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○○ eyez | epilogue

The bedroom was spacious now that most of the things were gone from the shelves and walls—the closet was nearly empty, and the dressers were completely barren. The bed was vaguely dressed, and sitting at the end of the bed was a young woman with a head full of curls. With a phone pressed against her ear, she yawned slightly as she listened to the conversation on the phone. She ran her polished toes against the white carpet below her, and she chuckled softly as she licked over her lips.

“Girl, it’s already amazing up here. It’s gonna be everything when you get here,” The female’s voice on the other end insisted.

“Yeah, I can’t wait to see you, Neisha. It’s been boring as hell down here since you went up there,” She said before she noticed the male coming in her doorway. “But I should be there soon. It’ll take us a couple days for all of us to get up there. Then I’m going to visit my uncle while I’m up North Carolina so it’ll be a minute before I actually get there,” She said.

“Bet. Well I’ll see you then?” The female named ‘Neisha’ said, and the girl nodded. “Be safe on the road, Niya.”

“I will,” She hung up her cell phone beore she glanced up at the young man. “What’s up, B?” She asked.

“They’re ready to go,” He said, and she nodded as she stood up slowly. “Wait…before we go, I got you somethin’,” His deep baritone filled the young woman’s ears, and she stopped moving before he took a step forward.

He pulled a box through his pocket, and he handed it to her before she raised her eyebrows, opening it slowly before she laughed softly. “Yo…is this real platinum or are you trying to fuck my skin up?” She asked.

“Shut up and put it on, Janiya,” He smirked before she pulled out the platinum charm bracelet. “I saved up a year’s worth of cash for this shit, so you better not lose it,” He warned.

“Nah, I won’t,” Janiya stared down at the charms on the bracelet, and smiled a bit before she reached over and hugged the male tightly. “Thank you, Braeden,” She mumbled.

“You’re welcome,” He said before he pulled away from her slowly. “Don’t be acting up in New York, a’ight? You know the streets is watchin’, and I don’t need no problems,” He warned.

“Shut up. I’m a good girl,” She chuckled a bit before she grabbed her duffle bag. “You just take care of mom and dad while I’m up there. And Brianna and J2—care for them too,” She said.

“I got you, sis. But for real…take care of yourself up there,” Braeden said, and she nodded before he grabbed her bag, and they headed out of the bedroom.

They headed downstairs of the familiar home, and once Janiya hit the last step, she glanced around the first floor before she took a deep breath.

The memories that flooded her mind seemed to hit her at full speed; from the cookouts in the summer that she spent with her family, to the nights she spent where her father would help her with her homework, to the first time her and her mother argued through her teenaged angst—it was all in the house. She remembered watching her younger brother grow, and the night her parents came home with her other two siblings. She remembered when they brought home a ‘girlfriend’ for Leo, and when the two had puppies. She remembered burying Leo in the backyard when age finally got to him, and she remembered raising one of the puppies as a ‘replacement.’ She remembered the first boyfriend she snuck in to hang with, the first sleepover, the first time she cooked in the kitchen with her mother, and the first time her father attempted to teach her how to make an instrumental beat. It was bittersweet—she wouldn’t be seeing this house for a while.

Janiya Cole had spent most of her life in this house, and now she felt like she was leaving a part of herself behind.

The young woman had just turned 18 in the spring that she graduated high school, and it had been a long road for her family. She didn’t realize the power of her parents until she was twelve years old—when her father Jermaine was honored at an awards show, and her mother Beija was given a humanitarian award from Harvard University. Ever since she had tried to find a way to balance being Janiya and being ‘J. Cole and Beija Cole’s daughter.’ Even with the stress that came with trying to pull herself from her parents’ shadow, she couldn’t have been more elated that her parents had contributed so much to the world. Janiya felt this sense of pride knowing what her family had accomplished.

Her father was considered a legend in the eyes of many rap fans, but to her he was just her father. Jermaine was a silent guy for the most part when it came to showing his personal business to the world but to his family, he was a goofball with wisdom beyond his years and the kindest eyes one could ever see. He’d give the shirt off his back for those he loved.

