i t s L i n a

Why are you stumbling around here?

[exquisiterants]

Bangsat

Ada kalanya aku berpikir diriku bangsat. Aku memiliki orang tua dengan keuangan stabil, sehingga aku tak perlu memikirkan bagaimana cara untuk membiayai kuliah. Aku memiliki adik yang lucu. Aku memiliki hewan yang lucu. Aku memiliki kandidat pasangan hidup yang siap menjadi pemandu sorak pribadi dan mendukung ku menjadi 100% manusia berguna. Aku memiliki hal yang ku butuhkan, aku merasa cukup. Namun di kala kerumunan ramai aku dapat merasakan detak tak karuan, aku kelabakan oleh pikiranku sendiri. Aku tidak suka sensasi ini. Bangsat kau Lin, ada jutaan manusia di luar yang tak bisa dilahirkan menjadi dirimu saat ini tapi kau justru tidak bersyukur.

[exquisiterants]

Di Balik Tembok Keraton

Keberagaman seksualitas tersimpan rapi dan rapat di balik tembok-tembok tebal keraton.

Mau kau hapus seberapa jauh? Semua ada tiap zaman. Ini bukan produk barat, apalagi gerakan liberal. Bukan maksudku itu buruk, bukan. Hanya saja rasa adalah rasa. Perasaan tersebut menembus ruang dan waktu. Tak perduli di mana ia dilahirkan. 

[exquisiterants]

Life gives me so much option that I was so afraid to take it for granted. I need to relearn my own book. Is it real or just a scrap of nothingness?

[exquisiterants]

Teratai

Sayang, paham kan aku. Bila mimpi itu datang dari-Nya, mengapa Ia masih memberiku hilir yang sama? Bila semua perasaan ini datang dari-Nya, mengapa dirimu sebuah dosa? Anganku sebuah dosa, mimpiku pun sebuah dosa. Mereka menginginkanku mati. Aku suguhkan topeng agar semua tak beriak lagi. Mereka mengagumi lili airku, aku tenang, sayang. Sementara ini. Sayang, mereka ingin kau menghilang saja. Ribuan kali aku meneriakkan isi kepalaku, mereka tidak akan paham sampai mereka merasakan ketidakberdayaanku. Kini hanya keberanian yang tersisa. Pembuktian atas anganku di mana telaga tak beriak, dan dua lili air serupa dapat hidup bersama selama-lamanya.

[books-n-quotes]

“How do you get so empty? Who takes it out of you?”

— Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

[exquisiterants]

Too many times people exchanging meaningless platitudes, and when the true moment of testing loyalty, thrustworthiness, and love came, so many fell in defeat. She didn't want to be one of those people

The Moment It Began

[books-n-quotes]

“I don’t know if we’re alone in the universe but I’ve met plenty of people who are alone inside themselves.”

— Iain Thomas. I Wrote This for You

[books-n-quotes]

“There are a few great souls in my life. They are not many. They are few. You are one.”

— Anne Sexton, A Self-Portrait In Letters

[sleevesofgrass]

