spilled thoughts

20/female. i post poetry and astrology.  unless stated, i don't own anything 🌸

[excerptsfrom-myheart]

daffodils

my glistening sunlight,

my blush and gold aurora

my inflorescence of citrine and white

my soft kisses, my safe touches

hidden beneath my skin

all over my sheets

entangled with my thoughts

running through my mind

as it facilely effaces anything,

and anyone

before you

until it's all you

only you

and if all this should come to an end

know I would still do it again

for your inspiriting smiles

for your traffic light kisses

for every "yes baby"

for the defiant streaks of white sitting amongst cedar strands

for the other half of my soul

for your dancing flames; untamed, wild.

dispel my doubts

make me brave

each whispered truth reaffirms how little I really know

my open book, my whispered echo

your contemplations reverberate softly

within the chambers of your esoteric mind

flowing through my soul

they land right under my skin,

all over my sheets

entwine with my thoughts

and if all this should end

know I would do it again

-01.28.24

[excerptsfrom-myheart]

ilay.

freckles;

like specks of the earth scattered all over you

grounding, warm, familiar,

everywhere.

specks like stars, sewn within the skies

entangled and entwined

with the unknown, the unchartered.

warm beige and brown sparks

like the prelude to a fervent flame

like they're coming straight out of the engine of your v4

freckles; tan, like stagnancy

in an instant, an ignited amber

tan again

freckles; and I'm lost in thought

freckles; all over you

all over me

[excerptsfrom-myheart]

flying

her heart beamed with joy every single summer when vacation time came around. she loved dubai. she loved boston. but, those places weren't the reason for her happiness. she loved to fly. plane rides had become one of her absolute favorite things. being in the sky for so long made her heart race; it exhilarated her. and so, she fell in love with flying. that was, up until the day she moved. she left behind her best friends- but they kept in touch. and after that, it was okay. flying still made her happy, regardless of the bad memories she'd learned to link with it. then, she moved back. and it hurt like nothing ever had, not even moving the first time, or when she found out her dad cheated on her mom. not even when her dog candy got taken away from her. no, this hurt more. and she still cries time to time about her parents. and when candy got taken away, she sobbed for three hours straight- but not this time. the type of pain she felt this time was worse than any other form of pain she'd ever experienced. it hurt like silence and it hurt like acting fine. regardless to say, the mere thought of flying gives her anxiety now. gone were the days where plane rides meant adventure and excitement. now flying meant only one thing- leaving someone behind. and it's kind of sad if you think about it, how little experiences can ruin something so beautiful for someone who loved it oh so dearly. but, she's in love with stability now. and going on drives- not quite as exciting; but they make her just as happy. 

writing from the archives

[excerptsfrom-myheart]

i love you  and you hurt  so i hurt  and you hurt me  so i hurt  because you’re hurt  you hurt  and heal  i still hurt 

poetry from the archives

[excerptsfrom-myheart]

a poem from when i was 19

i think it’s my fault; 

i think i jinxed us 

i say this because 10/16 months were sleepless 

and i cried on my 19th birthday 

no

you made me cry on my 19th birthday

and there’s this weight on my chest that just doesnt go away 

it stays

and it stays 

and my mind can’t help but wonder 

if it’s all of that weight 

you’d always say i take off your shoulders 

coming together 

and crashing down on me 

all 

at 

once 

[excerptsfrom-myheart]

you ask me if you can come with me to work- and i make an excuse. i make an excuse because everyone gets tired at one point when i let them come with me. but you keep asking and so i say okay and we spend the day together; it was hot and you had to wait around and we didn’t find seats on the bus but you were laughing throughout it all. you were smiling and unbothered and i got lost in thought at around 5:30pm- in the midst of rush hour with people pushing and shoving and screaming- you stand there still. telling me it’s fine with your light hearted smile. it’s okay. it’s not a big deal. it’s easy. you’re easy. it feels easy with you. it feels light. it feels like a breath of fresh air, like flowing water. like being stuck in traffic isn’t actually my fault. like we could go to kadikoy right now without thinking twice if we wanted to. you feel like golden sun rays and lemonade and warm summer days and hope. 

back to reality. i look up at your eyes; what colour are they? you look away but you don’t know i’ve been looking for a while.  pools of golden honey and caramel swirled with subtle specks of verdant green. i’m trying to decode exactly what mix of colours make your eyes yours. yours. yours. 

“stop looking at me like that” you say to me-you smile as your eyes squint; the lines around them become more pronounced- they look hand drawn, fitting your face perfectly. 

“i’m trying to figure out what colour your eyes are” i reply. i’m nervous, infatuated, confused, curious to know what colour your eyes are so i can think about them later. so i can write about them to get everything i’m feeling onto paper. 

you look directly into mine- butterflies. and suddenly i can see my reflection in your eyes. 

[excerptsfrom-myheart]

on love

what is love next to being seen? next to being questioned? 

you ask me why i overwater every plant i own- nodding your head as i stumble over my words to try to explain that i was never taught how to stop. and now it’s lighter, a piece of me from the depths of what felt like my incomprehensible soul is now yours to carry- and you do it with such ease, as though the crushing burden of the very pain that made my strong shoulders weary amounts to almost nothing; and i am liberated. 

what is love next to being tenderly picked apart, piece by broken piece; gently, intentionally- what is love when there is being touched with caution? when there is being held delicately; when you deal with me intentionally, with purpose, deliberately. what is love if not a safe space? a place to seek refuge in an unrelenting world? forgiveness especially for you, because it’s you; flexibility within the rigidity.

speak to me softly; speak to me with heed, and i will do the same for you.

[lipikkawrites]

The toughest battle you will ever face is between what you feel and what you know.

-@lipikkawrites

[genterie]

by Sarah Bahbah

[photografya-deactivated20230917]

[excerptsfrom-myheart]

i felt a rush of blood to my head- passion coursing through my veins. like clockwork, my hands reached for my notebook. a million thoughts in my head; a million feelings begging to leave my chest, through my pen, onto paper. my hands aching to write, body pleading for release. yet i sit helpless, unable to find the words. nothing feels more natural to you than pen on paper; fingertips on keys. there’s nothing you are more fluent in than writing away your thoughts- but you aren’t articulate. you have so much to say, but you struggle to turn your thoughts into words. your mind travels a a hundred miles a minute, yet theres so much you feel that nobody will ever know. so many poems unwritten, so many thoughts unsaid. stories written for you and you only. entire universes existing entirely for you. because you can't find the words to get them out.

articulate, m.h.

[carving-trees]

[blossomfully]

[cwote]

Are you hurting right now? I’m sorry. Times can get bad. Life can sometimes be down right shitty. Maybe you relapsed for the first time, or even the tenth time. Maybe you had a panic attack and isolated yourself from friends and family today. Maybe you’re someone who thinks they don’t have any friends or family to care about them. For whatever it is you’re going through, I want you to take a deep breath, fuck it, take 5 deep breaths. In through your nose and out through your mouth. Relax. Remain calm. You can do this. Life will go on and you need to be around to see what happens next, okay?

[certifiedladykiller-deactivated]

[frails-deactivated20200726]

[demiiwhiffin]