sweet girl, cum all over me. Fucking soak me.âÂ
You groaned as the bliss petered off and shoved your face into the pillow, utterly mortified at how pathetic you were. Joel had barely started and you were already spent, filled with embarrassment as you laid boneless beneath him.Â
âFuck, Iâm so sorry Joel,â you sighed, trying to hide your face in the arm around your neck, âI didnât mean to do that, but you were just being so-â
The words died in your throat as Joelâs hips started to move, his pace steadily rising in force and speed as your mouth fell open in shock. He soon took off, hissing your name through his teeth as his pelvis aggressively clapped against your asscheeks.Â
âDonât you ever say sorry for that,â Joel barked, finding a brutal rhythm that had you shaking like a leaf as he said, âThat was so fucking sexy, youâre a goddamn dream honey. So sweet, so pretty, so smart, so perfect fâme. Fuck, this is all for me right? Youâre fucking mine, say it baby.âÂ
âYours, yours, yours,â you babbled, crying out as you felt his teeth sink into your shoulder blade in response.Â
With Joel surrounding you like he was, the arm around your neck ensuring you couldnât wiggle away as he pounded your poor pussy with a renewed vigor, you could already feel yourself nearing another end. The most filthy promises and high pitched praises tumbled from your lips, making his once calculated thrusts grow meaner by the second. Before you knew it, the room was nothing but a cacophony of obscenities and sordid sounds, the both of you moaning nonsense at one another as he pulverized your insides.Â
âFuck, no one has ever - mmf shit - no one has ever fucked me like this. Only you Joel, youâve ruined me. I love it, I love y-,â you bit his forearm, effectively cutting off the passion fueled rambling as his cock slammed into you faster and harder in response.Â
âDâya know how many times a day I think about this baby? About you? Hell, Iâd quit my job right now if I could and spend forever between these beautiful thighs,â Joel said, groaning into your ear as his free hand slipped out of yours and wiggled beneath your body to strum your clit.Â
âOh fuck, yes, yes, yes,â you squeaked, convulsing as he pulled back the hood and drew tight circles over the exposed nub with his calloused thumb.Â
It was all too much. Joelâs cock was slamming into you too fast, too hard, earning high pitched cries and pornographic squelches from you in return. His thumb batted at your swollen clit, showing it no mercy as he dragged you towards oblivion. You could barely breathe, engulfed by his body and the arm that kept you in place as he wrung every bit of ecstasy he could out of your needy cunt. All you could do was sink your teeth into his arm, trying and failing to muffle the lewd noises he was tearing out of you. Â
âOh theeere she is. Câmon baby, I can feel her squeezing me. Let me have it and Iâll pump her full. Cum for me,â he commanded, his pace unrelenting as you began to fall apart, âShit, feel that? Sâlike sheâs tryna milk me dry, you gonna be a good girl and take it? F-Fuck.â
That was all it took and your vision faltered, a guttural cry falling from your lips as you exploded. Joel hissed, locked in place as your cunt clenched and unclenched around him, a ring of white forming around the base of his cock as you released around him. A nonsensical plea escaped you, begging for him to cum inside as your pussy squeezed him tight, and he broke. Â
âShit, mâgonna give it to ya honey. Sâgonna be leaking out of you for days. Gonna keep it all inside fâme baby? Wanna taste us when I get home, mâgonna - Fuck! Take it, take it, take it,â Joel chanted, shoving his face into your neck to muffle his moans.Â
His cock swelled and then jerked inside of you, spraying your insides with hot torrents of cum that would be leaking out of you for the rest of the day. You moaned softly, relishing in the feeling of him filling you up as the last little bit of your orgasm petered off. Joel whined unabashedly, the incredible strength he once possessed seemingly zapped out of him by your pussy as he collapsed on top of you. You didnât mind. His weight was grounding, turning you into a puddle of cock drunk goo as his body covered yours in pressure and heat.Â
Before long, your fingers found their way back into his messy mane and scratched at his scalp, turning him into putty in your hands. It wasnât a fair move, you knew that, but you wanted to keep him all to yourself for just a few more seconds. Why should either of you care about things like arriving at work on time or potentially pissing off coworkers? As far as you were concerned, he was the only other person on the planet.Â
The two of you stayed like that for far too long, dozing together as the sun began to pinken up the sky. You longed for Joel to take Friday off, for him to lay in bed with you until the afternoon and then take you across town for a swim at the waterfall. There had been a few trips there since your first date with him, some with the girls and some not, and it had quickly become one of your favourite spots in Austin. But unfortunately, that morning you found yourself constrained by the harsh grips of reality. The day was set to be much too important for either of you to miss out on it.Â
The papers for one of Miller Contractingâs biggest clients to date had just been signed and the ground was set to be broken before noon. Joel was excited, as well as ridiculously nervous if the amount of home improvement jobs he had crossed off of YOUR checklist were any indicator. There had been multiple times over the past two weeks where you had promised him that you would pay someone else to do it. When that didnât work, you had even offered to pay him for the materials and time, but he wouldnât have any of it. According to him, everyone else was either an idiot or a crook, which meant he obviously had to be the one to fix it. With him practically vibrating with unspent energy as he rushed through your to do list, you sighed and politely backed away.Â
When Joel was in his head about something, you had learned that it was best to let him fuss with whatever task he deemed necessary before you tried to get him to talk about it. In the past week alone he had mowed the lawn, cleaned the gutters, caulked the bathtub, fixed the leaking window in your office, fixed some of the shoddy wiring in the kitchen, and put a fresh layer of paint on the window boxes that held your tulips, all without having to be asked. It was extremely helpful, as well as wildly concerning.Â
However, despite the fact that you would have preferred Joel not to be anxiety ridden when he completed the tasks, you had to admit; having a man turn to acts of service to quell his panic rather than unkindness or dismissal was ridiculously attractive. Afterall, you had your own problems to worry about. Every time you had come home with a pounding headache and a racing heart for the past few weeks, he had already quelled the storm by completing a random task on your to-do list. Calming you with his stress cleaning had clearly not been his intention, but that didnât make the help any less welcome.Â
While Joel was off being contractor-extraordinaire by day and impromptu carpenter/orgasm giver by night, you were stuck running between the library and the courtroom. It left you utterly exhausted by the time you finally dragged yourself home every night, but the finish line was in sight. After much deliberation, and hours of brutally awkward proceedings, the divorce papers would be signed before lunch. If things went as well as the both of you planned them to, there would be plenty of celebrating after work. You just needed to be patient. Still, that didnât mean you were thrilled about letting him leave for the day.Â
âNo, stay,â you whined as he started to shift, reaching back in an attempt to keep him trapped, âI know you have to leave soon, but just stay and hold me for a little bit longer. Please?â
âShh, relax honey. Mânot going anywhere just yet. I would never leave ya like this, you should know that by now,â Joel softly chastised, kissing your outstretched hand before he lifted himself from the tangled sheets, âIâm just getting something to clean ya up first. I wonât be long.â
Yoou flipped over as he left, still reeling from the brutal pounding he had just given you. A dreamy sigh left you as images of the past few weeks flashed through your mind and stirred up the butterflies that had taken permanent residence in your belly. As far as you were concerned, your boyfriend was perfect. Not only was Joel ridiculously good in bed but he was so attuned to you and your moods, like a pyrenees sensing the nearby wolf circling its pasture. Every time you were sure that the sky would fall, he was there - constant and comforting no matter how hard you tried not to need him.Â
Despite how high strung you had been, Joel had been nothing but patient. He was the type of man you would want to weather a storm with, calm and unflinching in the face of the many conflicting emotions that came from going through a much needed divorce. And luckily for him, you were easy to soothe. A few rounds of enthusiastic lovemaking after a good meal and you were usually knocked out cold, locked in a blissfully dreamless sleep before your head even hit the pillow.Â
By the time Joel returned you were already somewhere between sleep and wakefulness, causing you to jump as the cold cloth swiped the first glob of cum from your folds. He mumbled an apology, chuckling as he pecked the leg that had almost kicked him before he continued to clean his mess. When he was done he tossed the cloth into your laundry basket, taking the hand that was held out to him with a grin as he laid down once more.Â
Joel groaned as his back hit the bedsprings, opening his arms so that you could glue yourself to his side. His heart thumped hard against your ear as you laid your head on his chest, his big hands rubbing soothing circles up and down your back as you listened to it slow to a steady rhythm again. A pleased hum left him as you pressed a kiss to his chest in thanks and you smiled, knowing the look he was giving you without even having to turn your head. That look could move mountains and make your heart stop on a dime. It represented the beginnings of something more, the end of heartache, and everything in between. It made your world right again, and you couldnât even tell him.Â
Why? That was a question you found yourself asking more and more, but there was a part of you that knew deep down that you couldnât be the first. After everything Joel had been through with all of the women in his life, he needed to be the one to say it. He needed to have something be his choice for once, even if it was something as simple as saying I love you to a partner first.Â
And you were in the same boat. After everything you had been through, with all the men in your life prior to Joel expecting you to chase them to the ends of the earth for nothing in return, you deserved to hear him say it. You deserved to have someone adore you with no strings attached, to love you without expecting anything in return. It was the only way you would be freed from the belief that all love was strictly transactional. So until that day came, you would wait. Hell, for Joel Miller, youâd wait forever if you had to. He was worth every second of the sweet torment you had to endure while holding your tongue.Â
âFuckâs sake, I wasnât expecting that,â Joel chuckled, making you giggle and peek up at him.Â
His expression was warm, eyes roaming over every inch of exposed skin as you lifted yourself so you could cup one of his cheeks and rub your thumb over the scruff.Â
âMm, what did you think would happen? If you eat my pussy, I'm gonna want you to fuck me baby,â you pointed out.Â
âDuly noted,â he huffed, his expression growing soft as he asked, âWas that alright honey? I uh⊠Well, I know we talked about it before but I still wasnât sure. It felt a bit weird at first.âÂ
You grinned, heart glowing as Joelâs cheeks turned bright red and his gaze darted between you and the ceiling. There had been a conversation about you possibly waking him up to a sloppy blowjob a few weeks back, spurred on by one of the many smutty romances that lined your bookshelves. Without knowing it, he had become your test subject for the things you read about in the particularly steamy chapters, and that time was no different.Â
Being the good sport Joel was, he had enthusiastically agreed, which led to him waking up just as he came down your throat the very next morning. After that incident, you had mentioned offhandedly that you wouldnât mind if he returned the favor. At first he had been unsure, scared to cross the line in any way, but after much discussion his concerns had been put to bed. As far as you were concerned, waking up with his talented mouth on you was like a dream come true.Â
âRelax, I loved it. Youâre so sexy when you get all pleasure dommy like that,â you sighed wistfully, batting your eyelashes up at him as you added, âPromise me that you'll never stop?â
Joel cracked a lopsided grin, âMânot entirely sure what pleasure dommy means, but whatever you say darling.âÂ
âGood,â you chirped, giving him one last kiss before you caught sight of the time and rolled off of him, âUgh, as much as Iâd like you to stay in bed with me all day, you're going to be late if you don't leave soon. Go, I don't want Tommy banging down my door again.âÂ
âJesus, donât remind me.â
That had been a particularly embarrassing moment in your budding relationship. Joel had taken you out for lunch on Monday, wanting to treat you since your period had left you tired and cranky all weekend while he was unable to comfort you from the worksite. It was only after you finished eating that he offhandedly mentioned something about soothing cramps with an orgasm, which had led to the two of you hopping into his truck and racing home in record time.Â
In your mind, it had only been a half hour since you left the restaurant, forty five minutes at most. But in reality, Joel had been wrecking you for nearly two hours before Tommy came looking for him. The fight that resulted from that had been tense, made worse by the fact that your beloved boyfriend still had to shower off the mess so he could return to work, but it was worth the judgy head shake you had gotten from the younger man when you kissed Joel goodbye in the driveway. After the two of you parted ways you had practically floated back to work, your cramps long gone and head still in the clouds as you day dreamed through mountains of paperwork.Â
âAlright, alright, Iâm going,â Joel sighed, groaning in defeat as he pressed a kiss to your hair and then pulled himself up from the bed, âSâfor the best I suppose. Heâll be madder than hell if Iâm late today, probably wouldnât forgive either of us.âÂ
âHeâs your brother, of course he would forgive you,â you yawned, stretching out like a cat as you watched him dress, âBut he probably wouldnât let either of us live it down for a while. So if you donât want to hear the dirty jokes, I suggest you hussle a bit. âÂ
Joel chuckled and shook his head as he pilfered through one of the drawers in your dresser - the same one you had cleaned out specifically for him. The gesture was small but it had made him smile when you presented it to him. Plus, it reminded you that he would return - that he wasnât just a figment of your imagination. Just as the dresses that hung in his closet and the dog eared book you had left on his bedside table likely reminded him of the same.Â
âAlright honey, I should be home around five thirty or six tonight. Any requests for dinner?,â Joel asked as he slipped his belt in through the loops and looked over at you expectantly.Â
âHmm, and what if I wanted to cook tonight?â
âWell, Iâd prefer it if you didnât burn down either of our houses, but go for it if ya must. Whatâs one more project for the company?,â he mused, cackling as a sharp smack landed on his denim covered ass.Â
âAsshole, Iâm not THAT bad of a cook. I was surviving just fine before we got together,â you muttered, shaking your head at his knowing smirk, âWhatever, you jerk. No, I donât have anything in mind. Today is your day babe, get whatever you want. Iâm sure itâll be delicious.âÂ
Joel turned and grabbed your face, staring deep into your eyes with a small grin before he leaned forward and kissed your nose, your forehead, both of your cheeks, everywhere until they finally landed on your lips. A small sigh left your mouth when he pulled away, your pounding heart rattling against your ribcage as your lips mindlessly chased after his. Joel smirked and leaned back in to give you one last peck, looking very pleased with himself as straightened up again. Another, more dreamy sigh slipped out, the kind that screamed that four letter word you had been dodging for weeks. Just one kiss and your insides had turned to goo, your mind empty as he held you in his hands like you were something precious. It wasnât fair. If you had your way, Joel would be chained to you for the rest of the day but unfortunately, the universe had other plans.Â
âDonât say that baby,â he scolded, his chastising tone breaking you from the daze you were in.Â
âHmm? Don't say what?,â you blinked, your mind still muddled from his soft touch and brutal thrusts.Â
âItâs your day too baby. After today, itâll all be over. You wonât have to see him ever again. Thatâs cause for celebration too,â Joel said, cooing at the tears that clouded your vision, âAw, donât cry sweetheart. Itâs almost done, Iâm so proud of you.âÂ
âStop, oh my god,â you whined, crawling to the edge of the bed so that you could pull him into a hug and burrow your tear soaked face into his chest, âYou canât just say sweet shit like that and then leave, you know itâll make me cry you dick.âÂ
Joelâs arms wrapped around you, hugging you tight as you rubbed your tear stained face all over his fresh t-shirt. Not that he seemed to mind, as each time you tried to pull away and apologize for the outburst, he pulled you right back in. He rubbed calming circles into your tense muscles, murmuring sweet words that made your lower lip tremble and your heart ache for him.Â
âCanât help it, youâve been so strong baby. I know that itâs been real hard on ya but today is the last day, mmkay? Weâll celebrate tonight, how does that sound?,â he checked in, getting a sniffle and a nod from you in response.Â
âUgh, god youâre too perfect. Fine, go,â you groaned, placing a hasty kiss to his cheek before you swatted his comforting hands away, âNow get out of here before I start sobbing, you can make me cry some more when I come over later.âÂ
âYes maâam. Iâll make sure itâs in a more sexy way next time,â Joel shot back, chuckling at his own joke as he headed towards the door.Â
âJesus fucking Christ, go to work you menace.âÂ
He ducked the pillow you threw at his head, his laughter echoing down the hall as he made his way towards the staircase. You sighed and laid back, a cheesy grin still plastered across your face as you listened to the tell tale sounds of him making a cup of coffee and pulling on his clunky work boots before he headed towards the front door. There would be a glass of sugary cold brew left cooling in the fridge, sweetened by the syrup Joel had taken it upon himself to hunt down after he found out just how much money you spent on your daily trips to the local cafe. That gift had been enough to turn you into a puddle of grateful tears and yet, he still played it off like it was nothing.Â
âCoffeeâs in the fridge,â Joel called out and like always, he added, âRemember to eat something with it honey, youâll get a headache if ya donât.âÂ
âThanks baby, have a good day. Iâll miss you,â you shouted back, feeling your cheeks heat up as you imagined him standing at the foot of your staircase with what the girls called his signature dad stance - his knee cocked out and his hands on his hips as he turned his good ear towards the sound of your voice.Â
âIâll uh, Iâll miss you too sweet girl. See you tonight,â he said back before he swung the front door open, leaving you with a wide grin as he pulled it shut behind him. Â
A sigh left you as your eyes landed on the alarm clock. There was only about ten minutes left before it would go off for the day, forcing you from the blissful sleep you could already feel creeping up on you. Joel was not going to be at work as early as he wanted to be, but at least he wouldnât be late. His recent tardiness was a tendency that, according to his family, hadnât been an issue before he met you, but you counted it as a win. You tried not to be too smug about it, especially since Joel had a brother who would likely be trapped waiting for him at a worksite, but it was hard not to be. Besides, both the girls and Maria thought it was a good development too.Â
A drawn out groan bounced off the walls as you clicked off the alarm, dragging yourself from bed in hopes that a shower might beat off the drowsiness. You smiled as you passed the traces of Joel throughout your room - the reading glasses on your dresser, the discarded jeans in the hamper, the toothbrush next to yours. All of those things made the devotion, the lust, the love you had for him tangible. Â
As you stepped under the lukewarm spray and washed the layer of sex induced sweat clean, you couldnât stop grinning. The rest of your life was set to start that day. It didnât matter that you had just spent weeks trapped in courtrooms with your ex, or that you had nearly given yourself carpal tunnel trying to clean any trace of the smarmy prick from your house, or that you had cried to Joel far too many times about the things that were brought up in front of a room full of strangers - it was finally over. One quick signature and everything would be finished. You would be free to be with the man you loved without having to worry about the past coming back to bite you in the ass again. Â
As you drifted through your morning routine, you kept your eye on the prize, ignoring the nerves that twisted all of your organs into knots as you put on a nicer than usual dress and a light layer of makeup. The look wasnât for Peter or the lawyers, nor was it even for Joel. It was for you. You wanted to feel powerful when the shackles finally came off, you wanted to smile triumphantly as you finally escaped the black void that was once a marriage, all before spending your first night as a free woman with the man who made your world turn.Â
With your head still in the clouds, you glided into the kitchen and grabbed the protein bar/cold brew combo Joel had left in the fridge. The fact that he had left you the snack made your heart stutter. He had come to know you so damn well, which meant that he had already guessed you were going to lay in bed long enough to be forced to skip breakfast.Â
After locking up, you smiled at the woman reflected in the car window, taking note of the brightness that had returned to her eyes, along with the hickey that had been left under her ear the previous night.Â
âToday is the day,â you said aloud.Â
The woman in the window grinned even wider than before, looking slightly maniacal in her joy as you ducked into your tiny car and pulled out of the driveway. It had been a long time since you had seen that version of yourself and although she had a few more lines of her face, along with a much softer tummy, you were thankful that she had finally returned. It was her that made you straighten your spine, standing tall as you grabbed the coffee that your handsome boyfriend had made you and drove to the lawyerâs office for the last time.Â
- Joel -Â
Joelâs head pounded, his jaw locked so tight that he swore he could feel his teeth creak under the pressure. He wanted to scream and start throwing things, he wanted to cry and quit, but unfortunately for him, he was the goddamn boss. What possible reason could someone like him have for opening his own company? Why would he do that to himself? Those were the questions Joel asked himself every time things went sideways, as they were in that very moment. He tried hard not to snap at his brother, reminding himself that the younger man was only trying to help as he droned on about the obvious.Â
âFucking hell man, if we donât find another supplier by next week, weâll be behind on this project AND the Jameson development,â Tommy sighed, rubbing his temples as he slammed the office phone down onto the receiver.Â
It had been only two hours since Miller Contracting had broken ground on its newest project and somehow things were already fucked. Joel cursed the supply chains that were keeping all of his lumber hostage, along with all of the painful phone calls he had to endure from pissed off investors and bored work crews that were getting paid to sit in their trucks. He groaned and raked his hands through his hair, trying to remind himself that this was just another part of the job - the same job that would pay well enough to send both of his daughters through college and allow him to save a bit for the future he hoped to have with you. With that little reminder, he shook off the dread that formed a pit in his stomach and kicked his ass into high gear.Â
âWe just gotta think outside the box. If we canât get the lumber we need on time from our usual supplier and our backup is gonna take another two weeks, where else could we get it?,â Joel contemplated, wracking his brain for some elusive place that could be the holy grail for construction.
Tommy snapped his fingers, âShit, what about that big ass industrial zone on the other side of town? Thereâs a few factories out that way, I bet theyâve got some wood kicking around.âÂ
âThatâs good. What about the depot in town? They might have some plywood or something. Or maybe that old furniture factory? Might be a long shot, but itâs worth a try,â he murmured, scribbling down a small list that he tossed at his brother, âHere, take one of the guys with you and call me when you have a decent price.âÂ
âWhat, no road trips for the big boss man today?,â Tommy chuckled, snatching the list from him before he swiped the keys to one of the trucks from the hook near the door.Â
He huffed in frustration, âNo, clearly the big boss man needs to stay on site today or else the whole place is gonna fucking explode.â
The bitterness in his tone was evident, as was his piss poor mood. For the first time in over ten years his fingers twitched for a cheap menthol and he had to muscle through the urge to track down the nearest pack. Joel sighed, forcing himself to chug down a fourth cup of coffee to keep himself from ruining his lungs. He thought of you as he pinched the bridge of his nose, letting his mind wander to happier things to keep the incoming migraine at bay.Â
You were probably at the library, still riding that post-divorce high as you smiled through all the book returns and cataloging you had for the day. Joel thought of how you looked at him when he came in to surprise you during lunch, beaming up at him with a smile that could make the sun itself green with envy. He let out a breath, clinging to that image as he let all of his frustration go and turned back towards the younger man.Â
âEverything will be fine, weâll figure it out.â
âWow, who are you and what did you do to my cranky-ass brother?,â Tommy chuckled, returning the middle finger that was thrown up at him, âAlright, alright, Iâll get out of your hair. I guess I shouldnât be too surprised, sheâs turned ya into a big olâ softie.âÂ
Joel scoffed, âFuck off.â
âMâjust yanking your chain, sheâs been good for ya. Too good if you ask me, but as your brother I promise that I wonât tell her that,â the younger man joked, softening up a bit before he added, âPlus, happy is a good look on ya brother. Yâbetter treat her right.âÂ
âI'm tryinâ.âÂ
For the first time in a long time, Joel truly was trying to give someone his all. You had cracked him wide open, causing him to feel things he hadnât felt in ages. Some of those things were excruciating, but the joy he felt - the love he had for you made the pain worth it. Joel had his girls, his brother, his business, and the most beautiful woman in the world sharing a bed with him every night. He had everything he had ever wanted, so why would he sweat the small stuff anymore? The only things that had come to matter to him was watching his girls grow, spending time with his family, and trying his best to make you happy.Â
âAlright well, Iâm gonna take Seth and go see about that lumber. Do you want me to send this next guy in?,â Tommy whistled, his hand still on the doorknob as he peered out the window, âJesus Christ, he looks like heâs got a complaint to file with you or some shit. Buddyâs got a big ass folder on him and everything.â
He groaned, âJesus, what am I? HR? Fine, send him in.â
Joel turned as his brother left, filling his mug with yet another cup of coffee as the undoubtedly cranky foreman stepped in. He balked as he looked up at the clock hanging up on the wall, begrudging himself for choosing to pursue this line of work. It was already almost two in the afternoon and this guyâs crew was probably still kicking rocks as the day passed them by. Squaring his shoulders, Joel set his coffee down and readied himself for another difficult conversation, wishing like hell someone would be kind enough to give him a break.Â
âListen man, I know this is not how either of us wanted the first day to go but Iâve already said that I would pay your crew for the day regardless. Weâve got a plan now and we should be able to get this shit on the road over the-â
Joel stopped in his place, his entire body going rigid as he turned towards the man standing across from him. There was a desk between them, which he was pretty sure was a good thing due to the fact that he was about two seconds from snapping already.Â
âWhat the fuck are you doing here?,â Joel grunted, all of the peace you had blessed him with that morning evaporating in an instant.Â
Peter grinned, âAw, câmon man. That isnât how you greet a former neighbour. Didnât you miss me? I thought we had a good banter going.â
âChrist, youâre a fucking piece of work,â he huffed, rubbing his eyes in annoyance, âLook man, Iâm sure youâre feeling some sort of way since she signed the papers but if you think coming here and starting some shit with me is gonna solve anything - it wonât. She chose to divorce you, itâs done. Letâs just all be grown ups and move the fuck on.âÂ
Joel mentally patted himself on the back. Just a few months ago he would have already knocked your ex husband out cold, just as he had done to your shitty date, but not anymore. It wasnât worth it. Peter was going to go back to Miami without you, and Joel? Well, he was the man that was lucky enough to be allowed to follow you around like a lost puppy dog. Peter was nothing more than a blip in the memory, someone to be forgotten about as you moved on with your life. There was really nothing more to be said.Â
âOh this is me moving on cowpoke, donât you worry.â
Through wary eyes, Joel watched as Peter held out a thick orange envelope, waving it under his nose before it landed on his desk with a heavy smack. He looked down at the package, trying to figure out what kind of scheme he had just fallen into, but came up with nothing.Â
âDonât worry, she already has copies of everything in here. Call it a housewarming gift for her and her new beau,â Peter chortled, tapping one of his leathery hands against the manila, âGood luck getting out of this one papa bear, Iâm sure thatâll be a fun conversation.âÂ
He blinked, âPapa bear? What the fuck are you going on about? Sheâs not preg-â
Joel went cold as he realized what Peter was referring to, his entire body tensing up as his fight or flight kicked in. It wasnât some secret child of yours he was talking about. Given the IUD he knew you had, that would be nearly impossible. It was the little girl Joel had inherited from his late best friend that Peter was referring to, the same one who he had lied to for years. Before he even had a chance to think about it, he marched forward and grabbed Peter by the lapels of his sports coat, slamming him against the wall of the portable so hard that it shuddered from the force.Â
âWhat the fuck did you do?âÂ
âYou know, people in this town really love to talk. I heard so many great things about the famous Joel Miller - the once local rockstar, turned single dad and successful business owner - and I just had to know more. But the thing is,â he grinned, âWhen you have my kind of money, you can pay someone else to dig up things for you. Itâs how I found out about your little bundle of joy.âÂ
Every bad thing Joel had ever done, every secret he had ever kept, was all out in the open. Whether he liked it or not, you now knew everything about him and his darkest sin. It felt like the world had ended, like his heart was already readying itself for the inevitable break it was about to suffer. He was in love with you and now he would never be able to say it. What good would such a confession do when you had probably already made up your mind about him? His stomach roiled as he dropped Peter back down to his feet. To have you and then to lose you⊠It was a fate worse than death itself.Â
âWhat have you done?,â Joel asked in horror, the lining of his stomach turning sour as he imagined you asking for the pretty dresses that hung in his closet back.Â
âBe thankful,â Peter sighed, brushing the dust off his lapel before he turned back towards the door and said, âShe wasnât even a part of the original plan. I was all set and ready to tell the girl herself but apparently the high school is already done for the year. Go figure.â
In an instant Joelâs vision went red, all the alarm bells in his head going off as he took two big steps forward and slammed his knee as hard as he could into your exâs crotch. A sharp hiss broke through Peterâs thin lips, followed by a groan as a fist connected with his face. The older man dropped in an instant, blood gushing from his nose as Joel crouched over him and wrapped a hand around his neck.Â
âIf you ever go near one of my kids,â Joel slammed his fist into the manâs face again, âI will fucking kill you, do you understand me? Shit, if you even THINK about going near either of them, I promise you that it will be your last day on this earth. Do. Not. Fuck. With. Me.â
Joel let him go, suddenly sickened by the sight of the bleeding man on his floor. He didnât even check to see if Peter was still conscious as he left the office, his bruised knuckles dripping blood onto the warm dirt as he hurried towards his truck. White noise played in his brain, shrouding everything in its monotonous melody as he hopped in and sped towards the library. His chest ached as his heart pounded against its walls, panic smoothing out the edges of his brain as he raced towards the woman he had held in his arms that very morning.Â
 The only thing Joel knew for sure was that he needed to get to you. Maybe then you would give him a chance to explain. His foot slammed down on the gas a little harder, tires screeching as he tried to catch up to the future that he felt slipping away from him.Â
-You-Â
A million dollar smile graced your lips as you shook hands with your lawyer, still glowing from the moment that the judge agreed to grant the divorce. All of the cars, the flashy apartment, the trust funds, were his. Meanwhile you got to keep the home you had made for yourself in Austin and the tiny car parked out back, along with half of the funds in the only shared bank account you had with him. You tried not to be too smug about that, especially since you knew for a fact that most of the ridiculous amount of money in it was not yours to take, but you took comfort in knowing that it was him - not you - who had started this war. And after being evicted from your home for over two weeks, you decided that youâd happily take it as a form of compensation.Â
With a beaming smile, you practically skipped towards your car, debating on taking the rest of the day off so that you could celebrate properly. Dreams of a bubble bath and some greatly needed TLC floated through your mind. Perhaps if you had enough time, youâd even get a chance to wear something extra special for Joel under your dress that night. There was one particular set that you had yet to show him, having secretly ordered it online while he was still at work, but you knew he would love it. After all, it was in his favorite colour. Excitement bubbled up inside of you and you picked up the pace, practically buzzing as you unlocked your car.Â
âDonât be so smug Duck, it's not a good look on you.â
You sighed and let your shoulders drop, already exhausted as you heard Peter saunter over.Â
âFuck me,â you groaned as you turned towards him, âCanât you let anything go? We literally just got a divorce, I think that means I donât have to listen to your bullshit anymore. Jesus Christ, why donât you just go back home and lurk around the university? Go find your next wife.âÂ
âClever,â he granted before shoving a manila envelope at you, waving it in your face until you snatched it from him, âBut as usual, not clever enough.âÂ
âAre you going to tell me what this big-ass package is or are you going to keep acting like the villain in some B rated teen movie?,â you sassed, rolling your eyes at his performance.Â
Peter stepped forward and you slinked back, not willing to grant him any more space in your life than you already had. Just the thought of being anywhere near him at that moment made you sick to your stomach and you suddenly longed for the scary boyfriend privileges Joelâs presence usually granted you.Â
âIt seems that Mr. Miller has been sitting on some pretty big secrets. Luckily for you duck, Iâve had more than enough time to look into him for you. Isnât it crazy how easy it was for my guy to get a hold of the adoption papers?,â Peter clicked his tongue, âSeems a bit too easy if you ask me.âÂ
âI already know that Ellie is adopted you dumbass, anyone with eyes can see that.âÂ
Although there was undeniable resemblance in the way they spoke, the movies they both liked, and even their signature sass - you werenât wrong. Ellieâs features were someone elseâs. Not that it mattered in the slightest, you knew that your boyfriend loved both of his daughters equally.Â
âOh sure, the whole town knows how brave Joel was for taking on a lost infant when he had his own to worry about. But the thing is, I wonder if theyâd feel the same if they knew who her real mom is,â Peter fake gasped, his eyes cold and beady on yours as he added, âI mean, I suppose it makes sense he would take his best friendâs child, but after their past?âÂ
Silence fell between you, the distant sounds of traffic filling the space as you stared back at Peter with a blank expression. He didnât say anything else and he didnât have to. The problem with being married to someone for eight years, regardless of how it ended, was that both parties still knew when the other was lying. That ability didn't just disappear because the gavel had been brought down. How had Peter found out? - You had no sweet clue, but you knew that he was telling the truth.Â
âI know you must be wondering -â
âGo.âÂ
Peterâs eyes widened, the shock he felt towards your abruptness evident as you unlocked your car and threw the envelope into the passenger seat. He stumbled back as you whipped the driverâs side door open, gasping when you slapped the hand that tried to grab your wrist.Â
âI-I just thought that, I mean as your husband itâs my duty to make sure you hear the truth.â
âNo,â you spat, trying hard not to hiss at him like a cat as you placed both hands on his chest and pushed him back, âThatâs not why you gave me this and you know it.â
âYes it is! I-I-Iâ
âY-Y-You what? You were protecting me? Ha!,â you cackled, chest heaving as you stalked towards him, âThis isnât about me, is it? This is about you! You canât stand seeing me happy because you are a miserable prick, thatâs what this is about.â
Peter shrunk under your glare, getting more pathetic by the second as his eyes darted away from you. Every fear you had once possessed about him and his vicious words were long gone, replaced with nothing but loathing.Â
âWhat I decide to do with this information, or my life for that matter, is none of your fucking business anymore Peter,â you held a hand up to stop his rebuttal, âNo, look at me. This is done, we are done. So, kindly get your shit and fuck off. Iâm not wasting another second of my life on your pathetic ass.âÂ
Without another word, you slipped into your car, ignoring the shocked look on Peterâs face as you pulled out of the parking space and drove away. Tears dotted your waterline as you sped off, a painful lump forming in your throat that you tried to ignore. The term embarrassment didnât even begin to cover what you were feeling. You felt like a fool.Â
Joel had lied to you and apparently, every other person in his life as well. A million questions flowed through your frazzled mind. Were you wrong not to see a resemblance? Was Ellie actually his biological daughter? If so, why the hell would he lie and say she was found at a worksite? Did Tommy know? Or better yet, did Willa? Your mind reeled as you slowed to a stop, changing directions as you reached into your purse for your cell phone.Â
There was no way you were going to make it to work that day, not with how discombobulated you felt. And with how close Joel lived, along with the fact that he literally had the spare key to your home, you knew that you couldnât go home either. What you needed was solace and you knew exactly where to find it.Â
-Joel-Â
âJesus Christ Joel, calm the fuck down. You donât know that yet,â Tommy groaned, trying and failing to get him to stop stalking around the first floor of his house like some kind of caged animal.
It had been hours since Peter showed up unannounced at the jobsite and Joel was close to having a heart attack. The panic had faded away hours ago, replaced with the type of all encompassing dread that made his shoulders droop and his eyes go misty as he tore at his hair. Everything was ruined and he had nobody to blame but himself. Peter had been the one to tell you, not Joel. To hear it from Joel would have been hard, especially with all of the lies you had been served by others in the past, but he was pretty sure you would have been understanding if he got the chance to explain. But to hear it from Peter instead? Joel couldnât even begin to imagine the betrayal you were probably feeling. His stomach roiled at the thought of it. He felt like absolute shit and if he was being honest with himself, he knew that he deserved it.Â
âSheâs fucking gone. Why else would she not answer my calls? Or skip out on work? Or fuck, how about the fact that itâs nearly seven oâclock at night and she still ainât home yet? She's usually back by four! Does that sound fucking normal to you?,â Joel snapped.Â
âNo, but maybe sheâs just cooling off. I mean, I donât know what you couldâve done but if it ainât cheating,â Tommy cringed, holding his hands up at the sharp look sent his way, âOr if it ainât anything like cheating, Iâm sure sheâll forgive you. I mean Christ, the two of you are head over heels for each other. One lie isnât gonna change that.âÂ
âYou donât know that,â he sulked, swallowing back the howls of agony that were clawing at the inside of his throat.Â
The first place Joel had looked for you that day was the library, and although he was surprised to find that you had called out, he hadnât panicked. Figuring that you were likely still too upset to return, he backtracked towards your house, only to find that the place had been empty for hours. After checking in at all of your usual spots - the bookstore, the cafe, the plant store, he came to the conclusion that the worst had come to pass, that you had left him. Your absence, mixed with the fact that you were dodging all of his calls, only confirmed his suspicions. Good, he thought to himself, it was what he deserved.Â
âLook man, I know you probably donât want to hear this, but you need to relax. You are in love with that woman and regardless of the fact that youâre too stupid to realize it, she loves you too. Whatever this is, the two of you will work it the fuck out. Just give it some time, there ainât no use in worrying until you know for sure,â Tommy tried.Â
Joel sighed and took a seat on the couch, shaking his head as he buried his face into his hands. He had been in motion for so long that the second his ass touched the cushion he felt all of his remaining strength drift away. It started slow at first, his throat growing thick and his eyes blinking away drops of moisture, but no matter how hard he tried he couldnât stop the inevitable. For the first time in a very long time, Joel Miller wept, shattering into a million pieces as his life faded back to its usual grey. It was all so cruel - to have all of the colours in his life return, to get a taste of the other side, to know what it means to be completely enraptured by someone - just to have it all ripped away by a decision he made over a decade ago.Â
Joel wished he could do something stupid like drink until he passed out or drown himself in the backyard, but he couldnât. He was a parent above all else, which meant that even when he was on the verge of a breakdown he still had two lives that were his responsibility. He could only break so much, and only if he knew that they wouldnât be troubled by it. Â
âWhere are the girls?,â Joel croaked after he caught his breath, trying to get ahold of himself in hopes that he might finally be allowed to wallow in peace, âAre they back yet? Donât want âem seeing me like this.â
Tommy waved him off, âMaria is taking them for a girlâs night. Movies, dinner, sleepover - the whole works. Yâdonât need to be worrying about them right now, worry about yourself.â
âI - ⊠Thank you.âÂ
Joel sighed and looked out the window, longing to see the tail lights of your clunker as it turned into your driveway. He didnât even care if you screamed at him or worse, if you ignored him altogether. All he wanted was to know that you were safe, not drinking your heartache away in some sketchy bar full of creeps, or lying dead in a ditch because you were so upset that you went off the road.Â
âIâm scared,â Joel admitted softly, mainly to himself.
âI know.âÂ
Neither of them said anything after that, sitting there in silence as the sky turned orange, then pink, then grew dark with the oncoming night. Tommy left a little after nine thirty, giving him a reassuring pat on the back and a sorrowful expression before he hurried back home to the woman who loved him, but Joel remained glued to his spot. His eyes were trained on your driveway for so long, willing you to return home, that he thought he was hallucinating when your car finally did rumble down the street. He slowly got up as you turned into the driveway, heart pounding and dread curdling the contents of his stomach as he started towards the door.Â
Joelâs hand stilled on the doorknob as he steadied his breath, readying himself for the worst case scenario. It didnât matter if it was bad, he tried to convince himself, bad was better than not knowing at all. Plus, even if you hated him, even if you never wanted to speak to him again, you deserved to hear the truth. He took one last breath, trying like hell to prepare for his biggest heartbreak yet as he pushed the door open and made his way over to you.Â
-You-Â
The once bubblegum tinted sky turned inky black without you even noticing it. Hours had passed with you sitting in the same position, the stack of papers in your lap long since forgotten as you stared out at the rushing waters. This space was supposed to be Joelâs, not yours, but it was the only place you could think of where nobody would think to look for you. And it was always so peaceful, so unbearably beautiful despite the fact that you were currently pissed at the person who had first introduced you to it. Or were you? In truth, you had no idea how you were supposed to feel.Â
Upon further inspection of the documents, you learned that Ellie was in fact, not Joelâs biological daughter. Despite Tess being her mother, her bio-dad was clearly either unknown or unimportant because he was seemingly absent from everything. With the timeline of Joel and Tessâ relationship not lining up with Ellieâs birthday, you realized that he had at least told the truth about one thing. But as for the rest? You couldnât make any sense of any of it . Why would Joel take Ellie to begin with? Especially with Sarah being so young and Willa being more than capable of taking her granddaughter. Why did he lie about her origins? And more importantly, was there anything else he was hiding from you? Your heart wanted to believe that this was it, that Joel had likely hidden this from you to protect his baby girl from the tragedy of her origins, but it didnât make any sense.Â
âShit,â you said when you realized how dark it had become, deciding it was well past time you returned back to civilization.Â
The walk back to the car was a lot harder than the walk in, with your arms and legs getting nicked on seemingly every branch you passed, but you were too out of it to care. Lies had plagued your marriage with Peter, along with many other small forms of torture. But the thought of Joel Miller, your sweet and caring boyfriend, lying to you for weeks on end had you reeling. The why kept running through your mind over and over, leaving you numb as you slid into the car and puttered off the ranch.Â
On the drive home you took your time, passing by all of the busiest places in town so that you could stare blankly at the happy faces. A group of twenty somethings clinked sweaty coronas from an ice bucket on a patio, cheers-ing to something or someone as you drove by. Two middle aged women were arguing in front of the bookstore, the dog attached to the taller one sitting awkwardly off to the side as he waited for his owner to keep walking him. An elderly couple sat on the park bench, mooning at each other despite the wrinkles that covered every inch of their faces. You stared at them, the hole in your chest widening with every second that passed until it felt like your lungs might collapse under the pressure. Then a car behind you honked, thrusting you back into reality, and you left them behind.Â
Joel had done something wrong by lying, he had hurt you greatly and made you mistrust him. But for whatever reason, he was also the only person you wanted to see at that moment. It made you hate and love him all the more. You wanted to hurl insults at him for lying, to beat at his chest with your clenched fists as you screamed bloody murder, but you also wanted to be held by him until the hurt went away. It was illogical, pure madness in the face of betrayal, but it compelled you to seek him out despite the heartache.Â
âAsshole,â you sniffed, furious with him for making you need him as you wiped your eyes and changed directions once more.Â
Joel would be waiting for you, as he always did if he was the one who got off work first. You briefly wondered if he would be just as angry. Afterall, you had promised to spend the night celebrating. Not that it mattered much. Even if he had gone to bed angry, he had given you the spare key. Perhaps breaking into your boyfriendâs house for a heated conversation was a bad idea, but your brain was too fried to give a fuck. What you needed was answers from him and you werenât going to be leaving until you got them. Or at least, thatâs what you told yourself as you hopped out of the car. However, you only made it a few feet before you were halted by the sight of the man in question standing in the middle of the street.Â
Joel was frozen mid step, the terror and desperation on his face clear as his gaze met yours. It wasnât lost on you how horrible he looked, with his eyes red rimmed and puffy from crying. His curls stuck up in every direction like they always did when he was stressed, making it look like he had suffered an electrical shock. Tears dripped down your cheeks as you stared at each other in silence - the pain, fear, and shame weighing the both of you down as the seconds ticked by.Â
âBaby, please,â Joel whispered, his desperation clinging to every syllable.Â
Before Joel had even finished saying it, you were already speed walking over to him, dissolving into choked sobs as you threw yourself into his arms. He gasped as you slammed into him, taking a few steps back to steady himself before he ripped you from the pavement and wrapped your legs around his waist. The pained noises you made were that of a wounded animal, your stuttered cries muffled into his neck as he hugged you so tight that your ribs ached.Â
âI know, I know, Iâm so sorry honey. I canât even begin to-âÂ
You didnât even look at Joel as you slapped a hand over his mouth, effectively silencing his apology as you continued to cry into his neck. There would be time for apologies but in that moment, you were too agitated to hear it. He grunted but silenced himself, sighing in contempt of your dismissal and it enraged you all over again. How dare he be snippy about a simple request, especially after the hell he had put you through.Â
âYou lied to me,â you hissed as the fire took over, every bit of resentment coming back to the surface as you leaned back in his hold to look at him, âAnd not just me, you lied to literally every fucking person that cares about you Joel.â
âI know.âÂ
âYou know?!,â you squawked, a bitter laugh echoing throughout the empty street, âOh, well thatâs great to hear. Are you fucking serious? Thatâs all you have to say?â
âNo I -â
Joel grunted as you pushed against his strong grip, wiggling until he was forced to bring you back down to the pavement once more. Smoke was practically pouring from your ears as you stood before him, your fists bunched and jaw clenched in the face of the man you were somehow still madly in love with. He took a step back as you practically vibrated with rage, likely trying to leave a respectful amount of space between the two of you for the argument that was clearly about to take place, but you werenât having it.Â
âDo you know how fucking hard it was for me to trust you?,â you seethed as you weakly pushed at his chest, âAnd not only do you keep this from me, but I have to hear it from Peter of all people? What the hell am I supposed to do with this Joel?âÂ
Joelâs face dropped, his obvious guilt making your resolve falter, but you quickly shook yourself out of it. He had lied and you had enough experience with liars to know that where there was one, there were millions more. Plus, it didnât help that his lie had involved his stunning ex-girlfriend/ex-best friend. That small detail was enough to stir up over a decadeâs worth of insecurities. In truth, you werenât sure whether you wanted to scream at him or push him off a cliff.Â
âIf she had come from anyone else, you would have fucking told me,â you stated, holding your hand up at his rebuttal before he could make it, âDonât bullshit me, I know that you hid this from me because it was Tess. So thank you for proving my original assumption. Glad to know that itâs her youâd move mountains for, not me.âÂ
âWhat the fuck?,â Joel balked as he grabbed your wrists, wrangling them into a tight hold to halt the next incoming shove, âAre you fucking kidding me? Jesus, how many times do I have to tell you? I wasnât in love with her, she was my best fucking friend! What am I supposed to do? Forget all about her?!â
A manic burst of laughter came from you as Joelâs face twisted up in annoyance. He was missing the point, or maybe you were. Either way, the energy between you had shifted, turning volatile and charged with a ferocity that you had never felt before. The two of you had chartered into dangerous territory and you tried hard to wrangle in the seething fury that simmered beneath the surface. Even after everything, you still wanted to come out the other side of this with the man you loved, which meant you needed to tread carefully.Â
âI would never ask you to do that,â you said as gently as you could, all too aware of the tightrope you were walking, âAll I have asked from the very beginning was that you tell me the truth about everything and I thought that you had. I trusted that you had. You took advantage of that trust.â
Joel stepped into your space, towering over you with a hardened expression that made your knees tremble. For the briefest moment you saw what others did - a formidable man who could vanquish his enemies with a single glare. His spine was ramrod straight, his jaw locked so tightly that you could hear his teeth grinding together like nails on a chalkboard. You matched his stance, refusing to back down despite the clear warning signs he was putting up.Â
âYouâve got no fucking idea what youâre talking about,â Joel said, any hint of the sweet man you had come to love long gone as he continued, âAnd I know that youâve got trust issues because of that jackass you married, but donât be putting all that shit on me. Grow the fuck up.â
âOh, Iâm the one that needs to grow up?,â you laughed, so aggravated by his flagrant disregard that you took the bait, âFine, whatever Joel. Iâm going home. When you decide to take your ex-girlfriend's cock out of your mouth and tell the truth, you can come find me. Until then, Iâm done.âÂ
Joelâs mouth dropped open, his face turning bright red as your rage hit him square in the chest. He had never seen this side of you before but it had existed for a long time, forged through years of living in survival mode. Not many people had felt the heat of your scorn, but those that had were always left reeling in its wake. It was a greedy, resentful, despicable thing and usually, you hated to even acknowledge its existence. But you were blinded by rage and betrayal, unable to foresee the consequences of your vicious tongue no matter how abhorrent the statement was.Â
âExcuse me?,â Joel guffawed, his tone turning downright dangerous as he stepped so close that his chest nearly bumped the tip of your nose with every breath, âWhat the fuck did you just say to me?â
Poking the bear was not a good idea, but there was something particularly tantalizing about the way Joel looked down at you. He looked ready to tear you apart and for whatever reason, you felt the same. Which was why you ignored the alarm bells going off in your head and doubled down.Â
âYou heard me asshole.â
A small chuckle left Joel as one of his big hands wrapped around your throat, shocking you into silence as his strong grip held you still. Could he feel your pulse hammering against his palm? Did he know that move would drench your panties? You were disgusted with yourself, utterly mortified that such a move would turn you on but even still, you couldnât deny the desire that burned through your veins in response.Â
âYâwanna get real darling? Fine, letâs get real,â Joel taunted, his whiskey laden breath fanning over your face as he held you in place, âI had my fucking reasons for lying to ya and yeah, I could have told you sooner, but that isnât what this is about. Not even close.â
If he would have looked down he probably would have noticed how your thighs squeezed together, trying to alleviate some of the pressure as he eyed you like a predator does its prey. Still, you refused to let him know how hot and bothered he made you just yet, not after the utter torment he had put you through. You needed to stay strong and so you rolled your eyes, putting on a nonchalant demeanor to hide the fact that your pussy was suddenly crying for attention.Â
âSo what, pray tell, do you think this is about?,â you breathed, trying and failing to hide how flustered his scorn made you.Â
âThis is about him,â Joel hissed, his voice going down a few octaves as he continued, âThis is about you not trusting me because of all the shit Peter did to you. I have never once given you reason to doubt me and even still, you jump down my throat without even asking to hear my side of the story. Why do you think that is?â
âThatâs not even-â
âAnd instead of giving me time to explain something that doesnât just affect me, but my kid too, you freak the fuck out and try to push me away?,â he laughed bitterly, shaking his head as he released your neck and said, âYou think Iâm untrustworthy? Pot and kettle sweetheart.âÂ
The slight breeze caressed the space where Joelâs hand had been, reminding you of his absence as he stepped away. Did he have a point? Absolutely, but you were too hurt to hear it. The fury that had propelled you into saying those awful things still lingered, along with every other complicated emotion that came from being hurt by the person that made your world turn.Â
âGet fucked,â you shot back, with no real heat behind the words.Â
âYeah? Is that what you want baby? For me to fuck you?,â Joel leaned down, his lips hovering over yours as he whispered, âYou fucking wish.â
A beat of silence passed as the two of you glared at one another, the air between you thick with lust and despair. Joel stayed right where he was, his face so close to yours that his nose brushed against yours with every breath. As if on cue, your hands came up to rest on his chest, acting on instinct despite how aggravating the situation was. His big hands gripped your hips, squeezing them so hard that it made you squeak. Both of your resolves were crumbling, shuddering under the weight of an all encompassing need, but you were still determined to win.Â
âYou are a fucking liar who canât get over his ex,â you said, as if it was a statement of fact rather than the heat of the moment jab it was.Â
Joel barely blinked, though you felt the wrath boiling inside of him beneath your fingertips. He was like a cocked gun, ready to fire at the first sign of danger. And there you were - playing with the safety like it was some sort of toy. Not that it mattered, there was some sick part of you that knew he loved it as much as you did. The argument had swiftly turned childish and petty but neither of you could deny what was right in front of you, that you had both clearly met your match in each other. An unstoppable force had collided with an immovable object and the reverberation of the impact was about to be devastating.Â
âAnd you, sweetheart,â he grinned, leaning in even closer as he said, âAre a fucking cruel bitch when youâre jealous.âÂ
Maybe it was Joel that moved first, maybe it was you. Either way, his mouth met yours in a searing kiss that clacked your teeth together and drew obscene growls from the both of you. He grunted as you yanked at his hair, answering your fury with his own as he tore your breasts from the confines of your dress and squeezed them hard. A pained whine came from you but you didnât stop him. You couldnât - not when his tongue was invading your mouth, one hand pinching harshly at your nipples as the other fumbled with the hem of your dress.Â
âJoel, wait,â you gasped as he pulled away, eyes rolling into the back of your head as his teeth began to leave marks all over your neck and chest, âWhat if someone sees us?â
âGood,â he snapped, his impatience getting the better of him as he reached under your dress and ripped your panties clean off, âLet them fucking see, maybe then youâll stop being such a goddamn brat and accept the fact that youâre what I need.â
You moaned as his mouth crashed against yours, pussy clenching around nothing as you pulled on his hair and answered his bruising kiss with the same intensity. Joel grunted as you yanked on his belt and slid his fingers through your sticky folds in retaliation, finding nothing but a shiny layer of slick that he coated his digits with before shoving them inside. He didnât work you up as he usually did, didnât whisper sweet words and kindly stroke your clit before prodding at your entrance. Instead, three of his thick fingers were jammed into your pussy, the stretch making you stumble and grip his shoulders as they started pistoning inside of you without any warning.Â
âDesperate thing,â Joel grunted, the heel of his palm bumping against your clit as his fingers hammered into your swollen cunt, âHere I was thinking you were a sweet girl, someone I could treat real nice. Turns out Iâve got a needy little slut with a filthy fucking mouth.âÂ
The moan you let out echoed through the street but caution had already been thrown to the wind. You tried to remind Joel that the two of you were in the middle of the street, that anyone and their dog could see what was happening if they so much as looked out their front window, but it was hard to think clearly when his thick fingers were hammering at your g-spot at a breakneck speed. Arousal dripped down your thighs, soaking his hand as you mewled in his ear and dug your fingernails into his shoulders. A few more thrusts and you would be done for but Joel was clearly not in the mood for kindness, as the second your pussy started to tighten up, he pulled away.Â
âYâthink Iâm gonna go that easy on ya? Jesus, youâre fucking spoiled,â he chuckled, holding up his drenched fingers to inspect, âWell would ya look at that? That pussy of yours is just crying fâme, isnât she? Too bad, I wouldâve loved to treat her nice. Shame that you donât deserve it.âÂ
That word - deserve - pinched something at the base of your skull, drawing you out of the fantasy in an instant. Who was Joel to tell you what you did and did not deserve? The heat that lingered shifted once more, colliding with your outrage and before you knew it, you had shoved him down to the ground. He let out a surprised shout and then dropped, the shock evident on his face as you practically tackled onto the concrete. Nevertheless, he still let you straddle him, as if he knew just how badly you needed to be in control. It didnât matter that you were literally in the middle of the street, or that your breasts were bare, or that your hiked up dress put your glistening cunt on display for any passersby. What mattered was ruining him as he had ruined you.Â
âIâm a fucking slut? What the fuck is this then?,â you cackled as you tore his cock free from the confines of his boxers, âLook at how hard your cock is baby. I can literally see him throbbing and you think Iâm the one thatâs needy?âÂ
Joel hissed as you squeezed him hard, stroking him at a pace that was just a tad too aggressive but again, he didnât stop you. Instead his mouth fell open, his face bright red with shame as he tried to muster up an angry look to cover up his arousal. You cooed at the grunt he let out when you flicked your wrist and leaned forward to leave little bruises above his collar. It was wicked to do such a thing, especially when you knew just how hard it would be for him to try to hide them from his family, but you needed to do it - to brand him in some way as a reminder that he was still yours. It seemed that he felt the same, as he quickly wrapped your hair around his fist and anchored you there as you continued to angrily stroke his weeping cock.Â
âNever said that I didnât - mmfph, goddammit darling - that I didnât need you just as bad,â he wheezed, his cock twitching and spurting precum that helped the cruel glide of your fist, âBut for Christâs sake, you piss me the fuck off sometimes. I-I- fuuuck, youâre killing me baby.âÂ
âRight back atcha cowboy,â you chuckled, rising up on your knees to position his cock at your weeping entrance before you stopped and said, âBut at least Iâm not the one about to get fucked into the pavement because I couldnât use my god damn words.âÂ
Whatever Joel was about to say was lost to the wind as you sunk down, biting your lip to keep all of the pretty noises you knew he wanted to hear locked inside. He didnât deserve that side of you, not yet at least. What he deserved was what you gave him, which was whiplash as you shoved him back against the asphalt and pried his hands off your hips. Joel grunted as you secured his arms above his head and began to move, lifting yourself up until only the tip remained inside before you dropped down in one smooth, mind shattering glide. He whined but let you use him as you saw fit, the hunger in his eyes downright primal as you rode him hard.Â
âYou love this shit, donât you?,â he breathed, still trying to keep some manner of control as your pace picked up, âYou love using me for my cock, love knowing just how fucking whipped I am for this sweet little pussy. Bet you wanna keep me tied up so that you can have it whenever you want.âÂ
You grinned at Joelâs words. How cute.Â
âAw honey, I think we both know that I can already get it whenever I want.âÂ
Joel whimpered your name, his usually gruff voice going up a few octaves as you started slamming down on his cock with a renewed vigor. His eyes roamed over sweat soaked skin as his cock continued to spear into you, pupils growing more dilated as you began to moan and shake above him. The pressure of your denied release was back, begging to be satiated, and you hastened towards the finish line. Joel was close too, you could tell by the way his hips began to buck up to meet yours as he halfheartedly thrashed against your hold on his wrists. Not that you were concerned. If he truly wanted to he could have gotten out of it, but he was playing along - being a good boy despite his usual role as the more dominant partner.Â
âYou better not fucking cum,â you panted, the act faltering as the tension below your navel grew unbearable, âMmmm fuuuck, I never said you could.âÂ
âOh yeah? Gonna make me wait for it?,â Joel cussed, also unable to keep his desperation from seeping through the cracks, âChrist baby, you're meaner than me. Fine, weâll see how long that lasts after you finish. Keep it up darling, canât wait to - fuck!â
You watched in real time as Joelâs teeth broke through his lower lip, a bead of blood bubbling up to redden his swollen mouth as your pussy began to flutter. He cried out alongside you as you came, the frustration all over his face as he white knuckled through the experience of having your cunt clamp around his cock without being able to oblige its request. A wanton moan was muffled against your mouth as his lips crashed into yours, tongues and teeth fighting for dominance as the pressure in your abdomen exploded. He tasted like a mixture of coffee and blood, along with something delicious that was entirely him, and it made you cum even harder. Waves of pleasure washed over you, draining all the residual anger from your muscles until you suddenly went limp overtop of him. He let out an oof as your weight crashed into him, chuckling at how pliant you had become.Â
âYeah, thatâs what I thought. She just needed to remind me that Iâm hers, huh?,â Joel panted, his cock still throbbing with a denied release, âGood. Now itâs my fucking turn baby, get up.âÂ
âWhat? I never said I was done, I -â
âYeah but I did, now shut up and take it like the good little slut you are baby. I know thatâs what you want anyways, isnât it?â he teased, leaving no room for discussion as he flipped the two of you around so that you were the one on the hard ground. Â
The gravel dug into your back, likely leaving indents and small nicks that you would whine about later, but your mind was elsewhere as Joel roughly threw both of your legs over his shoulders. He had you effectively bent in half, unable to move as he slid so deep that you swore you could see the outline of his thick cock between your hip bones. Already you were done for, sweating and shaking as the tip teased the deepest part of your aching cunt. You braced yourself for his wrath, readying yourself to take the rage fueled pounding that would likely have the neighbours calling the cops but instead, he paused. His face turned pale and you felt your stomach twist. Something was wrong.Â
âJoel?,â you called out, blinking away the fog as you noticed that your usually present boyfriend was staring straight through you, âBaby, hey, look at me. Pause for a second, are you okay?âÂ
Joel's nostrils flared as he pulled himself out of it. His eyes wheeled around the surrounding area like he had just been woken from a deep sleep, only focusing once they landed on yours again.Â
âHi baby,â you said softly, reaching forward with shaky hands to cup his face as you asked, âWhereâd you go?âÂ
Joel stared at you, his brow pinched and his mouth turned downwards as you cleared the gravel from the side of his face. He opened his mouth to say something and then stopped, gathering his thoughts for a moment before he pressed a kiss to your palm in thanks. You softened at that, comforted that he was present enough to do such a thing, but nothing could have prepared you for the next words out of his mouth.Â
âTell me that this isnât the last time.â
âWhat?,â you gasped.Â
Joel shook his head, âPlease honey, I know I fucked up and I know youâre mad at me but please. Tell me that this isnât the last time I get to be with you.â
He sounded broken, beaten down by the weight of the day and the cruel words you had launched at him. It made your heart shatter, the poor organ breaking into a million pieces at the thought of the pain you had inflicted. Although you had been enraged by his actions, or lack thereof, you had never once considered leaving him. To do so seemed absurd, even if Joel was all the things you had accused him of being. He might not be perfect but come hell or high water, he was it for you. Â
âJoel, baby, I would never do that. I lo-,â you stopped, censoring yourself before those three little words popped out at the worst possible moment, âI uh - fuck⊠I care about you okay? A lot. And I donât know⊠Iâm pretty sure you feel the same way even though we havenât said it yet. Believe me, breaking up with you was never a part of the plan.â
His eyes widened, a mutual recognition and warmth flickering behind the mask of hurt. Joel loved you and you loved him back. It was all out in the open, despite the fact that neither of you had said it aloud. There was still much to be said about what he had done, about the vile things you had said to him in anger, but in that moment - with his cock still lodged deep inside of you and your legs pinned up by your ears - there were more important matters to attend to.Â
âOkay,â he nodded, leaning down to kiss you in a way that made you forget about all of it before he pulled away and mumbled, âI care about you too honey, just the same.âÂ
Any response was lost as Joel began to rock into you at a pace that made your toes curl. It wasnât the brutal fucking you had imagined in the haze of anger. His thrusts were slow and hard, the intensity of his gaze almost blinding as he took you apart. Those dark eyes hypnotized you, ensuring that you couldnât look away from him no matter what. Not a single word was uttered as you connected to him in the most intimate of ways, but it didnât matter. A million sentiments passed through that shared gaze -Â that Joel was sorry for lying, that you were sorry for what you said, that the both of you never wanted to feel like you might lose each other ever again.Â
The shell you had created over the span of the afternoon was peeled back once more, causing tears to threaten your waterline as Joel reached out and cradled the back of your head in his hand so that it wouldnât knock against the ground. One blink and the tears were set loose, providing a salty tinge to the kisses you shared with him. Resentment and jealousy had given way to the one thing Joel had accused you of without even having to say it outright - fear. That was the root of it all, your mistrust, your self consciousness, your jealousy. It was the reason you had exploded at him before he had the chance to defend his actions. Shame nipped at the back of your throat, forcing you to swallow back the ugly wails that were lurking beneath the surface, but his tenderness broke through your resolve.Â
âJoel,â you sobbed, pressing kisses all over his face, his neck, his arms, anywhere you could reach, âI-Iâm so sorry baby, I didnât mean it. I sh-shouldnât have said any of those mean things. I fucked up.â
âShhh, I know sweet girl. Sâalright, Iâm not mad at ya. I was a jackass too, okay? Weâre gonna be okay, just relax and let me take care of ya,â Joel cooed, stopping your barrage of panicked pecks with a kiss that made your mind go blank.Â
It was soft at first, but grew with an intensity that only further dampened your face with tears. His thrusts never faltered as his lips moved against yours, the patch of curls at the base of his cock scrubbing against your clit with every steady glide. Joel was close, but you could tell he was holding off for you, waiting patiently until you came around him once more. He was everywhere, whispering soft praises in between desperate kisses until your harsh sobs had turned into needy whines. This wasnât fucking, nor was it just sex. It was love making at its highest form, all sense of urgency gone as you brought each other up to that edge with a reverence that could easily be mistaken for worship.Â
Somewhere nearby a dog barked as their owner let them out, the motion sensor in the backyard casting a glow over the two of you, but neither of you paid it any attention. If anyone left to grab something from their car you would both be screwed, but it somehow only made it that much more intense. The world could be ending and even then, the two of you would remain locked in one another's embrace.