16 Things I learnt in 2016 1- You can lie to yourself as often as you please but always remember, we can often tell when we are being lied to. Covering up the truth with perfectly fabricated lies does not make it any less true. 2- You can not control how people react to a situation. You can do your very best to try to lessen the blow or to keep the explosion contained but this will rarely help. Let them react how they must, it is their way of coming to terms with what is happening. 3- Nothing will ever be the same as your first love, but usually this is a good thing. We often let ourselves to set no boundaries when we experience a new thing, we have no recollection of what is wrong and what we should put our foot down to. Your second love, or your third, or your fourth should not be the same as your previous one, it should be better. 4- You must make sure that you have the self-respect to realize when something is deprecating. Just because it’s something you have always had does not mean you must always have it. 5- The world only sucks if you let it seem that way. Have the maturity to take off those glasses that only see negativity and notice that maybe the universe doesn’t actually hate you, it just seems that way because you refuse to get yourself out of certain ruts and never do anything to better yourself. 6- Things do not have to be so over complicated. If you want something go for it. No one can look after you as well as you are able to look after yourself. 7- Jealousy is a dangerous emotion. Try not to let it consume you. 8-  If you aren’t careful, over time other people’s problems, illnesses and fears can become your own. Sadness is an evil emotion that will suck you in if you are not cautious. Make sure you are able to step back and identify if what is making you unhappy is actually your problem or if you are letting someone else’s issues become your own. 9- New beginnings are beautiful, and exhilarating. Try to remember this when something ends. An ending is actually an invitation for something greater to come your way. 10-  You can always tell when someone is putting effort in. They either want to talk to you or they don’t, they either have time for you or they don’t. Don’t be fooled by fake “I’m sorry’s” and “I’m just busy,”. People either put in the effort you deserve or they run the risk of losing you. It is just that simple. 11- Mental illness is in no way an excuse to treat people like shit. Your life might suck but that doesn’t mean everyone around you deserves to be your punching bag. They have their own things, learn to deal with yours in other ways than being terrible to others. 12- You have to take things as they come. Don’t try to figure everything out beforehand because you will soon realize that you will spend far too long re-configuring it all later. 13- You are not controlling for trying to look out for people or for wanting certain things from them. But you must be willing to compromise somewhere in the middle. 14- Don’t question happiness. Who cares if it’s fleeting. Nearly nothing lasts forever but that is okay because that allows us to discover so much more. 15- You do not have to forgive someone right away, but there is a fine line of holding onto something until you are ready to come to terms with it and torturing yourself with irrelevant pieces of the past. 16- Love has no limits. There are no hard fast rules of who you can fall in love with or how quickly you are allowed to love someone. Not a single person on this planet has the right or authority to create rules about intangible things. Love is love, plain and simple.

and here’s to the experiences that have taught me these things /// s-eren-dipi (via sleevesofgrass)

This could be my 2017

[goodquoteco]

May we meet again in ten years in another life, when things are right, when our hearts aren’t broken, when our thoughts aren’t a mess, when the ghosts of us aren’t haunting us, when we won’t have to turn our backs on each other and lead another road, when it’s our right time to fix the broken to love again. By then it won’t be the wrong time or a forbidden love, it will be another chance to make things right when we couldn’t before.

R.K (via goodquoteco)

[best-shower-thoughts]

The best criminals are the ones who you have never heard of. / cr

[sheet-masks]

[ A L O N E ]

[unearthingthedead]

Transcript of the 911 Call made by Joseph Parker 2 days after he had shot his wife, Samantha Parker, and left her for dead. 

November 7th of 2014, Joseph Parker from Springfield, Tennessee, called 911 at about 2:45am on a Friday morning and told authorities that he had shot his wife and upon checking on her 2 days later discovered she was still alive.

Dispatch - 911 what is the location of your emergency?

Joseph - Yeah, 2-4-6 Clydesdale Lane.

Dispatch - Can you spell it for me?

Joseph - C-L-Y-D-E-S-D-A-L-E

Dispatch - You’re in Springfield?

Joseph - Yes, Springfield Tennessee, it’s right out by Oakland Farms.

Dispatch - Okay, what’s going on?

Joseph - Alright this is what’s happened. Uhh, we’ve been married 12 years. On… On the 4th which would have been 2 nights ago at 4am, umm… I shot my wife, in the temple of her head. I thought I’d killed her and uhh, I put her in the freezer, out in the garage. I checked on her tonight and she’s not dead. Uhh, she’s umm… Got a big hole in the temple of her head and umm… Uhh, to get her body moved around in there I think I broke her wrist. You know, she was frozen from being in the, in the thing. She’s been in the thing for 48 hours now. Uhh, this is no crank call, I need somebody to get out there and help her out. I’ve cleared the premises, I got away you know? I’m not gonna be there. Umm, but I promise you this is a legit call and I need somebody to get out there and help her cause I love… I still love her, it’s just hard, hard to believe that after that you know? But umm I need you to get somebody out there to help her.

Dispatch - Okay, what happened to cause you to do that?

