| certain uncertainty |

Keepsake in the form of writings

[emsiwritesstuff]

G—the classic reply we receive;

And it’s funnier because if your consistency

But we do appreciate you being “g”

Rarely saying no and having opinions,

It’s nice to know that if we needed a company, you’ll be “g”

Even if we joke about it, I hope you don’t change

Live life to the fullest! Always be on the “g”.

Happy birthday!

Also, g for gym?

[emsiwritesstuff]

Dahil babalik tayo sa katotohanan na ang may kilala lamang sa sarili natin ay tayo.

Kaya siguro pinag-iisipan ko kanina yung existence ng tao habang nasa byahe ako.

“Things can be replaceable, but experiences—we cannot. Everything is unique to our perspective.”

Just like our experiences with people, and with the world. No one experiences it like we do; we all see it in different lenses. Even if we grow up in the same culture, in the same household. Every bit of experience that we have is unique to us alone. We cannot replicate our lives, no one can see the world the way that we can—but we try.”

Little bits of similar thoughts and feelings, but however we try, the reality is our experience is ours alone.

Ourselves—experienced by others might be seen so differently than how we see ourselves.

Maybe that’s what they mean whey they say the truth is different for each person.

But anyway, most of what I thought about when I was on my way home was the perspective of our life will determine how we live (duh of course); naalala ko kasi yung nabasa ko na “people who say that their goal is to be happy are often the unhappiest” and maybe it’s true—dahil sila yung mga taong nakikita yung dahilan bakit hindi sila masaya. Or maybe because they keep chasing happiness—which is non permanent.

Just like every thing else—it is a passing experience. We can only appreciate what is here in the present.

Malalaman lang natin yung lesson pag tapos na. Magsisisi lang pag wala na. We’ll be nostalgic of events only after it happened—don lang natin malalaman na hindi pala basta-basta kahit na parang normal lang yung araw-araw kasi yun yung mga araw na humuhubog sa kung sino ka.

Balikan ko lang intro ko, “ang may kilala lamang natin sa sarili natin ay tayo.” Dahil kahit anong paliwanag mo sa ibang tao ng intensyon mo, nakadepende pa rin yon sa kung paano ba nila nararanasan ang pagkatao mo.

[emsiwritesstuff]

Happy birthday!

Lorraine is your name, but I knew you first as Superming-- On valorant, on discord and finally, in the flesh! Rarely talking at first; I guess vibe check was necessary. Randomly I was popping up at your valo queues, And I got in the circle of your close friends. It was nice too see you've opened up your world with me. Needless to say, I'm glad you've welcomed me in your world; Every moment you share is precious as I can see.

And I hope one day you'll be able to live life to the fullest; Never doubt--that time will come. Now, the days may not be so kind, Even so, I hope you find joy in moments of your life.

[emsiwritesstuff]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Juggling academics and life; Odds beaten one step at a time. Not letting dilemmas consume your sanity-- Approaching life with infinite positivity. Hardships got nothing on you.

Granted that sometimes you'll fail, Remember that it's just a part of life. Always see how far you've come, Comparison will always be a thief of joy; just Enjoy your day, and your life no matter what :)

[emsiwritesstuff]

click clack

tip tap tip tap. Typing away nothing just to hear the creamy sounds of my keyboard.

I've been wanting to write, but not gonna lie, I have nothing to write about.

Maybe it because I'm happy.

I've read somewhere that it's easier to write about sad things, maybe grief is something that eats away your soul that you can only express it through writing.

But I want to write about the happy things too.

I want to remember the times that I'm happy.

Even if it's messier than grief.

The laughs we exchange when we're all tired, but we still need to clutch one last round; or when someone's peripheral stops working and loses the round, or when someone from the enemy team is rage baited by someone from our team.

Sometimes we're tired from real life and plays the game just to breathe. It's tiring, sometimes we even lose some sleep. But it's all worth it, because we've bonded so much because of all these games.