âEyes on me pretty girl,â Joel gently reminded you.  Â
You blinked away the haze, giving him a breathless smile as you focused on him. Joel grinned back and pressed his lips to your again. The kiss was nothing but mouths mashing together, the heat between your bodies sweltering as he shifted so that his cock rubbed at your g spot and bumped against your cervix with every stroke. The pleasure mixed with the pain, filling you with a thick and syrupy kind of bliss that clogged the valves of your heart and made you shamelessly cry out for him.Â
âThere she is - my girl, my beautiful girl,â he mused, earning a series of unintelligible moans from you in response, âI know honey, doing so good for me, but I need you to cum for me okay? Just one more baby, I can feel you holding back. Let go.âÂ
You hadnât realized how close you were until the permission was granted. The second Joelâs words were out in the open, the tension in your core exploded. Praises were whispered as your pussy clenched and unclenched around him, rhythmically forcing him towards his own end. He groaned, his pace faltering for a second before he thrusted up into you once, then two more times before hot cum filled your twitching pussy. The feeling of Joel cumming only prolonged your release, forcing a fresh wave of tears to drip down your face as the overstimulation took hold. Usually you could take quite the fucking but given how emotionally draining the day had been, along with how raw the fight and subsequent intimacy had left you, the exposure was suddenly too much.Â
âJooooel,â you whined.Â
âI know, sâalright sweetheart,â Joel cooed as he eased your shaking legs off his shoulders and carefully set them back down.Â
A cool breeze drifted over from beyond the Adlerâs house, causing goosebumps to erupt all over your sweat slick skin. The need had been sated, along with the anger that had burned through your veins just moments before. You suddenly felt so small beneath him. It was as if the act had shrunk you down and torn all of your dignity away. A whimper slipped out from between your clenched teeth and you shifted, the desire to flee growing stronger with each passing second. He loves you, you tried to remind yourself, but it was no use.Â
âHey, hey, relax baby. Sâalright, you donât need t-â
âNo, no, no,â you whimpered, bucking against his hold so hard that his cock slipped out.Â
Cum leaked out as you twisted and tore yourself from his grasp, crawling on hands and knees for a couple feet before you finally managed to get up on shaky legs. Joel swore as you staggered away, dress tattered and bruises littering your once pristine skin as you retreated. Shame fueled every step of the way, along with the knowledge that no matter what either you or him did - this issue had grown bigger than the both of you. It didnât matter that you had already forgiven him, or that you would continue to love one another no matter what hurt was inflicted.Â
There would be consequences for the injustices of the past, ones that you werenât sure you were brave enough to face. Afterall, you had just gone through a messy divorce. Was this how you wanted to spend your new found freedom? And if you did stay, were you strong enough to support him through the fallout?Â
âShit, wait up,â Joel called as he shoved his spent cock back into his jeans, leaving the fly undone as he jogged over and blocked the patio, âHold your horses baby. Where the hell do you think youâre going?â
The start of a cohesive sentence eluded you, only a stunted whine bubbling to the surface before your mouth snapped shut. Where the hell were you going? You had no idea, but the thought of spending another second exposed against the asphalt made you want to puke. So much had been taken from you that day - the comfort of thinking you knew Joel completely, the level headedness you had crafted after years of torment, the belief that you could live without him. In the end, all that remained was the truth, which was just as excruciating as it was beautiful. The man you loved was an enduring mystery, as well as your paramour. But playing detective was simply not something you wanted to do anymore.Â
âTalk to me sweetheart, please. Yâcant just run away, not after all that. I need to know youâre okay,â Joel pleaded, the sound of his voice like honey over gravel.Â
It took you a moment before you looked up at him, eyes scanning every inch of his ruggedly handsome face like it might be the last time you would ever see it. The agony on Joelâs face struck you, his brow pinched and his mouth twisted up in displeasure like you had just punched him straight in the gut. He was beautiful, even then, and you longed to tell him so. But it wasnât the right moment and given how you had just treated him, you werenât sure you were the right person to say it anymore.Â
âI donât want to hurt anymore,â you whispered, a single tear rolling down your face as you did, âAnd I donât want you to either. So I thinkâŠâ
âNo.â
âJoel, Iâm not saying that we should break up or anything, I just think that we need to take a step back and figure out what it is weâre doing because I-â
âNo,â he said again, this time with more conviction as he grabbed your hips and pulled you further away from the door, âYou might not know what it is weâre doing but I do, and Iâm not letting you walk away just yet. Not until you understand what it is I want for us, okay?â
âI-I-â
âIn my office right now there are plans for the ranch,â he started, barreling through your weak rebuttal, âI started working on them not long after our first date. Figured that with the girls off to college, we wouldnât have any reason to stick around and you love that place more than I do.â
âWhat? You did?â
He nodded once and stepped closer, sighing as he bumped his forehead against yours. His breath warmed your lips, his loving gaze swallowing you whole as your heart pounded against your ribcage. Making plans for the future had never been your strong suit but to have someone else do it for you, to have someone know you so well that they took it upon themselves to carve out a piece of their life for you was profound.Â
âThe upstairs has enough room for the girls to have rooms for when they visit but I thought that with the two extra rooms we could make a workshop fâme and a little reading room for you. They uhâŠ,â he swallowed, âThey connect so we could stay close.â
âJoelâŠ,â you whimpered, overwhelmed by the bright future he was painting for you from the pit of darkness you were both stuck in.Â
âThen we could fix up my mamaâs old greenhouse, maybe even put a little sitting area in there so you can hang around those plants you love,â Joel chuckled, shaking his head as he imagined it, âI thought I could get some sheep and every time they give me any grief, I could turn my head and youâd be there. Watering them or reading, and everything would be okay.â
A watery laugh came from you. The image of your boyfriendâs grumpy face breaking into a wide grin despite whatever shenanigans his would-be animals got into made you thrum with excitement. Could it really be that easy? Even with everything that had happened?Â
âYouâd really want that with me?,â you questioned, scrubbing at your teary eyes until they were raw, âEven after all this?âÂ
Joel tsked and batted your hands away, gently clearing all the moisture from beneath your eyes before he placed a small kiss on the tip of your reddened nose. He shook his head at the notion, silently rejecting the idea that he would want any other kind of future.Â
âHoney, I ainât never been a planner. Everything in my life has just⊠I donât know, happened? Iâve never had a say in much of it,â he paused, collecting himself before he said, âBut you are everything I fucking need okay? You're it baby, so I planned. I guess the only question is whether you still feel the same.â
A silence stretched between you, each second like nails on a chalkboard as you stood there stunned. Not only had Joel planned for a future with you in it, but he had crafted one where all your wants were checked off and every day would be spent in each otherâs presence. His dream life sounded like something out of a fairytale and without him, you would have never been able to even imagine it. You tried to think of having that kind of life with anyone else but couldnât. It could only be him.Â
âOf course I do,â you broke, closing your glossy eyes as you finally relented, âBut this situation is⊠Complicated and I need some time to think, okay? It doesnât mean that I donât want to be your girlfriend anymore, I just need a breather.â
A fraction of the tension in Joelâs shoulders released, the relief on his face palpable as he eased up on the grip he had on you and took a step back. It was just a few steps but even still, the distance made your stomach pang.Â
âOkay, I understand honey,â he sighed, shrinking a bit as his hands fell back down to his sides, âI uh⊠I guess Iâll get going then. See you tomorrow?â
Something inside screamed at you to give in, to fall into Joelâs arms like the femme fatale on the cover of every pulp romance at the grocery store. That feeling gnawed at your intestines as you nodded once, biting your lip to keep the sobs in as he kissed your forehead and then turned back towards the street. You watched him go, muscles tense and jaw clicked shut as you fought against every urge inside of yourself to chase after him. He turned once he got to his door, lifting his hand in the air with a sad smile on his face that broke your heart. You turned before it could get to you, the energy that had carried you through the day gone as you stepped inside and left him behind.Â
-Joel-
The house was quiet, reminding Joel of the error in his ways with every excruciating minute that passed. Before you came crashing into his life, he would have been indifferent to the loneliness that came with an empty home, but now he knew better. He knew what it felt like to hold you in his arms, to hear you steady breathing as you slept beside him, to know that he would wake to find you filling the hole in his life he hadnât even known was there. That hole felt bigger with you gone, even though you were just across the street.Â
Itâs just temporary, Joel told himself over and over again, trying like hell to keep himself in bed so that he wouldnât march straight across the street and beg you to let him in. What you needed was space, not some lunatic in his mid thirties causing a domestic disturbance because he was too immature to face the consequences of his own actions. The pure embarrassment he felt at the thought of being that type of man kept him locked beneath the sheets for the first few hours, but the second that the clock hit 3 a.m., he suddenly couldnât take it any longer.Â
The floorboards creaked beneath Joelâs weight as he shucked on a pair of pajama pants and crept through the house, the dark stained oak screaming at him to turn around with every step, but he ignored the advice. Somewhere across the street was the girl of his dreams, the woman whose very existence shook him to his core, and she had just gone to bed upset with him. It was very likely that Joel was about to get chewed out for trampling over the boundary you had set, but he had already accepted the consequences of that choice. He would sleep on the floor if he had to, anything to be near you again.Â
Joel slipped on the first pair of shoes he found, not even bothering to lace them up as he spun around and hurried over to the door with your spare key in hand. His stomach was in knots, all of his organs shuddering with displeasure as he reached for the front door. Was he being stupid? Absolutely, but he was too greedy to care. It was you who had done this to him, you who had gotten him hooked on gentle caresses and the sweet nothings whispered in his ear every morning. Only you could cure Joel of the torment he was in, so he accepted his fate and pushed the door open, his head still in the clouds as he slammed into something warm.Â
âOh shit!,â you exclaimed, limbs tangled with his as you staggered backwards.Â
Joelâs hands shot out before you could slam into the railing, his arms wrapping around you so tightly that your head smacked against his chest. He felt dizzy, his chest aching as he held you against him and smelled the vanilla body scrub that lingered on your skin. Your legs were bare, nothing but a baggy Miller contracting t-shirt and a pair of fuzzy socks covering your shaking frame. For a second he wondered if he was dreaming, if his obsession with you had infiltrated what little sleep he was able to get under such circumstances, but no.Â
It couldnât be a dream. Joel felt your hands drift over the hardened planes of his broad chest, skimming over the bare skin like they were trying to map him out all over again. He chewed at the inside of his cheek, too overwhelmed to speak as your eyes roamed over him.Â
âI canât sleep without you anymore you asshole,â you sniffed, with no real bite behind the words.
Joel nodded. He understood what you meant. It was like trying to sleep with one of his limbs torn off.Â
âI know the feeling,â he drawled, allowing his own hands to wander as he studied your swollen eyes and bitten lips, âMaybe we couldâŠâ
âYeah, Iâd like that baby.â
Joel scooped you up in his arms, the back of his eyes burning as he fought through tears of relief. For better or worse, you still wanted to share a bed with him. That wasnât much, but it was something. He cooed as you sniffled and buried your face into his neck, letting you hang off of him like a koala bear as he retreated back into the house. There were no words said, nor did there have to be. The two of you came together like waves crashing against the craggy rocks, like the sun beaming down on the tops of the trees after a storm, like the breeze rushing through blades of grass on a windy day. Being with you was like a natural phenomenon in its truest sense. It was as inevitable and cruel as it was serene and abundant, and he wouldnât want it any other way.Â
There would be much to talk about once the morning came but as Joel tucked you under the covers and crawled in beside you, he decided to leave those kinds of worries for another day. Instead he focused on keeping you as close as humanly possible, reveling in the feeling of having his girl in his arms as she dozed off. He watched as you slept, exhaustion pulling desperately on his own eyelids with every passing second, but he fought it for as long as he could.Â
âI love you baby, mâso sorry,â Joel whispered before he kissed the top of your head and finally let his eyes slip closed.Â
There would be time for proper admissions and apologies later. What both of you needed at that moment was rest. He sighed and snuggled closer, allowing your warmth to pull him under as the sky outside began to tease the incoming dawn. Maybe you would forgive him, maybe not, but at least he could sleep beside you for one more night.Â
After spending more than a decade keeping the secrets of others, Joel finds himself stuck under the weight of it all. Meanwhile you try to liven up the Miller household with an end of the school year party. When your boyfriend is lost in space for most of the day, will you finally be able to get him to open up?
Warnings: NoOutbreak!Joel Miller/Reader, Sarah & Ellie as Siblings, MAJOR Angst, Talks of Addiction, Mention of Minor Character Death, Trauma, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Smut, Hung!Joel (Minors DNI), Joel Needs a Hug... and Perhaps Therapy.
A/N:
Hey guys! I hope you've had a good week so far. This chapter is a bit of a doozy, so let's just dive right in.
First and foremost, major warning for drug abuse and talks about addiction. This chapter is centred around Joel and what went down with him and Tess. If you are struggling yourself or are triggered by that sort of thing, please protect yourself and maybe wait until next week.And secondly, because I'm not a complete monster, there will be some smutty goodness to make things a bit easier. Only warning there is that our man is HUNG. Just a big-ass dick, you're welcome <3
Chapter 5/10
Chapter 5: Joel, Interrupted
Fifteen Years EarlierÂ
Joelâs head pounded along to the beat of the music, the high pitched wails of whatever glam rock band Tommy was into scraping at the inside of his skull with each second that passed. In truth, he wasnât sure why he had decided to come to his brotherâs New Yearâs Eve party. Itâs not like he had anything to celebrate. He had just turned twenty in September and what did he have to show for it? A girlfriend that was MIA every other week, a shitty band that was on the verge of collapse, an even shittier stand-in drummer that was too busy flirting with the waitresses to be any good at keeping time, the list could go on.Â
Joel didnât have any particular desire to party, but after being strong-armed into going under the guise of a worried sibling, he found himself nursing a room temperature beer along the outskirts of a packed party. Tommy had pulled out all the stops, even citing the recent death of their mother as a means to get his depressed ass out of the house. And like the sentimental idiot Joel was, he had fallen for it. Instead of spending another night wallowing about Marlene, about the band, about Tess, he was at his parentâs all but abandoned house trying to fade into the cracked wallpaper.Â
âHey! Iâve been looking everywhere for you, Tommy said you were here somewhere but the place is packed. I mean shit, I didnât even know the guy knew this many people,â Maria laughed as she strolled over to him.Â
She was wise enough to bring a fresh beer to appease him, giving him a knowing look as he took it with a mumbled thanks. Joel had to hand it to her, out of all of Tommyâs countless flings - both male and female - so far she was the one that he liked the most. Maria wasnât quite as loud or as cocky as his brother, she was calm and collected, a clear headed woman who could see through all of the bullshit. If Joel was being honest, he was pretty sure that she could do a lot better than Tommy, but he kept that to himself. Afterall, who else could he trust to keep the idiot in line?
âSo, Iâve heard that youâre in need of a new drummer,â she commented, pressing her back against the wall so that she could join him in surveying the drunken crowd.Â
Joel hummed in response, the question prickling at his nervous system. Aside from guilt, one of the main reasons he had come was to forget but maybe that was too much to ask for. Afterall, the mess he found himself in at that moment was partly his own doing.Â
âDamn, that sucks. You guys were really on a roll for a while, Iâd hate for the band to lose its stride. How about I put out some feelers? I know a couple of people that play, probably not as good as her but they might be better than your current guy,â Maria tried.Â
He sighed, âI ainât too keen on having another one of Tommyâs eighteen year old friends stumblinâ out halfway through the set because he did too many shots with the bouncers.âÂ
âFair enough.â
Joel took a swig of his beer, watching as his brother got up on a coffee table to belt out his best rendition of a Queen song. The people around him cheered, fueled by the jungle juice in the kitchen and the liveliness that rolled off the younger man in waves. There was a time when Joel would have been sour seeing his brother be so carefree, but he had come to realize that his frustration was nothing more than jealousy. He wished he could be easy going and fun, but unfortunately he was doomed to cling to the walls at parties for the rest of his life.Â
âI um⊠I heard that she might be coming tonight. Have you heard anything?â
The question made Joel grit his teeth. Everyone knew that bringing up Marlene was a no-no when talking to him, but her? There hadnât been any solid rules made about her yet, nor had there ever been. The two of them had been joined at the hip since kindergarten, with little to no fuss involved for the entirety of their friendship. And if it were any other time, Joel would have been able to give Tommyâs girlfriend a straight answer as to where his best friend was, but he couldnât. In all honesty, he wasnât sure he wanted to know either.Â
âNo, I havenât talked to her sinceâŠ,â Joel trailed off, unwilling to recount the fight he was trying to forget about, âWell, you know.âÂ
Joel didnât need to say anything else, Maria knew very well what had happened. Afterall, she had been there to witness the explosion that had taken place, like two stars colliding in outer space. The things that had been said, the accusations that had been thrown from both sides - some accurate and some not - had haunted him for weeks. Fifteen years of resentment had boiled over in front of the entire band and the few stragglers at the local dive bar they practiced in, shattering any hope of reconciliation for the foreseeable future.Â
âUm⊠Well I hate to say it, but I think you should probably get out of here if you donât want to break that streak. Weâve got incoming,â Maria said with a wince, looking over his shoulder towards the crowd.Â
âWait, what?,â he sputtered, whipping his head around just in time to see the one person he was desperately trying to avoid.Â
âHey Texas.âÂ
Tess looked a little better than the last time Joel had seen her, with her eyes less sunken in and a measly layer of fat covering her body. He tried to look at her arms, secretly praying that he would find them as clean and unblemished as they once were, but the sweater she had on kept him from seeing anything. For a moment, he debated on picking another fight with her, still feeling the sting of some of the things she had said, but he decided against it. The last thing either of them needed was another public blow out.Â
âIâll uh⊠give you two some space,â Maria mumbled, excusing herself so that she could escape the tense moment.Â
A silence ensued after her departure, the uncomfortable kind that made Joelâs palms sweat. He had never been known for being particularly good with his words but usually, with them, it didnât matter. After fifteen years of friendship, Tess could interpret all of his grunts and weighted pauses, oftentimes answering them with her own. It wasnât a great form of communication but for them, it worked. Well⊠it had worked, until one day it didnât anymore.Â
âI see Tom-catâs giving them a show,â Tess commented after a while, nodding towards the downright salacious dance that his brother was doing with a feather boa he had stolen from one of his many guests.Â
The nickname pulled at Joelâs heartstrings, reminding once again of just how long the two of them had been friends. The term had once been coined by his father, becoming something of a running gag for family and close friends. Even his anger towards the woman couldnât diminish that. Which was why Joel granted her a small laugh, letting up on the cold shoulder as the two of them watched the show. He sighed after a while, deciding it was best to let the resentment go for the night.Â
âSo, how are you doing with working the steps -âÂ
âListen Joel, I was wondering if we could maybe -â
Tess stopped and so did Joel, the both of them staring at each other for another tense moment before it faded into awkward laughter. It was weird for him to be so uncomfortable around her and he could tell she felt the same. He was still pissed but he knew that he would have to get the conversation out of the way at some point. If anything, just to get his drummer back.Â
âItâs been good, I guess. I donât know, I donât really have anything to compare it to but here,â Tess stopped, producing a small chip from her back pocket so she could hold it out to him, âI hit three months last week. Itâs not much but hey, itâs further than my dad ever got.âÂ
Joel stared down at the chip, swallowing the lump in his throat as he did. That night, that awful night, he had screamed at her for continuing on as she was, for taking something fun and turning it vile by injecting poison into her veins. However, Tess wouldnât be Tess if she let that slide, especially when it had been him who knew about it for months, him who had begrudgingly helped her score a bag of it so that she could get through the set without getting the shakes, him who had quietly cleaned her vomit off the bathroom floor at Willaâs fourth of July party so that nobody would know. It was him who had allowed it to go on for so long, stupidly believing that he was somehow helping her.Â
The shame was like a hunk of lead in Joelâs stomach, the heavy weight of it forcing acid to splash against the back of his throat, and suddenly it felt like the walls were closing in on him. He heard Tess call out for him as he stumbled away but he couldnât stop, not when he knew exactly what she was going to say. She was going to apologize, as she usually did even when he didnât deserve it. And Joel would have accepted it, too chickenshit to admit his own fault in the matter, but he didnât have the strength to do that anymore. So instead of being brave, he ran outside as quickly as he could, bypassing the smokers so that he could lean up against the side of the house in peace.Â
Not that it mattered, Tess knew him too well. Joel had about five minutes of peace before she found him anyway.Â
âJesus fucking Christ, youâve got some nerve running from me like that. The whole reason I came here was to talk to your stupid ass,â Tess huffed, shaking her head at him as she rounded the corner, âSponsor says that Iâm not even supposed to be at parties yet.âÂ
âYeah well, yâcanât blame a man for trying to save his own skin.âÂ
She snorted, âNah, guess not, especially when heâs as stupid as you.âÂ
Joel slid down onto the ground, thumping the back of his head against the siding as he stared up at her. Tess walked over, joining him on the cold dirt with a sigh. He wasnât sure what to say so he stayed silent, praying that whatever she needed to get out wouldnât hurt him too badly.Â
âIâm not going to apologize because I think we both know how fucked up everything got near the end and honestly, I donât think it would help either of us,â Tess said after a moment, turning to him as she added, âBut I need you to know that this wasnât your fault. The things that I did had nothing to do with you.âÂ
âBut I -âÂ
âNo,â she cut in, giving him a warning look, âI was the one who decided to start using, I was the one who scared the shit out of everyone, I was the one who ruined the band, I -â
Joel scoffed, âFirst of all, you didnât ruin the band shithead. Weâre still playing.âÂ
âFucking hell, are you going to ever let me finish a sentence?,âTess exclaimed, letting some of the anger peek out as she threw her hands up at him, âI donât even know why I keep you around sometimes. Youâre nothing but a pain in my ass.âÂ
âYouâre one to talk.âÂ
Tess glared at him for a second and Joel mirrored her, the two of them fuming before she cracked a grin, leading to another round of slightly less awkward chuckles. He relaxed a bit more, soothed by the sliver of his best friend, as he remembered her, finally peeking through. This was not the same person who had pawned her motherâs TV for drugs, or stolen Tommyâs wallet at Christmas, or slept with Eugeneâs girlfriend while on a bender, or punched him in the heat of their last argument. It was Tess, the real Tess.Â
âLook, I know that I fucked up and scared the shit out of everyone, but are we good?,â Tess asked him after a moment.Â
âCourse,â Joel sighed, letting her place her head on his shoulder, âAs long as that means I can fire the idiot weâve got messing up all of our songs.â
âIs that right? I thought you said that the band wasnât ruined after I left,â she teased.Â
âShut up.â
The rest of the night followed a similar path after the two of them eventually went back inside to join the party. Usually Joel spent most of his time at parties alone, watching his loved ones and friends have fun as he tried not to kill himself. But that night Tess abandoned her usual spot at the beer pong table to join him, chatting to him about rehab as she nursed a diet coke. It was an interesting change but he didnât hate it, nor did he hate the fact that instead of kissing Marlene or some random chick when the ball dropped, it had been Tess.Â
Fueled by the excitement of finally having his person back, along with the undeniable tension that had been building since the moment they had hit puberty, they had come together like magnets. The kiss wasnât particularly dazzling, but it held potential. That night had made him feel like anything was possible, that even if whatever was between them was nothing more than a passing lust, everything would be fine. He had his best friend back, the rest of it didnât matter.Â
Unfortunately for Joel, he had been wrong about that, along with many other things. And unbeknownst to him at the time, he would still be thinking about that night fifteen years later, except through a much less forgiving lens. After all, he had actually been stupid enough to believe her.Â
-
âUm, helloooo? Earth to dad?,â Sarah called, her face coming into view as she broke him from his trance, âDid you hear what I said? I need help getting the pool floaties out from the garage, you put them up way too high. Are you going to help me or not?âÂ
âWhat? Oh um, yeah sure, just let meâŠ,â Joel stammered, putting the roll of streamers he had been white knuckling down on the kitchen table.Â
âCome on! People are going to be here soon,â she threw over her shoulder as she walked away.Â
Joel sighed, shaking himself out of the past so that he could focus on being the fun dad he was attempting to be. The end of the year party for the girls was something you had come up with and he was grateful. Thinking about those kinds of things was never his strong suit, he had other strengths. As a dad, Joel was present, having never missed a soccer game or school production for either of his girls. He was a rock, always ensuring that his kids had a safety net to fall back on if they ever needed it. But this? Treating them to a Saturday filled with friends and fun for successfully finishing ninth grade? The thought would have never even crossed his mind.Â
Even though Joel had been unsure at first, you had taken the reins and ensured everything went off without a hitch. The girls had made a list of potential guests, snacks, games, and you had gone to work. He had tried to help with the planning but thankfully, you had simply rolled your eyes at him and promised a full list of tasks the morning of the party. Which, he supposed, was why he had woken up that day to you shoving a black coffee in his face at the asscrack of dawn.Â
âItâs just the ones up there,â Sarah instructed as he stepped into the garage, pointing towards the foam floaties that he had hastily shoved into the rafters, âIf you could just toss those in the pool, that would be great.âÂ
âWait a second, me? Youâre not going to help?,â Joel balked.Â
Sarah shook her head, âNope, Iâve got an outfit to pick out. Thanks dad!âÂ
âBut-â
Joel turned, sighing when he realized that his oldest had disappeared into thin air. He should have known that her getting help from dad just meant that heâd be doing it himself. Afterall, this was not his first day with teenagers. Nevertheless, Joel followed her orders, begrudgingly yanking the floaties out from their hiding spot and dragging them to the backyard. He sighed and rubbed at his lower back when the last of them were tossed into the pool, his muscles already aching from all the work he had done that morning.Â
âFuckâs sake,â he groaned as he tried to clear some of the fog from his mind.Â
It had been like this for days, with Joel in a perpetual limbo and you being unbearably reasonable about it. After Tommyâs dinner and your exâs unexpected arrival, he had promised to tell you everything but it was proving to be a harder task than he had originally thought. There had been some childhood memories and awkward snapshots of his teenage years thrown your way, along with a few more painful attempts to explain the last year of his best friendâs life, but he tiptoed around the issue. Soon, Joel would tell himself over and over again, desperately trying to put off the inevitable. But with your past fully revealed to him, having literally taken up residence across the street for the time being, there was only so much time before your patience ran out. He knew that it wasnât fair for him to withhold his past, especially when you had bared your soul to him so easily, and he prayed that you would hold out just a little longer before giving up on him altogether.Â
Joel winced, the thought of you walking out of his life winding up all of his nerves and pinching the lining of his stomach. His heart panged at the realization that it was completely out of his control, that you could up and leave him at the drop of a hat. If that ever happened, he wasnât sure what he would do. Finding his person, someone who knew him and was unshaken by his gnarled edges, was something he had been yearning for. Losing the woman that made him think such a fate was truly possible for a man like him would destroy him.Â
Absolutely crestfallen at the mere thought of such a future, Joel turned towards the house, barreling through the backdoor before he could think better of it. There was only one person who could pull him back from the edge when his own worries took hold, the same person who never fully left his mind, and he found himself suddenly famished for her. He felt like a beast as he stalked through the house, breathing hard as he searched for you. His eyes lingered on the couch, remembering how you had held him there after a particularly brutal retelling of the last Christmas at Willaâs house. With a sigh, he turned towards the kitchen, his fingers itching to grab hold of your plush thighs and squishy hips.Â
Joel marched straight into the kitchen like a man on a mission, following the smell of your floral perfume like a bloodhound until he found you stationed at the counter. He lurked in the doorway for a moment, his chest heaving as he watched you craft the snacks that Ellie had asked for. Fuck, sheâs perfect, Joel thought to himself as all the muscles in his legs tensed, the urge to pounce only growing stronger with each second in your presence. Although it had been a little less than an hour since he last had his hands on you, when he had practically jumped you in the pantry after sneaking away from the girls, the need was already becoming too much. His insides turned to goo as he remembered the little gasp you had let out when his lips pressed against yours, and pushed himself off the doorframe, a wide grin on his face as he closed the distance.Â
âJesus Joel,â you laughed, fumbling with the knife for a second before you put it down and turned in his grasp, âAre you trying to give me a heart attack or something?âÂ
âApologies sweetheart, you just look real pretty today. This dress -,â Joel groaned dramatically, âI mean câmon darling, youâre playing dirty.â
The dress was flowy and white, with little red flowers all over it that made Joel grin. With your hair hanging in a loose braid and a dainty necklace drawing his attention to your cleavage, he couldnât help but think you looked like some kind of fairy. He sighed, heart stuttering at the sight of you wrapped up like the prettiest present he had ever seen. You gazed up at him with big eyes and he found himself biting back a feral groan. It was like you were trying to kill him.Â
âThought you might like it,â you giggled, playing with his hair as his hands drifted over the buttery fabric.Â
The kiss laid against Joelâs lips made everything else fall away. The memories from his past, the anxiety of having a stampede of kids running through his house, the asshole across the street that was making your life living hell, all vanished. The only thing Joelâs brain could process was the taste of cherry chapstick and the sickly sweet coffees you enjoyed as he let himself lean into it. He groaned as your arms wrapped around his neck, fingers tugging at the curls in a way that would have made him purr like a cat if he could. By the time you pulled away, he was ready to say fuck the party and drag you upstairs for a few hours, but the eye roll you gave him soon snapped him back to reality. Unfortunately for him, you were right, now was not the time.Â
âBetter?,â you asked lightly, pressing one last peck to the bald spot in his beard before you turned back towards the task at hand.Â
Joel blinked, a small smile peeking out as he was once again reminded of just how well you knew him. Of course you could sense his mood, you somehow always did. He had once been a steel trap, with all of his inner workings safe from the speculation of others, but you saw through it all. The illusion of the normal dad who was over dating and romance had shattered, crushed easily beneath one of the many pairs of heels you had piled into his closet. The truth was out. Joel Miller wanted to be cherished, to be coveted, to be so devoted to someone that all of his many fears didnât matter anymore. You alone had awoken something in him and in doing so, had rattled him to his very core. There was no going back for him anymore, you had changed him.Â
âMâsorry for jumping ya baby, today has been uh⊠weird. I used to go to a lot of parties before uhâŠ,â Joel trailed off, wrapping his arms around you tight when it became too much for him.Â
âWanna talk about it? Weâve got a little bit of time before people start coming,â you offered, smiling as his face wiggled its way into the crook of your neck, âI-I mean, youâve listened to me bitch about dealing with lawyers for two whole weeks, itâs the least I could do.âÂ
The noise Joel made was between a groan and a growl, the thought of your ex forcing a primal type of anger from somewhere deep within. For two weeks he had bit his tongue, sentient enough to understand that his stressed girlfriend didnât need to soothe his venomous hatred while she fought for her life, but it was becoming impossible. The proceedings had so far been nothing more than a childish way for Peter to get in his final digs. Every single item in your life was put up for review and ten years of petty arguments were being recalled in a board room full of strangers. It was maddening, even for him.Â
Joel couldnât stand it, all you wanted was freedom and the man couldnât even give you that. It made him want to run across the street and kick the shit out Peter, but he couldnât. The opposition couldnât find any proof that you had used shared funds to purchase the house, which meant Peterâs vacation across the street would soon come to an end. With the warm little bungalow across the street finally empty, youâd be able to relax and he could finally stop biting holes into his cheeks every time he saw that smug face leer at you at every turn.Â
âBaby, you ainât bitching about nothing. I like it when ya talk to me about stuff,â Joel sighed, half delirious as he gulped down lungfuls of the ambrosia that wafted off of your skin.Â
âUh huh, right. Even when itâs about Peter? Because the last time I told you about some stupid shit he said in front of the lawyers, you almost burst a blood vessel trying not to say something about it,â you chuckled.Â
He grunted, âI always like to hear ya talk honey, just donât always like the characters in your stories is all. Sânot my fault heâs a fucking idiot.âÂ
You laughed at that, shaking your head at his words as you put the final touches on the array of various meats, cheeses, and veggies. Joel smiled and hugged you a bit tighter, being greedy for a moment while the girls were busy readying themselves for their schoolmates and friends. He couldnât help himself. Despite the fact that you had been staying at his house for two whole weeks, there hadnât been many moments alone and he was getting desperate. Â
Miller Contracting was slammed, the end of the school year bringing about a seemingly endless list of jobs that kept him running around like a maniac. If that wasnât enough, he was forced to share you with the girls. Everytime he thought that he might finally have a moment along with his girlfriend, they were prying her from his grasp to babble about their friends or swindle her into an activity that never seemed to involve him. Being banished stung a little, but he understood. Another feminine presence had been sorely needed in the house and so far, you had filled that role perfectly.Â
Joel tried to give you an out at first, fearing that you would get overwhelmed by their constant attention. He had promised you early on that he would never be angry if you didnât feel like hanging out with them after a long day, but you refused each time. Even when you were sprinting between work, court, and home, you still took time out of your day for them. The thought of it made him just as giddy as he was annoyed.Â
The only alone time either of you got was a shared meal at the end of the day, followed by a few hours of sleepy cuddling on the couch before Joel inevitably dragged you both to bed. The kisses exchanged amidst the sheets had been strictly PG, as the exhaustion inevitably took hold each night. But that didnât mean he didnât want to, that he wasnât starving for the radiant woman in his arms, that he didnât long to slide himself home and fuck you until you gripped him like a vice. Everyday tested his patience but he couldnât bring himself to tiptoe past the finish line just yet, not until the moment was right.Â
âMm, youâre sweet,â you sighed and leaned back into him, âBut are you sure thereâs nothing I can do baby? I donât want you to be stewing all day, even if I think you look super cute when youâre grumpy.âÂ
âDuly noted, but nah Iâll be okay. Just stay right there and let me hold ya a bit longer. Sâall I need pretty girl,â he answered truthfully.Â
Joel stayed like that for far too long, only lifting his head from your shoulder the second he heard the doorbell ring and the telltale signs of two pairs of feet rushing down the staircase. Even then, he lingered a bit, pressing a line of ticklish kisses to the side of your face until you laughed and shooed him away. He blushed at the pointed look you gave him over your shoulder as you drifted towards the incoming group of gangly teenagers, though he couldnât help but notice that you were just as flustered as him.Â
Joel shook himself out of it as the kids came tumbling into the living room with wide grins they had yet to grow into. The last thing he needed was them picking up on just how obsessed he was with his girlfriend and teasing him for it. He was a strong man, but even he was not immune to schoolyard taunts. Even just the word - girlfriend - made his heart thump a little harder and he had to subtly wipe his palms on his jeans before he started handing out sweaty styrofoam cups of fruit punch.Â
Before long, the house was jam-packed and games were being played out in the yard, with pop music blaring in his ears no matter where on the property Joel escaped to. For the first few hours of the party, he tried to keep on top of the clean up, following around kids hopped up on sugar and snacks to pick up the little bits of waste they left behind. However, somewhere between the portrait session turned into an impromptu paint fight and the flour war that you had started during the bake off, Joel decided to give up and simply enjoy the show. Besides, the kids were having fun and with his hands empty, he had the perfect opportunity to watch the woman he was enamored with work her magic.Â
Joel sighed wistfully as he watched you throw your head back in laughter, his chest growing tighter by the second. The kids had accepted you as one of their own within minutes, meaning that he got to witness the softer, more goofier version of you let loose. It was breathtaking. The one thing he would never be able to understand was how anyone would ever let you go. How could someone let this radiant being, this goddess amongst men, fall to the wayside? It wasnât just that you were beautiful, it was how you cared for the people around you, how you had thrown a party for his kids out of the kindness of your own heart, how you actually wanted to hear about his day, how you gave him a scalp massage when his head hurt - those were the things that had him utterly enraptured.Â
The party was just one testament to that. You had planned everything, down to the gift bags Joel knew you were hiding in the entryway closet. He had tried his best to help, forcing you to use his credit card for the supplies but even still, the event was all you. And if that wasnât enough, you made sure to check on him every so often throughout the day, never straying too far from him despite how busy you were with all the activities. It was as if you knew just how badly Joel wanted you near, that he felt like he might die if he wasnât in your orbit. He couldnât get over how lucky he was to have this, to have you. But as the playlist suddenly shifted, having been taken over by the âcoolerâ kid who only listened to classic rock, he felt himself floating away from the woman who kept him grounded.Â
Sixteen Years EarlierÂ
Sweat dripped down Joelâs back as he hopped off the stage, his heart pounding against his ribs as the barâs usual music system took his place. He chuckled to himself. Sure Motley Crue was fine, but the crowd wasnât there to see them. They were there to see his band, to see him. After a lifetime in the shadow of a far more amenable brother, an on and off girlfriend that was queen bee wherever she went, and a best friend with a sense of humor that could bring the house down, Joel was actually enjoying some of the attention being on him for once. He felt confident up on stage, like nothing could touch him anymore. However, the come down was always hard for him. That kind of high, the type that saturated his brain with endorphins and adrenaline, was hard to keep up once the set was finished.Â
After the first couple of beers of the night were tipped down Joelâs throat, along with the numerous rounds of shots that the crowd sent the band, he found that intoxicating excitement beginning to fade. The edges of his mind became fuzzy, along with the adrenaline that sparked a fire in his soul. Fearing that his mood might suddenly shift, Joel jumped at the chance to do a line with the first asshole who offered it to him. Coke wasnât really his thing but with the drinks flowing and a few girls in the circle leering at him from afar, he was feeling like getting into some trouble.Â
âFuck, thatâs some good shit eh Joel?,â Eugene laughed, clapping him on the back as he took the rolled up bill from his hand and replaced it with another drink.Â
Joel whooped in response, too fucked up to realize he was being obnoxious. Not that it mattered anyway. Everyone, even the bartenders, were too hammered to notice.Â
âWhat about you Tess? Feel like hitting the slopes?â
Joel groaned and shot Eugene a look for even asking. Tess didnât do drugs, at all, everyone knew that. Her father had been the townâs resident disaster once upon a time, which meant that nobody blamed her for steering clear of coke when it was made available to her. She stuck to the cheap whiskey she liked and the red filtered cigarettes that made him gag. That was risky enough as is.Â
âDonât be an idiot man, you know that she doesnât-â
âSure, why not.âÂ
Joel whipped his head around, his mind going blank as he watched Tess take the wrinkled dollar bill from Eugene. He wasnât sure what to do. Should he say something to stop her? Was that reasonable? Given the fact that she had just watched him snort about a hundred bucks up his own nose for the past hour, chastising her for doing the same felt a bit hypocritical.Â
Nevertheless, Joelâs stomach lurched as she leaned over and snorted up a hefty line off the table. Dread washed over him, prickling at his overstrung nerves until a cold sweat broke out on his back. He watched in awe as she left them to join in on some of the depravity unfolding on the dancefloor. Tess was on fire that night but even with a plethora of substances running through his system, he was inexplicably mortified. People came and went, offering their praises and free drinks to the table, but he remained.Â
âAw câmon Miller, stop being so glum! Weâre young, letâs go have some fun! Itâs not like any of us will remember this tomorrow anyways!,â Eugene hollered over the music as he slid from the booth and grabbed the closest blonde to drag towards the dancefloor.Â
But Joel was stuck to his seat, watching in horror as his best friend morphed into a version of herself that he didnât quite recognize. After a while he had eventually gotten up and went off to find Marlene, needing a distraction from the conflicting feelings that were ruining his night. He tried to take comfort in Eugeneâs words that night as he laid in bed, deciding that the drunken fool was right - that everyone was made invincible by their youth, that things would be back to normal by the time the sun came up again.Â
How stupid Joel had been to actually fool himself into believing it.Â
-Â
âEllie, I donât know how to tell you this but I think your dad is having a stroke.â
âShut the fuck up Jessie, you just have to do this.âÂ
The snap, snap, snap of Ellieâs fingers in his face drew him out of the past, making him blink as he refocused on his youngest and her friends standing in front of him. He looked down at the fistful of crumpled napkins he was strangling with his harsh grip and swore. How long had he been operating on autopilot? Based on the table that was set up with condiments and fixings, along with the smoke that lingered on his collar from the grill behind him, it had been at least an hour.Â
âOh, Iâm just uhâŠâ
âHey guys, it looks like Dinah and Henry are neck and neck in Mario Kart right now. She might even beat your score RileyâŠ,â you trailed off, grinning ear to ear when the group of teens took the bait and raced back into the house.Â
âChrist, thank you baby,â Joel sighed, chuckling to himself as he dropped the napkins and shifted back towards the grill to check on the burgers.Â
They were a bit well done, to say the least, but not completely unsalvageable. Or at least, thatâs what Joel told himself to assuage some of the guilt. With a heavy layer of cheese on top, along with all the other fixings, the slight charr would hopefully be covered up. Joel slid the patties onto a plate and huffed, feeling absolutely useless as he looked down at them. After everything you had done, he couldnât even get the food right, despite the fact that cooking was typically something he excelled at. He sighed, silently adding the slip to his long list of fuck ups.Â
âPenny for your thoughts, handsome?,â you sing songed, saddling up beside him with a goofy grin on your face.Â
âSânothing honey, itâs just that I only had the one job and look,â Joel groaned, shoving the plate in your face so that you could see his disgrace, âTheyâre fucking burnt to a crisp! Jesus, I donât know why Iâm so fucking useless today. Youâve worked so hard and I -â
Joelâs next words were muffled against your mouth, lost in the first few seconds of a kiss that somehow both broke his heart and built it back up again. He could have cried when he felt one of your hands come to rest over his heart, the other cupping his scruffy cheek with a reverence that made him feel like he was somehow the one that was precious. His hands shook as he let them come to rest on your hips but if you noticed, you didnât say anything. Instead, you let Joel pour all of that pain and grief, all of that ache that ravaged his very being into you. By the time he finally broke away, cursing the gods that either of you had to do something as trivial as breathe, he was about ready to beg you to never go home again.Â
âHey, look at me. The kids are having fun and the burgers look fine. Theyâre going to drown it in all the toppings anyways. They probably wonât notice a thing,â you said, laying a soft peck to the underside of his jaw before you took the plate from him and brought it back towards the table.Â
Joel watched your dress sway with the movement of your hips, rippling like water as you bent at the waste to set the burgers down. He was at a loss for words, utterly dazed as you flitted around the table and tried to make sure everything looked perfect. The warmth radiated off of you in waves, like the sun after years of nothing but rain. Something inside of him glowed as he gazed upon you, burning brighter than ever before. There was a word for that type of ache but he pushed any thoughts of that aside, deciding that it was much too soon for him to bear his soul like that. Instead, he refocused on the dress that drove him wild, smirking as his cock jumped in his jeans.Â
The fabric fit you in all the right places, taunting Joel as it clung to your breasts before rippling out into a more flowy-er shape that looked almost whimsical. Every slight movement gave him a glimpse of the curves he had memorized from the moment you had first dropped that damn towel. Joelâs nostrils flared as he remembered just how perfect you looked naked and glistening, staring up at him with your lower lip trapped beneath your teeth. And he watched you bend over the table to rearrange the plates, his patience suddenly snapped and he marched over, ignoring your shocked gasp as he yanked you towards the set of stairs that led to the backyard.Â
âJoel!,â you laughed, stumbling as you tried to keep up with his determined stride, âWhere are we going? I need to let the kids know that the food is ready. Theyâre probably still locked into that game.â
âExactly, weâve got some time,â he grunted, ignoring your squawk of surprise as he suddenly turned and shoved you up against the side of the house.Â
Joel loomed over you, planting one denim clad thigh in between your legs with a devilish grin. The dress he so dearly loved rode up, exposing your panty clad core to the rough fabric. A little wrinkle formed between your eyebrows as he gripped your hips, grinding you down on him in a way that had your mouth popping open and your eyes rolling back. Before you could say another word, he pressed a messy trail of sweet kisses and sharp nips up the side of your neck, rendering you absolutely useless every time his teeth scraped against the sensitive skin.Â
âF-Fuck Joel, what are you -â
âHereâs whatâs going to happen sweetheart,â Joel started, chuckling at your suddenly shaky knees, âSince youâve been so fucking amazing today, Iâm gonna give you two options. First option is you can rub that sweet little pussy all over my leg like I know you want to -â
The needy moan you let out only widened his smug grin.Â
âThe second is that I give her my fingers, stretch her out fâme like I know she likes,â Joel finished.Â
You nodded, the dazed look you gave him making his belly do a little flip.Â
âOkay baby, but I can only do that if you promise me that you can keep quiet. We donât need to be sending anyone home traumatized because they could hear ya from inside,â he teased, nostrils flaring as your hips began to buck against him.Â
There was nothing Joel would rather do than throw you down the ground, tearing your dress in two with his bare hands and rutting into you like a madman until you both exploded, but he couldnât. His kids were near, along with their extensive entourage, and he knew that he had about five minutes before someone came looking for a trusted adult. In that time he could only do so much and with his mind still reeling from the past, he needed to drown himself in you.Â
âT-Tongue please, I can -mm, fuck - be quiet. Just give me your mouth and Iâll be so good for you Joel,â you moaned for him, oh so sweetly.Â
Joel grinned, âSâthat right? Does that sweet little pussy want my mouth baby? Hmm, someone is feeling greedy today.âÂ
âI thought you said that you wanted it to be quick,â you joked breathily, getting a laugh from him in return. Â
âFair enough honey, now keep quiet for me.âÂ
Joel crouched down, uncaring of the dirt that would be caked onto his knees later as ripped your panties off and hiked one of your legs up over his shoulder. He kissed up your left thigh as you lifted your dress for him, exposing your dripping pussy to his hungry eyes so that he could finally worship it properly. With no time to spare, Joel buried his nose into the mess of curls that covered your mound and groaned, all sense of control gone as he dove in. Â
âOh fuck,â you gasped, throwing your head back as his tongue ran up and down your folds, lapping up every bit arousal he came across like it was the milk of the gods.Â
Not even heaven could compare to being in between your thighs, Joel was sure of it. With your free hand yanking on his hair, making him whine against you as he sucked your clit into his mouth, he was on cloud nine. His stiffened cock pressed against the zipper of his jeans, aching and leaking into his boxers as his tongue slipped inside of you. He was so lost in you, so utterly focused on tipping you over that edge that he didnât even notice you were saying something until his face was abruptly ripped away from where it belonged.Â
âT-Touch yourself, want you to cum for me too Joel,â you panted.Â
Joelâs eyes rolled into the back of his head at that and he sunk his teeth into the leg thrown over his shoulder in retort, muffling the tormented whine that threatened to slip past his lips in the doughy limb. You squeaked at the sting, a fresh wave of arousal leaking out of your core as you shivered and shook above him. It was way too easy for you to push his buttons, just one soft request from you and Joel was losing his inhibitions, forgetting about all of his other responsibilities so that he could heed your request. He grunted as he pulled himself free from the damp fabric, gritting his teeth as the first couple of tugs nearly ruined him.Â
âJesus baby, mâsorry. I ainât gonna last long,â Joe admitted, licking his lips as he stared at your glistening cunt, âSheâs just so pretty baby - fuck - she tastes so good too. She mustâve missed me, huh? Look at her just clenching around nothing. What does she need sweetheart?â
When you didnât answer him, Joel reached up and grabbed your chin, forcing your gaze away from the clouds so that you could focus on him alone. He needed you to see him, to watch as he played with your pussy until you were weeping for him.Â
âCâmon honey, use your words. Such a smart girl, I know you can do it,â he commanded, the mocking lilt to his tone making your breath catch and your thighs tremble.Â
âPlease.â
âPlease what?â
You whined petulantly, tears forming in your eyes as all of your senses became overwhelmed, but Joel was unrelenting. He laid kisses all over your thighs, his mustache slightly ticklish as he doted upon everywhere except where you really wanted him. While he teased, his thumb collected all of the precum that had spurted from his reddened tip, spreading it down the length of himself to ease the glide of his fist. Joelâs cock throbbed, hips twitching as he thought about just how delicious your pussy tasted when it gushed onto his tongue, but he stayed strong. He needed to hear you say it first.Â
âPlease baby, please make me cum,â you begged, the soft words in heavy contrast to the harsh tug on his hair that forced his face back between your thighs.Â
Joel went willingly, the desperate tugs on his cock getting faster as he sucked your clit in between his lips and batted it with his tongue like it had wronged him. A sharp whine was smothered beneath his palm as his tongue worked its way down to your entrance, plunging inside to drink up all of that sweet nectar straight from the source. He knew you were just as close as him, could feel it in the way your body curled in on itself as it started to become too much, but with how loud you were being, he wasnât sure he would be able to get you there without getting you both caught. With his cock steadily weeping into his fist, the thwap, thwap, thwap of his strokes growing wilder as he neared his end, he knew that he had to do something.Â
The fingers Joel slipped into your mouth made you pause for a moment before you abruptly started thrashing against his hold, moaning as you greedily sucked on them. You gagged on his thick digits, drool slipping out the sides of your kiss swollen lips as you whimpered around him. Joel groaned as your heel dug into the space between his shoulders, dragging him impossibly closer as your orgasm neared. He let you use him, utterly famished for his girl after two weeks of nothing but fleeting touches. But as he looked up and saw that your eyes were sealed shut, he pulled back, desperate to have your gaze trained on him as you reached your peak.Â
âLook at me baby,â Joel demanded into your folds, his muffled words snapping you out of the daze you were in.Â
The moment your eyes locked on his, Joel knew you were both done for. There was a moment where the two of you just stared at one another, with his tongue rubbing that sweet spot inside of you, his hips rutting into his slickened fist, and his nose smushed against your throbbing clit. A million sentiments - some filthy and some not - flashed through Joelâs mind in those few seconds. He longed to tell you how he would spend eternity eating your pussy if you let him, how heâd do anything to keep you happy, to care for you like nobody else could. But he had a feeling you already knew, could practically see it in the look of adoration you sent his way before your head snapped back and pleasure took hold.Â
Joel worked you through it, growling each time you tried to wiggle away from the intensity. He was determined to make you feel it, to show you just how starved he had been as he drank down everything you gave him. It was only once the last little bits of your orgasm petered off that Joel retracted himself, carefully easing his fingers from your mouth as he kissed the knee that slid off his shoulder. A hand was held out to him and he took it, smiling as he stood up and leaned in to kiss you. However, just before his lips could meet yours, he was roughly shoved into the wall.Â
âSweetheart, what are you - Hey! Wait, you donât have to - oh shit ha, ,â Joel bit down on his fist, eyes bulging as you got down on your knees and licked a stripe up the vein that ran along the underside of him.Â
âLike you said baby, weâve gotta be quick.â
With that you were off to the races, suckling on the tip of his pulsing cock for a few more seconds before you started taking him down your throat like a pro. Joel couldnât look away as you started bobbing your head, taking him deeper and deeper until he was buried all the way inside your throat. All he could do was pant and hold your hair back, dutifully keeping it out of your face as you sucked him dry.Â
Joel hissed as you swallowed around him, the feeling of your throat contracting around him making his toes curl. His face was red, his cock leaking an endless stream of precum as he neared his end. But it was when your hand reached up to play with his heavy sack that he nearly went cross eyed.Â
âBaby, baby, baby, fuck. Jesus that mouth, so good fâme, too good. Mâgonna ruin you someday soon, ya know that right? Shi-it, c-canât wait to make you cum on my cock. That sweet pussy is never gonna want anyone else. Mmm oh fuck, neither am I,â Joel rambled, every higher thought flung out the window as you milked him for all he was worth.Â
The moan you let out in response vibrated against his cock, launching him into space in an instant. Joel fought against his own body as he came, refusing to let his eyes slide closed for even a second so that he could witness everything. He groaned as his cum sprayed the back of your throat, his release seemingly unending as you eagerly swallowed every bit of it. By the time you finally let his spent cock fall from your lips, he was sure that you were some kind of sorceress or sex goddess. He sighed into the kiss you shared after he pulled you off the ground, wishing like hell he had the time to do something more about it.Â
âMm, we taste good,â you murmured when you pulled away, shocking him into silence as you plucked your soiled panties off the ground and slipped them into his pocket, âNow, be a good boy and get cleaned up before you follow me back. Thereâs mouths to feed.â
Joelâs jaw dropped as you spun on your heel and left him behind, somehow more put together than before as you skipped around the corner like the nymph you were. He chuckled and shook his head, looking down at the wreckage you had left behind. Although the ordeal had started with him in charge, by the end of it you held all the strings. Or perhaps you had held them the entire time, he didnât know. All Joel knew for certain was that you were becoming an addiction and if he didnât get some more alone time with you soon, he was pretty sure that he was going to combust. He shoved his cock back into his pants as he heard the glass door slide open, raking his hands through his mussed strands a few times before he decided to rejoin the party.Â
Your eyes flashed with something akin to satisfaction as Joel awkwardly appeared out of nowhere, mumbling a quick excuse that none of the kids paid attention to before he hastened over to your side. He shook his head as you playfully nudged him, snickering at his pink cheeks and messy hair as you handed him a fully loaded plate.Â
âYeah, yeah, keep laughing sweetheart. Weâll see how funny it is later,â Joel muttered.Â
You smirked, âIâm gonna hold you to that one cowboy.âÂ
Joel rolled his eyes, mumbling about how much of a minx you were as he followed you back to the comfy bench that was shoved up against the corner. The two of you ate in relative silence, watching as the teens inhaled the food and chatted about everything under the sun. As Joel inhaled the food, he found his gaze continuously sliding back towards you, towards the woman that had made the day so special. He had originally been unable to grasp the reason why you were different from anyone else but the more time he spent with you, the more he got to see just how special you made everyone feel, the clearer it became.Â
- You -Â
As the last few stragglers filtered out, you began to wonder where Joel had gone. The party had been a major success, with all of the kids too hopped up on treats and games to notice that the man of the house was off to the side, staring into space for the majority of the day, but you did. You longed to rush over to him, to cover his face in kisses until the cool exterior cracked, but you couldnât. The activities you had planned kept you busy, which meant that you had to watch from afar as your boyfriend was sucked into some kind of misery you couldnât fully understand.Â
Joel had spent most of his day spot cleaning, which you knew meant trouble. After two weeks of living with the man, you had learned that he was a bit of a stress cleaner. However, the one upside to Joelâs stress cleaning was that you barely had anything to clean up when everyone was gone. All you had left to do was shove the plates into the dishwasher and it was done. You sighed, drumming your fingers against the counter as you tried to remember where you had last seen your boyfriend.Â
âHey since Ellie is going to Jessieâs for the night, can I go stay at Dinahâs? I took all the floaties out of the pool like you asked,â Sarah chirped, the sound of her soft voice bringing you out of your stupor.Â
You blinked at her, unsure of how to respond. On one hand, you were pretty sure that Joel wouldnât care if Sarah went to Dinahâs for the night, especially since the two of them seemed to take turns at the otherâs homes every other weekend. But on the other hand, as the new girlfriend, you didnât want to overstep. The last thing you wanted was to further stress out your elusive partner by sending one of his kids off to an unwanted sleepover.Â
âUh⊠Thanks for thinking of me in that way, but I donât think thatâs my jurisdiction kid. Youâre gonna have to ask your dad, but Iâm sure heâll be okay with it,â you awkwardly answered.Â
She shrugged, âHe told me to ask you.â
Utterly flabbergasted, you cocked your head at her, trying to discern if she was telling the truth. Sarah stared straight back at you, her expression wide open and honest, which only worried you even more. If Joel was so distracted that he had fumbled and passed off the question to you, he must surely be having some sort of out of body experience. You sighed, a bit of grief playing at your heartstrings as you realized how distraught the man must be. That was the thing about healing - it was just as painful as it was necessary.Â
âOh okay, um⊠Sure?,â you offered, trying to sound at least somewhat parental, âJust um⊠Call us if you need anything I guess.â
âYouâve gotta work on the execution, but not bad,â she teased.Â
Sarah laughed when you gave her a playful shove, holding her hands up in defeat as she retreated back to where her friend was waiting for her to go. When the front door clicked shut, you sighed, throwing the dish towel on to the counter as the silence of the once packed home sunk in. Joel was somewhere on the property, you knew that based on the truck still parked in the driveway, you just had to find him.Â
The bedroom upstairs was empty, with nothing but dirty clothes that smelled of the both of you and dog eared books left on the nightstand there to greet you. The garage held no signs of Joel either, aside from the dripping bags of recyclables that he had stacked along the wall. A trail of sticky juice led towards the door to the backyard and you followed, finally catching sight of the beautiful man as he stood with back turned away from you.Â
Joel didnât notice when you walked up behind him but that wasnât unusual. Years of noisy job sites, mixed with a habit of forgetting his ear plugs, meant that his hearing was shit. So much so that you often joked that heâd be deaf by the time he was fifty. Nevertheless, as you approached Joel, you took advantage of his attention being elsewhere so that you could gawk at him a bit. The orangeish glow of the setting sun showed off the few strands of silver beginning to sprout in his mess of dark curls, making him look incredibly handsome as he glared at the shimmering water. Even with the tension in his shoulders and his jaw clenched tight, he still made your knees weak.Â
âShit,â Joel hissed when you hesitantly placed a hand on his lower back, chuckling as he was snapped out of whatever memory he was lost in.Â
âSorry baby, I just thought Iâd let you know that all the kids are all gone and everything is cleaned up. Weâve got the house to ourselves, I thought maybe we could watch a movie or something?,â you suggested, wrapping your arms around his neck.Â
He blinked, âAll of them are gone? Whereâs Sarah?âÂ
Fuck. That was exactly what you were worried about when you said yes to her request.Â
âUh, you donât remember? She said that you told her to come ask me. Iâm so sorry Joel, I was confused when she told me that but I figured youâd be fine with it,â you rushed out, only stopping when his hands cupped your face.Â
Before you could dig yourself a deeper hole, Joel kissed you, effectively shutting out any worries about overstepping as his lips moved against yours. He sighed and you cheered internally, thanking every higher power as you felt his muscles relax a bit. His hands kneaded your hips, greedily squeezing your curves as pulled you even closer. A small heartbeat started between your thighs as Joel deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue into your mouth so that he could claim it as his own. You were like putty in his hands, happily bending to his will until you suddenly remembered why you had come out in the first place.Â
âJoel, wait,â you panted as you pulled away, already missing him as he stared down at you with heavy lidded eyes.Â
âWhatâs wrong baby?,â Joel asked, his big hands brushing over every inch of you like he was trying to look for any sign of injury, âWas I being too rough?âÂ
A pleased grin spread across your face. What a gorgeous man, you thought. How lucky you were to find someone who was so unendingly kind and caring no matter how vexed he was. Even in the depths of self inflicted torture, his dedication to your well being was sacred. A surge of something all encompassing and bright bloomed in your chest, as it usually did when you were around him, and you pressed a kiss to one of his rough palms in thanks.Â
âYou didnât hurt me baby, you never could,â you sighed, grinning as his adoration washed over you, âI just wanted to see if youâre okay. I know today was hard for you, Iâm sorry I couldnât be more helpful. The kids kept me pretty busy.â
âDonât be apologizinâ for that sweet girl. You were amazing today, they had a blast and I-,â he huffed and shook his head, âShit baby, Iâm the one that should be sorry, Iâve been a dick all day.âÂ
The grief stricken look Joel sent your way made your stomach roil. The anguish he felt for doing something as mundane as having a bad day on display was heartbreaking. He was so used to being the strong one, that much was clear each time he had to grit his teeth through a recollection, or how he oftentimes felt guilty for leaning on you, but you were determined to break him of it. If there was one thing you knew for sure, it was that Joel Miller deserved to be loved. He deserved for someone to hold his heart in their palms with the gentlest of hands, to scare away all of the boogeymen that lurked in the shadows of his mind. That someone was going to be you, it had to be.Â
âJoel, youâre allowed to feel things - even if those things are bad,â you murmured against his lips, refusing to let go of him even when his roaming hands stilled, âJust be here with me. You donât have to be happy, or sad, or anything except for yourself. Iâll be here either way.â
Joel groaned and placed his forehead against yours, those big puppy dog eyes swallowing you whole as he pressed you even closer.Â
âYouâre too good for me honey.â
âEnough of that, weâre exactly right for each other. No ifs, ands, or buts,â you said, pressing a kiss to his scruffy cheek as you added, âNow stop talking shit about my boyfriend or else Iâm gonna kick your ass. Heâs a good man, handsome too.âÂ
He laughed and shook his head, âApologies maâam.âÂ
The silence that fell between the two of you was lighter than before, with the sound of birds chirping from the trees perfectly framing the moment. The harsh lines etched into Joelâs face had softened, replaced by the awe struck look he usually blessed you with. That look made your heart stutter, your world tilt on its head, your stomach do little flips, and every other cheesy metaphor that existed. He brushed some of the hair off of your sweaty forehead, raking it through your scalp in a way that he knew you loved.Â
âWhat do you want to do Joel? Weâve got the night to ourselves,â you breathed, his hands leaving you so boneless that you couldnât help but lean into him.Â
âMmm, I donât know. Pretty sure that I need to shower. Itâs fucking hot out and I reek,â Joel chuckled.Â
An idea popped into your head and you smiled, removing your face from where it was pressed into his chest so that you could look up at him.Â
âOh really?â
âI mean, yeah? Arenât you hot too? Itâs been hotter than - hey, what are you - ah!â
Joel flopped backwards, the look of pure shock on his face making you throw your head back and cackle. The force of his body slapping against the surface sent a shockwave throughout the pool, gifting you with an immediate dose of karma as the lower half of your body became soaked. He was only under for a few seconds but when he came up he looked absolutely pissed. Joel sputtered for a few seconds before his eyes darkened and he swam over. Your smile faltered at the dangerous glint in his eye, briefly wondering if you had read the situation wrong.Â
âJoel, I am so sorry. I donât know why I did that, I thought it was going to be funny.â
Joel pulled himself out of the pool, the thick muscles in his biceps flexing with the effort as he stood and turned towards you. The darkness in his eyes took you off guard and you took a step backwards, daunted by the downright predatory look he was giving you. He licked his lips as he stalked towards you, only coming to a stop when chest was inches away from your face. A strange urge to lean forward and press your lips against the damp fabric took hold, but you ignored it. The last thing you wanted to do was poke the bear⊠Or did you?Â
âI-Iâm sorry,â you whispered as your face grew warm under his stare.Â
âOh youâre gonna be darling.âÂ
You shrieked as Joel launched you into space, limbs flailing as you fought against the inevitable. A sharp smack resounded through the air as you belly flopped, the sting of it nothing compared to the shock of the cool water. After a day filled with games and activities, most of which were either under the sun, in a cramped house, or in a stuffy kitchen, you hadnât realized just how overheated you were. The water was like ice, leeching all the warmth from your skin as you sunk to the bottom. There was a part of you that wanted to see how long it would take Joel to come after you, but you pushed any thoughts of fucking with him away. The payback wasnât worth further aggravating his nervous system.Â
âAsshole!,â you shouted as you breached the surface, only to find him no longer laughing at you from the deck.Â
Joel grinned at you from the other end of the pool, his shirt discarded and his chest now on full display for you as he waded towards the drop off point. With a small smile, you doggy paddled over, only getting more giddy the closer he got. He met you in the middle, laughing as he took you in his arms and blew a wet raspberry into your chest that made you squeal.Â
âJoel!,â you giggled, the ticklish sensation making squirm in his grasp.Â
He chuckled, âYou started this sweet girl.â
