Anakin Skywalker:
Not My Code [Series]
To Catch a Jedi [Wattpad/AO3 fanfiction]
Forbidden Fruit [+18 SMUT]
Watching You Fade Away [ANGST]
Our Sweet Space Christmas [CHRISTMAS SPECIAL]
The Informant [+18 SMUT & ANGST]
The Informant Pt. II [+18 SMUT & ANGST]
The work I've done here never even reached the Chat-GPT prime, yet, people know better. It's the reason I feel less and less like writing. It used to be my way of expression, my way to keep some wild ideas alive... But now?
Yeah, I'm pretty sure all the soaking wet descriptions of Anakin x Reader would easily go through Chat-GPT.
Are you working on an update for a Jedi at my door
Oh boy! That's a good question! Actually, yes. I started working on Part II, I hesistated at first, but then I got delighted with some good continuation idea so I'm gonna probably make it. HOWEVER, goosh, the first part didn't do as well as the rest of my fics- it's super long as well, so I'm not convinced it's gonna *work* because it'd force readers to catch up with that longster. š¬ I hear your voices though and I'll do my bestš
I just wanted to say thank you for staying on the track. I feel like all my favourite anakin people have switched to superman or something completely different and it's relieving to see you write about Ani all the time <3
First of all: thank you sweetheart ā”
Secondly: Iāve had this Tumblr for 11 years, and just like I started my activity here with Star Wars, it will go with me- and this account- to the grave. This is, and always will be, solely an Anakin/Hayden/Star Wars blog, and I will never change that. ā”
Summary: Itās been 20 years since Anakin Skywalker left the Jedi Order, but some believe that even in his secluded life, he might still be hiding secrets that pose a threat. Thatās when you come in- freshly done with your time as a Padawan, tasked with approaching Skywalker under the guise of wanting to leave the Order, asking for his adviceā¦ and drawing out information. But what does āgiving adviceā mean to a divorced, Order-worn Skywalker who, with the benefit of hindsight, knows that rules are made to be broken?
Warnings: alcohol consumption| age gap | kissing | touching | comfort | manipulation | spice but no smut | teasing (like... lots of teasing) | dom!Anakin | awkward reader | a tiny bit of angst
Word Count: 6,8k
āI hardly remember him.ā you sighed, flipping through the documentation with information on your next mission.
āThe Order isnāt after a diplomat, what would that even look like? Itās mostly about gaining trust, the rest should come on its own.ā Master Varr took the documentation from you to skim through the written pages and reach the section containing the visual holograms.
āAnakin Skywalker, this is our last captured frame of his image, shortly before his departure.ā
Before your eyes appeared a hologram of Skywalkerās silhouette, and although you knew him visually, you still held your gaze on the hologram a moment longer. For some reason, his right hand lacked the glove he usually wore, leaving his mechno-arm exposed. He was dressed in dark robes, and the fact that he dressed darker than the rest had become a sort of identifier for you whenever youād passed him in one of the corridors. But that wasā¦ years ago.
āI haveā¦ maybe three memories of him.ā you spoke after a moment of observation.
āThatās enough,ā Varr replied, then handed you a small datapad with addresses. āYouāll go to him in a specific capacity, we can break it down roughly like this- you go, assume you have doubts about the Order, you want toā¦ā
āā¦Seek advice from someone who took a different path?ā you cut in, and Master Varr nodded in agreement.
āExactly- you return with information, remember why youāre going. Skywalker has eyes all around him, you canāt give yourself away.ā
Right, how many times have the Jedi told me to remember the missionās objective? They never mentioned it would feel like an invitation to lie, you thought, holding back a snarky comment.
āIs this really going to be necessary? If it makes noise, I could compromise myself....ā you indicated the datapad before it landed in your pocket.
āConsider it a one-time GPS, once it serves its purpose, do with it what you want, just donāt hand it to anyone before itās reset.ā Varr replied, and you nodded shortly, tucking the datapad into the layers of your robes for as long as it would be needed.
āIs that everything for now?ā you asked, used to the fact that Varr, sounding as if he were finished, usually had something more to add.
āIf any new notes appear- theyāll reach you via comlink at most an hour before the mission.ā
āAn hourā¦ā you muttered almost to yourself, but as usual, Varr caught every detail.
āYou have three of them- in three hours at the earliest you should be on your wayā¦ Showing up at standard hours of our operations would be tooā¦ suspicious.ā he replied, noticing you preparing to leave for your quarters.
āWell, fair enough. Thatās enough for me.ā you answered, almost already turning on your heel to exit the briefing room that was weighing on you.
āMay the Force be with you.ā Varr added as you reached the doorway.
The lower sectors of Coruscant seemed- as always- overwhelming, and you were lucky that the air taxi transporting you had a retractable roof, because the rain, although light, would have made your carefully applied makeup run like water off a duck.
You laughed at your own foolishness for a moment before realizing that, despite hearing the words Do not give it to anyone before itās been reset, you hadnāt asked how to actually reset the small datapad in your hand. Still, you decided to go with the most mechanical approach. In a chaotic manner, you pressed every button, one after another, literally crushing the little device in your hands, until the screen finally gave in and went dark for good.
You breathed a sigh of relief when it finally happened, and wellā¦ with no idea what to do with it next, you simply cracked open one of the taxiās windows and tossed it into the distance. The fall was so high that instead of being visible as it descended, it seemed to dissolve into the air.
āWill it be alright if I drop you off here, Maāam?ā the driver asked, pointing on his holo-map to a small parking area practically glued to your operational point.
āIād be happy to get off, right here on the road, no need to bother with a parking spot.ā you replied, though what you actually meant was something entirely different. You preferred to create appearances, to circle around the area rather than land almost on the buildingās doorstep, which could only raise suspicion.
āOf course.ā The driver nodded and, without further questions, continued on the route, which was now nearing its end.
Soon, a tower emerged from behind the clouds, unusual for this city. It looked like something forgotten during the cityās reformationānot because it was in poor condition, but because of its peculiar style. Stained glass, Gothic arches above darkened windows- the lower the vehicle descended, the more impressive the entire structure of the building became to you.
The moment a good gap in traffic appeared, the taxi smoothly pulled down, and you, quickly thanking the driver and leaving a tip, jumped out of the vehicle.
In the areas of Coruscant you frequented, this would usually be rush hourāthe beginning of the night life that ignites on the streetsābut here it was very different. The sound of rain hitting the pavement was more prominent than vehicles, with the occasional noise drifting from nearby buildings. The atmosphere outside was still far from pleasant, so, recalling the address from the datapad, you pulled the hood of your robes over your hair and glanced at the building numbers around you.
āWell, I canāt believe itā¦ā you muttered to yourself, noticing that the number you were looking for was right there on the tower you had so carefully scoped from above. Right- from above. Because from below, it seemed even more overwhelming.
You sighed, and although you froze for a moment in place, there was nothing left to do but head to the entrance. You were surprised when, upon pulling the handle, it turned out to be the main door and wasnāt secured with a code- though you couldnāt be completely sure- since the handle was loose enough that someone might simply have left it unlocked. But having made it into the building, you didnāt dwell on the details- one hurdle was already behind you.
Ahead, a rather empty yet elegant hallway opened up, entirely in a dark motif- some black, some burgundy- only the light gray window frames across from you providing contrast.
There was no reception, just a small, round table in the corner, holding an antique-looking vase with dried flowers that had once been peonies but no longer resembled them. To the side were two options- stairs or an elevator. You quickly scanned the area and, slightly unnerved by the darkness climbing up the stairwell, decided on the elevator. Strangely, once inside, the display allowed only a single floor selection, so having no other choice, you pressed it.
The doors shut, and the elevator smoothly ascended. You turned toward the mirrored wall behind you to check your reflection quickly, but aside from a few chaotic strands of hair, there was nothing to fix. It wasnāt long before the doors slid open again- signaling the only accessible floor- and you stepped out with uncertain steps- finding yourself in another corridor, this time narrower.
Finally, about halfway down, you spotted the first door- and it turned out to be the only one. A nervous tension gripped your stomach, but you had no choice but to approach and knock.
A minute passed.
Still nothing.
You looked for a doorbell, but there didnāt appear to be one, so you raised your hand to knock again- just as the heavy door slowly began to open.
He was tall, his dark-blond hair styled the same as years ago, almost no silver strands except for one in his side-swept fringe. The face emerging from the shadow still held a youthful gleam- the passage of time betrayed only a few expression lines on his forehead and around his lips.
He wasā¦ a handsome man.
āI canāt believe itā¦ Jedi at my door?ā Skywalker sized you up, particularly your attire, which clearly revealed your affiliation.
Only when he fully opened the door and let go of the handle did you notice what he was wearing- something that served as a robe, looking like a black outer layer of Jedi robes- beneath them standard black pants, seemingly a bit more comfortable than the usual ones worn in Order-issued outfits.
āSorry, actuallyā¦ I really hesitated before coming hereā¦ I didnāt want to trouble you for...ā
āDid you come for sugar, or is it that the Council is interested in me again?ā Anakin smiled crookedly and crossed his arms over his chest.
āNo, itās not about the Councilā¦ Itās something personal. I thought you were the only person I could turn to.ā You weighed your words as best you could, and though you hadnāt anticipated it before, you felt a sudden lack of professionalism.
āSomething personal?ā he echoed, raising an eyebrow, to which you only nodded. He chuckled softly under his breath, but it wasnāt mocking- rather, touched by your shyness.
āI donāt know if I should let you inā¦ā Your hands trembled when you heard that, and you could have sworn he was serious- until the corner of his mouth lifted again.
āBut what do I have to lose?ā He chuckled lightly, and you hoped you understood the implication. The door opened wider, and he started walking into his apartment, assuming that was enough of an invitation, while you remained slightly tense in the doorway.
āYou coming in?ā he asked, noticing your lack of reaction over his shoulder- and only then did it occur to you. You lightly shut the front door and walked evenly behind Anakin, discreetly scanning the surroundings.
The interior was neat, intriguing, and though styled quite darkly, there was a sense of luxury. Everything inside matched the overall feel of the building and the secluded nature of the place.
āSo, what brings you here?ā he asked as you crossed the threshold of the main living room.
āFirst of all, I wanted...ā
āSorryā¦ Maybe differently- how did you find me?ā he cut in before you could respond.
āWell, I partly learned about your history with the Order and wanted to get in touch. I donāt know if itās ethical, but I knew your wife left...ā
āEx-wife.ā
When he interrupted you, he turned his head over his shoulder in your direction and gestured with his finger, as if to seal once and for all what he had just said.
āSorryā¦ Ex-wife, she left it in the notes from the documentation, somewhere in a separate section, and I wasnāt sure if it was private, but I just found it.ā
āSureā¦ā he muttered almost to himself, in a tone that already said Well, I should have expected that.
āGo on.ā he said more directly now, standing by the bar for which he seemed to be searching a key.
āI donāt want you to think someone sent me here, soā¦ā
āDo you know how many Jedi have tried to āfigure me outā over the years?ā he interrupted you again, turning a small silver key in his hand. This time, his hand was covered by a black glove, something you had noticed when you first entered. āAnd how many really wanted to listen?ā he continued.
āIām not here to āfigure you out,āā you raised your gaze directly to him, making sure he understood the seriousness of your words.
āBesidesā¦ Iām starting to haveā¦ similar doubts as you did back then.ā
Anakin finally turned his whole body toward you and measured you with his eyes again- this time, it seemed, only your face, as if he wanted to verify you.
āDoubtsā¦ā he repeated your words in a slightly lower, quieter tone.