[emsiwritesstuff]

I want my life to tell a story. I want to remember everything even if it's impossible.

So, I'll write everything, take pictures, get trinkets if I can. I'll display everything in my room even if it seems a little messy because then I can see the moments I've lived.

I want my room to remind me of events I might forget. Every corner covered with something that means I've lived for a moment.

I want to live; I want my life to be something worth remembering even if it's only just for me, because at the end this is the only life that I get.

[emsiwritesstuff]

@

Palaging babalik sa pinagmulan. Hindi linear ang agos ng buhay. May mga bagay na paulit-ulit nating mararanasan hanggang sa may matutunan.

Panibagong pananaw ang makukuha natin pag tayo'y natuto; magugulat ka na lang iba na ang ginagawa mo sa mga bagay na dating nagpapahirap sa'yo.

Pero isang paalala pa rin na hindi lahat ng bagay madali mong malalampasan. Maaari ka pa ring mapagod, mawalan ng kakayahan. Iisipin mong sumuko at tumakbo na lang pabalik sa dating nakagawian; pero dapat ka lang huminga at bigyan ng oras ang sarili para magawan ng paraan.

Walang masama kung pipiliin mong huminto muna. Pwede mong tahakin ang buhay sa bilis na gusto mo, hindi mo kailangan ikumpara kung nasaan ka na ngayon sa ibang tao dahil iba pa rin ang pinag dadaanan nyo. Madali makita kung nasaan na sila, pero wala ka rin namang ideya sa kung anong tinahak nila, kaya wag mo na ikumpara yung kinatatayuan mo sa iba. Isipin mo na lang kung nasaan ka na.

Saan ka ba nanggaling? At saan ka ba patungo? Kung may isang tao kang dapat ikumpara, yun ay sarili mo lang laban sa sarili mo. Dahil iyon lang ang alam mo kung ano talaga ang pinagdaanan, kung ano ang mga pinagpilian.

Palagi mong balikan ang pinagmulan mo, para makita mo kung gano na kalayo ang narating mo.

[emsiwritesstuff]

Binibining hindi takot magpakatotoo—ang ngalan nya ay Santo.

Alam kung pano maging makatao, hindi takot sa sasabihin ng ibang tao.

Gumawa sya ng lugar kung saan malaya kang maging totoo;

At pag isipan ang ekspresyon na iyong gustong ipabatid sa mundo.

Mamahalin mo ang lugar na ito pati ang mga tao rito.

Unang kita pa lang sa kanya, magiging komportable ka na.

Napakagaan ng enerhiyang binibigay ni Santo,

Di mo mamamalayang tapos ka na nyang butasan sa gaan ng kanyang kamay,

Obra nyang pag iyong nakita—ika’y mamamangha.

[emsiwritesstuff]

Ginto at titanyong metal ang matatagpuan nyong gamit nila;

Unang punta ay paniguradong masusundan ng ikalawa.

Haplos ng sining ay makikita sa kahit anong sulok sa lugar na ito,

Ikaw mismo ay magiging sining pagpasok mo rito.

Tutusukin ka dahil gusto mong masaktan ang iyong pagkatao—

Iindahin ang ilang buwang pagpapagaling para sa ekspresyon na pinili mo;

Nariyan sila para gabayan ka sa prosesong ito.

Titintahan ang balat ng disenyong nagsasaad ng damdamin mo.

Ang lugar ng malaya; lugar na aking babalik-balikan kahit nasaan pa.

[emsiwritesstuff]

I’ve been told to swim, so I did.

No one told me the depths of it, I just followed blindly because you said you loved me and want the best for me.

But it was my fault for trusting you wholly, I trusted your words.

Everyone can see how dumb I looked—almost drowned because I was swimming in places I shouldn’t be.

You made me look like a fool for your own entertainment—curse you and all the people who just watched.

How can it be my fault when I was the one who was just loving purely?

[emsiwritesstuff]

There will always be endings—in stories, in music, in life.

Holding on to memories will be our last resort, because we’re the ones in control.