Joel pulled his face from the crook of your neck, placing one last smooch to your forehead before he finally relented. The goofy grin plastered over his face as he looked down upon you could move mountains, you were sure of it. Joel walked the both of you over to the edge of the pool and lifted you up, planting himself between your thighs so that he could continue to beam at you like an excited little boy. Not that you were any better, mooning over him like a lovesick idiot as you formed ringlets in his hair with your fingers. He let you do it, not caring that they would likely dry into loose curls as he started to kiss every bit of wet skin exposed to him.Â
âHmm, youâre so beautiful baby. Itâs unfair,â Joel mused as he mouthed at the underside of your jaw, his teeth bruising the sensitive skin, âCanât believe I get to have ya all to myself darling, my sweet girl - all mine.âÂ
His canines sunk into your chest, drawing a sharp whine that made you dig your fingernails into his shoulders.Â
âPlease,â you gasped, somehow already worked up despite the fact that he had barely even touched you yet.Â
âPlease what?,â Joel chuckled, reaching down to snap your legs open and crowd the space between them, âWeâre all alone now honey, you can ask me for anything you want.âÂ
A delicious throb started at the apex of your thighs, spurred on by the feeling of Joelâs hardened cock pressing against your core. It had been two weeks since you started sleeping in his bed every night, two weeks since you began sharing meals and stealing his clothes, and yet his body had remained off limits for the entirety of it. Joel eating you out earlier that day had been the most action you had gotten in weeks and you were getting desperate, absolutely famished for him as you watched him go through even the most mundane tasks. It was pathetic really, how you drooled over him as he did something as boring as taking out the trash or handing you a lunchbox before you slid out of his truck every morning and skipped into work. He hadnât even fucked you and yet, his actions - along with his wicked tongue - were seemingly enough to make you absolutely whipped.Â
The build up was becoming unbearable. Nearly two months had passed since Joel first made your pussy gush on your infamous move-in day and the burning desire was getting impossible to ignore. Frustration and lust had taken hold of you, causing you to grind down against him in the backyard with the kind of desperation you would have once thought to be fake. But who were you kidding? For Joel Miller, you couldnât help but be desperate and based on the fact that he was rutting against you with the same level of intensity, the feeling was clearly mutual.Â
âI canât take it anymore Joel, waited for so long,â you whimpered as you laced your fingers through his hair and pulled hard, âI need it baby, need you to fuck me.âÂ
Joelâs eyes turned black and he licked his lips, pulling you closer as he studied your face. Your cheeks grew warm under his stare and he softened, nudging his nose against yours until you cracked a grin.Â
âAre you sure? We can wait if youâre not ready,â he assured you, searching for any sign of hesitation as he gently cupped your face, âI really donât mind honey.â
The thing was, everytime Joel reassured you, everytime he showed you how perfectly happy he was just spending time with you - no strings attached - he only made you want him more. It was yet another reminder of his all encompassing devotion, of how much more he cared about your needs rather than his own wants. A small thing for most, but as a woman who had been guilted into far too many fucks that served somebody elseâs purpose, you relished in it.Â
âBaby, youâre so sweet,â you cooed, pressing a small kiss to his nose before you pulled away to add, âBut if you donât fuck me right now, Iâm going to go upstairs and take care of it myself.â
âYouâre what?!,â he squawked.Â
âMm hm, gonna get your sheets all nice and wet without you. I think my vibrator is in one of my bags so it probably wonât take too longâŠâÂ
Joel groaned at the thought of you flying solo, silencing you with a fierce kiss that left you breathless. He yanked at the hem of your dress, exposing your nipples to the tepid air so that he could pinch and roll them between his calloused fingertips. You moaned against his mouth, bucking your hips against the hefty bulge in his pants as the heat became unbearable. A small whine left your mouth as you fumbled with Joelâs belt buckle, the anticipation blocking out everything else, but he batted your hands away before you could get it undone. A string of spit connected your swollen mouths when he finally pulled away for air and you watched as it stretched and split, absolutely dazed from the feeling of his hands all over you.Â
âNot yet baby,â he cooed, pouting at your trembling lower lip as he added, âAw, I know, but Iâve gotta get her ready for my cock first. Such a tight little cunt, I wouldnât want to hurt her. Wanna make you feel good sweet girl, gonna have that pussy crying fâme.âÂ
âFuck Joel,â you whimpered at his words, throwing your head back as his mouth trailed down your neck and chest, âHas anybody - mmphf - ever told you that youâve got a filthy mouth?âÂ
âNobody as special as you honey.â
Your response was lost as Joel sucked one of your hardened nipples into his mouth, groaning muffled curses into your chest and grinding against you hard as he did. He teased the nub until it was swollen, the sharp zaps of pleasure from his tongue and teeth making you whine for him. Just when you thought he might let up, he switched sides, chomping down on the other nipple with a broken whimper that made your pussy clench around nothing. He was so vocal, his pained groans assuring you that this was real - that Joel Miller craved you just as much as you craved him. Every breathy sigh was answered by a growl or a whimpered grunt from him, the sound of his desperation building up not only your lust, but your confidence as well.Â
âFuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, please Joel,â you cried out, unable to articulate anything else in the state you were in.Â
Joel pulled away, absolutely gone as he started grabbing at the wet fabric that clung to you in an attempt to get it off. He grunted at the string sitting between your breasts, yanking on the double knot you had tied that morning a few times before he broke and tore the garment straight down the middle. You gasped as you were exposed to the open air, too turned on by the brazen act to care about the destruction of one of your favourite dresses.Â
âMâgonna buy you another one,â Joel promised mindlessly, grabbing at every inch of wet skin as he tore you from the confines of the dress, âFuck, mâgonna buy you a million dresses just so that I can rip them all off of ya. So sexy like this baby, ya know that right? Drivinâ me nuts.â
You nodded, âI-Iâd let you. Whenever you want, please just fuck me.â
âAsk and you will receive darling.âÂ
Joel tore your panties clean off, grinning ear to ear at the drenched seam inches from his face for a brief moment before he leaned forward and suffocated himself. He didnât ease you into the pleasure as he had before, likely sensing just how worked up you had been since he had lapped at your folds earlier that day. Instead he dove in, spreading you wide so that he could devour you like a man starved, practically making out with your pussy as you squirmed and dripped for him. Everytime he ate you out it was passionate and filthy, his brow pinched and his cock hard as he lost himself in the taste. But with nobody around to hear your choked moans, he was downright unhinged.Â
Joel whined as you yanked his head closer, uncaring of how your thighs clenched around his head as you used him. Oxygen seemed to be the last thing on his mind as he slipped two fingers inside of you, chuckling against your sopping cunt as your heels dug into his upper back for purchase. The digits were a bit of a stretch, especially with how empty he had left you for days, but the slight pinch only added to the pleasure. Before long you were arching against the concrete, trembling as his tongue swirled over your clit and a third finger joined the rest.Â
âGood girl, keep makinâ those pretty noises fâme. Want everyone on the block to know just how good I take care of this sweet little pussy, want them to hear you scream for me,â Joel muttered as he pulled away, his wet lips brushing against the inside of your thigh with each syllable.Â
His digits continued to drill that sweet spot along your front wall, forcing a litany of stuttered swears and calls of his name to tumble out. There was only one person on the block that Joel could possibly be talking about, the same person who made him downright territorial every time he came around. The thought of your ex hearing Joel take you apart flustered you in the best way possible, his suddenly dominating presence acting as yet another reminder of the protectiveness he felt over you. And at that moment, with him goading you into screaming for him as he worked you up like nobody ever had, you couldnât help but acquiesce to his request. All it took was him sucking your throbbing clit into his mouth, his fingers pounding into you so viciously that tears came to your eyes, and you were gone.Â
Let him hear, you thought as you let Joel consume you, let them all hear how good Joel Miller takes care of his girl.Â
The steady rhythm of Joelâs fingers picked up a bit as you rode it out and your thighs shook around his head, forcing him to hold your hips against the concrete as he kept going. The pressure only heightened as he placed his hand on your lower abdomen, pressing down there while his thick fingers hammered against your g-spot like he was angry with it. Your pussy seized up as you choked on air, your entire body going tense for a second before it locked Joelâs fingers in place once more. A small shriek of his name escaped your lips as you tipped over the edge again, followed by a pained groan that made all of the nearby birds take flight. Joel moaned as he drank it all in, his pace unending as your pussy clenched and unclenched around his thick digits like they were trying to coax him in even further.Â
âJooooel,â you keened, struggling to see through the stars in your eyes as his pace remained relentless, âYou can stop baby, I-I came, you made me cum twice! I- fuuuuuuuck.â
Joel ignored your assurances, seemingly undeterred by your previous releases as he chased the next one. You were slightly confused, having never been afforded such a treat by any lover before him. Usually you were lucky to get even one, much less three. However, given the fact that you could already feel your pussy twitching to life once more, you were too busy being fucked senseless to dwell on it. He kept his pace the same, drawing out a steady stream of arousal that slid all the way down your asscrack and drenched his face, marking him as undeniably yours. He groaned into your folds and once more, the dam broke.Â
âFuck, right there baby - yes, yes, yes, yes,â you panted, eyes rolling into the back of your head as you let go again.Â
The third orgasm Joel ripped from you was stronger than the other two, almost violent as it stole your breath and caused you to flop against the concrete like you were having a seizure. He chuckled into your folds and the vibration of it only prolonged your release, earning him more than a few brutal tugs on his gorgeous locks as you struggled to hold on to reality. When he finally pulled away from your core, you were a mess, absolutely destroyed as you watched him pull his drenched fingers out of your core and suck them into his mouth. Joel moaned at the taste, sighing wistfully as he licked up every drop like it was the sweetest thing he had ever tasted. It was an incredibly erotic sight and although you had just cum on his face three times, you were already yearning for him all over again.Â
âJoel,â you whispered, fat tears forming along your lash line by the time his gaze snapped back up at you, âPlease, it hurts baby. Need you to make it better.âÂ
âGet up.â
âW-What?,â you stammered, still too dazed to fully understand the instruction.Â
Joel sighed and hauled himself back up onto the side, grunting as he got to his feet and tore you from you from the concrete. Your small shriek soon morphed into giggles and moans as he cradled you in his arms. He stumbled towards the porch like a man on a mission, sucking bruises onto your chest and neck that you would cherish for the next week or so. Any one of Joelâs nextdoor neighbours could have caught a glimpse of you, completely naked as your shirtless boyfriend plopped your ass down on the glass table on the porch, but you didnât give a flying fuck. Let them watch how good you made each other feel, bodies soaked and hearts beating in unison under the blazing sun.Â
Joel yanked on his belt before you could say anything about the fact that you could easily see into the houses that flanked his, but you had a feeling he knew anyway. There was a possessive streak in him that you loved, a deep seeded desire he held to ruin you in front of everyone so that they knew you were his. It didnât bother you. In fact, you were just as territorial over him. Being claimed so openly would have once made you cringe but with Joel wrapped around you, worshipping every inch of you like your body was something sacred, you had never felt so wanted in your life.Â
âGod, sheâs so fucking wet fâme huh? Have I been neglectful baby? Didnât mean to keep her waiting for so long but - shit,â Joel hissed through his teeth, grabbing your throat as you locked your ankles around him and forced him closer, âOh honey, youâre playing a dangerous game.âÂ
Joelâs thumb brushed over your pulse point, not pressing down, just simply holding you there with a possessiveness in his gaze that made you shudder. His cock rested in between you, the sight of it laying against your tummy as erotic as it was slightly terrifying. Joel was a big guy - with his hands, his presence, his heart, and his fucking cock - all well past average. You stared down at it, pussy fluttering around nothing as it started to glide through your arousal. He was so thick and long, a daunting feat for any partner, but you were crazy enough about him to try.Â
âSo big,â you mumbled to yourself, all heavy lidded eyes and liquid limbs as it nudged your clit on every swipe.Â
Joel leaned in and gave you a kiss, the gentleness in sharp contrast to his steady grip on your neck and the filthy grind between your legs. His lips moved against yours in tandem and your face warmed as something akin to affection burned like wildfire in your chest. The feeling was so strong that it left you breathless when he pulled away, causing you to chase his lips until he was forced to give you a tiny peck to appease your needy whines. Â
âReady baby?â Joel questioned, stilling his movements so that you could answer him properly.Â
âJust be careful please, Iâm uhâŠ,â you gulped, eyes wide with fear as you stared down at the monster that hung heavy between his legs, âIâm not sure itâs going to fit, itâs been a while and youâre fucking huge babe.â
âAw darling, donât you worry âbout a thing. Iâll make it fit,â he drawled as the tip of his dick caught on your clenching hole.Â
He held it there for a moment, the heavy weight of him threatening to split you in two before he pulled back and continued the teasing grind. You whined petulantly, thrashing against the table so hard that it scooted a few feet back. Joel swore and yanked you back towards him, chuckling at your desperation as you breathily cussed him out for being such a tease.Â
âThat ainât how you get your way baby, need to hear ya say it,â Joel chuckled, ignoring your garbled pleas as he resumed the sensual glide, âUse your words and maybe Iâll stretch that little pussy out on my cock. Isnât that what you want? Câmon honey, be good fâme.âÂ
âPlease,â you meekly begged, fingernails leaving harsh red lines down his back as his cock halted at your entrance again, âBaby fuck, I need your cock. I canât wait any longer.âÂ
Joel grinned, prodding at your entrance with more intention before he suddenly stilled. His back went rigid and you cocked your head at him, head whipping around as you tried to pinpoint a reason for the hold up. He slapped at his pockets for a moment, cursing under his breath as he suddenly turned his gaze towards the house.Â
âWhat?,â you panted, trying to urge him forward with your calves.Â
âMâsorry honey, my wallet is inside. I donât have any condoms on me,â he swore and shook his head, âFuck, that one might be expired anyway. Itâs uh⊠Itâs been a while for me too.âÂ
You blinked, the innocent surprise on your face soon morphing into a devilish grin.Â
âThank you for offering baby, thatâs so sweet. But Iâm on the pill and I got tested after everything that happened in Miami so⊠You could just cum inside of me? If you wanted to?â
Joel halted for a moment and you could practically see the wheels turning inside of his head. His cock twitched hard against you, precum pouring from it as his cheeks grew redder by the second. It was like he was glitching in real time, a flustered sweat breaking out on his chest as he gulped and cussed under his breath.Â
âOr you could just leave me out here, naked and waiting, while you go get a - FUCK! Thank you, thank you, thank you.âÂ
The first few seconds were glorious, making you dissolve into pitiful whines and choked groans. However, as the tip of his cock slowly made its way further inside - the size of it making your mouth drop open in awe - you knew that you had fucked up. Joel hissed as you locked up around him, halting his movements once the first few inches popped inside. Just the tip of his cock was roughly the size of a plum, making your eyes widen and your pussy throb as he stretched you beyond belief. He grunted when you clenched down on him, his hands stilling your squirming limbs to keep you from accidentally impaling yourself even more.Â
âOh my god, oh my god, ohmygoood,â you croaked as your body fought against the intrusion.Â
âCâmon sweet girl, ya just gotta relax fâme. I know it hurts, but weâre gonna take it real slow mâkay? Mâgonna make you feel so, so, good baby - just like you deserve. I promise. You trust me right?,â Joel asked gently, smiling when you shakily nodded up at him.Â
âMm, yes! Fuck, I trust you Joel, trust you so much. More than anyone,â you babbled, already so gone off of barely a quarter of him. Â
He grinned, cooing as he wiped up some of the hot tears that spilled from the corners of your glossy eyes.Â
âSuch a good girl. Now letâs get you nice and filled up, shall we?â
With that, Joelâs hand drifted downwards, playing with the mess of curls on your mound for a second before his thumb landed on your sore clit. He rubbed small circles over it, causing your head to snap back against the sun kissed glass as zaps of pain/pleasure skittered up your spine. Slick dripped from your core, giving him just enough wiggle room to slide in a couple inches before he inevitably had to stop again. You panted as you tried to adjust, mind spinning from just the sheer weight of his throbbing cock sitting about an inch away from the halfway mark.  Â
âJooooeeel, please,â you begged, unsure of what it was you were begging him for.Â
âI know, I know, but look honey - weâre almost halfway,â Joel encouraged, mouthing at your neck until you relaxed a bit more, âFuck, sheâs so tight darling. Bet sheâs never been filled up like this before, huh? Thatâs okay, Iâll fix that. Gonna ruin her for any other cock, just you wait. Youâll be taking it like a pro in no time.âÂ
âAlready nngh,â you whimpered, hands slapping at his chest as he finally reached halfway, âYou already ruined me baby - fuck.â
He softened at your words, his eyes warm and a small grin tugging at the sides of his mouth as the hand on your neck moved upwards to cup the side of your face. Big brown pools of melted chocolate held you in their embrace, beating back all of your fears and worries as they gazed at you like you were something holy.Â
âYouâve ruined me too sweetheart,â Joel promised as he leaned back down, his nose brushing against yours as he whispered, âThereâs no going back now baby, Iâm yours.â
The wrecked moan you let out in response was muffled against his mouth as he captured your lips with his again. The kiss Joel gave you was different from all the previous ones, the enormity of the moment making your heart beat even harder than before. It was the unspoken promise that lingered beneath his words, a vow that said that no matter what happened, he would remain. The both of you groaned in unison as your walls finally fully relaxed, blooming beautifully under the warmth of his devotion. Joel guided himself all the way home in one never ending glide that nearly blinded you, sighing in relief when he bottomed out with no more than a small pinch. He broke the kiss once he was fully sheathed, pressing his lips all over your face in thanks as his cock throbbed from the stranglehold you had on him.Â
âYâalright baby? Christ, youâre so fucking tight, just choking my cock like a - shit, mmpf - like a vice. Youâre fucking incredible. Shit, see how good we look together?,â Joel rambled, his mind seemingly just as gone as yours as he pinched your chin and forced you to look down.Â
The sound you made was animalistic, the high pitched whimper resembling that of a wounded animal, but you couldnât care less. How could you care about that when Joel was stuffed inside of you, his wide girth spearing you open an unseemingly amount as he stood there balls deep. The hair on his thighs was sticky with the arousal that gushed out of you, a ring of white already forming around the base of his cock as he waited for the go ahead. You were at a loss for words, completely brain dead at the sight of the hefty outline beneath your navel and the adoration in his eyes. Cock dumb and entirely enamored by the hulking man that was scrambling your insides, you nodded up at him, wordlessly urging him to move.Â
Joelâs thumb resumed its careful circles and you hissed, overwhelmed by the sharp pangs of ecstasy that swirled in your gut. He drew his hips back and forth a few times, testing the waters as you leaked onto the table below. The heavy drag of him inside of you, pressing against every sweet spot you didnât even know existed, already had you close to the brink. The knot in your tummy tightened, causing you to tremble all over as he filled you to the brim over and over.Â
You slapped a hand over your mouth as Joel started a slow yet hard pace, not wanting the entire neighbourhood to hear your little uh, uh, uhs every time his cock pressed against something so deep inside that it made your toes curl. Nothing and nobody had ever been so deep, stretching you out so wide that you were sure you would be gaping for him when he finally pulled out. Joel stuffed you airtight each time he slid back in, leaving you with no choice but to double down on the grip you had on your mouth. However, the second he caught a glimpse of you stifling all the wrecked moans he was tearing from you, he tore it clean off.Â
âNuh uh darling, wanna hear my pretty girl sing for me,â Joel tsked, smiling like a maniac as you began to moan wantonly into the wind.Â
âD-Deep, youâre so deep Joel - oh f-fuck - gonna cum already. Itâs gonna be too - right there, shit - sâgonna be too loud. Mâgonna be loud, canât help it. Sâtoo big, never had something so big inside of me baby,â you slurred.Â
However, that only seemed to spur him on even more. Joelâs pace picked up, forcing a broken wail from you that would have made a pornstar blush. He grinned like a cat that had just got its cream, pressing his thumb down so hard on your clit that you had to wrap your arms around his neck and yank him closer just so that you didnât fall off the face of the earth. His thrusts remained brutal, his massive cock rearranging all of your insides as you sobbed for more, more, more. With your mouths pressed together, sharing breaths as Joel pummeled into you harder and harder, you found yourself grunting like a feral beast as he dragged you towards the edge. Your legs began to shake around his hips, the flames that licked at your spine burning brighter than ever before as your release barreled towards you. Â
Words failed as you twitched and moaned an endless stream of Joelâs name. He answered each cry with passion, muttering praises and obscene promises as he let himself get lost in the moment. Sweat dripped down his neck and chest, the beads rolling down his abdomen in a way that made him look like he was glowing under the fading sun. Despite the heat, you pulled him even closer, desperate for the feeling of his body molded to yours as he fucked your pussy into submission. As if Joel knew you needed a bit more, he leaned back and hiked one leg up over his shoulder, sealing your fate the moment he pressed in so deep that it stole all of the air from your lungs. He huffed a laugh as he bent you in two, pressing a kiss to one of the hands that pushed against his chest as it all became too much.Â
âOh fuck, fuck, f-fuck!,â you sobbed, a fresh line of tears pouring down your cheeks as you finally reached your peak.Â
All of the muscles in your lower abdomen tensed, pulling together so tight that it almost hurt before you started convulsing. Earth shattering pleasure exploded from your core, leaving you a mess of half shrieked praises and cockdrunk pleas. Joel groaned as your walls contracted around him, trying desperately to milk a torrent of hot cum from him. He gritted his teeth, hissing your name under his breath as he regained his pace so that he could work you through it. The pleasure was never ending, the release so intense that it made your tummy burn. All you could do was take it, trapped beneath his heavy weight and the enormous cock that had you drooling as it continued to fuck your pulsing cunt stupid.Â
Joel slowed down as the last bit of your release petered off, kissing the inside of your left knee before he carefully lowered it back down to wrap around his waist. He rubbed at your hips, cooing as you made grabby hands at him. Ever so carefully, he wrapped his arms around you again and lifted you from the glass. A high pitched whine tumbled as his cock bumped your cervix with every step, forcing you to cling to him like a koala bear to keep from impaling yourself on him. His belt jingled as he carried you towards the house and you had no choice but to bury your face into the crook of his neck, mouthing at the skin to keep yourself occupied.Â
âShhh baby, s'alright, Iâve gotcha. Iâm just changing venues. The neighbours have gotten enough of a show for today. We donât need anyone seeing what Iâm gonna do to ya next,â Joel teased, his words forcing you from the bruise you were worrying into the patch of skin below his ear.Â
âNgh, fuck,â you hissed, whining as his cock continued to rock inside of you with every determined step, âWhat do you mean? Weâre not done?â
âOh sweetheart,â Joel chuckled, pressing a kiss to the side of your face as he shut the door and set you down on the kitchen table, âNot even close.â
Without any warning, he pulled himself out of you, watching as a heady mixture of his precum and your arousal poured out of your gaping hole. Joel groaned at the sight, teasing your entrance a few times with the tip of him before he abruptly flipped you around. He playfully slapped your ass as he bent you over the kitchen table, chuckling at the broken whine you failed to suppress. You were about to cuss him out before his fingers dug into your hair, yanking it to the side so that he could whisper in your ear.Â
âYou still good honey?,â Joel checked in, the feeling of his breath ghosting over your neck causing you to shudder and buck against his hold, âWe can stop at any time if youâre not feeling it anymore, just say the word baby.âÂ
You grinned, craning your neck so that you could throw your best set of heart eyes at the ridiculously attractive man that towered over you. All the brown in his eyes was gone, replaced with nothing but all encompassing black pools that had marked you as prey. And yet, there he was, still checking in on you to make sure you were okay. It made you wiggle your hips against him, stopping only when his rough palm came down on the other side of your ass hard. The corners of his plush lips ticked up as you moaned, pussy dripping from the sting.Â
âKiss me Joel.â
âCourse,â he said with a cheeky grin, leaning forward to kiss you so sweetly that it nearly brought a tear to your eye.Â
When Joel pulled away again, you were ready. Hungry for the connection, you were desperate to feel him so deeply inside that you knew nobody else would ever compare. He looked down at you as he prodded your puffy folds, silently asking for permission before he let himself take. A nod was all you gave him, along with a giggle when he pressed one last slightly ticklish kiss to your spine and then stood up straight. He lifted one leg up onto the table, the position deepening your arch and opening your legs wider so that he could plunge inside.Â
Unlike the first time, Joel did not give you any time to breathe or process his thick length bullying its way in. Instead he simply buried himself deep inside, stealing the breath from your lungs and forcing a surprised squeak out before he started slamming into you. The sounds that echoed throughout the house were downright sinful, with his balls slapping meanly against your clit, your pussy squelching with each thrust as it gushed onto the floor below, and your nonsensical pleas growing louder by the second. Joel grunted each time he speared into you, using all of his might to hold you in place as he carved a place for himself inside of your silken walls. A garbled moan came from you as he yanked your head up from the table, the sting in your scalp only adding to the growing pressure between your thighs.Â
âListen to that tight cunt baby, sheâs fucking soaked. Taking my cock so well, like she was made for it - made for me. F-Fuck,â Joel faltered, his own words getting the better of him for a second before he regained his brutal pace, âI canât wait to fill you up, sâgonna be dripping out of you for days. Tell me you want it honey, gotta hear you say it.â
âPlease baby, want you to cum inside, want you to keep me filled up every day. I need it so bad - oh god, yes - canât go without it now,â you answered, yelping as your garbled response caused him to pick up the pace even more.Â
The thing was, you meant every single word of it. Now that you knew just how good Joelâs cock felt as he fucked you senseless, how overwhelming it was to be wrapped in him, how his loving nature peeked through even while he was being rough, there was no way you could go without it again. He had no idea what kind of monster he had just unleashed onto the world. There was simply no way that you werenât going to be yanking on his belt at every turn from there on out.Â
âOh my sweet girl, donât you worry âbout that. You ainât never gonna go without this cock again. Pussyâs gonna be- fuck! Thatâs it, such a good girl,â he groaned, faltering for a moment as you started throwing yourself back into him, âIs that the spot baby? Mm, yeah bet it is. Shi-it, take what you need from me honey, sâall yours.âÂ
With your hips working back against Joel as he pounded your poor pussy, his fingers dug into your hair and the sound of his lust fueled rambling echoing throughout the space, you were pretty sure you had died and gone to heaven. Something big and even brighter than before crept up from beneath your navel, causing your legs to shake and your clit to twitch each time Joelâs cum filled sack slapped against it. The angle he ploughed into you with had him slamming against your g-spot, causing fireworks to explode behind your eyelids each time he drove himself home. But the pressure was different this time, a strange urge rising that you had never felt before during sex and it scared you. With the urge only growing in strength with each brutal thrust, you were forced to whimper out a broken plea of, âS-Stop please Joel.âÂ
All at once, everything stopped. Joel loosened the grip he had on your hair and blanketed himself across over your sweaty back, the pressure and warmth leaving you boneless as his hands carefully checked for injury or ailment.Â
âShit, whatâs wrong baby? Want me to pull out? I got too rough, huh? Mâso sorry sweet girl, I never meant to hurt ya. Here, let me get you some water -â
The heartbroken howl you let out as Joel tried to pull out halted him in his place. He hesitated as your hips jumped back, seeking those few precious inches he had cruelly tried to take away from you. After a moment of your mindless whining and pathetic thrusts backwards, he sunk back in, unwilling to cause you any further distress despite his confusion.Â
âMâfine Joel, I swear. Nothing hurts. Everything just felt so good, but then it started to feel like I was going to pee and I got scared. Itâs me that should be sorry,â you admitted weakly, cursing mother nature for calling upon you at such a crucial time.Â
Joel chuckled and you looked back at him, catching the mischievous smile on his face as he straightened back up again. You made a confused noise as he assumed the position, looking like he had just gotten the golden ticket as he rubbed the tension from your hips.Â
âOh honey, that ainât pee,â Joel announced, something akin to excitement lurking in his eyes as he caught your nervous gaze and asked, âDo you trust me sweet girl?âÂ
âOf course.â
âThen just let me take care of ya, okay? Ya ainât gonna piss on me baby, but you are about to feel really, really fucking good,â he promised.
On one hand, you were still a bit worried you wouldnât be able to control it, but on the other hand you trusted him with your life. And with how good Joel had made you feel thus far, you gave in, deciding that you couldnât possibly stop at that point - not when your cunt was pulsing with a denied release that you knew was going to be huge. The second you gave your consent, he started moving, working you back up until he was jackhammering into you again. It didnât take long for Joel to drag you back up to the precipice. His brutal strokes into your overstretched cunt and the vicious patterns he rubbed into your clit had you babbling, spewing nonsense as he ruined you for any other man.Â
Joel encouraged you to push back into him again, until you were once more embroiled in the type of unbridled passion that you had only ever read about in books. The pounding he gave you was so intense that you knew you would be walking funny for at least a few days, but you couldnât find it in yourself to care. He could bruise your swollen cunt all he wanted, youâd simply have to sit on ice packs. If it meant that youâd get to have Joel gripping your hips, bruising them as he rambled about how perfect you were for him, youâd do anything. He had to be doing some sort of damage to your cervix but you didnât care, all of the pleasure and pain mixed together, forming sensations so sharp that you had a hard time not screaming each time his hips clapped against your backside.Â
âCâmon baby, cum for me. Fuck, such a gorgeous girl - my girl, my perfect girl. I can feel her - ha, ohmygod - can feel her trying to hold back. Just let it go, fucking soak me honey,âÂ
Joel had barely finished his words before you were launched into the stratosphere, wriggling so much that he had to hold you down so that you didnât slide off the table. White dots speckled your vision as the first gush of release sprayed from your pussy, shocking you as the pleasure rendered you completely boneless. He growled with each spurt, driving himself deeper, pinching your sensitive clit with his calloused fingers until more of your release came out to soak his lap and the floor. By the time the last wave of slick had dampened his thighs, you were utterly spent, delirious and cockdrunk as he finally began to chase his end.Â
âFuuuck, canât believe you just squirted. You shouldnât have done that baby, mâgonna have to play with this pussy until she squirts for me all the time now. Poor thing, she - fuck - sheâs never gonna get a break,â Joel groaned, the faux sympathy making you twitch in return.Â
His pace grew sloppier with each thrust, hips losing their precision as he neared his end. You could feel how hard his heart was pounding as his cock pulsed inside of you, begging for a release that you knew he was trying to hold off. Sighing, you lifted yourself back into a pretty arch, enticing him as you looked back to catch his eye and smirked.Â
âAs long as you fill me up afterwards baby,â you moaned, grinning as his mouth fell open and his cock jumped inside of you, âCâmon Joel, want to feel you deep inside of me, want you to cum so much that it never stops pouring out of me. That way Iâll always be ready for it. Please? Donât you want to flood my pretty pussy?âÂ
Joel Miller whined, actually whined, at your words. He thrusted up into you once, twice, then a third time before he collapsed on top of you and came. His cock exploded, pouring hot torrents of cum into you until you were sure that you would be bloated with it. He kept himself buried to the hilt, groaning in your ear in a way that made your pussy twitch around him. Before you knew what was happening, he was reaching down, pinching your clit between fingers again so hard that you hissed and bowed against the heavy weight of him. Not that it mattered, with his cock steadily spurting cum directly into your cervix, the feeling of it splashing against your womb making your brain fuzzy as his fingers abused your clit, you were gone.Â
âThatâs it baby, last one. Good fucking girl,â Joel groaned, cooing as you came around him so hard that you collapsed against the scuffed wood.Â
Each hot wave of his release was answered by a harsh squeeze from your aching cunt. The tears started to really come down, dampening both your cheeks and the table below as you sobbed so openly that you were worried Joel would be offended by it. You were raw, left painfully vulnerable by his touch and your brutal releases. But as per usual when it came to your ever changing and unpredictable moods, he wasnât put off. Instead, you felt Joelâs arms circle around your waist as he hugged you tight, leaving no room between the two of you as you both rode out the devastating release. By the time you were done cumming, you werenât even sure where he ended and you began, just that you never wanted him to let go of you ever again.Â
âHoney, fuuck,â Joel huffed into your hair, his heart pounding so hard that you could feel it against your back, âHoly shit, are you okay? That was -â
â-Fucking worth the wait,â you groaned, earning a surprised laugh from him in return.Â
You turned your face and nudged his nose with your own, humming into the messy kiss that was far too uncoordinated to be any good. Nevertheless, the two of you were too drunk off of the lust and affection swirling in the air to care, happily licking into each other's mouths as your heart rates slowed back down to normal. Joel pecked your nose after he pulled away, beaming at you like you had just hung the moon for him as he rubbed every bit of tension from your spent body. He smiled when you broke and pressed your forehead into the table, groaning as you tried to keep your eyes open. His hands worked wonders on the muscles in your lower back, easing every bit of stress that lingered there until you were sure you were going to fall asleep right there, with his cock lodged inside of you and everything. Unfortunately for you, just as you were about ready to accept your fate, he lifted himself and began to pull out.Â
âHush baby, sâalright. Not going anywhere, just gonna get ya somewhere more comfortable. Then we can cuddle, okay? I promise,â Joel soothed as you began to whine at his absence.Â
You gave him a small nod, hissing as you felt him ease his way out of you. Cum dripped from your gaping hole, sticking to the inside of your thighs as he paused to look down at it.Â
âAinât that a pretty sight,â he remarked as he scooped some of the mess up with his fingers, getting a gasp from you as he shoved his cum back inside, âShhh, sâalright baby - just gotta keep it all inside, right where it belongs. Can you do that fâme?â
âFuck Joel,â you mewled, twitching as the last few drops were swallowed by your aching cunt, âIâll do anything you want baby, but you gotta give me a break.âÂ
Joel chuckled and carefully turned you over, beaming at your disheveled figure splayed out for him against the table. He gave you a small peck, lingering for a few seconds longer before he gathered you in his arms. And with how utterly destroyed you were, legs numb and pussy still aching from the beating it had taken, you didnât even complain as he carried you away. Itâs not like your legs would have worked if you tried.Â
Joel set you up in his bed, leaving you only for a brief moment so that he could grab a damp washcloth to clean between your legs. He cooed when you hissed at the contact, careful not to irritate the sensitive skin as he wiped your folds clean. When Joel was done he threw the cloth into the hamper and joined you amongst the sheets. The two of you came together like magnets, limbs tangling as you faced each other in stunned silence. His hands rubbed careful circles into your scalp, whispering sweet words as you ran your hands over the expanse of his chest. You were so caught up in mapping his beautiful body that you didnât notice when the sun finally set, the both of you only snapping out of the post-sex haze once his stomach rumbled so loud that you swore it couldâve been heard on the first floor.Â
âShit, guess I forgot to make us any dinner. Sorry baby,â Joel sighed as he shifted, trying to pry your octopus like limbs off of him.Â
âMm, sâokay,â you mumbled, still half in space as you clung to him like a lifeline, âIâm not really that hungry. Just want to lay here with you.â
âSweetheart, Iâve watched you run around all day. All youâve had is a burger and a few snacks, that ainât good enough. Weâve gotta get something more substantial into ya,â he argued.Â
The groan you let out was dramatic but deep down you knew Joel was right. As if on cue, your stomach growled, earning you a knowing smirk from the man who was trying and failing to extradite himself from your steel grasp. You rolled your eyes at him but nodded, finally allowing him to slip out from your embrace.Â
âUgh, fine. Can we order pizza though? We could put on a movie and eat it in bed,â you yawned, turning over so that you could get a good look at the glorious sight of his nude form as you cheekily added, â... Maybe go again once weâre fed, who knows.âÂ
Joel gave you a knowing grin, shaking his head at your forwardness as you watched him shuck on a pair of sweatpants that did a poor job of covering up his loose manhood.Â
âSounds like a plan sweetheart,â he murmured against your hair as he leaned down to kiss you, making you giggle as he laid a few more smooches to your face, âIâll go put the order in. Why donât you pick a movie for us to watch while Iâm gone?â
With that, Joel tossed the remote control your way and took his leave. The space he had left behind in the bed already felt too empty but you ignored the pang in your chest it caused, shaking it off so that you could decide on something decent. Joel didnât seem like the type of guy who would be into sappy romance films or teen flicks so you landed on a classic horror, nestling deeper into the sheets as the opening credits rolled. You paid little attention to the opening scene, too busy reeling for the brutal pounding you had just received and yearning for the man who had given it to you.Â
The way Joel fucked you was like nothing you had ever experienced before. He had cracked open your soul, playing with your nervous system until it was frayed beyond repair. It wasnât just that his cock was big, or that he had made you cum so hard and so many times that you nearly passed out, it was that he had done so without ever making you feel used. Every time Joel pushed a button he was sure to ask first and even when he did, his roughness was never with malice, it was with the utmost respect and adoration. With him, you were an equal partner, not just a hole to fuck whenever he felt like it. For the first time in a long time, you not only had your sexual appetite filled, but also miraculously didnât feel shitty as a result of the experience. It was utterly revolutionary.Â
Joel got back just in time to see the first kill of the movie, eagerly slipping into sheets alongside you with the promise of a pizza on the way. He propped himself up against the headboard, dropping a kiss into the top of your head when you laid it on his shoulder. As you played with his thick fingers, paying more attention to the tiny scars littered all over his palms than the characters on screen, you had a rare moment of clarity.Â
For a long time, you had believed romance to be something of fairytales and film. There had been dreams, once upon time, of someone who would change your mind on the matter, someone who would see you as something other than a risk. However, those had fallen to the wayside as the years went on, eclipsed by a manic obsession to keep your shoddy marriage together. You had given everything to cling to someone you hoped would save you, from your youth to your sanity. And what did you have to show for it? Betrayal and belittlement, along with the headache of a messy divorce that should have happened years ago.Â
Despite the pain and anguish all of that had caused, you decided that it was worth it. For if you hadnât gone through hell and lived to tell the tale, you wouldnât have met the man who brushed his hands over your thigh, the same man who snuck in a particularly steamy kiss before he left to pay for the pizza you had asked him for. And as you watched him leave, you were more sure about him than you had ever been about anything or anyone.Â
The future would be bright and no matter what may come, Joel Miller would be a part of it. He simply had to be. The man was not your saviour, nor would anyone ever be again, but he was the one who had shown you in very little time that you deserved more, that devotion and reverence was not too much to ask for, that partnership did not equal ownership over another. You were his, but you were still free as ever. He made your brain fuzzy and your knees weak by just existing, and you knew that he was just as hooked.Â
There was a word for the phenomenon, one with four letters that had rattled around in your brain for the past two weeks, but you kept it to yourself for the time being. Joel deserved more than a rushed confession spurred on by lovemaking and you were well aware of the trauma he was working through to open himself up. If it was to be said, it would need to come from him first, lest he retreat back into the mask of indifference that had served him for years. Which you were weirdly okay with. Whether Joel knew it himself or not, you knew he loved you as much as you did him, you could see it in the adoration in his eyes and his numerous acts of kindness.Â
So, as Joel bounded back into the room with a piping hot pizza in hand and a wide grin, you appeased that urge to blurt it out by pulling him into a searing kiss. The future was brighter than it had ever been before. Afterall, if he was a part of it, you knew it had to be good.Â
- Joel -Â
Already Joel knew that his first time with you would go down as one of the very best experiences of his life. He had poured himself into you, trying desperately to use his body as a means to show you what he could not possibly put into words - that he trusted you, that you had weaseled your way into the cracks of his broken soul, that he was hopelessly in love with you, that he was unbearably sorry that he couldnât give you more. If it were up to him, he would have broken down amidst the chaos of the party and told you everything, but anytime he tried the words had turned to ash inside of his mouth, making it impossible for him to get a word out.Â
Luckily for Joel, you had been ridiculously understanding, even helping keep the kids off his back so that he could process the turmoil he was embroiled in during the party. However, once the dust had settled and his walls had been brought down by the most mind blowing sex he had ever had, there was nowhere for him to hide. You had waited for the right moment, when his stomach was stuffed full of pizza and you were carefully scrubbing the chlorine from his hair in the tub. It had surprised him at first but with your fingers rubbing circles into his scalp, he couldnât remember why he had kept any of it from you in the first place.Â
âI donât know baby, I guess having all of the girlâs friends over got me thinkinâ about my own childhood friends and well⊠I didnât have many so,â Joel sighed, following your instruction to tip his head back so that you could rinse out the fruity smelling bubbles.Â
âItâs okay Joel, you can talk about her. Iâm not going to get mad, I want to know more,â you assured him.Â
âOkay honey, but it ainâtâŠ,â he halted, trying to find the right way to put it before he added, âYou might not like what you hear. I wasnât a good guy back then and the decisions I made, they cost me and her.âÂ
âTell me.â
Joel started with the event that had kicked it all off, the afterparty from hell that was supposed to be nothing more than his stupid nineteen year old self having a bit of fun. He could tell you were taken aback by the story but you stayed strong, listening carefully as he explained the discomfort he felt as he watched Tess do her first line - almost like a premonition of what was to come. The story didnât end there as he thought it might, as the next few months had been something out of his worst nightmares. He had watched as his best friend faded away and as ashamed as he was to admit, he had played an active role in the destruction.Â
Stupidly believing that the problem was just a passing faze, Joel had nurtured it, even helping her score a couple bags when she was down. Afterall, Tess held down a job, she never missed a rent payment, she had a car for Christâs sake! How could she be an addict when she so clearly lived such a normal life? But that was the fallacy of a child, not reality. In reality, Joel had been running around like a maniac trying to cover for her until it had all come out one night at a band practice. He gritted his teeth through his recollection of the New Yearâs Eve party, highlighting just how idiotic it had been for him to not only trust her, but to try to build a relationship with her during such a precarious time.Â
âJoel, you couldnât have known that she was still using. Addicts keep things from people, itâs a part of the disease,â you sighed as you finished washing the last little bit of conditioner from his hair, âIt was awful, but it wasnât anyoneâs fault. She was sick and you were -â
âFuckinâ stupid.â
Soft hands grabbed his face, forcing him to look at your caring expression.Â
âDonât ever say that again,â you snapped, shocking him before you softened and added, âYou werenât stupid baby, just hopeful. Tess meant so much to you and like you said, she seemed healthy. You canât expect yourself to know everything.âÂ
âI know but I-â
âNo,â you said, covering his mouth with your hand, âBelieving in someone you care about isnât dumb, itâs beautiful.âÂ
Joel stared up at you in awe, blinking away tears before he nodded and slowly removed your hand. He wasnât sure what to say or how to thank you for halting his self hating tirade, so he stayed silent. And you let him, kissing him on the cheek before handing the shampoo off to him so that he could return the favour. Joel chuckled, well aware that the duty was more of a distraction for him while he continued to spill his guts then a favour to you. If he wasnât mistaken, he had watched you wash it this morning in the shower, but he appreciated the attempt to make him more comfortable.Â
Taking the bait, Joel squirted a hefty glob of product into his hand and lathered it into your scalp, trying to explain just how odd the next few months had been. At first it had been good, really good, as he had been deluded enough to believe that she was fine. Blinded by the romantic notion of finding a partner in a best friend, he had ignored all the signs, until the day he came home and found Tess passed out on the couch with a needle in her arm. The fight that had resulted from that incident had been legendary, the both of them hurling insults back and forth until Tommy had dragged him out of the apartment to go cool off, but even then he had held out hope that she might get it together.Â
When Joel came home Tess had promised to work the steps again and he had been satisfied, still not fully grasping the severity of the disease she was struggling with. However, as that struggle became clearer and clearer to him, it left Joel with little choice when Marlene finally came knocking. Sarah - his first baby, his wake up call, one half of his entire world - had to come first no matter what and when his best friend couldnât hold up her end of the deal, he was left with no other option. As much as it killed Joel to do it, he had broken up with her and asked her to leave, his chest tight as he watched her pack all of her things and disappear into the night for the very last time. Tears of resentment had flowed down her face as she got into the cab, while the guilt he felt had forced him to turn away from the sad sight and disappear back into the house.Â
âYou kicked her out?â
âYeah, I did,â Joel said, refusing to look at you as he continued, âWhen Marlene first showed up, I thought it would be fine. I mean, Tess wasnât thrilled about sharing a kid with my ex but she had always wanted a family. Everything was good, but then she relapsed again and I just⊠I couldnât risk it. Not with Sarah involved.âÂ
You nodded solemnly, âI get it Joel, I really do, but damn. That must have been a hard choice to make, Iâm sorry.â
He waved you off, unable to accept the kind eyes that viewed his situation in a different light. After almost fifteen years, Joel still wasnât sure what to think about his actions that day or what he could have done differently overall. Not doing drugs in front of Tess in the first place was the obvious answer, along with not helping her score or cleaning up for her afterwards. But once all had been said and done, once the tiger had been let out of its cage, how should he have dealt with Marlene coming back? Was it right for him to choose - to kick his best friend to the curb so that he could raise his babygirl?Â
Joel thought so at the time, and even as an older man with a million regrets, he was still convinced that raising his daughter around Tess would not have gone well. But did being a father excuse his betrayal? Was it right, after everything they had been through, for him to force her to leave in her time of need? For an answer to that question, there was only one person Joel could turn to and unfortunately for him, she had been dead for the last fifteen years. However, before he could dwell on that for too much longer, you turned around in his lap and straddled him.Â
âJoel Miller, you are a good man,â you stated, tsking at him when he tried to cut in, âNope, I donât want to hear it. Did you make some mistakes? Definitely, but what other stupid ass twenty year old doesnât? Hell, the mistake I made when I was twenty is currently camped out across the street.âÂ
He laughed at that, a real laugh that bubbled up from deep within. It made you grin and brush your thumbs over his cheeks, almost as if you wanted to feel the small bit of joy you had pulled from him beneath your fingertips.Â
âWhat Iâm trying to say is that you were young and so was Tess. You couldnât have known she was going to get addicted, or that she was still struggling when you started dating her. And honestly? I know you feel bad about it, but you canât be mad at yourself for kicking out someone who is using when thereâs a baby involved, thatâs just common sense,â you finished.Â
Joelâs mouth twisted up at your matter of fact tone, his entire being itching to reject the notion of his own part in the matter being so miniscule, but you had a point. Tess had been at the height of her addiction, with all the chaos and danger that came with that. Allowing her to continue to live in his home, despite the fact that she had not been able to remain clean for any substantial amount of time, would have put Sarah in the line of fire. No matter how he felt about the rest of the situation, he had to agree with that small point - that perhaps he had actually been right to ask her to leave that day.Â
âI never thought about it like that,â Joel admitted, letting his hands crawl up the length of your body to distract himself, âThat was one of the last times I seen her before she⊠Well, you know. Itâs always bothered me that I did that, but I guess youâre right.âÂ
âWill you tell me the next time youâre feeling like this? Iâd like to know so that I can maybe help. I know itâs hard to talk about but baby,â you sighed, pushing some of the wet hair stuck to his forehead away, âI want to know you, all of you. Sheâs a big part of that.âÂ
He nodded, âI know honey, sâjust hard for me. All day Iâve been trying to ignore it so that you and the girls can have a good time, but I guess I only made it harder on ya. Mâsorry.â
âWhat? I spent my day kicking the kidâs asses at the games, eating delicious food, and getting to stare at my super hot boyfriend as he cleans up MY mess. Not to mention the way you practically devoured me outside earlier. Believe me babe, my day was just fine,â you giggled.Â
He snorted and shook his head, his face burning at the memory of tearing you away from the kids so that he could grope you against the side of the building. That had not been planned but after watching you flit around in that pretty little dress, laughing and having fun with his kids for no other reason other than your own fondness of them, Joel was forced to act. There was only so much grace and thoughtfulness a man could witness before it needed to be addressed. Or in the case of you and your dangerously addictive pussy, rewarded.Â
âIâm only a man darling and plus,â Joel added, grabbing a handful of your ass for good measure, âI think you know just what youâre doing with those damn dresses.âÂ
âGlad to know theyâre doing their job,â you teased.Â
Joel kissed you then and the rest of it fell away. The past, the shitty day he had doomed himself to by staying silent, even the last hour as he bared his soul. All that mattered to him in that moment was tearing you from the porcelain prison and dragging you back into the bedroom so that he could lose himself in you again. He was softer than before, building you up so carefully that you let out a surprised squeak when you finally let the orgasm wash over you. Even after Joel had slammed himself home that final time, draining his balls into your clenching cunt with a strained groan, he didnât stop. It wasnât until you were begging him to release your poor clit from his mouth, the fifth orgasm having left you absolutely drained, that he finally relented.Â
In truth, worshipping you in that way was the only thing Joel could think of to gift you with. You had given him so much as of late - a warm presence in his bed, a feminine touch to his home, a shoulder to cry on, a person other than him for the girls to turn to, a reason for being - the list was endless. What could he possibly give back to you - other than frustration from his inability to do something as simple as speak? Nothing, but for all of Joelâs faults, he knew that at the very least he was good at sex. And with you having given so much for him, he needed to show you in the only way he knew how that you were extraordinary.Â
Which, based on the fact that Joel returned to you splayed out and snoring into the pillow, he supposed he had done perfectly. He carefully cleaned between your legs, trying not to wake you as he threw the cloth somewhere behind him and eased himself into the sheets. Small puffs of breath washed over his face as he nestled a bit closer, moving so that he could lie his head on your pillow and watch as you dreamed.Â
Joel tried to hold onto that, to the beautiful sight of you asleep in his bed, in hopes that he might finally join you in rest. But he couldnât, not when there was one last memory plaguing his mind, one that he had neglected to tell you, one that he had vowed years ago to never tell anyone. It was that memory that haunted Joel the most, still causing him to wake up in a cold sweat from time to time no matter how many years had passed. If anyone found out about that secret, it would shake the foundation of his family, toppling everything he had worked towards as a father. He sighed as it all came rushing back over him, hugging you a bit tighter as he found himself at that pivotal moment once more.Â
What did you expect, Joel thought to himself. Of course he had a reason to feel guilty, of course he deserved every bit of grief he felt, of course he deserved to question whether or not he was worthy of a woman like you. After all, thatâs what happens when you build your family off of a lie.
Fifteen Years Earlier
Joel felt sick as he watched her sway on her feet, spindly arms cradling the hard belly that protruded from a stretched ACDC t-shirt. He had given her that shirt, along with the stained pair of carpenter pants that she had tied together with a cord of some sort. Perhaps that should have comforted him, to know that after he had banished her from his home that she at least liked him enough to keep some of his things, but it didnât. Not when his best friend was standing in front of him, eight months pregnant and sickeningly skeletal, looking up at him like he held the answer to all of her problems.Â
âI didnât know where else to go.â
He blinked, âSo you came here? Why not Willaâs? Or Maria and Tommyâs? Or Eugeneâs? Or-â
âThey canât know and you canât tell them either, promise me that Tex,â Tess implored, relaxing only once he had dumbly nodded back at her, âSo, whereâs the kid? The baby should be - what? About a month old now?â
âThree months actually, she was uh⊠Born a bit early. That's why sheâs not here, I havenât been able to take her home yet,â Joel mumbled as he rubbed the back of his neck.Â
âIâm sorry Joel. What about Marlene?â
âGone, for good this time too,âhe sighed, waving off her mournful gaze, âDonât give me that look, you know just as well as I do that she would have never stuck around. Itâs better this way. Plus, the doctor said I can take Sarah home sometime next week.âÂ
Tess nodded and looked away, her eyes roaming over every inch of the newly baby proofed space. The last time she had been in this room it had been filled with the bandâs instruments and the air had been laced with smoke, but not anymore. A crib that had taken him far too long to build was shoved where her drum set used to be, sesame street characters were printed on the baby blanket thrown over the couch, even the tobacco laced carpet had been ripped up and replaced with cleaner flooring. All signs of his previous life were gone, replaced instead by a home he hoped would be welcoming enough for his baby girl.Â
âYour mom took your drumset.â
âI figured.â
Joel wasnât sure what to say to her as she surveyed the space, brushing her boney fingers over the small stack of childrenâs books that were placed on the coffee table. There was no anger on her face, just a kind of sorrow he couldnât even begin to understand. A million questions popped into Joelâs head. It had been far too long since she left for the babe swelling her midsection to be his, but whose was it? And more importantly, why the hell would she keep it? Given how sunken in her eyes were, she was either still using or was doing a piss poor job at caring for herself. That didnât exactly bode well for her incoming child.Â
âI know you hate me Joel -â
He sighed, âI donât hate you. I might not be thrilled that youâre here and that youâre⊠Well, in the state youâre in, but I could never hate you.â
âRight, being a knocked up junkie isnât really high on your list of acceptable behaviours, huh?,â Tess joked dryly, earning a pointed look from him that made her sigh, âWould it help if I told you I stopped using the second I found out?âÂ
âWould you blame me if I said that I didnât believe you?,â he shot back.Â
Her face fell, the hurt in her expression making his heart ache. The last thing Joel wanted to do was hurt a pregnant womanâs feelings, much less the feelings of his pregnant best friend, but who could blame him? He had believed her time and time again, to nobodyâs benefit - not even hers. And with her swollen belly glaring at him from beneath the stretched fabric, he found it extremely hard to empathize with her plight.Â
Tess laughed bitterly, a single tear rolling down her face as she said, âNo, I wouldnât blame you, but itâs true. I didnât really have a choice, I had to get clean for her.âÂ
âSo why are you here? Donât you have a boyfriend or whoever uh-,â Joel cleared his throat, âDid this to you?âÂ
âI said that Iâm clean now, not that I was clean when I got into this mess,â she shrugged, sighing as she pilfered through her purse for something, âTo be honest with you, I donât even remember his name, but thatâs probably a good thing. He wasnât exactly a keeper.âÂ
âAlways knew how to pick âem,â Joel humored her.Â
She raked her eyes up and down his figure, âClearly.âÂ
The two of them laughed, easing some of the tension that had built up in the space since Tess had stepped inside. Joel let his shoulder drop and looked towards the clock, deciding that he had a few more minutes to spare before he needed to be back at Sarahâs cribside again. After all, itâs not like she would remember the extra fifteen minutes he spent catching up with an old friend - even with how terrible being away from her made him feel.
âSo, why are you here then? Because if itâs to get back together, Iâm not really in a space where I can -â
âJesus Christ Joel, you are so full of yourself sometimes. No, thatâs not why Iâm here you asshole,â Tess groaned as she shoved an orange envelope into his face, âThis is why Iâm here. Thereâs nobody else I could trust with this.âÂ
Joel took the papers from her hands, noticing how steady they were in comparison to the last time they had seen one another. He peeked in, brows furrowing at the hefty package of very official looking papers tucked inside. His eyes widened as they caught the header on one of the pages, recognizing the document immediately from when Marlene had sent a signed copy to him a month earlier. In bold letters, glaring at him from the page, were the words Affidavit of Voluntary Relinquishment of Parental Rights and at once he understood why she had come.Â
âNo.â
âJoel, hear me out -â
âNo! How could you even ask me for such a thing? I have a kid already, thank you very much, and her mama is gone. Itâs just me and her, and you expect me to take your kid too?,â Joel laughed, the sound of it humorless and dry, âWhy? So that you can go back to whatever bullshit you were up to before?âÂ
âNo, I expect my best friend to take my kid because if not sheâll go into the system,â Tess snapped, angrily following him into the kitchen with the papers he tossed back at her in hand, âI expect him to have some fucking compassion considering the fact that her mama will be dead.â
Everything stopped all at once. The resentment burning the back of Joelâs throat, his attempts to get away from her and the proposition, the worries he had for his baby girl still trapped in an incubator, all of it disappeared. Time seemed to slow as he turned, eyes wide and heart thumping hard in his chest as he took her in fully. The track marks that had once graced Tessâ arms were gone, replaced with nothing more than a few scars left behind from a needle that had missed its mark. She was skinny, much too skinny for someone in their last trimester, but she didnât look particularly intoxicated. Unlike usual, her swaying seemed to be more so due to her size, not a poison running through her veins.Â
âWhat the fuck are you talking about?âÂ
âDid you know that shooting up apparently weakens the muscles of your heart?,â Tess asked as she leaned up against the sink, âMe neither, but apparently it can be pretty deadly. Especially for a woman who is about to use those muscles to pop out a kid - if she makes it that far.âÂ
Joel shook his head, his entire body rejecting the notion. He stumbled backwards, nearly jumping out of his skin as his shoulders smacked against the fridge. Memories flashed through his mind - the creation of their exclusive clubhouse in second grade, their matching halloween costumes that always purposely excluded his annoying little brother, their awkward prom photos, the bandâs first show. All of it was tainted, the joy in Joelâs life made heartbreaking in an instant by the realization that Tess was dying and there was nothing he could do to save her. It was all so excruciatingly tragic and for whatever reason, it made him more pissed off at her than he had ever been. Fury took over every other emotion, blacking out what little empathy he had left for her.Â
âAre you fucking serious Tess? This is what you came here for?,â Joel spat, his anger doing little to hide how heartbroken he was, âSo what? Iâm just supposed to take your kid and tell your mama - what exactly? That I just fucking found her in a ditch? What about the kid? What the fuck am I supposed to do with her?âÂ
âYouâre not going to tell them anything,â Tess hissed, the boney finger waggling in his face only pissing him off more, âIf I had found out about her earlier, I would have done something about it, but that didnât happen so sheâs gonna need a parent. One that will actually be there for her no matter what, thatâs you! Thereâs no reason for any other hearts to be broken by this, justâŠâ
âJust what? Lie for you? Again?âÂ
âPlease, I know I fucked up. I know that I hurt you but sheâs just a baby - my baby!,â she cried out as she stumbled forward, shaking him by the shoulders as she sobbed, âShe canât know me, it would only ruin her. I would fucking ruin her with all my shit. Please say that youâll take care of her Joel, youâre the only one I trust.âÂ
Joel shook his head wildly, âNo, I wonât do it, I canât do it. Go fucking talk to your mom Tess, she can help you. Willa is great with kids and I canât just -âÂ
âYou can! I watched you help raise Tommy when your dad died! I know youâre going to be a great dad,â she argued, barreling through his attempts to cut in, âAnd you know that I canât talk to mom about this kind of stuff. After dad overdosed, it fucking killed her and Iâm their only kid. Making her raise my kid after I die of the same shit is just cruel. She can never fucking know.âÂ
âBut you could go to the hospital, Iâm sure they could -â
Tess shook her head, smiling sadly as she let go of the lapels of his button up. Joel gulped, a cold sweat breaking out all over as he realized the severity of the situation. Whatever it was that ailed her, it was a death sentence, he could see it in the way she looked at him.Â
âTimeâs up for me Joel. The second this kid comes out, itâs game over. Fuckâs sake, they said my heart will probably give out before then anyways. Who knows,â she sighed, shaking her head before she looked him in the eye and added, âBut one thing I do know for sure is that this kid is gonna need a home when she comes and I canât give her that. You can.âÂ
Joel swallowed thickly, the grief he felt turning his eyes misty as he stared down at the woman he had known since kindergarten. How could one grieve a loved one that was still alive? There Tess was, drug free and breathing, yet in weeks or even days she would be gone forever. He had lived in fear of this day for a long time, constantly terrified of receiving that fateful call that would inform him her body had been found rotting in some crack den, but this was so much worse. Of all the ways Joel had imagined her dying, having her heart fail during the birth of a baby she hoped to entrust to him had to take the cake, and before he could even really think about what he was doing, he pushed past her.Â
âJoel!,â Tess called after him, trying and failing to keep up with his determined strides out of the house, âCâmon, Iâm begging you here. Youâve gotta take her, she canât go into the system. Iâve signed the papers, you just need to sign your part and send them in once Iâm gone. Please! Say that you will.â
Pain erupted inside of Joel at the sheer desperation in her voice and it almost broke his resolve. However, bitterness had taken hold of his heart, making his face twist up like he had just bitten into a lemon. How dare Tess come back after all this time just to die in his arms. How dare she expect him to drop everything to raise her kid as his own, especially when he was already a twenty year old single father. How dare she force him to lie to everyone in their life for - what exactly? To save Willaâs feelings? To save her kid from knowing about her momâs struggles? It was all so infantile and he refused to be a part of it any longer.Â
âJoel?â
âGo fuck yourself Tess.â
Joel ignored her distressed cries as he threw himself into the truck, forcing down his own tears as he watched her give him a reproachful look from the porch. He managed to hold out until he got to the hospital parking lot, where he had dissolved into the kind of hacking sobs that only came when a heart shattered into a million pieces. The cries continued until his tears ran dry and he forced himself from the cab, eyes red as he practically sprinted into the NICU to see his only reason for living. It was only once he saw his own baby girl that he somewhat calmed, drawing comfort from the feeling of her tiny chest moving under his palm.Â
Later that night Joel would return home and Tess would be long gone, leaving no indication she had been there other than the signed affidavit sitting on his counter. In the haze of grief and rage, he had shoved it into his junk drawer with a huff, deluding himself into believing that everything would be fine - that his rejection would cause her to seek out another.Â
However, fifteen years after the fact, Joel had to admit that there had been a small part of himself that always knew how things would play out. Afterall, when he had gotten that call in the middle of the night that there was another baby waiting for him at the hospital, he had gotten Sarah strapped into her carseat and went. With a grimace on his face, he had taken the girl his best friend had lovingly named Ellie and sent the papers she had begged him to sign. Joel had kept her secrets, even making up a few of his own to help cover up the truth, just like she knew he would.Â
At first it had been hard, as Joel was forced to swallow all of his resentment so that he could try to care for an innocent life that shouldnât have been his. For weeks he couldnât even look Ellie in the eye, too terrified that he would see a piece of Tess lingering as he begrudgingly fed her and Sarah, but the change had come the night the adoption papers had been finalized. As if the infant was trying to test his commitment to the vow, Ellie had been colicky for days, screaming bloody murder until he was forced out of bed for the umpteenth time.Â
âFuckâs sake,â Joel groaned as he dragged himself from the tangle of sheets, sighing at the knowledge that he would be sleepwalking through work again, âMâcoming, just chill out will ya? Youâre gonna wake Sarah up.âÂ
Joel had gone into that room a different man, a man who had one daughter and another infant that tragedy had thrust into his arms. However, whether it was the fatigue or the spirit of his best friend begging him to change from the beyond, something had shifted as he sat down with her that night. As usual, Joel had refused to look her in the eye, gritting his teeth as he cooed and rocked her in his arms but when a tiny fist wrapped around his finger, his gaze shifted downwards. It was then that he saw it, that he saw her in the baby in his arms, and the walls he had put up around himself collapsed. It wasnât Ellieâs fault that Tess was dead, nor was it her burden to bear the weight of his resentment towards her mother for the rest of her life. That wasnât fair to anyone.Â
âOh sweetheart, mâso sorry,â Joel whispered as his tears soaked the blanket Ellie was swaddled in, âIâm gonna take care of ya baby girl, just like your mama wanted. I promise.âÂ
As if Ellie understood her fatherâs promise, her cries had tapered off, replaced by a gurgling smile as she happily kicked her feet. Joel let out a watery laugh and cooed at his new found daughter, the pain he felt giving way to the all encompassing love only a parent could feel. It was at that moment that he decided to accept it all - the lies her mother had forced upon him, the responsibility that came with taking both them and Ellie on - anything to keep the little girl in his arms safe from the pain of knowing the truth.Â
Nevertheless, those lies had a price - one that Joel had been paying ever since. He felt the weight of those lies each time Ellie asked about the day he found her, or when he saw Willa shopping alone in town, or every time he struggled to spit out the truth when you asked it of him. To do so would be to admit the worst, that he had betrayed nearly everyone in his life just to try to atone for his own part in his best friendâs addiction, that he continued to betray them out of cowardice and some twisted sense of protectionism.Â
There wasnât enough forgiveness in the world for that type of sin.Â
The bliss of having Joel, of holding him in the quiet solace of his bedroom while the world passed you by, couldn't last forever. At least that's what you try to remind yourself when reality comes knocking, effectively snapping you out of the fantasy you had been living in. Meanwhile Joel wades through ancient anxieties to accept his new normal, along with the fact that he may or may not be falling for you. With the two of you weighed down by the past, how will either of you react when a ghost comes back to haunt you?