To the world, Beija was the ‘wonder woman’ of the music industry, finding and shaping the talents of music’s biggest names that had become staples of Janiya’s generation of music and music culture. She was a philanthropist and a highly-regarded advocate for women’s and civil rights. But to Janiya and her siblings, Beija was the soft as silk yet tough as nails matriarch who worked hard for everything she wanted and would burn the very earth she stood upon for her husband and children.

it was a trait that both parents shared, and what they taught their children with all their effort - family was always the most important thing in life.

Throughout her childhood, Janiya could remember every dance recital and every basketball practice Jermaine attended. She could remember all the times Beija sewed a ripped leotard, and every new pair of sneakers she bought to make sure her daughter had the best game going for her. She remembered all the tutoring they made sure she went through so she could be as smart as she was talented. She felt like she was only a fraction of the woman she was because of the love her parents showered her with. She was certain her siblings were just as blessed to have Beija and Jermaine in their lives.

The love she had with her siblings was just as strong; Braeden was the second born of the family and the two were as close as close could be. When Jermaine officially retired from rapping, he decided to open a business—he inherited the Demarco family restaurant and named it after Janiya’s late grandfather; it was then that they discovered Braeden’s singing skills. It was always said that he was basically his Uncle Rashaad reincarnate. He damn near looked like the man, acted like him, and had musical talent just like him. Jermaine always said that it was no coincidence that Braeden was born on the same day Rashaad was murdered and as Janiya grew older and learned more about her late uncle, she was starting to believe it as well. Her other two siblings had the luxury of being fraternal twins—Brianna and Jermaine Jr. were literally like two peas in a pod; wherever one was, the other wasn’t too far behind. Their bickering made it seem less and less likely that they’d stay close, but whenever one needed help, the other was always there for them. Janiya was the oldest and she took care of all of them the best she could.

“Niya?” Janiya looked over her shoulder at her mother, and she tilted her head as Beija smoothed out her flowing skirt. “You ready to go? Everyone’s outside,” She said. Beija had gained a bit of weight over the years, but she was exactly how Janiya saw her all the time: curvy with an afro of curls and a smile glimmering even within her brown eyes. Although Janiya adoped her father’s height and was a bit taller than her mother, Beija’s no-nonsense attitude always seemed to make it clear that she was a figure of authority.

“Yeah,” She said before she hoisted her bag on her shoulder, following her outside.

Once everyone was in the rented RV, the Cole Family were off towards their destination—New York City.

“Why you hogging all the food for? Stop being fat,” Brianna’s shrill voice sounded throughout the RV as she snatched the bag of chips from one of the boys’ hands. The female’s light brown eyes rolled before she plopped down on the couch, before she popped a ruffled potato chip into her mouth.

“You two can’t go a minute without acting up,” Janiya calmly commented as she flipped through the issue of Essence magazine, seeing the article on her younger ‘cousin,’ and her latest art exhibit that she had hosted with her father. She had to remind herself to call Uncle Cody to see how he was doing.

“It’s not my fault Junior is a bottomless pit. All he does is eat and be a burden,” Bri crossed her legs as she spoke, glaring at her twin brother.

“Wow. You sure you’re not some stray mama got off the street?” Junior sneered, and Janiya shook her head as she watched Bri toss a chip in his direction.

“Y’all better not be acting up back there,” Janiya chuckled softly to herself as she heard Jermaine’s voice from the front of the vehicle.

“That’s your son,” Bri complained.

“I will not miss these fights of yours,” Janiya mumbled to herself as she crossed her legs, scrolling through her phone before she heard Childish Gambino on the oldies station—she could hear Beija exclaim how this was her song and the RV soon rumbled with the bass of the song. Niya could remember the endless Saturday afternoons when “Redbone” was played through the house while the family cleaned. It was either Beija with the R&B oldies, or it was Jermaine playing old Nas and Big Daddy Kane.

