Little Do You Know
Guilt. It was the one thing weighting him down. That was keeping him awake at night and why he was even here. There is a limit to the guilt you can feel and the forgiveness you can take. The quote seemed almost to mock him in his mind as he sat there staring off into space. He could feel Eric’s hand through his hair and he wanted so badly to lean into his touch, to believe everything was truly going to be alright. But as Cathy had told him that night, if he couldn’t make that promise, who could? Not Eric. The only thing Eric could promise was to at least judge him honestly.
“No I’m not Eric” he answered, looking at his friend. “I haven’t slept since she died. Cathy kicked me out of her apartment “he laughed bitterly, biting his tongue slightly as he thought. “She couldn’t even look at me or stand to be in the same room as me.” His thoughts trailed off as he tried to think of a reasonable explanation to himself why his girlfriend wouldn’t even want to be around him when that was what they were supposed to do after something bad happened. Instead he was here with Eric, trying to find comfort in him.
Letting out a sigh, he gave Eric a forced half smile as he focused on the hand that was still in his hair. It was comforting in a strange way to him. Ever since Julia’s death he had talked to all sorts of people about what had happened, they all had. They all had talked to each other but no one seemed to actually care. Eric cared about him and it was the only the only thing obvious to him. “Thank you Eric” he sighed, closing his eyes.
Eric was immediately skeptical. Cathy was enamoured with Nate, and Nate was enamoured with Cathy. Julia had no part in that equation, or so Eric thought. It seemed the more Nate spoke, the more pieces became mis-placed in the puzzle. Just when Eric thought he had it sorted out, Nate just scattered the pieces once again. If Eric had known better, it would have been a moot point. Nate closed his eyes, and after an appropriate moment, Eric grabbed the other boy's hands and gave them a gentle tug,
"C'mon. My bed's got your name on it, you buffoon." He shot Nate a hundred watt grin and a quick kiss before pulling away, hopefully tempting the other boy off the floor of his apartment. It was funny, as much as Eric hated seeing Nate like this, part of him was oddly pleased. The weak spot in Nate and Cathy's relationship made Eric satisfied in such a way that he instantly felt guilty, though overall had him in a bit of a private bliss. Nate's moment of extreme dependence prompted Eric to hope that he could be more than just the other boy's lover. Though from the outside looking in Eric seemed like the one who could do without Nate, that was the farthest thing from the truth. Internally, Eric needed Nate more than he cared to admit, or ever show.
Nate was fragile, underneath it all. Eric occasionally didn't like that he knew this about his friend. He had to tiptoe because this knowledge, be gentle as much as possible. Sometimes, it meant tending to the other first before attacking the information at hand. Normally, Eric would have continued on teasing and poking Nate until he burst out laughing and forgot all about about all his problems. But in this moment, knowing how hard Nate took things-- especially crazy shit like Julia's death-- Eric knew on a hunch that the normal approach would dam any information that would ever come his way. Though, most plotting on his part was purely gut instinct-- like usual.