Warnings: NoOutbreak!Joel Miller/Reader, Sarah & Ellie as Siblings, Librarian!Reader, Angst, Fluff, Romance, Smut, Talks of the Past, Mentions of Trauma & Abuse, Comfort, A Touch of Miscommunication, Both Reader & Joel Need a Hug.
A/N:
Hey y'all! So sorry to those who I promised an update to by the end of the weekend. I've been doing research in Montevideo and ended up missing my flight, but I'm home now! This chapter starts off where we left off. Warning for some smutty things but my major warning for this chapter is talks about past emotional abuse, a bit of miscommunication and angst as a result of that, and some major abandonment issues coming out on Joel's behalf. I'm back home now so the next chapter has been started. Chapter 5 will explore the exact nature of the relationship between Joel and Tess, and more importantly, why she has remained in his thoughts years after her death. I hope you enjoy!
Chapter 4/10
Chapter 4: Ghosts
The sun filtered in through the blinds, warming the tip of your nose and burning the backs of your eyelids as consciousness slowly took hold. A small sigh left your lips as you stretched out like a cat, enjoying the soft pop in between your shoulder blades as your eyes fluttered open. You blinked once, then twice, trying to remember when you had painted your bedroom walls such a dark color. It was only when a set of strong arms yanked you backwards, enveloping you in a wall of heat, that you remembered.Â
âMorning darling,â Joel drawled as he laid a smattering of kisses against every inch of skin he could find. Â
His lips journeyed up to the side of your face and you turned, smiling as you caught the last one with your own. Joel hummed into it, reaching forward to carefully roll you onto your back so that he could deepen it. One of his hands weaved its way into your hair, his thick fingers mindlessly rubbing circles into your scalp until you were close to purring. He climbed over top of you, invading all of your senses as his tongue slipped into the mix. The soft moan you let out was muffled against his mouth, making him chuckle as he pulled away for air.Â
âSo sensitive for me baby, mâjust trying to give my girl a kiss,â Joel teased.Â
Despite his claims of innocence, Joel had planted one of his meaty thighs between your legs, giving you just enough pressure to make your mind spin. He tensed the thick muscles as he spoke, huffing a laugh as you squirmed and rocked your hips against him. You tried to think of a retort but with his teeth scraping the sensitive skin beneath your jaw and his thigh pressing into your weeping slit, the task was becoming impossible.Â
âThatâs bullshit and you know it,â you panted, unable to keep from whining as he licked a stripe up the column of your throat.Â
Joel smiled as he pulled away to loom over you, his eyes brighter than any flaming sun or blazing forest fire and you melted beneath them. Sweat dampened the edges of your hair as heat radiated off of him in waves, his delicious scent intoxicating you until you were sure that the boxers he let you borrow were soaked. One hand came up to cradle the side of your face and you leaned into it, pressing a sweet kiss to the scarred palm that held you as his other hand gripped your doughy thigh and hiked it up over his hip.Â
âLike I said,â you moaned as he pressed his hips into the cradle of yours, his cock angrily weeping through the thin layers between you, âBullshit.âÂ
He smiled as he ghosted his lips over yours, rendering you absolutely useless as you chased after their soft touch.Â
âCan ya blame me sweetheart? Look at how sexy you are - all laid up in my bed, wearing my clothes. Itâs enough to make a man - fuck,âJoel cussed, groaning as you locked yours legs around him and dragged his hips forward, âDamnit, youâre gonna be the death of me baby.âÂ
The next kiss was hard and rough, tongues and teeth clashing in a fight for dominance that made your mind spin. Joel took control and you let him, trusting him to hold your body, mind, and spirit without the fear of rejection or judgment. And you knew he trusted you the same, could feel it in the way he allowed his own walls to come down in the sanctuary of his bedroom. His skilled hands skimmed over your soft tummy, appreciating every inch of you before they cupped your breasts and flicked your nipples until they hardened. He pinched one of them between his calloused fingers as his tongue tangled with yours, rolling it until you let out an embarrassingly loud whimper that bounced off the walls and forced him to pull away.Â
âGotta be quiet fâme sweet girl, we ainât alone in this house,â Joel chastised, with his face beet red and his voice still gravelly from sleep. Â
âS-Sorry,â you whispered, utterly entranced by the man that plucked at your nipples and grinded against your sopping cunt with a devilishly handsome grin on his face. Â
Joel threw the blankets off the both of you when you whimpered his name, making your eyes bulge as he began to slide down the length of your body. His fingertips played with the bottom of your shirt when he reached it, pausing for a moment to give you a questioning look that made you giggle. As if you would ever refuse him.Â
âYou donât have to ask Joel, I want you to touch me,â you cooed, pushing a stray curl off of his sweaty forehead.Â
He wrinkled his nose at the comment and nipped at your hands, shaking his head as he began to push the fabric upwards, âCourse I gotta ask baby, sânot my place to assume. Now hush.âÂ
Joel didnât give you a chance to answer before he ripped the shirt off and popped a nipple into his mouth, sucking on it so hard that you had to slap a palm over your mouth to keep from screaming. His teeth teased the nub, angering it a bit longer before he switched to the other side to do the same. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head, pussy gushing as you felt Joelâs cock throb against your bare thigh. The barrier separating the two of you was thin, so thin that you could feel the sheets below growing damper with each filthy grind and you longed for him to finally take that final step, to yank the underwear off the both of you so that he could sink inside.Â
A low groan left Joel as you pulled him back by his hair and you grinned, noting the way his hips jumped in response to the sting. His eyes were heavy on yours, pupils completely dilated as he looked down at you like a predator about to pounce on its prey. There was nothing more youâd rather do than let him have his way with you completely, to allow him to tease every nerve ending until you were begging him to fuck you stupid, but you couldnât. If the alarm clock was correct, it was already way past seven thirty in the morning - meaning that you were nearly an hour behind on your regular routine. If the two of you were going to fool around, it needed to be quick and dirty, the very opposite of everything Joel stood for.Â
âWe donât have much time Joel, I have - shit, right there - Um, I-I have work and Iâm pretty sure that youâre already super late for - ah, f-fuck,â you moaned, cut off as his cock throbbed against your swollen clit from inside the confines of his boxers.
âMm, you underestimate my abilities darling,â he drawled, the confidence he exuded only driving you even more wild, âJust give me five minutes baby, I promise you wonât regret it.âÂ
Joel finished his statement with a playful nip that made you giggle, which dissolved into another breathless moan as his fingers slipped past the waistband to glide through your weeping cunt. He gathered all of the slick at your entrance and dragged it upwards to circle your clit, teasing you with a featherlight touch that made you buck against him in desperation.Â
âOh my god, yes. Please Joel, please fuck me. I need it so b-â
âDad?â
Joel turned to stone, his mouth falling open as his talented fingers froze between your thighs. Bile rose to the back of your throat as you stared back at him, full on terror making your stomach roil as you heard the telltale sound of a certain teen approaching the bedroom door.Â
âHelloooooo? Earth to father? Do you know if we have any pancake mix? I canât find it anywhere,â Sarah called from beyond the flimsy wood.Â
She sounded close, so close that your eyes wheeled around the room in an attempt to pinpoint where her father had thrown your shirt. The shock on Joelâs face was almost cartoonish and it would have made you laugh, if you werenât just as terrified as him. Had he locked the bedroom door before coming to bed the previous night? Was there even a lock for him to turn? You didnât know, all you knew for sure was that he needed to answer Sarah before she waltzed in and saw her dad in a whole new light.Â
âSay something,â you whispered.Â
He balked and shot back a hushed, âWhat? No!âÂ
âJoel, unless you want her to come in here and see you half naked on top of me, you will answer her. Now fucking do it!,â you hissed, the urgency in your tone leaving no room for discussion.Â
The sigh Joel let out was pained and ridiculously dramatic, but he relented. Whatever qualms he had about breaking his silence, you were right, there was no other choice if he wanted to keep from traumatizing his eldest.Â
âUh, did you check the pantry?,â Joel tried, glaring at you for making him speak.Â
âDuh, of course I checked there, but then I checked the cupboards and the lazy susan - nothing! What gives? You told me that you were going to the grocery store yesterday. Did you forget the list again or something?,â Sarah answered, the sass evident in her tone.Â
âYup, mustâve,â he quipped, shooting you another sharp look as your attempt to crawl out from underneath him forced him to muffle a moan in the crook of your neck.Â
The movement only angered Joelâs throbbing cock further as it rubbed against your thigh and you winced, mouthing an apology to him that only slightly softened the tightened features on his face. You didnât blame him for being cross, as the embarrassment of the situation was about two seconds away from making you dissolve into a puddle of tears.Â
âUgh, câmon dad. I left it on the fridge for a reason,â she grumbled, her voice getting smaller as she padded away from the bedroom.Â
The surly tone Sarah used was so familiar that you giggled, forcing Joel to place a hand over your mouth to muffle it until you were in the clear. He looked away as you fought through the laughter, straining to hear if she had turned around for a few seconds before he sighed and let his hand fall. You couldnât help it, not when Sarah had unknowingly just done the most accurate impression of her father without even having to show her face. Typically, the clearest example of the Joel Miller temperament was Ellie, with her pointed looks and frequent eye rolls, but the bark in Sarahâs tone was spot on. Â
âJesus Christ, are you trying to get us caught? Whatâs wrong with you?,â Joel grunted, looking at you like you had three heads.Â
âIâm sorry,â you laughed, earning an eye roll from him as he rolled off of you, âReally Joel, I am. I just forget that theyâre your kids sometimes until I hear them say something like that.â
âSomething like what?,â he asked, turning onto his side so that he could give you a challenging look.Â
âSomething sassy,â you teased.Â
âSassy? Me?,â Joel guffawed, âHoney, I ainât sassy.âÂ
You smirked, âYou, Mr. Miller, are the sassiest man I know and it seems that the apples donât fall far from the tree.âÂ
âIâm not -,â he stopped, going red as he clocked the sass in his voice, âWhatever, shut up.âÂ
The laugh you let out was softer this time, punctuated by the way Joel beamed at you before he leaned back in and pressed his lips against yours. The kiss was gentle, with all of the heat sucked out of the room by his spawn knocking on the door, but it still left you breathless. It felt like a prayer, like a promise of devotion that would carry you through the rest of the day. Joel pulled away before it got too heated, hovering so that he could take you in one last time before he sighed and lifted himself from the cocoon of tangled sheets.Â
âTime to get moving,â he groaned, giving you a nice view of the contours of his freckled back as he stood up and stretched.Â
The muscles shifted beneath Joelâs skin and you turned over, holding yourself up on your elbow so that you could ogle him properly. He turned around much too soon, likely feeling the heat of your stare on the dimples that rested above his ass, and rolled his eyes at your shameless gawking. You werenât swayed in the slightest, eyes trained on Joelâs still hardened cock as it pressed into his boxers. The wet spot on the fabric made you lick your lips as you imagined how the sinful mixture might taste.Â
âDonât start something we donât have time to finish honey,â Joel reminded you, his husky voice drawing your eyes away from his crotch so that they could meet his own.Â
âMm hm, what happened to just give me five minutes baby,â you mimicked, kicking the sheets away so that you could crawl over to the edge of the bed.Â
Joel sighed as you lifted yourself from the mattress so that you could wrap your arms around his neck and pull his face closer. His jaw ticked as you pressed a smattering of kisses all over his face and neck, the restraint waning as his cock pulsed against you. With a cheeky grin, you nibbled on the sensitive skin below his ear and pulled at his hair, earning a pained growl from him that made your pussy clench. His nostrils flared with annoyance as he gripped your chin, yanking your face away from his neck so that he could get your attention.Â
âBaby, that was five minutes ago and now,â his lips hovered over yours, making your heart stutter before he added, âNow, weâre late.âÂ
And just like that, Joel was gone, untangling himself so that he could stroll towards the closet like he hadnât just made your pussy drip. Your mouth popped open, confusion soon morphing into annoyance as you watched him leave you high and dry.Â
âYouâre mean,â you whined, tossing a discarded pillow at the back of his head.Â
Joel turned and caught it, cocking his knee out as he gave you a pointed look.Â
âAnd youâre being unrealistic,â he chuckled, throwing the pillow back at you as he added, âIâve got methods baby, not magic. Sânot like I can just make ya cum out of thin air.âÂ
âOh my god, are you serious?,â you groaned at him, squirming at his words, âWhatever, go get dressed Method Man.âÂ
Joel gave you a mock salute, soldiering off into the closet so that he could get dressed. Although you wanted nothing more than to lounge in his bed all day, losing yourself in the solace that his presence gave you, he was right. You were late and Joelâs usual departure time had been surpassed hours ago. The two of you dressed in silence, stopping only to laugh over the poorly hidden bruises that mottled your neck and chest. With the dress you had worn the previous day barely containing your breasts, much less the love bites, you had no choice but to task him with sprinting over to your house to grab a fresh change of clothes.Â
Joel did his best, although you couldnât help but laugh at the ridiculous amount of options he had torn from your closet when he returned. A skirt, two pairs of pants, three sweaters, one shirt, six pairs of underwear, and no bra was insane, but you supposed that having choices was good - even if those choices didnât really make any sense. All that mattered to you in that moment was damage control. The last thing you needed was for the girls to see the imprint of their fatherâs canines indented on the top of one of your breasts, or the hickey he had sucked beneath your ear.Â
Joel gave you a lovestruck look as you gave him a kiss in thanks, making you shake your head at him as you drifted into the bathroom to see the full extent of the damage. Although you had spied a few of the marks after climbing out of bed, nothing could have prepared you for the havoc that had been wrought all over your body. With little options left, you sighed and decided upon the high necked dress Joel had snagged from the back of your closet, thankful that the form fitting teal fabric would at least somewhat cover the bruises.Â
Not that you minded them really. Each nip that stained your skin was a reminder of Joel, of his filthy words, of the feeling of his cock nudging your clit, of the way his teeth pushed you closer and closer to the edge until you exploded. You sighed as you tried to hide the rest of it with your hair, wishing like hell you owned a turtleneck or a concealer strong enough to hide the discoloration.Â
âHoly fucking shit,â you breathed, completely flabergasted by the damage.Â
Joel had been so gentle, or at least you had thought he was, ensuring that each sting had been partnered with a sharp pang of pleasure that left you weeping for more. The careful way he had touched you in the water, on the shore, in his bed just moments before, was so doting and warm that you barely noticed the pain. Even his hands, toughened from years of manual labor yet so soft for you, had left angry bruises on your hips that made you weak in the knees. You tried to think of a time where you had felt uncomfortable but came up empty, all you could remember was drowning in pleasure.Â
âMâsorry baby, I uh,â Joel winced as he came up behind you, sucking his teeth as you gawked at your nude form, âI guess I got carried away. Itâs been a while and youâre just soâŠâÂ
âNo,â you said softly, turning so that you could turn to look at him, âI liked it. Plus, you didnât get off scot free either Miller.âÂ
There were a few purple bruises left beneath Joelâs jaw, along with a nasty set of scratch marks dug into his shoulders. The marks sat small and proud, more modest than his but still acting as a reminder to him and anyone else that you had staked your claim. You smiled, trying not to seem too pleased with yourself as you stared at them. Â
âSuppose so,â he said with a grin, blushing as he looked over your head to examine them in the mirror.Â
Joel stepped forward so that he could shove his nose into the crook of your neck, breathing you in for a moment before he nuzzled the sensitive skin. You giggled, more than happy to be his hostage for a little while longer. He laid a kiss beneath your ear and you shivered, getting up on your tiptoes so that you could press one last kiss to his lips.Â
âMm good, now get,â you commanded, chuckling at his dazed look as you shoved him out of the bathroom, âYouâre distracting me and weâre already late.âÂ
Joelâs toothy grin was the last thing you saw as you clicked the door shut, leaving him beaming at the wood as you turned to get dressed. He waited patiently for you on the other side of the door, bounding over to you like an excitable puppy when you finally stepped out. You laughed and took his hand, shaking your head at the boyish glee on his face as he led you towards the kitchen.Â
The rest of the morning went off without a hitch, aside from the looks the two of you got from the girls the second your feet touched down on the first floor. Ellie seemed utterly confused, a question on the tip of her tongue before her sister jammed her elbow into her ribs and forced her to swallow it. Meanwhile Sarah was ridiculously excited, flitting back and forth in the kitchen as she made an extra plate of breakfast. The four of you ate together in unprecedented silence, with you and Joel ignoring the conversation the two teens were having with their eyes as you knocked knees beneath the table.
âHave a good day at work baby,â Joel said when it was time for the two of you to part ways, giving you a kiss that you wished could have lasted a bit longer.Â
The words rolled off of his tongue so easily that you wanted to scream into a pillow like a boy obsessed teen, but as the girls pushed past you to race towards the bus stop, you knew that it was time to take your leave.Â
âYou too cowboy, now can you please give me back my keys?,â you asked sweetly, holding a hand out for the pair he had swiped from you the previous day.Â
However, just as Joel had before, it was his keys that were placed in your hand. You cocked your head at the sight of the pink and green keychain, blinking up at him with a confused look on your face.Â
âUse my truck for today, Iâll come switch with ya once the mechanic is done with it,â he said, leaving you with another peck to the cheek before he moseyed off towards your car.Â
âWhat?,â you squawked, nearly falling over in your mary janes as you tried to catch up to him.Â
Joel turned abruptly and you slammed into his front, letting out a sharp oof as you bounced off the wall of muscle. He chuckled as he caught you by the waist, quickly straightening you out before you fell back on your ass.Â
âWoah there baby, take âer easy,â he laughed, ignoring the shakiness in your knees as he smoothed your hair down and straightened the collar of your dress.Â
âWhy are you - You canât just - Ugh, Joel!,â you whined, too flustered to articulate the protest that was on the tip of your tongue.Â
He shook his head and smiled, cooing at the grim line that formed between your eyebrows.Â
âI can and I will,â Joel replied simply as his thumb brushed your bottom lip, gently easing the pillowy skin from underneath your teeth as he continued, âThe mechanic owed me a favor for fixing his roof when he was in a tough spot. Figured Iâd call it in before ya blew yourself up.âÂ
âJoel, I canât let you do this. Itâs so kind but I really canât accept it. It wouldnât be right,â you whispered, with all of the usual fears about overstepping or asking for too much rearing up again.Â
He shook his head, âI wasnât asking your permission honey, itâs already done.âÂ
Again, Joel pulled away before you could argue, leaving you with one last breathless kiss that made your heart shudder against your ribcage. He strolled away with a shit eating grin on his face, completely ignoring the breathless woman standing in his driveway as he squeezed himself into the tiny car.Â
âFuck,â you swore, shaking yourself out of it so that you could head over to his truck.Â
You turned as your car sputtered to life, giggling at the sight of Joel cursing as he tried to get the stick shift unstuck. When he finally slammed it into reverse you winced at the sound of the low rumbling turning into an all out screech, giving him a sheepish look as his crestfallen face came into view. The wailing of the engine had become normal to you but based on the incredulous look Joel sent your way before he sped off, it must have meant something horrible.Â
You smiled and shook your head, feeling warm all over at the thought of your gentle giant crammed inside of a clown car so that he could ensure you were safe. With your mind buried in thoughts of Joel, you sighed and hoisted yourself up into his truck, trying like hell to keep it together so that you could make it to work without crashing.Â
- Joel -Â
âJesus, you must really like this girl if youâve got me out here doing this shit in the middle of the work day.âÂ
Joel sighed, rolling his eyes as he slid into the passengerâs seat. Tommy was right, but he didnât need to be so smug about it. Telling his brother about his plans that morning was certainly not on his to-do list but given how late he was, along with how the jobsite he was supposed to be at was on the other side of town, Joel had no choice but to borrow the mechanicâs phone and ask for a lift. Tommy had arrived with his signature sly grin and a thermos full of coffee, wasting no time before he started his endless stream of jabs.Â
That morning had been rough, with even some of the older guys joining in on the teasing tirade Tommy was on. Joel tried to ignore it, even skipping certain tasks so that he could escape the limelight but unfortunately, his brother was on a rampage that day. On any other day, he probably would have been able to handle it but after staying up all night to watch you sleep, he was on the verge of screaming at the next person who asked about his little girlfriend. By the time Joel dragged Tommy out of an unfinished home so that he could pick up your car from the mechanic and cheekily drop it off in your driveway in hopes that you would let him take you out that night, he was seconds away from strangling him.Â
âPull in here,â Joel grumbled, pointing towards the sandwich shop where he had placed an order.
âWow, lunch too? Sheesh,â Tommy whistled, eyebrows wiggling as he veered off into the parking lot, âYouâve got it bad huh.âÂ
âWould you quit it? She ainât had anything to eat yet, we were running late this morning,â Joel snapped as he pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance.Â
âOh, is that so? Why were you late Joel?â
It was a simple question, one that should warrant a straightforward answer. However, with memories of that morning still fresh in Joelâs mind, and his brotherâs knowing look burning a hole into the side of his face, he found himself at a loss for words. When nothing came, he turned in his seat, glaring at the younger man for a second before he swiftly wrenched the door open and hopped out of the Jeep.Â
âDonât be a dick,â Joel barked, petulantly slamming the door in his brotherâs face before he could respond.Â
Tommy didnât mean any harm with his teasing. If anything, it was probably the closest thing Joel could hope for in terms of support. He should be over the moon. His family liked you and they seemed to want him to be happy, or at least less grumpy than he usually was. However, it was already unnerving for him to claim someone so openly, to publicly put himself on the line by admitting he was enamored with you. The teasing only added to the pressure, making his responses snappy and bitter each time the younger man yanked his chain.Â
After being single for so long, Joel was completely out of his depth. There had been quips at one point in his relationship with Marlene, but those had faded away long before Sarah was even a thought, likely somewhere between their third or fourth breakup. Since then it had been nothing but dull reminders to get back out there, followed by the usual awkward line of questioning when he managed to procure a semi-regular booty call and had to ask his brother to babysit. None of those women had been invited into his home, much less allowed to meet his family, making it impossible for Tommy to tease him on a more personal level. Â
But you? Tommy knew you. He had seen the way Joel mooned over you, had witnessed first hand the obsessive way he followed you around the barbecue like a lovesick idiot. That meant that Tommy had all the ammo he needed to fuck with him, which was a terrifying thought indeed. Â
Nevertheless after everything that Joel had been through, he decided that he wanted the teasing, needed it really, along with the deep seeded frustration blooming in his chest as he paid for lunch. It was a good thing, a healthy part of the natural process that he had been benched from for years, something he was working through a sea of emotions to get past. You werenât them, he reminded himself, you werenât going to get scared and run off, or break his heart into a million pieces in a way only a friend could and leave him in a newer, more depressing way than before.Â
Memories from that morning flashed through Joelâs mind, the feeling of your soft skin against his, the way you so eagerly kissed him back, the sound of you sighing his name, and he clung to them all. He recalled how he had mindlessly grabbed your upper thigh mid breakfast, completely entranced by how squishy and warm it had looked trapped beneath the fabric of your dress, like the perfect pillow for him to rest his head on after a long day. Forgetting about the two teenagers who vibrated with a mixture of confusion and excitement from mere inches away, Joel had reached down and squeezed hard, earning a surprised look from you that made him realize the error in his ways. But just before he could pull away, you grabbed his hand, grinning at him as you held it in your lap for the remainder of the meal.Â
Joel smiled as he thought of you sitting at his table, remembering how the sunlight had bleached your eyelashes and made the highs of your cheekbones glow. With a sigh, he pushed all of his usual anxieties away and held on to that memory, letting the past go as he eased himself back into Tommyâs jeep. This time would be different because you were different. The newness and uncertainty of it all was terrifying but that didnât mean it wasnât worth it. So, as he shifted his focus back on the passing buildings while the jeep puttered around town, he ignored the childish taunts sent his way, counting the seconds until he could be back by your side.Â
- You -Â
The morning had started off perfect. Having Joel on top of you, his lips everywhere and his fingers sliding through your drenched folds, was like nothing you had ever experienced. He somehow knew your body like it was the back of his hand, working you up without ever even having to try. Half the time it seemed that Joel was unaware of the effect he had on you, which became clear in the middle of breakfast when one of his meaty hands had slid under the table to greedily squeeze the fat of your thigh. When your gaze snapped over to him, he looked like a kid with their hand caught in the cookie jar, completely oblivious to the fact that you were trying desperately to bite back a moan. To keep from bucking your hips into his palm you had smiled and grabbed his hand, holding it tight as a reminder to stay on your best behaviour.Â
The day had quickly gone sideways after that, but the only thing getting you through it was the thought of Joel. You wanted nothing more than to sprint from the building, racing back towards the house across the street so that you could crawl back into his bed, but it was pointless. The man that had made that space so warm, so welcoming, was gone, likely busy at one of his job sites. In all honesty, you werenât sure what being a contractor entailed but given the defined muscles all over his body, you let your mind wander to thoughts of him lifting heavy things and sawing thick logs of wood.Â
Perhaps Joel was busy building someoneâs dream home under the hot sun. You thought of how good he looked all sweaty, smiling as you remembered how the sweat had dripped from his curls and rolled down his neck as he fixed your AC. Or maybe, as the boss, he was posted up in his office for the day. You imagined Joel looking over blueprints with his trademark grimace, pouring over his work with a laser focus that anyone else would have mistaken for anger. With both equally tantalizing scenes in mind, you chuckled, feeling a bit better as you shook yourself from the fantasy.Â
The first blunder of the day had been small, almost forgettable in the grand scheme of things. In your post shitty date, post-Joel, haze of a Friday, you had screwed up the schedule for the week. For whatever reason, you had completely forgotten to book anyone for the opening shift on Monday, ensuring that you were the only staff member there for the first two hours of the day. Although it had been annoying to run around like a chicken with their head cut off until some of the other librarians began to filter in, you had sighed and laughed it off. Afterall, the morning crowd had been nice about it, kindly waiting their turn to check out as you sprinted around the building like a maniac.Â
After the first few librarians had taken their places, you thought you were in the clear, strolling back to your office with a pep in your step that had everything to do with the dreamboat you had woken up beside. That is, until a phone call from your local representative informed you that the budget for public libraries was yet again being cut. With a drawn out sigh, you had hung up and made a mental note to rework the budgets, silently cursing every politician in the state as you thought of the already underfunded programs that were about to get slashed again. Still, you had tried to remain positive, reminding yourself that the government being shitty was hardly a new phenomenon, but it was the third hour at work that had truly broken you.Â
After spending two painstaking hours reworking the libraryâs already tight finances, you had been called up to the front desk, pulled from the safety of your office under the guise of a new box of donated books. With a smile back on your face, you had hurried upstairs, thankful that at least there were some community members that cared about free access to literature.Â
However, when an orange envelope was suddenly slid into your hands, the stranger murmuring an awkward, âyouâve been served,â you felt every bit of hope evaporate into thin air. As the stranger walked away, you stared at the loopy handwriting on the side of it, knowing exactly who the sender was. Rage exploded from somewhere deep within, soon mixing with shame as you heard your coworkers whispering behind your back. Suddenly it felt like everyone in the building was staring at you, like they were mocking you for once again being stupid enough to try your hand at happiness. Tears blurred the edges of your vision as you stumbled away from all the attention, shoving the letter behind the front desk before you hastened toward the stacks.Â
Peter had beat you to the punch, likely employing the best lawyer in town to take you for everything you were worth. But that was the thing that confused you, there was nothing for him to take. In your desperation to escape the life he had locked you in, you had abandoned everything. The cars, the jewels, the fancy sheets, the credit cards - Hell, even the antique lamp you had personally bought for your bedside table had been left behind. Still, that didnât mean that the summons didnât terrify you. Although your current home and car had been paid for with funds from your own personal bank account, you werenât sure if that meant Peter had any claim over them. Could he take those from you? And if he did, what on earth would you do?Â
With a gut wrenching mixture of embarrassment and worry making your head pound, you decided to remain within the safety of the literary fortress. The smell of aged books surrounded you, easing the stress from your shoulders as you thumbed through some of the titles. The section you were in was quiet, with nothing but old history texts and the sound of your heart rate slowing to keep you company as you corrected some of the misplaced works. You let yourself get lost in the familiar task, even stopping to read some of the abstracts before you shoved the faded title back in its place. It was boring and mundane, but being surrounded by books had been the thing that got you through the past ten years. Maybe it could get you through this as well.Â
âScuse me miss, Iâm looking for a book and I was wonderinâ if a pretty thing like you could help me out,â a deep voice said from behind you, breaking the solace you had worked so hard for.Â
Anger flashed through you, making you stand ramrod straight and readjust the hem of your dress. After all that had been thrown at you that morning, the last thing you needed was some chauvinist pig leering at your thighs as you kindly told him exactly where he could stick it. With a pinched look, you squared your shoulders, the venom spewing from your lips before you had even fully turned.Â
âLook asshole, I donât know who taught you how to talk to women but you canât just -âÂ
The words died on your tongue, all of the fight evaporating the second your eyes landed on Joel. He gave you an amused look, chuckling as you balked at his presence. For a moment you wondered if you were hallucinating, if somehow you had summoned his spirit to help cope, but the second you smelled the spiciness of his cologne, you put those thoughts to bed. Joel was really at your work, wearing a filthy set of rumpled clothes that somehow still looked good as he swaggered towards you.Â
âI-I uh, what are you doing here?,â you stuttered, your voice high pitched and scratchy.Â
He quirked an eyebrow, âDid you think I was taking that rust bucket off your hands for good or did you forget about our little trade this morning?âÂ
âOh, IâŠ,â you trailed off, shaking your head to clear some of the hectic morning away, âYeah, I guess I did. Sorry, itâs been a crazy day.âÂ
Joel nodded thoughtfully, dropping his bag as he stepped into your space and placed his hands on your hips. The heat that rolled off of him permeated the thin fabric of your dress and you leaned into it, drifting closer until you were practically slumped into him. He made a surprised noise when you pressed your face into his chest, greedily huffing at his delicious scent as you wrapped your arms around him and squeezed. There was a second where Joel just stood there, likely reeling from the disaster he had unknowingly walked into, before he enveloped you in a bone crushing hug. You bit the inside of your cheek as he kissed the top of your head, trying hard not to break down into tears.Â
âAw honey, that bad huh?,â he asked as he drew soothing circles up and down your back.Â
You sighed shakily, âYou have no idea.âÂ
Joel hummed, allowing you to squeeze the daylights out of him like he was some sort of stress ball for a few more seconds before he slowly retracted himself. You whined but begrudgingly let him go, trying to take some comfort in the fact that his arms were still wrapped around your waist. He cooed at your distress and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, doting upon you so sweetly that your lower lip trembled in response.Â
âEyes on me sweet girl,â Joel said, smiling when you followed his order, âThere she is, thatâs better. Look honey, I donât know whatâs got you down but I brought some lunch. How about you take a break and you can tell me all about it?â
âYes please,â you agreed, earning a small laugh from him.Â
âMmkay baby, how about you lead the way? I ainât been here for years,â he admitted, letting go of you so that he could grab his bag and gesture towards the end of the aisle.Â
Although leaving the solace of your beloved books was hard, you had to admit, having Joel at your side made it a lot easier. He acted almost like a bodyguard, glaring at the looky loos who had witnessed you get served by the front desk. With the grumpy man glued to your back, you were untouchable, his prickly presence shielding you from their scrutiny.Â
Joel didnât say anything to anyone, nor did he have to, he just held open doors and warded off any of the regulars who failed to recognize your frazzled state. He even managed to scare off the chattiest of the bunch, sullenly staring at the side of her face until she excused herself and practically ran back up to the main floor. You gave him a pointed look after that, shaking your head at his antics as you led him into your small office in the back of the less frequented basement.Â
âHere it is, home sweet home,â you joked, gesturing towards the drab four walls where you mulled over budgets and timesheets.Â
In your defence, you had really tried to make the space nicer, but there was only so much a person could do. The lumpy sofa had been adorned with a few colorful knit blankets that helped offset the terrible shade of piss yellow, while the walls were filled with paintings that somewhat distracted from the peeling wallpaper with faded bundles of flowers all over it. The coffee table that the previous librarian had left behind was scratched and wobbly, the ancient piece of furniture undoubtedly a product of some kidâs woodshop project, but the books and nicknacks on it made it look a little less pathetic.  Â
It wasnât all bad though. Your desk was nice, although the glossy wood was covered in stacks of paper and scribbled reminders. The horrendous ceiling light had been unscrewed after your first day, replaced by a plethora of lamps that bathed the room in a warm glow rather than the migraine inducing fluorescents. A few plants lined the tiny window and an oil diffuser pumped lavender into the air, hiding the mustiness that plagued the rest of the basement. Overall, the office wasnât a complete dump anymore, though you knew it still miles away from being impressive.Â
âI like it,â Joel said as he slid onto the couch, grunting as his tailbone undoubtedly smacked against the soft spot where the frame of it stuck out.Â
âListen, I tried my best. We canât all be literal homemakers Mr. Contractor-man,â you sighed as you plopped down on the other side of it.Â
Joelâs brows pinched together as he looked at the space between you, glaring at the singular couch cushion that separated you like it had personally insulted him. He shook his head after a moment and then launched forward, making you squeal as he grabbed you by the hips. His hands batted yours away, ignoring your protests as he dragged you closer.Â
âThere we go, thatâs better,â Joel murmured, smiling as he rearranged your limbs so that you were pressed into his side.Â
âYou didnât have to do that Joel,â you said quietly, feeling your cheeks grow warm under his careful vigilance.Â
âSâgot nothing to do with you baby. I just missed ya,â he responded.Â
The way Joel said it, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, was so nonchalant. It was like the comment was nothing, but it meant the world to you. Although you werenât sure how long his break was, it was definitely too short to be driving across town to have lunch with a woman who was once again a disaster. But Joel hadnât shied away from your obvious turmoil, remaining strong in the face of danger. Undeterred by the sour look on your face and the way your shoulders slumped under the pressure, he had found a way to somehow make you feel better, even if it wasnât a part of his original plan. That wasnât nothing, that was everything.Â
âOkay so, I know that this is a bit repetitive but I wasnât sure what your usual takeout order is. I thought maybe Indian food but some people donât like spice, sushi was way too risky, and pizza just felt more of a Friday night dinner type of thing,â Joel sighed as he dug through the bag.Â
You giggled, âA Friday night dinner type of thing? God, youâre such a dad.âÂ
âWhat? That ainât a dad thing,â he argued, shaking his head at the jest, âI mean sure, I order it for me and the girls on Fridays usually, but thatâs just a coincidence.âÂ
âSure.âÂ
Joel sucked his teeth, ignoring the comment as he muttered, âWhatever, here. I figured sandwiches were a safe bet.âÂ
He pulled out the two wrapped subs out of the bag, along with a package of cookies that made your mouth water and a can of coke he tossed your way. You snatched the sweet treats out of his hand, tearing the bag open so that you could get a mouth full of chocolatey goodness.Â
âDessert before dinner? Were ya raised in a barn or something?,â Joel whistled, taking the other cookie and chomping down despite his comment.Â
âRaised in a barn? Seriously? Thatâs pure dad right there,â you joked around a mouthful of food, getting an eye roll from him in return.Â
There was an easy silence after that while the two of you ate, enjoying the simple pleasure of being in each otherâs presence as you both devoured the meal. The sandwiches were just as delicious as the cookies and you were surprised at how quickly you inhaled it. With how stressful the morning had been, you hadnât even realized the appetite you had worked up.Â
âHoly shit, that was good,â you sighed as you sat back, thankful that your tummy wasnât confined to the tight dress pants you debated on wearing, âI didnât even realize how hungry I was, thank you Joel.â
âNo need to thank me darling, I wanted to see you for a bit. Plus, I figured that I should probably bring ya something since I was the one that made us late,â Joel said apologetically, waving off the praise as he took the can of coke from your hands and placed it on the coffee table.Â
âHm yeah, I had bigger things on my mind this morning,â you said wryly, wiggling your eyebrows at him.Â
He grinned mischievously, âBig huh?âÂ
The laugh you let out at that was loud and rough, bouncing off the walls as the knot in your throat finally loosened. Joel's face softened, his body relaxing a bit at the sight of you happy once more. Contentment radiated off of him, the pride he felt for making you smile evident in his pleased look. When you were done, he took one of your hands in his, bringing it up to his lips so that he could kiss the back of it. Â
âWanna talk about it now?,â Joel tried,Â
You sighed, taking a second to stare down at your entwined hands before you nodded. Although talking about it was the last thing you wanted to do, you knew that Joel was probably the only person in the world who could make you feel better. He soothed your nerves by just being near, his presence acting like liquid vicodin injected straight to your veins. So you began, letting the floodgates open as you fidgeted with his thick fingers.Â
Joel let you talk, letting out nothing but a few disgruntled noises and sympathetic hums as you did. He let your words sit for a moment when you were done, leaving you to simmer as you tried to forget the embarrassment of being served at your place of work. You were completely mortified, utterly distraught as you started to ramble about all the nasty things that the other librarians were probably saying about you, but Joel wouldnât have it. After only a few seconds of self deprecation, he tore you from your seat, a grimace on his face as he pulled you onto his lap. You let out a yelp, surprised but not unwilling as you straddled him. The fabric of your dress rolled up a bit, revealing a few inches of skin that he brushed his hands over absentmindedly before they came to rest on your hips.Â
âMâsorry honey, but you gotta know that none of that is true. Youâre smart, kind, beautiful, and so fucking incredibly impressive that all of those librarians are probably just shocked someone would be stupid enough to let you go,â Joel said softly, sincerity laced in every syllable.
âStop,â you croaked, looking away as your face grew warm, âYou donât mean that.â
âI do mean it. Look at you baby, how could I not? Christ, I donât know how I got so lucky to meet someone as perfect as you, but I thank my lucky stars every day that I did,â he argued, pulling your chin so that you were looking at him as he asked,âWhat can I do? Tell me baby and Iâll make it happen.â
Shock, hope, gratitude, want, and need bloomed inside of you, along with something more elusive that you had yet to figure out. What could Joel do? You wanted to laugh. He was already doing it, tearing apart the ugly bitterness that threatened to swallow you whole by just being him.Â
âNothing,â you sighed, knocking your forehead against his as you added, âYouâre already doing it. Just keep being you and Iâll be okay.â
A flush rose to Joelâs cheeks, spreading down his neck until it disappeared under his collar. His eyes gleamed with delight as he gave you a boyish grin that was filled with hope. Your heart stuttered as one of his hands cupped the side of your face, his thumb caressing the underside of your jaw as he leaned in.Â
âBut I can do more than that baby. Please, Iâll give you anything, just tell me,â Joel whispered.Â
The desperation in his voice was heartbreaking, the request not unlike the prayer of a broken man pleading for salvation. You blinked at him, overwhelmed by the awe inspiring devotion that the man seemed to inexplicably have for you. Before you could think better of it, you grabbed Joelâs face and pressed your foreheads together, lips inches away from each other as you gazed upon him. His eyes locked on yours, the mixture of reverence and desire present in those pools of melted chocolate igniting a fire between your legs.Â
âAll I need is you Joel,â you admitted, no longer afraid to say it aloud, âCanât you see that?â
Joel didnât have a chance to answer before you smashed your lips against his in a bruising kiss. He groaned as your hands crept up into his hair, pulling on the sweaty strands as your tongue slipped into his mouth. Unlike the kiss you had shared in his driveway that morning as you said goodbye, this one was downright filthy. The desperation the two of you felt was palpable as hands roamed unabashedly, tongues tangling as you both tried to douse the desire that had been building since sunrise.Â
âFuck,â you whimpered when he pulled away, hips twitching as he placed sloppy open mouthed kisses to the bruises on the side of your neck.Â
âMmm, no time for that honey, but I can think of something else I could do for ya,â Joel teased, giving your jaw a playful nip before he pulled away.Â
âWhat do you m- Ah!,â you shrieked, the high pitched squeal soon turning into a girlish giggle as your back hit the couch cushions.Â
Joel grinned as he climbed overtop of you, giving you another earth shattering kiss that left you breathless once more before he drifted down the length of your body. He wasted no time pulling your dress up the second you gave him permission, yanking your panties off so aggressively that the thin cotton ripped down the middle. You gasped, unable to dwell on the loss or complain as you watched him bring the ruined fabric up to his nose and groan like a wounded animal. Joel locked eyes with you as he shoved your panties into his back pocket and winked, making your belly do a little flip as he lifted one of your legs and started to kiss up the inside of your thigh.Â
âJoel, you donât have to - fuck - I mean if you donât want to - oooh my god,â you gasped, head thrown back as you felt his hot breath fanning out over your weeping cunt.Â
âPretty sure I want to baby.â
The smart thing to do was to stop him, to remind Joel that you were at work, completely exposed with the door unlocked. However, all thoughts of protesting soon went out the window as he threw both of your legs over his shoulders. His thick fingers pried open your folds and he grinned at the mess he found, watching as you dripped steadily onto the cushion below. He looked absolutely starved, ravenous for you as he licked his lips at the sight of the glistening cunt inches away from his mouth.Â
âAw honey, did she miss me? Look at how wet she is, just fucking drooling for me,â Joel groaned as he splayed your limbs wider, leaving you even more exposed to him, âTell me what you want baby. Câmon, wanna hear you say it.â
âJoooel,â you whimpered, unable to even buck your hips at him as he trapped them against the cushion below, âI need you. Please, please, please, just touch me baby.âÂ
Joel made a feral noise, growling like an untamed beast as he flattened his tongue and dragged it up the length of your pussy. He sighed at the taste, cursing as he broke and shoved his face into your center. Every bit of Joelâs patience disappeared as he devoured every inch of you, with him making ridiculously lewd sounds as he practically made out with your sopping cunt. The cries you let out in response to his passion were high pitched and loud, undoubtedly echoing throughout the basement as your entire body shook with delight.Â
You tried and failed to get a grip on the cushion below, needing something to hold on to so that you didnât fall off the face of the earth, but Joel was already one step ahead of you. He tore your hands from where they scrabbled against the upholstery, directing them into his curls so that you could yank on them as much as you pleased. Shaky praise poured from your mouth as his tongue shifted from long strokes to calculated flicks and circles that made your clit jump, causing your thighs to shake around his head. All you could do was bear it, utterly trapped beneath the strong grip he had on your hips and the downright territorial grunts he made each time you tried to pull away from his mouth.Â
âJoel, Joel, Joel, fuck,â you whimpered, tears dripping down your face as you tore at his hair.Â
Joel groaned at the harsh pull, his hips grinding against the side of the couch in response to the sting. With shaking arms, you propped yourself up and looked down, moaning wantonly at the sight of the devastatingly handsome man who was lapping at your pussy like it was a delicacy. His eyes were sealed shut, brow pinched in ecstasy as he savoured the taste.Â
That sight alone was enough to drive you wild but when one of Joelâs hands snuck in between your thighs to prod at your entrance, teasing the weeping hole with two fingers before he carefully eased them inside, every bit of sense flew straight out of your head. You had spent countless nights with your own hand between your thighs, desperately plunging your fingers in and out as you imagined all of the things Joel might do to you. But having his thick fingers stretch you out, the length of them ensuring he could easily zero in on that one spot that made you see stars, was so much better.Â
âYes, yes, yes, yes, fuuuuck - Joel!â you moaned, practically levitating off the cushions as he worked you to the brink with a practiced ease.Â
No matter how hard you thrashed or how loud you squealed, Joel remained unswayed, sucking your clit into his mouth as his fingers pistoned away inside of you. Each stroke was accompanied with a mindblowing suck and flick combination that left you cross eyed and babbling, tearing his hair out at the roots as you barreled towards the precipice. You panted and whined, shaking like a leaf as he took you higher and higher, the pleasure becoming so intense that you briefly worried it might kill you. He grunted as you squirmed, doubling down on his efforts despite your half assed attempts to get away. The intensity built and built despite your pointless wriggling, your pussy gushing all over his face as you cried out his name over and over.Â
âJoel, mâgonna - ohmyfuckinggod - youâre gonna make me - f-fuck,â you sobbed, uncaring of who heard you sing for him as you let out a string of coloful obscenities.Â
The schlick, schlick, schlick of Joelâs hand increased, making you convulse as his thick fingers hammered against your g-spot. Your clit throbbed from in between his lips, walls clenching around his digits as the pressure grew. He chuckled as you twisted in his grasp and yanked mercilessly at his curls, moving his face away so that he could take in the devastation he had caused.Â
âLook at me honey.â
The command was soft but demanding, Joelâs voice giving off a gentle authority that had you snapping your head downwards to take him in. It took a moment for you to blink away the tears in your eyes but when you did, you couldnât help but give him a breathless smile. He was so pretty with his hair askew, his eyes bright and lively as your juices dripped down his chin. The sight of him was incredibly beautiful, it was utterly depraved, it was world ending, and it was, most of all, something you wanted to see every day for as long as he would have you.Â
âJoel,â you whispered, chest heaving as his fingers continued to drill into you.Â
âI know baby, I can feel her squeezing my fingers,â Joel swore, nipping the inside of your thigh as his hips continued to grind against the upholstery, âSâokay though honey, mânot gonna make ya beg for it this time. Wanna see this tight little pussy fucking gush. Let me have it pretty girl.âÂ
Joel didnât waste any time leaning back down to take your clit in between his lips, sucking it so hard that your mouth fell open in a silent scream. Your entire body trembled, legs shaking as your clit throbbed and your pussy locked his fingers in place. An obscene wail came from you as the world fell away, eyes rolling into the back of your head as the pressure building in your abdomen finally exploded into toe curling pleasure. He groaned as the first bit of your release graced his taste buds, happily lapping up every bit of it as you dissolved into a puddle of desperate cries and senseless moans.Â
Joel kept going until every bit of pleasure had been wrung out of you, until you were hissing and shoving his head away from your core as the overstimulation took hold. You were a complete mess, sweating and shaking as you blindly reached out for him. He had stripped you of all your senses, leaving you exposed and much too vulnerable to be left without his comforting touch. A childish whine rang out in the air, answered by a swift kiss to your outstretched hand as Joel climbed back up the length of your body and blanketed himself over your shaking form. He was just as wrecked, red faced and panting as he looked at you like you were some kind of miracle.Â
âJesus Christ Joel, that wasâŠ,â you trailed off, incapable of putting the intense pleasure he had wrung from you into words.Â
âI know honey, you were incredible. God, youâre so fucking beautiful, just the sexiest and most gorgeous girl Iâve ever seen. Iâm one lucky bastard,â Joel praised, his honeyed words accompanied with the sweetest of kisses that he laid all over your face.Â
The last peck was planted on your lips, the both of you smiling into the kiss like maniacs. Your heart fluttered, the poor organ thumping hard against the walls of your chest as Joelâs hands rubbed the strain from your hips. He pulled away before it got too heated, smiling serenely as he pushed some wayward strands out of your eyes.Â
âBetter?,â he asked quietly after a moment, the hopeful look on his face stirring the butterflies in your belly.Â
âMuch better,â you cooed, snaking one hand down to cup him, âBut how about now I return the f- oh.âÂ
The entire front of Joelâs jeans was damp, drenched in what must have been a torrent of pearly white cum. Your mouth fell open, the shock evident on your face as your fingers brushed over his softened cock still trapped in denim. He hissed and bucked his hips away from your touch, the sensitivity making him grind his teeth together. You blinked as a small heartbeat started between your thighs, lust taking hold again at the thought of Joel Miller cumming in his pants like a horny teen as you fell apart on his tongue.Â
âMâsorry sweetheart, you just tasted so fucking good and the way you were pulling my hair was - mmpphh-â
Joel groaned as you yanked him into another kiss, dropping down so that he could meld his body into yours. He pinned you against the cushions, the pressure of his weight forcing all remaining tension to dissipate as he claimed your mouth with his own. By the time he pulled away, you were drunk off of him, utterly intoxicated as he crowded all of your senses.Â
âNever fucking apologize for that Joel,â you scolded when he broke away, pushing back some of the hair that flopped onto his forehead with a proud grin, âI made you do that? Without even touching you? Fuck, thatâs the hottest thing Iâve ever heard.âÂ
âJesus honey, you donât even know what you do to me. Mâgoing wild trying not to pounce on ya every chance I get. Sâall I can think about,â Joel admitted, shaking his head at the thought of it.Â
âSo pounce cowboy, I can handle it,â you said with a wink.Â
Joel grinned in response, making you giggle as he leaned down and nuzzled at your neck. You shoved your hands beneath his shirt, rubbing the tension from his back and shoulders until he was mumbling sleepy praises into your ear. The room was silent, save for the sound of the oil diffuser pumping out fragrant air, but you didnât mind it. It was refreshing to simply exist with someone else, to lounge with and appreciate a lover without feeling the need to converse, to allow yourself the indulgence of being held, to somehow know that he felt the same. Although you knew it was way past time for him to leave, you selfishly clung to him, answering his mumbled praises with sweet nothings that made him grin against your skin.Â
âCome to Tommyâs with me tonight,â Joel said after a while, pulling back when you made a confused noise, âThe girls are going to a school dance so itâll just be us and them, but I promised that Iâd go. It might suck but uh⊠I think if you went itâd be fun. What do ya say?â
âAre you inviting me to this dinner because you really want me there or because you donât want to be left alone with your brother?,â you asked with a raised eyebrow.Â
He grinned wryly, âCanât it be both?âÂ
The look on your face made Joel laugh and you joined in, shaking your head at his attempt to escape his younger brotherâs taunts by bringing a buffer. You didnât mind, remembering how friendly Maria had been, and how kind her loud yet sociable partner had been. In truth, your Monday nights usually consisted of you making a subpar frozen meal and flipping through the channels until the clock struck ten. At times the girls would come over to break that routine but even still, the night ended with you going to bed alone for yet another night. The thought of socializing with people your own age, of spending more time with the handsome man who had just devoured you whole and perhaps even slipping into his bed for another night, was incredibly attractive and you found yourself accepting before you could give it another thought.Â
âYeah?,â he asked hopefully, a wide grin plastered across his face as excitement took hold.Â
You nodded, âYeah.âÂ
Joel sighed like a ton of bricks had just been lifted from his shoulders, groaning a muffled thank god as he let himself collapse against you. The two of you laid like that for far too long, melded together for well over an hour before you both remembered it was the middle of the workday. He left soon after that, going white and nearly falling off the couch as he mumbled something about his brother being pissed.Â
You tried your best to help Joel clean off the front of his jeans before he left, only for the both of you to realize that the damage was pretty well irreversible. In the end, the best either of you could do was have him hold his empty tote in front of his crotch as you snuck him out the back exit. He was nearly around the corner of the building before he turned around, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he lifted his hand in the air, and then he was gone.Â
With the promise to come pick you up after work, Joel had returned to work and left you with nothing but passion filled memories. You stayed in the doorway for a few minutes after he was gone, smiling at the corner where he had turned to wave goodbye for far too long. There was so much left for you to do before the end of the day and yet, you couldnât help but dwell on his absence for just a few seconds longer.Â
The morning had been absolute hell, a true test of your ability to cope and you had almost failed. With your entire being buzzing with anxiety, your blood boiling, and your fingers gripping every book you came across far too tightly, Joel had found you. If it were anyone else, you would have cast them aside, demanding they leave so that you could withdraw into isolation for protection.Â
But what you felt for Joel was more than anything you could put into words. It was a kind of familiarity, the feeling of a missing piece finally crawling home, the terrifying and ecstatic notion of being truly known by someone. It was nothing and everything all at once, which left you no choice but to stand there and yearn for a few more moments before you tore yourself away and returned to work.Â
-Â
The sight of Joel leaned up against the side of his truck was like something out of a dream. His hair was pushed back with just a hint of gel, while his grimey work clothes had been replaced with a clean pair of jeans and a black t-shirt that showed off his biceps. You skipped over to Joel after waving goodbye to the rest of the staff, ignoring the looks of intrigue as you hastened your pace and planted one on him the second you reached him. He chuckled as he followed your lead and treated the audience to a show, even giving you a little dip that made you giggle before he pulled away.Â
âHey,â Joel laughed, looking dazed as he helped you stand upright again.Â
âHey,â you giggled, playfully nipping at the hands that attempted to fix your more rogue strands.
There was no point in Joel trying to straighten up your hair, you had learned that hours ago when you tried to tame the unruly locks in the employee bathroom. If he wanted every piece to sit perfectly on your head, he probably shouldnât have feasted on you like you were a four course meal in the middle of the workday. With all sense of cooperation literally fucked out of your hair, the messy updo you had wrangled the disaster into was the best you could do.Â
âReady to go?,â he asked, getting a giddy nod from you.Â
âYeah but uh, whereâs my car? I was going to grab something from the trunk but I canât see where you parked it. I thought you said you got it fixed this afternoon,â you questioned as you scanned the nearly empty parking lot for the tiny blue hatchback.Â
âOh, I dropped it off at your house and had Tommy drive me over for lunch. Figured weâd only need one car if you agreed to tag along,â he answered.Â
âAnd if I hadnât?,â you prodded, laughing at the bashful look he gave you. Â
âWell shit, I guess I wouldâve been begging for forgiveness then darling,â Joel mumbled.Â
The awkward look on his face soon morphed into a small grin as you cackled. It had been ballsy for him to assume that you would accept the invitation but you had to admit, you kinda liked it. Joel had made space for you in his life without even thinking about it, acting as though your presence in his future plans was a given. You imagined being able to do the same, to make plans with the knowledge that your handsome neighbour would accompany you without question. After ten years of marriage where you had been forced to beg for his attention and attendence to things that mattered to you, Joelâs forwardness was like a breath of fresh air.Â
âAlright, but only because youâre cute,â you cooed.Â
âHmm good, because I canât even imagine what kind of talking to Iâd get if you didnât come. Heâs some cross with me after our visit this afternoon,â he sighed.Â
You cocked your head at him, unsure of who Joel was referring to. Who on earth would be mad at him and what did it have to do with his visit? However, after wracking your brain for an answer, you looked at the truck that had been sitting in the parking lot since opening and it clicked.