That was the one perk of having parents that dabbled in the entertainment industry—even though he mostly worked with movies and music production now, Jermaine was known as one of the greatest rappers of his generation; he and Kendrick Lamar were Braeden’s favorites. As for Beija, she had been the A&R for many successful artists until she decided to go back to school to get her doctorate. Now, she taught others on how to be successful A&R’s and managers. The story was that they both worked for Dreamville Records when they met over 20 years previous, and it was one of the ironies that the label was still going strong. Her uncle Ibrahim was still hard at work as the head of one of the leading labels in the industry, and he promised his daughters and his nephew Braeden positions within the label once they finished college.

Janiya still wasn’t sure what she wanted to do with her life, and sometimes it troubled her. She was on the way to her father’s legacy college on a general studies major at the moment only because she was still unsure what she wanted to do. Braeden had made it clear that he was going in their father’s footsteps, Brianna was certain that she wanted to get into image branding and advertising, and Junior was convinced he’d be in the NBA. All the Cole kids seemed to be focused upon becoming something great and living along the same lines of excellence as their parents did before them. But as for the oldest Cole, she just was uncertain of what she would do. She was just grateful she made it to 18, and to college—she figured she’d figure out what she wanted to do with time.

After a day of listening to her siblings bicker and her parents reminisce of past days on the open road, the family stopped at a rest stop to get some rest for the night. They had been driving for most of the day, and they didn’t have too far to go once they woke up in the morning. They’d make a quick visit to Uncle Zachary’s house, then take on the rest of the way towards New York City. While the rest of the kids got their dinner and bedtime rituals in, Janiya was sitting on the steps of the RV, glancing up at the sky as she felt the sweeping August heat.

“Hey there,” Janiya glanced up and saw Beija standing over her. “Wanna go sit?” She nodded her head towards one of the nearby picnic tables, and Niya nodded before she stood up to her feet. She led the way towards the table, and she sat on top of it while Beija sat in the seat. The chirping of crickets surrounded the area as the stars twinkled above them. The slight smell of exhaust fumes seemed to almost mask the scent of pine, and now that the sun was gone a small breeze seemed to chill the air. “How are you feeling?” Beija asked.

“I don’t know,” Janiya scratched at her leg before she wrapped her arms around her knees, leaning over as she felt some of her curls fall in front of her face. “I guess the usual anxiety that comes with going to a new school. And I’ll be so many states away from the family,” She explained.

“I felt that way when I transferred to NYU,” Beija nodded as she sighed, glancing up towards her daughter. “I remember how afraid I was to move, and wondering if what I set out to do would even come to fruition,” She explained.

“At least you knew what you wanted to do. I have no idea,” Niya chuckled softly to herself before she sighed, glancing down at her shoes. “I feel so much pressure, ma. You and daddy set this real high bar and I don’t think I can reach it. I know I’m going to go through a whole semester of ‘Oh my God, you’re J. Cole’s daughter,’ and I just…I can’t even fathom trying to fit into you or dad’s shoes,” She revealed.

“Then don’t try. Be you, Janiya. You know J and I wouldn’t care what path you choose…as long as you’re happy and you’re living legally,” Beija placed a hand on Janiya’s knee. “You want me to tell you a story?”

“I’m not in the mood for one of your tour stories. I know all of ‘em anyway,” Janiya could tell the most likely edited version of the story of how her mother and father met, fell in love, and took over the world.

“Not that. It’s a story about you,” Beija replied, and Janiya raised her eyebrows slowly as she glanced at her mother, slightly more intrigued and willing to listen. “I never told you about the story of your birth,” Beija further explained.

“Oh…you haven’t,” Janiya hardly heard stories about her birth—she had always heard about Brae’s birth, or about the fact that Bri and Junior were born in the waiting room of the emergency room instead of an actual hospital room, but she hardly ever heard about the day she was born.

“I found out I was pregnant with you when I was living in New York. Jermaine and I had been with each other for a little while and well, I was terrified of course. My first child, and the way we got together still had me feeling a way about myself as a woman,” Beija began. “The whole pregnancy, I just wanted a healthy baby and to be a good mother to it. We moved to North Carolina, and we found out you were a girl…that same day, your father proposed to me,” She chuckled to herself, and Janiya smiled a bit. She could vaguely remember her parents’ wedding, but she was so young that she could only piece together memories through stories and photos. “But when you were born…your umbilical cord suffocated you. The doctor told me that you died for a couple of moments.”

