Just want to get some things off my mind considering the fact that tumblr is my safe space although I donโt have much interaction with my mutuals.
Iโm TIRED
honestly Iโm tired of not having any substantial solid relationships in my life.
Iโm already struggling living alone in my 20โs โฆ. Iโve been on my own since 17 I am now 25 โฆ. And majority of this time I was in a relationship until 2 years ago. Since the end of that long exhausting relationship Iโve decided that I was going to work on having lasting respectful relationships in my life. That goes for relationships with my friends and family and hopefully for a special someone. I spent a while getting to know myself โฆ.. so Iโm pretty aware of my own shitโฆ BUT for some reason I cannot keep a friend โฆ or a spouse ?? Like I canโt even get past a few text messages. And I try ! So hard to make plans with people but nobody really expresses interests in hanging out with me .., not my friends not a family member โฆanyoneโฆ. Now for dating ?! Itโs been terrible for me. Nobody likes me enough to want to get to know me deeper than just the obvious surface shit. Nobody wants to take me out on a date or even really cares about my feelings. Itโs exhausting for me cause I constantly over extend myself and try and try and try and Iโm always trying to figure out whatโs wrong with me and why I cannot hold onto anyone โฆ.. or keep anyoneโs attention for longer than a few days โฆ. So I find my self disassociating to try and disconnect from my sad lonely reality. I have everything in life that I need and want. Finances are good , I have a beautiful apartmentโฆ 2 dogs โฆ a car โฆ money โฆ but I donโt have anyone to share the fruits of my labor with. Not even a friend. I feel so lost and alone majority of the time. Itโs literally killing me โฆ. Iโm longing for things that money canโt buy. I just want a genuine vibe :( I donโt want to have to beg for a friend or a boyfriend/girlfriend. Why doesnโt anything just flow or relationships come naturally ? I have friends with 2 3 4 boyfriends โฆ. Constantly going on dates and doing things with other friends โฆ so I know itโs possible. But it never works out for me โฆ. I donโt want to die alone. I donโt want this loneliness to consume me โฆ. Itโs so frustrating.
Can anyone relate ?