Even if other people begs us to forget dark memories, it will be our choice.

Each one of us has the power to create and hold on to all sort of memories.

No one but us has that kind of power over our lives—to create, to take a leap of faith.

Don’t try to overthink too much about what could happen and just live life.

[emsiwritesstuff]

Suddenly, it hit me.

No one can really know us. No matter how much we tell them who we are, they can only know an interpretation of us.

Our stories, our past, hell, even our daily lives—we tell these stories based on everything we’ve experienced, and no one, no one can and ever will ever experience the same things we’ve had.

From the moment we were born—our journey started, and eveything we’ve ever done, shaped who we are today.

I can tell the people stories from my past but they will never know that person, because who I am now has already changed based on those past events.

And honestly it just blows my mind how we think that we can ever know someone. Because in reality? We can’t.

We’re forever changing and we can only hope that the people who we love will stay no matter how we change.

[emsiwritesstuff]

Happiness is a choice.

The world is out there for us to conquer. I'm here for you as you are for me. I will always want the best for you, baby. I know I'm not perfect—I will make wrong judgements for as long as I live. I can only hope that you'll stay with me as I learn from it all as I will with you.

Some of your actions may be habitual and ordinary for you, but all the things that you do for me is appreciated. Every time you choose to hold my hand in public, every kiss you initiate, every hug you give, every moment you take just to remind me that you love me—I see it all, I feel it all.

To be honest, I'm not really sure what you see in me and yet you're with me. So, thank you for choosing me. I trust that no matter what, you know what's best for you and that's what you'll choose.

I love you and I will always want you to be happy.

In the end, I can only hope that I’m a choice you’ll continue choose.*

edit: *Know that you are never obligated to choose someone else aside from yourself. Putting yourself should always come first. As much as I want to delete that line, this is what I felt before we cleared some things up so I'm gonna leave it at that.

[emsiwritesstuff]

Unidentified pain is always much worse

Not knowing what’s the trigger

Not knowing what to heal

Not knowing how to ask for help

It’s like being lost at sea

Drowning

Yet seeing everyone else breathing just fine

How can I tell the people I need help when I don’t even know what from?

[emsiwritesstuff]

Why does hiding feel so good?

Going places where no one knows you, anywhere where no one knows your name, or your story— a different country; deep in the forest; on top of the mountain; deep in the ocean; on the internet where you have anonymity.

We find comfort from strangers because they cannot judge us, they only know what we want them to know. Is that still hiding, though? Or are we really introducing who we really are when we talk to someone who doesn't have an idea of us?

What makes us, us?

Does hiding really feel good? Or do we really want to be seen for who we are? Without prejudice, without expectations, without being subjected for who we are.

[emsiwritesstuff]

Stepping back just to breathe; I think everything’s making me dizzy. There’s a voice at the back of my head reminding me that I want to disappear, I have to disappear—but not really.

I’m being reminded to check in on myself. When things are too much, there’s nothing wrong with taking a pause; the people who are meant to be in my life will understand that this is something I need to do.

Deactivate. Delete. This phase is very crucial because this is where I’ve met myself back then, and I know this is where I’ll always meet myself. With no one else around. Just me and my thoughts.

I may be drowning but I’ve learned that this will not kill me at all—I just have to use words to vomit them after drowning in thought.

[emsiwritesstuff]

:)

I often catch myself smiling when I stare at you because I can't believe that I'm with someone like you—a friend, a partner.

Love was something I found everywhere; but receiving it from you feels comforting. Like there was no doubt that this is how it's supposed to be.

Being in situations where I would've run away if I was still the same person before, made me realize how much I've changed and how much I value what we have.

With you, everything is easier. Simply existing next to you comforts me in ways you can't imagine; and when we talk about the future, it doesn't feel so far.

You have definitely added so much more to my life, and I'm glad I welcomed you in it. I hope you stay, forever, if forever is possible. Just know that you won't be alone as long as I am here.