“What?”

“Yes. And I…I was so heartbroken. I thought that I had failed you,” Beija had never disclosed this information to Janiya and not only was that surprising, but the strong and confident woman Janiya always knew seemed to be way more subdued in front of her now. “I was so depressed afterwards that I tried to end my own life,” She continued, and the turn in Niya’s stomach made her bite into the flesh of her bottom lip. “Looking back…that was the worst decision my depression ever made for me. You taught me a valuable lesson throughout my recovery, though. I learned how to fight through my demons because your love for me was greater than any hate I had for myself,” Beija looked up at Janiya before she reached up and gently rubbed her cheek. “That’s why I try to keep you from being discouraged about your life and where it’s going. You fought death and won…and so did I. I got to watch you blossom into the most beautiful woman I know, and I’m so happy that we’re both here,” Beija sighed before she looked down at her sandal-clad feet, sniffing slightly. “I’m sorry…emotions.”

Janiya didn’t say anything as she watched her mother try to pull herself together; she slowly moved off the table and sat on the seating area next to Beija before hugging her tightly. “I love you mom,” Niya said softly.

“And I love you always,” Beija leaned over and kissed her temple. “Go take your shower so you can get into bed.”

Janiya nodded slowly before she headed onto the RV. As she was getting on, Jermaine was getting off; she chuckled when he ruffled her curls, and Janiya glanced back as she watched the older man walk over to where Beija was sitting. He sat next to her, and the two of them embraced each other once he sat down. Janiya smiled softly to herself before she closed the door behind her.

The next morning, the Coles had a breakfast at a local pancake diner, and they got back onto the road. The rest of the way towards New York was pretty much a straightaway until they made a stop in North Carolina. Janiya got a chance to see the first home she ever lived in; her father gave an animated tour of the home, right down to where her nursery was. After making more stops to visit the kids’ uncle and paternal grandparents, the family drove to Fayetteville, which was only a few towns over; the kids got to finally see the now ‘historical’ 2014 Forest Hills Drive, and Janiya was given another new story for her memory bank; apparently, this was the spot that not only Jermaine started his dreams of becoming a rap star, but the day he realized he was in love with Beija. It was weird seeing her parents reminisce over something so odd, but she couldn’t ignore the sparkle in her mother’s eyes when she spoke of Jermaine’s kindness and care for her throughout that fateful summer that they worked with one another. Janiya had dated here and there; some were amicable break-ups, while others were full blown heartbreaks. But no matter what she felt about love, she knew that if it didn’t feel the way Beija looked when she laid eyes upon Jermaine, she didn’t want it.

The family parked the RV at her ‘uncle’ and ‘aunt’s’ house in New Jersey for the night—Ibrahim and Nicole were Jermaine’s oldest and dearest friends, and had been a vital part of all the kids’ lives from when they were young on up. Janiya had a squad of ‘uncles’ who served as proper godfathers; Abbas had always been seen as her ‘cool’ uncle, always knowing about the latest trends and electronics. When he and her aunt Lauren returned from their constant trips, Janiya could always expect a gift from him. Cody was definitely the ‘Hennessy Uncle,’ who was loud, vulgar, and funny as hell. Whenever he came down for the yearly ‘family reunion,’ he was always leaving Janiya in a fit of laughter. She wasn’t sure how auntie Yana dealt with him, but she was the only one who could subdue the man. Her uncle Damon and aunt Sara were mysterious and a bit more serious than the rest of the uncles and aunts, but they were kind-hearted and were whom Janiya talked to whenever her parents didn’t ‘get her.’ But out of all of them, she was the closest to her ‘Ibby;’ Ibrahim was her favorite, and she never ceased to make it known. It was a joy to see him and she was happy that he and Jermaine would be driving her and Beija to New York personally.

