Life and Journey

I am Lon.

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I’ll never forget this night, y'know.

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Happy birthday!

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So near yet so far. So close yet so unreachable. This is how we started.

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Damn It!: Emotions Unleashed

I tried to keep it to myself but I'm slowly breaking down. So, yeah, I decided to release this monster inside my soul thru this blog post. Who cares by the way, this is my blog and you guys don't have an idea how depressed I am feeling right now.

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From the very first day, I had an idea that this journey together will have a very rough road ahead, but I didn't mind, I still continue to try and proceed to my destination. We have been caught in a very complicated predicament, and, I admit, it caused me doubts if I would still continue. But my feelings for you is so strong that I never mind what awaits us ahead. I thought that by giving my utmost effort, we will reach our destination together. We started our adventures together, holding each other's hands. When you said that we should still try to keep what we had as a secret, I obliged. I waited for the time when you're ready. Even if I really want to show the world how happy and blessed I am to be with you, I waited. We almost had it. We almost made it. But you gave up along the way, you realized it isn't me who you want to spend the rest of the journey with.

I've been hurt so many times as I try to chase you, I am not complaining though. I still want to try and have you back again, and make you realize that we can both make it. But you've already made up your mind, and nothing I do will make you change that. You are best in choosing the right words to hurt me, the right actions to get rid of me. You coerced me to believe that what we had has to stop. Now, you win.

Even after what you've done, I'm still missing you. I'm still waking up at midnight or at dawn, and couldn't get back to sleep, because all of a sudden I think of you, I think of us. I still miss your smile, your lips that I used to kiss. I still miss your beautiful face that I used to stare at. Despite of what happened, I still miss you. I miss us.

What to do next? I honestly don't know. I was drowned by the idea of love that we used to have, and you caught me off guard when you left me. Even though, I had an idea that it would happen, I was still not prepared when it actually happened. I chose to trust your "I love you". Even though the symptoms are obvious, I still tried to make myself believe that it wouldn't happen, but fear didn't leave me at all. So, again, what's next? I guess, I shall try to stop right here. Not because I don't love you anymore, but because I still do. I always do.

I shall stop bothering you, but not loving you. I will try to keep the feelings I have for you inside me, where no one would judge and where nobody would dare to stop me. Damn it!

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I still write about you. I still write about how we laughed about some silly things, your laugh is the cutest, your voice is the sweetest. I always want to see you smiling because when you do, that's when you're most beautiful. When I am  mad at you, just one smile and I'll forget about it. I will always be happy seeing you with a beautiful smile, I always want to be the reason behind your smile. I always want to be part of your happiness, whatever will it be. I still write about you. I still write about our food trip as early as 3am, as we wait for the bus that you will be riding in. The way we argue about where should we eat this time, about what food should we order. You always don't want to be asked, and when I still do, you always don't give me an answer so I always end up to be the one who's deciding where we would eat. The moments together during long walks or on the train and bus. I still write about those little arguments and fights and how I hold you tighter when you seem to let go. I still write about you. I still write about how soft your lips are when you're kissing me. The warmth of your hug when we're sleeping together. The comfort that we bring to each other as we hold hands, and how your hands were perfectly fit with mine. The way we cuddle and play with each other are some of the best memories together. I still write about you. I still write about our non-stop conversation through chat and personal talks. The way we talk about almost anything.  From the time we open our eyes when we wake up til we close them for sleep, we are continuously talking and exchanging stickers and emoticons. I still write about how I look at you, you are my favorite view. Your smile, your face and your eyes, they are my favorite God's creation. How I wish I still have the chance to look at you like the way I used to. I still write about you. I still write about my feelings for you. How I fell in love with you, and still can't stop myself from falling even more. The pain when I'm missing you, the anger caused by jealousy, and the difficulty I am now experiencing because I can't be with you. I still write about the promises we had, the ambitions and goals we set, and how I still continue to hope that someday we'll do them together. I still write about you even after I was hurt. I still write about you means I still love you. And I can't stop writing about you because I can't stop loving you.

I Can’t Stop Writing About You

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Can you just forget this busy world and be with me for a walk to forever?

@echuserangyel

[echuserangyel]

Hi babe. I wish you are always mine. I am missing you so much. :(

Hi. Just read this. :)

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I love you. And I always do. Please always remember that, okay?

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Will you turn the page?

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How I spent My Christmas Day 2015

Wouldn’t it be a perfect way of spending your Christmas day watching your favorite basketball team winning at the buzzer coming from a double-digit deficit, with the one you love and her family? Together you were cheering and booing everytime a basket has been made or is about to shoot.

Well, that was how I spent my Christmas day. I was with the girl I love, in their home, with her family. That was so overwhelming and I just didn’t want to end that day. I even didn’t want to go home and just stay there and stare at her for I’m not sure how long. There’s only one thing in my mind: “I just want to be with her”. Yeah, I only want to be with her whatever it takes.

But, things have to end. Damn it. Why should there always be an end? Can we just have the best moments of our lives forever? Can we just be happy for the rest of our lives? or for, at least, the longest time possible? Christmas Day ends. There may be overtimes, but basketball ends. Happiness ends. Love… Love ends.

Fuck that.

P.S. The photo has nothing to do with the text. Just want to post it, who cares.

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I love you so much that I have to let go for now eventhough I don’t want to. But if the time is right for us and the feelings are there, I promise you I’m gonna hold your hand again no matter what. And when that happens, I ain’t gonna let go of it again. Remember that promise babe.