âJoel!,â you admonished, smacking him on the chest as you realized what he had put the younger man through, âHow long was he out here waiting?âÂ
âOw! Would you stop it, you nut?,â Joel laughed, easily wrestling you so that your arms were trapped at their sides, âDonât worry about Tommy, he was fiiiiine. Plus, sânot like he couldnât have just driven away if he wanted to. He was the dumbass that stayed.âÂ
âHow long?â
He sighed, âFine, I told him to come pick me up at one.âÂ
âJoel!,â you chastised weakly, unable to keep your composure as you remembered how long Joel had kept you trapped beneath him, âHoly shit, we fucking suck. We didnât even try to get up until like two.âÂ
âI know. He wasnât exactly a happy camper by the time I came out but uh⊠WellâŠ,â Joel chuckled, going red as he added, âThe fact that he had to drive me home so that I could change my pants certainly didnât help my case.âÂ
âWhy didnât you just take your own truck?,â you asked.Â
âYouâve still got my keys darling. I wasnât about to leave ya without a vehicle or worse, walk back into the library with cum stains on my jeans,â he said with a shrug.Â
With your brow furrowed, you reached into your bag to check, gasping as your hands came across a simple braided keychain instead of the metal cactus that was attached to your own set. When Joel had left that afternoon, your mind had still been muddled with thoughts of his talented tongue and sweet words. The thought of giving them back hadnât even crossed your mind. Â
âShit, my bad Joel. I didnât even think about it,â you apologized, giving him an awkward grin as you passed him the keys, âIn my defence, I was a bit busy trying to make my legs work after you sucked my soul out of my goddamn coochie.â
Joelâs head tipped back as he laughed, his entire frame shaking as he let the boisterous sound fill the parking lot. You chuckled along, a pleased smile on your face as you watched him drop all of his reservations.Â
âJesus Christ, youâre fucking ridiculous,â he panted after he got it together, shaking his head at you as he stepped back and gestured towards the truck, âCâmon, best not to keep them waiting any longer. At this rate, Iâd never hear the end of it.âÂ
The passenger side was opened by him and you stepped forward to climb in. However, just as you were about to clamber into the cab, you noticed a small flower pot in your seat. The pot was blue, with yellow bumble bees painted on the side of it that made you grin. Joel had buckled it into the seat like it was precious cargo, inexplicably strapping it down despite the fact that the truck was stationary. Laceleaf grew out of the dirt, the red blossoms making you smile as you carefully released the plant from the confines of the seatbelt.Â
âWhereâd you get this?,â you breathed, grinning wide as your thumb rubbed the waxy leaves.Â
âThereâs a store in town that sells flowers and other plant stuff. Mânot gonna lie, I was just gonna get you roses, but then I saw this one all by itself and I just figuredâŠ,â Joel stopped, cheeks growing red as he let the rest hang in the air. Â
âThat itâd be lonely,â you finished, throat thick with emotion as he nodded once in response.Â
That was not the way Joel Millerâs brain worked, you knew it down to your core. He was not the type to personify plants or feel bad for the runts that were left behind in the store, but you were. His original plan was undoubtedly to go in there for a bouquet, something normative and romantic that you would appreciate. But this? Buying a plant because he knew that you would hate the thought of it being all alone? That was ten times better than any bunch of roses that would inevitably wilt and end up being turned into potpourri after a week.Â
âI love it Joel,â you said softly, close to tears as you added a painfully honest, âItâs perfect.âÂ
Youâre perfect, you wanted to add, but refrained in fears that Joel would argue. He couldnât possibly understand the truth in that statement but if it was the last thing you did, you were going to prove it to him. Joel Miller was the first man that had made you feel safe and wanted in years. And if that wasnât enough, he was the only one who had actually taken the time to get to know you. After all of that, returning the favour by helping him realize just how fantastic he was felt like the least you could do for him.Â
âGood, mâglad you like it sweetheart,â he answered, effectively putting the matter to bed as he took the plant from your grasp and helped you into the truck. Â
Joel handed you the cute little flower pot once you were buckled in, leaning into the cab to kiss your cheek before he shut your door and raced to the other side. He practically leapt into the driverâs seat when he reached it, leaning forward to give you another kiss that made you want to kick your feet in excitement.Â
âEasy loverboy, weâve got somewhere to be,â you joked, making him groan as you pushed him back into his seat, âPlus, like you said, I donât think Tommy would appreciate having to wait around again and Iâd like to make a good impression.âÂ
âYeah, yeah,â Joel sighed, rolling his eyes dramatically as he turned the key in the ignition and veered out of the parking lot, âI guess weâll just have to circle back to that later.â
Later.Â
Just that one, singular word had you walking on cloud nine. There would be a later, a continuation of the passion that grew between you with each passing minute. And maybe, if you were lucky, there would be even more laters after that one. Either way, that one promise had you grinning like a madman as Joelâs hand found your thigh, his thumb brushing the soft skin as the library disappeared in the rearview mirror. Â
- Joel -Â
Joel wasnât sure how bringing you to his brotherâs house was going to play out but to his surprise, the reality had turned out better than any of his greatest fantasies. There you were, curled up on the couch with a glass of wine, laughing at something Maria said as he watched you from the kitchen. The cutting board where he was supposed to be stationed was abandoned somewhere behind him, his duties shirked as he stood in the doorway. Joel was awestruck, too busy sneaking glances at you carving a place for yourself in his life and rushing over to top up drinks to help his brother finish up with dinner.Â
âChrist man, I donât even know why I asked you to help me. I might as well just do it myself,â Tommy muttered from the stove, side eyeing him as he flipped the buns and shoved them back in the oven for a few more minutes.Â
âWhat? Iâm right here, just needed to stretch my legs is all,â Joel argued, granting himself one last look before he turned back towards the veggies he was supposed to be chopping.Â
âYeah, alright.â
Joel rolled his eyes but didnât say a word, knowing that whatever argument he made could easily be shot down. He was, after all, quite obviously gawking at you from the kitchen, brazenly ignoring the task at hand so that he could watch you bloom. You were magnetic, so absolutely captivating that it was impossible for him not to stare.Â
âSâalright,â Tommy sighed, pausing to taste the pulled pork in the crockpot before he added, âI guess itâs better to have ya all dopey instead of having to break bread with a sourpuss.âÂ
Joel scoffed, âSourpuss is a bit overboard, donât ya think?â
âNope.â
Sure, he had never exactly been cheery or happy go lucky, but sourpuss? Had Joel really been that bad? He supposed that it wasnât shocking. For years there had been something weighing him down, a deep seeded unhappiness that he wasnât sure how to diminish, much less acknowledge. It was hard for Joel to admit something was wrong. After all, his life wasnât awful. By all accounts, it was perfectly fine. Not perfect or particularly eventful, but fine at the very least. In truth, he didnât know that he could hope for more than that.Â
âI really like her, Tommy,â Joel admitted after a while, shocking even himself with the uncharacteristic confession, âSheâs just⊠sheâs different somehow. I donât know why sheâs different yet or how I know, but I just do.â
âShit,â Tommy said, his usually smug grin melting into something more sincere, âWell mâglad you finally made it official. I was worried I was gonna have to go all grade school and ask her out for you or something.âÂ
Joel chuckled, remembering a slightly more awkward version of himself that had handed his younger brother a messy valentine with the instructions to give it to the prettiest girl in his class. It was a ridiculous plan, especially since the clueless third grader had walked directly to the teacher instead of the girl who had hugged him underneath the jungle gym during lunch. But luckily for Joel, you werenât Leah Mortimer and he had long since grown out of the need to hide behind his more extroverted sibling.Â
âYeah well, Iâm a bit too old to have my kid brother asking out girls for me,â Joel laughed.Â
âGood, mâglad youâve got someone now,â Tommy said truthfully, sighing as he continued, âIâve been worried about what was gonna happen when the girls leave for college in a couple years. Lord knows how dramatic your ass is about to be. Maybe having a girlfriend will distract ya.â
Joel shuddered, shooting his brother a warning look for bringing up the unthinkable. In his mind, those two were going to be his babies until the day he died. The idea of them suddenly being old enough to fly the coop made his stomach roil. Joel didnât even want to think about what his life would look like with them gone. Although Tommy did have a point, as he knew that having you around to soften the blow would make the distant future at least somewhat less painful.Â
âMaybe,â Joel sighed as he added the chopped veggies to the salad bowl, âBut donât go calling her my girlfriend yet. We havenât exactly talked about it.âÂ
âSeriously? Didnât you just take her out on Sunday? And what about the sleepover? Or um, hello? The fucking rigamoral you put me through this afternoon so that you two could f-â
Joel hushed him then, whipping his head around to make sure you didnât hear his brotherâs booming voice. Luckily for him, you had your head bent over an old photo album, looking very serious as you nodded along to whatever Maria was saying. Although he wasnât particularly thrilled to have you seeing his acne ridden teenage years, it was way better than having you hear his brotherâs jests. If it had been up to Joel, Tommy would have never known about it but with the unfortunate cum stains on his jeans and the embarrassing request to return home to change on the tip of his tongue, he was left with no other choice.Â
âQuiet down! Yes, okay? We have done all of that - not that itâs any of your business - but no, I have not asked her to be my girlfriend yet. That would be nuts, I canât just spring that on her out of nowhere,â Joel hissed through his teeth, close to strangling the younger man.Â
Tommy shook his head at him, giving him an almost patronizing look as he turned back towards the oven and took the buns out.Â
âLook, all Iâm gonna say to ya is this: Whether youâve asked her or not, thatâs what she is. You take her on dates, bring her lunch, fix her shit, and let her hang out with your fucking kids. Ainât a soul on this earth that would do all that for a woman theyâre just âhanging outâ with. Thatâs your girl man, make it official already.âÂ
Joel didnât say anything but he didnât have to, as his brother was already waving off whatever awkward response he was bound to make. His heart throbbed as he tried to imagine it, you agreeing to be his girlfriend and him being able to actually call you that in public. Could it really be that easy if he just got his head on straight and asked? And if he did, what would you say? Joel liked to think he knew what your answer would be, but given his previous heartbreaks, he didnât exactly trust his own judgement. He sighed and shook himself from the fantasy, electing not to dwell on it any longer as his brother called out that supper was ready. Instead he put it on the back burner, putting on a brave face as you and Maria shuffled into the kitchen. Â
âHey baby,â Joel sighed, reaching out so that he could place his hands on your hips, âReady to eat?âÂ
âMm hmm,â you hummed, giving him a crooked smile as you brushed past him to grab a plate.
Joel frowned as you drifted away but shook it off, following closely behind as you worked your way down the line of ingredients. He took note of the small crease between your brows and the tension in your shoulders but said nothing, feeling the frustration rolling off of you in waves as you made yourself a plate. Maria and Tommy were none the wiser, chatting happily as you put the wall he had spent the past few days breaking down back up.Â
Acid burned the back of Joelâs throat as he followed you into the dining room and he gulped it down, his chest tight as you barely acknowledged the chair he pulled out for you. He couldnât figure out what had caused this shift and more importantly, what he could do to pull you back from the abyss. The woman he had picked up from work had been joyful and chatty, but the person who sat next to him as he tried to choke down supper was a stranger.Â
By the time that the dinner was over, Joel was close to throwing up. He helped you into the truck after waving his family goodbye, sweating bullets as you silently took the plant from him and avoided meeting his eye. His feet dragged as he made his way over to the other side, chest tight as he slipped into the driverâs seat. All Joel wanted for you to speak up, even if it was to scream at him for offending you in some way. Anything was better than the sullen silence that poisoned the air.Â
There were many times on the ride home where Joel almost broke, where he almost begged you to forgive him for whatever sin he had committed, but he refrained. After living so many years in relative solitude, he wasnât sure where the boundaries were this early on in a relationship and when he should take it upon himself to push against them. The last thing Joel wanted to do was to make you even angrier, or worse, to make you cry. However, just as he made the last turn onto the street the two of you shared, you finally broke the silence.Â
âJoel, can I ask you something?,â you piped up, still not looking at him as you did.Â
âCourse baby, you can ask me anything ya want,â Joel rushed out, with his heart pounding with excitement and fear.Â
âPromise you wonât be mad?,â you checked, wringing your hands together as you peeked over at him.Â
Joel cocked his head, surprised that you would ask him something like that. He had tried with all of his might to be more open, to cast away the protective layer of grouchieness for you. Had he failed? However, as he looked over and caught sight of the fearful glances sent his way, he had a sneaking suspicion that this had less to do with him and more to do with the asshole you had once been married to.Â
âLook at me honey,â Joel pleaded, grabbing one of your hands before your nails could do any more damage to your palm, âGood girl. Now listen, I promise I wonât get mad at ya baby. Whatever it is, just ask and I promise Iâll answer the best I can. Just talk to me pleaseâÂ
âMaria was showing me some old pictures and umâŠ. Well, I saw one from when you were in that band and there was this -â
If Joel didnât know any better, he would have thought that you had seen a ghost. Every bit of life drained from your eyes, your face turning to stone as you looked out the windshield. He watched as your lower lip trembled, your anxiousness soon morphing into all out terror.Â
âHoney? Whatâs wrong? What happened?,â Joel questioned, his own panic taking hold as he took note of your sickened expression.Â
âItâs him.â
Joelâs eyes followed your nod, landing on the flashy car parked in the driveway at the end of the street. His stomach dropped, something dark enveloping his heart and twisting it as he realized which him you were referring to. There was only one asshole who would drive an overpriced piece of shit Tesla in the suburbs of Austin and it was the same asshole who had ruined your morning by surprising you with a summons at work.Â
âYouâve gotta be kidding me,â he muttered, rage seeping out of his pores as he pulled into his driveway.
âJust leave it Joel, Iâll go see what he wants,â you mumbled, shoulders already sagging as you moved to open your own door.Â
Joel was up out of his seat in an instant, racing over to your side so that he could take the plant from you and help you down. With all of the in you fight gone, you actually humored his fussing, giving him a wary look as he placed the plant in the bed of the truck and took your hands in his.Â
âWhat do you want to do?,â Joel asked, waiting on your call as he brought your hands up to his lips and kissed the back of them, âAre we making a break for it? Calling the cops to report him for breaking into your fucking house? Or are we going over there to kick his ass?â
There was one option that Joel was partial to but he refrained. You looked about two seconds away from breaking down into heaving sobs and he wanted to do everything he could to stop that from happening. Instead, he treaded lightly, doting upon you and waiting on your say before he acted so that he didnât break down the last little bit of resolve you had.Â
âI canât ask you to help me with this Joel, itâs too - heâs tooâŠ,â you stopped and took a breath, closing your eyes for a moment before you tried again, âPeter is a fucking asshole and I donât know why heâs here, but itâs going to be shitty. Heâs going to be shitty, so I need you to stay out of it.âÂ
âOkay,â he agreed.Â
Another small sigh came from you, a small bit of the tension rolling off your shoulders as his promise put you at ease.Â
âBut Iâm coming with you,â Joel added after a moment, earning a sharp look from you in return.Â
âJoelâŠ,â you started, face growing tight with annoyance.Â
âNo,â he stated, ignoring your scoff as he continued, âListen, I wonât say a word if you donât want me to. Iâll stay quiet and wonât engage, but I refuse to let you go in there alone. Sânot safe for you to be around a guy like him when heâs all riled up. If anything happenedâŠâ
Joel couldnât even finish, his chest burning as the worst case scenario played out in his mind. If anything happened to you because he was too much of a pussy to stand his ground, he would never forgive himself. The rest of his life would be spent in shame, haunted by the knowledge that he could have stopped the pain that was inflicted upon you. Even if you hated him for inserting himself in the situation, he refused to let you go in that house alone.Â
âFine,â you snapped, patience cracking under the pressure as you squared your shoulders and turned towards home, âBut please let me deal with it. I donât need you giving him any more ammo to screw me over in court with.â
Ouch, Joel thought, but he let it slide, recognizing that you were way too stressed to worry about sparing his feelings. He nodded in agreement and followed you across the street, grinding his teeth together as he climbed the steps to your porch. His heart quickened as you held the door open for him, his rage making it pound as he readied himself to meet the prick that had made you so jumpy.Â
However, nothing could have prepared Joel for the man that poked his head out of the kitchen. He stopped in place, an uncomfortable feeling tensing all the muscles in his abdomen as a man who looked to be about sixty rounded the corner. For whatever reason, Joel had assumed the professor you had fallen in love with was younger, perhaps even a masterâs student who was tasked with teaching undergraduates before he went on to do his PhD. It was highly unethical either way but the thought of a fully grown man preying upon his eighteen year old students had been unthinkable.Â
But as a full blown senior citizen strolled towards you, Joel realized just how wrong he had been and more importantly, just how fucked up your union was. If the mental math he did was correct, the man that glared at him from across the room would have been in his late forties when he met you. He thought of his own daughters and nearly gagged, wincing as he tried to swallow the bile the rose to the back of his throat.Â
âWhose this asshole?,â Peter started, making you sigh in annoyance.Â
âNone of your business Peter, now why the fuck are you in my house? And how the hell did you even get it?,â you practically growled.Â
Joel was surprised to hear the venomous hatred laced into every word, having never heard it himself. However, he couldnât help but feel a bit of pride that you were already standing your ground. Afterall, he knew how hard it had been for you to get away from him to begin with.Â
âCâmon ducky, you should know better than to hide the key under the mat if you want to keep me out. Youâve only been doing that at home for the last decade,â the other man laughed, the sound of it grating to both yours and Joelâs ears.Â
âDonât call me that,â you spat, swiping the spare key from the coffee table before he could grab it, âAnd that place is not my fucking home, you made sure of that. I live here now.âÂ
âOh come on duck, canât you just -âÂ
âNO!,â you shouted, taking everyone in the room off guard as years of seething rage exploded into the room, âI said no and I fucking meant it Peter. Either you tell me why youâve broken into my goddamn house or Iâm calling the cops. I donât give a shit what you have to say, Iâm done.â
Peterâs entire stance changed, a shadow crossing over his features as the nice guy act vanished. Joel stood up a little straighter, taking a step towards you as he readied for a reaction. He knew men like him, men that didnât hit their spouses but still used their size and strength to intimidate them. In his opinion, what Peter was doing was just as bad, just as wickedly controlling as a punch. It was just more socially acceptable because there weren't any bruises left behind.Â
However, that didnât mean the behaviour was without a cost, a cost that Joel noticed each time you grew jumpy out of nowhere. And as he stared at your pathetic excuse for an ex husband trying to scare you, he felt that last little bit of mystery surrounding you float away, the final piece clicking in place at last.Â
âYou want to be like that? Fine,â Peter hissed, his voice making you visibly bristle, âI come here to see my wife, only to find out sheâs been whoring around with some construction worker. Then I let myself into our house to wait, only to have her show up and parade her little boytoy around like a fucking slut.â
âWatch it,â Joel snapped before he could stop himself, the bite in his tone causing both heads to turn in his direction.Â
Peterâs face turned red with anger, while you sighed at him in a way that made his heart shatter into a million pieces. It was as if you truly believed the garbage your ex was throwing at you, like you had already decided to make yourself small again for him. The surprise visit, along with whatever had ailed you beforehand, had absolutely drained you and it made him want to cry. You sighed and turned back around, facing your ex with the same resignation as someone facing a firing squad.Â
âThis isnât your house Peter,â you argued, almost close to tears as your ex laughed, âIt isnât! I bought this with my own savings and itâs my name on the mortgage. Everything in here was paid for by me, so please go. I donât care about your money or any of your things, you can take all of it! Just leave me alone.â
âYou really think I would give up that easily?,â Peter laughed, creeping closer to you as he added, âI donât care how many thick headed blue collar workers you open your legs for, youâre mine, this house is mine and the sooner you realize that, the easier this will be for everyone.âÂ
âIâd rather fucking die,â you shot back, his words reigniting the fury bubbling beneath the surface.Â
Joel wanted to cheer, to applaud you for standing up for yourself, but instead he found his own rage taking hold as Peter reached out and yanked on your arm. The sight of weathered hands pressing into your soft skin, undoubtedly bruising it beneath their vile touch, made every bit of sense fly out of his brain. The fire burned brighter as Joel watched you struggle against the harsh grip, yelping as his fingers dug into you. Without even thinking about the consequences, he marched forward and shoved the other man back with all of his might.Â
Peter stumbled back a few feet, nearly toppling over the coffee table as Joel shoved you behind his back. He planted his right foot behind him, lining himself up in case the senior citizen trying to catch his balance tried to retaliate. Secretly Joel hoped that he would try, longed for the feeling of his fists connecting with your exâs face until his blood was splattered across your hardwood floors, but he kept it in. He had made a promise to be good for the time being and he was resolved not to break it.Â
âDo. Not. Touch. Her,â Joel commanded, his voice cold and unforgiving as one of your hands gripped the back of his shirt for comfort.Â
âOr what, youâre gonna hit me? Go for it, Iâll take you for everything youâve got asshole, just like Iâm gonna do to her. And you,â Peter laughed, the dry hacking cackle echoing throughout the home as he focused on you, âYou donât want to come with me you little bitch? Fine, I can make myself comfortable, you always were so good at making a house a home after all.âÂ
âWhat? You canât do that!,â you exclaimed, ignoring Joelâs attempts to keep you behind his frame as you stepped forward again.Â
âIâve talked to my lawyer and he agreed that it just wouldnât be right for me to give up such aâŠ,â Peterâs lip curled, giving you a mocking look, â...quaint home. So, Iâm going to stay here while I take you to court, but say the word duck and we can go home. I promise that all will be forgiven.â
âY-You canât do that, I didnât use any of your money. This is my house Peter, mine! I bought it to fucking escape you, you canât just -âÂ
âOh, but I can and I will.âÂ
Joel was at a loss for words, seething with rage yet too inexperienced with marital law to be able to argue with him. His stomach panged at the thought of a squatter taking hold of the home you had put your blood, sweat, and tears into. He remembered watching from afar as you planted the flowers in the front yard, smiling to yourself as the nameless tune you hummed was carried over to him in the wind. The hands that worked in the dry soil, breathing life into the flower beds once more, were the same ones that now trembled as your home was ripped away. It shattered him.Â
âPlease,â you whispered, the desperation in your voice evident as you finally broke down, âPlease Peter, donât do this to me. I donât want anything, you donât even have to sign, just let me have this. I-I canât start over again, this was my only shot.â
âPerhaps you should have thought of that before you embarrassed me in front of all of my colleagues and friends. Do you know how mortifying it is to have your wife run off? To not know where the fuck she is when people ask?,â he spat.Â
âI bet itâs almost as mortifying as walking in on your husband fucking someone else,â Joel muttered, unable to listen to your exâs tirade any longer.Â
Peterâs mouth popped open and he turned towards you, almost like he was shocked that you had told him about the affair. Joel tried not to laugh in his face as he realized just how deluded and self involved your ex was. It was as if Peter truly believed you would still hold some allegiance to him despite his crimes, that you would keep his affair under wraps in fear that it might further damage his reputation outside of Miami. It was ridiculous, so much so that Joel was about to tell him that, before he was cut off by you.Â
It started as a titter, which grew into a chuckle, before soon you were keeled over and howling with laughter that was aimed at the man you once called a spouse. Peter took a step back, the fear evident on his face as you cackled with delight. Joel wasnât sure what was happening either or whether he should step in to comfort you, all he knew for sure was that he was enjoying watching your manic laughter scare the shit out of your ex.Â
âFine!,â you finally bellowed, wiping the tears from your eyes as you spun around and marched towards the stairs, âFucking fine, just let me pack a bag and Iâll be out of your hair.â
âWhat?,â Peter gasped, crestfallen as you trudged up the first few steps.Â
âWhat? You think Iâm staying here with you? No thanks. Like I said, Iâd rather fucking die you unbearable prick,â you called out, ignoring the half assed attempts your ex made to argue.Â
Joel watched you go, pride swelling in his chest as you left both men behind to gather your things. He turned back towards Peter for a second, finding nothing but a sniveling dickhead who glared at him with the same contempt of a child throwing a tantrum.Â
âSheâs never going to end up with someone like you, you know that right?,â Peter seethed.
âMaybe not, but she sure as shit wonât be ending up with youâ Joel said slowly, stepping into his space so that he could add, âAnd if you touch that woman again, if you even think of taking a step too close to her, I will make you bite the fucking curb, you pathetic piece of shit.âÂ
Joel turned then, letting the words hang in the air as he followed you upstairs. He didnât care that he had just threatened your ex, or that the cops could easily be called on him for such a particularly violent promise. If Peter tested his patience again, he wouldnât be able to hold back. So Joel left him before he snapped, climbing the stairs so that he could ask you about what else you might want to bring.Â
The sight of you collapsed on the floor when Joel walked into your room, your face shoved into the foot of your unmade bed as your body was wracked with sobs, made his chest ache. He would do anything for you but no matter how badly he wanted to, he couldnât fix this. The best he could do was be present and so he drifted over, sighing as he kneeled down and joined you on the floor.Â
âOh honey, mâso sorry,â Joel cooed. Â
âWhat am I gonna do Joel? Where the f-fuck am I gonna go? I-I donât have any money or family, I have nothing!,â you sobbed, pressing your face into the comforter to muffle your cries.Â
âWhat do you mean? You donât need money sweetheart, youâre gonna come stay with me,â Joel answered, reaching out so that he could pry your face off the bed and pull you into a hug, âI just came up here to ask what you want to bring over.â
âBut I-I canât just - ugh - Joel, you have kids! I canât mess with their routine and weâre too new for me t-â
âBaby, the girls are almost adults and they love you anyways. Plus, mânot asking you to move in forever. Well,â he said, getting cheeky as he added, âNot yet at least. This is just a sleepover. There ainât nothing wrong with me having my girlfriend sleepover for a couple days, right?â
You pulled back from the hug, cocking an eyebrow at him as you asked, âGirlfriend?âÂ
It was now or never.Â
Joel nodded, âYeah, if thatâs alright with you.âÂ
The small smile you gave him in return made him grin back, the both of you forgetting about the ridiculousness of the situation for a moment.
âYou do realize that asking me to be your girlfriend right now is pretty fucked up, right?,â you chuckled, earning a wry grin from him.Â
âSure, but you still said yes soâŠ,â Joel joked as you playfully shoved his chest, using the brief break in the tension so that he could draw you back into a warm embrace.Â
The noise you made as he squeezed you tight was so soft, so vulnerable, that it made him want to keep you locked in a little box for the rest of his life. Moments passed where the two of you just clung to each other in the silence of your bedroom, ignoring the monster that lurked in the shadows of your home as you both drew strength from the contact. Joel waited for you to make the first move, holding you until you broke away and looked up at him with teary eyes.Â
âIâm still mad at you,â you admitted.Â
He nodded, âI know honey, I know. But we can talk about it later, yeah?â
âOkay,â you said quietly, perking up a bit as you asked, âCan I bring my plants? He wonât water them, I just know it.âÂ
âOf course sweetheart, Iâll start bringing them over now,â Joel conceded, standing from the hardwood with a groan.Â
He held a hand out to you and you took it, allowing him to pull you back on your feet. With careful hands, Joel wiped the tears from your eyes and brushed the hair out of your face. The kiss he laid against your cheek made you smile, the sight like a bit of sunshine peeking out after a heavy rain. Greedy for more, Joel placed another on the other side, smiling as your cheeks stretched over a beaming grin.Â
âGo save my plants Joel, Iâm just gonna pack a few bags and then I should be good to go,â you sighed, turning from him again so that you could shuffle through your drawers.Â
âEverything is gonna be okay baby. I know it doesnât feel like it, but weâre gonna sort this out, I promise,â Joel promised, trying to look reassuring as your eyes met his.Â
You nodded and then returned to your task, effectively dismissing him so that you could pack up the few possessions you had. The brave face you put on was commendable but Joel saw through it, noticing the way your head hung low and the weight of the world pressed into your shoulder blades. He let you get away with it for now, knowing just how heartbroken you must be to leave the first place you had to call your own.Â
Joel wasnât sure how you were keeping it together so well, but he was determined to be the type of man you could weather the storm with. Whether it be threatening your ex, or simply transferring your plethora of plants into his home, he would do anything to make sure you were secure. Which was why after he finished moving the greenery over to the house across the street, he doubled back to help you with the rest of your things, resolved in his intentions to be your source of strength if need be.Â
- You -Â
The move hadnât been what got to you, or the confused looks on the girlâs faces as you dragged your entire life into their home and crowded their windows with plants. What had gotten you was the cup of tea that Joel had pressed into your hand as you sat completely dejected on his bed, his kind smile shattering you into a million pieces as the stress of the day finally won. He swore as you sagged forward, your mouth falling open with a silent sob before your breath caught and the real cries came. In an instant he was up, rushing off to close the door before the sound traveled down the hall to the girlâs rooms. You tried to stop it, to rein in the agony of having the life you had built for yourself ripped away so cruelly, but it was impossible.Â
The situation was made even worse by what you had learned at Tommyâs house earlier that night. And due to the fact that Peter was currently untouchable, living it up in your home while you were stranded across the street, all your anger turned towards Joel. He was your boyfriend now apparently and yet, he had neglected to tell you about the woman who had been such a pivotal figure in his life. Sure, Joel had mentioned losing a best friend, but he hadnât mentioned that she was a girl or that they had dated. No, you had to hear that from Maria after coming across a picture of his band and seeing the beautiful best friend in question sitting in his lap for the picture.Â
It was stupid, but you couldnât help the jealousy that flared up from somewhere deep inside, the green monster making you want to scream and claim Joel like some kind of animal. Maybe if he had actually said something about Tess, it wouldnât have been so bad, but the secrecy made your stomach roil. Was it because he still held a candle for her? Were you doomed to compete with his dead ex girlfriend forever, only to lose every single time?Â
You had tried to bring it up but unfortunately, Peterâs unthinkable re-emergence into your life had ruined any attempt to pry information out of him. Which left you as you were, gasping for air in between heaving sobs as the day flashed through your mind. Joel hovered over you with a concerned look on his face, not realizing that his presence was only angering you more. Betrayal seeped into your blood and you rubbed your hands raw, wishing you could stop the ridiculous feeling from taking hold.Â
âShhhhh, sâalright baby. Mâhere, Iâm gonna take care of ya,â Joel soothed as he carefully took the mug from your hand and placed it on the bedside table so that he could lift you from the bed.Â
With all the strength zapped out of your limbs, you had no choice but to let Joel carry you away, crying into his shirt like a child as he brought you into the master bathroom. You couldnât remember him ever leaving your side but he must have, as the bathtub was filled with steaming water and sweet smelling suds. He placed you on the counter and got to work undoing your dress, his touch heartbreakingly gentle as he undressed you. By the time he was lifting you up to place you in the warm water, the sobs were gone, replaced by weak whimpers and pitiful sniffles.Â
The water welcomed you with open arms, the warmth forcing your tensed muscles to release beneath its embrace. You sighed and leaned back against the porcelain, trying to relax despite the anxious presence in the room. However, when Joel reached into the tub to help you bathe, you flinched, leaving you with no other choice but to address the issue head on.Â
âAre you still in love with her?,â you asked plainly, forcing yourself to look at him as you did, âBecause if you are, you have to tell me right now or else Iâll never forgive you for it.âÂ
Joel guffawed, âWhat the -? What are you talking about? In love with who?â
âYou know who Joel, donât play stupid with me,â you snapped, bitterness laced in your tone as you added, âWhat I canât understand is why you wouldnât just tell me about her if you arenât in love with her anymore. Why let me find out through Maria of all people?âÂ
A beat of silence passed where Joel looked at you like you were speaking a foreign language, but you saw it when it clicked into place for him. Surprise took over his features for a moment, before anger, fear, grief, and above all else, pain came to take its place. That pain was what you were afraid of, that he was utterly enraptured with a ghost, a ghost that he would spend his lifetime chasing in other women. Did you remind Joel of Tess? Was that why he had chosen to pursue you? The thought of it made you sick.Â
âShe told you about Tess,â Joel guessed, sighing when you nodded wordlessly in response, âHoney, mâso sorry. I didnât want you to have to find out this way.â
âClearly.âÂ
The statement hung in the air like a knife, threatening to come crashing down on both of your heads as the silence grew thick with tension. You hugged your knees close to your chest, feeling incredibly vulnerable as he continued to stay silent.Â
âLook Joel, I canât be her. I wish I could be the one you want but Iâm not going to be some fucking placeholder for you because you canât have her. Please, I canât take any more. Iâll figure something out and leave in the morning, just stop,â you sighed.Â
A fresh batch of tears rose to the surface, rolling down your cheeks as you let go of the one person you had seen a future in. The pain was unbearable, but typical. You had lost everything you had worked for in the blink of an eye that day, why not add Joel to the list as well? You bit your lip as Joel got up from his spot on the floor, a fresh sob threatening to tumble out at the realization that this was it, that he was leaving you.Â
However, just as you were sure Joel was going to storm out of the bathroom, abandoning you so that you could cry in peace, he did the opposite. A squawk came from you as he suddenly stepped into the bathtub, still fully clothed and uncaring as he kneeled down in front of you. Water splashed out onto the floor, soaking every inch of the space as he plucked your face out of your hands and made you look at him.Â
âI am not in love with Tess. I never was and if you think I would do all this for you with a woman whose been dead for nearly fifteen years still on my mind, youâre fucking crazy,â Joel said as one of his hands rubbed circles into the hinge of your jaw until it unclenched.Â
âB-But Maria said that you t-two were - and then M-Marlene showed up - and then she died -,â you babbled, words rushing out as you foolishly tried to keep hold of your anger.Â
âThat ainât wrong but we werenât in love, not yet anyway,â he sighed, shaking his head as he recalled the relationship, âMaybe we could have been, I donât know, but Marlene showed up before anything like that could happen. I chose to be a father and Tess couldnât⊠Well, she had other things going on.âÂ
âI donât understand, why would you keep that from me?,â you asked as you wiped some of the tears away.Â
He looked away for a moment, jaw working as he fell back onto his but and more water rushed out onto the floor. Joel didnât seem to notice the mess he was making or that his clothes were drenched, focused entirely on some fixed spot on the wall. There was a part of you that was still annoyed with him but you let it go, too tired to allow yourself to hate him for another second. Instead, you sighed and crawled over to straddle him, forcing him to look at you.Â
âThings ended bad, real bad. Tess needed me and I just couldnât be there for her. Then the next thing I knew, she was dead. If I couldâve, if I hadâve just -,â Joel shook his head, the pain clear on his face as he continued, âI ainât in love with her darling, Iâm fucking guilt ridden.âÂ
âOh Joel,â you sighed, letting his head fall into your chest as he broke.Â
The hot tears that slipped from Joelâs eyes dripped down the valley of your breasts, dripping into the steaming waters as he cried. He wrapped his arms around you, squeezing you tightly as his body was wracked with silent tremors. You hushed him, rubbing his scalp, his back, any part of him that you could reach in an attempt to comfort him, but he resisted.Â
âQuit it, mâfine honey. And Iâm supposed to be comforting you,â Joel groaned against you, his voice thick with emotion despite his attempts to get away.Â
âIf youâre gonna be my boyfriend, you have to be able to let me in Joel or else I donât want it,â you said, tugging his head back so that you could look him in the eye as you added, âI want to be equals, which means we can both cry and be upset but we do it together, not apart.â
âAre you sure?,â he breathed, uncertainty weighing down his brow as he contemplated your words.Â
You nodded, âWeâre in this together or not at all.âÂ
âOkay baby, weâre a team,â Joel sighed, his eyes shining as he gazed up at you, âWhat do you want to know? Iâm ready, Iâll tell ya anything just please, please donât leave honey.âÂ
âShh, none of that Joel. Youâve told me what I need to know for now, just donât leave me in the dark like that again. If you couldnât tell already, I really hate surprises,â you joked.Â
He snorted, âGee, I wonder why.âÂ
The two of you laughed, the pain subsiding as you let it melt away into the steaming waters below. When you were ready, Joel scrubbed the day off of you, rubbing all the strain from your muscles until you were nearly unconscious. Nevertheless, you still managed to convince him to lose the soaked clothes so that you could return the favour. With your sluggish limbs, it took you a bit longer than him to complete the task but he didnât seem to mind, allowing you to maneuver him until you were satisfied.Â
Joel helped you out of the tub once the water had gone cold, shaking his head when you tried to reach for the towel rack to clean up. After drying the both of you off, he pulled a ridiculous amount of towels out from under the sink and dropped them on the mess, waving your concern off as he ushered you into the bedroom. Unlike last time, Joel didnât bring you any pajamas to sleep in, perhaps understanding that you needed to feel his skin against yours to keep from weeping again. Instead you let him hold you, curling into his side and listening to his steady heartbeat as sleep threatened to take hold.Â
âJoel?â
âYeah?â
âIâm glad I know you,â you whispered, meaning every single word.Â
The sentiment was the best you could do for now, but you hoped that he would understand what you truly meant.Â
âIâm glad to know you too honey, itâs probably the third best thing thatâs ever happened to me,â Joel murmured after a moment.Â
You smiled, knowing exactly who the other two people on that very short list were. To be placed on the same list as Sarah and Ellie was the highest of praises in Joel Millerâs handbook and the enormity of such a statement from him was not lost on you in the slightest. Unsure of what to say, you turned your face and kissed his chest, feeling ten times lighter as he held you tighter in response.Â
âGoodnight Joel.â
âNight baby, get some sleep.â
There was still so much to discuss and yet, that night you slept like a baby, shielded from the horrors of the outside world by Joelâs presence. All of the worries of the day slipped away as you dreamt, with nothing but thoughts of him racing through your mind until a strong set of hands eventually shook you awake again.Â
After Joel's barbecue, you wake up disoriented and alone, haunted by a night full of painful memories. However, after your handsome neighbour surprises you with breakfast, your day seems off to be off to a great start. Meanwhile Joel is trying his best so that he can be the man he knows you deserve. Nevertheless, with both of you running from the past, will you be able to stand together in the present?
Warnings: NoOutbreak!Joel Miller/Reader, Sarah and Ellie as Siblings, Neighbour!Joel, Angst, Fluff, Romance, Pining, Soft!Joel, Lowkey Traumatized!Joel & Reader, Mentions of Past Abuse/Shitty Relationships, Comfort, Non Penetrative Smutty Things, Fem!Reader/Joel.
A/N:
Hey y'all, welcome back. Sorry this took so long, I have depression lol and I've been working on my thesis. Word of the wise; don't live in places where its -40c in the winter if you get sad sometimes.
Aaanwaaays, this chapter starts off the morning after the barbecue and we get to see more alone time between the two. Warning that they go into their pasts a bit and there is definitly some talks of emotional abuse, abandonment, allusions to substance abuse (past), so be wary of that. Additionally, I added a touch of smut near the end. This week is really about laying the ground work for future chapters so get ready. I hope you enjoy this chapter and as always, thanks for reading <3
Chapter 3/10
Chapter 3: Begin Again
An endless stream of dreams had taken hold of you after Joelâs barbecue. Memories of the past blurred together with the present, fears and hopes mingling until you werenât sure what was real and what was your own traitorous mind. No matter how violently you thrashed against the sheets, trying desperately to force yourself awake, you remained locked inside of yourself. It was torment but just as you started to wonder if you would be forever lost in a sea of unsettling, agonizing recollections, the sound of someone pounding at the front door had torn you from sleep.Â
With a drawn out groan, you lifted your head, eyes burning as you tried to figure out who the hell would be beating the door down on a Sunday morning. With your head pounding along with the heavy raps on the wood, you buried your face in the pillow and sighed. If you ignored them for long enough, maybe the mystery guest would go away. However, just as you thought that you might be in the clear, another flurry of fists slamming against the door put any hopes of going back to sleep to rest.Â
âFuckâs sake,â you grumbled, ready to tear the face off of whoever was making you stumble out of bed before ten a.m. on one of your only days off.Â
After the surprise phone call from your shitty ex the previous night, it wasnât surprising that your disastrous marriage had been the thing to haunt you for hours on end. Every dream had served as yet another reminder of the emotional torture that had been inflicted upon you, along with how stupid you had been to stay with him for so long. Peterâs words had been like knives, slicing into your most vulnerable parts until you agreed to bend to his will, except this time was different. His cruelty would have been just as excruciating and embarrassing as it had been the first time, had it not been for the calming presence that had followed you through each recollection.Â
The first memory had been from near the beginning of your marriage, when Peter had publicly berated you in the corner of some needlessly extravagant social event. It was one of the first times he had let the mask drop, spewing venom through his lips because you chose to wear a dress that he didnât like. Nevertheless, just as you were about to dissolve into a puddle of tears, a flash of a familiar green flannel had caught your eye. When you saw him, a wave of peace had washed over you, injecting oxytocin straight into your brain until your mind was thick with it. He didnât even need to be beside you, just knowing that he was somewhere in the stuffy room had been enough to block your ex husband out.Â
Those expressive brown eyes, so warm yet so vigilant in the face of danger, had studied you from across the room, reminding you that you were safe. The shackles of the past loosened as you stared back at him, allowing you to take a step away from the belligerent man who continued to scald you with his words. It was like Peter no longer existed, all that mattered was reaching the handsome man that sat at the bar waiting for you. But just as you were about to reach him, the room started to shift and you were sucked into another memory.Â
The next one was even worse. No matter how hard you tried to stop yourself from remembering, you were suddenly back in your old apartment on that wretched day of reckoning. With every step forward you tried to dig your heels into the floor, screaming internally as you were dragged towards the ultimate embarrassment. You remembered being excited that day, stupidly optimistic when you noticed that your husband was home before 11 p.m. for once. Nonetheless, any hopefulness had been dashed when you were confronted with the sight of him, naked and writhing on top of another woman in the bed you shared.Â
Horrified, you stumbled backwards just like you had that day, tears running down your face as your shoulder blades knocked into the picture frame behind you. The picture had shattered against the floor, the glass scattering across the wood as you began to hyperventilate. The only difference was that this time, a big bear paw of a hand had wrapped itself around your own, silently reminding you that he was there, that you werenât alone anymore.Â
Although he never spoke in any of the memories that followed, Joel had remained a steady presence throughout all of them. Whether it be the brush of a hand, or just his knowing gaze, he had chased you through even the most torturous moments of your life. And you had chased him back, desperately looking for him no matter which disaster was unfolding. It was the most infuriating game of cat and mouse that you had ever played. All you wanted was to finally catch up to him, to wrap your arms around him and hear that southern drawl comforting you but alas, some asshole had to end the chase by slamming their fists into your door at the asscrack of dawn.Â
As you reached the stairs, you looked down at your rumpled attire, letting out a small chuckle as you realized that you had forgotten to change. The clothes Joel had let you borrow still hugged your frame and with his heady scent clinging to the fabric, it was no wonder he had leaked into your dreams. Wearing his clothes was like a warm hug, a strong number two for the man himself, ensuring that you would stay asleep even if the nightmares came knocking.Â
Even in your dreams Joel had been standing watch, acting as a silent guard dog to all the things you hoped to never remember. There was a comfort in that, in knowing that your brain would create a Joel Miller in lieu of his absence. Nevertheless, despite how comforted you were by thoughts of your handsome neighbour, someone was still banging down your door. And maybe if your home wasnât already a million degrees, or if you had gotten a decent sleep, you could have let it slide but instead, another round of frustratingly loud bangs forced you to pick up the pace.Â
âIâm coming! Jesus fucking Christ, would you chill out?!,â you shouted, growing more impatient by the second.Â
With smoke pouring from your ears, you nearly tore the door off its hinges when you finally reached it. You took one step out onto the porch, ready to tear whoever dragged you out of bed a new one, only to be met with a wall of muscle that nearly knocked you off balance. As you looked up at the early morning visitor, all of the pent up rage dissolved, a high pitched squeak leaving you as the man who had chased you all throughout the night suddenly towered over you.Â
Joel Miller was leaned up against your doorframe, one arm pressed against the wood by your head while the other was weighed down with a hefty looking tote. His hulking frame loomed over you, making you so flustered that you almost fell flat on your ass. A tool belt was wrapped around his waist, tugging on his pants and teasing you with just a hint of his boxers. The slightly beat up pair of carpenter pants he wore hugged his strong thighs perfectly, fitting him so well that you had to look away before you reached out and tried to yank them off.Â
Your eyes dragged up the length of Joelâs body, noticing just how good the simple t-shirt looked clinging to his muscles. There was a slight softness to his belly that pressed against the fabric and you longed to bend down to nibble at it. You sighed, he looked absolutely delicious. There was only one thing that was bothering you. All of his curls had been tucked away, cruelly hidden underneath a beat up baseball cap that advertised his business. Would Joel be angry if you petulantly knocked it off of his head? You werenât sure, but the rewards seemed to greatly outweigh the risk. Nevertheless, you restrained yourself, trying to satiate your ridiculous wants by staring into his warm and welcoming eyes.Â
âHi,â you said softly, shifting nervously as he smiled down at you.Â
âMorning darling,â Joel answered, the term of endearment rolling off of his tongue like he had been saying it for years, âOr should I say, good afternoon.â
âWhat?,â you squeaked, whirling around to look at the time.Â
There was a wooden clock that hung in your living room. It was one of the only relics of the elderly woman that had previously lived there and you refused to give up. It had been hand carved by someone, the glossy wood detailed with flowers and leaves, but the best part was the little red robin that came out to chirp every time it struck twelve. Most times, you were already well into your day when the bird made an appearance, fresh faced and ready to take on the world. However that day, with only ten minutes until noon, that would not be the case. You sighed, realizing that your usual Sunday routine was ruined.Â
Usually, you started off with a nice breakfast before driving to the farmerâs market to get some fresh veggies and fruits. But with the sun already high in the sky and only an hour left until the stalls closed, all of the best picks would be sold. You sighed, cursing your past self for being too frazzled by the men in your life to set an alarm. With how late it was, you would have to brave the overwhelmingly loud and frequently disappointing aisles at the local grocery store.Â
âShit, I didnât even realize,â you swore, running your hands through the birdâs nest on top of your head in frustration.Â
âReally? Ya donât say,â Joel shot back, the sarcasm dripping from his tone as he stepped forward and asked, âYou gonna let me in? Or am I just gonna stand out here all day?âÂ
âFuck, Iâm sorry. Come on in Joel,â you apologized, quickly ushering him in like there was something biting at his heels, âDammit, I swear that Iâm not usually in bed so late. I donât know what happened, Iâm usually up before ten. You werenât waiting long, were you?â
âNot long, no,â he said calmly.Â
Joelâs eyes swept over you as he stepped further into your home, zeroing in on every inch of your rumpled state until you began to tremble. The trembling was not fear but from something else, something that felt like a lightning bolt had slammed into your chest and burrowed itself deep inside of your ribcage. Which he noticed, of course he noticed, a proud grin spreading across his face as desire curved around your spine. He didnât linger long, only granting himself one last once over that made your knees shake before he finally looked away.Â
âDonât be apologizinâ for sleeping in when it was me that kept ya up last night. I know that I probably should have waited a bit, but I wanted to see ya. Plus, with how fucking hot it is, I figured youâd be baking in here if I didnât come soon,â he joked as he strolled away.Â
Joel slipped into your living room, entering your space like it was his own. Meanwhile, you were channeling all of your energy into staying calm. He wanted to see you, after spending the whole of yesterday afternoon and well into the night in your presence, he wanted even more time with you. It felt too good to be true.Â
Trying to focus on breathing, you quietly followed Joel and perched on the arm on the couch, eyeing him as he circled the AC like it was his prey. He was undaunted by the task as he crouched down to get a better look at the hunk of metal, even making a joke about the slight damage you had done to it when you had angrily ripped it out of the window. You kept waiting for him to snap at you, or exact a price for his services, but neither of those things came to pass. Instead he got down to work, ignoring your anxious hovering as he cracked the air conditioner open and examined the inside of it.Â
Never in your life had you been in such a nerve racking position. Most of your relationships with partners, friends, or even family, had been largely transactional. People always wanted pieces of you, whether it be body, mind, or the victory of gaining your subservience. Nobody ever wanted you as a whole, nor did they ever care enough to give you anything in return other than heartache. After years of being torn to pieces your understanding of love had been twisted, your sense of self had been warped, and the ability to have someone else take care of you had all but vanished.Â
Nevertheless, with Joel in your life, it was becoming increasingly clear that you were going to have to learn how to get over it. Logically, you knew that there was nothing wrong with accepting help, especially when it was him that demanded that he be the one to fix it, but the demons in your head would not let it go. How could you let this man, a man who was likely already bogged down with the stress of being a single father and owning his own business, fix your things without giving him something in return? With only a few hundred dollars in your bank account, which you knew that he would never accept, there was only one thing that you could possibly offer him.Â
âHave you had breakfast yet? Or um, I could make you lunch?,â you piped up, already hurrying over to the kitchen so that you could comb through the fridge, âI donât have much right now, but Iâm sure thereâs something in here I could make for you!â
Of all the times for Joel to come over, he just had to choose grocery day. Much to your dismay, the inside of your fridge was absolutely baren. There was nothing but a half tub of butter, a questionable looking bag of baby carrots, a few stray beers, and all of the condiments that a girl could ask for. Even the pantry was stark, though that was mostly due to the two teens that regularly raided it for snacks. They had emptied it during the midweek gossip session, chowing down on all of your chips and sweets as they updated you on all of the highschool drama that you had become hopelessly invested in.Â
When faced with an overwhelmingly bleak selection, you usually would have said fuck it and pulled out the take out menu, ordering a feast that you could inhale while you cozied up on the couch. But with Joel in your space, selflessly helping you out of the kindness of his own heart, that felt wrong. He had told you that he was coming over the previous night and yet, you had stupidly forgotten. For some reason not being prepared for his visit felt like some sort of crime, like you had needlessly disappointed him and soon your heart began to pound as you waited for a punishment that would never come.Â
âFuck, okay so I canât do breakfast unless you want umâŠ,â you paused, looking over your scant options, âSome possibly rotten carrots washed down with a beer or uh⊠I have a can of soup but shit, I donât know if thatâs a good idea with how hot it is. Hold on, let me think.â
Joel laughed, a full belly laugh that lit up his face as he pivoted towards you from where he was crouched. His eyes swept over your figure and he shook his head, still chuckling to himself as he set his screwdriver down and stood up from the floor.Â
âDarling, I donât need -âÂ
âOr coffee? There might be some instant coffee somewhere. Iâm going to be honest with you, I donât have a machine because I always fuck it up but instant isnât that bad. I mean hey, itâs still caffeine right?,â you rushed out.Â
The heat of the day was working against you, mixing with your worsening nerves to leave a heavy layer of sweat over your skin. It didnât help that Joelâs eyes were on you, the amused look on his face making you even more anxious as he grabbed the tote bag near his feet and drifted over to the kitchen. Fearing a scolding, you hurried over to the cabinets and got up on your tiptoes, reaching for one of the mugs until a hand caught your wrist mid air.Â
âOh,â you gasped, his touch sending sparks up your arm that radiated throughout your entire body.Â
Joel lowered your hand back down to your side without saying a word, keeping his eyes locked on yours as he reached over your head to close the cupboard. He didnât say anything but he didnât need to. Just like in your dreams, his eyes and his presence said it all. Iâm here, he said wordlessly, just breathe. And so you did, slowly matching your breaths with his until you came back to yourself. He nodded once you finally calmed, the tension in his own shoulders releasing like your panic had been hurting him just as badly.Â
âGood girl,â Joel said under his breath, so quietly that you almost missed it.Â
Good girl, good girl, good girl, ran through your mind over and over again. His words pinged off all of the pleasure points in your brain, scorching every inch of your being. Your imagination ran wild, thoughts of Joel hissing those two words through his teeth as he pounded you into the mattress making you squirm before him. Was he thinking about it too? Was that why he looked like he was in pain, a small crease formed between his brows like it was physically hurting him not to reach out and touch? Did he mean to make you shake and shiver before him? You didnât know, all you knew for sure was that those two simple words were enough to fill you with hope, as well as a burning desire.Â
âLetâs try that again darling,â Joel said, giving you a kind smile as he thrusted his bag out towards you.Â
Blinking between him and the tote that advertised the local highschool, you cocked an eyebrow, not moving to grab it until he gave you an explanation. A wary look was all you offered him, unsure of what sort of trick was going to be played on you if you took it.Â
âItâs just a coffee and some leftovers from breakfast. Nothing special, but I figured you might be hungry. You donât have to take it though if you donât want t-â
Before Joel had even finished that statement, you snatched the bag away from him and began to dig through it, smiling wide as you unearthed a treasure trove that released a swarm of butterflies inside of your gut. There was a container loaded up with blueberry pancakes and syrup, the glass still warm from the stove, along with another container filled with golden hash browns. But it was the thermos filled with your go-to caffeine and sugar fix that excited you the most.Â
âYou got my coffee order?! Joel! Thatâs - oh my god - thatâs halfway across town! Why the hell would you do that?!,â you admonished, tearing the cover off so you could slurp down half of it in one go despite your protests.Â
He shook his head, âSânot a big deal, I was already in the area.â
Even to you, that sounded like a load of bullshit, but the fact that he refused to meet your eye confirmed it.Â
âOh really? Doing what?,â you cackled as you popped one of the containers open so that you could dig in.Â
Joel hesitated for a second, squinting hard as he tried to come up with an excuse to discredit himself. The more time you spent with him, the more you realized that he had a habit of doing that. The barbecue had been the first time you noticed it. Anytime someone praised him for the delicious food, or for his hospitality, he waved them off and changed the subject as quickly as he could. It was as if he truly believed that his thoughtfulness was nothing, that it was basic human nature rather than a gift that most men were in grave need of.Â
âUh, I was⊠Getting some tools at the hardware store?,â he tried.Â
âYouâre telling me that Joel Miller, the owner of Miller Contracting, did not already own a screwdriver? Seriously?,â you teased, voice muffled around a mouthful of delicious food.Â
He blushed, the redness on the high points of his cheekbones spreading down to his neck and up to the tips of his ears.Â
âWell, I -,â he faltered, groaning as he realized how terrible the lie was, âFuckâs sake, would you just shut up and enjoy the damn breakfast?âÂ
As Joel turned on his heel, retreating back towards the AC to escape your taunting, you couldnât help but laugh at him. He was sweet. Too sweet for his own good, you thought as you watched him return to the task at hand. If he was this way with all of his neighbours, you couldnât imagine how the man got anything done but based on the way he glanced over every so often as you devoured the food, you had a feeling this was not a regular occurrence.Â
Joel worked methodically, taking the entire machine apart so that he could pinpoint the issue and fix it before he put it back together again. You studied him with rapt attention, eyes following the way his strong muscles flexed as he untightened and tightened the bolts. Although it had taken you nearly two hours of tinkering to deem the machine unfixable, it took only ten minutes for him to find and address the issue. When Joel was done, you watched as a bead of sweat traveled down from his hairline, dampening the collar of his shirt as he easily lifted the AC from the ground and carried it back to the window like it was nothing. It had taken you three tries to tear that thing out and bring it to the ground without dropping it, but he was completely unaffected by the weight, a fact that you tried hard not to dwell on in his presence. That was a thought for later, for when you were alone and desperate in the dead of night.Â
âOkay, letâs see if she works,â Joel sighed as he flipped the switch.Â
A heavy groan came from the ancient hunk of metal as it sputtered to life, like it was angry with Joel for forcing it back into the world of the living, but cool air soon began to flow freely into your home. You cheered, hurrying over so that you could bask in the icy breeze as it poured into the space. All of the sweat that dampened your face began to dry as the air washed over you and you couldnât help the slightly embarrassing noise that slipped past your lips.Â
âGod, thatâs feels so fucking good. Thank you, I donât know how I would have survived these next few days without you,â you laughed and shook your head, âTo be honest, I was debating on sleeping at the library until the repairman could come in. You really saved my ass Joel.â
âThe library?,â Joel squawked, as if it was the craziest thing in the entire universe.Â
You shrugged. It wasnât that insane, especially when you didnât have the funds to pay for something more comfortable at one of the local hotels. Hell, you barely had the money for the repair guy but after only a few hours without air conditioning, it had become clear that raw dogging the heat of a Texan summer was simply out of the question.Â
âI mean, yeah? Itâs not like I would be sleeping on the floor, my office has a couch. Beggars canât be choosers and plus, the basement itâs in is fucking freezing. That sounds way better than sleeping in Satanâs asscrack all week,â you joked.Â
Joel pursed his lips, staring down at you with an intensity that threw you off guard. You cocked your head at him, watching as he weighed his words carefully, looking incredibly disgruntled as he tried to find a way to argue with your logic.Â
âIf this happens again, youâre gonna come to me. Hell, if anything breaks, youâre gonna come to me. Not some shitty repair guy, not Joe-blow on the street, you come to me,â Joel said, his tone leaving no room for discussion.Â
Guilt hit you square in the chest, the thought of using him for his skill set almost too much to bear.Â
âBut Joel, I -âÂ
He held up his hand, âYou come to me, especially if itâs gonna mess with your sleep. And if I canât fix it that day, youâre gonna stay at my house. Donât even try to argue with me, I donât want to hear it. Youâll sleep in my bed and Iâll take the couch for the night. Thatâs all there is to it.âÂ
Joel cocked his eyebrow at you, wordlessly challenging you to fight him on it but you were speechless. Every time you put up a pointless boundary with him, he had absolutely no issue tearing it down. The thought of running to him every single time something broke was ridiculous, especially since nearly everything you owned had been thrifted after your escape from Miami and your home was well over twenty years old. If he truly wanted to be your go to handyman, he was going to have his work cut out for him. Your gut reaction was to refuse him, to remind him that you were perfectly capable of fixing things and did not want to be a burden to his already overwhelmed schedule, but the words died on your lips. Â
As easy as it should be to ignore Joelâs command, something in his eyes broke through that last little bit of petty resistance you had been holding onto. Although Joel Miller was gentle, soft for you in all the right ways, that didnât mean he was easy to bend. There was a part of him that was authoritative and exact, an undercurrent of dominance that quickened your pulse. That part of him likely scared others but not you. It drew you to him like a moth to a flame, turning your brain into mush whenever he utilized it.Â
âI-I um,â you stammered, your voice an octave too high before you cleared your throat, âThank you Joel, I guess I have someone to call now if shit hits the fan.âÂ
âAlways sweetheart. Now,â he affirmed, easily brushing past the thanks like a man on a mission, âAre you finished with breakfast yet?â
âYes, thank you. It was really good!,â you chirped, swiveling back towards the couch so you could gulp down the rest of your drink.Â
âGood, thatâs real good honey,â he answered, a restlessness suddenly seeping into his tone. Â
The energy shifted, an awkwardness growing between the two of you. With the air conditioner fixed, there was no reason for Joel to stay but the last thing you wanted was to see him go so soon. It felt like he had just arrived. You sighed, if only you had woken up a bit earlier. Maybe then you could have thrown on something more flattering than a pair of menâs sweatpants and a baggy sweater. It would have been nice to be able to leave him with a more enticing memory.Â
âSo, I was wondering if you wanted to maybe -â
âI donât know if youâre busy today, but I was -â
The two of you stopped, eyes widening for a moment before you both erupted into a round of raucous laughter. The tension that was sizzling in the air popped, dissolving as the ridiculousness of the situation became painfully clear. Joel wanted to stay and you didnât want him to go, meaning that there was no reason for either of you to be so worked up. He wasnât going anywhere and you should have known that from the moment you saw the seven dollar coffee he had driven across town for, or the warm breakfast that just so happened to still be fresh hours after when he would have made it. And you? Well, there was nobody else youâd rather spend your last day off with.Â
âMy bad darling, you go ahead,â Joel chuckled, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck when the laughter finally petered off.Â
âUm, I was gonna say that I have some things to do today but I was wondering if youâd want to tag along?,â you asked hopefully, fiddling with your fingers as you quickly added, âItâll probably be pretty boring but I donât know, I can be fun sometimes. No pressure though.â
âYes,â Joel answered immediately, not even taking a second to think about it.Â
âYes? Just like that?,â you balked, his eagerness making your head spin, âYou donât even know what my plans are. What if you just agreed to rob a bank with me? Or murder someone? I could be a criminal Joel.â
He rolled his eyes, âWell, then your plans wouldnât be very boring would they?âÂ
âGot me there Miller,â you giggled, unable to keep the goofy grin off of your face.Â
Joel smiled and looked down at his feet, boyishly scuffing the floors with his dusty boots but you didnât mind. He could ruin every inch of your freshly scrubbed flooring for all you cared, just so long as you got to watch as he tried and failed not to blush under your scrutiny, getting more worked up the longer you shamelessly stared. Nonetheless, as much as you wanted to watch Joel squirm forever, there was work to be done before you went back to the library on Monday.Â
âAlright well, I need to go get ready so ah⊠Just make yourself at home I guess? Iâm sure you already know where everything is from last time you were here, but feel free to snoop around if you canât find something,â you teased, earning a small chuckle from him.Â
âTake your time baby, I donât mind waiting,â he replied easily, dropping down onto the sofa with a small grunt.Â
There was that word again. Baby. It echoed in your mind, reverberating off the inside of your skull until you were close to screaming. Joel had no right to call you that. He had no right to tease out that part of you that longed for connection, that begged to be released again for the first time in years, but he had. He had and you wanted to hear him say it every single day, to lovingly whisper it in your ear on the sleepy mornings that you slept past the alarm, to murmur it against your lips in those stolen moments when he thought nobody was looking, to growl it angrily as he mercilessly pummeled your aching cunt into submission. You wanted it all.Â
âDâya wanna take a picture or something?,â Joel drawled, his knowing smirk making you feel warm all over as he caught you red handed, âItâd probably last longer honey.âÂ
âSorry, I uh⊠Iâll go get dressed. You justâŠâ
He cocked his head, âI just what?âÂ
Should you say it? Definitely not, but you couldnât stop the words from coming even if you tried.Â
âNothing, itâs -,â you sighed, utterly frustrated at how useless your brain became around him, âItâs just your work clothes. Theyâre cute - You look very cute in them Joel, thatâs all.â
Before Joel had the chance to respond, you spun on your heel and hastened towards the staircase. If you stayed in his presence any longer, you werenât sure youâd be able to hold back. He was simply too breathtaking sunk into your couch, like he was meant to be there all along. You couldnât help but picture him there on quiet mornings, lazily thumbing through the newspaper or one of the worn out westerns that you had spotted in his living room. You imagined creeping downstairs and watching him pause to take a sip of his coffee. Would Joel smile when he finally looked up? Or would he crack a joke, his eyes alight with playfulness as you skipped over and snuggled into his side?Â
âFucking hell,â you mumbled, shaking your head as you dragged yourself back upstairs.Â
You needed to focus, to push away the immense longing that was clouding your judgment before you did something utterly embarrassing like slide into his lap and try to kiss him. There would be time for that someday, if you were lucky, but at that moment what you needed to do was pick something to wear that was more appealing than Joelâs rumpled clothes. With that harrowing task ahead, as well as a disaster on top of your head that only seemed to get angrier the more you poked at it, you put Joel Miller in a box, trying like hell not to think about the fact that he was waiting for you downstairs as you readied yourself for the day.Â
- Joel -
Joel wasnât sure what he had done in a previous life to deserve his morning. First you had called him cute, despite the fact that his beaten up work clothes were likely trekking dirt all throughout your home and staining the couch. He was thankful that you hadnât turned back after you said it, as you undoubtedly would have caught his slack jawed stare. But when you had come downstairs all dressed up, batting your pretty eyelashes at him as you asked, are you ready to go handsome? Well, he had nearly choked to death on his own spit.Â
How was Joel supposed to focus when you were dressed like that? He was too busy staring at the way your flowy little shorts brushed against the soft, supple skin of your thighs or how your breasts strained against the confines of your tank top. If so much as a breeze blew past, he knew that heâd catch a glimpse of the curve of your ass. And if you tried to grab something from the top shelf at the store? Joel would get a lot more than that, as your poor excuse for a shirt was testing his patience with each breath you took.Â
From the moment your feet had touched down on the first floor, you had rendered Joelâs vocal chords useless and with no possibility of communicating, he had no choice but to nod and gesture towards the door in hopes that you would understand. He sighed when you smiled at him and skipped towards the door without question, only to get an even more devastating look at your backside as you led the way. If Joel was a better man, a stronger man, he would have been a gentleman and looked away, but he wasnât. Instead, he found himself subtly readjusting himself so that he didnât have to waddle to the outside like an idiot, hoping like hell you didnât notice.Â
âAlright so, I really need to get groceries so that I donât starve this week aaaand I also have a book order to pick up. Which one do you wanna do first?,â you asked excitedly, practically bouncing down the steps of the porch.Â
He snorted, âForgive me if Iâm wrong sweetheart, but donât you work at an honest to god library? What are you doing buying books? Canât you get them for free?â
âWell yeah, but we donât always carry the types of books I want to read. Sometimes I like to spice it up a bit ya know? Get something off the menu, if you know what I mean,â you said suggestively, nudging him in the ribs as you wiggled your eyebrows at him.Â
Joel had no idea what you meant, but he smiled and nodded nonetheless. He wasnât much of a reader, with most of his experience being the legends of cowboys and news columns, but he admired the allegiance to your craft. How could a book be anything other than words on a paper? He wasnât sure, but the teasing lilt to your tone made his heart start to thump hard against the walls of his chest anyways. The innuendo you were trying to make was clear but he couldnât quite wrap his brain around it. It sounded like you were alluding to something sexier but no, there was no way. Smutty books were for bored housewives, not people like you⊠Right?Â
Joelâs palms began to sweat as he shoved that racy thought from his mind, heart pounding as he vehemently tried to remind himself that he wasnât a complete idiot. That at several points in his life he actually had successfully charmed a member of the opposite sex before. Hell, he even had at least one kid that proved it. Nevertheless as Joel stumbled helplessly along, pulled by the invisible string tied around his heart, he was a hopeless mess. You were too beautiful, too smart, too funny, and all the other adjectives he couldnât quite think of. However, when you suddenly turned away from him and pulled out your keys, he snapped out of it in an instant.Â
âWhat are you doing?,â he asked dumbly.Â
âDriving us to the grocery store? What are YOU doing?,â you shot back, lifting an eyebrow at the sight of him standing at your driverâs side with his own keys in hand.Â
Joel examined your vehicle, if you could even call it that, with a frown carving deep lines into his face. He wasnât sure how the hell the thing had passed inspection, much less how you managed to get it to start up every morning without having it explode. And if that wasnât enough to make him wary, he knew beyond a shadow of doubt that there was no way it had air conditioning. With how dangerous the thing looked and how hot the day was, he wasnât about to let either of you cook for the sake of chivalry.Â
âSweetheart, with all due respect, there ainât no way Iâm getting into that death trap with you,â Joel said, entirely serious despite your surprised laugh.Â
âWhat? Donât be so dramatic Joel, sheâs perfectly fine! A few coats of paint and an oil change, and sheâd be good as new,â you assured him as you shoved the key into the door.Â
âAn oil change?!,â he exclaimed, âHow long has the light been on?âÂ
You shrugged, âSince I got it about a month ago.âÂ
A squawk fell from your lips as Joel tore the keys from your grasp, easily pocketing them before hurrying off towards his own vehicle.Â
âWhat the f - hey! Joel idonâtknowyourmiddlename Miller! Get your ass back here and give me my damn keys!,â you called out.Â
âNope!,â Joel easily threw over his shoulder as he marched over to his truck, âIâve got kids darling, canât be getting blown to bits before theyâre off to college!âÂ
Joel walked straight to the passengerâs side, getting there just in time to unlock and open it for the disgruntled woman chasing him. For someone who spent most of their days helping members of the community, you had quite the colorful vocabulary when you were annoyed. He chewed the inside of his cheek as you rounded the corner, trying to keep his amusement at bay as you gave him the most adorable little frown he had ever seen in his life.Â
âKeys,â you ordered, holding a hand out to him impatiently.Â
âGet in the truck first,â Joel shot back, unwilling to back down so easily.Â
If Joel had it his way youâd never drive that death trap again, but it was much too early for him to be volunteering to be your dedicated taxi driver. He wasnât a complete idiot, he knew that he needed to wait to spring something so bold on a woman that had clearly been burned before. But as you sighed and cocked your hip, not even trying to hide your annoyance from him, he was finding it hard to remember why he needed to tread so carefully.Â
âRight, let me guess, oh Iâm Joel Miller. Iâm a tough contractor and weâre all too manly to sit in a passenger seat from time to time, especially if itâs a lady driving us. Give me a fucking break,â you jabbed, laying on the poorest attempt at an accent that he had ever heard.Â
If it were anyone else, Joel probably would have pointed out that as Texan as he was, he wasnât a caricature. But with you, he just found it endearing and barked a laugh.Â
âFirst of all, you need to work on the accent darling. I ainât Colonel Sanders,â Joel pointed out.Â
You glared at him then, steadily losing patience for his antics the longer your keys remained in his pocket. Joel paled, a strike of fear hitting him as he realized you were being dead serious. Sensing the change in your demeanor, he cleared his throat and switched gears, trying to reverse the damage before he ruined the day with his poor attempt at being funny.Â
âAw shit honey, youâve got me all wrong.â
âDo I? Because it seems to me that you still have my keys,â you sassed.Â
âHere, take âem.âÂ
The set of keys Joel shoved in your face made you falter. They were his, not yours, the faded pink and green braided keychain that Sarah had made him years ago making it painstakingly obvious. You didnât know it, but it was a big deal for him to let you drive his truck, as not even Tommy had been granted that privilege. Joel wasnât sure why but the thought of seeing you drive his truck made him tingle all over. He imagined you in his usual seat, gripping the worn steering wheel with your far more delicate fingers as you hummed along to the radio and chattered about everything under the sun. His heart stuttered as he thought of it, forcing him to take a deep breath so that he didnât get too dizzy.Â
âWhat? Why?,â you gasped, eyeing the set of keys like they might bite you.Â
âYou heard me baby, take âem if you want to drive so damn bad. I just donât feel like dying a fiery death today because you didnât think to get an oil change. Sânothing personal,â he said with a shrug.Â
âNothing personal, he says. Sure sounds pretty fucking personal, â you bickered, snatching the keys from his hand so you could cross over to the driverâs side, âYouâre lucky that youâre cute Miller, now get in the damn truck.âÂ
âYes maâam.âÂ
Joel slid into the seat beside you, happily allowing you to adjust the seat and fiddle with the mirrors a bit before you set off. It was weird being a passenger in his own vehicle but he had to admit, being free to stare at you unabashedly had its perks, like getting to pick up things he hadnât before. As you drove, going over your game plan for the grocery store like it was some sort of high stakes mission, he noticed that you often took a hand off the wheel to gesture, providing a flourish to all of the points you wanted to emphasize.Â
Joel watched as you placed both of your hands back on the wheel when you were done speaking, drumming your fingers against cracked leather to the beat of the song that was playing. It was some upbeat hit, nothing that he would usually be caught dead playing in his truck but it didnât matter. With you in the driverâs seat, Joel couldnât hear anything. All he could focus on was you, simply existing in a space that he found himself in every single day.Â
âSo, what do you think?,â you prompted, looking at him expectantly.Â
âWhat do I think about what?,â Joel sighed dreamily, wishing he could scooch a little closer and press himself against you like some sort of love sick puppy.Â
You rolled to a stop at a set of lights, turning in your seat to look him over with a furrowed brow.Â
âAbout where we go first; bookstore or groceries.âÂ
âOh, uh⊠Itâs up to you darling, Iâm just along for the ride,â he shrugged, relaxing back against his seat as the light turned green.Â
You sighed, âI guess groceries it is then. Weâll save the fun thing for last, that way itâs like a reward.âÂ
Much to Joelâs embarrassment, the rest of the ride followed a similar trajectory. You would speak to him and he would try to follow along, but his nerves and giddiness would get in the way every single time. Everytime he looked at you, it was like his ears became filled with cotton, rendering him absolutely useless. When you finally turned into the parking lot, he sighed in relief, silently berating himself for being such a bumbling fool in your presence.Â
Joel wanted to be smooth, to sweet talk you until you were trembling for him as he had the previous day, but he couldnât. Being alone with you was all encompassing, wiping his brain clean of any thoughts despite his attempts to remain somewhat cognitive. At that moment, with how flustered he was, it was beginning to feel like every bit of progress he had accomplished thus far had been nothing but dumb luck.Â
Realistically, Joel had never been known for being smooth but he was usually, at the very least, able to talk to women. He thumped his head against the headrest behind him, realizing just how doomed he was as he watched you fix your hair in the mirror. If a suave man was what you wanted, then he was the last person you should be spending your time with. Nonetheless, Joel still popped out of his seat as you cut the engine, desperate to redeem himself as he raced over to open the door for you. He knew that it was an old fashioned move, likely regarded as corny to some, but he liked the way you looked at him when he did it. Plus, being there to help you out meant that he got to hold your hand for a few precious seconds.Â
âThank you,â you whispered, adorably flustered as he helped you down.Â
Joel beamed at you in return, smiling wide as you let his hand linger a bit longer than necessary before dropping it and heading towards the store. It would take some time for you to allow him to keep holding it, but that was okay. Heâd wait forever if he had to.Â
âOkay so, weâll do produce, bread aisle, eggs, protein, snacks, frozen stuff, and then weâre out. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy,â you sighed, the stress rolling off of you in waves.Â
Joel watched as you made yourself taller, straightening your spine fully as you walked through the doors with a hard look on your face. If he didnât know any better, heâd assume you were walking into a prison with how serious you became. It was like you were trying to ward off any inmates before they tried to punk you for being a newbie.Â
âIs there a reason youâve got us gearing up for a fight or do you usually prepare for battle every time you leave the house?,â Joel teased as he grabbed a cart and followed closely behind.Â
âThis place is worse than a frigginâ battleground,â you huffed, picking up a bag of peppers to inspect them before you plopped them into the cart, âItâs just so loud in here and people are always shoving me. Thatâs why I like the market better, itâs lower stakes and a better crowd.âÂ
Joel nodded, trying to think of the last time he had been there. He smiled when remembered it. An eight year old Ellie had begged him to take her and then subsequently dragged him around all the stalls to look at the local art. Everything the artists had talked to her about had been way over his head of course, but he thought it was nice that they took the time to recommend certain paints and canvases to an excited kid. The Miller crewâs trip to the market hadnât lasted long, as Sarah had quickly gotten bored and started complaining about the heat, but he had enjoyed it until his children started hissing at each other like angry cats. With the bickering between sisters growing steadily in volume, the visit unfortunately had to be cut short before the two made a scene in front of the vendors.Â
âThe marketâs nice, I get why youâd rather go there. To be honest with you, I usually get mine delivered,â Joel sighed and shook his head,âThereâs way too many familiar faces here and not enough space to run.âÂ
âSounds like a nightmare.âÂ
It could be, though there were times that Joel loved it. There was something comforting about living your entire life in the same town. Every street, every family, every stream, every nook and cranny had been accounted for in his thirty four years of living in Austin. However, no matter how hard he tried, he couldnât escape the people who had watched him grow into the man he was, the same people that undoubtedly remembered every part of his life that heâd rather forget. Sometimes he wanted to drown all of his former selves in a river, snuffing them out so that nobody could remember the things he had done, the things that had been done to him, and everything in between. But what good would that do? Austin was where he had laid down roots, it was where he had raised his kids. There was no leaving it now.Â
âCan be, but sânot too bad. Most of the looky-loos in this town are harmless, just old people and bored married couples looking to get their drama-fix. I donât cause much trouble these days anyways so Iâm usually left out of it, unless theyâre feeling nostalgic,â Joel muttered. Â
âWait a second, so does that mean you were the townâs resident bad boy back in the day?,â you gasped.Â
âNah, thatâs all Tommy. That boyâs got a record thatâs probably got our mama spinning in her urn,â he chuckled and shook his head, âBut me? Nah, I was just dumb sometimes. It was never anything too crazy.âÂ
âDo I get to know any of the dumb things you did or are you going to make me ask one of the chatty old birds that come into the library?,â you asked playfully, nudging your way into his personal space to reach for a loaf of bread.Â
Joel swallowed hard as the curve of your ass brushed along his front, gritting his teeth as he felt it brush against his zipper. He prayed you wouldnât feel him twitch against your backside as you bent over, especially with how thin your shorts were. His face burned as you turned around with an arm full of whole wheat, the knowing look on your face making him squirm. If only you knew just how starved for attention Joel was, or how many times in the last half hour he had thought about ripping those little shorts off and burying his face in between your plush thighs. Perhaps then you would know better than to toy with him in such a public setting.Â
âJesus,â Joel whispered, carefully readjusting himself while you turned to throw the bread into the cart.Â
âWell?â
âOh, uhâŠâ
âThe stupid things you did?,â you graciously reminded him.Â
Joel cleared his throat, racking his brain for something outrageous enough to quench your curiosity without opening a can of worms. The last thing he needed was to have you go digging through his past before you knew him enough to give him the benefit of the doubt.Â
âOh, I donât know darling. Letâs see⊠Well, there was this one time during my senior year that I streaked a football game for a case of bud light.â
You cackled, âBud light? Of all the beers, you risk a criminal record for that one? Bleh.âÂ
âTell me about it,â Joel chuckled, remembering how unsatisfying the room temperature beer had been after the long term grounding his mom had greeted him with when he got home that night.Â
âI never pegged you for a nudist,â you teased.Â
He guffawed, âNudist? I just didnât have a fake ID yet and Tommy wouldnât share his.âÂ
âWhatever you say Millerâ you giggled, âAny other petty crimes youâd like to admit to?â
âOne time I stole the principal's keys and filled his car with cow shit because he wouldnât let me go to swim meets until I got my grades up,â Joel admitted, wincing as he added, âThing is, he had already suspended Tommy earlier that day for smoking in the bathroom so uhâŠâ
âThey blamed him?!,â you nearly bellowed. Â
âQuiet down! Yeah, they blamed him,â he groaned, rolling his eyes as you exploded into a fit of giggles, âBut donât you go telling him that sweetheart, that is top secret information. He still hasnât put it together and Iâd like to keep it that way.âÂ
âShit, thatâs good,â you panted, clutching your chest as you tried to catch your breath, âOh my god Joel, thatâs hilarious but donât worry, I wonât tell him. Your secret is safe with me⊠I mean, unless you start pissing me off.â
âHaha, very funny,â Joel said, rolling his eyes at your teasing.