āI feel like the Council doesnāt trust me at allā¦ I donāt see my place there anymore.ā
Something flinched in Anakin. He paused for a moment, especially on the first sentence youād said, and crossed his arms over his chest again.
āI wonder how many more there were and will be like meā¦ and you,ā he replied after a moment, looking at you, but not in a way that expected an answer. It was purely rhetorical.
And that was good, because you didnāt have one- yet you noticed again how Skywalker turned and opened the door to the bar, stuffed to the brim, mounted on the wall.
āWine, champagne? I also have something strongerā¦ā he asked, pulling two dark, corked bottles onto the table beneath the bar.
āThanks, I donāt drinkā¦ā
āYou donāt drink, or they donāt let you?ā
He kept questioning you while still turned, seemingly quite sure he already knew the answer to the question heād asked, and you just- slightly embarrassed- responded with silence.
āI thought so.ā he chuckled softly under his breath and pulled two gleaming glasses from the cabinet.
āTrust me, this is the best you can get anywhereā¦ā he poured both glasses evenly, halfway full, then calmly stepped away from the bar and placed them on the coffee table by the massive corner sofa.
āI never liked Naboo wineā¦ until I stopped being a Jedi...ā he continued as he sat halfway on the sofa and lifted his glass to take a sip.
āGo ahead, sit down.ā he gestured when he saw you still standing in the middle of the room. You moved rather hesitantly and sat at the very end of the couch. Well, Anakin hadnāt left much space, choosing the exact middle for himself, but your positioning looked so awkward that he laughed, glass in hand.
āI see youāre keeping your distance.ā he said, and you snorted lightly- more out of a delicate inner panic than amusement- and decided to scoot a little closer.
āMuch better.ā he smiled at the corner of his mouth, taking another sip of wine.
āI didnāt want to take up too much time, so I preferred to...ā
āDo I look busy to you?ā he interrupted jokingly, lifting his face from the glass.
You laughed nervously, though you understood what Anakin meant. Finally, you dared to pick up your own glass and swirled the wine gently, turning the stem between your fingers.
āTastes different when it's not forbidden.ā he smiled slightly as he watched you take your first sip.
You swallowed, feeling the pleasant warmth slide down your throat- Skywalker was right- this was really good wine.
āRules are meant to be broken?ā you asked, curious.
āTheyāre meant to show you when you truly want to do something, even if youāre not supposed to.ā he replied, raising an eyebrow marked by a long, thin scar- and if you separated your ordinary mortal feelings from a more professional observation, youād have to admit to yourself that there was something charming in it.
Anakin smiled as you held your gaze a moment longer, as if you were thinking deeply about what heād just said, before you tore your eyes back to the glass, feeling that a few seconds had been too long.
āSoā¦ what did you want to know? I still donāt know how I can help...ā he asked, lifting his glass to his lips again.
āI donāt know how to go about itā¦ If I wanted to leave, I donāt know who I could tell, how I could even say itā¦ā
āYou want to leave. If you werenāt sure, you wouldnāt have come to me specifically.ā
You nodded at his words and for a moment bowed your head over the glass, lost in thought.
āYou go to someone in charge, you tell them youāre leaving, if you want, you give a reason, hand back whatās necessary, and then you end it.ā Anakin said it so plainly and lightly that it genuinely made you curious why he had abandoned that life so easily.
āFor exampleā¦ a lightsaber?ā you asked, and he just shrugged, as if to say āfor example.ā
āDo you still have yours?ā you added, intrigued.
āPossibly.ā he replied shortly, with a hint of sarcasm. For a moment he looked you straight in the eyes, as if daring you to figure out whether he was joking or telling the truth.
āWant to see it?ā he asked after a pause, in a tone that made it hard to tell if it was provocation or an invitation.
Before you could answer, he set his glass on the table and rose from the sofa. You followed his gaze as he moved deeper into the living room, toward a shelf built into the dark wall.
He slid one of the low, elongated panels open. Inside, resting on a velvet lining, lay a lightsaber. Not a Jedi-standard one-its metal had a slightly muted sheen, and several parts looked as if theyād been replaced or repaired by hand. Anakin traced a finger over the hilt, as casually as someone handling an everyday object, not the symbol of an entire chapter of life.
āSome keep them as a memento. Others- as a warning.ā He glanced at you from the corner of his eye. āAnd Iā¦ maybe both.ā
You didnāt move closer, but the object drew you in, as if it contained something more than just metal and crystal.
āDoesnāt it ever tempt you to use it?ā you asked cautiously, and his lips lifted in a half-smile.
āIt does.ā He snapped the panel shut and returned to you. āBut Iāve learned that some temptations are betterā¦ savored.ā
He sat back on the sofa, this time a little closer than before. Your breath quickened slightly, though you werenāt sure if it was the distance or the intensity of his gaze that affected you.
āYou know,ā he began slowly, swirling his glass in his hand, āleaving the Order isnāt a leap into the void. Itās more likeā¦ trading the void for land you have to discover yourself. And if you want, I can tell you how to find solid ground.ā
There was something in his voice that sounded like a promise- but just as easily could have been a warning. Anakin leaned in slightly, so that his knee brushed yours- you had thought you could keep your distance, but now it became clear that distance had its limits.
āTell me one more thingā¦ā he whispered, as if the words were meant to be a private ritual. āWhat do you really feel about the Order?ā
You hesitated. The question was provocative, yet simpler than it might have seemed. Anakinās voice had that strange ability to disarm questions- it sounded warm, but beneath the tone there was steel.
āI feelā¦ it confines me,ā you replied honestly. āBut Iām also afraid of what comes next.ā
The smile that appeared on his face was gentle. He took your words as an invitation to truth, not a game.
āSometimes fear is good,ā he said, lifting his gaze. āIt tells you something matters. Only sometimes you have to tame it, not run from it.ā
You sat like that for a moment, half-empty glasses beside you, as if the world outside could wait. Your fingers trembled slightly- you wanted to pull back, remind yourself of the rules, recognize the Order agent within you, but it was becoming harder and harder.
Anakin moved his hand so that it accidentally brushed yours. The contact was brief, completely innocent. Yet the electricity that ran across your skin had something so specific that your heart fluttered.
āI wish I knew how to justā¦ start living,ā you whispered. It sounded sincere- and that was enough.
āI noticed.ā He laughed and sat a little closer, so that his arm brushed yours- not enough to be obvious to anyone looking from the side, but enough for you to feel a warmth spreading like a small current.
āSo you say the Order confines youā¦ā he repeated, raising an eyebrow. āAnd Iām supposed to be your guide to freedom. Soundsā¦ grand.ā
His tone was teasing, and though he maintained a hint of seriousness for a moment, the smile that followed shifted it into something closer to playful provocation.
āYou can be a guide, if you accept that I sometimes get lost.ā you replied, a note of challenge in your voice- you maintained distance, yet enjoyed watching his reaction.
āI have a certain talent for finding lost things.ā He looked at you more seriously, as if there was truth behind the joke.
āI donāt knowā¦ā you started, only for him to cut you off mid-sentence.
Anakin made a small, theatrical gesture and leaned back slightly, as if only to give you the space to choose.
āI could be dangerous,ā he murmured, half-joking, half-serious. āBut only if you let me. I donāt plan on dragging your secrets out into the openā¦ unless you want to lay them there yourself.ā
In that moment, something inside you cracked- not because of the words, but because of how effortlessly he could balance teasing with subtle care. You remembered the mission, the datapad, Master Varr- every detail highlighted what was at stake.
āAnd you?ā you asked suddenly, curiosity stronger than duty. āWhat are you really looking for here?ā
His face softened for a moment, and though he tried to hide it, a spark appeared in his eyes.
āPeace.ā he replied without hesitation. āAnd someone who isnāt afraid to beā¦ a little imperfect.ā He continued, subtly swirling the glass in his hand.
āSomeone who understands that not everything has to be on display.ā He leaned in, lowering his voice a tone. āSometimes Iām just looking for company. Not always meaningful, sometimes justā¦ present.ā
These words touched you differently than his jokes. There was a sincerity in them that didnāt threaten your mission, but made it harder and harder to keep up your faƧade. Instead of asking more questions, you stayed silent, letting the quiet fill the room.
Anakin leaned in, this time deliberately.
āWe can take it slow...ā he said softly. āNo pressure, no agreements. Weāll see where it leads. And if you ever feel weāre going too far- say one word, and weāll stop.ā
Your lips made the slightest movement- you didnāt speak a word for a moment.
āWhat do you mean?ā you finally asked, feeling the glass almost slip from your hand.
Anakin rested his elbow on the back of the couch, leaning slightly toward you.
āFor exampleā¦ā he dragged the word, as if deliberately heating the moment, āā¦I have a certain talent for pushing boundaries. Sometimes unintentionally.ā His smile was only half a smile, as if he enjoyed watching your reaction.
āAnd sometimesā¦ completely consciously.ā
Your heart raced, but instead of going further, Anakin leaned back a few centimeters, as if testing whether you would take that step toward him on your own.
āNot everything has to be a declaration.ā he added, watching your hand tighten around the glass. For a moment, you felt as if something appeared in his eyes that he had previously avoided- maybe honesty, maybe curiosity, or perhaps both at once.
āAnd what if I do want a declaration?ā you spoke softly, but there was a challenge hiding in your tone.
Skywalker raised an eyebrow, as if he had been waiting for exactly that.
āThen you have to be prepared to get more than you expect.ā
His voice lowered even further, and you felt the space between you shrink in a way that couldnāt be ignored.
āBecause Iā¦ā he continued, resting his hand on the back of the couch just behind your shoulders, āā¦donāt like half-answers.ā
For a second, it felt as if everything around you slowed- the sounds from outside, the patter of rain, even the slow ticking of a clock somewhere in the background.
āSoā¦ā his gaze drifted down to your lips, then back up to your eyes, ā...do you want the answer now, or would you rather wait until youāre really ready to accept it?ā
āReady?ā you repeated, your eyebrows rising in a faint, surprised gesture. āAnd what if I never am?ā
Anakin smiled in a way that didnāt answer the question at all, but rather muddled your thoughts even more.
āThen Iāll make sure you want to be.ā
It didnāt sound like a threat or a promise in the literal sense- he said it almost lazily- but in his eyes was something completely opposite: a sharp focus, as if he could see every tiny movement you made. He shifted into a more comfortable position, but his hand on the back of the couch slid slightly lower, so that it almost, almost brushed the nape of your neck.
āYou seeā¦ the problem with Jedi is that they always want to control everythingā¦ā
He paused, tilting his head.
āAnd freedomā¦ requires that sometimes you let go of control.ā
You realized youād been holding your breath for several seconds. You wanted to respond with something clever, but at that moment Anakin lightly tapped your glass with his finger- a single, soft clink of glass that echoed surprisingly loudly in the quiet.
āYou drink too slowly.ā he murmured, reaching for his own and taking a sip, still keeping his gaze fixed on you. āI guess youāre afraid of what might happen if you relax.ā
āOr maybe I just donāt fully trustā¦ the one pouring it?ā you replied, lifting your chin slightly.
Skywalker chuckled shortly, in that half-whisper of his, with a trace of acknowledgment.
He set down his glass, and his hand finally touched your neck- not hard, not intrusive.
āJustā¦ you know,ā he leaned in a little closer, and your breath grew shallow, āā¦once you start trusting me, you might find itās more dangerous than this wine.ā
His hand on the back of your neck didnāt pull away immediately- on the contrary, his thumb made an almost imperceptible movement, as if instinctively tracing the line of skin beneath the fabric of your robe. Nothing, and yetā¦
āDangerousā¦ā you repeated softly, suddenly realizing you were speaking more to yourself than to him. Anakin smiled as if you had just confirmed something he had known all along.
