In every phase of life that we enter, we’ll find ourselves growing and becoming a better someone than we were before. That’s our goal, ultimately, yes? Be it graduating from school, promoting to a higher position, changing career as a whole, moving into a new family, becoming someone’s lifetime partner, stepping up to be a parent etc. The list goes on and our growth doesn’t stop. We continue to reach out to achieve the best version that we can be, even with challenges coming through our way.Â
As many around me would have known, the recent phase that I just got myself into was my commitment to marriage life. In which I would like to highlight in this post of mine. Something so dear to my heart and something I wish you (my dearest sister(s)) would be aligned with.Â
“Remember that by marrying you are completing half your deen. When both spouses strive to please Allah, their marriage becomes an act of worship. This will please Allah and He will reward you with happiness and stability in your marriage. #marriage #HalfOurDeen“
That’s my goal, and on days that I seem to be astrayed, I hope A reminds me the same. That’s the goal of marriage right? To be able to walk hand in hand, side by side with our soulmate, towards Jannah in shaa Allah. A and I are still adjusting our new lifestyle, and still are adapting and accomodating to each other’s wants and needs. It will get easier, I know it will, keeping our faith in Him.
It is without a doubt that Allah has dropped some challenges for me the past few months and alhamdulillah, A and I have been coping well. It is also without a doubt that I ever questioned myself “Why did I get married?” Not that I have lose my interest or love A any less, but I questioned myself was I even ready for all these challenges? Could I have been better if I gave myself sometime before “risking” into this marriage life? My mind would be clouded with questions that I myself am unable to answer. On bad days, I would cry and trying to keep myself sane by talking to Him, the All-Hearing. On good days, sometimes I forget about Him. Isn’t it contradicting? I caught myself in cycle. I looked for Him on bad days, while looking at him (my partner) on good days. That’s not right.Â
My imaan rises and drops inconsistently, and it is a battle within myself. Now everytime I face any challenges, I will tend to backtrack a little -- Did i forget Him? Did I miss my solat? Have I not talked to Him in awhile? When was the last time I recite a surah from the Quran? What’s my purpose in life? My mind falls back to Him. I knew at the very second that I have failed again, I have failed to keep my imaan above average, to at the very least do the bare minimum, the ones that are mandatory. I failed, I get up, I failed again, I get up again. This never ends, it’s a cycle in which I pray that Allah keeps forgiving me each time I failed, for He is the Most Forgiving.Â
My purpose in life includes getting married and getting myself closer to Allah. I see marriage as an opportunity to grow and offer my best of abilities to my husband, which in return will be rewarded by Him. I’m way far off from our beloved Khadija or Aisha. Not even close, but I believe it’s worth a try to learn about them and get inspired by their stories. I’m still learning, sis is trying haha.
What I have learnt and served as a reminder is that my dear sister, marriage is not a game. It is a lifetime commitment that you have agreed upon the moment your partner pronounced you to be his wife. Maybe it’s still early for me to preach about marriage. But I hope you would consider my thoughts about it. In my opinion, marriage is about compromising to one another. It’s not easy to adapt to a new lifestyle, especially when both come from a different upbringing. It’s never gonna be easy, but it will get better, and it’s gonna be worth it. With responsibilities and time-managements being the big fractions of commitment, both parties should play a huge role in managing them. It’s a two-way street. It’s inevitable that your marriage would be questioned in the hereafter, alongside personal and family/friends matters. Set your priorities right, and just do your best in shaa Allah, He will guide you.
