My mental health has taken a huge down turn this past year and I’m honestly about ready to give in. Im on my last breath.
Honestly I just need to let it out. Regardless who sees this…there’s not much you can do. I’m done with life. I’ve found a painless way to end things and it’s over. I’m done trying to stay afloat for only to have to lift myself back up again every few weeks. I’ve dealt with my depression and BPD for almost a decade now (medicated) but I’m just tired…I’m tired of all the friends I’ve lost, the relationships that have ended. I’m tired of being by myself for so long. I thought trying to settle down in a city again would help forge new connections but it’s only made that feeling worse.
The end is not the end…at least not my belief. I’m a firm believer in reincarnation that’s there’s life after death, so maybe our paths will cross again. I wish they would, I’ve met so many wonderful people since 2015 and thought I could hold on and get through this but my mental health has just kept spiraling downwards.
I tried jumping off this balcony last night but could never get the courage to take that first step. I sat there on the ledge for hours until the sun came up hoping I could just let go. But even though my mind knew once I let go it wouldn’t be my problem anymore, even as drunk as I was my body still wouldn’t let me. So I’ve found a way to take that control out of my body’s way.
Just thanks for all the memories you’ve all left with me and hopefully I left some with you. Live a good life and maybe we’ll see each other in the next life.