āYes. Because danger is excitingā¦ and real.ā
Before you could respond, he shifted so that your knees fully touched. The air between you grew heavier, and he held your gaze a little too long- long enough to make you feel exposed in a way you hadnāt anticipated.
āTell meā¦ā His voice dropped to an almost conspiratorial tone, āā¦has anyone in the Order ever looked at you the way Iām looking at you now?ā
The question was so audacious that, for a second, you forgot to breathe. You wanted to brush it off with a laugh, to give some evasive answer, but Master Varrās warning rang in your mind- Skywalker has eyes all around him. And yet, in that moment, it felt like he was steering the conversation in a way that pulled you further from the mission.
āI donāt know if thatās a question you want answered.ā you finally murmured, trying to reclaim a bit of control.
His smile deepened, but this time it wasnāt purely teasing- more like a quiet acknowledgment: alright, you won this round.
āMaybe I donāt want toā¦ but I want to see what you do when youāre under pressure.ā
He slid his hand from the back of your neck down along your arm, very slowly, as if deliberately gauging your reaction. There was nothing in it that required courage to resistā¦ yet at the same time, you felt that if you let him complete the gesture, the boundary would shift one step further.
āYou knowā¦ā he added almost in a whisper, āā¦sometimes it takes very little to never return to the starting point.ā
His hand stopped halfway down your arm- and then you did something even you hadnāt expected. Instead of pulling away, you allowed the contact, tilting your head slightly to the side as if carefully analyzing his movement rather than merely receiving it.
āSounds risky...ā you said calmly, and though your tone was gentle, there was a challenge in it. āAnd sometimes, instead of freedom, it bringsā¦ consequences.ā
Anakin raised an eyebrow, and in his gaze appeared that spark you already knew from stories about him- the one that silently said, well, someone dared to tease me.
āConsequences can be pleasurable too.ā he replied quickly, but this time, you already had your answer ready.
You leaned in slightly, closing the distance between you by a few centimeters- just enough to feel the warmth of his breath. āI thinkā¦ only when you know how to control them.ā
You saw his smile fade just a fraction- not because you offended him, but because you caught him off guard. Anakin leaned back against the couch again, but didnāt pull away. He rotated his glass in his hand, watching you carefully.
āControlā¦ā he repeated slowly, as if savoring the word. āā¦an interesting choice for someone who says the Order limits it.ā
You smiled faintly, knowing he had just thrown down a challenge.
āOr maybe I just choose who I give it to.ā
His laugh was quiet, almost a murmur. At last, he set the glass down and leaned in again, this time without holding anything back.
āThis is going to be an interesting evening.ā he said, his tone tinged with genuine curiosity.
āAn interesting eveningā¦ā you repeated, sensing that he spoke it as a promise of something you hadnāt yet anticipated.
Anakin settled more comfortably, but still close enough that he recorded every small movement you made with irritating precision. His gaze swept over your face in a way that defied classification- neither purely evaluative nor completely neutral.
āYou know whatās the problem with āinterestingā evenings?ā he asked, a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
āThat they rarely end the way you expected at the start.ā
āExpectedā¦?ā you raised an eyebrow, pretending not to understand what he was getting at.
āYes, you expected,ā he repeated, leaning in just enough to make his voice softer, more intimate. āYou left the Jedi Tower, probably with a plan. A plan for how to steer the conversation, what to say, when to withdrawā¦ā
He paused briefly, then added in a tone completely devoid of doubt:
āā¦and now you realize youāve already thrown half of it overboard.ā
You didnāt deny it- and that, it seemed, was exactly what he was waiting for.
He raised the glass, but instead of drinking, he held it at his lips, watching you through slightly narrowed eyes.
āThe question isā¦ are you doing this consciouslyā¦ or are you just letting me push your boundaries?ā
āMaybe not all boundaries are fixed.ā you replied in a tone so neutral that the mere fact you didnāt look away felt like a small victory. Anakin let out a short, quiet laugh, then set the glass down on the table.
āI like that line of thinking. But I warn youā¦ā His hand slowly inched closer to your side, āā¦some boundaries, once you push them, donāt go back where they were.ā
āIām glad I like challenges.ā you tossed out, the corner of your mouth twitching before you could stop it.
Skywalker caught the gesture instantly.
āI like people who say that with such conviction,ā he replied. āI like even more to see if they really mean it.ā
His hand, previously just resting on the couch, slid slightly lower- close enough that the warmth of his skin began to seep through the thin fabric of your clothing. He didnāt touch you directly, but the difference was so subtle that your breath quickened before you even registered it.
āI guessā¦ā he murmured, leaning in so close that his voice brushed against your ear, āā¦the boundary is somewhere around here.ā
He said it in a way that left you unsure whether he meant the distance between you or something entirely different.
You tried to keep your tone as calm as his.
āAnd if youāre wrong?ā
He leaned even closer, this time so that a part of his arm grazed your side.
āThenā¦ Iāll have to find out,ā he said, letting the word find out stretch a fraction longer than necessary.
Your eyes met his. Intense, focused, yet not entirely predictable- as if Anakin was playing with how much he left unsaid.
A question lingered in his eyes, one that didnāt need words.
And yet, before you could answer with a gesture, he moved that final half-step, closing the distance so that now only a quiet tension and a thread of self-control separated you.
His eyes suddenly disappeared somewhere between you- no longer playing with that half-smile. In an instant, the atmosphere thickened- you felt that only he remained in the air, and the space between you hung like a taut string. Anakin didnāt pull back- in fact, he did something that had before been only a game of shadows, leaning even lower as if he couldnāt wait any longer.
One hand cupped your face- not tightly, not aggressively, but enough for you to feel every tiny quiver of his fingers. The other slid along your shoulder, gliding over the fabric of your robe until it found skin beneath the collar.
āNoā¦ we shouldnāt-ā you began, but the end of your words was swallowed by the sudden press of his lips.
The kiss started short, surprising- like a spark racing through your body. Then Anakin gave in- his kiss deepened, becoming more deliberate, and the hands that had been exploring now touched you with confidence- not roughly, but with purpose.
āStop saying itās wrong,ā he murmured, his voice low and rough. āJust tell me one thing- do youā¦?ā
He didnāt finish- he didnāt need to. The weight of everything that had happened between you was in that single question.
You wanted to answer: that you had a mission, a datapad, Master Varr, that you couldnāt. But your lips did something else.
āI donāt know...ā you whispered honestly, the truth burning more than any prohibition could.
Anakin smiled- this was no longer a game.
āTrust me.ā he said, moving closer again, this time without hurry, like someone returning to a place they know. His hand slid along your side, squeezing lightly as if memorizing the contour, then moved gently to rest on your waist. For a moment, you stayed like that- until a familiar sound reached your ears: the metallic beep of a comlink, quiet and disproportionately harsh in that instant.
Anakin pulled back immediately, as if that one simple sound reminded him of the reality you had both briefly abandoned. His hand slowly left your waist- he looked at it for a second, as if doubting whether you still wanted him close. In his eyes, a battle played out between instinct and the remnants of self-control.
āItās just a comlink.ā you whispered, your voice carrying a plea for the moment not to vanish so abruptly. Anakin smiled- without a hint of mischief, softer than before.
āJust a comlinkā¦ā he repeated, and perhaps because you both knew that ājustā meant very little, his fingers brushed your hand again. āBut weāre not stupid. Not now.ā His tone was measured, yet every fiber of his body still spoke differently- desire more expressive and stronger than reason.
For a split second, you stood at a crossroads: the mission versus something growing with every passing moment between you. Anakin leaned in, pressing his forehead to yours, and whispered so quietly it was almost inaudible:
āIf you go further with me- youāll know what youāre signing up for. But if you want to step back, say it out loud. I wonāt push.ā
And there, between the scent of wine, the warmth of skin, and the comlinkās beep, you felt as though everything you had known could change in an instant.
His hand returned to your waist, warm and confident. Anakin looked at you as if he could read from your breath whether you still belonged to the Order- or not. He wasnāt smiling as usual- he was curious and slightly amused, a mix that fueled you like fire.
āTell me one thing...ā he murmured close, his lips near your ear. āWhen you say you want to leave- is that really what you want, or a well-practiced expression?ā
His voice was warm, yet beneath it, the question was as cold as a knife. You felt that knife cut something deep inside.
You didnāt have a chance to respond- because it wasnāt an answer, but a gesture from Anakin that set off an avalanche. His fingers, which had been brushing the fabric, now slipped beneath its edge and slowly moved upward, tracing the line of your neck. It wasnāt aggression- it was a very clear reminder that he could read a body better than any document. Your breath caught for a moment, then returned, heavier.
āI wanted to leave because I thought it would be a choice. But not like thisā¦ā
Anakin stifled a soft sound that could have been a laugh or a sigh.
āNot like what?ā
At that moment, Anakin turned his head and did something more disarming than any kiss: he handed you the datapad- just like that- with the screen facing up. On the display, there was no holo-Council, There was a brief message- dry, matter-of-fact- a list of names: ācontact program- activation.ā Your name at the top, with one short sentence: āobtain information.ā
Your hands began to tremble. Anakin watched you calmly, without triumph- more with curiosity andā¦ perhaps a hint of admiration. His fingers found yours and held them gently- he didnāt try to take the datapad. He was like someone offering a mirror so you could see yourself without filters.
āSo why would you ask for it?ā he asked softly. āTo have an alibi? So others could tell themselves everything is by the book?ā
The words fell heavily. Images ran through your mind: Master Varr speaking in a calm tone, Council chambers, their glances like scales. Everything started to feel like a costume someone had dressed you in on stage. Your heart ached for the here and now, yet suddenly you felt that warmth could also be a chain.
Slowly, very slowly, with precision as careful as his touch, you pulled your hand away from his waist. You didnāt do it abruptly- you let the movement be a decision- it belonged to you. Anakin didnāt protest. His eyes sparkled- not with anger or hurt, but with amusement andā¦ anticipation.
āI donāt want to be anyoneās performance.ā you whispered, looking him straight in the eyes. āI want to leave because I want to, not so someone else benefits.ā
You were ready for chains or for flight. Anakin smiled in a way that made your insides heat up again, but this time you took that fire and set it on your own terms. Your fingers trembled slightly as you reached for the edge of the couch and pulled yourself toward the door. It wasnāt running away. It was a small step toward the threshold.
Anakin rose slowly, letting the gesture take its weight. His eyes traced your profile, your lips, the place where his hand had been moments ago. Then he stepped closer, so his lips were again only a few centimeters from yours. His breath brushed against you like a warm summer wind.
āYouāre leaving me here alone?ā he asked, half-joking, half-serious.
āYou know you can either stay or leave and never come back, but thatās not what Iām askingā¦ā he continued, closing the distance between you again.
āIām asking: is this what you want?ā
You stopped, but didnāt answer. You held his gaze and, in that moment, you werenāt thinking like a Jedi. You were thinking like someone outside the whole system.
Anakin nodded, as if it were the perfect challenge. His hand rested lightly on your hip- not to stop you, but to mark his presence. His fingers drifted lazily, familiarly- there was a mysterious smile on his lips.
āLet me know...ā he whispered, ā...when youāre ready for moreā¦ or when youāre ready for me to stop asking.ā His tone was teasing, but he didnāt press. He left you space- and that was more important than anything else right now.
Your gaze looked frightened, but not because of Anakin- rather because every word about doubts spoken in this building had just turned into something real, something that had never existed in your mind before.
āIāll let you knowā¦ā you answered in a slightly trembling voice, and the expression on his face softened and warmed a little.
āBut not yet.ā you added after a moment, and you could have sworn that the distance you set with those words was close to bringing you to tears.
