Lord Esor Writes Poetry

I'm just really bad at writing poetry.

[esorianpoet]

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[esorianpoet]

Romeo

I’m a straight-up Romeo I got love for a girl, ya know So if you be looking for some love I could be your little ol’ dove Somewhere in the darkness near I see a heart severed on a spear I’ll comfort you throughout our days And take your soul out of its haze.

[esorianpoet]

Unicorn’s Lament

I’m a fabulous unicorn I prance to and fro My mane is made of rainbows And my fur of cotton candy When I enter, people scream From excitement or fear, you decide I’m quite fond of cupcakes But I like death, too. Destruction makes me smile. And screams are delightful. If you don’t admire my fabulousness, You’ll regret it deeply. My hooves are sharp. And my teeth are pointed So beware the sassy unicorn If you want to keep your head.

[esorianpoet]

Perverted Gummy Bear

I’m terrified of my gummy bear It watches me while I sleep I think that it’s a pervert Because it acts like a real creep Its soulless eyes bore into me while my back is turned So I set it on fire and it burned But little did I know that fire couldn’t stop it It came back from deep within the put When I opened my eyes from my slumber, It stood there pale as a cucumber.

[esorianpoet]

What

What What, what Hey, mutt You know what? You’re cute. Puppies!

[esorianpoet]

Horrors of Socialization

Social, I am not It requires talking to humans I think I’d prefer to rot Maybe not that extreme But it’s pretty close Because humans are hard to talk to When there’s a cat and a laptop Ready at home where it’s warm I feel ready to pop When I think about the horror of SOCIALIZATION.

[esorianpoet]

I Should Not Have A Child

My friend  had a baby So I thought just maybe I might finally be good with the baby But I was wrong I am not good with babies I apparently act like they have rabies And I hold them away from me Because I don’t know what to do With the small human that should be Wearing a tiny shoe So I stay away from babies Because I’m awkward.

[esorianpoet]

Snails of Hell

He had a pet snail He got it in the mail He tried racing but got bored So he put it in its box in my hoard But it came to him in his sleep And terrified him to weep Because that dang snail Sure knew how to make him wail So little Freddy’s breath is gone And the snail is left to make demon spawn

[esorianpoet]

Ode to Cauliflower

I am fond of cauliflower I feel it has a certain power It’s like broccoli but not Eyes find it easy to spot I love its flavor of stuff It looks like a giant puff Yes, I love cauliflower Humans should cower At the greatness of cauliflower

[esorianpoet]

Dinosaur Abs

I dream of dinosaurs Yes, you heard me, Dinosaurs They live on moors And have large pores My fabulous dinosaurs Lolligagging in a spree Dear me Impressed am I with their strong cores I hear their ferocious roars And crumble into my shell, My own personal hell Filled with those dinosaurs

[esorianpoet]

Vegetales Asesinos

For years, we have eaten vegetables And for years we have spoken of the living dead But we never expected carrots to strangle us with cables My poor brother died by green bean So I decided to investigate behind the scene Carrots are stained with the blood of children And they’re responsible for the death of the Brazilian But where is poor Freddy-poo? Beware or they may come come get you.

[esorianpoet]

Jalapeño Child

What happened to my child? I gave it away to some jalapeños I thought were mild, But it turned out that they were not Because that little kid, just a tot Started crying because it was hot. However, that child can suck it up, Since I will not have a pathetic baby.

[esorianpoet]

My Pencil Friend

My pencil is my friend Whether it likes me or not, I do not know I gradually kill it by using its innards And I occasionally fill it with others’ I suffocate it in my pocket I’d gladly sell it for a locket But even though my pencil is dead I would still call it my friend

[esorianpoet]

Tomato

The day the world became a tomato Terrified the people that hated them How would they live if not to skate, oh The tomato-lovers rejoiced, starting to eat Soon, however, the Earth will be no more Because the tomato is now the floor. So, yes, Freddy, my dear, Your plan of world domination Will never work if we eat this yummy planet.

[esorianpoet]

Salt and Pepper

Salt and pepper brighten a meal They make the consumers have zeal When you put them on They gallop on your taste buds like fawn.

[esorianpoet]

I Am Odd and Insane

I am odd and insane I wonder about the life of a cow I hear mooing I see a cow I want some beef I am odd and insane

I pretend I own a farm I feel sorrow I touch the skin of the cow I worry that I won’t get milk I cry about the wild cows who can’t give us milk I am odd and insane

I understand that cows are animals I say they have souls too I dream about the time I will become one I try to make that time come sooner I hope I will reincarnate into a cow I am odd and insane.

[esorianpoet]

Tights

Tights They get you into fights Though they do not help with human rights They make your legs look pretty Though they won’t help you be witty They aren’t leggings; those are different Don’t you dare compare My pretty tights To your ugly leggings.