❁

uci | 21 | just doing me (◕ᴥ◕)

[spi-ltmilk]

https://instagram.com/p/Bf_3lISBc8a/

[remanence-of-love]

[plazm]

[memestodiefor]

[sixpenceee]

[turing-tested]

not to sound like a commie or anything but I hate how it costs money to be alive

[5tn]

[dephus]

I am in charge of how I feel and today I am choosing happiness.

Unknown (via ohteenscanrelate)

[emleslie]

5/18/18

For the past few weeks on most days, I've been averaging 7 hours of sleep per night, eating a routine breakfast (Consisting of eggs, sausage, mangoes, and lemonade), and checking/answering my emails in the morning. I have never felt so put together.

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I am happier and have become more independent. My grades this quarter are pretty good. Considering that it’s about to be week 8 soon and my grades are: A, A-, and B+. I might get a 4.0 if I get all the points in the rest of my assignments for my upper division writing class but it’s not likely. God, this class is such a pain in the ass. Aside from grades, I find my Psychodynamic Studies class to be fascinating with a professor who is engaging. On the 25th, my enrollment window opens for next fall quarter and I’m planning to have a really easy schedule. (Crim/Law C7, SocEco E8, SE 195, and BioSci N 120A)

I only need 2 upper/lower division core classes for my major!! I can probably finish all of that in a quarter and drop my minor to graduate early but nah I don’t want to rush the little time I have left in undergrad. 

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Some other updates to post since I don’t really have anyone to share to. I recently got accepted as a research assistant for a lab at school and I’m beyond excited to start the shadowing sessions today. Everything seems quite straightforward in what I need to do. I’m a bit nervous because I don’t want to fuck up. So for today I’ll be shadowing two sessions: 2:50-4:20 and 4:35-6:05. I have gotten my schedule for the next 2 weeks and in the summer I’ll get more hours then when my calendar frees up. 

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Aside from that I’ve been communicating with a PA who’s specialty is in surgery. He was kind enough to let me shadow him for a couple sessions during rounds/typical work day and what not. I’m still waiting on a couple of PA’s to email me back about other shadowing opportunities. As for my volunteer shifts in the hospital, I’ll be volunteering twice a week in 2 different departments starting in the summer! Yay! I love volunteering at UCIMC, I always feel like I’m making a difference whenever I finish a shift. 

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In regards to my personal life, I am in a healthy and mature relationship with Ryan. We’ve been openly communicating about each other’s needs so it’s been easy with him so far. We’re going to Disneyland this weekend and taking a road trip to SF next. I’m excited for what’s to come! 

[cocolobocomics]

[tackled]

[9tee]

[emleslie]

I wish I wasn’t so sensitive.

[emleslie]

1/30/18

It’s some time since I’ve been on here. I think lately I’ve been so sad and upset with myself and the quality of relationships I have with people. For the past 5 weeks, I have been feeling a bit lonely and disconnected from my life and my priorities. I thought it’s just a stage that would pass and I’ve tried to ignore it but as of late, I’ve started feeling even more lonely. Mostly because this is brought about by having a hard time with family or feeling insecure in my relationships in general. I feel like I am too open as a person, that I come on to strong with my personality and people don’t always react positively to it. My heart hurts because of the sad realizations that anchor me to understand that I am not happy with myself. Sometimes I just want to talk to my friends but its hard because I feel like I’d be burdening them with my problems. People are so used to me being so open, loud, and at times straight up obnoxious. I’m scared to tell them because I know how they are and know that my problems will be circulated around to their friends as well. The weirdest thing about being an enfp is that you’re known for being emotional yet barely anyone sees you being truly vulnerable. Being portrayed as the consistently histrionic bubbly one is mostly inaccurate because I find myself looking dead inside. 

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I love to talk about what’s going on with my life and encouraging my friends to grow. I just wish that encouragement would be reciprocated to me as well. I don’t like to say and admit that my feelings are hurt and withdraw to process feelings in private. I think I need to hear how much I matter to someone. I always seem so happy and cheerful to others, and I usually am. But sometimes, when I feel out of sorts, I feel like I can’t talk about it because my feelings will be invalidated. Only because of how I am 99% of the time.

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What’s been terrifying me is that I’ve been asking my more reserved friends what they want to do but then I find myself getting too excited and kinda rushing them into answering. Afterward, I feel terrible because I feel as if I’ve coerced my friend into doing what you want to do. I feel like I’ve overextended my welcome with some friends and it hurts me for not realizing my boundaries. I want to apologize and know that its sometimes better just to leave it the way it is, when all I want to do is talk to them about it. I feel like I’m losing my friendship with Ken, JP, and Amanda. 

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I am sad.

[leyorio-deactivated20170725]

[theliteraryjournals]

People change, no use getting sentimental about it. Move on, find someone else.

David Nicholls, One Day (via wordsnquotes)

[love-personal]

Iceland!