Summary: Itās been 20 years since Anakin Skywalker left the Jedi Order, but some believe that even in his secluded life, he might still be hiding secrets that pose a threat. Thatās when you come in- freshly done with your time as a Padawan, tasked with approaching Skywalker under the guise of wanting to leave the Order, asking for his adviceā¦ and drawing out information. But what does āgiving adviceā mean to a divorced, Order-worn Skywalker who, with the benefit of hindsight, knows that rules are made to be broken?
Warnings: alcohol consumption| age gap | kissing | touching | comfort | manipulation | spice but no smut | teasing (like... lots of teasing) | dom!Anakin | awkward reader | a tiny bit of angst
Word Count: 6,8k
āI hardly remember him.ā you sighed, flipping through the documentation with information on your next mission.
āThe Order isnāt after a diplomat, what would that even look like? Itās mostly about gaining trust, the rest should come on its own.ā Master Varr took the documentation from you to skim through the written pages and reach the section containing the visual holograms.
āAnakin Skywalker, this is our last captured frame of his image, shortly before his departure.ā
Before your eyes appeared a hologram of Skywalkerās silhouette, and although you knew him visually, you still held your gaze on the hologram a moment longer. For some reason, his right hand lacked the glove he usually wore, leaving his mechno-arm exposed. He was dressed in dark robes, and the fact that he dressed darker than the rest had become a sort of identifier for you whenever youād passed him in one of the corridors. But that wasā¦ years ago.
āI haveā¦ maybe three memories of him.ā you spoke after a moment of observation.
āThatās enough,ā Varr replied, then handed you a small datapad with addresses. āYouāll go to him in a specific capacity, we can break it down roughly like this- you go, assume you have doubts about the Order, you want toā¦ā
āā¦Seek advice from someone who took a different path?ā you cut in, and Master Varr nodded in agreement.
āExactly- you return with information, remember why youāre going. Skywalker has eyes all around him, you canāt give yourself away.ā
Right, how many times have the Jedi told me to remember the missionās objective? They never mentioned it would feel like an invitation to lie, you thought, holding back a snarky comment.
āIs this really going to be necessary? If it makes noise, I could compromise myself....ā you indicated the datapad before it landed in your pocket.
āConsider it a one-time GPS, once it serves its purpose, do with it what you want, just donāt hand it to anyone before itās reset.ā Varr replied, and you nodded shortly, tucking the datapad into the layers of your robes for as long as it would be needed.
āIs that everything for now?ā you asked, used to the fact that Varr, sounding as if he were finished, usually had something more to add.
āIf any new notes appear- theyāll reach you via comlink at most an hour before the mission.ā
āAn hourā¦ā you muttered almost to yourself, but as usual, Varr caught every detail.
āYou have three of them- in three hours at the earliest you should be on your wayā¦ Showing up at standard hours of our operations would be tooā¦ suspicious.ā he replied, noticing you preparing to leave for your quarters.
āWell, fair enough. Thatās enough for me.ā you answered, almost already turning on your heel to exit the briefing room that was weighing on you.
āMay the Force be with you.ā Varr added as you reached the doorway.
The lower sectors of Coruscant seemed- as always- overwhelming, and you were lucky that the air taxi transporting you had a retractable roof, because the rain, although light, would have made your carefully applied makeup run like water off a duck.
You laughed at your own foolishness for a moment before realizing that, despite hearing the words Do not give it to anyone before itās been reset, you hadnāt asked how to actually reset the small datapad in your hand. Still, you decided to go with the most mechanical approach. In a chaotic manner, you pressed every button, one after another, literally crushing the little device in your hands, until the screen finally gave in and went dark for good.
You breathed a sigh of relief when it finally happened, and wellā¦ with no idea what to do with it next, you simply cracked open one of the taxiās windows and tossed it into the distance. The fall was so high that instead of being visible as it descended, it seemed to dissolve into the air.
āWill it be alright if I drop you off here, Maāam?ā the driver asked, pointing on his holo-map to a small parking area practically glued to your operational point.
āIād be happy to get off, right here on the road, no need to bother with a parking spot.ā you replied, though what you actually meant was something entirely different. You preferred to create appearances, to circle around the area rather than land almost on the buildingās doorstep, which could only raise suspicion.
āOf course.ā The driver nodded and, without further questions, continued on the route, which was now nearing its end.
Soon, a tower emerged from behind the clouds, unusual for this city. It looked like something forgotten during the cityās reformationānot because it was in poor condition, but because of its peculiar style. Stained glass, Gothic arches above darkened windows- the lower the vehicle descended, the more impressive the entire structure of the building became to you.
The moment a good gap in traffic appeared, the taxi smoothly pulled down, and you, quickly thanking the driver and leaving a tip, jumped out of the vehicle.
In the areas of Coruscant you frequented, this would usually be rush hourāthe beginning of the night life that ignites on the streetsābut here it was very different. The sound of rain hitting the pavement was more prominent than vehicles, with the occasional noise drifting from nearby buildings. The atmosphere outside was still far from pleasant, so, recalling the address from the datapad, you pulled the hood of your robes over your hair and glanced at the building numbers around you.
āWell, I canāt believe itā¦ā you muttered to yourself, noticing that the number you were looking for was right there on the tower you had so carefully scoped from above. Right- from above. Because from below, it seemed even more overwhelming.
You sighed, and although you froze for a moment in place, there was nothing left to do but head to the entrance. You were surprised when, upon pulling the handle, it turned out to be the main door and wasnāt secured with a code- though you couldnāt be completely sure- since the handle was loose enough that someone might simply have left it unlocked. But having made it into the building, you didnāt dwell on the details- one hurdle was already behind you.
Ahead, a rather empty yet elegant hallway opened up, entirely in a dark motif- some black, some burgundy- only the light gray window frames across from you providing contrast.
There was no reception, just a small, round table in the corner, holding an antique-looking vase with dried flowers that had once been peonies but no longer resembled them. To the side were two options- stairs or an elevator. You quickly scanned the area and, slightly unnerved by the darkness climbing up the stairwell, decided on the elevator. Strangely, once inside, the display allowed only a single floor selection, so having no other choice, you pressed it.
The doors shut, and the elevator smoothly ascended. You turned toward the mirrored wall behind you to check your reflection quickly, but aside from a few chaotic strands of hair, there was nothing to fix. It wasnāt long before the doors slid open again- signaling the only accessible floor- and you stepped out with uncertain steps- finding yourself in another corridor, this time narrower.
Finally, about halfway down, you spotted the first door- and it turned out to be the only one. A nervous tension gripped your stomach, but you had no choice but to approach and knock.
A minute passed.
Still nothing.
You looked for a doorbell, but there didnāt appear to be one, so you raised your hand to knock again- just as the heavy door slowly began to open.
He was tall, his dark-blond hair styled the same as years ago, almost no silver strands except for one in his side-swept fringe. The face emerging from the shadow still held a youthful gleam- the passage of time betrayed only a few expression lines on his forehead and around his lips.
He wasā¦ a handsome man.
āI canāt believe itā¦ Jedi at my door?ā Skywalker sized you up, particularly your attire, which clearly revealed your affiliation.
Only when he fully opened the door and let go of the handle did you notice what he was wearing- something that served as a robe, looking like a black outer layer of Jedi robes- beneath them standard black pants, seemingly a bit more comfortable than the usual ones worn in Order-issued outfits.
āSorry, actuallyā¦ I really hesitated before coming hereā¦ I didnāt want to trouble you for...ā
āDid you come for sugar, or is it that the Council is interested in me again?ā Anakin smiled crookedly and crossed his arms over his chest.
āNo, itās not about the Councilā¦ Itās something personal. I thought you were the only person I could turn to.ā You weighed your words as best you could, and though you hadnāt anticipated it before, you felt a sudden lack of professionalism.
āSomething personal?ā he echoed, raising an eyebrow, to which you only nodded. He chuckled softly under his breath, but it wasnāt mocking- rather, touched by your shyness.
āI donāt know if I should let you inā¦ā Your hands trembled when you heard that, and you could have sworn he was serious- until the corner of his mouth lifted again.
āBut what do I have to lose?ā He chuckled lightly, and you hoped you understood the implication. The door opened wider, and he started walking into his apartment, assuming that was enough of an invitation, while you remained slightly tense in the doorway.
āYou coming in?ā he asked, noticing your lack of reaction over his shoulder- and only then did it occur to you. You lightly shut the front door and walked evenly behind Anakin, discreetly scanning the surroundings.
The interior was neat, intriguing, and though styled quite darkly, there was a sense of luxury. Everything inside matched the overall feel of the building and the secluded nature of the place.
āSo, what brings you here?ā he asked as you crossed the threshold of the main living room.
āFirst of all, I wanted...ā
āSorryā¦ Maybe differently- how did you find me?ā he cut in before you could respond.
āWell, I partly learned about your history with the Order and wanted to get in touch. I donāt know if itās ethical, but I knew your wife left...ā
āEx-wife.ā
When he interrupted you, he turned his head over his shoulder in your direction and gestured with his finger, as if to seal once and for all what he had just said.
āSorryā¦ Ex-wife, she left it in the notes from the documentation, somewhere in a separate section, and I wasnāt sure if it was private, but I just found it.ā
āSureā¦ā he muttered almost to himself, in a tone that already said Well, I should have expected that.
āGo on.ā he said more directly now, standing by the bar for which he seemed to be searching a key.
āI donāt want you to think someone sent me here, soā¦ā
āDo you know how many Jedi have tried to āfigure me outā over the years?ā he interrupted you again, turning a small silver key in his hand. This time, his hand was covered by a black glove, something you had noticed when you first entered. āAnd how many really wanted to listen?ā he continued.
āIām not here to āfigure you out,āā you raised your gaze directly to him, making sure he understood the seriousness of your words.
āBesidesā¦ Iām starting to haveā¦ similar doubts as you did back then.ā
Anakin finally turned his whole body toward you and measured you with his eyes again- this time, it seemed, only your face, as if he wanted to verify you.
āDoubtsā¦ā he repeated your words in a slightly lower, quieter tone.
āI feel like the Council doesnāt trust me at allā¦ I donāt see my place there anymore.ā
Something flinched in Anakin. He paused for a moment, especially on the first sentence youād said, and crossed his arms over his chest again.
āI wonder how many more there were and will be like meā¦ and you,ā he replied after a moment, looking at you, but not in a way that expected an answer. It was purely rhetorical.
And that was good, because you didnāt have one- yet you noticed again how Skywalker turned and opened the door to the bar, stuffed to the brim, mounted on the wall.
āWine, champagne? I also have something strongerā¦ā he asked, pulling two dark, corked bottles onto the table beneath the bar.
āThanks, I donāt drinkā¦ā
āYou donāt drink, or they donāt let you?ā
He kept questioning you while still turned, seemingly quite sure he already knew the answer to the question heād asked, and you just- slightly embarrassed- responded with silence.
āI thought so.ā he chuckled softly under his breath and pulled two gleaming glasses from the cabinet.
āTrust me, this is the best you can get anywhereā¦ā he poured both glasses evenly, halfway full, then calmly stepped away from the bar and placed them on the coffee table by the massive corner sofa.
āI never liked Naboo wineā¦ until I stopped being a Jedi...ā he continued as he sat halfway on the sofa and lifted his glass to take a sip.
āGo ahead, sit down.ā he gestured when he saw you still standing in the middle of the room. You moved rather hesitantly and sat at the very end of the couch. Well, Anakin hadnāt left much space, choosing the exact middle for himself, but your positioning looked so awkward that he laughed, glass in hand.
