This woman in front on me starts complaining and demanding the "sandwich maker " to replace your gloves, I dont want germs on my food."
She changes gloves after putting meat on. Then woman says '
" Put another pair on. You touch the oven handle."
The Employee was super calm and did as she asked.
When woman paid for food she handed the employee about 12 1$ Bill's. She got her food , cup and sat down.
I paid for my food , and was getting a drink. When I look over woman just sits down, opens wrapper and starts eatting the sub.
In a Crowded subway I told her " ma'am, you was worried about that employees gloves. And you just touched 12 1$ Bill's that have a high chance of being run thru a stripper's ass. And now you're eatting your sandwich without gloves or washing your hands!"
She drops sandwich in wrapper and throws it away and leaves.
Guy behind me says " should gave it to me. I've ate worse!"
An Aussie was head down into his schooner when this yank slapped him in the back of the head.
The Aussie asked "What was that for?"
The yank swung his arms around in a pose and said "that was some kung fu from China"
The Aussie shakes his head and ignores the man when he hit him again.
"Now what the fuck was that for?!" The Aussie said angrily, nostrils flaring and eyes bulging.
The yank struck another pose and said "that was some judo from japan"
'Fair game' the Aussie thought and finished his schooner in one gulp then left.
30 minutes go by and the Aussie returns to see the same yank had taken up his old stool.
The Aussie walks up behind the yank and hits him, the yank then falls off the stool and is unconscious.
The Aussie looks up at the man at the bar then says
"When this fucker wakes up, tell him that was a crowbar from Bunnings"
Man walks into a bar carrying two items under each arm and places them onto the bar, a brass looking lamp and a shoe box with what it sounds like to be coming from it was music.
The man orders a beer and the bar manager agrees to get one for him, while pouring the beer from the tap he can't take his eyes away from the box and the other item he could only describe as a brass teapot.
The manager sets the glass of beer down in front of the man and asks "what do you have there?"
The man says "I'll show you if i get the drink on the house"
the Manager weighs his options but the curiosity got the better of him "fine"
the man lifts up the brass lamp and said "this is a once off deal, there is a genie inside, you rub the lamp and it will grant you one wish only, give it a try"
The manager thinks the man is joking but obliges none the less, he rubs the side and says "i wish i had a billion bucks"
Suddenly the bar was filled will a million ducks, flapping and swarking and cooing and shitting all over the place and disrupting all the other patrions.
"tha fuck is going on!" the manager screamed
the man then said "oh i forgot to mention, the genie is hard of hearing" then he proceeds to take the lid off the shoe box.
inside is a tiny man and a piano playing music and not skipping a note.
"i didn't ask for a 8 inch pianist..."
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy,"How much?"
Man - "Highway robbery. Sold."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your gloves, let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost.
I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth with the Priest to confess his sins and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that crap again, you're in my closet now."
snowghoul
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