Cut my Pie into Pieces

This is an Apple Torte

[depsidase]

[enby-denby]

Imagine having to dodge missles propelled by bull jizz

[isawken]

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

[bluelois]

Blue Lois

[isawken]

can i help you

[redmarge]

Red Marge

[isawken]

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[isawken]

i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me

[theconcealedweapon]

[enby-denby]

Friendly reminder that the original cops were Pilkington Stike Breakers... anti-union soldiers of capital

[joeyclaire]

we say words like rape and pedophilia and incest and serial killer and murder and nazi and white supremacy because serious topics deserved to be confronted head on here, sir

[theconcealedweapon]

"We need to reform the police to be more understanding of autistic people."

Well, that's impossible.

Police are trained to bully people into giving false confessions and surrendering their rights.

You can't reform that.

The harm to autistic people is intentional.

[theconcealedweapon]

"We need to reform the police to be more understanding of autistic people."

Well, that's impossible.

Police are trained to bully people into giving false confessions and surrendering their rights.

You can't reform that.

The harm to autistic people is intentional.

[miraclemaya]

living in one of those free use public sex kinda hentai but no one wants to have sex with me so i mostly just stay home and post. i look outside and sigh wistfully at the sight of a woman getting eaten out so hard she somehow cums twice in one moment and then close my blinds so i can focus on cookie clicker

[str8aura-no-not-that-one]

Charles guiteau

[communistrainbowdash]

The man who assassinated James Garfield??????

[str8aura-no-not-that-one]

[prime89]

I will always love how you can learn things that your history class failed to teach you from shitposts on this site. Never change.

[comicgeekscomicgeek]

You don’t get knowledge delivered like this on other webbed sites and apps.

[tobiasdrake]

Can you imagine being Gandalf? Getting shit from other wizards because you have a thing for hobbits and you're just like, okay. Okay, maybe I'll temper my fascination with hobbits.

This Ring quest will have two hobbits. Maximum.

Then they all get to Rivendell and have somehow multiplied into four hobbits. And it's like. Okay. Maybe the others are right.

Maybe this is too many hobbits.

We have as many hobbits as we have not-hobbits.

But damn it, you just don't want to get rid of any of these hobbits. Screw it! Everyone can deal. Four hobbits. This is a four hobbits problem.

So away you go.

And things go bad in the worst possible way.

Over and over.

You've lost your hobbits. You've lost yourself. The fellowship has been separated.

It takes everything in your power to help the humans defend themselves, bringing them together to save Rohan. Finally, as things begin to look upright, you're ready to face the war with everything the Rohirrim have left.

You're ready to face him. This may be the hardest battle you've ever fought. But you ride.

Then you get there and two of your fucking hobbits are sitting there like "Yeah, while you were gone, we raised a tree army and beat Saruman's ass. Wanna help us loot his tower?"

....

There were not, in fact, too many hobbits.

This was a four hobbits problem.

[elodieunderglass]

A wizard neither underestimates nor overestimates the number of hobbits needed for an equation. He, er, always has precisely as many as he needs to.

[comfect]

Smaug is a one-hobbit problem

Saruman a two-hobbit problem

Sauron a four-hobbit problem

I propose that, had hobbits existed at the time, this implies Morgoth would have been an eight-hobbit problem.

[dumbass-transboy]

Anyone can be a misogynist whether or not they grew up as a woman and whether or not they are a woman now. Trans men and trans women both experience misogyny on top of transphobia, transmisogyny, and transandrophobia. This has to be a baseline understanding we all have.

[lilithcreature]

MY FINAL MII (on tomodachi life ltd)

please give me suggestions for my final mii on tomodachi life!!!

i have a good amount of clown and horror miis already and obviously i have toro and all the pokepi too

[enby-denby]

Ok, are you ready for this?

Tiny Headna Mode

You put one of those horseshoe mustaches on a mii of any color (red would be ideal, because it fits Incredibles theme, but any dark or simply non-skintone color would work), you then paint in the chin a light peach color and shrink all these facial features:

Beneath and inside of the mustache. The end result should look like Enda Mode from the Incredible, but with tiny head mode on.

