ivyrose

words&music

[erstwhilechild]

I haven't slept a wink.

[erstwhilechild]

floating in space while listening to my favorite music and waiting to burst. my kind of death.

[erstwhilechild]

the world is too much.

[erstwhilechild]

I miss this place.

[stevefawcettmojomagazinedesign]

Feature on Jeff Buckly, Mojo issue 15, February 1995. Photography by Anton Corbijn.

[erstwhilechild]

Manifesting.

[erstwhilechild]

When we deprive ourselves too much from the things that we should indulge into, it became our haunting nightmares with our eyes wide open in broad daylight.

[erstwhilechild]

I miss my friend, Ken.

[erstwhilechild]

Christmas is nearing. And the anxiety I felt about everything heightened. I wanna go away for the time being until christmas is over. Surely, this is such a marvelous month, if only I knew how to celebrate it.

[erstwhilechild]

I can't believe that I am tearing up hearing this song. Though I've been listening to this in a long time, I've never felt like crying. Just this time. I guess I knew what my heart is saying.

We never met, Jeff but how could I miss you this much?

[erstwhilechild]

I think we can all agree that December is the most joyous of all months and that Christmas would automatically be the best season of the year. Hence, it's the most deceiving moment for me. It's like I built something inside me unconciously, to give the same energy and same perspective like everyone else do when it's christmas. Everybody is happy. Everybody is excited. I am too. For a reason that I have to.

[erstwhilechild]

When you hate a thing, you became one.

[erstwhilechild]

Breathe. Just take things slowly please. Do not pressure yourself for things that don't matter. You're not in a competition. Life ain't. Turn a blind eye if possible if things are overwhelming you so much. Just remember the promise you made to yourself. Manifesting a simple life.

[erstwhilechild]

Lord, I am hopeful that someday fulfillness will find me.

[erstwhilechild]

The face and body that everyone one wants. Everyone hope for and die to have. When I was a kid, I swore to myself that when I grow up I will be confident with what I have. I do not wish to wish having plastic surgery or even entertain the idea. I should be proud and people will still admire me for being"true" to myself.

Am I? Is this truthful though to think this everyday "what if I am perfect?", "I wish I could be this perfect woman with a bod to die for and a pretty face." I am such a hypocrite, yes. And to think there are no days that I don't think about a perfect life even though I know that couldn't happen. So maybe I have to accept this. That no matter how much I want it, I cannot wish for something that doesn't exist.

[erstwhilechild]

one of the things that kept me alive.