āI see youāre keeping your distance.ā he said, and you snorted lightly- more out of a delicate inner panic than amusement- and decided to scoot a little closer.
āMuch better.ā he smiled at the corner of his mouth, taking another sip of wine.
āI didnāt want to take up too much time, so I preferred to...ā
āDo I look busy to you?ā he interrupted jokingly, lifting his face from the glass.
You laughed nervously, though you understood what Anakin meant. Finally, you dared to pick up your own glass and swirled the wine gently, turning the stem between your fingers.
āTastes different when it's not forbidden.ā he smiled slightly as he watched you take your first sip.
You swallowed, feeling the pleasant warmth slide down your throat- Skywalker was right- this was really good wine.
āRules are meant to be broken?ā you asked, curious.
āTheyāre meant to show you when you truly want to do something, even if youāre not supposed to.ā he replied, raising an eyebrow marked by a long, thin scar- and if you separated your ordinary mortal feelings from a more professional observation, youād have to admit to yourself that there was something charming in it.
Anakin smiled as you held your gaze a moment longer, as if you were thinking deeply about what heād just said, before you tore your eyes back to the glass, feeling that a few seconds had been too long.
āSoā¦ what did you want to know? I still donāt know how I can help...ā he asked, lifting his glass to his lips again.
āI donāt know how to go about itā¦ If I wanted to leave, I donāt know who I could tell, how I could even say itā¦ā
āYou want to leave. If you werenāt sure, you wouldnāt have come to me specifically.ā
You nodded at his words and for a moment bowed your head over the glass, lost in thought.
āYou go to someone in charge, you tell them youāre leaving, if you want, you give a reason, hand back whatās necessary, and then you end it.ā Anakin said it so plainly and lightly that it genuinely made you curious why he had abandoned that life so easily.
āFor exampleā¦ a lightsaber?ā you asked, and he just shrugged, as if to say āfor example.ā
āDo you still have yours?ā you added, intrigued.
āPossibly.ā he replied shortly, with a hint of sarcasm. For a moment he looked you straight in the eyes, as if daring you to figure out whether he was joking or telling the truth.
āWant to see it?ā he asked after a pause, in a tone that made it hard to tell if it was provocation or an invitation.
Before you could answer, he set his glass on the table and rose from the sofa. You followed his gaze as he moved deeper into the living room, toward a shelf built into the dark wall.
He slid one of the low, elongated panels open. Inside, resting on a velvet lining, lay a lightsaber. Not a Jedi-standard one-its metal had a slightly muted sheen, and several parts looked as if theyād been replaced or repaired by hand. Anakin traced a finger over the hilt, as casually as someone handling an everyday object, not the symbol of an entire chapter of life.
āSome keep them as a memento. Others- as a warning.ā He glanced at you from the corner of his eye. āAnd Iā¦ maybe both.ā
You didnāt move closer, but the object drew you in, as if it contained something more than just metal and crystal.
āDoesnāt it ever tempt you to use it?ā you asked cautiously, and his lips lifted in a half-smile.
āIt does.ā He snapped the panel shut and returned to you. āBut Iāve learned that some temptations are betterā¦ savored.ā
He sat back on the sofa, this time a little closer than before. Your breath quickened slightly, though you werenāt sure if it was the distance or the intensity of his gaze that affected you.
āYou know,ā he began slowly, swirling his glass in his hand, āleaving the Order isnāt a leap into the void. Itās more likeā¦ trading the void for land you have to discover yourself. And if you want, I can tell you how to find solid ground.ā
There was something in his voice that sounded like a promise- but just as easily could have been a warning. Anakin leaned in slightly, so that his knee brushed yours- you had thought you could keep your distance, but now it became clear that distance had its limits.
āTell me one more thingā¦ā he whispered, as if the words were meant to be a private ritual. āWhat do you really feel about the Order?ā
You hesitated. The question was provocative, yet simpler than it might have seemed. Anakinās voice had that strange ability to disarm questions- it sounded warm, but beneath the tone there was steel.
āI feelā¦ it confines me,ā you replied honestly. āBut Iām also afraid of what comes next.ā
The smile that appeared on his face was gentle. He took your words as an invitation to truth, not a game.
āSometimes fear is good,ā he said, lifting his gaze. āIt tells you something matters. Only sometimes you have to tame it, not run from it.ā
You sat like that for a moment, half-empty glasses beside you, as if the world outside could wait. Your fingers trembled slightly- you wanted to pull back, remind yourself of the rules, recognize the Order agent within you, but it was becoming harder and harder.
Anakin moved his hand so that it accidentally brushed yours. The contact was brief, completely innocent. Yet the electricity that ran across your skin had something so specific that your heart fluttered.
āI wish I knew how to justā¦ start living,ā you whispered. It sounded sincere- and that was enough.
āI noticed.ā He laughed and sat a little closer, so that his arm brushed yours- not enough to be obvious to anyone looking from the side, but enough for you to feel a warmth spreading like a small current.
āSo you say the Order confines youā¦ā he repeated, raising an eyebrow. āAnd Iām supposed to be your guide to freedom. Soundsā¦ grand.ā
His tone was teasing, and though he maintained a hint of seriousness for a moment, the smile that followed shifted it into something closer to playful provocation.
āYou can be a guide, if you accept that I sometimes get lost.ā you replied, a note of challenge in your voice- you maintained distance, yet enjoyed watching his reaction.
āI have a certain talent for finding lost things.ā He looked at you more seriously, as if there was truth behind the joke.
āI donāt knowā¦ā you started, only for him to cut you off mid-sentence.
Anakin made a small, theatrical gesture and leaned back slightly, as if only to give you the space to choose.
āI could be dangerous,ā he murmured, half-joking, half-serious. āBut only if you let me. I donāt plan on dragging your secrets out into the openā¦ unless you want to lay them there yourself.ā
In that moment, something inside you cracked- not because of the words, but because of how effortlessly he could balance teasing with subtle care. You remembered the mission, the datapad, Master Varr- every detail highlighted what was at stake.
āAnd you?ā you asked suddenly, curiosity stronger than duty. āWhat are you really looking for here?ā
His face softened for a moment, and though he tried to hide it, a spark appeared in his eyes.
āPeace.ā he replied without hesitation. āAnd someone who isnāt afraid to beā¦ a little imperfect.ā He continued, subtly swirling the glass in his hand.
āSomeone who understands that not everything has to be on display.ā He leaned in, lowering his voice a tone. āSometimes Iām just looking for company. Not always meaningful, sometimes justā¦ present.ā
These words touched you differently than his jokes. There was a sincerity in them that didnāt threaten your mission, but made it harder and harder to keep up your faƧade. Instead of asking more questions, you stayed silent, letting the quiet fill the room.
Anakin leaned in, this time deliberately.
āWe can take it slow...ā he said softly. āNo pressure, no agreements. Weāll see where it leads. And if you ever feel weāre going too far- say one word, and weāll stop.ā
Your lips made the slightest movement- you didnāt speak a word for a moment.
āWhat do you mean?ā you finally asked, feeling the glass almost slip from your hand.
Anakin rested his elbow on the back of the couch, leaning slightly toward you.
āFor exampleā¦ā he dragged the word, as if deliberately heating the moment, āā¦I have a certain talent for pushing boundaries. Sometimes unintentionally.ā His smile was only half a smile, as if he enjoyed watching your reaction.
āAnd sometimesā¦ completely consciously.ā
Your heart raced, but instead of going further, Anakin leaned back a few centimeters, as if testing whether you would take that step toward him on your own.
āNot everything has to be a declaration.ā he added, watching your hand tighten around the glass. For a moment, you felt as if something appeared in his eyes that he had previously avoided- maybe honesty, maybe curiosity, or perhaps both at once.
āAnd what if I do want a declaration?ā you spoke softly, but there was a challenge hiding in your tone.
Skywalker raised an eyebrow, as if he had been waiting for exactly that.
āThen you have to be prepared to get more than you expect.ā
His voice lowered even further, and you felt the space between you shrink in a way that couldnāt be ignored.
āBecause Iā¦ā he continued, resting his hand on the back of the couch just behind your shoulders, āā¦donāt like half-answers.ā
For a second, it felt as if everything around you slowed- the sounds from outside, the patter of rain, even the slow ticking of a clock somewhere in the background.
āSoā¦ā his gaze drifted down to your lips, then back up to your eyes, ā...do you want the answer now, or would you rather wait until youāre really ready to accept it?ā
āReady?ā you repeated, your eyebrows rising in a faint, surprised gesture. āAnd what if I never am?ā
Anakin smiled in a way that didnāt answer the question at all, but rather muddled your thoughts even more.
āThen Iāll make sure you want to be.ā
It didnāt sound like a threat or a promise in the literal sense- he said it almost lazily- but in his eyes was something completely opposite: a sharp focus, as if he could see every tiny movement you made. He shifted into a more comfortable position, but his hand on the back of the couch slid slightly lower, so that it almost, almost brushed the nape of your neck.
āYou seeā¦ the problem with Jedi is that they always want to control everythingā¦ā
He paused, tilting his head.
āAnd freedomā¦ requires that sometimes you let go of control.ā
You realized youād been holding your breath for several seconds. You wanted to respond with something clever, but at that moment Anakin lightly tapped your glass with his finger- a single, soft clink of glass that echoed surprisingly loudly in the quiet.
āYou drink too slowly.ā he murmured, reaching for his own and taking a sip, still keeping his gaze fixed on you. āI guess youāre afraid of what might happen if you relax.ā
āOr maybe I just donāt fully trustā¦ the one pouring it?ā you replied, lifting your chin slightly.
Skywalker chuckled shortly, in that half-whisper of his, with a trace of acknowledgment.
He set down his glass, and his hand finally touched your neck- not hard, not intrusive.
āJustā¦ you know,ā he leaned in a little closer, and your breath grew shallow, āā¦once you start trusting me, you might find itās more dangerous than this wine.ā
His hand on the back of your neck didnāt pull away immediately- on the contrary, his thumb made an almost imperceptible movement, as if instinctively tracing the line of skin beneath the fabric of your robe. Nothing, and yetā¦
āDangerousā¦ā you repeated softly, suddenly realizing you were speaking more to yourself than to him. Anakin smiled as if you had just confirmed something he had known all along.
āYes. Because danger is excitingā¦ and real.ā
Before you could respond, he shifted so that your knees fully touched. The air between you grew heavier, and he held your gaze a little too long- long enough to make you feel exposed in a way you hadnāt anticipated.
āTell meā¦ā His voice dropped to an almost conspiratorial tone, āā¦has anyone in the Order ever looked at you the way Iām looking at you now?ā
The question was so audacious that, for a second, you forgot to breathe. You wanted to brush it off with a laugh, to give some evasive answer, but Master Varrās warning rang in your mind- Skywalker has eyes all around him. And yet, in that moment, it felt like he was steering the conversation in a way that pulled you further from the mission.
āI donāt know if thatās a question you want answered.ā you finally murmured, trying to reclaim a bit of control.
His smile deepened, but this time it wasnāt purely teasing- more like a quiet acknowledgment: alright, you won this round.
āMaybe I donāt want toā¦ but I want to see what you do when youāre under pressure.ā
He slid his hand from the back of your neck down along your arm, very slowly, as if deliberately gauging your reaction. There was nothing in it that required courage to resistā¦ yet at the same time, you felt that if you let him complete the gesture, the boundary would shift one step further.
āYou knowā¦ā he added almost in a whisper, āā¦sometimes it takes very little to never return to the starting point.ā
His hand stopped halfway down your arm- and then you did something even you hadnāt expected. Instead of pulling away, you allowed the contact, tilting your head slightly to the side as if carefully analyzing his movement rather than merely receiving it.