As a last detail, you'll want to pitch up her voice well beyond its normal register, to make it sound like her vocal chords shrunk as well.

[finnglas]

There’s an episode of Sesame Street (on Netflix! you can watch it easily!) where Elmo attends a toy-swap, where you offer up old toys you don’t play with anymore and receive someone else’s toys that are new to you. Cute!

But Elmo, after cheerfully surrendering his old toys, sees that the children who swapped toys with him are playing with his toys “wrong”! They’re imagining entirely different make believe scenarios! They’re pretending the football is a dinosaur egg instead of a rocket ship! Aaahhhhh!!!! And this is so distressing to poor Elmo that he does the unthinkable: He does swapsies-backsies and takes all his toys back!

This being Sesame Street, he learns that you can’t control how other people play pretend, but you can join in if you want to! And if you don’t want to, that’s ok, you can just play pretend your own way by yourself or with someone else who wants to play that way too. You can still be friends with people who play pretend differently than you (and aren’t being mean/harmful/etc, do not bad-faith-read this 🤨).

Anyway this is a post about fandom.

[ryan-sometimes]

When people justify using gen AI by talking about how it allows them to do (insert creative hobby) it sends me into a blind rage. The whole point of the creative hobby is to use your brain. Having a machine do it for you defeats the purpose. That’s like saying you’re getting into running marathons then just driving the 42km

[raccoonmilf]

If the only thing that has kept you going was outliving Mitch McConnell, imma need yall to pick a new person to outlive and fast. Your mission is not over.

[enby-denby]

Is this how I find out?

[strawberrychoc0oo]

"proshitters are normalizing the fetishization of the romanticsation of the sexualization of the markiplierzation"

*proceeds to make epstein jokes, diddy jokes, and edp jokes and accuses strangers on the internet who are minors of being predators and compares drawings to real csam/csem of REAL children*

[byjove]

he has no personality, I cannot think of any 3 ‘interests’ less interesting, which would be fine if he wasn’t also fucking evil

the post went on to detail how he wants her to lose 40 pounds too (she frames it as being due to his interest in fitness and not the fact he is a loser) and all of the commenters are saying “hey, red flag, code red, all of this is bad, not a single good thing about him, he really sucks and he is making demands/setting expectations that are controlling and ridiculous” and she is making edit after edit defending him up and down despite being the one to ask the internet their opinion. I’d never tell anyone to stay quiet about their relationship because that is a surefire way to protect abusers but stop coming online to tell everyone about your evil boyfriend and then express defensiveness and misplaced anger at people giving you advice on an advice forum. just log off if you don’t like the advice.

[livinces]

[girlfailure-poetics]

this website is always finding new and exciting ways to prove this image true

[clonedroids]

Because I feel like kids of color don’t hear it enough: domestic abuse is not a part of your culture. 

A lot of us were raised with the idea that “its normal for wives/children to get hit! it helps them learn– only white folk don’t get beaten when they misbehave”. That’s not true, white people aren’t the only ones who deserve a safe and abuse free environment. Black and brown people can and do have loving families. 

If you’re in a situation where you are enduring abuse and people use your culture to justify it, I want you to know that what they’re telling you are lies.

[dragon-in-a-fez]

as someone who studies this: statistically speaking, child abuse (including “spanking”, because all forms of hitting children are abusive) is pretty much equally prevalent in households of all racial, ethnic, and cultural backgrounds. so yeah, don’t let people use the “culture” excuse on you, but also, don’t believe others are experiencing it less just because it’s less normalized in their culture to talk about it. we all gotta work together to fix this shit.

[brown-spider]

All the black & latino ppl who joked about Miles Morales saying “Whatever” to his parents, saying that he should “know he cant get away with that like white kids can” and “lmao did he forget that he’s black/has a latina mom???”

You aren’t better behaved because your parents beat you. “Knowing your place” did not make you more dignified than white children, you were being needlessly abused.