Positively Tired

•Annamoose• •1998• 🏳️‍🌈 ”Blame it on my ADD baby”

[bovineblogger]

What if there was a cow that could fly?

um. uhh um. fat bumbalbee

[bovineblogger]

fat little bumbalabee

[i-havenothingelsetopost]

bumbalamoo

[bovineblogger]

HOLY SHIT???!!!!!!!

[brightlotusmoon]

[argumate]

you bottle Miette??

[dhavaer]

You crush Miette like the grape?

[digitaldiscipline]

brick up mother in basement for ONE THOUSAND YEARS

[tzikeh]

The Cask of Miettellado

[hasufin]

Y'all are just absolutely committed to creating humor I cannot explain to my spouse, aren't you?

[intelligentchristianlady]

A bus may have only a couple of passengers, especially at the beginning or end of its route. But let's also take fuel efficiency into account.

[foxoftheasterisk]

If there's one person on a bus because that person cannot or doesn't want to drive, the bus is succeeding.

[luckyladylily]

I read a study once on the fuel efficiency of various types of commuter vehicles (car, bus, train) on a per person basis and the number of people needed riding public transit to match the "efficiency" of cars is shockingly low. A bus needs to carry like 3-4 people to be fuel efficient, and trains require 2-3 per train car. Both often carry two dozen or more during peak hours, more than justifying any perceived requirements for efficiency for the train or bus to provide service the entire day.

[brightlotusmoon]

[boltlightning]

I DONT CARE HOW MANY BEDS THERE WERE. WHAT IS YOUR BOOK ABOUT

[trekkiesagainstchastity]

(tearfully) w- working at the mattress store

[boltlightning]

i'm so fucking sorry. can you ever forgive me

[epicsause-official]

"comparing apples and oranges" has always been funny to me as an expression because people's go to exampe of two things so radically different that they defy any useful comparison are apples. and oranges. like you would struggle to find a more comparable pair of objects than that. theyre literally sold right next to each other in most stores.

[epicsause-official]

wikipedia has a whole ass section dedicated to international variants of the idiom so let me quickly run through them

see this is even worse than oranges. pears and apples are like the most comparable things ever. france takes another L

ok so this is what i mean. these are measures of temperature and texture and are in fact not very comparable. молодцы ребята продолжаем в том же духе.

colombia wins most vivid image invoked hands down. would not want that to happen to me.

and i think we can all agree romania wins this hands down. everyone give a big round of applause to romania

[that-stone-butch]

personalized ads are so funny to me

'hey we've been spying on you and tracking your every move. it's a culmination of state of the art technology and an unprecedented invasion of consumer privacy. a room full of men with made up jobs bent their will toward decades of constructing this system, defending it in court, and tirelessly innovating new ways to aggregate more data about you'

and the end result is

'yeah so uh we saw that you recently bought a car. so here's an ad for that car'

like no i'm good actually. you might be aware that i already have one

[elfwreck]

[cherrylemonadex]

VIOLET BRIDGERTON !! GIVE ME JUST ONE CHANCE PLEASE !! I COULD BE YOUR CONTROVERSIALLY YOUNG GIRLFRIEND !!

[humanoidhistory]

Exploring virtual reality at NASA’s Ames Research Center, 1989.

[hustlerose]

alien bussy fingering simulator 2019

[hustlerose]

this is the top result when i google my url 

[poughkeepsietapes]

i’m never gonna stop laughing about this. it debuted on tumblr in 2017 and i think of it OFTEN.

[cilantrhoes]

[curioscurio]

when I tell you I had to do a double take because I thought these were 2 parts of the same whole joke

[asmeesh]

1$ flea market score. Tiny glass 1960s perfume bottles. I love them.

[shit-show-no-go]

Can you swap their heads ?

[asmeesh]

omg you can

[asmeesh]

Their meeting was foretold in the ancient texts

[theinvisiblespoon]

[no-more-dead-dogs]

okay so i work in the deli of a grocery store, yeah? and today i got this guy who came up with his two twin children, around five years old. he walks up to the counter, carrying one kid in each arm, and loudly goes "oh, no, i forgot what i wanted!" and turns to the boy in his left arm and, in a perfect blues clues style voice, goes "caleb, do you remember what i wanted?" and the boy goes "half pound of yellow cheese!"

i, obviously, say "you've got it little sir!" and slice up half a pound of yellow american cheese, handing it to the little boy, who looks it over, nods, and tucks it in his lap.

then the man goes "well, we can't just have cheese on our sandwiches. but what else can we put on there?" and the little gurl in his other arm goes "half pound of ham!" so i nod and say "yes ma'am! what kind?" and she points at a random cut of turkey, so her father nods and says "like she said, honey ham!" i cut half a pound of honey ham, hand it to the little lady, she looks it over, nods and puts it in her lap.

then the man goes "now, what should we have for the side?" and the kids both simultaneously start cheering "macking cheese!!!" and the man spins on his heel and marches off, presumably to find the macking cheese.

later, the little boy comes wandering back to the counter while his father looks on and loudly and proudly proclaims that he wants to know where the mustard is. i point him to the correct aisle, he nods, says "thank you mister deli woman" and walks away.

[trochaic-mutant-ninja-tetrameter]

🎶Half a pound of cheddar! Where's the mustard?🎵

[scurviesdisneyblog]

Do you love the color of Mary Blair?

𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙰𝚍𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝙸𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙼𝚛. 𝚃𝚘𝚊𝚍 (𝟷𝟿𝟺𝟿) 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚙𝚝 𝚊𝚛𝚝✧

[jellogram]

It's crazy how humanity invented bicycles and decided to try it with one big wheel and one small wheel BEFORE they tried having two wheels the same size

[beemovieerotica]

[mbta-unofficial]

Holy shit queen