The next morning, Janiya parted with her siblings and hit the road with Ibrahim, Jermaine, and Beija—they’d be dropping Beija off at NYU first for her semester of teaching, then Janiya over at St. John’s.

“Man, remember when we first drove to New York, J? I remember you literally fogging up my windows trying to look up at everything,” Ib laughed softly as he drove into the city. Janiya chuckled a bit at her uncle’s jab, but she couldn’t help but to peer out the window herself.

“Shut up—I was amazed, shit. It was like nothing I had seen before. I knew right then this place was a long way from Fayetteville,” Jermaine replied.

“I can’t believe it,” Janiya mumbled to herself. “I’ve been all around the world because of you guys, but this…this is different.” She said. “Even though I’ve been here several times, it still feels different and new.”

“Oh yeah, it’s different indeed—wait until you’re paying $10 for a burger meal every other day,” Beija joked.

The four continued their conversations until they finally reached the apartment building that wasn’t too far from the New York University campus. “First stop,” Ibrahim parked the car before he got out to attend to Beija’s bags.

“Y’all get out and give me my love,” Janiya followed her mother’s instructions, and was embraced by Beija as soon as she could get out the car. “I love you so much, Niya! Call me if you need anything at all, I’m right across town you know,” She reminded.

“Of course,” Janiya nodded.

“And please don’t be afraid of the subway—the rats aren’t that bad if you don’t stare at them too long. And don’t let these cab drivers bully you,” She rambled.

“Yes ma’am. Now go,” Janiya chuckled before giving her mother one last hug.

Janiya watched as Beija approached Jermaine, and the two embraced before the man placed a kiss upon his wife’s forehead. “I’m proud of you,” He replied, and Janiya couldn’t help but smile.

“I’m proud of me too,” Beija said, and once she gave Ibrahim and hug and cheek kiss, she grabbed her bags before she headed towards the building.

“Alright, let’s get you to your spot,” Jermaine patted Janiya’s shoulder, and the remaining three returned to Ibrahim’s car.

The ride to St. John’s was quiet; Janiya didn’t mind the silence, however. She licked over her lips as she saw a bunch of kids walking along the sidewalks, heading towards their dorms. The whole weekend had been move-in day for those who were living in dormitories. Janiya had her things sent up to her dorm a couple days before she arrived, and all she had now was the two bags in Ib’s trunk. She’d have a week to unpack and organize, then she’d start her classes the following week. The thought of walking into a lecture hall seemed to make her nervous—she had to remember Beija’s words from a couple nights back, and she had to focus on the positives. She had made it to college; a lot of her friends didn’t. Some of them fell under the spell of the streets, others got babies, and some lost their lives along the way. Janiya had fought to be able to go to college, so getting through it would be her ultimate goal. She just hoped that by then, she’d know what to do next.

“Alright, all passengers off,” Ibrahim announced, and Janiya slid out of the backseat before Ibrahim grabbed her bags. “You need me to carry these, Niy?”

“If you want. Show me around a bit, guys. These are your stomping grounds,” She joked, and Jermaine chuckled as he adjusted his shirt.

“They were, baby. But it’s been a long while since I’ve even seen this place. God, it’s changed so much,” He grabbed Janiya’s hand, and the three of them walked through the parking lot towards Janiya’s dorm building.

They walked through the lobby and Janiya took the time to register herself and grab her building entry card before she headed up to her floor with her relatives. Once they got to her room, Ibrahim sat her bags on her bed. “Come here, girl. Give me a hug,” Ib embraced Janiya tightly, and she giggled as he rocked her from side to side. “I’m so fuckin’ proud of you, Niya. I mean it. If you need a day or two away from this shit, come down and see me and Nic. I’m sure Sabrina and Selina would be happy to see you too,” He said.

“I’ll keep that in mind! Thanks for the offer,” She smiled. “Thanks for driving me down here too. I love you Ibby.”

“I love you too, baby girl,” Ib kissed her temple before he patted her shoulders, pulling from her before he looked her over. He shook his head before flashing a small smile; it almost seemed like he was reminiscing about something. He glanced back at Jermaine and he nodded at the man. “I’ll be in the car,” He walked towards the door and before long, Jermaine and Janiya were alone in the single-spaced dorm.