He watched as you struggled to hide a smile, shifting through one of the freezers for a ridiculous amount of snacks.Â
âWhat about you? Were you the rebel or the prom queen?,â Joel asked, trying to imagine a younger, more awkward version of you.Â
âMore like the resident dork,â you said as you slammed yet another load of sugary treats and frozen pizzas into the cart, âIt was just me and the other weird kids hanging out in the English teacherâs class during lunch so we could stay out of the way. No crazy stories there Iâm afraid. âÂ
He winced, âJesus, mâsorry honey. I shouldnât have asked.âÂ
âMeh, it wasnât too bad. I spent most of my time reading with them during lunch or smoking in the woods behind the school. I had good grades so I was pretty much just waiting out the clock until I could graduate and haul ass to university,â you sighed.Â
âWell, did you at least get to have a little fun there?,â Joel tried, already regretting his question when you scowled at the bag of fries you were holding.Â
âNah, my teens and twenties were both write-offs but thatâs fine. Happens to the best of us,â you shrugged, âIâd say my thirties will be better but with how they started, Iâm probably shit out of luck on that one. Fuck it, my forties will be my time to shine.âÂ
The back of Joelâs throat burned at that, an uncomfortable feeling settling in his stomach as he imagined you in the worst conditions possible. He hadn't pushed you to divulge anything about your past, not wanting to make you uncomfortable, but being left in the dark was starting to drive him insane. All he knew was what he could see: that you were incredibly jumpy, almost like you were terrified to disappoint him for some reason, and that you consistently prioritized the comfort of others over your own. Joel wasnât the most perceptive man by any means, but he was more than capable of connecting the dots on that one.Â
âForties it is then,â he confirmed, unsure of what else there was for him to say.Â
You grinned at him, âPromise?â
âSweetheart, Iâll add on a lifetime if ya let me.â
A pleased noise came from you, the sound of it forcing all of the air from his lungs once again. Joel watched as you tried to compose yourself, practically glowing from the small comment he had made. His heart rate sped up, the heavy thuds shaking his entire being as the words sunk in for him as well. Why did he say that? He had meant it completely, but was it too soon? An excitable hum started beneath his skin, drawing life back into his body as he let himself dream of a future that seemed to be within his grasp for once in his life.Â
âYouâre fucking nuts,â you breathed out, not even trying to hide the way you stared at his lips.Â
Joel clenched his fists, digging the blunt edges of his fingernails into his palms to keep from closing the distance. It would be so easy to melt into you, to allow himself to indulge in the sweet treat that was being waved in front of his face, but he couldnât. He wanted the first time he kissed you to be monumental, for it to be something that would sweep you off your feet like you deserved. It could be nothing short of perfection. Which was why when you stepped closer, he looked away, chewing on the inside of his cheek as he tried to think of anything to say that would break the tension.Â
âUh,â he started, finding his distraction in the goods you had piled into the cart, âYouâre calling me crazy? Iâm not the woman who's buying damn near ten boxes of frozen pizza and about a gallon of rocky road. Are you going into hibernation or something?â
âExcuse me, itâs not my fault that your offspring are like black holes. Hell, Iâm pretty sure that if I didnât give them food theyâd start chewing on my damn walls. What are you feeding them over there anyways? Air?,â you shot back, a ghost of a smile playing on your lips. Â
Joel blinked, completely taken aback by your teasing. He knew that sometimes the girls went over for movie nights, which he assumed involved maybe a couple bags of popcorn, and perhaps even a few cans of soda to wash it down - nothing too crazy. He had no idea that you had been actually feeding his kids when he wasnât around, even buying groceries for when they inevitably came waltzing into your home unannounced. All of the neurons in his brain clashed together as he let that soak in, an instinctual response brewing from somewhere deep inside of him.Â
âI-I had no idea. Fuck, how long have you been doing that?,â Joel stammered, although he was unsure what a straight answer might do to his poor heart.Â
âHmmm, well they came over my first week in town and said they were starving. What was I supposed to do? Not feed them? Thatâs crazy! Plus,â you added with a shrug, âWhat can I say? It gets lonely eating dinner by yourself all the time and since you were at work, I figured it would be fine if I fed them. But uh, I can stop if you want.â
Joelâs brain short circuited, making him halt in place in the middle of the aisle. You had fed his girls in the times that he couldnât, nourishing them as if they were an extension of yourself. Without even being asked to, you had helped his family. He swallowed hard, chest tight as the thought of you with his daughters blurred the edges of his mind, and he found himself barrelling towards you in an instant. Â
Without thinking about it, Joel threw his arms around you, placing his chin on top of your head so that he could give you a firm squeeze. At first you did nothing except let out a small yelp, going still for a few moments before you slowly started to hug him back. It didnât matter to him that the two of you were in the middle of the frozen foods section, or that the nosy shoppers stared as they passed by, what mattered was the soft noise you made when he nuzzled top of your head, and the way your hands soon gripped the back of his shirt like you were afraid that he might let go. Â
âI donât even know what to say sweetheart. That means the world to me,â he whispered into your hair, pressing a small peck on the side of your head before he pulled back to look at you, âReally, you have no idea.âÂ
âI-I um, itâs nothing Joel. Theyâre good kids, the best really, and Iâd be pretty lonely without them. You shouldnât even be thanking me, they were the ones doing me a favour by giving me a bit of human contact outside of work,â you answered shakily.Â
âSure,â Joel drawled, allowing you space to breathe as your knees started to shake under the heavy weight of his stare, âBut thank ya anyways honey, I mean it.âÂ
You shook your head once, turning back towards the task at hand and Joel let you. He was walking on cloud nine, actually allowing his mind to go down that dangerous path filled with hopes and dreams. In that moment Joel decided that no matter what, he was all in. It was insane, committing himself to someone that he barely knew, but he didnât give two shits. From the moment you stepped out of that bathroom and dropped your towel in front of him, you had wrapped around his heart like a vice, strangling it with every torturous beat. He needed to be yours, which was why he needed to ask before he exploded.Â
âAre you doing anything later? I was wonderinâ if ya maybe wanted to -â
âJoel? Joel Miller?,â came from behind him, the familiar voice making his face fall.Â
The world caved in on him in an instant, the walls growing and shrinking as Joel willed himself to turn around. He sighed, of course she would be at the grocery store. It was a Sunday, half the city was probably out and about before their weekends came to a close. He had been stupid, so irredeemably stupid when he agreed to come but in his defence, he had been hypnotized by your sultry gaze and satin skin on display. Joel gulped, visibly shrinking as he turned and finally locked eyes with the elderly woman. His heart stuttered, all of the memories flashing through his mind as he tried to think of what to say to her.Â
âWell Iâll be damned, I thought that was you! Jesus, how long has it been? I started to think youâd moved away. Howâve ya been sweetie?â
Willa smiled at him, her eyes shining with a maternal kind of love that he didnât deserve. After everything that had happened Joel hadnât tried to contact her, not even once, as he had been too scared of what she might say to him. Or worse, what he would say to her. There were brief run-ins when the girls were young, before he had learned to avoid her usual spots, but aside from that he had thankfully managed to steer clear for nearly fifteen years. But at that moment there were no screaming babies for him to hide behind, just a beautiful woman looking terribly confused as she stood by his side.Â
âOoou, and whoâs this? Tommy never told me you were seeing anyone,â she asked playfully.Â
Fucking Tommy, Joel thought to himself. Of course he still talked to her, why would his little shit of a brother make anything easy on him?Â
âOh, this is um -â
Thankfully you stepped forward, side eyeing him as you gave her your name and shook her hand. Willa asked you something after that, likely about work or when you had gotten to town, but Joelâs mind was elsewhere. He was thinking about that night, about how he had been torn to shreds by an impossible decision. There had only been one answer to her question but it had shamed him to say it, to let go of a piece of himself so that he could focus on being a dad. It had felt like betrayal but even then, as a twenty year old idiot, he had known his answer. Still, knowing that he was right didnât make it any easier.Â
âIâm glad to meet one of Joelâs friends, I used to love it when the kids came to play in my yard and I got to meet all the little characters in their lives,â Willa laughed.
The kind squeeze that she gave to Joelâs forearm burned and he had to physically stop himself from jumping back. Stomach acid splashed against the back of his throat, forcing him to swallow a couple times so that he didnât ruin your sneakers by vomiting all over them. He wondered briefly if the morning had been a dream, if he was really still at home in bed, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldnât wake himself up.Â
âAw, I can imagine. Ellie and Sarah were so cute when they were little, I saw some pictures at Joelâs and I almost died,â you gushed.Â
âOh no dear, I actually havenât had the pleasure of meeting them now that theyâre grown. Iâm talking about him and T -âÂ
âWe actually have to get going Willa but itâs been great seeing you,â Joel cut in, his heart pounding in his ears as he corralled you towards the check out, âBut Iâll be sure to give you a call sometime, have a good day!âÂ
With tremors shaking his entire frame, Joel ushered you up to the front. He heard you asking him something but he was gone, splintered across time no matter how hard he tried to stay in the present. Childhood memories flooded his mind, followed by the ridiculousness of his teens and early adulthood, but it was those last few weeks that haunted him the most. How could he have not seen it? It had been right in front of him all along but he was too caught up to understand it at the time.Â
âWe donât um, we donât have to go to the bookstore if you donât want to. I understand if you changed your mind,â you said softly as he moved forward to bag your groceries. Â
Joel hip checked you when you tried to take one of the bags from him, too out of it to notice that he was being slightly rude.Â
âThatâs probably for the best,â he grunted, already kicking himself for the clipped tone he used.Â
The way your face fell twisted Joelâs heart, only making him feel more disgusted with himself. For the life of him, he could never understand why he ever thought that this was a good idea. How could he ever think that you might be his future? You were soft and warm, deserving of all the best things that life could give. And Joel? He couldnât even begin to explain to you why he was upset.
All of the words that Joel knew you wanted to hear died on his tongue, his throat dry and scratchy as he tried to force himself to speak. It was pointless. His vocal chords had been rusting for well over a decade, corroded by years of misuse and heartbreak, but that didnât mean that he didnât want to. God, he wanted to tell you so badly that it nearly killed him to watch you walk away from him. Your jaw was set, arms crossed over themselves in an attempt to comfort yourself in the way that he should be able to. It made him want to die.Â
Joel thought of all the times that he had let women in his life walk away, about the greatest triumphs and failures of his life. Letting Marlene walk away? That had been hard, but necessary. She had never wanted him or Sarah, and he had no intention of forcing her to be someone other than the free spirited disaster that she had always been. But letting Tess walk away from him when she needed him the most? That was a choice that had hung over him like a knife for years, threatening to ruin every beautiful moment in his life. He didnât want the same to be true about you. Tightening his jaw, he crammed the past back in its little box, stowing it away for later so that he could focus on the present.Â
- You -
What the hell had just happened?Â
Moments before Willa had come over to say hi, Joel had been carefree, staring at you with hearts in his eyes as the two of you filled your cart. However, the second he had heard her voice he had turned to stone, the light in his eyes dimming as she hobbled over with a gummy smile that reminded you of a grandmother long since passed. She was extremely kind and seemed ecstatic to see Joel after what you guessed to have been years, but he had been quick to drag you away from her. Was it you? Was it her? You had no idea but based on the way he was angrily chewing on the inside of his cheek as the two of you walked back to the truck, you didnât dare ask.Â
The silence on the walk back was unbearable, along with the awkward exchange when you handed Joel the keys so he could drive home. Although it had been fun to drive his truck, you didnât feel like it anymore. The day had started off so happy and hopeful but for whatever reason, it was now ruined. The context of the exchange between Joel and Willa was lost on you but it still weighed heavy on your heart, as you were reminded once again that he was a stranger.Â
Although Joel offered it to you when he was done putting the groceries in the back, you ignored the hand that was held out to you and threw yourself up into the seat instead. It was childish but at that moment, you would rather ungraciously flop into the truck than grab a hold of a man that refused to communicate with you. There had been enough of that in your previous relationship. Joel made an annoyed noise as you continued to ignore him, focusing your gaze ahead as he watched you angrily yank on the seatbelt. A beat passed when you were done, one where the tension between you grew thick with confusion and resentment, before he suddenly snapped the door shut.Â
Stop it, stop it, stop it, you told yourself over and over again as your eyes began to water. It was stupid, you had no claim over any part of Joelâs life. He was under no obligation to tell you anything about his past and it was hypocritical to be mad at him for keeping secrets, especially when you also had things that you had yet to confess. However, as Joel took his time getting into the driverâs seat, you felt yourself grow increasingly impatient with him. His actions had triggered something inside of you, igniting a rage that could burn entire cities to the ground but just as you were about to explode, it was your door - not his - that was whipped open.Â
âJoel?â
âI was a dick to ya just now,â he said bluntly.Â
Oh.Â
Of all the things Joel could have said, that was not something you would have ever predicted. A hush fell over the cab of the truck, the two of you locked in a staring contest as you tried and failed to think of a response. What could you possibly say to that? Sure, Joel had been snippy with you but why did he feel the need to apologize? Nobody had ever done that to you before and although you knew it was a good thing, you couldnât help but feel a little unnerved by his honesty. It almost felt like him being angry with you would have been easier, or at the very least more familiar.Â
âOkay,â you tried, twisting in the seat to face him as you asked, âUm, why did you do that?â
âWilla wasâŠ,â he groaned and rubbed his face, âShe was the mother of someone I was friends with a long time ago. Iâm sorry honey, I swear that I never meant to be rude to you or her. Itâs just that I wanted today to be about you, not T-âŠâ
Joel looked away then, his jaw working hard as he tried to hold back his own words. Given his cold expression most people would have assumed he was pissed, but you werenât fooled by the tough guy act. Joel was scared, terrified really, with every muscle in his body bunched up like it was readying for an attack. You understood that kind of fear, had lived with it for so long that it had become comfortable. There was pain buried deep inside of him, trapped beneath years of silence, shame, and seething rage. All of it poured off of him in bitter waves and despite his obvious attempts to speak up, you realized that it would take some time for him to peel all of that back.Â
âWhat happened?,â you asked softly.Â
Joelâs gaze snapped back towards you, eyes ablaze with contempt for a second before he sighed and snuffed it out. Touchy subject, you noted, deciding to leave the question hanging in the air instead of pushing the matter. But the longer he kept quiet, the more he started to resemble a caged animal and without thinking, you laid a hand on his chest and pressed into the skin there in an attempt to ground him. Joel flinched at first but you were undaunted, understanding the fear that tensed his jaw and quickened the heart beating beneath your palms. It took a few more moments before the haunches started to lower, relief replacing terror as he began to realize that it was okay to be vulnerable.Â
âDied,â Joel said, his voice gruff, âMy best friend died and I donât er⊠I havenât talked about it, not yet at least. There wasnât really any time to talk about it when it happened. I had two baby girls to take care of soâŠâÂ
âOh Joel, Iâm so sorry,â you sighed, aching from the sadness in his eyes.
âSâalright, I just donât like to be reminded of it,â he plucked your hand from his chest, gripping it tight as he added, âIâm okay though baby, it was a long time ago anyways.â
âWe donât have to talk about it.â
Joel opened his eyes, his face wide open as he squeezed your fingers again and then laid the hand back over his beating heart. All of the air rushed out of your lungs at the small gesture, heart slamming against the inside of your chest as one of his hands came up to cup the side of your face. He tilted your head a bit, making sure you couldnât look away from him as he spoke.Â
âIâm gonna to tell you someday honey, I swear. Itâs just hard and I donât know how toâŠ,â he trailed off, shaking his head at himself, âI need time to figure out how to say it. Iâm sorry, I know that that might not be enough for you but I just canât yet, okay?.âÂ
âJoel,â you whispered, eyes shining as you nuzzled his hand, an act that further softened his features and allowed his shoulder to drop a bit.Â
âIs that alright?,â Joel asked, his eyes filled with hope and fear.Â
You nodded and yanked on his arm, giggling at the small oof Joel let out as he fell into the cab. His chest slammed into yours, nearly knocking you back against the seat but you managed to regain your balance by wrapping your arms around him. A hushed groan rumbled in his chest as you pressed him closer, hands rubbing at his back as you squeezed him with all of your might. Usually you would be too scared to be this handsy but with the memory of Joel hugging you in the grocery store still fresh in your mind, you figured it was fine to level the playing field.Â
âFuck darling,â he sighed as he wrapped his strong arms around you, happily crushing you against him,âWhere the hell did you come from, huh?â
âMmm, heaven obviously,â you joked, earning a small laugh from him.Â
Joel pulled away after a while and you let him, already missing the feeling of him against you. He slowly retracted his arms, making sure to brush every inch of skin with his rough palms as he did. A shudder passed through you, causing a sharp pang of lust to further dampen your poor panties. You werenât sure if that had been his intention but based on the pleased look on his face, it certainly wasnât an unwelcome development.Â
âCâmon, enough talking about the past. Letâs get those groceries home before they go bad,â he said with a heavy sigh.Â
âOh shit! The groceries!,â you blurted out, trying to shove him out of the cab with all of your might, âFucking shit, I completely forgot! We need to go before the ice cream melts! â
âAlright, alright, hold your horses lady. Iâm going, just give me a second,â Joel cackled, batting your hands away so that he could stop for a moment and straighten the few errant strands that had been smushed against the sides of your face from the hug.Â
He grinned at you when he was done and then shut the door, jogging over to his side like he couldnât wait to slip back into your presence again. Or perhaps that was just you that felt that way, but what did it matter? Joel was soon sitting beside you with his hand clamped down over your left thigh again, his thumb brushing the soft skin there as he drove towards home. Except this time, you reached down and slid your hand into his, holding it in your lap as you looked out the window. You didnât dare look to see his reaction at first, utterly terrified that he would be sitting there with his jaw set or worse, that he would pull away entirely. But then you felt it, a small squeeze that wordlessly assured you that it was okay, that he liked the feeling of you holding his hand, and you relaxed a bit.Â
Still, you didnât look over until Joel was close to home, too shy to stare at him like he had stared at you. However, as he took the final turn onto your block, you had to sneak a peek. The sun framed him perfectly, making his skin glow beautifully under its warmth. He was so handsome, with a striking side profile that made you thank every higher power for strong noses. In truth, Joel Miller was a pretty man, although you held back from telling him that in fear that he would take it poorly. That didnât make it any less true. He was absolutely beautiful and he was sitting next to you, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips while he let you play with his thick fingers.Â
By the time you got home, you had mapped out every freckle on Joelâs face, every scar on the hand in yours, every inch of skin that wasnât covered with clothing. It made you greedy for more. You were almost disappointed when the truck rolled into your driveway and he jumped out so he could sprint over to your side. Once again Joel helped you down, stealing your breath away with the small act before he moved to grab your groceries. Despite your protests, he loaded his arms full of bags, leaving you with nothing but the task of holding the door open for him.Â
âYouâre being ridiculous Joel. I could take at least three of those bags and youâd still have the majority. For the love of God, just let me carry one,â you groaned, watching as he readjusted to squeeze himself through the front door.Â
âNope, Iâm just fine darling,â he said casually, completely ignoring your attempts at trying to pry one from his grasp.Â
âHopeless,â you chuckled, shaking your head at his antics as he clumsily maneuvered his way past all of your living room furniture and into the kitchen.Â
âOh definitely sweetheart, but I think ya like it,â Joel threw over his shoulder.Â
Joel wasnât wrong, you liked it very much. As you watched him lug all of the groceries into the kitchen, starting to unbag them himself as you leaned against the counter with an amused grin, you realized that he wasnât the only hopeless fool. Instead of asking you where everything went, he jammed all of the items in the most ridiculous places, so wrapped up in the task that he seemed to forget that you were in the room. And you let him, much too happy to say anything.Â
âNot sure why I thought this would be a good ideaâ Joel huffed halfway through, peering at the bag of frozen peas that he was about to jam into the cupboard.Â
âNo shit Sherlock,â you mused, fondness blooming deep in your chest, âWhatâs the rush? Got some plans that I donât know about?â
He faltered, âI uh, well yeah actually, I do.âÂ
âOh,â you said, unable to fully mask the disappointment in your voice as you pushed off the sink, âShit, Iâm sorry Joel. I didnât realize that I was holding you up, you should have told me! Here, let me take over. All youâre doing is wreaking havoc anyways.âÂ
âSweetheart, you probably should have taken over about five minutes ago. I have no sweet clue what Iâm doing here,â he admitted.Â
âYou donât say,â you chuckled, grabbing the peas from him so you could shove them in the freezer, âGo, Iâm fine here. I wouldnât want to make you late or anything.âÂ
âWell, my plans, they um⊠I had hoped that they would involve you if you werenât too sick of me yet,â Joel ventured, trying to keep his tone light despite the anxiousness you could see weighing him down.Â
âYou made plans for us?,â you asked with a slightly warbly voice.Â
He nodded solemnly, almost like he was confessing to a crime, âI was gonna go home and grab a few things first but then I thought we could head out. Donât feel like you have to though, itâs just an idea.âÂ
Was this -? No, it couldnât be. There was no way Joel would ask you out on a date so casually. It had to be just a social gathering, a nice hang out between friends.Â
âOkay, well, do I get to know what the plans are? Or am I just supposed to just guess what type of clothes to wear and hope for the best?,â you questioned, earning a laugh from him.Â
âYouâre perfect the way you are darling, donât change anything unless you want to,â he answered easily, the truth evident in the way his eyes greedily raked over your body.Â
The outfit you were wearing wasnât your best work but it had certainly gotten the job done. Every time you caught Joel staring at your breasts or goggling at your ass had reminded you just how easy it was to impress men. Flowy shorts and a tank top, thatâs all there was to the outfit and yet, for the entirety of the day he had stared at you like you were wearing a set of lingerie. Â
âHmmm, okay. I guess Iâm in,â you cooed.Â
âWell alright then baby,â Joel said sweetly, beaming at you as he turned towards the door, âStay here, Iâll be right back.âÂ
âI donât have much of a choice now. Thanks to you, Iâve got fucking ice cream melting under my sink and dry pasta in the fridge,â you pointed out, forcing a bark of laughter from him.Â
Joel raced out the door, the boyish grin on his face making you unreasonably excited. The second you heard the front door shut behind him, you let out a breath and surveyed the disaster, groaning as you realized the damage he had done. You sighed, deciding to leave the best of it and correct only the necessary things; like the milk left on the counter or the cucumber shoved in the freezer. It didnât take long and once you were done, you sprinted up the stairs, gunning it for your room so you could change into something a bit more tantalizing.Â
This morningâs outfit had been perfect for the store but with Joel refusing to give you a location for his mystery trip, you refused to be duped into going somewhere unprepared. It was better to be too dressed up than to be embarrassed for the rest of the day. Tearing off your clothes, you dug into the pile of sundresses that you had ripped from the closet earlier, picking up one of your favorites. It was a blue milkmaid dress with a lace bow that sat right in between your breasts, the thin strip of fabric barely managing to hold the girls in. You smiled, the dress was just what you needed if you wanted to make Joel Miller squirm.Â
After smoothing your hair back into a messy yet stylish updo and re-applying a generous layer of deodorant, you stopped by the mirror to look at yourself. If anything, the outfit was a little much. The dress teetered on the edge being a tad too sexy from the cleavage alone, but the fact that the ends of your dress went below your knees helped even it out. Despite how bold it might be, as you slipped on a pair of shoes and drifted down the hallway, you knew that your intended audience would love it.Â
Excitement rushed through you as Joel called your name from downstairs, this time forgoing the knock to push the front door open and make himself at home in your space again. Although an open door policy had not been your original plan for living in Austin, you were more than willing to make an exception for the Miller family. The girls had taken to it almost immediately, even going as far as to wander upstairs if they couldnât find you on the first floor, and the thought of Joel someday being comfortable enough to do the same sent a thrill down your spine.Â
âComing!,â you called out, feeling like a giddy schoolgirl as you raced down the stairsÂ
Joel waited for you at the bottom of the staircase, a fresh shirt hugging him in all the right places and his curls finally released from the confines of a hat. He looked good, so good that you felt all the confidence the dress had bestowed upon you slipping away. Instead of gliding over to him like the kind of sultry succubus you were attempting to emulate, you nearly tripped over your own feet trying to get to him, the desperation to be near him shining through in an instant. But if he noticed, he didnât say a word, as he was too wrapped up in his own desire to fault you for being flustered.Â
âWow, you look⊠Wow,â Joel breathed, stepping closer so he could get a good look at you.Â
âA good wow?,â you softly ventured.
âYeah darling, a very good wow,â he chuckled, his eyes never once leaving that little bow that strained against the weight of your breasts with every breath.Â
The dress wasnât playing fair, you knew that, but it was completely necessary. The patience Joel Miller possessed was commendable, almost painfully so, and you intended to shatter it if it was the last thing you did. You were absolutely famished, growing ever more desperate with each soft touch or brief glance. In order to protect your own sanity, it was time for you to pull out the big guns.
âGood,â you said sweetly, surprising him by taking his hand, âNow, where to next handsome?âÂ
Joel ushered you back into the truck without another word, once again holding the door for you like the gentleman he was. He was more jumpy than usual as he pulled out of the neighbourhood, a slightly panicked look on his face as he drove, and so you did the only thing you could think of. Carefully, you pried one of his hands off of the steering wheel, gently leading it back down to your lap so you could hold it as he drove.Â
âThank ya darling,â Joel sighed, relaxing slightly against the seat as he squeezed your fingers.Â
You hummed, granting him a small smile as you turned your attention to the window. It felt so natural to have Joelâs steady presence at your side, the warmth of his palm making you tingle and his scent invading all of your senses. But when you looked over to see if he was savoring the innocent touch like you were, you noticed that he had sunk back into his own worries, grinding his teeth together with a force that would undoubtedly give him a migraine later. With a sigh, you lifted the cup holder and scooched across the bench, determined to distract him as you pressed into his side.Â
âWhat are ya - oh,â Joel halted, his voice laden with shock as you maneuvered his arm so that it could drape over your shoulders.Â
âRelax Joel, youâve already made it this far. Itâs not like Iâm gonna run off screaming, youâre my only way home,â you teased.Â
âRoger that honey,â he chuckled, the tension breaking as he pressed you so close to his chest that you could hear his heart steadily thumping in your ear.Â
Although the day was warm, you didnât mind being so close to Joel. The AC leveled the playing field quite a bit, making the heat of his skin welcoming as you lounged against him. Before long you couldnât even pay attention to the road anymore, too relaxed to truly give a damn about where he was taking you. As long as Joel stayed as he was, radiating an unreasonable amount of heat that brought you to the brink of unconsciousness, he could take you across state lines for all you cared. He was just so cozy, like falling asleep on a heated blanket, and you couldnât help but doze off despite your best efforts to stay awake. Â
âWeâre here honey,â Joel whispered after some time, his mustache bristling against the shell of your ear.Â
âMmmphf?,â you hummed, yawning as you peeled yourself away from him and looked out the window.Â
Joel had brought you into some sort of field, although he had parked a long way away from any structure or road. The sun touched every tree, every patch of flowers, and every soft patch of grass, illuminating the entirety of the property in a way that made it look like a painting. Your mouth popped open, a shock running through you as you watched a set of squirrels chase each other into the wooded area up ahead.Â
There was a clear path near the entryway of the woods, undoubtedly leading towards whatever hidden treasure Joel was bringing you to. It was funny. If any other man would have brought you out to the middle of nowhere and asked you to walk down a spooky looking trail with him, you would have ran away as fast as you could. But with Joel, you felt perfectly at ease. Ignoring all of the self preservation skills you had earned from a lifetime of being a woman, you hopped out of the truck and grabbed his free hand, walking straight into the forest with a smile on your face
âWhat is this place?,â you questioned, eyeing some of the more overgrown parts of the path.Â
âThis is my parentâs place,â Joel said as he held one of the branches back for you, âOr it was. I donât know. Theyâre both gone, so I suppose itâs mine and Tommyâs now but neither of us really use it. He likes being in town and I donât have the time to fix the house up quite yet, someday though.â
Remembering the sprawling fields and how beautiful the lake in the distance looked, you were slightly jealous. The property was gorgeous, with the added bonus of being away from the hustle and bustle of town. Looking over the terrain, you couldnât help but feel sad that neither of the brothers had taken the property for themselves. The place had once been loved by the Miller family and now it was all but forgotten. Even the trail Joel led you down showed signs of neglect, crowded by years of accumulated debris and overgrown brush. More than a few times he had to push back the branches before they smacked you in the face, or point out fallen logs for you to jump over. Still, traces of the family remained.Â
There was the bench that someone had made out of a log near the entrance, along with a forgotten treehouse about halfway through with the faded words - Joelâs Clubhouse, Stay Out Tommy! - emblazoned onto the side. Even more interesting was the tree that had T.M. + A.J. 4-Ever carved into the side of it, with a wonky heart around it that made you laugh. Everywhere you looked, the ghosts of the people who had previously loved this spot lingered, yet you still couldnât figure out why it had been abandoned.Â
âJesus, Iâm sorry honey. It wasnât this bad the last time I was up here,â Joel swore, catching you before you had a chance to stumble over a rock.Â
âAnd when was that?,â you huffed as a branch nearly wacked you in the face.Â
He scratched the back of his head, looking incredibly guilty as he admitted, âWell, the girls were still in elementary so...âÂ
âSo, a long time then?,â you deadpanned.Â
âShit, guess so. Iâm sorry honey. Can you just hold on just a little longer? Please, weâre almost there. I promise that itâll be worth it.âÂ
Sighing, you nodded and grabbed the hand outstretched to you, allowing Joel to lead you the rest of the way. There were a few more stumbles, along with quite a few swears that were knocked loose when a branch nicked you or a root threatened to take you both down but finally, you made it. He turned as he led you out into the clearing, a nervous smile on his face as you took it all in.Â
âWhat dâya think?,â Joel asked.Â
âJoel, I donât even know what to say. This is - holy shit,â you breathed.Â
The first thing that caught your eye was the waterfall that pounded against the rocks, along with the deep swimming pole that rested twenty feet below, right next to where the trail ended. There was a moss-ridden rope swing hanging off of one of the many trees on the other side, swaying back and forth like it was begging to be used. You smiled, imagining a much younger version of Joel spending his summers swimming with his friends and fishing for trout. Everything was so rich and green, with pops of bright colors coming in the form of the perfectly placed flowers that sprinkled the usual foliage.Â
âWho planted the flowers?,â you mused, bending over to get a whiff of the marigolds.Â
âOur mama did. She did most of them before I was born, but I helped her with a patch or two when Tommy was still in diapers,â Joel said from behind you, his voice soft as he reminisced, âShe loved it here, we all did.â
There was something so intimate about being brought to a place that clearly held so much meaning to his family. It was like he was trying to show you a part of himself that he couldnât possibly explain with words. He had brought you to his parentâs place to show you the Joel Miller who had existed before he was a parent, before he had a past that weighed him down. The land on which you stood had been home to the boy who was carefree and young, not the man who everyone turned to. To be trusted with such a place was an honour that was not lost upon you. Â
âThis place is,â you cleared your throat, thankful that you were facing the water so that he couldnât see you wipe away tears, âThis place is amazing Joel, truly. I donât really know what to say except - thank you for bringing me here. I love it.âÂ
With that, you turned back towards him, shocked to find him no longer behind you. Instead, Joel was sitting on a blanket he had sprawled along the side of the rushing waters, looking a bit sheepish as your mouth popped open. There were wrapped sandwiches, fruit, juice boxes, and even a bag of chips laid out against the thick fabric. You stared at the feast, trying to understand why your heart was beating so hard that it shook your ribcage. It was just food and yet, as your eyes locked with Joelâs, it became clear that it was much more than that.Â
âHoly shit,â you gasped, but he was undeterred.Â
âI know that this is a bit backwards, especially with how we met but um, I thought we could have dinner?,â Joel proposed, starting to twitch as he continued, âI wasnât sure what you liked so I kept it simple but we could always go somewhere else if this wasnât - if you didnât want -â
âThis is - You want me t-,â you cut in, taking a shaky step closer, âJoel, is this a date? Did you bring me out here for a date?âÂ
âIf you donât w -â
The panic set in, ensuring that whatever Joel was about to say would be trampled by the word vomit that spewed out of your mouth.Â
â- Because you should really let a girl know if youâre going to take her on a date so that she can prepare properly. I didnât even shave my legs Joel! And the dress is just - ugh, why would you do this to me?,â you exclaimed, stomach turning as you looked down at your outfit.Â
Seconds ago it had been cute and sexy but with the term date hanging over you, it suddenly felt like you were wearing rags. Why didnât you try harder? An all out breakdown was on the way, your chest burning as you struggled to take in air. You tried to focus on the positive, on the fact that you now had indisputable evidence that Joel felt the same way but no matter how hard you tried, you couldnât figure out how to get your lungs to cooperate. In and out, thatâs all there was to it and yet just as you thought that you might collapse, Joelâs hands gripped the sides of your face and forced you to look up at him.Â
âHey, hey, look at me baby. Itâs okay, mâhere, just breathe,â Joel cooed, his face warped yet still beautiful in your blurred vision.
âI-Iâm sorry, I donât know why I-â
âShh, enough of that sweet girl. There ainât nothing to be sorry for, just breathe with me,â he murmured as one of his hands wandered down to wrap around your waist, the other one burying itself in your hair, âThatâs it, just like that.âÂ
The closer Joel pulled you, the easier it was to breathe and so you leaned into him with all of your might. The warmth radiating off of him trickled into you, soothing all of the nerves that made you shake and shiver every time you looked at the impromptu picnic. All it took was a couple seconds of breathing him in before you finally relaxed, too intoxicated by the weight of his hands on you and the smell of him to be terrified.Â
âListen to be honey,â he murmured, pulling back to look you in the eye, âI brought you here because itâs one of my favorite places and I figured that with all those plants youâve got in the front window, youâd probably like it too.â
âI do like it Joel, itâs just -â
âHush, just let me say something first. Then you can go back to freaking out, okay?,â he tried.Â
âOkay,â you whispered.Â
âThis is all I want tonight; just me and you enjoying this place. It doesnât have to be a date if you donât want it to be. All I want is to spend time with you, but we can leave if you donât like it. Youâre in control here baby,â Joel said earnestly as he pushed the stray hairs from your face. Â
Joel waited for a response, his face neutral despite the panic you knew he was undoubtedly drowning in. You had to hand it to him, the man had the patience of a saint. If it were you who had put yourself out of the line, you would be on the verge of a heart attack. Not that your current position was much better. The answer you wanted to give him was yet - Jesus fucking Christ yes please, oh my god - but you were stuck. There was so much you hadnât told him about your past, about the skeletons locked inside of your closet, but you werenât sure if you were ready to talk about it yet. Did Joel deserve a partner like that? And after everything you had been through, did you truly want to carry the guilt that would come from hurting a good man?Â
âBut, you donât know me. What if you get to know me andâŠ,â you stumbled on the words, trying to think of a way to make him understand your dilemma without divulging anything.Â
âSânot possible baby,â Joel said with a tormented look on his face, as if the very thought of disliking anything about you physically pained him.Â
Although you werenât sure that you believed him, your resistance was weak. Plus, Joel Miller was much more charming than he gave himself credit for.Â
âOkay and um⊠If I said that I did want it to be a date? What then?,â you asked.Â
âWell, then we should probably go sit down and eat then,â he said with a wry grin.Â
Was it fair? No, but Joel was kind and handsome, the complete opposite of the men in your life thus far. In the wake of your crumbling marriage and the embarrassment of having to start again, you decided that it was okay for you to be selfish for once. So you let Joel lead you back towards the blanket, smiling as he helped you sit down and took his spot at your side. He handed you one of the sandwiches and a juice box, grinning as he grabbed his own and began to unfold the wax paper. You did the same and although you were still wary of the situation, there was a small part of you that was elated.Â
The date served as concrete proof that you werenât completely insane, that Joel also felt the connection between you that only grew stronger with each passing day. He wanted you. No matter how terrible the future may be, or how badly he might take it when you finally opened up to him, in that moment you were wanted. As stupid as that small victory was, you decided to take the win and chomped down on the delicious sandwich that he had made for you.Â
âJesus Joel, this is good,â you hummed, reveling in the simple yet satisfying blend of flavours.Â
âItâs just a club,â Joel laughed, his voice muffled around the ginormous bite he had taken.Â
âMmm, I guess,â you granted him, âBut I suck at cooking so anything other than frozen food or take out is a godsend.âÂ
He raised his brows, unable to keep the edges of his mouth from turning downwards.Â
You sighed, âJust say it.â
âWhy the hell did we just buy nearly half the grocery store then?,â Joel chuckled, getting a playful shove from you in return.Â
âI said that I suck at cooking, not that I donât. A girlâs gotta eat something other than delivery or frozen pizza every so often,â you huffed, rolling your eyes at his grunt of disapproval, âBesides, I have a personal chef whenever Sarah comes over. That girl can make a mean stir fry.âÂ
âGuess Iâll have to come cook for ya too, canât have my girl eating garbage all the time just because she wonât buy a damn cook book,â he grumbled.Â
âIâd like that,â you whispered, his words not lost on you in the slightest.Â
Joel grinned at that, the longing in his eyes leaving you absolutely breathless. Warm pools of melted chocolate looked you up and down, a happy sigh coming from him in lieu of a verbal response. His shoulder bumped against yours, the light in his eyes still present even as you both went back to your sandwiches.Â
âSo, is this the part where Iâm supposed to tell you my favorite color?,â you asked after a while, not used to the silence between you.Â
He shrugged, âDunno, you can if you want to.âÂ
âOh come on, youâre telling me that Joel Miller - the resident DILF of all of the parent/teacher conferences in Austin - does not know how to small-talk on a first date?,â you teased.Â
Joelâs ears grew red, a bashful look on his face as he ran his fingers through his hair.Â
âI donât know what a DILF is, but no? To be honest with ya honey, I ainât been on a real date for a couple of years. Kinda flying by the seat of my pants right now,â he admitted.Â
âYears?,â you exclaimed, convinced that you were hearing him wrong, â
He shrugged, âI mean, Iâve gone on dates but nothing really comes of it. Work is always busy and Iâve got the girls. I donât like to bring the women I see around them, sânot right to introduce them to someone who doesnât plan on being around for long.âÂ
âBut Iâve met the girls,â you pointed out, unable to keep the satisfied smirk from your face.Â
He rolled his eyes, âYeah, but youâre different.âÂ
âWhyâs that?,â you chirped.Â
âBecause I actually like spending time with ya,â Joel responded, the truth of his words evident in the way he blushed and rubbed the back of his neck.Â
A small giggle fell from your lips, forcing you to clamp a hand over your mouth to keep it in. Joel chuckled along, looking bashful as you tried to get it together.Â
âWhat um⊠What about you darling? I bet youâve got a whole line of fellas trying to take ya out on the town,â he ventured.Â
It was like someone had dumped cold water over you, freezing all of your veins and numbing the tips of your fingers. The smile on your face vanished, along with the easy going vibe in the air. For a portion of a second, you had actually forgotten about the man you tried so hard not to name, the one that had yet to send the divorce papers that would close that chapter of your life for good.Â
It was Joel you felt bad for. He had put in so much effort for someone that was unfortunately, still legally married. How were you supposed to tell Joel about Peter? Would he understand or would he be livid? Fear prickled your skin the longer you stayed silent, spreading goosebumps all throughout your body as you imagined the worse. Although it seemed unlikely that Joel would yell at you, calling you a slut before he abandoned you in the middle of nowhere, you didnât trust him enough yet to completely discount the idea.  Â
âUm, no. I havenât been on a date in a couple years actually,â you admitted, bypassing the complicated backstory in exchange for a simpler response.Â
It wasnât technically a lie, Peter hadnât taken you out for anything even remotely resembling a date in years. To him, all of those work sponsored functions and snobby parties were the same thing, regardless of the fact that you hated them with a passion.
âHm, well⊠I guess weâre in the same boat then baby,â Joel said kindly, pressing his side into your in a way that both soothed and excited you.Â
âMmm hmm.âÂ
A silence fell over the two of you, nothing but the sounds of the wind, the birds, and the water as you both returned to the feast. After the awkward question, neither one of you felt the overwhelming urge to fill the silence but every so often, an off handed question would come up about favorite foods or music, the hobbies you had as a kid, or a spirited debate about whether pineapple deserved a spot on pizza or not. It was perfectly uncomplicated, a good introduction to what you hoped would be the first of many dates. Too bad you had your own awkward question that you had been dying to ask.Â
âJoel, can I ask you something?,â you ventured cautiously, not wanting to ruin the mood.Â
âCourse,â he answered around another humongous mouthful of food.Â
âI um⊠I know that you donât know anything about Ellieâs parents,â you began slowly, wincing as his eyes darkened, âBut what about Sarah? She clearly had a mom at some point, unless youâre telling me that two babies got left at your jobsite within the span of a few months.âÂ
Joel looked away from you for a moment, sighing as he watched the flies dance along top of the river. He didnât look angry, or particularly heart broken either, just unbelievably exhausted at the mere thought of having to speak about the mystery woman. You wondered why. Just one mention of her and the liveliness had drained from his eyes.Â
âSarahâs mom was my high school girlfriend, but we were on and off after we graduated,â Joel started, shaking his head as he continued, âIt was all very dramatic and young. We were always trying to make it work, but it was pointless. Her and I were complete opposites.âÂ
âOkay,â you said slowly, âBut what happened?â
âDuring one of our âonâ periods, I left to go do some shows in Houston. When I came back she was gone, but that was pretty usual for Marlene. She couldnât stay still for long and to be completely honest with ya, I wasnât much of a catch those days,â he sighed.Â
You snored, âI highly doubt that Joel.âÂ
âItâs true,â Joel confessed, waving off your attempts at comforting him, âSâalright sweetheart, Iâm a grown man now. I can admit that I was a piece of shit when I was nineteen, who isnât? I was a mess, I drank too much, and all I really cared about was playing music. Thatâs not the type of guy you fall for.âÂ
You nodded, not entirely understanding his predicament but empathizing nonetheless.Â
âAnyways, she left and I thought I was off the hook againâŠ,â he huffed, rubbing his face as he added, âEven started seeing someone new and then nine months later, boom! Marlene shows up to the house with a baby - my baby - I damn near had a stroke.â
A beat passed and you didnât move to fill the silence, giving Joel time to collect himself before he continued.Â
âWe got back together for a bit and it was okay. Sarah deserved stable parents, thatâs what we decided early on, but then she was born early and things got even more complicated. I couldnât even hold her for weeks and Marlene, sheâŠ,â Joel winced, trailing off as it became too much.Â
âItâs okay Joel,â you whispered as you reached out and squeezed his harm.Â
He gave you a sad smile and you nodded, wordlessly urging him to continue.Â
âThe fighting started again but this time it was so much worse. She kept pulling back and I just couldnât understand why,â he shook his head, âI shouldâve seen it coming, but I was too busy being scared. Then one day I came home and she was gone again. No note, not for me or for our little girl, nothing. I havenât seen her since.âÂ
The bitterness laced into Joelâs tone was nothing you had heard before but you didnât blame him. Abandoning him was one thing, but abandoning a sick infant without leaving so much as an explanation was something else altogether. You didnât want to judge Marlene too harshly, knowing all too well how much different being a mother was and how many women failed miserably when they fell into the role by accident. But it was hard not to, especially with how good natured you knew her ex partner to be, or how thoughtful the daughter that sheâd never know was. It might have been the right choice for her to leave, but that didnât mean her decision was harmless.Â
âIâm sorry Joel, that⊠Well, that fucking sucks,â you conceded, unable to think a more eloquent way of putting it.Â
Joel tipped his head back and laughed, the sound of it bouncing off of the trees. His whole body shook, the boisterous cackling only getting worse each time he tried to speak. It was only after the third attempt that he stopped trying altogether and let himself fall apart, which earned a few awkward giggles from you too as he let himself lose it.Â
âJesus, I ainât never had someone put it like that. That fucking sucks,â he repeated, cackling as he wiped the tears from his eyes, âPeople usually just apologize and change the subject. Youâre something else baby, you know that right?âÂ
âWhat can I say? I aim to impress,â you tried, relaxing as the sadness in his eyes faded away.
Joelâs eyes dragged across you for a moment, the lazy smile on his face as his laughter petered off. Even though the sun was still high in the sky, it was him that brightened up every aspect of your day. You blinked when he laid against the blanket and patted his side, beckoning you to come join him. A moment passed where you just stared at him, debating whether or not he was joking until a challenging look from him made you slide down to his level. The noise you let out when Joel pulled you into his side, adjusting you so that your head was resting against your chest, was mortifying but he didnât say a word. Instead you let him direct your attention upwards, to where the trees swayed and the golden rays peaked in through dense foliage.Â
âDo I get to ask a personal question now?,â he asked after a while, drawing soothing circles on your back.Â
âGo for it cowboy,â you mumbled, nuzzling his side as you let his proximity slowly draw you back into a terribly needed nap. Â
âWhat happened before you came here? I donât want to pry, but I figured that since weâre laying all of our cards on the table, nowâs as good a time as any,â he suggested.Â
That got your attention. Joel squeezed you a bit tighter when you tensed, using the effect he so clearly had on you to ease your worries. No matter how badly you wanted to pull away, to petulantly tell him off for asking before you fled from the forest like a wounded animal, you couldnât. His hands were magic, brushing over every inch of strained muscle in your back before they were forced to relax. He was gentle in his attentions, unendingly soft for you as you tried to open a door for him, and you hugged him harder in thanks. When all the fear had drifted away, you sighed, realizing that he was right. You would have to tell him something about yourself at some point.Â
âI found my husband of eight years fucking his research assistant in our bed but,â you sighed, pushing past the shame to admit, âEven before that, he had humiliated me for years. Then one day I woke up and I just couldnât do it anymore, so I left. I bought the first place I could find and then hauled ass the second that the coast was clear.âÂ
âWhat a fucking asshole,â Joel spat, the rage he felt practically vibrating under his skin.Â
There was some sick, twisted part of you that hoped Peter would have the balls to show his face in town. The thought of watching as Joel knocked him flat on his ass, just as he did to the last man that disrespected you, was embarrassingly attractive. It spoke to a darker, base instinct that screamed at you to climb the strongest, most caring protector like a tree.Â
âYeah well, I guess I got the last word anyways. He gets to try to save face with all of his snobby friends and I get my freedom,â you muttered as you tried to look on the bright side, âItâs not like I had much to leave behind anyways, I had no friends and the stuff in the apartment was his.âÂ
âTen years is a long time,â he remarked as his hand rubbed lazy circles onto your back.Â
Ten years was practically a lifetime, especially when you were locked in hell for the majority of it. That being said, you didnât want Joelâs pity, or anyone elseâs for that matter. Peter hadnât hurt you physically, but he had chipped away at your confidence and made it so that you couldnât perceive yourself without his approval. That sort of mind control took years to break and luckily, you had snapped out of it before you popped out one of his squalling babies. You took pride in that, in refusing to become the perfect little wife he wanted you to be. Peter had lost and despite the pain he had caused, you were stronger for it.Â
âIt is, but Iâm,â you stopped, propping yourself so you could look him in the eye as you added, âIâm free now Joel. I left him with everything - the apartment, the cars, the money. Hell, I even left all of the jewelry he had bought me. Peter can take everything, just so long as he signs.âÂ
âWait, he hasnât signed the divorce papers yet?,â he asked, a line forming between his brows.Â
A jolt of fear rushed through you at the concern in Joelâs voice. You hadnât meant to say that, it just popped out. Unsure of what he was going to say, you nodded back to him, too scared to fully explain the situation. No matter what any legal system said, as far as you were concerned, Peter was not your husband anymore. He had betrayed you time and time again, breaking his vows to you for who knows how long. How could a man like that possibly be your spouse?Â
âFor fuckâs sake,â Joel sighed, his tone making you tense for a split second before he added, âAt this point, itâs the least that the asshole can do. Want me to talk to him?
