The Quiet One Speaks

[eruptingquietstorm]

What Have You Done For Someone Else Lately?

Before you speak to me about your religion, first show it to me in how you treat other people; before you tell me how much you love your God, show me in how much you love all His children; before you preach to me of your passion for your faith, teach me about it through your compassion for your neighbors. In the end, I’m not as interested in what you have to tell or sell as in how you choose to live and give.

This is a quote by New Jersey Senator, and hopefully future president, Corey Booker. When I initially read this quote, it struck a chord with me. I was raised in a Holy Ghost filled, Bible touting, baptizing, speaking-in-tongues household. From the outside looking in, you would call us religious. Yet, we didn’t associate ourselves with religion. The elders in my family would often rebuke the spirit of religion. However, I’ve recently began to reevaluate what it really means to be religious. Living in a home of quarreling siblings, it was instilled in us “do onto others as you would want them to do unto us.” But what does this mean? I’m a pretty decent person. I treat everyone with kindness and courtesy as I would expect them to do the same to me. But why do I feel like this isn’t enough, like there’s a deeper meaning to Matthew 7:12?

Have I become desensitized to the way I treat people or to the way I react to what’s surrounding me? Am I becoming desensitized to what happens in the news everyday? I admit, listening to 24-hour news can be intense. It can leave you in state of constant anger and protest, or it can completely numb you, making it easier for you ignore what’s happening around you. Social media doesn’t help either. It’s an awesome platform for amplifying messages and creating awareness, but it can be emotionally draining also. Conversation and debate can immediately turn into thumb thugging and bashing. You know, trigger fingers turning into twitter fingers. Now, don’t get me wrong. I enjoy a good virtual dragging. I will repost memes, and sometimes even create them. Participating in silly banter is different when it involves public figures. What did Raven Syomne say this week? Did Don Lemon really just say that? Why Zoe Saldana? Why? This often leads to me overly criticizing what others are not doing for their community. But, I’m not challenging myself and holding myself to the same standard or higher. What am I doing for others? What am I doing for my community? I’m embarrassed to say, NOTHING. Being an upstanding citizen isn’t enough. Being a good Christian man isn’t enough. Am I showing others about my beliefs and faith? Am I helping others?

It was installed in me that being a good Christian means spreading the message of Christ at every opportunity. You’re responsible for every soul you come in contact with. In other words, being an “Evangelist” was top priority. Attending mosquito infested tent revivals. Passing out Christian tracks during Halloween. Having midday prayer. All of these activities made up my childhood. Can you imagine the amount of pressure this was for a quiet 10-year-old boy—having to be responsible for someone else’s soul? Now, you can guess that these activities are no longer active in my life as a 29-year-old man. Even church attendance has reduced throughout the past couple of years. Not because I’m no longer interested in my faith or because I’m “backsliding.” I am just entering a new phase in my life where my faith is tied to what I’m doing for others. Preaching to someone isn’t enough. I cannot let my beliefs outweigh my behavior.

Every Thanksgiving weekend I participate in a chili cook off at the Safehouse in downtown Atlanta. There I would assist in feeding the homeless. In the past, I have also volunteered at the HandsOn Network as a skill-based volunteer. However, I truly believe that I have gifts and talents that can better serve my community. This entails aligning my passion and gift with the services I offer to others. What does that look like? To be completely honest, I don’t know. Many people don’t know how they can help. Yet still, I need to find out.

The first step to aligning my passion with service is to figure out what are people in need of. It’s hard to determine what others’ needs are focusing on my own. What did I need growing up? What opportunities are my people missing? Sometimes, you can even use your needs to inspire you to help others.

After determining such, I have to find out what do I have to offer. Of course, there’s the number one commodity, time. But what else can I offer? Is it the same talents I offer corporate America for a paycheck? What about my hobbies? How can I use this to serve others?

Lastly, implementation is very important. I enjoy dreaming. Nevertheless, I prefer to take a logistical approach in making my dreams come true along with others’. I have to plan and measure my impact. I want to see the results. I want to see the change, and as the motto says “be the change I want to see.”

[eruptingquietstorm]

I Need You To Hold Me Accountable

In the past, I have always excelled academically. However, I have lacked in other areas. This year I am working on improving in the areas I have lacked. The first step is to acknowledge the areas I need to improve, which is the reason why I have joined the Toastmaster’s organization last year. The next step would be to be persistent in achieving these tasks, which includes holding myself accountable. This why I’m here talking about these goals in front of you. I’m letting others aware of what I’m trying to achieve. Here are the goals I’m setting for myself this year and will hopefully become routine for me as I enter into the third decade of my life.