“we were as one babe for a moment in time. And it seemed everlasting that you would always be mine… you’ll always be my baby. ”

@echuserangyel

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A Letter From A Man Who Loves A Girl So Much

It’s been a week already since you cut out the string that connected us. You left me, alone and lifeless. I may have done things which you don’t approve, I may have had mistakes which, in one way or another, made you unsure of me, I may have not been the best boyfriend that you can have – or the boyfriend you think you deserve – but I’m telling you I love you so much since the first day you heard these words from my lips. I have loved you. I still love you. And I don’t know how to stop loving you. That’s the only thing I know right now.

I will never forget those nights that I hide from shadows of everything just to wait for you and be with you after your work because we both know that it was not the right time yet for them to know that there’s ‘something’ about you and me. It would always reside in my memories the night of July 22 when we have our first dinner date together at Krazy Garlik, that was one great night with you. July 31 will always be in my mind, as it was the turning point of our feelings for each other, the night we were together, the night I first kissed you on your lips, the best night ever. I won’t forget August 15, 2015, when we first watched movie together at Mall Of Asia, filled our tummies at S’Baro and the main event of the night was when we spontaneously went to Star City and enjoyed with each other there. I will always remember August 23, when you first said “I love you”, and the day you decided to be with me as your boyfriend, one of the happiest days in my life. I will always think of the night of August 28, it was full of love on my part, I hope it was also love on your part. It was awkward but fun. It was silent but meaningful. If only I have been more careful in touching you, I know you’ll be with me every night, every day, and every time in between. The hugs, and kisses, and love that we had that night, will always be in my memory.

There are still many dates, and many good things we had together, but I won’t mention it on this. I just want you to remember the good times where it all started. And rethink, have you really fallen in love with me? Or I was just a stop-over along the way to go back to him? Am I just a detour? Or have I been a destination at least even for once?

You know how much it is hurting me right now. The sharpness of your words that pierced through my heart has been inside me – and will continue to haunt me for I don’t know how long, but I promise you, I will try to forget the words that you’ve thrown at me last night, and the other nights that you can’t control yourself from hurting me. I want our memories together to be as happy as it has been before today, and as full of love as it has been for me. I don’t want to get mad at you. I don’t want to get mad at the girl who I once dreamt – and still continue to dream – to be with me for the rest of my life.

I felt so disappointed in myself that after all I’ve done to make you forget about him, he is still the man you would return to, his fragrance and comfort are the ones you are still looking for. I thought I have taken you away from him, or from anybody, but I guess I was wrong. So wrong. I am feeling so depressed right now that I can’t make you stay with me and achieve our dreams together. It was all my fault. All my fault. I’m taking the blame on myself. You only want to be happy, and you just didn’t find that happiness with me.

“When things go wrong, you can knock it down”. When problem arises or when you think that you miss me or just want to be with me again, please don’t hesitate to come to me and I will always welcome you in my life. I would knock down the walls that you’re currently trying to build to separate us. I would knock down the strength of everyone who tries to get in our way.  I promise you, if you ever come back, I will never let go of your hand ever again. I will hug you tighter and kiss you harder, just to make you feel how much I’m missing you. If you think you want to come back, please do. I will be waiting for you for as long as I can.

I, however, don’t have the strength to stop myself from thinking of how you two are doing, how tight you are hugging him, and how long your kisses are with him. I know tears will come out from me whenever I think of that, but I hope I’d be able to come out stronger and better after this storm, after you’ve hurt me this much.

I will miss you. I will miss every single detail of you. Your smile, your cute laughs, your model-looking walk, your lips, your hugs, your everything. I will miss, most especially, your eyes that I always want to look into every single time.

Sorry for the shortcomings and thank you so much for everything.

I hope you’ve really felt that you were in love with me.

This is not yet the end. I will wait for the continuation of the love story we have started together.

I love you babe. So much.

“It may be over, but it won’t stop there. I’m here for you, if you’d only care.”

P.S. I’m sorry for the speech yet again.

P.P.S. Til we meet again.

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I will never forget our first kiss, Your taste that I couldn't resist. As your lips met mine, The feeling's so pure, so divine. Since then I always remember, The love we promised forever. You vowed to be always there, And said you would leave me never. I believed, since that first kiss, We will live together in bliss. But now I'm here, starting to miss, Your lips which eventually met his.

The Broken Promise of Our First Kiss (LON)

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Our feet will get dirty and tired, but let's continue with our adventures together.

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The day is just so perfect if I get to spend it with you.

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Since the day you came into my dull life, you brought happiness and hope that I'd be able to experience the best love life can offer. There's no doubt that you are the best thing that God has given me. The smile you brought to my lips, the warmth that you've given me with your hugs, the comfort that you were providing when we hold each other's hands, the sweetness and heart-racing feeling that you're causing when we kiss. These are the moments I will treasure in my life forever. I have planned our future together, the house that we will be living in, the car that we'll have our road trips with, the children who will remind us how much we love each other. I always dream of kissing you every morning, every night and every possible time in between. I always want to look into your beautiful eyes, stare at your picturesque smile, and watch your every move. I want to tell you how gorgeous you are in your clothes, how I love the taste of the food that you're trying to study to prepare for me, I want to tell you how lucky I am to be with you every meal time, every bed time, and every possible time. I would always thank God for giving you in my life. But, today is not the future just yet. Today is the present that we'll have to live beside each other for us to do the things we want to do together in the future. We should have to hold tighter when there's storm, to hug longer when there are trials, to kiss harder when there are temptations, and to love each other even deeper when the situation hates us. Please don't let go. Please don't go. Please stay for the rest of our lives. And I promise you it will all be worth it. I want only you. Please stay. Please.

Please Stay (LON)