My Way Is More Fun.

Indie Crypto-137 RP blog from the 2005/2020 Destroy All Humans! game. Written by Alezor, follows back with lacertilia-hub. Read rules before interaction.

[encrypto-137]

//Well, the run I had while muse was strong was a blast; time to put this one on hiatus til the awful gremlin returns to me

[encrypto-137]

Crypto, what have you been up to lately? Have anything special going on?

‘Been pretty quiet n’ on the down low if I’m speaking truthfully. It’s boring, but I cant be assed to do anything about it right now.’

[encrypto-137]

Hey Crypto, today is Halloween! What do you plan on doing?

‘Prowl the streets, pose as a lawn ornament perhaps - til I’m ready to go trick or treating myself. Lots of monkeys running amuck tonight, none the wiser of a Furon in their midst from costume obsession.’ Picking sharp teeth with a claw Crypto then smirks. It’s not a kindly gesture in the slightest, lips fully peeling away from gums and settling under eyes in a freakish leer. 

‘It’s a night of horror. I don’t have’ta use holobob to do what I want.’

[encrypto-137]

Crypto, is it true that you have a clown costume? Or is that just a mere myth?

‘That was a one time thing; but damn was it fun to hear the humans scream about something as trivial as a clown.’

[encrypto-137]

Since Halloween is approaching, might as well ask a Halloween question. Crypto, have you ever tried candy? Y'know, the sugary stuff that are in tiny wrappers that humans snack on?

‘Snitched one or two in my nights out on the town. Not a huge fan; tacky, sticks to fangs or leaves bad taste in the mouth afterwards.’ Lifting a finger the invader then cracks a smile as crimson eyes twinkle in thinly veiled maliciousness, ‘Though, candied meats are more the rage for me. Eyes, tongues, brains... The internal fluids make everything much more palatable.’

[encrypto-137]

Do you have healing abilites?

‘To a degree. What I can’t heal is the Mothership’s problem and some potent meds.’

[encrypto-137]

Do you want to have that many clones?

‘Hardly. If anyone is gonna do killing it’s going to be me, and not shared hands of other selves. I said it once and I’ll say it again: I don’t like to share.’

[encrypto-137]

What would happen if all 137 Cryptos worked together?

‘A burnin’ city. Maybe a metropolis. Lots of death, just how I like it.’

[encrypto-137]

Do they really count as "monkey" brains when there's a bit of Furon DNA in them?

‘If it’s in a monkey, then it’s a monkey brain.’

[encrypto-137]

I wanna touch your face. Squish you with my hands. The whole nine yards.

‘My face is hardly squishy. More boney and toothy.’ The invader clarifies, then crosses arms over chest as a crimson eye narrows in a skeptical squint. ‘Touch me and you’ll loose your hands; unless you can use your feet as an extra pair I advise against it.’

[encrypto-137]

You may have my last remaining braincell. It's not like it actually works.

'Very few monkey braincells do; don't fret.'

[encrypto-137]

Hey Crypto, if you ever need a brain you can have mine. I don't think I'll be needing it anymore.

'Your donation is graciously accepted, grey flesh.'

[encrypto-137]

//bleeergh what even is muse

[encrypto-137]

//I apologize for tardiness, I promise I’m still alive! Muse has just been stubborn lately as well as words

[encrypto-137]

“In case you hadn’t noticed, this whole place is falling apart!”

Mass Effect Starters

Crumbling brick and mortar. Rusted beams. Mould on the walls. Crude graffiti. A rat’s haven, or in this case, an alien’s. He had purposes, nefarious and monkey endangering, but to figure out what he wanted to do Crypto had to scope the dilapidated structure. 

Venturing about was easy enough with a stolen identity. Some unassuming human in a coat, jeans and backpack had been present upon the Furon’s arrival, in turn fueling technology and gut. Zap-O-Matic made quick work of human fats and flesh so that it could be ingested, and then whatever was left had a pass of Disintegrator Ray to make a fine layer of soot.

With as trashy as the place was nobody would be any wiser. 

Head bowed as Crypto prowled around the area he made a pass through the upper floors before making it back down to ground level. Condemned but not marked for destruction yet. Maybe he could-

Starting at the voice, the guised Furon swung towards the source. He was expecting a human, and a human Crypto got albeit lab coated, gangly... unconventional. Hm. Crimson tinted irises - a side effect of Holo-Bob technology letting true nature bleed through, survey Heins with thinly veiled interest from under furrowed brows.

‘I have,’ comes quip. ‘Maybe today it’ll all come crashing down.’

[encrypto-137]

I don’t know why people used to think you’re green, (maybe it’s because I’m green???), but thankfully people nowadays seemed to have gotten the hint

‘I blame the blasted lighting of this mudball sometimes, colouring everything certain shades! If anything I’m closer to blue or purple to green.’

[blackcatmemes]

Mass Effect Starters

Quotes taken from the Mass Effect games.

“An eye for an eye; a life for a life. Well he owes me ten lives and I plan to collect.”

“May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you’re dead.”

“Stand in the ashes of a trillion dead souls and ask the ghosts if honor matters. The silence is your answer.”

“I don’t need luck. I have ammo.”

“Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong.”

“Fuck you and thanks for asking.”

“Your time is precious. Spend it wisely and with those who care for you.”

“Is submission not preferable to extinction?”

“ Why is it whenever someone says ‘with all due respect,’ they really mean ‘kiss my ass?’”

“In case you hadn’t noticed, this whole place is falling apart!”

“Burn you son of a bitch.”

“But only now do I feel alive. That is your influence.”

“In the end, what they chose to call us is irrelevant. We simply… are.”

“Your extinction is inevitable.”

“You still sassin’ me soldier? I think you need more physical training.”

“The only hope of survival is to join with them.”

“You would doom our entire civilization to complete annihilation, and for that, you must die.”

“After time adrift among open stars, among tides of light and to shoals of dust, I will return to where I began.”

“An assassin is a weapon to be used. A tool. If a person were to kill a man would you hold the gun responsible?”

“I know you will see this through to the end for all of us, no matter the cost.”

“Sometimes crazy is the best way to go.”

“You have the right to remain silent. I wish to God you’d exercise it.”

“Human history is written in a litany of blood shed over differing opinions of government and afterlife.”

“Just because I like you doesn’t mean I won’t kill you.”

“We’ve lost good people. We may lose more.”

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe we can’t win this. But we’ll fight you regardless!”

“I fight for the right to choose our own fate. And if I die, I’ll die knowing that I did everything I could to stop you.”

“I’m sorry, I’m getting a lot of bullshit on this line.”

“I’m pleased that the imminent destruction of all organic life has improved you career opportunities.”

“Please tell me you didn’t hear that.”