Write Something Everyday

I have always had a knack for writing, but somehow I haven’t really harbored on it as a skill. Ever since the Internet was accessible, I have always had a blog in some form. Even before that, I occasionally journaled. However, I never took it seriously until I started seeing others having success in writing and new media. So, I began to publicize my writings. And I’m getting great feedback, even in the workplace. Now, I’m looking at writing as new creative outlet. Entering the land of inglorious think pieces and rants can be scary. Therefore, I hope to take a more satirical take on my writing like The Onion, VerySmartBrothas.com or the web series Awkard Black Girl.

Gain Weight Through Weight Training

I have always been the scrawny, bony fella. My grandmother would always sharply rebuke me, “BOY, YOU NEED TO PUT SOME MEAT ON YOUR BONES! Are you drinking enough milk?” Now, I’m putting more effort into transforming from scrawny and bony to thick and brawny. Therefore, I have taken up weight lifting seriously. I have dabbled in it previously. But because of my body type, I have to really strategize. If not, I’ll just end up looking like a pregnant kangaroo. 

We confess on a weekly basis being the change you want to see. Well, sometimes you have to see the change you want to be. So, I’m tracking my diet through an app called MyFitnessPal and following all these fitness gurus on Instagram and YouTube.

Learn A New Language

Another part of my journey is to travel more, especially out of the US. To do this, I’m learning a new language--Español. So, my first trip outside of the US will be to visit our neighbor Mexico or at least Miami. I have started to take action doing this through an awesome app called Duolingo. I’m now spending five minutes a day learning Spanish.

Explore My Spiritually

Growing up, I have always been the church kid. Monday night, prayer. Tuesday night, protocol. Wednesday night, Bible Study. Thursday night, leadership meeting. Friday night, tent revival. Saturday morning, praise team rehearsal. Sunday morning, church service. Sunday night, evening service. I was there each and every time. We even had church at home. Church, church, church. Now, I’m looking to discover who I am spiritually outside of the church. I’m looking to find myself without the hustle and bustle of attending church like it’s a second job or choir. So, this year, I’m challenging myself to learn something new—meditation. I have downloaded an app to help with that also. (Headspace.) I haven’t used it yet. To be honest, I’d rather sleep than meditate. But it has mental and health benefits..from what I can see.

Be Adamant About My Financial Goals

There’s always so much debt. So many bills to pay. So many things to do, but I can’t because of money. I don’t want to feel trapped by money. I’m going to explore all streams of opportunity. As I mentioned earlier, I have discovered a new passion, writing, which means more possible streams of income and investment.

Try This Thing They Call Love

In the words of India Arie, “I am ready for love.” …I think. I really want to try it out. Empty my bank account. Run all my 300 anytime minutes. Get some overages. Pay somebody’s else bills. You know. All that foolish fru fru lame shit. I want to get out of my own head and stop overthinking everything. Stop being afraid of vulnerability. I’m ready to try this thing everyone calls “love.” Who knows…maybe I’ll like it.

So, I have revealed all of this to you all for your help. If you see me in the street, question me. Ask me to say something in Spanish. Ask me how many profile pics I swiped right on Tinder or SoulSwipe. Ask me how much I can bench press…okay…don’t ask me that. I don’t want to embarrass myself. But challenge me to progress.

[eruptingquietstorm]

Discovering Who I am – The INTJ Architect

I’m a sucker for personality tests like those Buzzfeed quizzes in which I base life decisions. Recently, I took the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator on 16personalities.com.  Developed by Isabel Briggs Myers and Katharine Brings, this test determines the 16 distinctive personality types you fall under as determined by C.G. Jung. And thank God I have discovered that I’m a INTJ. INTJ stands for introversion, intuition, thinking and judgement:

·        Introversion—finding energy through self-reflection.

·        Intuition—understanding the big picture through metaphors and nuances.

·        Thinking—looking for logic throughout the chaos.

·        Judging—being goal and task-oriented.

INTJs are also known as “The Architect.” After discovering that I’m “The Architect,” I have learned a lot about myself and why I interact with others the way that I do. Here are things I learned about myself after taking this test.

Being an introvert does not mean I’m socially inadequate. Often, introversion is perceived as being shy and a roadblock to success. However, this isn’t the case at all. Some of our most successful public figures are introverts like Microsoft founder Bill Gates, former Secretary of State Colin Powell, and President Barack Obama. Excelling socially just isn’t a high priority. Instead, we introverts excel in solitude.

Yes, I can be creative and logical. Using creativity and imagination is not just for artistry, but also action planning. In the past, I always thought I had to be either completely creative or completely analytical. Yet, I excel in both areas. This is why I have an affinity for marketing. It provides a space where I can flex both sides of my brain, making me a Jack-of-all Trades.