āSounds risky...ā you said calmly, and though your tone was gentle, there was a challenge in it. āAnd sometimes, instead of freedom, it bringsā¦ consequences.ā
Anakin raised an eyebrow, and in his gaze appeared that spark you already knew from stories about him- the one that silently said, well, someone dared to tease me.
āConsequences can be pleasurable too.ā he replied quickly, but this time, you already had your answer ready.
You leaned in slightly, closing the distance between you by a few centimeters- just enough to feel the warmth of his breath. āI thinkā¦ only when you know how to control them.ā
You saw his smile fade just a fraction- not because you offended him, but because you caught him off guard. Anakin leaned back against the couch again, but didnāt pull away. He rotated his glass in his hand, watching you carefully.
āControlā¦ā he repeated slowly, as if savoring the word. āā¦an interesting choice for someone who says the Order limits it.ā
You smiled faintly, knowing he had just thrown down a challenge.
āOr maybe I just choose who I give it to.ā
His laugh was quiet, almost a murmur. At last, he set the glass down and leaned in again, this time without holding anything back.
āThis is going to be an interesting evening.ā he said, his tone tinged with genuine curiosity.
āAn interesting eveningā¦ā you repeated, sensing that he spoke it as a promise of something you hadnāt yet anticipated.
Anakin settled more comfortably, but still close enough that he recorded every small movement you made with irritating precision. His gaze swept over your face in a way that defied classification- neither purely evaluative nor completely neutral.
āYou know whatās the problem with āinterestingā evenings?ā he asked, a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
āThat they rarely end the way you expected at the start.ā
āExpectedā¦?ā you raised an eyebrow, pretending not to understand what he was getting at.
āYes, you expected,ā he repeated, leaning in just enough to make his voice softer, more intimate. āYou left the Jedi Tower, probably with a plan. A plan for how to steer the conversation, what to say, when to withdrawā¦ā
He paused briefly, then added in a tone completely devoid of doubt:
āā¦and now you realize youāve already thrown half of it overboard.ā
You didnāt deny it- and that, it seemed, was exactly what he was waiting for.
He raised the glass, but instead of drinking, he held it at his lips, watching you through slightly narrowed eyes.
āThe question isā¦ are you doing this consciouslyā¦ or are you just letting me push your boundaries?ā
āMaybe not all boundaries are fixed.ā you replied in a tone so neutral that the mere fact you didnāt look away felt like a small victory. Anakin let out a short, quiet laugh, then set the glass down on the table.
āI like that line of thinking. But I warn youā¦ā His hand slowly inched closer to your side, āā¦some boundaries, once you push them, donāt go back where they were.ā
āIām glad I like challenges.ā you tossed out, the corner of your mouth twitching before you could stop it.
Skywalker caught the gesture instantly.
āI like people who say that with such conviction,ā he replied. āI like even more to see if they really mean it.ā
His hand, previously just resting on the couch, slid slightly lower- close enough that the warmth of his skin began to seep through the thin fabric of your clothing. He didnāt touch you directly, but the difference was so subtle that your breath quickened before you even registered it.
āI guessā¦ā he murmured, leaning in so close that his voice brushed against your ear, āā¦the boundary is somewhere around here.ā
He said it in a way that left you unsure whether he meant the distance between you or something entirely different.
You tried to keep your tone as calm as his.
āAnd if youāre wrong?ā
He leaned even closer, this time so that a part of his arm grazed your side.
āThenā¦ Iāll have to find out,ā he said, letting the word find out stretch a fraction longer than necessary.
Your eyes met his. Intense, focused, yet not entirely predictable- as if Anakin was playing with how much he left unsaid.
A question lingered in his eyes, one that didnāt need words.
And yet, before you could answer with a gesture, he moved that final half-step, closing the distance so that now only a quiet tension and a thread of self-control separated you.
His eyes suddenly disappeared somewhere between you- no longer playing with that half-smile. In an instant, the atmosphere thickened- you felt that only he remained in the air, and the space between you hung like a taut string. Anakin didnāt pull back- in fact, he did something that had before been only a game of shadows, leaning even lower as if he couldnāt wait any longer.
One hand cupped your face- not tightly, not aggressively, but enough for you to feel every tiny quiver of his fingers. The other slid along your shoulder, gliding over the fabric of your robe until it found skin beneath the collar.
āNoā¦ we shouldnāt-ā you began, but the end of your words was swallowed by the sudden press of his lips.
The kiss started short, surprising- like a spark racing through your body. Then Anakin gave in- his kiss deepened, becoming more deliberate, and the hands that had been exploring now touched you with confidence- not roughly, but with purpose.
āStop saying itās wrong,ā he murmured, his voice low and rough. āJust tell me one thing- do youā¦?ā
He didnāt finish- he didnāt need to. The weight of everything that had happened between you was in that single question.
You wanted to answer: that you had a mission, a datapad, Master Varr, that you couldnāt. But your lips did something else.
āI donāt know...ā you whispered honestly, the truth burning more than any prohibition could.
Anakin smiled- this was no longer a game.
āTrust me.ā he said, moving closer again, this time without hurry, like someone returning to a place they know. His hand slid along your side, squeezing lightly as if memorizing the contour, then moved gently to rest on your waist. For a moment, you stayed like that- until a familiar sound reached your ears: the metallic beep of a comlink, quiet and disproportionately harsh in that instant.
Anakin pulled back immediately, as if that one simple sound reminded him of the reality you had both briefly abandoned. His hand slowly left your waist- he looked at it for a second, as if doubting whether you still wanted him close. In his eyes, a battle played out between instinct and the remnants of self-control.
āItās just a comlink.ā you whispered, your voice carrying a plea for the moment not to vanish so abruptly. Anakin smiled- without a hint of mischief, softer than before.
āJust a comlinkā¦ā he repeated, and perhaps because you both knew that ājustā meant very little, his fingers brushed your hand again. āBut weāre not stupid. Not now.ā His tone was measured, yet every fiber of his body still spoke differently- desire more expressive and stronger than reason.
For a split second, you stood at a crossroads: the mission versus something growing with every passing moment between you. Anakin leaned in, pressing his forehead to yours, and whispered so quietly it was almost inaudible:
āIf you go further with me- youāll know what youāre signing up for. But if you want to step back, say it out loud. I wonāt push.ā
And there, between the scent of wine, the warmth of skin, and the comlinkās beep, you felt as though everything you had known could change in an instant.
His hand returned to your waist, warm and confident. Anakin looked at you as if he could read from your breath whether you still belonged to the Order- or not. He wasnāt smiling as usual- he was curious and slightly amused, a mix that fueled you like fire.
āTell me one thing...ā he murmured close, his lips near your ear. āWhen you say you want to leave- is that really what you want, or a well-practiced expression?ā
His voice was warm, yet beneath it, the question was as cold as a knife. You felt that knife cut something deep inside.
You didnāt have a chance to respond- because it wasnāt an answer, but a gesture from Anakin that set off an avalanche. His fingers, which had been brushing the fabric, now slipped beneath its edge and slowly moved upward, tracing the line of your neck. It wasnāt aggression- it was a very clear reminder that he could read a body better than any document. Your breath caught for a moment, then returned, heavier.
āI wanted to leave because I thought it would be a choice. But not like thisā¦ā
Anakin stifled a soft sound that could have been a laugh or a sigh.
āNot like what?ā
At that moment, Anakin turned his head and did something more disarming than any kiss: he handed you the datapad- just like that- with the screen facing up. On the display, there was no holo-Council, There was a brief message- dry, matter-of-fact- a list of names: ācontact program- activation.ā Your name at the top, with one short sentence: āobtain information.ā
Your hands began to tremble. Anakin watched you calmly, without triumph- more with curiosity andā¦ perhaps a hint of admiration. His fingers found yours and held them gently- he didnāt try to take the datapad. He was like someone offering a mirror so you could see yourself without filters.
āSo why would you ask for it?ā he asked softly. āTo have an alibi? So others could tell themselves everything is by the book?ā
The words fell heavily. Images ran through your mind: Master Varr speaking in a calm tone, Council chambers, their glances like scales. Everything started to feel like a costume someone had dressed you in on stage. Your heart ached for the here and now, yet suddenly you felt that warmth could also be a chain.
Slowly, very slowly, with precision as careful as his touch, you pulled your hand away from his waist. You didnāt do it abruptly- you let the movement be a decision- it belonged to you. Anakin didnāt protest. His eyes sparkled- not with anger or hurt, but with amusement andā¦ anticipation.
āI donāt want to be anyoneās performance.ā you whispered, looking him straight in the eyes. āI want to leave because I want to, not so someone else benefits.ā
You were ready for chains or for flight. Anakin smiled in a way that made your insides heat up again, but this time you took that fire and set it on your own terms. Your fingers trembled slightly as you reached for the edge of the couch and pulled yourself toward the door. It wasnāt running away. It was a small step toward the threshold.
Anakin rose slowly, letting the gesture take its weight. His eyes traced your profile, your lips, the place where his hand had been moments ago. Then he stepped closer, so his lips were again only a few centimeters from yours. His breath brushed against you like a warm summer wind.
āYouāre leaving me here alone?ā he asked, half-joking, half-serious.
āYou know you can either stay or leave and never come back, but thatās not what Iām askingā¦ā he continued, closing the distance between you again.
āIām asking: is this what you want?ā
You stopped, but didnāt answer. You held his gaze and, in that moment, you werenāt thinking like a Jedi. You were thinking like someone outside the whole system.
Anakin nodded, as if it were the perfect challenge. His hand rested lightly on your hip- not to stop you, but to mark his presence. His fingers drifted lazily, familiarly- there was a mysterious smile on his lips.
āLet me know...ā he whispered, ā...when youāre ready for moreā¦ or when youāre ready for me to stop asking.ā His tone was teasing, but he didnāt press. He left you space- and that was more important than anything else right now.
Your gaze looked frightened, but not because of Anakin- rather because every word about doubts spoken in this building had just turned into something real, something that had never existed in your mind before.
āIāll let you knowā¦ā you answered in a slightly trembling voice, and the expression on his face softened and warmed a little.
āBut not yet.ā you added after a moment, and you could have sworn that the distance you set with those words was close to bringing you to tears.
Of course I am!!! I'm currently working on my Anakin x OC wattpad story (which you can find here, btw) PS: I'm sooo sorry for switching so much to wattpad, but such big n long stories are less suitable for Tumblrš
Hello there!
Well, it's been almost a year since my last update, and so much has happened in my life that I could easily write a novella about it, but that's not what I want to talk about. April of this year is a special month for my Wattpad account, as it's celebrating its 10th anniversary on this platform! (Oh my God, I feel so old!) To mark this occasion, after months of work and 36 pages of notesāof which there are still more to comeāI wanted to present something absolutely special, which I hope you'll love as much as I do: a brand new story about our favorite Jedi- 'To Hell And Back'.
It's a new, bold tale where, essentiallyā¦ Nothing goes well for Anakin from the startābecause as an orphan found by his Master, he was completely deprived of feelings such as trust, spontaneous joy, or even curiosity about peopleāespecially womenāsince Seris, his mother, who gave him a childhood straight from hell, was the only female figure he knew. This is a story in which I've also decided to introduce my original characterāand this time, breaking from the path I took in To Catch a Jedi, this won't be a person directly connected to the existing canon characters. It's a new, colorful character, a spy for the Republic, who, whether they like it or not, will get entangled in the dynamic circumstances that will grow around them after meeting two JediāMaster and his Padawan.
