Whenever I post her, I usually refer to her as “my daughter”. Pero di ko pala narealize yung bigat nun.
To be honest, cat person talaga ako. But she’s cute. Besides, who doesn’t want to be around someone so adorable, right? I don’t want to say that my world revolved around Coco especially during my “lows”. Most days, she’s plainly what I told you as she is. Our dog. And then she died.
I wallowed in guilt and depression for the next few weeks after her death. I didn’t know that it would hurt that bad. Maybe, it was guilt. Part of me says that I am to blame for her death. If only I paid more attention. If only I didn’t blame her for being what she is. If only I cared more. If only I was a bit more patient.
If only. If only. If only.
I know that my parents find it ridiculous when I told them about how I feel on Coco’s death. That it made me not to want children more. That feeling is still here months after her death and it seems that it won’t go away anytime soon.
During her last hours, I feel her struggling but fighting for her life. She wants to live. Even I felt that. But when she continued to suffer from seizures, threw up blood and hyperventilate, I knew the she won’t make it. It didn’t stop me from praying that she won’t die though.
I went home with her blood all over me. I was listless. I can’t process anything my brother says to me. All I know then was I am not ready for that kind of feeling again.
Sorry I still can’t let you go. I don’t know when I will be able to.
areudirty
theartofmadeline
origamiaround
stormborns
jacobvanloon
snowghoul
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