I lack emotional intelligence. For INTJs, being emotional is viewed as an irrational weakness, which describes me to the T. As I get older, I’m working on being more emotionally available. Sometimes, I think I’m emotionally dormant. But I’m not. I just feel emotions differently. Expressing and understanding emotions are viewed from a methodical perspective with an expectation of others to understand that perspective. This is why I operate well within a small group of friends…or to be completely honest…no friends. From the perspective of an INTJ, friendship occurs when there is intellectual stimulation and an understanding of their dark, sarcastic humor, which makes small talk and “spilling tea” a chore.

Now I’m understanding my career failures. Previously, I blamed all of my career failures to not being able to “network.” However, hobnobbing with corporate leadership isn’t something that an INTJ respects. I expect my work to speak for itself, which was hard to do in the early stages of my career since experience was sparse. Now, I’m understanding that I have to manage my “lone wolf” persona and to proactively speak to the work I’ve done.

Before you get to know anyone else, you must know yourself. This is why I’m encouraging everyone that’s on the path to self-improvement to take a real personality test like Meyer-Briggs’…instead of a Buzzfeed quiz helping you discover which Beyoncé song represents your aurora.

[eruptingquietstorm]

The Fears of Turning 30: Leaving The Roaring 20s & Entering The Dirty 30s

There are several pivotal birthdays you reach in life. Your 18th birthday. Your 21st birthday. And your 30th. “How did I get here so fast?” I often ask myself, with peers getting married and having kids before they even turn 30. Is this the definition of being 30? I’m redefining 30. Thirty is now the new 20.

I remember growing up full of foolish thoughts about what it means to be old. When I was younger, I couldn’t wait to get older. As soon as the summer started approaching, I was proud to claim that extra half. “You’re 6, right?” People would ask. I’d quickly reply, “No! I’m 6 and a half,” even though I was more like 6 and three quarters. However, I didn’t reach that level of fractions in elementary school, yet. Now people ask, “You’re in your 30s, right?” “No! I’m still in my 20s. 29.45 to be exact.” No need to round up.

Growing up, I would always here my elders complain about kids these days. “These kids don’t know nothing about [insert exaggeration].” Now, as I grow older I’m making it an effort not to bash young people and their endeavors. Largely because I don’t want to lose my sense of youth. And I don’t want to blame the troubles of this world on young people. It’s not only annoying, but it’s also discouraging. Conquering the cranky old man within is motivation enough to solidify my stance that 30 is the new 20.

Yes, I lived most of my 20s sheltered, in fear and in the struggle. Now, I’m redefining what it means to be 30. People assume that once you hit a certain age, you’re supposed to be established. But what is “established.” Is it wearing Stevie Harvey tailored suits to the church’s Gospel Jubilee? Is it living with a white picket fence and 2.5 kids in the suburbs of Cobb County? Is it doing a two-step on the Tom Joyner cruise in my finest white linen? No. It’s embodying all I’ve learned throughout my 30 years of existence. These lessons include:

1.       Not being ashamed of masturdating. Even though I have moved to a new city on my own, the fear of doing things alone has kept me indoors living the life of a hermit. Now, I’m learning how to “masturdate.” The word “masturdate” is a portmanteau of the words dating and…well…you know… “exploring yourself.” It means to go out on a date…ALONE. This year I’ve been to over six concerts, two movies and now I’m planning to go on a trip on my own. Never be afraid to masturdate.

2.       Be a failure. In my 20s, I failed A LOT! Being the precocious overachiever I was as a kid, learning to accept responsibility for my failures has been hard. I’m used to living in a world where A+B always equals C. Now, I’m learning this isn’t always the case. Sometimes A and B are not even a part of the equation. Don’t be afraid to accept failure as the answer to the equation. Accept it. And learn from it.

3.       Show you’re your whole mug. Everyone is raised and taught to be two-faced. In corporate America, we’re taught to hide who we are for a check. In church, we’re taught to hide our sins and failures for two hours every Sunday morning. In our social circles, we’re taught not to gear too far away from the unspoken protocol of that social clique. We’re taught to fit in at all costs and show our poker face. Now, I’m realizing that I bring a new diverse perspective to the table; and working or being around people who can’t appreciate that is a dishonor to myself and the God that made me. I’m leaving being two-faced in my 20s. I’m going to show my whole mug throughout my 30s and beyond.

What’s the redefinition of 30? The redefinition of 30 is being unequivocally, intrinsically the self that I was so scared to be in my 20s and passing this lesson on to those who are younger. 30 is the new 20 and 30 is what 20 wants to be. 29.45 and counting.

[eruptingquietstorm]

Butterfly, The Struggle Makes You Beautiful

Butterfly The struggle makes you beautiful The struggle makes you fly Spread your wings and be new again.