To get you started and to help you adjust to the pace of the story, I've published 5 parts for you: the Prologue and 4 regular chapters, which, due to the slow-burn development of the plot, I predictā¦ there will be more than usual! :D
I'd also like to add that I'm really moved by the fact that you still check out my short stories, for which I receive notifications every day, and I truly thank you for that. You are amazing, and even though I have a lot on my plate, including other artistic projects related to Star Wars, you remain my motivation to keep creating. May The Force Be With You all! xx
Summary: After that turbulent night, he had one simple task for you - to make it to training in one piece. Was it really that problematic? Perhaps... However, the real troubles lie ahead of you...
Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI | hate sex | slapping | blowjob | deepthroating | PiV unprotected | cursing | degradation | dom!Anakin | sub!Reader | no comfort | no aftercare | threats | force choking/regular choking | angst
Author Note: I don't know if I've ever written a story after which I got as many requests for Part II as The Informant. Uni, changes in life, and the chaos of Essen Comic Con made writing exceptionally difficult for me, but one day I simply sat down in focus and decided to give it my all to deliver your request in the best possible version. ā”
Word Count: 4,4k
How fortunate that droids don't ask too many questions.
You thought to yourself, lying on the medical chair as the mechanical creatures stitched up the cut on your brow.
āThis might hurt a bit.ā you heard faintly as the needle with the painkiller approached, but it made no difference to youāthis single prick was no different from the pain you had been feeling up until now.
āWill you be able to get to your quarters on your own? Or should we send helpā¦ā
āNo. Iāll manage.ā you interrupted the droid without hesitation. Hearing your statement, it quickly returned to its work.
āFortunately, the wound isn't infected, but we've administered an anti-inflammatory as a precaution. The stitches should be removedā¦ā
āYes, thank you, I knowā¦ It's not my first time.ā you interrupted the droid in as calm a tone as you could muster as you began to rise from the chair.
āPlease take care of yourself.ā added the droid, setting aside the tools it had used on you, as you walked towards the exit of the medical wing.
āSure, thanks.ā you mumbled in a confused tone as the automatic doors to the room closed behind you, and ahead of you lay only the dark, grim corridor, its details blurring before your eyes.
You felt drowsy and could slowly feel the effects of the painkillers administered by the droids. You never reacted well to them, but this time, you felt even worse. You barely noticed when you managed to shuffle to your quarters, luckily on the same floor. Despite your daze, you did manage to close the door this time. Without changing or even taking off your boots, you simply collapsed onto your bed and fell asleep so quickly that your body barely registered it.
And that was the most painful mistake.
ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦..
You usually woke up for training with the alarm you set before sleeping, but this time, your eyes opened only when the sun was already rising above the skyscrapers visible from your window. It was almost noon.
Yes, noonāmore than four hours had passed since your training was supposed to start.
As soon as you realized this, your face turned ashen pale. Although you instinctively knew it was too late and that Anakin had probably long since left the training room, maybe even the temple, you jumped nervously out of bed.
Trying to disguise your disheveled morning appearance, you threw on a loose, brown cloak. Breathless, without even glancing in the mirror, you rushed out of your quarters, leaving the door ajar behind you, and started runningānot even knowing where you should go at that moment.
āHey! Young lady!ā You heard a familiar male voice just before you nearly collided with a figure standing in your path, clad in Jedi robes.
āSorry, Iā¦I justā¦ā you began to stammer breathlessly when you looked up to see the sympathetic gaze of Obi-Wan Kenobi.
The older Jedi's hands landed gently on your shoulders in a calming gesture. Although finding calm was difficult in your current state, deep down, you were grateful that you had run into Kenobi along the way. Perhaps only he could help you catch your breath and offer a bit of comfort in that moment.
āEasy now, breathe in and outā¦ā the elder Jedi began, and you nervously lowered your gaze as his eyes seemed to read your face like a book.
āWhatās the rush? Ohā¦ This doesnāt look goodā¦ How many were there?ā Kenobi continued after a moment, and you could barely hide your evident confusion. Who does he mean?
āAre you talking aboutā¦?ā you began to brainstorm frantically in your mind, gesturing chaotically with your index finger as Kenobi looked at you with a mix of confusion and sympathy.
āTrauma or painkillers? Last night, I met Anakin and he mentioned that a gang in Coruscant got out of controlā¦ā
Of courseā¦ Anakinās excuse was a plausible way out. How else could he explain to his master why he was wandering the corridors at night with disheveled hair, tattered robes, and his Padawanās blood on his hands?
āAh, rightā¦ Honestly, I donāt knowā¦ It all happened so fast, and Iām not sure ifā¦ā you began to explain chaotically, but Obi-Wan could see you were straining yourself trying to piece things together.
āOkay, calm down. Anyway, Iām glad you were in the right place at the right timeāone can never know what dangers lurk around the cornerānot just for the Order, but for ordinary civilians too.ā Kenobi explained as if trying to fill in the gaps in your thoughts, though he didnāt address the real concern gnawing at youāhow much trouble you were actually in.
"Master Kenobiā¦ I know, butā¦ Yesā¦ I just wanted to ask if Anakin is okay after that incidentā¦ I couldnāt make it to training today, so I didnāt have a chance to check if everythingās alrightā¦" you replied, trying to tactfully skirt around your real question.
"Since when do Padawans look after their Masters' safety? Oh, heavensā¦ Things were never this good in my dayā¦" Kenobi responded in a light-hearted tone, which did little to satisfy you. But when he noticed your serious expression, waiting for more, he began to recall his morning encounter with Anakin.
"I thought he wouldn't plan anything for the morning after a rough night, but he was safe and sound when I saw him briefly in the training hallā¦ I had some duties, but I'm quite sure he left after an hour or soā¦"
"Was heā¦ angry?" you asked, and Kenobi narrowed his eyes in visible confusion.
"Angry..? Should he have been?" he replied after a moment of contemplation.
"Never mindā¦ Justā¦ Do you know where I might find him right now? I just want toā¦"
"Are you in some kind of trouble?" Kenobi interrupted, noticing and sensing your unease.
"No. But I might be if I donāt find out where he is." you answered with a grave seriousness. The older Jedi sighed, his expression puzzled as if debating whether he should answer your question.
āIf I should intervene, just let me know andā¦ā
āMaster, thereās no reason to intervene. All I want is an answer to this simple questionā¦ You were a Padawan once, and then Anakinā¦ Both of you must have felt, at times, like you messed up or were trying to salvage things because you thought youād upset your Mentor.ā you clarified, and Kenobiās expression softened as he processed your words, seeming to drift momentarily into his own thoughts.
āAnakin declined the meeting in the council chamber. I suspect heās gone to his quarters.ā Kenobi replied after a moment's thought. You nodded in thanks and were about to head off in the intended direction when you felt the older Jediās hand on your shoulder.
āI know you should face your problems on your own, but remember, if anything goes wrong, you can count on me.ā Kenobi said, making one last eye contact with you.
āYes, Master. Thank youā¦ā You replied with a faint but uncertain smile, which was quickly reciprocated. You felt Kenobiās hand finally slide off your shoulder as he nodded to you and started to walk in the opposite direction.
Without waiting any longer and trying not to arouse any suspicion, you set off with a determined but slightly nervous pace toward Anakin's quarters. Your emotions were conflictedāa part of you felt indifferent, thinking you couldnāt bring any more disgrace upon yourself, while another part urged you to stop before facing him again.
Which part you would listen to was entirely up to you, but as you realized you had a choice, you were already gripping the handle to his quarters.
You pulled on the door, which wasnāt even fully closedāas if left ajar for an expected guest. In that moment, you felt he knew. He knew you would come back. Thatās why he was there, waiting.
Coruscant was shimmering in the sunlight at this hour, and the cityās streets were bustling with life. Yet, neither the sunlight nor the cityās energy could be seen through the carefully drawn curtains. The darkness in the room was unsettling, but it wasnāt the fear of the dark that stunned you as you crossed the threshold into the main chamber.
āThe door.ā you heard from in front of you, and the harshness of the voice sent shivers down your spine.
āClose. The door. Behind you.ā the voice repeated as you stood frozen in the doorway. The ominous emphasis on those words made you shut the door without further hesitation, but you soon realized that wasnāt enough.
āLock it.ā he continued, but instead of acting, you stared at his back for a moment longer than necessary.
Anakin sat at his desk, wearing the familiar robes with a long brown cloak draped over his shoulders, its hood resting messily. Since you stepped into his quarters, he hadnāt looked at you once, but you didnāt need to see his eyes to feel the coldness, frustration, and tension radiating from your master. You might have wondered if your actions had caused him to be so devastated today, but the chaos you sensed in his mind went far beyond your conflict.
āDo I need to repeat myself?ā His increasingly frustrated tone jolted you enough that, without waiting another second, you turned the key twice, locking the door.
As you noticed Anakinās silhouette move from his seat, you straightened up, feeling as if every muscle in your body tensed simultaneously. Anakin rose from his place, and with his hands clasped behind his back, he walked slowly toward you. For a moment, his gaze was fixed on the floor, but when it finally landed on you, you saw a contrived pity and disdain. The kind of āpityā that isnāt for the innocent. A āpityā mixed with the anticipation of delivering a deserved punishment.
"Get on your knees."
You were too flustered to quickly comply - and that was your mistake. The moment he noticed your mouth opening to speak, and your knees not bending - he was quick to motivate you even more.
"Did I say it clearly? On. Your. Fucking. Knees."
You heard something in his voice that was inhuman. It felt as though something alien had possessed Skywalker, but you couldnāt tell if you were frightened by it or strangely energized. Maybe it was recklessness, or perhaps your inherent tendency to defy everything, but your legs stood firm, as if rooted to the ground, and your lack of response only added to Anakin's growing tension.
āI donāt think I made myself clearā¦ā
He added in an unusually low voice, then turned on his heel and walked back toward his desk, his hands still clasped behind his back. Despite everything, you didnāt move a muscleāyour eyelids froze, locked on every movement of Skywalkerās as if you were instinctively watching for a trap or threat in the seemingly calm motions of your Master.
And this time, your instincts didnāt fail you. Although you stood your ground, your knees suddenly began to weakenānot from fatigue, but from a strange shift in pressure that shot through you from head to lungs.
You were suffocating.
You could no longer focus on Anakinās movements as your hands instinctively grabbed at your throat, trying to force air back into your lungs. In doing so, you didnāt notice Anakinās clenched hand at his side, even though it was what was affecting you.
You struggled with yourself for several seconds until your legs finally gave way beneath you, and you felt your knees hit the floor.
At that moment, relief came abruptly.
As your lungs slowly began to fill with air again, you still heard the ringing in your ears, typical of a sudden change in pressure within your body. However, it didnāt stop you from hearing the sound of metal clashing with woodāAnakinās lightsaber hilt, which he had just taken from his desk.
You audibly swallowed as your eyes lifted towards your Master, holding the unignited weapon, and he, with an indescribable, stony expression, locked eyes with you. Finally, instead of standing opposite his desk, he turned his entire figure towards you and with alarmingly slow steps, moved in your direction, making no move with the lightsaber.
Not yet.
āDonāt worryā¦ā
He began in a hushed voice, and his free hand slowly reached towards your face. He saw fear in your eyesānot of him, but more so of the weapon he inexplicably held. You stared at it with wide eyes, tracking every micro-movement of Anakin's hand, as if he might ignite it at any moment.
āI wonāt let you dieā¦ At least not until youāre useful enough andā¦ā
He spoke with a slowed, seemingly calming voice as he brought the lightsaber hilt closer to your face.
āā¦Obedient.ā
The metal, cold hilt touched your warm skin, and you involuntarily flinched, feeling as though someone had pressed a gun to your temple. Anakin handled it as if it were a caress for you. You felt the coolness of the material on your cheek, jaw, until finally, the metal tip of the hilt rested against your lips.