Joseph - Umm… It’s a long story, don’t want to get into it just wanna get into getting somebody out there to help her. It’s… I left the front door open, I left all the lights on in the house… So it would be kinda easy to spot. It’s the last house on the right on Clydesdale Lane. Umm… But I left the front door open and she’s in the garage. You go through the kitchen to get in to the garage, you’ll see her once you get in the garage and she’s a mess. She can’t talk. I could get her to blink. Blink once means yes, blink twice means no and uhh… You know? Uhh… So I told her I’m going to go down the road 10 to 15 miles and I’m gonna call 911 and get you some help out here. I’ve… I’ve thought she’d been dead 2 days and when I checked on her she was still alive. She’s been frozen for 2 days. She’s frozen solid, it’s amazing she’s still alive. Umm… She’s got a big, a big hole in the temple of her head. I shot her with a 38 caliber hand gun and there’s a big hole in the temple of her head. I didn’t see an exit wound uhh…

Dispatch - What is her name?

Joseph - Samantha Parker.

Dispatch - Is she a white female?

Joseph - Yes.

Dispatch - Okay, how old is she?

Joseph - Uhh… 43 years old.

Dispatch - And how long ago did you leave there?

Joseph - Uhh… An hour ago.

Dispatch - And that’s the last time you saw her?

Joseph - Yes, that’s the last time I saw her.

Dispatch - And she’s still in the garage?

Joseph - Yes, she’s still in the garage. I made her as comfortable as I could make her. She tried to drink a little water. Uhh.. You know it’s been (Inaudible) leave her gone. She’s, she’s in bad shape. I really need somebody out there to help her.

Dispatch - And the address is 246 Clydesdale Lane?

Joseph - Yes, mam.

Dispatch - Okay, what is your name?

Joseph - Uhh… My name is Joe, I’ll just leave it at that, you know? I don’t wanna get arrested and all that so uhh… We don’t have a history of domestic disputes. You know, we never had to call the police or nothing, we just had a real bad night except for (Inaudible) the gun around uhh… Got myself in trouble so umm anyway, uhh I really need somebody to get out there and help her.

Dispatch - Okay, we’ll send somebody out there to her.

Joseph - Mam, it’s like urgent, you know? I mean I think she’s dying, you know? She’s got a a big hole in the temple… Where there temple of your head is, you know what I mean?

Dispatch - Right.

Joseph - Uhh, hopefully you know… I love her. I still love her so you know? I’ve loved her every day I’ve been married to her. We just had a rough stretch here and uhh… Anyway, checked on her and she’s still alive and I want… I want somebody to help her that knows what they’re doing. And I gotta say I (Inaudible) so…

Dispatch - Okay, we’ll send somebody out there.

Joseph - Aright. What was your first name?

Dispatch - I’m not gonna give you my name, Sir.

Joseph - Okay. That’s fine. Make a note on there that I left the front door open, and all the lights are on. And to go to the garage. She can’t yell for you, she cant yell, but if you go to the garage… That’s where you’ll see her, once you get to the garage.

Dispatch - Okay. We’ll send somebody out there.

Joseph - She needs you know, paramedics. She needs everything, she needs an ambulance you know, she needs… Trauma. She’s trauma. I mean she’s a trauma patient, she might need a helicopter umm… You know, so please get somebody to her.

Dispatch - Okay.

Joseph - Okay, thank you.

Dispatch - Thank you.

Joseph - Okay.

(Call ends)

*throughout the whole call Parker remains calm and collected and speaks in a matter of fact tone.*

You can listen to the 911 call here

When police arrived on the scene they found Samantha Parker dead in the garage. “She had been shot in the head and was partially dismembered and stuffed into a freezer.” 

Joseph Parker fled the scene before police arrived. After a short run from the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation and the U.S. Marshall’s Service, Parker was caught in a traffic stop near mile marker 12 on Interstate 65 in Kentucky where he pulled out a gun and shot himself inside his car and died instantly.

[exquisiterants]

K E R E N

[wordsnquotes]

If you are lucky enough to find a weirdo never let them go.

Matthew Gray Gubler (via wordsnquotes)

[exquisiterants]

Well I've already come this far.

[oatmilkcore]

boys are so cute?? like when they turn away laughing at a joke you made or how tall and lanky they are or how their eyes light up when they smile???

but also

girls are so cute??? they’re so soft and their hands are so small when they’re cupping your face and their hair smells good??

[exquisiterants]

It works on me.