2025 update
Oh hey. It's been 7 months, apparently. I haven't said shit about anything I experienced within this time.
To put it lightly, I'm fucked. No. I'm kidding, but I haven't been feeling so well in the past month...
That being said, things have changed since I last updated this blog. Right from the get go in January, I made new friends, somehow. It started with me doing some silly livestreams for TikTok playing Monster Hunter, which led me to talking to my audience, and further led me into joining their Discord servers. From here on, I met new people who are slowly becoming my new friend group from now on.
The next few months mostly involved me pulling out my old social skills and putting them to the test in joining a community. It was me attempting to find soulmates and keeping them forever (or, for at least a couple of years). I managed to make my own little circle of friends, dysfunctional as we all are. One of them I kind of have a crush on, but I can't really see it going anywhere for now unless he initiates something first, but whatever.
In the space of time that transpired, I have gained new friends, but I've lost one as well. A "friend" was too toxic, and I had to just cut things off with them. Hope they're doing well, but I also hope they never talk to me again.
It's July now, and I'm at that point where I just don't know what's going on, or where I'm headed for in life. I just wanna keep up with my new friends, and maybe consider a new career path. At 28 years old, I'm still trying to claw my way out of some hellish pit that both the pandemic and my ex dropped me into. I'm envious of other people who are able to bounce back like nothing happened. I haven't taken a vacation in years, and it's starting to take a toll on me.
I've been experiencing brain fog, I think. I don't know if it's because of my bipolar disorder, or my compounded depressing experiences in life, or both. There's been moments at my work where I just freeze and do nothing, in an effort to prevent bad things from happening. Even I don't understand why that's my coping mechanism, and why it happens so frequently. It's so stupid, because I honestly feel like I just need something good to happen in my life so that I can have a fresh start. That maybe if I were in a better mood most of the time, I would be able to get things done better. Oh well, who cares anyway. A couple more fuckups and I can just kiss my job goodbye.
On a brighter note, my gaming experience has never been better. It is honestly very nice that I have people to play with on the regular. My socializing paid off, and now I manage a Discord server. I know they can't do much to improve my living situation, but they ease the pain. Laughter arising from a friend's humour can cure a bad day. Maybe this is incredibly selfish of me, but I do hope that I can find a romantic plot twist from a friend. It's the kind that's preferrable to the nightly scrolling of a gay hookup app that I have a love-hate relationship with. To be honest, the sex partners available to me are... not that great. I don't intend to start anything with them beyond casual sex maybe once a month, and I intend to keep it that way.
It's very likely no one cares about or reads my blogs and updates, but I just feel compelled to put my story out there. Perhaps someone out there understands my situation and wants to relate. That would be really cool. In the meantime, I'll... gather more experiences so I have more stories to tell. If there's anything I love doing, it's yapping to somebody about the things I feel. Hopefully I end up with a marvellous twist sometime soon.