"Open."
He murmured closer to your face, his knees bending so he could lean towards you and look into your eyes. Your lips trembled, and Anakin could see that you wouldn't quickly respond to his requests, so his free hand moved closer to your face, eventually resting 'motivationally' under your chin to urge you to open your mouth.
"Come onā¦"
He added after a moment of impatience, yet his tone wasn't bitterāit sounded as though he wanted to give you a chanceāand though you didn't want to show yourself to your Master, you were absolutely prepared to accept it. Finally, your lips parted as he wanted, and for the first time in a long while, a disturbing smile appeared on Anakin's face.
"Good girl."
He said, lifting the corner of his mouth, and at the same time, you felt the cold, metal hilt slipping into your mouth, teasing your sensitive palate with its texture.
"You seeā¦ It doesn't have to be bad between us."
He said, rotating the hilt in your mouth as if he wanted you to feel it from every angle.
"And that's all, if you behave nicelyā¦"
He lowered his voice to a whisper, making another turn inside your mouth.
"I won't have to hurt youā¦"
"ā¦And you won't have to be a little, treacherous bitch."
He finished with a mocking smile on his face as he pushed the metal hilt a bit further than before, triggering a gag reflex in you.
"Ironic, isn't it?"
He chuckled lightly, and seeing you tense up from his actions, he withdrew the weapon from your mouth, then did something that couldn't quite be explained.
"Lookā¦"
He said, placing the lightsaber hilt on the floor by your feet, then straightened up and took two slow steps back.
"You have one last chance to escape. You can use this to attack me. You can do whatever you wantā¦"
After his words, which shook you slightly, the room fell into dead silence. You had no idea what was happening or what to do with yourself, so finally, you decided to use your own voice.
"But?"
Anakin smiled with slight regret at your question. You knew there was a catch to this, and you were certain that in your current situation, Skywalker wouldn't simply let you escape, let alone allow you to harm him.
"But if you run now and don't hide well enoughā¦"
He folded his hands behind his back and began to slowly move away, simultaneously lowering his gaze from you as if giving you the opportunity to attack him.
"And if I or my people find youā¦ I'll order you to be killed on the spot."
After uttering the last sentence, Anakin looked you in the eye as if he had just started a stopwatch and was waiting for your appropriate reaction.
"Decide."
He stated and once again dismissed you from his attention as if implying that this could really be an easy opportunity for an attack.
Your eyes wandered from place to place. You glanced at the lightsaber lying next to you, then at your Masterāand though you could do something at this momentāyour hands didn't even flinch. For some reason, this question seemed absurd to you. You had always been fixated on Anakin, always begged for his attention, and the mere fact that after last night you had decided to knock on his quarters made you realize that for you there was never any other answer than "I stay."
Anakin knew this very well, too.
"I won't leave." you assured, your head slightly bowed, feeling Skywalker's gaze settle on you after a few seconds.
"Hm?" He replied, seeming unsure if you meant it, yet sensing your resolve. He knew he had you wrapped around his finger.
"I don't want to go." you reiterated. After hearing your words again, Skywalker turned towards you and took a slow step closer.
"I hope you realize there's no turning back from here." he stated, his gloved hand approaching your face in an oddly tender manner. You nodded, meeting his gaze, sensing that Anakin was no longer just your mentor.
He has power over you.
"Good." he muttered, withdrawing his hand from your face and directing his gaze to the lightsaber still lying beside you.
"Give it to meā¦ Attach it to my belt."
He ordered firmly, and you looked down at him with a gaze full of doubt, but his impatient stare didn't allow you to kneel any longer. As Anakin took a step forward, his belt was at the level of your face, and trembling, you reached for the weapon lying on the floor, clumsily hanging it on the leather belt. You constantly felt his gaze on you, focused like never before, hungry like never beforeāand just as hungry, impatient.
"Unfasten." Skywalker's hoarse voice resonated, and for a few seconds, you felt almost paralyzed.
"What? Unfasten. Now."
After his more impatient and ominous command, your hands moved immediately, trembling almost more than before. You weren't sure if it was the pressure of time hanging over your head, simple stress, or the growingā¦ excitement within you. For some reason, you excluded fear. You weren't afraid. Not of Anakin. And you would swear you were ready to obey his every command.
"I see, I seeā¦ Soon you won't need to use your hands, I promise you that." Anakin said with a sneer, watching you struggle with his belt, but patiently waiting for you to finish on your own, without his assistance.
The belt initially resistedāonly when you accidentally found the right spot to press and release the buckle did the tightly held parts of his attire loosen as the undone belt revealed the tense fly of his pants.
"Continue." murmured Skywalker, and this time, knowing perfectly how to deal with the clasp of his trousers, you revealed hisā¦
"Anakinā¦ You're already harā¦"
"Shut up!"
He didn't even let you finish. He had no intention. He seized the opportunity as quickly as he could, thrusting into your mouth while your lips were still parted in speech.
"Keep your hands to yourself. Don't even try anything. It'll only get worse."
Though it was hard for Anakin to consider it pleasurable for you, you simply felt it. You were ready to shed tears from your eyes as he penetrated your throat in a way that hindered your functioning - to say it was a vision that had long formed in your mind.
"I give, you take. Understood?"
Skywalker spoke, trying unsuccessfully to conceal heavy breaths and sighs between words. When you tried to nod in agreement, your nose was almost pressed against his lower abdomen, and for a fraction of a second, you looked up at him communicatively from below, but shortly after, you impulsively closed your eyes, feeling his size exceeding your boundaries.
"Fuck!"
Anakin began to pant as if he could no longer hide the fact that his body was reacting to what you were doing. You couldn't see it, but his gloved hand clenched, affecting you in a way you couldn't predict.
His hips, initially motionless, involuntarily began to thrust, as if he could press even deeper into your throat, but it was no longer possible. Anakin, however, had a ready solution. You felt a tightening in your throat, much like when he had used his power before to force you to kneel.
"Exactly like that. Fuck. Take it. I said, take it!"
He snarled through gritted teeth, smiling sinisterly and somehow proudly that he was fucking your throat like a fleshlight. Initially disorientation prevented your body from reacting to the sudden, numbing sensation, but after a few more thrusts, uncontrollable reflexes began to surface, indicating that Anakin was pushing the limits of your endurance. You choked, your eyes watering, but it wasn't a significant signal for him.
Impulsively, you gritted your teeth.
"You slut!"
Anakin growled loudly, then withdrew from you, and in the next moment, everything around you started to blur, and you felt pain.
Sudden pain.
Out of nowhere, after your throat released, and after a mixture of precum and your saliva dripped down your chin, Anakin slapped you across the cheek with an open hand.
"Is this how you want to play? Then let's fucking play."
Your mind was still foggy as you felt yourself no longer touching the ground. Anakin forcefully lifted you from the floor, tossing you clumsily over his shoulder. As your vision began to clear, you collided with the bed in the adjacent room.
"I'm sorry, I won'tā¦"
"Not now."
Skywalker interrupted, forcefully stripping away what you had on. He had no intention of romanticizing anything. He didn't care to strip you completely naked; he wanted access.
So instead of playing the undressing game, he left scraps of fabric on you. His strong hands tore the fronds of your bra, exposing your breasts to view, before ripping apart your elastic training pants, which offered no resistance due to their material.
"Now that we know how easy it is to shut you upā¦ Now you can fucking scream."
You lay flat on your back as Anakin climbed onto you, and after lifting your thigh, he thrust into you without warning. You emitted an almost animalistic scream when you felt that not only did he push himself into you to full length, but he had no intention of starting slowly.
"I knew you were going to leak, little bitch. I fucking knew it!"
Anakin uttered in a growling voice, imposing such a pace that he had to interrupt almost every word with panting. His thrusts were very fast and deep from the very beginning. His tip was hitting your cervix, with the full guarantee that tomorrow you would wake up bruised from the inside. But did it really matter?
Anakin's gaze was wild and hungry, but although you could tell he was clouded by his lust to unload, he was still able to read your emotions perfectly. You were writhing and moaning-you couldn't string a sentence together, but Skywalker could see without words that you were deriving pleasure from your brutal teaching, so he allowed himself more and more.
You didn't know if it was an impulse or your usual thoughtlessness, but taking advantage of the fact that your body wasn't yet completely impaled on the bed, your head lifted as if to reach his mouth.
"Are you kidding me, slut!?"
Suddenly, Anakin howled in a raised voice, very quickly bringing you back to your place. Skywalker took his hand off your hip and pressed you against the pillow, gripping your neck tightly.
"In your dreamsā¦ Fuckā¦ In your dreams."
He muttered, breathing heavily over your face as you clenched your eyes shut from the sudden pressure. Those were Anakin's words once again, echoing in your head ironically, because, contrary to appearances, it was here and now that your dream was coming true. One of the most abstract, vulgar, and animalistic thoughts that had ever crossed your mind.
You melted as you listened to his heavy breaths, his growls and moans that pushed you to the edge along with the brutal thrusts you were receiving with pleasure.
Well, not just you.
Up until now stable, Anakin's hand, which had been firmly immobilized on your neck, began to tremble, and his thrusts were no longer as rhythmic as before. A growl escaped his vocal cords that you had never heard before, and his other hand, which had been holding you in place so far, gripped your body in a bruising hold.
A current of electricity ran through your body, preventing you from further controlling the situation. You didn't even feel the moment when the warm fluid flooded your insides, and Anakin, though trying to distance himself before his orgasm, let his head fall towards your neck, where his sweaty strands of tousled hair rested.
You both reached the climax, and your dizziness caused total darkness to fall around you, with only a ringing in your ears and Anakin's heavy breaths. It took a while for both of you to synchronize your breaths, and you wanted to close your eyes to momentarily disconnect from the sensations, but it didn't last long until Skywalker's breathless voice reached your ears again.
"From now on, it will be like this every dayā¦"
He uttered those words with extraordinary gravity, then paused for a moment and took a deep breath.
"But don't worryā¦ You'll get used to it quickly."
You absorbed each of his words with acceptance, and his heated hand that held your neck began to touch your face.
"Every day, I will break you down just as you broke meā¦ And you will accept it with humility."
Although a sense of unease began to creep over your body, you continued to listen.
"I will fulfill your dream of being close to me every day. I will prove to you every day how wrong you were about meā¦"
You did so with unease, but upon hearing those words, you directed your gaze towards him to see him staring straight at you with deadly seriousness.
"And if you ever have enoughā¦ If you ever want to escape from meā¦ Even at the end of the world...
I join in the sadness of all Hayden's fans who were looking forward to meeting him in August in Essen.
Once again, we- Europeans- end up on the losing side, this time in one of the most arrogant and disgusting ways imaginableābeing literally outbid and having Hayden taken from us by the Chicago Comic Con.
The dismissive attitude of the organizers and the circumstances under which our event was canceled fill me with nothing but anger and a profound sense of injustice.
love,
Erin
Today is my birthday, and on this occasion, I would like to share something incredibly important to me with you all. Something that has been consuming my senses and distracting my focus in recent days when I tried to write. This year, after quite a tough time (a breakup, moving), my birthday turned my life upside down because the gift I received granted me the opportunity to fulfill my biggest lifelong dream.
Meeting Hayden Christensen.
I live in a rather unlucky corner of Europe, and until recently, seeing people who had such an opportunity brought me to tears. Today, however, I cry for a different reason, and I am grateful to everyone who contributed to this moment - to those who supported me, lifted my spirits, and never let me stop believing that one day I would be the happiest person on earth.
Now I am waiting for August - the most beautiful month of my life.