A surprised laugh spilled from your lips, pushing out all fears about the past being an issue in an instant. Joel cocked one of his eyebrows at you as you cackled, entirely serious about the ominous threat against your ex.Â
âWhat? Iâm serious honey. I could make it sign it,â he solemnly swore.Â
âOh I donât doubt it Miller,â you granted him, smiling down at your ridiculous saviour, âBut Iâve got it handled. Peter doesnât scare me anymore, heâs just a miserable asshole.âÂ
âIâm sorry, you deserve better than that baby, so much better,â Joel said after a bit, eyes blazing with an intensity that made you ache.Â
âI know that now,â you agreed, smiling at him despite everything, âFeel like running away yet Miller? I probably should have told you all of that before I agreed to this but saying that Iâm a soon-to-be divorcee doesnât exactly sound very sexy.â
âNah, I donât scare easy,â Joel chuckled and shook his head, âAnd divorcee? Please, Iâm a single dad of two teenage girls. That ainât nothin.âÂ
âWeâre a good match then I guess,â you giggled, the weight of the world lifted from your chest with that simple assurance.Â
Joel didnât care about your past, nor did he get angry with you for not telling him about the divorce papers he had yet to sign. By all accounts that was a win and it deserved a celebration. You leaned back down, melting against him once more so that you could watch the trees sway. With a full belly and the weight of the world off your shoulders, you both relaxed a little easier. A layer of sweat soon formed between the two of you, the warmth of the day slowly becoming stifling. Neither of you moved, unwilling to break the contact that you both desperately needed despite the heat. The longer you laid together, the hotter it became, until an idea suddenly popped into your head.Â
âWe should go swimming,â you piped up, making him jolt as you sat up.Â
âWhat? We canât sweetheart, I donât uh⊠I didnât bring anything for us to wear,â Joel said slowly, the confusion clear on his face as you started taking off your shoes.Â
You shrugged, âPretty sure youâve got a pair of underpants on that work just fine if you need them that bad.âÂ
Before Joel could answer, you stood up and tugged at the dress, letting it fall to the ground so you could step out of it. The panties you wore were red and satiny, with tiny strips of lace around the edges that scratched at your sensitive skin. They were certainly not the looser, more comfortable pair you had worn to the grocery store, and you thanked your past self for thinking ahead. Your breasts were bare, bra long since forgotten at home in order to make the bust of your dress work. A pinched groan came from behind you and you grinned, taking your sweet time as you turned towards him. Joelâs mouth fell open as he caught sight of your bare chest, his usual scowl quickly morphing into pure shock.Â
âW-What are you doing baby? You donât um - you donât have onâŠ,â he trailed off, his voice unusually high as you toyed with the edge of your panties.Â
âI canât wear a bra in the dress or the straps will show. Why? Do you want me to put it back on?,â you asked with a cheeky grin. Â
The power you felt from watching Joel shake his head, floundering as your thumbs hooked into the lace edges, was addictive. His throat bobbed around an audible gulp and you could tell he was struggling to form words. Nobody had ever gazed upon you so reverently, so ravenously, and it filled you with pride. With him looking at you like you were a goddess, licking his lips as he scrutinized every inch of you, shame had no leg to stand on. His gaze made you feel sexy and confident, which was why you pushed all reservations aside and let the last bit of satiny fabric fall to the ground.Â
âSweet Jesus,â Joel whispered, his fists clenching and unclenching the blanket below him.Â
âCâmon Miller, donât act like you havenât seen it all before. Now get up and letâs go swimming,â you urged him, giving him a wink as you turned and rushed towards the water, âUnless youâre chicken!âÂ
The cold water welcomed you, acting as the perfect balm to your overheated skin. All of the heat that had built up since that morning was leached from your body, bubbles bursting from your mouth as you sighed in relief from the bottom of the pool. You blinked up at the surface, allowing your feet to dig into the mud a second longer to enjoy the silence. A small part of you wanted to remain at the bottom, allowing yourself to enjoy the cold and the quiet, but you decided against it. Being yanked out of the water by Joel because he thought you were drowning didnât exactly scream sexy. With that realization, you released the stale air in your lungs, pushing off the bottom and as you swam to the surface.Â
Coming up felt like being reborn, with all of the sweat and the worries being washed clean from your sticky skin the second your head breached the surface. Given the heavy talk the two of you just had, you wanted nothing more than for Joel to experience it too. However, as you caught a glimpse of him still on the shore, his shirt and pants off but his hands hesitantly resting on the waistband of his boxers, you could see the reservations he had.Â
âAre you gonna make me swim all by myself?,â you called out, smiling as he rolled his eyes at you.Â
He sighed and shook his head, âIâm coming baby, I just uh⊠I donât⊠Do you want me toâŠ?â
The things that you would do to have Joel pull those thin boxer shorts down were unimaginable, not that you needed him to really. Even from where you were, the outline alone was impressive and if that didnât make you want to start begging for it, the man himself was built like a Greek god. He was pure muscle, with even the softest parts of him blessed with an undeniable strength hiding underneath. A smattering of chest hair caught your attention, along with an equally enticing trail below his belly button that begged to be traced with your tongue. You shook your head, banishing all of the filthy thoughts about him that plagued you. If Joel was feeling uncomfortable, that needed to be addressed before your shameless lust.Â
âJoel, you donât have to do anything you donât want to do. Keep them on if it makes you more comfortable but just know,â you narrowed your eyes, shifting into a playful tone that caught his attention, âI can see him anyways, so it really doesnât make a difference.âÂ
Joelâs mouth fell open, his gaze snapping downwards so he could see for himself. The redness on his ears crept down his neck, flooding his face as he realized how exposed he was. He moved to cup himself but then stopped, the gears in his head turning as he weighed his options.Â
âFuck it,â Joel muttered as he ripped the shorts clean off his legs.Â
A pleased smile graced your lips as the grey fabric hit the ground, a dull ache starting between your thighs with Joelâs entire body on complete display. Immediately your sights zeroed in on his most intimate area. Even soft, Joelâs dick was impressive; long and thick, with a slight curve to it that you knew would rub against all the right places. The veins on the side of it were prominent, with a trimmed bush at the bottom that surprised you. For some reason, you had envisioned him as an undiscovered forest type of guy but with some of the foliage cleared, the possibilities were endless.Â
âQuit staring at it honey,â Joel chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck as you continued to blatantly stare at his cock.Â
How were you supposed to do that when he was walking towards the waterâs edge, his cock bouncing against his leg with every step? It was practically waving at you.Â
âHmmm, just making things even Miller. Pretty sure you stared at my tits for a full five minutes the first time we went,â you purred.Â
âIâm just a man darling. Yâcant expect me to look away when Iâve got such a pretty little thing buck naked in front of me, not even trying to pick up her damn towel,â he shot back huskily.Â
You didnât answer, just let out a hum as your eyes pulled away from his crotch to take in Joel in his entirety. He looked like a painting of some sort, gloriously naked and surrounded by nothing but vibrant foliage, the sun beaming down on him in a way that made his skin glow. Although you had never been one for photography, you suddenly wished that you had a camera so that you could capture him in that moment - if anything just to show him how beautiful he was.Â
âI canât believe youâve got me doing this shit. Too old to be skinny dipping,â he grumbled half heartedly, rubbing at the stubble along his jaw.Â
âOh come on, donât be such a pussy Joel. Jump!,â you hollered, kicking your feet until water splashed the lower half of him.Â
A pinched groan came from Joel, along with a downright theatrical eye roll, but it worked. He leapt forward, crashing into the water and sending a massive wave your way. A wall of water slammed into your face, nearly pulling you under from the sheer force of it, but you just barely managed to keep your head up. That is, until a hand gripped your calf and dragged you under.Â
A startled scream was lost under the surface, along with a half assed punch at the assailant who had already released you and swam away. You tried to go after him but the water slowed you down, forcing you to come up for air so that you didnât drown.Â
âWhat the hell? You scared the shit out of me, you asshole,â you cried out as you reached the surface, faltering when you caught his playful grin.Â
âAw sweet girl, did I scare ya?,â Joel cooed, drifting closer towards you so he could stand.Â
You rolled your eyes, âShut up.â
Joel laughed and so did you, eyes locked as you both floated closer together. He was like a magnet, drawing you in with his big brown eyes and the way they kept flicking down to your lips. The fact that he was naked was of little concern to you. All you could focus on was the shiver that went up your spine as he stepped further into your space.Â
âCâmere,â Joel mumbled, beckoning you closer with an outstretched hand.Â
There was no hesitation when you took it, just a happy little sigh as he held you up, allowing you to relax and stop treading water. Joel guided your hands to rest on his shoulders, allowing you to use him like a buoy as his frame held strong against the gentle current. He dropped his hands back into the water once you were secure, the only point of contact being you clutching his shoulders, although you could sense his restraint getting shakier by the second. All he needed was a push.Â
Joelâs nostrils flared as you wrapped your legs around his waist, greedily anchoring yourself to the front of him. His cock pressed into your weeping slit and you gasped, feeling every inch of him against you. He grunted, twitching to life between your thighs as he tried to still your swaying hips.Â
âShit, I donât think ya wanna do that darling. Ha - fuck - youâre gonna make me- ,â he cussed, gritting his teeth so hard that you felt the muscles jump under your palms as you cupped his face.Â
âI think that itâs exactly what I wanna do cowboy,â you whispered, leaning in so you could press a line of kisses up the side of his neck, âUnless you want to make a move for once. So far, itâs just been me.â
It was like you had triggered an activation code in a sleeper agent. Joelâs entire demeanor shifted, the grip on your hips getting tighter as he dug his fingers into the fat. A tiny heartbeat warmed the space between your legs, forcing you to worry the skin along the underside of his jaw a bit harder to keep from moaning out loud. He hissed as your teeth dug into his skin, one of his hands coming up to dig into your hair and yank you backwards. You blinked at him, the feeling of his skin against yours making you dizzy.Â
âPretty girl,â Joel cooed. Â
The way he brushed his nose against yours, his lips inches from yours, cracked your rib cage wide open. Your heart was bare, throbbing in the open air alongside your desperate cunt. With all higher thinking turned off, you leaned even closer, trying to chase Joelâs lips as they eluded you.Â
âMâgonna kiss ya now baby, sâthat alright?,â he breathed, his eyes never once leaving yours.Â
A shaky nod was the best you could do as your entire being thrummed with desire, every piece of you begging for him to do something, anything that might help with the fire raging deep inside of your belly.Â
Joel chuckled, âWords darling, need to hear ya say it.âÂ
âKiss me Joel,â you sighed, eyes already fluttering to a close as he leaned in.Â
The second your eyes closed, Joelâs lips were on yours, soft and sweet despite the urgency you knew was hiding underneath. A strangled groan rumbled in his chest as you tugged on his hair, his hips jumping up into yours. He was gentle at first, almost like he was testing the waters before he allowed himself to let go, but you wouldnât have it. A shudder went through him as you nipped at his bottom lip, silently asking for entry that he happily accepted. The second that you first tasted each other, the pace quickened, with both of your tongues battling it out for dominance as hands began to wander over exposed flesh. His free hand left your hair, running down the side of your neck, across your clavicle, before drifting down to cup one of your breasts.Â
âJoel,â you gasped, breaking away as his thumb played with your hardened nipple.Â
âSo sensitive,â he murmured against your neck, brushing his lips down the side of it before he found the perfect spot to bite down on.Â
The sting forced a broken and desperate wail from you, making Joelâs cock jump as you wiggled against him. He grunted as you squirmed, your movements causing him to slide between your folds just right. The underside of his dick pushed through the wetness there, gliding up until the tip nudged your clit. Another pathetic sound spilled from your lips, breaking through the last bit of his patience one and for all. His hands traveled down and gripped your asscheeks, starting a filthy grind that had you keening into his ear in seconds.Â
âO-oh my fuck, yes,â you whimpered, mind spinning as his stubble chafed the raw skin along the side of your neck and his tip teased your throbbing clit.Â
âYeah? Is that the spot baby? Fuck, I can feel her trying to suck me in shi-it,â Joel groaned as he ground his hips into yours ever harder, making sure that the tip of his cock passed over your drenched entrance with every stroke. Â
âPlease, please, please,â you begged, desperate tears forming in the corners of your eyes.Â
âSuch a needy little thing, arenât ya honey?,â he drawled, his words turning you into putty.Â
The devilish grin Joel gave you had the tears spilling over instantly, yet another shamelessly obscene noise echoing throughout the trees in lieu of a response. The grip on your ass tightened, the sting only adding to the pleasure building in your gut. You hoped that his fingers would leave thick bruises for you to admire later, proof that you hadnât dreamt the steamy encounter. But before you could dwell on that for too long, a particularly brutal bite to your breast made you cry out, his tongue running over the indents in a way that made you buck in his hold.Â
âAsked ya a question baby,â Joel reminded you, his tongue laving over the angry indents that his teeth had left behind.Â
âYes!,â you practically shouted, eyes rolling in their sockets as his cock continued to rub against your swollen clit, âNeedy - mmmmm, fuck - I need it, need you.âÂ
He chuckled darkly, all of the usual kindness in his eyes gone as he murmured, âI know you are sweetheart, but I wanna see you cum just like this. Such a good girl grinding up against me like this, so damn perfect fâme baby. Câmon, work for my cock.âÂ
Your jaw dropped, a shock running through your body in response to his words. Joel was always so soft and sweet with you, a gentle giant that looked after you at every turn. And yet, the filth that came out of him was like nothing you had ever heard. Whimpering his name, you tore at the curls around the base of his neck, crying out as you tried your best to match his teasing thrusts.Â
Joel grunted when you smashed your lips against his, trying to muffle some of the lewd praises he was drawing out of you. The kiss was nothing more than a mix of tongues and teeth as the fire in your belly burned brighter and brighter, your pussy oozing slick that only added to his shameless grinding. A strangled cry was swallowed by Joel as he picked up the pace, beginning to rut against you like an animal. He was so close to the place you really wanted him. One little slip and he would be pushing inside, forcing you to stretch around him so that he could bottom out all in one go.Â
The rest of the world fell away, all you could focus on was Joelâs cock in between your folds. You wanted him to slip inside, to numb your mind with his girthy cock, to slam into you like a madman until you started speaking in tongues, but he had other ideas. Instead of tearing you apart like you wanted, he continued to tease, building the both of you up without ever once pressing into your entrance. What made it worse was that you knew he wanted to, you felt it in the way his cock jumped with every glide, angrily begging him to let go of all his reservations and fuck the shit out of you. But for whatever reason, he wouldnât take that final step.Â
âC-Cock, I want, I need - shit - Need your cock please! F-Fuck, please fuck me Joel. I need it, need you inside,â you stammered as you pulled away from the kiss.Â
Joelâs hand reached up to grasp the hands at the base of your skull, wrenching your head back so hard that you hissed. He smiled as he felt you wiggle against him, pussy throbbing from the sting.Â
âYouâve already got it baby,â he pointed out, brows pinching together as you whined at him in response.Â
âNo, no, no, no,â you sobbed, all higher thinking gone in the wind, âInside pleeeease, f-fuck.âÂ
Joelâs hand wrenched your head even further backwards, drawing a heartbreaking wail from you. The blurriness in your eyes dissipated as you blinked away tears and suddenly, he was all you could see. He looked absolutely wrecked with the highs of his cheekbones reddened, his lips swollen, and his eyes heavy on yours.Â
âListen to me,â Joel commanded, his clipped tone breaking through the fog in your brain instantly, âI ainât gonna fuck ya out in the woods like youâre some kind of hook up. You deserve better than that baby, do you understand me?âÂ
Fresh tears dotted your waterline but you blinked them away, needing to see the awe inspiring devotion that was embedded in every inch of Joelâs face. All of the air in your lungs wooshed out of you, the excited little flip that your tummy gave only adding to the urgency building up inside of you. His nose bumped against yours again, the gentle kiss he gave you in sharp contrast to the depraved way his hips rutted against yours underneath the surface of the water.Â
âDo. You. Under. Stand. Me?,â he grunted, driving his point home with five mind breaking strokes.Â
âY-Yes Joel,â you whimpered, quick to answer so that you didnât get another set of teeth marks dug into your other breast, âI-I understand - fuck, please just let me cum. I wanna cum baby, please. I canât - shit!âÂ
âGood fucking girl, of course you can cum. Want to feel her gush baby,â he ordered, a shit eating grin on his face as leaned in and sank his teeth into the sensitive patch of skin beneath your jaw.Â
A garbled shout broke free, echoing in the open air and undoubtedly scaring off any birds within a thirty mile radius. The pain of the bite sent sparks of pain/pleasure dancing down your spine, igniting the powder keg that had you shaking against him as the pressure in your abdomen exploded. One particularly sharp thrust and you were flying, crying out for Joel as your pussy clenched around nothing. He groaned but kept up his pace, pistoning away as you lost your vision and dissolved into a puddle of pleasure induced tears.Â
âThatâs it, such a good girl for me, so pretty and sweet. Aw, that poor pussy needed that didnât she? I bet sheâs been crying for me,â Joel cooed, starting to pant as his own release neared.Â
His cock twitched hard, knocking him off of his rhythm for a few strokes as he continued to wring as much pleasure from your still spasming core as he could. He was struggling to hold on, selflessly keeping his own release at bay to see yours through, but you were too greedy to wait. Before the last bit of your orgasm had petered off you were gripping his hair again, tilting his head so that you could tease him with a line of open mouthed kisses and sharp nips to his neck. Joel wheezed, muttering angry sounding compliments under his breath as he got even closer. Â
âMmmm, want you to cum Joel,â you whined, leaving him another love bite that would undoubtedly bruise, âPlease? Iâve been so good for you and I wanna feel it. Donât you want to cum for me baby?â
He groaned, âGod fucking dammit baby, yes. Mâgonna give it to ya, take it, take it, take it - fuuuuck.âÂ
Joel let out a muffled groan that sounded vaguely like your name as he exploded, his cum warming your folds momentarily before it was washed away beneath the water. He kept going for as long as he could, prolonging both of your releases until it became too much for him. When his hips finally slowed to a halt , you sighed, reveling in the feeling of his warm breath washing over your face. As you came down from your high, Joelâs lips found every angry bruise he had left on your neck and chest, brushing over them with a quiet reverence that was hard to pass off as casual. The attention to the marks he had made was gentle, with each kiss like a wordless thanks and a promise of more to come.Â
You let out a contented sigh, wrapping your arms around Joelâs neck and burrowing your face into the crook of his neck so that you could breathe him in. It wasnât fair how good he always smelled, so clean and spicy, with just a hint of something natural that was all him. It was enough to make you dizzy. You were so entirely addicted to Joel that the feeling of him readjusting his hold on you made you whimper and wrap yourself around him like a python, terrified that he might let go. He had peeled back the steel wall you had built up around yourself, leaving you much too vulnerable to be left alone anytime soon.Â
âShhh, none of that honey. Iâm just getting ya out of the water before you freeze to death. Relax, I ainât gonna ya let go,â he assured you, his mustache tickling the shell of your ear as he started towards the shore.Â
âMâtoo heavy,â you mumbled sleepily.  Â
Not that your protest mattered. With how hard you had just came, your legs were pretty much just for show. You didnât even want to think of how pathetic any attempt at walking would be.Â
Joel snorted, âAnd yet here I am, carrying ya just fine baby. Just let me take care of ya for a sec, then you can go back to being tough mâkay?âÂ
âFine,â you sighed, much too tired to argue with him.Â
All of the fight in you had drifted away, soothed by the feeling of Joelâs cock sliding against you until you burst. With a full belly, a temporarily satisfied pussy, and only a few hours of sleep under your belt, you slumped into him, sighing as your body relaxed fully for the first time in weeks. He let you do it, pressing a small kiss to the side of your head as you allowed his rhythmic movements to lull you into a state somewhere between awake and asleep. You barely noticed when he pulled you both from the water, only coming to when a smattering of kisses was suddenly being laid all over your face.Â
âMmm?,â you hummed, blinking up at him with a lazy smile on your face.Â
The blanket was beneath you, the soft fabric protecting you from the dry dirt below. Joelâs body was draped over yours, the warmth of it scaring away the chill that threatened to take hold with each gust of wind. You clung to him, caressing his toned arms before smoothing them down the contours of his back. His muscles flexed underneath your palms, tensing and untensing as he dropped down onto his elbows to get a little closer.Â
âGod, youâre so fucking beautiful,â he mused, eyes bright as he cupped the side of your face.Â
You nuzzled his palm, pressing a kiss to it that softened all of Joelâs features. He melted under the simple action, his brows pinched together as he leaned down to capture your lips in a kiss. It was different from the kisses the two of you had shared just moments before, more tender and affectionate, but no less incredible. There was no urgency to it anymore, just the tender need to explore each other as the afternoon began to fade into evening. At one point Joel tried to pull away to say something but you swiftly drew him back in, smiling into it like a lovestruck teen. Nevertheless, it was you that eventually pulled away, utterly heartbroken that you had to take time to breathe.Â
âJoel,â you sighed.
What you felt was big, but you were unsure how to articulate it without scaring him away.Â
âI know darling, I know,â Joel answered quietly as his big hands worshiped every inch of bare skin exposed.Â
The air between the two of you was electric, forcing you together like magnets. His weight overtop of you was heavy but you didnât mind. It grounded you, he grounded you in a way that nobody ever had. Joel didnât push you to be anything except yourself, nor did he hold back his own yearning for the sake of some sort of tough guy act. Why would he? He wasnât insecure in his masculinity, his strength was clear in everything he did, along with his kindness.Â
The two of you stayed like that for some time, melded together as the dampness on your bodies slowly evaporated. You wanted to remain in the woods with Joel forever, using him like a weighted blanket as his lips continued to map out every inch of your skin. Nevertheless, as the sun began to tease the tops of the trees, signaling its intentions to set for the night, it became painstakingly clear that your time with him was running out.Â
Joel helped you up when it was time to go, handing you the rumpled dress with a sheepish look on his face. You rolled your eyes and took it from him, amused at how easily it was to make him squirm. Not that you were any different, as you soon found yourself sneaking peeks while he pulled his own clothes back on. He moved to pack up the bag after that, making sure to take all the garbage before closing it up, but you had bigger fish to fry.Â
The panties you had worn were gone, the red fabric seemingly nowhere to be found despite the fact that you knew exactly where you had dropped them. You surveyed the area, looking in the bushes, in the reeds, in the hibiscus plants that grew near the edge of the swimming hole, but nothing came of it. With a frustrated sigh, you threw your hands up in the air and cursed, convinced that they had somehow been blown into the rushing waters.Â
âWhatâs wrong baby?,â Joel called out, slinging the bag over his shoulder as you turned towards him.Â
âI canât find my stupid panties anywhere,â you sighed.Â
âOh um,â he blushed, reaching into his back pocket to produce the tiny red panties you had worn with him in mind, âHere ya go, sorry âbout that.âÂ
You balked, eyes bulging from their sockets as you saw Joelâs hand holding out the dainty fabric. There was only one reason he would have taken them for and the thought of it made you weak, especially when you remembered that you already had a pair left hanging to dry in his bathroom from the night before. You imagined him sprawled out on his bed after you left, lazily tugging on his cock with one hand while the other shoved your used panties into his face. It was an absolutely depraved thought and you were suddenly compelled to make it a reality.Â
âNo, keep them for now. Just give me my other pair back so I can wash them. That way you can get them all nice and dirty for me again,â you replied, leaving him with a wink before slinking towards the trail.Â
âGonna give me a damn heart attack baby,â you heard him say under his breath, followed by a curse and a set of heavy footsteps stumbling after you.Â
Joel caught up to you easily, remaining close so that he could try to hold back as many branches as he could. The walk back was easier than the way in, with the two of you maneuvering around the overgrown parts with more ease than before. It was crazy how much one orgasm could change things, as the two of you practically floated back to the truck with sluggish limbs and happy smiles. He kissed you again after he helped you into the truck, leaving you breathless before he carefully shut the passengerâs side door and raced over to the driverâs seat.Â
The second Joel was in the truck, you slid across the bench again, greedily melding yourself against his side. He lifted his arm, a blissed out look on his face as he nuzzled the top of your head and veered back onto the dirt road. With the dying sun in the rearview mirror, along with a sappy old love song crackling through the ancient radio, you felt balanced. As you listened to Joel mumble along, you closed your eyes, allowing his soft voice to lead you into a dreamless sleep.Â
- Joel -
Joel wasnât sure what to do. There you were, curled into his side like a kitten as you slept and yet, he knew that couldnât stay parked in your driveway all night. He had work the next morning and so did you, plus he had two kids that he had to make sure were safe in their beds for the night. But how could Joel wake you? How could he watch you walk into your own home, leaving him behind on the porch as you had the previous night? He couldnât but he had to, so he sighed and softly shook your shoulders.Â
âTime to wake up sweetheart, weâre home,â he said softly, chuckling at the noise of protest you let out as you roused.Â
The way you looked up at him, rubbing the sleep from your eyes with a cute little frown on your face, would have knocked Joel over if he had been standing. An indecent proposal was on the tip of his lips, threatening to tumble out and ruin everything, but he kept it in. Just because you had been gracious enough to let him see and touch you, like a goddess granting her humble servant a glimpse at her divine nature for pleasing her, didnât mean that you wanted him dragging you into his bed. He needed to be realistic, it was a Sunday and you were likely just as exhausted as him.Â
âMmm, I donât want you to go,â you mumbled, voice muffled as you squeezed him tight.Â
Joel chuckled, âAnd I donât wanna leave ya honey, but weâve both got work in the morning.âÂ
A petulant sight came from you as you sat up, regarding him with a wary eyes.Â
âSo why donât you stay?,â you proposed.Â
He blinked, surprised that it had been you and not him that had broken first.Â
âWell I uh -âÂ
âShit, forget it. I didnât mean to put you on the spot Joel, I just havenât been sleeping well lately and I thought that maybe if you - mmfph.âÂ
Joel cut you off, crashing his mouth into yours to halt your nervous babbling. Of course he wanted to stay the night with you. The thought of wrapping himself around you, of gluing himself to you as you both dreamt, was too good to pass up but he had other responsibilities. However, that didnât mean that a compromise couldnât be made. He pulled away once he felt you relax a bit, chuckling as your lips tried to chase his.Â
âStay at my house tonight instead,â Joel said, the question more of a statement than anything else.Â
You scoffed, âWhatâs wrong with mine?âÂ
âNothing baby, but Iâve gotta make sure the girls are in. Theyâre pretty self sufficient these days but theyâre still kids, canât just let âem roam the streets ya know?,â he joked.Â
Although the sneaking out hadnât started yet, with how often Ellie disappeared to go hang out with her girlfriend, or how social Sarah was, Joel knew that the day was coming. It was a natural phenomenon, something every kid did when they were learning to stand apart from their parents but until that day, he would continue with the nightly bed checks he had been doing since they were babies.Â
âAre you sure? I wouldnât want to intrude if youâve gotta get them ready for bed or something,â you said.Â
âHoney, theyâre both fourteen years old. Iâm pretty sure they can figure out how to tuck themselves in these days, I just gotta make sure theyâre home safe. I wonât um,â Joel stopped, cheeks turning blotchy and red as he added, âI wonât be able to sleep if I donât check on âem.âÂ
âJoel Miller, the big softie,â you teased affectionately, nodding at him as you fumbled for the door, âCâmon then handsome, take me home. Iâm fucking exhausted.âÂ
Joel smiled and hopped out of the truck, deciding to leave the rest of the picnic stuff in the truck for the night. He helped you out, grabbing your hand as he led you towards the door. Too excited to take the length of his legs into account, Joel dragged you across the street, pulse quickening as he caught the dopey look on your face as you stumbled along. He ushered you into the house, thankful that the girls were nowhere to be seen so far. The last thing he needed was for them to point out all of the hickeys he had mindlessly left over your neck and chest, or the ones you had so kindly bestowed upon him.Â
âI feel like weâre teens sneaking in after curfew,â you whispered as the two of you quietly climbed the stairs, careful not to wake the girls.Â
âBetter be quiet then, wouldnât want ya to get grounded,â Joel teased, chuckling at your muted groan over his corny joke.Â
âRidiculous,â you mumbled, though you never once moved to let go of his hand.Â
Somehow Joel managed to get you into his room without alerting either of his nosy teens, which he thanked every single higher being for. After shutting the door, he led you to the bathroom first, giving you a spare toothbrush and a quick kiss on the cheek before he left to get you something comfy to wear for bed. He settled on one of his softer T-shirts and a pair of boxers he had gotten as a gag gift, the flaming on the hearts on them much too bold for him to ever wear himself.Â
Joel left the change of clothes on the bed, his steps lively as he slipped back out into the hall. He checked on Sarah first, knowing that she was the most likely of the two to be asleep before eleven p.m. A curled up ball stuck out from under her sheets, with nothing but her silk bonnet peeking out as she mumbled in her sleep. He smiled, carefully easing her door shut before he tiptoed down the hall to check on his other daughter.Â
The television in Ellieâs room was still on, playing one of the many science fiction series she was addicted to at a volume that was, quite frankly, disturbing. Meanwhile the kid herself was gone to the world, conked out with her face buried into her pillow. Joel chuckled and eased himself into the room, finding her remote so that he could shut off the horrendous alien induced violence that Ellie was so blissfully snoozing to. He left the remote on top of her television, giving her one last look before he shut the door and ventured down the hall.Â
With both the girls accounted for, Joelâs thoughts shifted back to you. His heart fluttered as he headed towards his room, a giddiness taking hold that shocked him. You made him so delightfully stupid, so blindly enraptured that he was surprised the two of you had gotten anything done that day at all. Still, nothing could have prepared him with the sight of you when Joel walked in. You were wearing his shirt, laying in his bed as you turned over to greet him with a sleepy smile. He almost fell to his knees.Â
âTook ya long enough,â you croaked, eyelids already fluttering as you graciously fought against sleep for him.Â
âMâsorry honey, I just -â
âShhh, nothing to be sorry for. Just come to bed baby, I miss you,â you yawned, gesturing to the empty space beside you.Â
Joel swallowed hard, the term of endearment not lost on him as he allowed himself to be pulled in by something inside of him that screamed at him to make you his. Baby. You had called him baby again. If that wasnât enough to get him to join you, nothing was. He ditched his shirt and pants without another word, sliding into the cool sheets with a small groan as all of the strain of the day melted away.Â
Joel didnât waste any time after he slipped into the sheets and scooched over to your side, pressing himself into you. You reached back after a moment, grabbing his arm so you could wrap it around yourself. He grinned and snuggled a bit closer, allowing himself to hold you in his arms like he wanted to, like you were already his.Â
âGood night Joel,â you mumbled, pressing a sweet kiss on his arm before you laid your head back against the pillow.Â
âGânight darling, sleep well,â he sighed, answering your kiss with a peck on the shoulder.Â
Not that you heard him, you were already fast asleep before Joel had even finished talking. He smiled, sighing as he trapped you against him. It had been some time since he had a woman sleep in his bed. Most of his hook ups since the girls were born had been quick and dirty meetups outside of the home, each of them leaving the other side of his bed cold for yet another night, but you were different.Â
If Joel had it his way, you would be a permanent fixture in his bedroom, sharing warmth and synchronizing your breaths to his as the night passed. He imagined what the mornings might be like; if you would be an early riser like him or if he would have to come find you after his morning coffee. Would you giggle as he laid sweet kisses all over your face, greeting him with one of the most precious smiles he had ever seen? Or would you groan and bury your head under the pillow, grumbling curses until he brought your attention to the ridiculously sugary coffee he had placed on your bedside table? Your bedside table. Â
Joel groaned, trying not to get ahead of himself despite the excitement that threatened to take hold of the more rational parts of his mind, but it was nearly impossible. He had been alone, in one way another, for the past thirty four years. Of course he had his girls, he had Tommy, but it wasnât the same. With them he had to be strong - a father, an older brother - someone who they could depend on to carry all of their burdens. They couldnât fill that secret part of him that longed to be soft, to be broken from time to time without judgement, to hold and be held like he was the fragile one when he needed it.Â
With you, Joel saw the first opportunity for someone to actually know him in that way. Which was why as the night went on, he found himself wide awake, too excited to let himself fall into the peaceful sleep he ached to join you in. Nevertheless as he watched the sun begin to peak through the trees in the backyard, signaling the new day to come, he allowed himself to truly enjoy the last few seconds before the alarm clock would go off, already dreading the thought of letting you go.Â
Joel Miller has been called many things in his life, but a party planner has never been one of them. However, with how things had been left between the two of you after your disastrous date night, the pressure is on. Meanwhile, across the street, the forces of life seem to be working against you, as a letter in the mail and a broken AC nearly convince you to call the whole thing off. Nevertheless, the show must go on and with sweat running down your back, you venture over to the house across the street in hopes that some socialization might distract you from the past.
Warnings: NoOutbreak!Joel Miller/Reader, Sarah and Ellie as siblings, Neighbour!Joel, The Miller Girls as Wingmen for Both Reader and Joel, Tommy Is a Little Shit, Angst and Tooth Rotting Fluff, Both Reader and Joel Want Each Other So Bad, Pining, Soft!Joel, Mentions of Past Relationship/Abuse (read with caution), Mentions of Imbalance of Power in Past Relationships (read with caution x 2).
A/N:
Hey y'all, welcome back! This chapter is a bit long but like my username suggests, it's the first week back after the break and I'm running from my responsibilities rn lol.
This chapter starts off from Joel's perspective and shows where he's at after everything that went down in chapter one. We also learn more about reader's past, particularly the ex that she is trying super hard not to think about. It does give some perspective as to why she is hesitant to start anything with Joel but also, we can see her struggling with that because they are both down bad. A bit of a warning for some of the memories reader goes through pertaining to her ex. No physical violence, but he definitly took advantage of her as her professor and was emotionally abusive. If that is something you are uncomfortable with, please take care of yourself and do not read. You could always message me for a sparknotes version of the chapter if you don't want to miss out.
Either way, don't worry, there is loads of angsty fluff and pining as well. These two want to fuck each other so bad in this chapter that it hurts lol. Enjoy! <3
Chapter 2/10
Chapter 2: The Barbecue
The chips were set out, the drinks buried in tubs of ice, plates of meat and veggies waiting in the fridge for their turn on the grill, yet he couldnât stop pacing. The moment that the sunrise had peeked through his blinds that morning, Joel Miller had been up and running. He knew he was being ridiculous. Despite his hectic schedule and two teens, the Miller home was usually kept rather tidy. However, the second his feet had touched down on the main floor, all his anxious eyes could see was filth. When was the last time Joel had scrubbed the walls or vacuumed in between the couch cushions? He couldnât remember, which led to him starting off his day with a needless scrub down of every nook and cranny that any reasonable person would neglect.Â
Joel was being a bit much, he felt it in the glares that his daughters had both sent him at different points that morning due to his deranged scouring, but the usual embarrassment that came from their teasing was dwarfed by his nerves. Even when every surface in the house was practically sparkling from his efforts, he still couldnât stop. Instead, Joel buried himself in the food preparations, further annoying his girls as he quizzed them on any food intolerances that any of his guests may have. By the time his worries about the food were soothed, after being reminded multiple times that they had already helped him write the list that he had brought with him to the grocery store, he was close to collapsing.Â
Something was brewing inside of Joel, something that made all of the air rush out of his lungs, that brightened the tips of his ears when his daughters teased him about it, that made him want to throw up when he thought about the last time he saw you. He had been stupid, so incredibly stupid that he had nearly had a panic attack when you left him on the porch that night. A migraine had gathered at the base of his skull after you bid him goodbye, forcing him to stumble home and collapse into bed with a frustrated huff. It was as if his brain was rejecting itself for bringing you any pain, betraying him for not being more careful with his words.Â
In his defense, Joel had been barely conscious at the restaurant that night, nodding along to a trust fund baby nearly half his age prattling on about the luxury homes he wanted the company to pump out for him. As much as Joel tried to stay present for the sake of the cash he was getting waved under his nose, he was out of his element. It was Tommy who usually handled all of the schmoozing, giving the clients that million dollar customer service smile that the eldest Miller lacked. However, after a mix up with the scheduling that had left the more sociable brother severely overbooked, Joel had been forced to step up.Â
âThe thing is John, itâs John right? Anyways, I donât want this to be a place for nobodies. This neighbourhood is going to be nice, a place where young families can go to be away from the rest of this dumpy town,â the client explained.Â
Joel had smiled politely, though he couldnât help but imagine strangling the smug prick with his skinny necktie. He had seen tons of developers like him over the years, flashy assholes who wanted nothing more than to build a ridiculously expensive neighbourhood that made everyone elseâs rents go up. He hated the homes that his wealthier client base always wanted. They were all the same, luxury homes that were devoid of any life or warmth. Just once, Joel wanted to go back to the basics, to work on a place with a little bit of character or at least be allowed to paint the outside of the building something other than grey. But with this guy, he knew there wasnât any chance.Â
âI want the neighbourhood to look clean, ya know? And it canât be trashy if all of the places look alike. Plus, with a fair price on the mortgages given how nice youâll make it, we can make sure that the riff raff stays out,â the developer continued, his pointed words grating on Joel to no end.Â
âYeah, I think I get what youâre saying,â Joel sighed, swirling the little bit of whiskey left in the bottom of his glass.Â
Joel suddenly wished he had taken a cab, maybe then he could have slammed enough drinks to make the meeting interesting enough to withstand. The client kept chattering, the sound of his nasally voice slowly blending into the upbeat hits that were making his ears ring. He thought about calling the whole thing off, wondering if he could ask for forgiveness from his brother later if he made up a good enough excuse. However, just as he was about to excuse himself with a fake family emergency, his eyes landed upon you. Or rather, they landed upon you with him.Â
Jealousy had seeped into Joelâs chest as he watched the way your dateâs hand had pushed against your space between your shoulders, leading you to the table with a wolfish grin plastered across his face. All of Joelâs coronary arteries constricted at that, the sight of you being pushed into the table by another man making him burn bright with rage. And yet, he couldnât look away. The heels that made your legs look a mile long, the makeup that accentuated all of the features that had haunted him since your first day in town, the messy updo that showed off the gentle slope of your neck, were all so infuriatingly perfect. Infuriating especially because Joel knew that it wasnât for him.Â
Joel was jealous. He was jealous and he knew that it was stupid to feel that way. Afterall, he had only met you once. Christ, but what a meeting it had been, he thought to himself as he tried not to remember your damp body on display for him. However, no matter how hard he tried to remind himself that you were basically a stranger, that his stupid crush didnât mean anything to you and shouldnât, the green monster had been released. It clawed at the inside of his ribcage, tearing his heart to shreds the longer he stared at you all dolled up for another man. He had no claim over you and yet, the envy he felt towards your date had dug its talons into his soul and refused to let go.Â
Nevertheless, the more time went on, the more antsy Joel became. Something was off, he saw it in the way you squirmed uncomfortably in your chair, or how you began to shrink even further into your seat each time your date rushed off to the bathroom. It was only after the dickhead had shuffled back over for a third time that Joel truly understood what was going on and with you suddenly on the verge of tears, flashing the man across from you a forced grin, he was enraged.Â
âAnyways John, Iâm sure your company will do fine. Iâve talked to your brother a bit. He seems more uhâŠÂ my speed. Iâll get my secretary to send over the paperwork to him and then we can get started, okay?,â the younger man had asked him, stretching his hand out for him to take.Â
âYep, sounds good man,â Joel answered, quickly shaking the hand outstretched to him.Â
The client had said his goodbyes after that, likely not wanting to sit and socialize with the gruff contractor that had begun to actively ignore him. Quite frankly, Joel didnât care what the guy thought of him. His work spoke for itself. Plus, he would make his apologies later if need be but at that moment, he had bigger fish to fry.Â
Although the jealousy that Joel had felt was still there, flaring up every time his eyes raked over your beautifully done up figure, the edges of it had softened as the minutes ticked by. That man, whoever he was, was a certified asshole. Aside from the frequent trips to the bathroom, with each return making your dateâs vice of choice more obvious than before, Joel couldnât help but notice how silent you had become. Distress practically rolled off of your tense shoulders, reaching out to him from across the room and thickening the lining of his throat until he felt like he might burst out into tears himself if something wasnât done.Â
Joel had willed himself to yell out, to beg you to speak up from his seat at the bar. He wanted to see you rip your date a new one and walk out with your pretty head held high, but none of that came to pass. Instead, his heart had gotten heavier and heavier as you got smaller and smaller, until he at last couldnât take it anymore.Â
Before your date had even fully left the table for his final bathroom trip of the night, Joel was already halfway out of his seat. He slammed down a wad of bills for his drink before he left, not even looking at the ridiculous amount he had left the bartender as he hurried towards the other end of the room. His sole focus was the beautiful woman whose eyes were glossed over as she bounced off of the service staff with the grace of a newborn deer, trying and failing to keep it together as the rich pricks around her failed to hide their amusement.Â
âOh honey,â Joel groaned under his breath as he spied your purse still slung over your chair, quickly switching paths so that you wouldnât have to go through the embarrassment of returning for it after your frazzled escape.Â
Everything that had come afterwards had happened so fast that it was practically a blur to him now. Although, your teary eyed face was burned into Joelâs memory, still beautiful yet so raw as you tried to keep from balling in front of him when he finally caught up to you outside. And then came the punch he had launched at your date, an act of violence that was so out of character for a man his age, a man that had given up bar fights the second his first child had slid into the world, that he didnât even know what to think. That ride home had been tense, with him trying not to freak out over the snap decision while he drove you home, terrified that it might get back to his kids somehow as you sniffled and sighed beside him.Â
It was at a red light that Joel had finally made up his mind about the incident. As he watched you try to wipe the smeared eyeliner off of your face, eyes red as a fresh wave of tears ruined your progress, he decided that he didnât regret the punch one bit. How dare that asshole make you, or any woman for that matter, feel so horrible. The woman he had met a month prior had been tired, a bit sad even, but not diminished. There had been a flicker of light in your eyes, one that Joel hoped to stroke into a roaring flame someday if you gave him a chance, but in that moment it had all but vanished. And the longer he had sat in his truck that night, listening to you trying to breathe through your distress, the more he wanted to rain hellfire down on anyone who ever made the mistake of hurting you.Â
âFuckâs sake,â Joel hissed, coming back to the present as hot water suddenly scalded his hands.Â
Dropping the glass he was scrubbing back into the soapy water, Joel placed both of his hands on the edges of the sink and sighed. He had tried not to let himself think about it since that night, about how hard he wanted to punch any man who made you frown like that. And that moment, with the way things had ended on Thursday, he was at the top of his own list.Â
Joel needed to make things right with you, he needed it like the air he breathed. For a month he had run to the front windows every time he heard the tell tale signs of your clunky Honda making its way back home, hoping to catch a glimpse of the goddess next door. And now, with the events of your date night still fresh in his mind, along with his piss-poor excuse for an apology the previous morning, he was close to driving to the coast and walking straight into the ocean. Joel sighed, growing more disgruntled by the second. He needed to make things right with you, lest he be doomed to pining for you from afar and getting teased by his family members until you inevitably met a more handsome man that he would be unreasonably jealous of.Â
âLook, I really appreciate what you did for me today. I know that this was not how you probably wanted to spend your Thursday, but you donât have to stay. Iâm fine, everything is great. You can go back to the people youâve got and Iâll go back to⊠Uh, this,â you had laughed bitterly, gesturing towards the empty house, âI mean, this is all Iâve got, right?âÂ
Joel Miller was not the best at expressing himself, that much was glaringly obvious. But your words, the way you had thanked him for something he had done on his volition while simultaneously disparaging yourself, had taken him completely off guard. It was preposterous, the thought of someone like you having nothing in your life other than the fixer upper you went home to at the end of the day.Â
If only you knew how much the girls adored you, practically gushing about the interesting woman that they cornered at every turn and forced into movie nights. Or, how Joel greedily sucked up any tidbit of information about you they sprinkled into their stories, cataloging everything he learned in case he may one day get the chance to use it. Whether you knew it or not, you had the Miller clan under lock and key, especially their patriarch. Though, given the fact that he had gone AWOL since your first day in Austin, he understood why you wouldnât think to include him on your list of friends.Â
The last month of work had been tough. With the school year coming to a close and summer biting at his ankles, the company was set for a busy season of jobs and Joel had been running around like a chicken with his head cut off to keep up with the preparations. Each morning, he was gone at an ungodly hour, barely managing to wait for the coffee to brew most days. Still, that didnât mean that Joel wasnât looking for you in all that time, that he didnât long to be in your presence again. The few glimpses he caught of you after work made his day and he found himself dreaming about the sundresses you wore or the way the light made your hair shine. Even his girls, as quick as they were to tease him about everything under the sun, had shifted their tact from razzing him to outright begging him to do something about his obvious attraction. In their words, he was getting downright pathetic.Â
âWhatâs got your head in the clouds?,â Tommy teased, his brotherâs loud voice rudely snapping him from the thoughts that were unsurprisingly centered around you.Â
âNew lady just moved in across the street, heâs in loooove,â Ellie singsonged, words muffled around a mouth full of the cookie dough that she had snagged from the freezer.Â
âSay it, donât spray it kiddo,â Joel grunted, shaking his head at his daughter as she opened her mouth in defiance, showcasing all of her unchewed food before she flipped him off.Â
âSâthat right? Well Iâll be, you didnât tell me you were seeing anybody,â his brother laughed.Â
Joel sighed, suddenly wondering if it had been a good idea to invite you over. It wasnât that he didnât want you in his home, filling it with laughter and warmth as you left traces of your delicious perfume on hopefully every surface. Having you over was probably his greatest desire, second only to the far off fantasy of his crappy attempts at being funny being the reason you were laughing so hard, but he couldnât help his own nerves. What if you didnât have fun? What if Tommy said something embarrassing? What if you thought his home was a dumpster fire? What if too many people came? What if his girls told you about the stupid crush that he so obviously harbored? And worst of all, what if you never showed?Â
That last one was what Joel feared the most. He hadnât meant to imply that you didnât have anybody and yet, that was how it came out. The breakfast and the note he had left was a cheap apology, but he couldnât think of what else to do. He was so sure that you would leave his gift on the porch to rot, perhaps even text him a long winded message that amounted to a succinct fuck you, but instead he had been surprised by a short thank you message, followed by a question about what time the event started. Joel had answered the text with shaky hands, buzzing with excitement and terror as he tried to answer as casually as he could. With all the information you could ever need, even with his many nerve induced spelling errors, there was no reason for you not to come. However, that didnât mean that he wasnât going to worry about it.Â
âLeave him be guys, he looks like heâs going to barf,â Sarah chastised as she strolled into the kitchen, drawing a few laughs from the rest of his family.Â
âChrist almighty, mânot gonna barf. Worry about yourselves,â Joel groaned, praying for any higher power to smite him before his nausea proved her wrong.Â
Nobody answered him, preferring instead to give each other amused looks as Joel returned to scrubbing the dishwasher spots from all of his best glasses. With how many red solo cups he had on hand in case any of the adults preferred a mixed drink instead of the sodas, beers, and coolers he had on deck, the quick scrub down was pointless but his brain couldnât stop playing the what if game. Like what if all of the plastic cups got used up by the time you arrived and you were forced to drink out of one of his? The last thing Joel wanted was for you to see all the little white specks. That was careless. It was less than you deserved. And he couldnât allow that.Â
âDad, you need to chill out. The place looks great, weâve got way too much food and drinks, and there will be plenty of people here to talk you up. Everything is going to be fine, I promise. Sheâs gonna have a great time,â Sarah said, nudging him away from the sink so she could finish up.Â
âIâm not, thatâs not -,â Joel cleared his throat, âThatâs not what this is. I just want everyone to feel at home. Is that such a crime? Everyone deserves to have a good time. I-I need to make things right with uh - with everyone. Why is that so hard for you guys to understand?âÂ
Joel winced at his own transparency. He was usually better at hiding his love life from his family, if the flings he had over the years even counted as such. But you were different. He didnât want you to be like the rest, he wanted you all to himself. Alas, he probably wasnât even on your radar yet, which meant that claiming that you were a part of his love life was false.Â
âRight, well if youâre trying to impress everyone, then you should probably put in a little bit more effort than that, old man. Canât be letting everyone think that you dress like a frigginâ slob,â Ellie suggested, her eyes raking up and down his figure in disapproval.Â
Joel balked, looking down at his outfit. He hadnât even thought about what he was going to wear, too busy tearing through his house like a madman for any spec of dirt he could find. It wasnât like dressing up was really his thing anyways. Most of his days were spent in beaten up work clothes or the sweatpants he threw on at the end of the day but he wanted to do better, even though he couldnât remember the last time he had spruced himself up for a lady, much less one that had infiltrated his brain like you had.Â
âHmmm yeah, and everyone would also probably appreciate it if you showered first. Youâre a bit too rank right now to be pulling any moves on everyone, unless of course your goal is to make them gag,â Sarah chuckled as she placed the last glass back into the cupboard.Â
As much as Joel wanted to argue, they had a point. With sweat darkening nearly every inch of his shirt, his curls in disarray, and his body odor souring even the inside of his own nostrils, he was truly disgusting. His eyes snapped towards the clock, lips forming a grim line as he saw the time. One hour. He had one hour before people, perhaps even you, started pouring into his home. How in the hell was he supposed to shower, find something decent to wear, figure out what to do with his hair, and have one last meltdown, all before you arrived?Â
âThereâs an outfit laid out on your bed, compliments of your two loving daughters who got woken up by your loud-ass cleaning spree this morning. Donât change a thing about it, just put it on when youâre out of the shower and then fix your hair. Go,â Sarah commanded him.Â
âWhat? Câmon, I can dress myself!,â he halfheartedly protested, earning him a look from everyone in the room.Â
âYeah, yeah, you can thank us after you ask her out,â Ellie chuckled, slapping him on the back as she swerved past to pilfer through the freezer once more.Â
Joel sighed, trying not to let his utter embarrassment overwhelm him as he started towards the stairs.Â
âFine, just donât be getting into the appetizers while Iâm gone,â Joel announced, turning back to give them all a look before he started to climb the steps.Â
The half assed grunts of acknowledgement that Joel got in response were not encouraging, but he was too flustered to care. He took the stairs two at a time, needing to get as much distance between him and his family before he threw himself off the roof. By the time he got back to his room, he was so turned around that he could barely figure out how to get the shower going and almost ripped the faucet off the wall in his haste. Even still, the only thing that kept him sane in that moment, despite all of his panic induced spiraling, was you.Â
Joel didnât know you. He didnât know your favourite ice cream, or if you had broken any bones as a kid, or even why you had decided to work in a library of all places, but he wanted to. God, he wanted to know you so badly that it was driving him crazy. The way your energy bounced off of his in the few moments he had with you so far, reviving the small pieces of him that had been chipped away from years of focusing on his work, on raising his daughters, on keeping the past at bay for his familyâs sake, made him feel like he was finally coming back to himself.Â
Every piece reborn made him want to try a little more, until Joel was foolishly ready to lose all of his senses and beg you to let him be your one and only. It was much too soon for anything like that, but being in your presence was like touching a livewire, like reading a book by a warm fire, like freefalling through the sky, like falling into bed at the end of a long day. It was as terrifying and exciting, as it was calming and gentle, and Joel wanted more. Scratch that, he needed more.Â
So, as Joel hurried under the lukewarm spray, scrubbing any trace of his hectic morning off of his body, he tried hard to not to think about all of the things that could go wrong. You would come, you would have fun, and Joel would be as charming as someone like him possibly could. Then maybe, just maybe, you might forget about his previous blunders and give him a second chance. Who knows, he thought to himself, sighing as he tried to remember the last time he had been so obsessed, a man could hope.Â
- You -Â
The fan was a stupid idea, especially with how downright disgusting your house had become as the hours ticked by, but what else could you possibly do? Your air conditioner, the beautiful beast that had served you for almost eleven years, had finally petered out and died at some point the previous night. Already curled up in bed, you hadnât noticed until early that morning, when you woke up cranky and covered in sweat, the Texas heat oozing through all of your big and beautiful windows. Despite all of the tutorials online, the damn thing refused to work, leaving you with no other choice than to cook inside all day.Â
The morning had been tough, especially when a letter from someone you hoped to never hear from again came in the mail. Sighing as you felt how light it was, you abandoned it on the counter, not wanting to ruin the day before it had even begun. Nothing with him had ever been easy and you sighed, kicking yourself for believing that he would actually sign the divorce papers you had sent in the mail. Nevertheless, you decided to ignore how the unopened letter made you feel, choosing instead to focus on the day ahead.Â
With thoughts of Joel and his utterly confusing yet exciting presence running through your mind, you refused to let him rain on your parade. Across the street there was a handsome man who had first rescued you from back breaking labor during your move, and then later one of the worst dates you had ever been on. A man who, much to your dismay as a newly single woman for the first time in ten years, intrigued you to no end. You spent the entire day basically vibrating from excitement, counting the seconds until you could start getting ready.Â
A half hour before the barbecue was set to start, you jumped into the shower, hoping that a toe curling icy shower would help you race through your makeup routine without acquiring too much sweat. And yet, after five minutes of shaking from the cold, your limbs had slowly but surely thawed out. No matter how speedy your usual makeup routine was, there was no escaping the heat that caused it to melt off of your face.Â
Spraying yet another heavy layer of setting spray, you sighed. You had done your best given the circumstances. Despite the sweat that clung to your hairline, along with the annoying last minute outfit change after your first dress had become drenched in sweat, you looked okay. Not as great as you had originally hoped, but not awful. That had to count for something you supposed.Â
âGoddammit,â you sighed, already regretting your decision to accept Joelâs invitation.Â
As you stood in front of the mirror, fixing the straps on the pink sundress that showcased an appropriate amount of cleavage and hugged your curves just right, you couldnât help but feel a bit silly. It was a barbecue, a family friendly event that Joel had invited you to, just as any friendly neighbour would. And yet, there you were, dolled up and sweating. At least if he had invited you out of some sort of neighbourly obligation, he probably wouldnât notice how disheveled you were.Â
It was that thought that got you through the door and across the street. Joel Miller was trying to be a friend, and surely a friend wouldnât care about another friendâs sweaty face on a day as hot as this one. Or at least, thatâs what you told yourself as you knocked on the door, ignoring the way your heart pounded alongside the music you could hear coming from the backyard. It sounded packed inside, much busier than any typical barbecue, and you suddenly longed for the comfort of your own home again. When nobody came, you stood there in silence for a few more seconds, biting your lip as you debated retreating back to safety. However, all of your escape plans were foiled when a curly haired teen yanked the door open.Â
âHey - oh shit,â Sarah cussed, concern trickling into her tone.Â
âWhat? What is it?,â you asked quickly, stomach twisting as her eyes examined every inch of your face.Â
Heart pounding, you ripped open your purse, pulling out a compact so that you could have a look at the damage. It was only then that you saw the travesty that the heat had created. The once nearly acceptable look was literally melting off of your face from the heat, creating a mess that even the kindest of strangers would be hard pressed to ignore. You looked like a clown that had gotten jumped, and given the sounds of the lively party going on behind the teen, you suddenly felt like one too.Â
âShit, what the hell happened to you?,â Ellie exclaimed, popping up from behind her sister.Â
âI-I um, my AC broke and I couldnât -,â you sighed, suddenly wishing you had never come in the first place.Â
âOh my god, shut up Ellie! Do you think she needs to hear that right now?! Ugh, youâre as clueless as Tommy sometimes,â Sarah groaned, roughly shoving her sisterâs head out of the doorframe,âGet out of here, would you? Go distract dad so I can sneak her upstairs. Weâve got some work to do.âÂ
âOh, you really donât have toâŠâÂ
Sarahâs gaze turned back towards you, playful yet pointed as she examined the state of you. Wordlessly she raked her eyes up and down your rumpled form, cocking her eyebrow as if to say really? Heat crept up your neck, a small laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation bubbling up from within as you watched Ellie soldier off in search of her father. It didnât take long for her to find him apparently, as Sarah was soon rushing you up the stairs and into her room before anyone could see your disheveled state.Â
Although most of the original makeup had to be wiped off, you had to admit that the girl had a talent for eyeliner, and even managed to corral your sweaty strands back into a cute braid that kept it from sticking to the sides of your face. When Sarah was done you looked different, like yourself but slightly elevated. The makeup was a lot simpler than what you would normally do but it looked good, cute even.Â
âWhat do you think? I know itâs nothing fancy, but I think you look really pretty like this,â Sarah chirped, the hope evident in her voice.Â
You smiled back at her in the mirror, chest tight with emotion as you did. Maybe your only friends at the moment were two teenage girls but damn, were they better company than the vultures you had been friends with before coming to Austin. The friends you used to have would have gladly let you stumble through the party downstairs with your face basically dripping down down to your neck, but not the Miller girls. They had helped and much to your dismay, the eldest had even done a better job at fixing up your face than you had.Â
âItâs beautiful Sarah, I love it,â you said truthfully, giving her arm a squeeze as you turned around, âThank you for this, I was getting ready to run home and bar the windows.âÂ
âEeek! Okay good,â she squealed, shaking your shoulders in excitement, âNow you can go meet everyone. Ugh, but you should probably go see dad first. Heâs been asking us every two seconds if youâve shown up yet. Itâs like dude, sheâs coming just give her some time to walk across the street before you freak out.âÂ
âY-Your dad asked about me?,â you asked lightly, trying and failing to keep it cool.Â
Sarah raised her eyebrows at that, her knowing look making you want to bury your head in the pillows and scream. The last thing you needed was for the stupid crush you had on Joel Miller to become public knowledge, much less the knowledge of one of the most chattiest people you knew.Â
âOh big time. Heâs been losing his mind about having you here since Friday morning,â she said with a sly grin, âPretty much turned the house inside out this morning trying to get everything perfect. Hell, I donât think Iâve ever seen Dad so excited about having people over. He usually hates it but he got so nervous that he let Uncle Tommy be in charge of the guest list.âÂ
You didnât answer, too busy trying to control the visceral reaction your nervous system was having to her comment. Joel Miller had been freaking out⊠over you? That couldnât be right, not when you had spent the last month convincing yourself that he was a figment of your imagination, or the past 24 hours trying to convince yourself that he was nothing but an overly friendly neighbor.Â
âI - um⊠I donâtâŠ,â you trailed off, not sure what to say.Â
Sarah waved you off, holding out her hand to you instead with a comically wide grin.Â
âCome on, letâs get down there.âÂ
-
The barbecue had turned into a bit of a house party in the time it had taken Sarah to fix you up. The house was filled with neighbours mingling with construction crews, kids playing games in the pool out back, and rowdy family members that seemed to be very interested in meeting you. Tommy was the first one you met after he caught Sarah trying to sneak you past. He was kind, seemingly familiar with everyone, and comfortable enough to give you a hug so forceful that it nearly knocked you off balance. It was a stark contrast to the more reserved way Joel carried himself, but it was refreshing nonetheless. His girlfriend, Maria, was less boisterous than him but no less kind, and you soon found yourself at long last conversing with adults your own age who didnât seem like absolute assholes.Â
As the pair asked you about your career, education, even the home improvements you planned to do on the bungalow across the street, you felt uncharacteristically at ease. The two of them listened dutifully while you talked, while both of the Miller girls filtered in and out of the conversation as some of their friends showed up. And in turn, you listened to their stories, smiling through every tale that included the southern stud that had eluded you thus far.Â
Through their stories, you learned that the eldest Miller had once been a swimmer, that he needed glasses terribly but refused to wear them, and that he used to be in a shitty garage band when he was younger. Their stories helped humanize the confusing man. Instead of remaining the handsome stranger who had come to the rescue, he was suddenly the guy who used to shave all of his body hair in highschool so he could get the best time score at swim meets, the guy who gets his daughters to read the fine print on pretty much everything, the guy who once grew his hair out and sang at smoky bars throughout Texas. He was just a regular guy, albeit a handsome and thoughtful one, but a regular guy nonetheless. That comforted you to no end.Â
âAw look, here comes trouble,â Tommy called out, interrupting his own juicy story about the time his brother had been kicked out of his own show for swinging on a guy in the crowd that had grabbed one of the waitresses.Â
âIf Iâm trouble, then youâre a goddamn villain Tomcat,â Joel drawled, flicking the brim of his brotherâs hat as he did.Â
âFuck you,â Tommy laughed, dodging another flick as he retreated back to Mariaâs side.Â
âI see you found your way,â Joel said to you, his eyes meeting yours for the first time since the disastrous date night just two nights prior.Â
You really wished Joel would stop looking at you like that. His eyes peered past your exterior, sinking deep into your soul as you took him in all of his glory in. The form-fitting jeans he had chosen, the white t-shirt that fit over his meaty biceps just right, the way his hair was pushed back from his face, the smell of his spicy cologne, was all enough to make someone as neglected as you faint.Â
You bit your bottom lip, trying not to swoon as you felt Joelâs eyes slide over your body, zeroing in on the way the pink fabric clung to the curves he had seen bare a little over a month ago. He looked just handsome as he had that day, the slight adjustments to his attire only adding to his usual sexy self. And with the heat of his stare scalding every inch of your body, covered or not, you knew that youâd happily give him another peek the second he asked.Â
âYeah I mean, hard to get lost when itâs right across the street,â you awkwardly joked, earning a few chuckles from the group.Â
But Joel didnât laugh, he just smiled at you, all of the lines in his face smoothing over as he did and you couldnât help but stare. His mustache was trimmed to perfection, beautifully framing the pouty set of lips that stretched around the grin he gave you. A funny feeling trickled into your lower belly as you stared at his plush mouth, tightening the muscles between your thighs until you were throbbing there. Heart pounding in your chest, you snapped your eyes back up to meet his, knowing that if you stared at his lips any longer, you would be doing something utterly moronic like launching forward to kiss him. Dizzied and drunk off of his heady scent and hypnotic stare, you were frozen, wanting nothing more than to place your hands on the broad expanse of his chest despite the fact that his family was quietly watching the exchange from mere inches away.Â
âGood, mâglad you came darling,â he said quietly, almost like he was admitting something he wasnât supposed to.Â
âReally?,â you squeaked.Â
A guffaw came from behind you.Â
âChrist, the girls are right. You two are really something else,â Tommy piped up, shattering the bubble of solace that the two of you had built.Â
Joelâs face twisted in annoyance, the tips of his ears going bright red as he glowered at his brother. The youngest of the Miller men just laughed and rolled his eyes, wrapping an arm around Joelâs shoulders so he could playfully shake him.Â
âYa know what? I think that grill is getting pretty lonely out there. Why donât you two go check on the grub? Joel can flip âem and you can make sure he donât burn nothing,â Tommy suggested, giving his brother a slap on the back for good measure before he released him.Â
âOh um, yeah sure,â you stammered, unsure of what else to say.Â
The thought of being alone with Joel was daunting but with the way he stared at you even when you looked away, the heat of his gaze hot against the side of your face, you decided that you were game for any activity involving him.Â
âSâfine, you donât have to help me sweetheart. I can handle it just fine if you wanted to mingle a bit,â Joel said quickly, the urgency in his tone making you frown.Â
Did Joel not want to hang out with you? Was the thought of spending time with you that awful? Your stomach roiled, dread leaking in through the cracks in your chest and poisoning the hopefulness that had taken root there. Given your many years living in the city, you couldnât exactly say that you were a pro at barbecuing, but you were willing to try if it meant you could bask in his attention for a bit longer. You sighed, letting all of hopes of getting a moment alone with him drain out of you, shoulders sagging in disappointment. It made sense that Joel didnât want you out there. Afterall, why would he want to awkwardly stand outside and make nice with the crazy woman across the street that was in constant need of assistance?Â
âI donât have to if you donât uh - if you donât want me to. Doesnât matter to me, I could just stay in here if thatâs better for you,â you rushed out, trying to ignore just how much it really did matter for some reason.Â
âCourse I want you to.âÂ
Your head snapped up, eyes meeting his again and finding nothing but truthfulness behind them. Something warm and thick bloomed deep inside your belly, blossoming up towards your chest until you were sure butterflies were about to start pouring from your mouth the next time you spoke. Joel stepped closer, holding out one of those big hands that you had been imagining between your thighs. Looking up, you saw the same hope you felt mirrored back in him and you didnât hesitate to give him your hand, happily allowing him to whisk you away from his family.Â
The warmth of Joelâs rough palm was soothing, along with the way he pulled you closer to him as he weaved throughout the crowd. It was as if he was shielding you from everyone else, keeping you safe from the construction guys who were drinking beers and talking sports, or the drunken neighbours in the kitchen that were doing jello shots that someone had brung. He even pulled you against him for a moment as a few of the neighbourhood kids scampered by, trapping you between his chest and the wall to keep you from getting soaked by the water guns that their parents were yelling at them to take back outside. His frame pressed against yours, his eyes vigilant as he timed his next move amidst the chaos. You tried not to react when he looked down at you for a moment, stealing all the breath from your lungs as his nose bumped against yours accidentally but just as you thought that your protector might finally devour you, he was on the move again.Â
When Joel finally reached the patio door, you were three sheets to the wind, completely drunk off of him and praying that he would never let go of your hand again. But alas, with the heat of Austin in full swing and the pool filled with families, there was no reason for him to keep holding it any longer. With no other crowds to conquer, Joel dropped your hand, breaking the connection that was sending a thrill up your spine so he could check on the food.Â
âAlright, so whatâs the game plan?,â you asked shakily, trying to break the tension as you skipped up beside him.Â
âGame plan?,â Joel repeated, sounding incredulous as he turned to look at you with a toothy grin,âWhat d'ya mean?â
âThe game plan! Your brother designated me as number two on the grill and Iâll have you know that I take my duties extremely seriously,â you said with a mock salute.Â
He snorted and shook his head at your antics, âSâthat right? Well, how about you hand me that meat thermometer and we can see just how cooked these bad boys are.â
âYes sir.âÂ
It was meant as a joke really, another cheeky remark for Joel to snort over. However, as you watched his spine go rim rod straight, his dark gaze piercing through you as he turned to take you in, you saw the error in your choice of phrase. Although his cheeks were dusted with a light shade of pink, a bit of embarrassment reddening the high points of his distinguished face, his eyes were downright ravenous. A memory trickled into your mind, one where those same eyes had nearly swallowed you whole as they took in every inch of your nude body, and although the pretty sundress you had chosen was secured to your frame, you suddenly felt just as naked under his gaze as you had that day.Â
Was Joel thinking about your first meeting? God, you hoped so, and you tried to imagine what he would look like in a similar situation. Would Joel race to pick up his towel, apologizing as he tried to cover up his gloriously nude form? Or would he have the same problem as you did, would he be unable to move under your stare despite the aching cock below his navel? And the more you imagined the roles reversed, the more you realized that Joel should be commended for his restraint. If you had seen him in that state, his body still damp and his cock hard, your response would have been to climb him like a tree.Â
Joel licked his lips, sighing quietly before he shook his head at the look you gave him. He felt it too, whatever was growing between you, flowering under the hot sun as your neighbours bobbed in the pool just meters away. The swimmers were the only thing keeping the two of you in check, both sets of hands twitching at their sides like they were resisting the urge to grab one another. Another few moments passed, moments where you stared at each other through thinly veiled lust, before Joel finally turned away. He ran his hands through his hair a few times, messing up the carefully gelled curls in a way that you found incredibly endearing before he sighed and nodded towards the thermometer within your reach.Â
âFuckinâ trouble,â you heard him mumble under his breath, which made you giggle a bit.Â
âHm maybe, but I think you like that about me Miller,â you shot back with a wink as you handed him the thermometer.Â
Joel looked over at you again, making you freeze in place. His expression made you feel like his prey in the best way possible. Like any cheeky comment or seductive wink might cause him to break and throw you over his shoulder like some sort of caveman, stomping upstairs so that he could have his way with you despite the guests. Time slowed, the cacophony of noises coming from the party softened by the buzzing energy growing between you. He stepped into your space, his overwhelming presence growing ten times larger as his hulking frame towered over you again and you had to remind yourself to breathe.Â
The two of you were practically nose to nose when Joel leaned down, getting so close that you could see the flecks of a lighter brown, almost hazel, mixed in with the rest of the melted chocolate. He was bold, brazen in his powers of seduction as he watched you quiver from the proximity. Those big puppy dog eyes searched yours, the corners of his mouth turning upwards ever so slightly when he found whatever it was he was looking for. Perhaps he could sense just how drenched the gusset of your panties were from simply being in his presence. You didnât care if he did, especially since his own interest was as clear as day.Â
âI do like it,â Joel admitted, his voice so soft that you almost thought you dreamt it.Â
A shaky breath was released from you as you shifted a tad bit closer, the blazing heat of Joelâs chest so enticing that you boldly placed both of your hands on his chest. He didnât react at first, other than the tiniest hitch of his breath that you would have missed if you werenât literally touching him, but then he moved. Two big burly arms wrapped around you, one hand resting at the small of your back and pushing you closer while the other gripped your hip, his gaze remaining steady as ever regardless of the embrace.Â
âJoel,â you whispered, not trusting your voice as a surge of want burned through the both of you like wildfire.Â
Surely Joel felt the way you shook under him, the nerves mixing with pure excitement as your eyes begged him to do something, anything. He studied your face, a deep flush creeping down his neck as the two of you stayed locked in an embrace that was somehow more intimate than any kiss you had experienced in your entire life. And Joel seemed to sense this, his arms holding you a bit tighter until you calmed from the overwhelming surge of emotions that his welcome touch tore from you. When the shakes were gone, laid to rest by the same man that had started them, all that remained was yearning for him, for Joel.Â
âI know sweetheart, I know,â Joel whispered, the hand on your hip moving up to brush a few errant strands of hair from your face, âI can feel it too.âÂ
The admission struck you hard, making your eyes widen despite your best attempts to play it off. Joel felt it too. What did he mean by that? Did he daydream about you while he was at work too? Did he wonder what your voice sounded like in the mornings? Did he lay in bed at night, rubbing himself raw to the thought of you fucking the shit out of him? That last part sounded like a stretch but based on the heat gathering between you, along with the way his eyes periodically flicked downwards to take in the sight of your heaving breasts, maybe it wasnât as far off as you had once thought.Â
âJoel! How much longer for the - Oh shit, well howdy there to you too neighbour! Looks like the two grill masters are getting along just fine out here by themselves,â Tommy hollered, his jab getting a round of raucous laughter from inside.Â
The Miller house was equipped with many things that made it beautiful, one thing being a sliding glass door to the backyard that the two of you were standing in front of. With the rest of the party turned towards you with shit eating grins, along with the intimate embrace on full display for what felt like the entirety of Austin, you suddenly wanted nothing more than to sink through the cracks in the boards below and cease to exist. The heat that you had felt when Joel touched you shifted into something much more menacing, something cruel and embarrassing, something that made you feel like you were miles away and being put on display for the millionth time by the man you had once thought loved you.Â
âDonât,â Joel barked at his brother, his authoritative tone leaving no room for discussion as he slowly retracted himself.Â
Tommyâs face fell, a curious look in his eyes as they flickered between the two of you. After a moment, the younger man held his arms up in mock defense, earning an annoyed huff from the man beside you. Although everyone inside had already moved on from the announcement, you shifted closer to Joel, using his large frame as a cover from the heavy weight of shame that had been programmed into you for years.Â
âMy bad yâall, it was a stupid joke,â Tommy said apologetically, scratching at the back of his head awkwardly, âMaria just sent me out to check on how long the food should be. She was gonna send the girls out to set up the salads and shit when youâre ready.âÂ
âSend âem out in five minutes or so,â Joel grunted, annoyance laced through every single syllable, âShouldnât be long.âÂ
With that, Tommy disappeared back inside, leaving the two of you alone again. You bit your lip as you watched him go, trying to see if anyone else was still leering at you from within the house but everyone seemed too busy chatting with each other to pay any attention to either of you. Sighing, you relaxed a bit. At least this neighbourhood moved on quicker than your last one. Â
âMâsorry about that sweetheart. Tommy doesnât mean any harm but heâs justâŠ,â Joel sighed and shook his head, âHeâs not the best at reading the room. Embarrassing ya probably wasnât his goal, he just never knows where the damn line is.âÂ
âItâs⊠Itâs okay, I just donât really like being in the spotlight like that, â you said softly, still feeling a bit antsy despite your best attempts at calming your racing heart, âDonât worry about me, Iâm fine. I know that Tommy didnât mean anything by it, letâs just move on.âÂ
âWhy do you do that?,â he asked suddenly.Â
The question took you off guard, so much so that it broke through your nerves and diminished the shakes that were wracking your frame again. At first you thought that Joel was making a cruel joke, that he was poking fun at your inability to thrive in social settings, but when you looked in his eyes all you saw was an earnest curiosity.Â
âI didnât want to make anyone upset or for any of your friends to get the wrong idea about you by seeing us like that. Plus, I know that I can be too much sometimes, just tell me if I get too annoying or something,â you sighed.Â
Too much, that had been your moniker for years. Whether it was the way you dressed, your apparently over the top contributions to conversations, or the love you had for your work when someone asked; the most common complaint had been that you were a presence that somehow overwhelmed and fell short at the same time. Slowly, you had learned to be quieter, to make yourself miniscule so that you didnât distract from the real star of the show that you were meant to prop up, to be as perfect as you could when necessary before retreating back to your books and the lonely apartment you shared with a ghost. To be on display in any context where you didnât look utterly flawless felt wrong. Worse than wrong, it felt like failure.Â
âYouâre not too much honey, youâre just enough fâme.â
Stunned by Joelâs words, you blinked up at him, unsure of what to say in response to that. All of the oxygen left your lungs, the excess air whooshing out of you all at once, and you tried to think of something to say. However, luckily for you, he wasnât done.Â
âPlus, how in the hell could I be embarrassed by someone like you? Itâs me that you should be embarrassed about. Christ, I canât even keep my damn hands to myself when Iâm supposed to be watching the damn grill. Sâall my fault really, I couldnât help it,â Joel murmured apologetically.Â
You shook your head, absolutely shocked by his words. Joel didnât move to hold you again, likely fearful of the reaction he would get after his brotherâs joke had embarrassed you so badly, but he did reach out. A shiver ran through you as one of his thick fingers pushed your hair behind your ear, lingering near your jaw for just a moment like he couldnât help his need for even the slightest of touches before he dropped it back down to his side.Â
âIf anything,â Joel started, a playfulness to his tone as he turned back towards the food, âYouâre the exact opposite of too much honey. I mean, itâs like Iâm neighbours with a goddamn hermit or something. Only ever see ya coming back from work at the end of the day.âÂ
A small chuckle broke through your frayed nerves, releasing some of the tension that had been building between you since the second he dragged you outside.