These are the lyrics to a song called "Butterfly" by the singer Bilal. And in many ways I am that butterfly. I grew up in a small town in Louisiana called Franklin with a diminishing population of less than 9,000. So, everybody knew everybody. Everybody was kin to everybody. It was so small that you knew your neighbor's DNA make up. Riding through the city as a child, I remember my mom pointing at almost every stranger we passed by saying, "You know that's your cousin, right?" I would look back at her puzzled and ask, "Are we kin to everybody?" The short answer, "Yep!" That's how small of a town I grew up in. The only thing we didn't know was each other's social security number. But truth be told, we knew each other's credit score, which was close enough.  

Growing up in this small town, my cousins and I would dream of moving out and leaving this boring town. But in a sense, the boredom of this town created a sense of safety and familiarity for me. I was comfortable. And I've been fighting this feeling of comfort ever since.

As a child, I was your stereotypical first born. I was the responsible one. The over-achiever.  The one holding everyone accountable for their actions. And pretty much a home body. Everyone would be outside playing sports during the humid summers. Me, I would rather be gardening in solitude or inside studying while listening to the latest Kirk Franklin or Fred Hammond. And yes, I grew up in a strict Christian home. So, my strict up bringing brought another sense of comfort, defining what was normal and giving me a rigid sense of order. Anything that rebelled against this system of normality frightened me in more ways than one. So, you can imagine the culture shock I experienced while attending a liberal arts college in New Orleans. There having a good time was everyone's major. Even the priests sipped on alcohol...or should I say wine. Ironic because students were required to study philosophy and other religions. A concept I never heard of before. In my household, Jesus was the ultimate philosopher and decision maker, not Nietzsche. I even attended a Buddhist meditation service, a stark contrast from the shouting and wailing I've experienced growing up in church.

In my first year of college, little by little this caterpillar started building his cocoon. I didn't do well in new environments, especially this one. So, I began to withdraw. This was when this sense of comfort began creeping up. And even though I wouldn't admit it to my parents or myself, I began to feel home sick. After spending a weekend home, my parents would always ask before dropping me off, "Are you sure you want to go back? You know you can always come home." To them, me living in the "big bad city" wasn't something I was prepared for. Truth be told, the city wasn't that bad. I knew how to maneuver the city with ease. And I wasn’t as green as they thought. It was this sense of unfamiliarity that made me uneasy. Where I'm from, once you go back, you never leave. And I DID NOT want to be stuck in a little old town called Franklin. Therefore, I decided to stay and stick it out. I was done being the over achiever. I became less concerned with being the best student. Being Suma Cum Laude didn't mean anything to me anymore. My goal was to be some type of laude, as long as it wasn’t an oh laude. (The point where your grades scream, “OH LAUDE!”) May 10, 2008, I graduated Cum Laude. The first in my family to attend and finish college. I was determined to leave. And leave I did.

After ignoring my professors' suggestions to stay, pursue my MBA and help rebuild the city of New Orleans, I moved back home with my sights on working in marketing, particularly within the entertainment industry. I applied at every major record label in New York and Los Angeles. I was confident. I had good grades, a top-notch education from a private institution and I had professors willing to recommend me at a moment's notice. Who wouldn't hire me? Obviously, a lot of people. One month turned into two months. Two into three. And three into four. Still, no job offer. Economist were saying we were on the brink of a recession. Even my economics professor forecasted a recession. I dismissed it as a governmental marketing ploy or conspiracy. Besides, I paid my dues to society. I was a productive citizen. And I have my degree. I ended up working at Wal-Mart. Many people questioned me, "Why are you working at Wal-Mart with a degree?" I didn't even know myself. Here I was in this familiar land, living this familiar life that I didn't want. But I was determined. The butterfly started morphing and pushing his way outside of his comfort zone. I needed a change. To Atlanta I go.

I moved to Atlanta with the hopes of achieving my goal, working as a marketer within media or the entertainment industry. With its southern charm, Atlanta offered this sense of familiarity I was used to. Yet, it would allow me to grow as a person. But little did I know the struggle would continue. Here I was in a bigger city with little to no connections and no familiar faces. But I was persistent. I've been here before. Struggling. And I wasn't going to allow the struggle to continue to define me.

Ironically, social media began to peak my interest. Ironic because I wasn't and I'm still not a sociable person. I spend most of my time on the Internet. In fact, I kind of live vicariously through the Internet. My online personality doesn't even match my public persona. I began to learn that there's a science behind the way humans, especially my generation, interact with each other, which peaked my interest. It spoke to both the analytical and creative sides of my personality. So, I reluctantly went back to school to get my Masters. After surviving several corporate and life hiccups, I'm finally learning to embody the lyrics Bilal was singing. I'm beginning to step outside of my comfort zone and break through my cocoon:

Butterfly The struggle makes you beautiful The struggle makes you fly Spread your wings and be new again.