âMy apologies Mr. Miller, I wasnât aware that I had loyal fans watching my every move,â you teased, grabbing one the plates beside him so that he could start taking the food off the grill.Â
Joel laughed, âWell, all Iâm saying is that I hope you donât disappear on me again. Canât be putting together an event like this every time I want to see that face of yours.âÂ
âOh, so this was all just a ploy to see me then?,â you asked, giggling at the dark splotches of red that flooded his cheeks in response.Â
âI-I uh, well not exactly. I do sometimes um, sometimes I have barbecues like this. I like to cook and the girls,â he cleared his throat, âThe girls said that you like to er⊠eat food.âÂ
Joel winced and you cackled, throwing your head back as you laughed at his shaky excuse. The thought of him hosting such a big event in hopes that you might come by was adorable, as well as a tad bit frightening. Nobody had ever done something so big for you and for some reason, you felt like you should apologize for making him go to such lengths. But his previous words played over and over in your mind - youâre not too much honey, youâre just enough fâme - and you let it soothe you.Â
Joel Miller was a grown man who made his own choices. Even if he threw you a million barbecues to get your attention, it didnât mean that you were too demanding. You hadnât even asked for the first one. He had thrown this party all on his own, simply because he wanted to get your attention. That wasnât cause for fear, it was cause for celebration. Someone had done something for you, something that you had thoroughly enjoyed despite the momentary panic that came from his youngest brotherâs taunting. Regardless of the little demons in your brain trying to ruin the moment, you decided to ignore them, to enjoy the warmth that came from having the attention be on you in a good way for once.Â
âWell, you have my number now so you could always text me if you wanted to see me. Not that this isnât great, but it must have been a lot of work just to hang out with little old me. I canât be that scary, am I? I promise that I donât bite⊠usually,â you joked.Â
He chuckled, nudging you with his side as he continued to plate the food. It was a small gesture but it made you grin, the feeling of his body pressing into yours for even the most fleeting of moments so natural and calming that you longed for him to do it again. Physical touch was not something you had ever been averted to per se, but you had never yearned for someoneâs touch like Joelâs. His touch lit a fire underneath your skin and you knew that the flames could only possibly be soothed by more.Â
âLike I said darling, youâre trouble,â Joel mumbled.Â
âLike I said, you like it,â you repeated, earning another nudge from him.Â
Joel didnât say anything, he just smiled and shook his head at you. Which was good, as you were sure that your poor heart couldnât have taken any more of his sweet words or lingering glances without having some sort of embarrassing reaction in front of the family members that were filtering out of the house with condiments and salad bowls.Â
As Ellie and Sarah slipped outside, you stepped away from their dad, trying to keep a reasonable distance in fear of overstepping. However, just as you moved away from him, Joel reclaimed the empty space, wordlessly gluing himself back to your side despite their presence. You looked over at the two girls, both of them busy with preparing the table full of food, before looking back at the man in question with a raised brow.Â
Joel followed your gaze, his eyes alight as he watched them for a moment before he looked back at you. He shrugged and rolled his eyes, dispelling all of your worries without a single word. He didnât care. A small smile graced your lips, heat creeping up the side of your neck as you felt him gravitate closer every time one of your movements put space between the two of you again.Â
Joel really didnât care how close he was, or that his family and the rest of the party were slowly making their way towards the food tables set up in the backyard. You couldnât believe it. It was as if he was actually proud of it, silently claiming you in front of every single guest at his party regardless of what any of them thought, and it made you unreasonably excited. You werenât even that dressed up and likely had sweat trickling down your back from the blazing heat, but Joel stayed in place, hovering at your side like he was meant to be there.Â
Never once had your ex showing you off at his fundraisers or networking events made you feel how Joel did in that moment. The praise you were accustomed to had always felt cheap, like he was rating you based on how fuckable you looked in front of his fellow PhD pricks. And somehow, regardless of how creepily some of them stared at you in those skin tight cocktail dresses, you never seemed to quite make the cut for him. But Joel Miller marking his territory as he was, proudly staking his claim as he kept his eyes glued to you at all times? It made you feel nearly ten years younger, like you were the wide eyed nineteen year old who screamed into her pillow when she found out that a boy that she liked thought that she was pretty.Â
So you leaned into it, into Joelâs warmth, allowing the handsome man to stay rooted at your side as everyone gathered around for dinner. He led you over to a chair next to his and you let him, uncaring of the way his arms brushed against yours during the meal, or that he laughed when you missed your mouth because you were too busy trying to sneakily glance over at him. It was hard to be embarrassed anyways when someone as handsome as him was leaning over, wiping the corner of your mouth with his thumb with a goofy grin glued to his face. Â
Although you had come across the street sweating and unsure where you stood with him, Joel had made his own intentions loud and clear from the moment you arrived. And despite the fact that just a week ago you had made the decision to steer clear of anything that wasnât casual, it was becoming harder to remember why you would ever want such a thing. How could you possibly be bothered by something that felt so comfortable, something that eased all of the stress from your mind and made you forget what was waiting for you back at home?Â
So, you smiled and allowed Joel to lead you towards where the other adults were gathered in the backyard after supper, whispering a small thank you that made him beam when he brought you a new drink without ever being asked. Tommy was leading the group in one of his many stories but neither of you paid him any mind, too busy sneaking glances at each other and fidgeting in lieu of reaching out in the summer heat.Â
- Joel -Â
For nearly the entire night Joel had stood watch at your side, sucking up every bit of attention you would grant him as the party raged on into the early evening. Even as his house began to clear out when the families started to pack up their sun-drunk children, and oftentimes their even drunker significant others, he had been able to stay strapped to your hip. But when Tommy, fucking Tommy, had called him inside to find a broom he could use to clean up a broken bottle, Joel had been forced to leave you alone with Maria.Â
The task itself hadnât taken long, a little less than five minutes altogether, and yet Joel had come back outside to find you missing. He slipped in and out of the stragglers that were slowly headed towards the exit, praying that he might catch a glimpse of the one person he had thrown the damn event for, but came up entirely empty. A heavy sigh fell from his mouth, something inside of him aching at the realization that you were gone. Your sudden departure stung, his gut roiling as he tried to think of a reason that you would leave without saying goodbye to him, but he couldnât think of any.Â
In any other circumstance Joel would have let himself dwell on it a bit longer, perhaps even retreating to the sanctity of his room to wallow in his own sadness for the rest of the night but he couldnât, not when he had two kids with his last name that were making their way over to him. His love life, as embarrassing and depressing as it was at times, was none of their concern so he shook it off and put on a brave face for them despite the sting of rejection that dulled his smile.Â
âHow was the party? Did she like it? Did you finally ask her out? What are you two going to do for the first date? Youâre the one planning it right? Can we help?,â Ellie babbled excitedly, getting an elbow to the ribs from her sister in return.Â
âDonât overwhelm him, jeez,â Sarah admonished with an eye roll, before she smiled mischievously and turned back towards him, âBut Ellie has a point, did you ask her out?âÂ
Joel shook his head at the both of them, wishing like hell they would drop their incessant quest to hook the two of you up. He wanted to be with you so badly that it hurt, but he was a fully grown man who could get his own dates and the last thing he needed when he finally did take you out was to have to give his daughters credit for the idea. He wanted the date and whatever it entailed to come from him, from his heart like you deserved.Â
âFirst of all, the two of you need to stop being so damn nosy. I can handle myself just fine. And secondly, I will ask out whoever I want to, whenever I want to. I donât need yâall giving me any notes on how to do it for Christâs sake,â he said, wagging a finger at the both of them.Â
âI told you that heâs too chickenshit to ask her,â Ellie sighed, as if she had already predicted his inevitable fumble. Â
âDamn, I guess I owe you and Tommy twenty bucks then. I really thought heâd ask her tonight,â Sarah said, the shock evident in her voice.Â
âThere were bets on it?!,â Joel asked incredulously, âJesus Christ, we donât even know each other that well yet. I canât just go around asking out women without getting to know them first, that ainât proper.âÂ
âSheâs not a stranger Dad, sheâs the lady that you run to the door to stare at every time you hear her car come in,â Ellie chuckled. Â
âEllie has a point there, and you canât get mad at us for placing bets on it when it was Uncle Tommyâs idea. We are innocent children, heâs an adult,â Sarah added with a shrug.Â
As the smoke started practically pouring from Joelâs ears, he watched as both of his kids inched towards the door to the house. Ellie was already about halfway through by the time he had fully soaked it in, while Sarah was a bit slower to react than her sister. Joel wasnât sure where Tommy was but given all the shit that the asshole had pulled that day, his days were fucking numbered. He was about ready to wring his brotherâs neck the next time he came across him, so much so that he barely caught his eldest daughterâs rushed goodbyes.Â
âOkay well, have fun hunting down Uncle Tommy. Weâre going to go to the movies with Riley and Sam. See you later dad, please donât kill any of our family members while weâre gone,â Sarah shouted as she retreated into the safety of the house.Â
Utterly defeated by the day, Joel sighed and shook his head. He couldnât be mad at any of them really, especially when he was such a lost cause these days. There had been attempts to establish a real relationship despite his hectic life, some successful for a time and some not, but none of them ever seemed to work out.Â
There was Marlene, a woman who he could have seen himself pretending to be happy with if she hadnât abandoned him and their only child a few weeks after she was born. Then there was Tess, a heart break of major proportions that he desperately tried not to think about if he could help it, but after her the rest seemed to just blur together. His roster was an endless list of first dates and third ones, that inevitably fun first time together followed soon by the hard talk they all eventually gave him when they fell out of lust. It was all so meaningless, so boring that he had put it to rest a few years back but then, you.Â
What Joel felt for you, it wasnât the same. He wasnât sure how yet, or more importantly why, but he knew that you were different from the other women that he had tried to form a relationship with before. Perhaps it was the way your smile broke through all his defenses, shaking the dust off of a part of his heart that had been rotting for years, or perhaps it was just fate. Either way, all of his usual worries about trying again were nowhere to be seen, as if even his hyperactive nervous system understood that you were somehow the exception. And since you were the exception, Joel decided that he didnât mind that you had left. He would throw one party after the next all summer long, going full on Jay Gatsby and letting the entire state trample through his home if it meant you might show up again someday.Â
As the last few guests filtered out, including his brother who he made sure to slap upside the head for distracting him, Joel hatched a plan. Since you had clearly left in such a hurry, you likely hadnât gotten the chance to take home any leftovers. With how much you had âhelpedâ on the grill, it wouldnât be right for him to hog the remaining feast. If Joel happened to stroll over with a few plates of food in his hands, well that was just being neighborly wasnât it?Â
Convincing himself that his ridiculous scheme would work, Joel hurried to the kitchen, his mind racing as he tried to remember what sides and desserts you had liked the most. It was only when he turned the corner, skidding to a full stop at the sound of someone humming along to the crackly radio in his kitchen, that he realized his plan was pointless. There you were, still clad in one the most gorgeous dresses he had seen you in so far, quietly tidying the space as if it were your own.Â
âHey,â Joel breathed, in awe of the scene in front of him that seemed too good to be true.Â
You glanced back at him, âHey stranger.â
âWhat are you doing sweetheart?,â he asked, slinking up behind you so he could lean against the other side of the sink.Â
âDishes needed to be done and I hate saying goodbye to people as they leave. Itâs always so fucking awkward. Irish goodbye is more my style,â you said.Â
âYeah,â he chuckled softly, the warmth radiating off of him as he added, âMine too.âÂ
Smiling in response, you nodded towards the towel hanging off the stove, silently ordering him to work alongside you once more. And who was Joel to say no to a beautiful woman commanding him to help her? He happily bounded over to your side with the towel in hand, grinning ear to ear as the two of you worked in silence.Â
It was quiet but comfortable, the soft sounds of a Marvin Gaye song that he had long since forgotten the name of and the slight movement of water providing a warmth to the air that only brought the two of you closer. Joel couldnât stop looking over at you, finding it hard to stay focused each time your eyes met his. He tried to remain calm, to remind himself that you had returned his advances just hours before, but he couldnât seem to get his words in order. How hard was it to ask someone out? Apparently for Joel, it was nearly impossible.Â
âI wanted to ask you -â you started, the sound of your soft voice after such a long period of silence nearly causing him to jump out of his own skin.Â
âYou wanted to ask?,â Joel asked once he recovered, hoping like hell that you were thinking the same thing as him. Â
You looked over at him for a second, the confidence you had faltering when your eyes met his.Â
âNevermind, itâs nothing.âÂ
Joelâs entire being drooped towards the floor, the hope he had squashed under your dismissal. Shy was not the word he would use to describe the woman who had flirted with him outside and yet, you seemed more flustered than you had been when he held you in his arms earlier that day. He cocked his head, trying and failing to pinpoint your change of mood.Â
âMâkay well, if you think of it again Iâm all ears,â he joked, getting nothing but a forced smile in response.Â
Joel bristled, his jaw clenched as you turned and continued to make your way through the dirty dishes. He eyed the remaining pile, suddenly regretting the decision to use red solo cups and paper plates. If he had used his own, heâd be able to keep you trapped a little longer, perhaps even get you to ask him that question you had wanted to ask. But instead, the clock was running out of time so Joel did the only thing he could think of, he filled the space with his own frivolous questions.Â
âHowâs that new house of yours going? Are ya sick of this town yet or what?,â Joel asked lightly, hoping he could break you out of the funk that you had been mysteriously drawn into.Â
But it didnât. In fact, the question only made you sigh, shaking your head in defeat before you begrudgingly looked back at him.Â
âLook, whatever the girls told you, itâs totally fine. I shouldnât have even said anything, the situation is under control. The repairman said that they would probably be able to get around to it by the end of next week when I called, so itâll be fixed up in no time,â you said.Â
âHuh? The girls didnât tell me shit. Theyâve been too busy hanging out with their friends,â Joel said slowly, squaring his shoulder as he added, âBut you do know that I own a contracting business right? Whatever it is, I guarantee I can fix it better than any of the other idiots in this goddamn town. Bet Iâd be a hell of a lot cheaper too.âÂ
Joel went through a rudimentary list of the potential problems in your home that he had noticed as you took in his words, trying to rank the issues on a scale of need so he could figure it out himself in case you decided not to tell him. The roof would probably need to be reshingled soon, but luckily the fact that you lived in a warmer state meant you probably had another year or so. It could be the faulty wiring in the downstairs kitchen, in which case he prayed that you would let him fix it before you electrocuted yourself trying to make toast. Or perhaps it was the window in your upstairs office, the one that he knew undoubtedly leaked when it rained, but all that would need was a fresh layer of caulk and it would be good to go.Â
âOh um, itâs really nothing Joel. Forget I said anything. I wouldnât want to take advantage,â you rushed out, trying to avoid eye contact as you pulled the plug on the empty sink.Â
Joel cocked his eyebrow, bringing his wet hands to his hips so that he could get into what his girls had coined numerous times as his signature dad stance. He gave you a challenging look, pulling out the big guns to get you to fess up to whatever fix your tiny home needed.Â
âUgh fine, itâs just my stupid fucking AC. It broke last night while I was asleep and I canât figure out how to fix it without literally shocking myself,â you confessed, rolling your eyes at the way his mouth popped open to form a perfect O.Â
âJesus honey, you ainât working on it while the damn thing is still plugged in are ya?,â he questioned, already knowing the answer based on your face alone.Â
âMaybeâŠâ
Joel groaned, all of the worst case scenarios running wild through his mind as he thought about you attempting to fix it again by yourself. And the fact that you didnât call him immediately to begin with? Absolutely unacceptable. What good was having a contractor that worshipped the ground you walked on if you didnât let him tinker with any of your things? He groaned at his own stupidity, knowing that if he had worked up the courage to talk to you at any point in the last month, you probably wouldnât have felt the need to call another person to come fix your AC.Â
âIâll come by tomorrow. Just please, for my sake darling, donât be touching it again until I get there alright? You couldâve really hurt yourself doing that,â Joel begged.Â
âJoel, itâs fine. I really donât need you t-â
âI ainât asking for your permission. Iâm telling you that Iâll be at your house tomorrow morning to fix that old ass AC of yours and thatâs that. And if you donât answer the door, itâs a Sunday so Iâve got all day sweetheart. Iâll just keep on knocking until you answer it,â he cut in, grinning at the way your pupils dilated in response.Â
A small noise came from you, followed by a shaky nod that made Joel grin. You were so responsive to him, so easily affected by his words that it made him want to push the boundaries that seemed to only blur more the longer he spent time with you. He wanted to break them all down at once, to pour himself into you until you were fused together as one, but he refrained. To be with you in that way was a privilege, one that he hadnât earned yet. So until that time, he would remain at your side, allowing his feelings for you to cross into dangerous territory as he learned more about the woman heâd happily get on his knees and grovel for. Â
âI guess Iâll have to figure out some way to thank you Miller. It seems that every time I get stuck, Iâve got you coming to my rescue,â you joked halfheartedly.Â
Joel chuckled, pretending to mull it over for a moment. He had an idea of how you could make it up to him but he didnât want to push, especially with how much time you had already spent with him that day. Nevertheless, he was too greedy to stop himself, already dreading the thought of you walking back across the street.Â
âHow about you stick around a bit longer and have a bowl of ice cream with me? Thatâd make us square,â Joel proposed, trying to sound as casual as he could.Â
You grinned, âNot sick of me yet?âÂ
He shook his head and grinned back, âNot yet, no.âÂ
Joel drifted over to the freezer, groaning when he realized that all of his many flavors had been cut in half by his kidsâ inherited sweet tooth. All he had left was either chocolate or coffee, two flavors that you excitedly asked him to combine rather than choosing one. He went along with it, piling the bowls high with the impromptu mixture before he led you to the swing in the backyard.Â
It was a little bit off to the side, in a corner that held a garden and was blocked from the sun by the tree that it sat under, but it was the perfect place to sit at that time of night. With the sun setting on the horizon, turning the water in the pool a shade of pink that reminded Joel of bubblegum, he had to admit that his backyard had never looked better, even with the mess that the party had left behind.Â
âI know that Iâve probably already told you this today but you have a really nice place Joel. It feels so⊠-,â you trailed off, looking for the right word to describe it for a second before you suddenly smiled up at him and said, â - homey. Iâve never felt so comfortable at someone elseâs place before.âÂ
Every inch of Joelâs face must have lit up like a Christmas tree at that admission, he could feel it in the way all of the unused muscles around his mouth worked overtime to give you what must have been his millionth smile of the day. You felt at home in his space. That alone made this friendly barbecue better than any first date he had ever had, and he hadnât even asked you out yet.Â
âFuck, thatâs a mighty big compliment coming from you sweet girl. Thank ya,â he gushed, trying not to sound like the awestruck idiot he was.Â
You nodded, taking another bite of your frozen treat as your eyes took in the scenery once more. Joel suddenly wished he had the artistic abilities that his youngest possessed so that he could capture the way you looked in the golden light of the fading day. A picture couldnât possibly do your beauty any justice, it couldnât capture how the light danced in your eyes and polished every inch of your skin. Only someone with pure talent would be able to do that. But alas, the best Joel could do when it came to portraits was wonky stick figures, not the beautiful masterpieces you deserved to be depicted as. And he was about to tell you as much, spilling all of his lovestruck secrets as he watched you take another bite of the frozen treat, but then you spoke.Â
âI hope you donât mind that Iâve been spending so much time with your daughters. I know itâs a bit weird, but they have insanely good taste in movies, if I do say so myself,â you joked.
âSo Iâve heard,â he chuckled.Â
Your smile faltered and Joel leaned in, trying to ground you without crowding you too much.Â
âEllie and Sarah have been very kind to me. I um⊠I didnât really have a lot of kind people in my life before coming here,â you sighed.Â
Joel tried to control his face, a strange mixture of emotions running through him in response to the statement. Pride came first, the dad in him unable to not feel some sort of way upon hearing that his children had been the compassionate people he raised them to be while outside of their fatherâs watchful eye, but then came grief and above all else, outrage. He wasnât surprised that you had been around people undeserving of your presence, the constant apologizing and the way you sometimes shrunk in on yourself was enough to tell him that. What he was surprised at was how you still seemed to feel guilty about receiving the kindness of others, as if you didnât think that you were worthy of it.Â
âDarling, you can spend time with the girls whenever ya like. They love it over there and I thinkâŠ,â he sighed and shook his head, âI think itâs good for them to have someone like you around. Lord knows that I ainât the best listener at times, but you? Youâre easy to talk to and you understand them in a way that I canât. Hell, theyâd probably trade me in for you if they could.âÂ
You smiled again and Joel sighed in relief. He liked you better like that, happy and carefree, not weighed down by the past. He longed to ask you about it, to know exactly why someone as amazing as you would fold in on yourself instead of standing tall, but he couldnât. It wasnât his place and given his own closet full of skeletons, he was in no position to push.Â
âThat means a lot Joel,â you sighed once you were done, looking down at your hands before you added, âI just worry that Iâm in the way ya know? Sometimes it feels like people are just being nice and inviting me to places because they want to put me on display, or because they feel obligated to, and I just hate it so much.â
âWhat do ya mean?â
âI donât know. When I was with my ex, it felt like he was trying to show everyone else up. It was like I was in some sort of beauty contest that I never signed up for. And with my friends, my invite always felt forced or like an afterthought. Either way, nobody ever wanted me to show up somewhere and just be me so now I just canât fathom whyâŠ,â you trailed off.Â
âI understand,â Joel said quietly.
And he did, truly. Although Joel was the oldest, that didnât mean he was the most popular Miller brother, or even the smartest. He was quiet, sullen at times, and quick to anger before he had his girls. At most parties, he could be seen with a drink in hand, standing off to the side as he tried to dodge attempts to get him out onto the dance floor. And although Joel didnât know what it was like to be dragged around like some sort of prize because of his looks, he did know what it was like to feel used. Such had been the case with the last few women he had tried to date, who had all snuck into his sheets and then ran for the hills the moment he brought up meeting his kids.Â
Then there was the friend comment, which broke Joelâs heart almost more than the admission about your ex. His heart had been broken once by a woman who he thought he would raise his daughter with, Marlene, but he had gotten over that easily as he watched Sarah grow. He didnât hold any animosity towards the woman anymore, wherever she was. How could he when she had given him one of the greatest gifts? But what he would never get over, what he still could not forgive, was what Tess had done to him. It had been nearly fifteen years and thinking about his best friendâs betrayal still made him feel as he had that day. Having a shitty ex was one thing, but shitty friends? That was a hard pill to swallow.Â
âYeah um, your girls told me a bit about you. I hope you donât m-â
âOf course I donât mind,â he cut in, stopping the needless apology before it was even fully out, âYou can ask them or me anything ya like darling, I want you to know me.âÂ
You blinked, cocking your head at him for a second before you looked away. Deep in thought, your ice cream was all but abandoned, melting in your lap as you stared off into space. Joel sighed and scooched over, getting a bit closer so he could lift the bowl from your lap before it ruined the pretty pink dress you had on. He scooped the bowl up, reaching across you to put it on the small table attached to the side of the swing but when he leaned back, you were looking at him funny, like you either wanted to jump in his lap or attack him violently. Not sure which one it was, he chose the safest option and started to move out of your personal space but once again, your actions shocked him.Â
Lifting your feet up off the ground, you quickly scooched closer to his side, placing your head directly on his shoulder in a way that made him feel warm all over. Joel paused, unsure what to do with himself for a moment before you let out a small disgruntled noise that kicked him into action. He wrapped one arm around your shoulders, allowing your body to relax under the weight of it as he pulled you close. With you glued to his side and the sunset slowly fading into dusk, Joel was astounded by his own luck. He waited for the harsh sting of reality to come but it never did. All he got instead was a sleepy, âThis okay? I can move if you want,â from you.Â
âDonât you dare sweetheart, youâre perfect right there,â Joel murmured, moving his head so he could press his cheek against the top of your head.Â
Joel wasnât sure what you used for shampoo but he needed the brand name ASAP. That and your perfume, or was it a body lotion that made you smell so good? Whatever it was, he was on a mission to find it so he could buy some for himself. He wanted to spray it everywhere, to have your signature scent saturate every surface of his home, his truck, his office, but he knew it wouldnât be the same. There had to be something about you that made it so delicious, and he knew that he would forever chase that key ingredient in hopes to one day bottle it for himself.Â
âJoel?â
âYeah?,â Joel murmured.Â
âThank you for inviting me. I had a really good time today and I hopeâŠâ
He waited for a moment, giving you a chance to speak up before he asked, âYou hope?âÂ
Joel felt you shift beneath his arm and moved his head back, giving you just enough space to look up at him from where you were slumped against his side. Your face was close to his, so close that he could feel your tiny breaths puff out against his lips but he didnât pay it any mind. It was your eyes that he was looking at, so expressive yet so guarded, a small part of you still holding on to the wall you had built around yourself despite everything.Â
âNothing, itâs justâŠ,â you tried, clearly struggling to articulate whatever it was you were feeling, âYouâre kind too and I hope⊠Well, I need to be around kind people right now and I hope that I can see you a bit more if thatâs uh - if youâre not too busy with work or family.â
Without even thinking about it, Joel leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss against your forehead. It wasnât even remotely sexual, nothing but a trick he had used multiple times to soothe the cuts and bruises of his kids over the years, but it was intimate. Nevertheless, you didnât seem to care, a small smile pulling at the corners of your lips before you snuggled back into his side.Â
âYou ainât getting rid of me that easy,â Joel whispered, placing his cheek back atop of your head as the two of you watched the last bit of sun dip below the horizon.Â
âGood.âÂ
-You-
The party had ended around 8pm that night, but you didnât leave Joelâs house until well past midnight. After the impromptu heart to heart, you had fallen into a dreamless sleep, unknowingly squishing him into the corner of the swing as you napped. You were mortified when he finally woke you up, vehemently apologizing for trapping him in his own backyard as you tried to fix your rumpled dress, but he waved you off.Â
âDarling, I was fine. If I wanted to get up, I wouldâve told ya, but I was comfy like that and youâre cute when you sleep. Hell, I wouldâve let ya nap on me forever but I just didnât want us to get rained on,â Joel had chuckled, gesturing vaguely towards the sky.Â
Before you could even react to the flattery, Joel had reached out and smoothed some of your hair back in place, pulling the few strands that had fallen from your braid back behind your ear. It made you squirm under his gaze and he held his hand to you as the raindrops began to fall. What started as a drizzle soon turned into an all out downpour and Joel hurried you towards the backdoor, the both of you laughing like kids as the heavens suddenly opened up and drenched the two of you.Â
âJoel! The bowls!,â you shouted over the sound of water slapping against the pavement around the pool.Â
âFuck âem, Iâll get them tomorrowâ he yelled back, forcing another round of boisterous laughter from the two of you as the rain beat down against your backs.Â
Joel practically ripped the door open trying to get the two of you back to safety, earning another round of giggles from you as he practically launched you inside with the hold he had on your hand. Stumbling in, you barely managed to catch yourself on the island in his kitchen and wheeled around to face him. He hurried in behind you, cussing as he pulled the sliding door closed.Â
âHoly fuck, I thought weâd have more time than that,â Joel whistled, watching as lightening struck the tree the two of you had just been lounging under.Â
âMore time? How long did you wait to wake me up?,â you chuckled.Â
Joel turned to look at you, the sight of how soaked he was reigniting that spark between your legs. The shirt he had on was tight against his chest, showing off the strong physique you already had a feeling he possessed. The thick corded muscles in his arms were glistening, along with the tantalizing spot on his neck where rain water dripped from his curls. And the way he was looking, catching how you squeezed your thighs together at how breathtaking he looked, it told you that he felt the exact same way.Â
âI uhâŠ,â Joel started, swallowing once before he started again, âI wasnât ready for ya to leave yet honey. I just really didnât want today to be over, ya know?âÂ
You gave him a small smile and dipped your chin, suddenly feeling bashful. It didnât help that your whole body was basically on display, the pink dress glued to every curve, every hip dip, every imperfection as stood in front of him. And yet, when you looked back up, Joel didnât seem to see the same thing you did. At first, you thought he might be in pain, the heavy crease between his brows making it seem like he was suffering from a migraine of some sort. But as you watched as he raked his eyes up and down your figure, taking in everything, you knew that it was desire for you that had twisted his face like that.Â
âJesus, what the fuck happened to you two?â
You gasped, turning towards the teenager that had just strolled into the kitchen. Ellieâs eyes bounced between the two of you, cocking an eyebrow at the obvious tension before she shook her head and headed towards the fridge.Â
âWhat the hell are ya doing here? I thought yâall were headed to the movies,â Joel asked, seemingly just as flustered as you were.Â
âIn case you forgot old man, movies are like really long TV shows that you go to see and they are usually about 2 to 3 hours long. We left at seven forty five man,â she sassed as she dug through the freezer and pulled out a tub of cookie dough.Â
Looking over at the clock, you balked. It was a little bit after a little bit after twelve, well past your usual bedtime as a certified homebody. How long had you been outside for? You didnât even remember what time it had been when you snuck inside to do the dishes, much less when they had been finished.Â
âIâm so sorry Joel, I should probably go. I didnât realize it was that late, you probably want to get to bed soon,â you apologized, trying to pinpoint where your shoes and purse had gone in the hours since you arrived. .Â
âYou think Iâm letting ya go out there in this?,â Joel asked incredulously.Â
The wind howled outside at that moment, as if mother nature herself was trying to highlight his point. Even with how dark it was, you could see the way the trees shuddered, the branches thrashing under the gusts blowing rainwater every which way. But still, the last thing you wanted was to overstay your welcome. Which, given the fact that Joelâs youngest daughter was moseying back upstairs in her pajama pants with a tub of half eaten cookie dough in her hands, you were pretty sure that you already had.Â
âJoel, Iâm not made out of sugar. Plus, I wouldnât want to put you out seeing as youâve already been stuck with me all day and I -â
âEnough of that, câmon sweetheart,â Joel sighed as he held his hand out to you again.Â
âWait, what?,â you questioned, pulse quickening as Joel grabbed your hand again.Â
âLetâs get you warmed up,â he said, dragging you out of the kitchen without another word.Â
What you expected was for Joel to bring you towards the couch in the living room, perhaps even cover you in one of the many throw blankets that had been left on various surfaces in the room, but instead he led you towards the staircase. You squeaked as he yanked you up the steps and through the hallway, bypassing the room you knew to be Sarahâs and what you guessed was Ellieâs based on the daunting keep out sign that was tacked to the door. It was only after you passed the upstairs bathroom that you realized where he was bringing you.Â
âYouâre taking me to your room?,â you burst out, unable to keep it in.Â
Joel turned back, a sly grin on his face at the look of your flustered face. He laughed, shaking his head as he stopped at the very last door in the hall.
âWell, itâs where I keep my clothes sweetheart,â he chuckled, turning back to open the door as he added, âUnless of course you want to try squeezing into one of the girlâs clothes. Iâm sure theyâd be real comfy for ya darling.âÂ
The thought of trying to squeeze your frame into a fourteen year oldâs clothes was downright embarrassing. You were a fully grown, thirty year old woman, with all of the curves and extra padding that came with that. And with how skinny the two teenage girls were, you shuddered to think of even attempting such an impossible task.Â
âOkay fair enough. Thereâs no way these hips would fit in either of their jeans,â you chuckled, before you stuck a finger in his face,âBut no funny business Mr. Miller. This is a clothing swap, nothing more.âÂ
He laughed and nodded along, âOf course honey, wouldnât dream of anything else.â
With that, Joel left you hovering near his bed, disappearing into the walk in closet to fetch you some decent clothes. Although you longed to sit on the foot of his bed, to feel the creamy texture of what looked to be the softest sheets you had ever seen against your skin, you refrained in fear of getting them soaked. Instead, you floated around, taking in small pieces of the man while he was busy digging through his clothes. Â
There was a guitar in the corner of the room, along with a record player with a milk crate of records that unsurprisingly held the greatest hits of a few country legends. An ensuite bathroom was attached to his room, where he had left out the tub of hair gel he had used that morning and the cologne you loved so much. A painting of a deer hung above his bed, while a picture of two chunky toddlers that had to be Ellie and Sarah was placed on his nightstand. A TV hung on the opposite end of the wall over his dresser, which of course held more pictures of his girls and even one of him as a kid. Â
You picked up the old picture, smiling when you recognized the Miller brothers. They were boys whenever it was taken, no more than six and ten, but you could see exactly who was who based on their expressions alone. While Tommy was captured mid-laugh, missing several of his baby teeth as he grinned maniacally at the camera while clutching his motherâs leg, Joel was more reserved. His smile was small, surprisingly awkward even, though you could tell it had been a happy day based on the large fish he held in his hands and the proud looks that both of his parents were giving him. It made you slightly jealous but you pushed the feeling away, reminding yourself that it wasnât right to long for something so trivial as an adult.Â
âWhatcha got there?,â Joel piped up from behind you, his deep voice causing you to jump and fumble with the frame.Â
âShit, sorry. You scared me,â you laughed nervously, placing the picture down before you shattered it.Â
He shook his head and stepped forward, placing a set of soft looking clothes on the bed so he could examine your choice.Â
âAh, thatâs a good one. That was the first fish I ever caught and it was a twenty one pound channel catfish. Pops was so proud that he damn near cried. Tommy was excited too but I donât think he really understood what was going on, he was only in first grade. He just liked that everyone was cheering,â Joel laughed.Â
âI donât know anything about fishing but Iâm gonna assume that twenty one pounds is really impressive?,â you tried.Â
He snorted, âAh yes, my apologies sweetheart, I forgot you were a city girl. Yeah, itâs a pretty good catch for that kind of catfish. Anything higher than twenty pounds is considered a score.âÂ
âI was only a city girl after high school Joel, I didnât grow up in Miami,â you sassed, rolling your eyes at him, âFor your information, I grew up in a small town before that. Everyone knew each other and had their noses in everyone elseâs business, same as here probably.â
âSâthat right? Well pardon me darling, I mustâve misjudged ya. Didnât realize I had a certified backwoods beauty gracing me with her presence,â he joked.Â
âYeah well, I havenât been back there since I left for university so the city has probably rubbed off on me a bit,â you sighed, trying to remember what it felt like to be back in that town.Â
It had been twelve years since you left home, filled with dreams and ready to leave behind the place that had held you back for far too long. With nothing but twenty bucks to your name and a flashy scholarship with your name on it, you had taken the first bus out of town. You remember that day, when your eighteen year old self had left for the airport practically vibrating with excitement. Nobody had even known you were going and you didnât care to tell them, knowing even at that age that your big dreams would have been laughed out of the house. You sighed when you thought of that day and all of the aspirations you had once held, knowing that with how your life had turned out after meeting your ex during that first year of university, they would have been right.Â
âNo family then?,â he asked carefully, as if he already knew it was a touchy subject based on the way all of the muscles in your body tensed up.Â
Schooling your face, you turned to him and said as casually as possible, âNope, just me.âÂ
It wasn't really a lie, you hadnât seen any of them in years. No family members had been invited to your graduation, your wedding, or your thesis defense during masterâs, despite the fact that they were all probably still alive and well. Your parents were likely still in the same run down town, smoking on the porch as they watched the cars go by and bickered over who had drunk the last can of coke. And the one brother you had was likely either in jail or somewhere commiting the felonies that would inevitably bring him straight back. They had never liked you and the feeling was mutual even as a child, so to call them family would be a great exaggeration. And as far as your former in-laws went, you knew they were likely relieved that you had vanished out of thin air. They were probably thrilled that their precious boy had finally gotten rid of the trailer trash he had chosen, most likely already planning which debutante they wanted him to marry with you out of the way.Â
âWell,â Joel started as he awkwardly cupped the back of his neck, âI suppose itâs a good thing you chose this place then.âÂ
âWhyâs that?,â you questioned as you drifted over to the pile of clothes he had left out.Â
He shrugged, âI ainât gonna let ya get lonely over there.âÂ
A small grin spread across your face, growing by the second as you took in the truth of Joelâs promise. Whether you realized it or not at the time, the Millers had been at your side since your very first day in town. It had been mostly the girls of course, one or both of them constantly knocking at your door after they got out of school, but Joel had been there for your two most vulnerable moments. All in all, given the fact that you were now a runaway of two separate towns and families, they were probably the only people you had.Â
âThank you Joel,â you said softly.Â
âDonât thank me honey, I donât need it. Just go get dressed before you catch a damn cold,â he grunted, gesturing towards the bathroom so that you could change in privacy.Â
The clothes that Joel had given you felt just as soft as they looked, although they did sort of swallow you whole once you put them on. The grey sweatpants were so long that you had to fold them at the waist, while the sweater went halfway down your thighs. Joel was just so big and broad, so undeniably beefy that you could barely fill out his loungewear even with your curves providing some extra padding. Not that you minded really, as wearing his clothes allowed his scent to drift into your nostrils each time you moved. After hanging your drenched clothes in the shower, you shook your hair out of the braid Sarah had put in, allowing it to flow freely as you moved back into his room.Â
Joel was just coming out of the closet when you came back in, a fresh pair of sweatpants and a navy blue t-shirt hugging his frame as he swaggered towards you. Given the hefty bulge that he was sporting, you knew that he didnât have any boxers underneath and you tried hard to ignore it. It was the middle of the night and he was in the sanctity of his own home, he could do whatever the hell he wanted. However, the closer he got, the more obvious the outline of his cock became and you quickly focused all of your attention on making direct eye contact with him instead of staring at the beast that hung from his lower half.
âHow do they fit? Mâsorry baby, I know that my clothes are a bit big but I couldnât find anything smaller than that,â Joel apologized.Â
The word baby bounced around in your mind, hitting all of the pleasure points as you tried to remain calm. Had Joel called you that before? You werenât sure, but it stuck out compared to the other terms of endearment he had used so far. Sweetheart, honey, darling, those were all terms that you had convinced yourself were just a part of his Southern charm, regardless of the fact that you had never heard him refer to anyone else in that way. But baby? That felt different, almost special, and you wanted more than anything to hear him call you that again.Â
âY-Yeah, they fit alright. Iâm very cozy,â you said meekly, going weak in the knees from the dazzling smile he sent your way.Â
âGood now, letâs see if we can scrounge up some leftovers. I donât know about you but Iâm fucking starving,â he said. Â
Again, Joel didnât ask for your hand as he had before, he just took it and dragged you down the hallway behind him. He brought you to the living room first, gesturing for you to sit down on the couch before he threw a thick blanket and the remote control at you with the command to put something interesting on.Â
âI can help you in there though!,â you protested as you tried to get up and follow him, not wanting to leave him with all of the work as you lazed about on his couch.Â
âYou are helping me, now pick something for us to watch while I go get us a snack,â Joel called over his shoulder, his tone leaving no room for discussion.Â
The rest of the night followed a similar trajectory. Joel came back with plates filled with way too much food and sat at your side, uncaring that you had decided on a trashy reality TV show that you secretly loved. He even asked a few questions about one of the love triangles, laughing along as the contestants started screaming at each other over god knows what during one of the reunion episodes. Sitting on Joelâs couch, stuffing your face as you indulged in one of your guilty pleasure shows felt good, natural even. However, after you had passed off the rest of your meal for him to devour, you made the mistake of looking over to the clock and realized that it was way past time that you said your goodbyes. It was one thirty in the morning and with no more rain falling outside, along with the sleepy yawn that Joel gave once he was finished eating, you knew that it was time to leave.Â
Ever the gentleman, Joel demanded that he walk you home, ignoring your assurances that you would be fine. He had even offered his own bed first, claiming that he would sleep better on the couch anyways if he knew that you wouldnât slip on the slick pavement outside, but you shut his ridiculous worries down. At an impasse, the two of you had agreed that you would not stay the night but that he would walk you home, even if it was slightly ridiculous to think that you would run into danger in the thirty seconds it took for you to get to your front porch. It had been a quiet walk, one where neither of you said anything, almost as if you were both too scared to ruin it.Â
âAre you sure that youâre alright over here honey? Itâs gonna be mighty hot tomorrow morning with that AC of your broken and like I said, I really donât mind sleeping on the couch tonight if it means youâll get a good sleep. Itâd make me feel a whole lot better,â Joel tried one more time as he stood with you on the porch.Â
âIâll be fine Joel, itâs just one night and plus,â you added, a bit of mischief in your eye as you reached up and fixed his collar, âIâve actually got a handsome handyman coming by tomorrow, so it should be fixed in no time.âÂ
A deep crimson crept up the side of his neck, flooding his face with colour as he tried hard not to let your words affect him too much.Â
âSounds like a lucky guy,â he murmured, his breath hitching as you took a bold step into his space.Â
âHm, weâll see,â you teased.Â
Leaning forward, you placed a tiny peck on his cheek, lingering there for a moment to take in a heavy whiff of his scent. The kiss was light, barely a brush of the lips against his scratchy beard, but it seemed to hit him just as hard as any passionate makeout session would.Â
âNight Joel,â you whispered, giving him a small smile as you slowly moved away.Â
âNight sweetheart, Iâll see ya tomorrow,â he breathed, hands bunched up at his sides like he wanted to reach out but knew that he shouldnât.Â
You smiled, âHope so, handsome.âÂ
With that, you left Joel on the porch, his cheeks still flushed as you pulled the door closed. Pressing your back against the wood, you couldnât help the girlish squeal you let out as the day flashed before your eyes. Had all of that really just happened?Â
Joel Miller was good, so good that you couldnât believe the day that you had just had. He had thrown a party for you, nobody had ever done that, and he had spent nearly the entire day at your side simply because he wanted to. And afterwards, he had cuddled with you on the swing, letting you rest against him until the rain dragged you both back inside. Not to mention the fact that he had clothed and fed you, unwilling to let you walk back home in a storm despite your vehement reassurances that you were fine. It was as if someone had made the perfect man in a lab for you and you suddenly couldnât remember why you had ever wanted to keep him at a distance in the first place.Â
That is, until your phone started to ring. You drifted over to the kitchen, still running on a high as you unplugged your phone and accepted the blocked number. Although it was strange to get any calls in the middle of the night, as you were usually asleep well before midnight, you figured it would be best to answer. Afterall, maybe it was work. With how much it had rained that night, you couldnât help but worry that the one hundred year old basement of the library had finally flooded, meaning that you would have to go deal with it before the water destroyed the precious microfilms down there. Â
âHello?,â you answered, still chipper as ever despite the late hour.Â
âOh, so no answer during the day but you fucking pick up in the middle of the night? Iâve been calling you since three oâclock this afternoon, where the hell have you been? Were you out with someone else? Better fucking not have been, youâre still my goddamn wife.â
Fear, pure unadulterated fear rushed through you and turned the blood in your veins into ice. It was him. After more than a month of radio silence, a silence so potent that you had assumed that he had finally let you go, there he was, spitting venom through the phone.Â
âH-How um - how did you get this number?â
A snort came from the other line, followed by what sounded to be a heavy glass being slammed down on what had to be his mahogany desk. You had heard that sound too many times to not recognize it, even miles and miles away. Each time he had brought you into that dreaded room, the same one you had once been impressed by as a doe eyed nineteen year old that saw it for the first time as his research assistant, it was always to give you some sort of talking to. The talks were always about your behaviour, your outfit, or something stupid you had said. An invite to that room always came with a reprimand from him, drinking vodka on the rocks as he critiqued every inch of your being, before he inevitably expected you to spread your legs for him whenever he felt like it. It made you nauseous to think about it now, about how cruel you had let him be, stupidly believing that even when he toyed with your mind that it was out of love, but that was then.Â
The nineteen year old he had hired, the same one that he had shaped into his perfect girlfriend at twenty, then his perfect little wife by twenty two, then his trophy piece for events after he got tired of pretending to care, all still lived inside of you. Real life isnât like the movies, where the woman leaves her ex and suddenly becomes a different person altogether. That girl who just wanted someone to pay attention to her, who desperately needed love, was still there, along with the wife who had held onto something gnarled and twisted in hopes that it would one day make sense again. However, none of those women were under his spell anymore, his ongoing affair had made sure of that. And as broken as every single version of you still was, they were equally just as pissed off.Â
You cleared your throat, trying to sound more confident as you asked, âWhy did you call me?â
âThatâs all you have to say to me right now? After weeks of me trying to track your ass down? I am your husband you stupid bitch, watch how you fucking talk to me,â he spat.Â
You straightened up, rage coiling in your gut and tensing all of the muscles in your back like you were readying for an attack. Husband? He thought that he was still your husband? After all that he had done? You tried not to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.Â
The memory of his face when you caught him with that poor young woman flashed through your mind. He hadnât looked guilty that he was caught, just disappointed that his little game had ended before he had the chance to truly sink his talons into his next victim, which soon morphed into disgust when you had the audacity to cry in front of him over his betrayal. And later, when you had asked him outright for a divorce? He had been smug, reminding you that youâd never find another man like him, that you were nothing without him, that it was childish to ruin an eight year marriage over something that every husband did from time to time. It was enough to make you want to reach through the phone and strangle him.Â
âYou stopped being my husband the second you started fucking your research assistants behind my back Peter, now what the hell do you want from me?,â you hissed, feeling as though you could breathe fire as you spoke his name aloud for the first time in over a month.Â
âOh really? Well, we will fucking see about that you goddamn whore. I bet I wasnât the only one who stepped out, you just like holding shit over my head,â Peter shot back, but you were too angry to let his insults or ridiculous accusations phase you.Â
âListen to me you asshole,â you started, ten years worth of rage seeping into your tone as you spoke through gritted teeth, âYou are nothing to me anymore, do you hear me? Nothing.â
âDonât be a fucking dramatic,â he sighed, almost sounding bored.Â
âNo, you donât get to say shit like that to me anymore,â you seethed, letting all of the resentment peek out for the first time in ten years, âI donât give a shit what you have to say, or what your friends think, or especially what your stupid parents want, I am fucking DONE!â
âBut -â
âSign the divorce papers Peter. Or donât, I really donât give a fuck anymore. Just know, Iâll be filing for a petition to divorce your ass next week if I donât get them in my mailbox by Wednesday. You can take the apartment, the money, the cars, everything, Iâm out.âÂ
âYou wouldnât fucking dare.â
âTry me bitch,â you snapped, ending the call before he had the chance to respond.Â
You whipped the cell phone across the room, too angry to care if it broke as you watched it bounce against the back of the couch and hit the hardwood.Â
âAsshole,â you hissed to no one in particular, the sound of your voice echoing off of the empty walls.Â
Peter had taken everything from you, everything. He had taken your twenties, draining you of life, of who you were as a person, before forcing you into being the woman he wanted. And you, so desperate to have someone love you, had let him. You had grit your teeth through the entirety of the marriage, hoping that one day the two of you might return to how it had been during those early days. But being a thirty year old woman with a lifetime of experience gave you some perspective on the matter. Those early days, with all of the gifts and the compliments, had been an elaborate ruse. He had drowned you in affection, knowing that if he got you to love him, you would be easier to bend.Â
Peter had taken pieces of you, slowly and carefully, so that you didnât notice until it was too late. He was a political science professor, so you couldnât major in that, it had to be literature and history. He wanted to stay in Miami so that he could get tenure, meaning that moving out of state after undergraduate for a masters in New York like you had hoped was out of the question. He didnât like short hair, so yours had to be long. Heels soon replaced all of your more comfortable shoes, as he thought you looked frumpy in flat ones. At formal events, you had to always wear a dress, which meant that every pair of dress pants you owned had to be thrown away. He didnât want you to be smarter than him so a PhD degree became a pipedream, even though a seat at Notre Dame had once been offered to you. Pieces upon pieces were taken, until you had no idea who you were anymore without him.Â
As you marched up the stairs in your home, reeling from the call as you walked into the bathroom and started quietly taking your makeup off, you couldnât stop looking at the person who stared back at you in the mirror. She had more lines on her face since the last time you had seen her, as well as a bit more junk in the trunk, but she was there. For the first time in years, the girl who had her own wants, her own dreams, her own fucking life, was there. She looked exhausted, albeit a bit rough around the edges from her time locked away, but her re-emergence was something remarkable.Â
Peter had cheated on you. Hell, he had probably been doing it for years, but you didnât care anymore. That had been the least of the injustices he had perpetrated against you anyways. It was the manipulation that had been the worst thing, the tactics he had used to force you into a life that was meant to nurture only him being so devious that you had happily skipped towards your cell and helped him throw away the key. But his last offense had shown you the light. It had ended up being the exact thing you needed to tear you from your prison cell and shove you back into the real world again, a world that didnât revolve around him. It didnât matter if Peter didnât sign the divorce papers, or if he took every single thing you owned in court, you would be fine because at the very least it would mean that you would never have to see him again.Â
So, as you finished up your nightly routine, letting all thoughts of your previous life go down the drain with your face wash and toothpaste, you put Peter to rest. There would be a time to think about him, perhaps even dissect the damage he had done to you in greater detail when you met with the attorney, but it was not the time for such thoughts. Absolutely drained from the day, you crawled into bed, pulling the hem of Joelâs sweater up to your nose so that you could take a hit of his delicious scent. Your ex, wherever he was and whoever he was with, could go fuck himself. You had a home, a job you loved, and a handsome man that had a crush on you, a man that you knew would never say any of the shit that your ex had to you even if he was upset. Peter didnât own you anymore and he never really had, you were free.
After a lifetime in the big city and a brutal break up, you decided it was time for a change. Austin was everything you expected it to be; quiet, warm, and totally different from the fast paced environment you were used to, but what you hadnât expected was the particularly handsome stranger that lived across the street to catch you in a compromising position. Although you had hoped to put the experience behind you, the spark between the two of you was hard to ignore, especially when his two teenage daughters quickly became regular guests in your home. After years of heartache, will you be able to keep a kind and devoted man like Joel Miller at armâs length?