Janiya glanced at her father and she took a moment to look him over—Jermaine had looked the same all her life. Aside from the elongated dreadlocks and the glasses he wore, he still looked like a lanky and tall figure. Signs of age shown in his features, from smile and frown lines to the crow’s feet that slightly creased the corners of his eyes. But his eyes still held that soft yet powerful stance that was able to make anyone trust his word. Some of his hair was grey as well, but Janiya Cole would always recognize her father. He cracked a smile, and his slightly crooked teeth only made her smile as well. “You look just like your mother. It’s insane,” He said.

Janiya chuckled softly before she crossed her arms over her chest. “Oh yeah?” She asked.

“Yeah. But you got my eyes…I can tell, now. Because you looked at me how she said I looked at her when we met. Like you were looking through me…” He paused before he rubbed at his beard. “This is so weird.”

“It is,” Janiya agreed before she looked down at her sneakers. “But hey…I’m a phone call away, you know that, right?” She asked.

“I know. It’s just…when you were born, I was the first one to hold you. Now I’m the one letting you go,”Janiya glanced up and she could see the light dim in his eyes—the sadness that filled them next was enough to make her eyes water. “I’m proud of you, Niya. You gotta know that.”

“I do. You tell me every day,” Janiya chuckled as she wiped away the stray tear that escaped her eyes. She was soon welcomed with Jermaine’s warm embrace. She laid her head on his chest, and she listened to the thumping of his heart.

“Remember when you were younger and you asked me why I didn’t wanna be ‘super famous’ anymore?” He asked, and Janiya burst into laughter.

“Yeah! I remember that, actually. You never gave me an answer either,” Janiya glanced up at her father as she spoke.

“This is the reason why. Imagine…I could still be rapping, and somewhere overseas giving a concert to tens of thousands. But I would have missed this. There’s so much I would have missed if I had kept going. You, Brae, Bri, Junior, your mama—you all are the lights of my life. Sure, I have awards, plaques, and lifelong fans, but you guys are the reason why I feel like I’m the greatest,” He explained. Janiya held onto Jermaine a little tighter, and the two quietly embraced for a moment. She could hear the soft sniffs from her father as he pulled away, and her eyes fluttered close when he placed a tender kiss to her forehead. “I left a gift in one of your clothing boxes. Take care of it,” He said, and he pulled away fully before he headed for the door.

“I love you daddy,” Niya spoke to him, and she watched Jermaine stop his movement.

He nodded before he reached for the doorknob. “I love you too. Always.”

He finally opened the door, shutting it behind him.

Janiya sghed softly before she began to unpack her clothes and began to put them away. She had gotten through three boxes before she found the gift Jermaine spoke of—on top of her folded clothes, there were two notebooks. One was worn and torn, and the other was brand new. She grabbed the notebooks and she sat on the bed before she opened the older notebook. She bit into her bottom lip as she ran her fingers over the page, and she gasped when she read over the familiar words. “Dad,” She croaked before tears brimmed her eyes, and she wiped them away before they could hit the page. She remembered reading through her mother’s favorite book—it was a book of poetry Jermaine did during his years in college. Despite Beija’s copy becoming a bit worn itself, she said that she had no idea what the original copy looked like or where it was. But now, Janiya had what she was sure to be the original copy. She sniffed before she grabbed the new notebook, and opened it to see the first page—‘I wrote what I saw. What do you see? Tell me,’ was written on the first page.

Janiya laughed to herself before she shook her head, closing the newer notebook. “Soon, daddy. I’ll tell you everything,” She said to herself.

She moved from the side of the bed to the head of it before she grabbed her music player. She put her earbuds in and turned on one of her playlists before she began to read through the poetry as she had done so many times before. Once she experienced college, maybe some of his poetry would start to make more sense. It would motivate her through her hard times and although she wasn’t able to see him all the time, Jermaine was always by her side in this manner. Soon enough, she hoped that she would be able to tell her own story of her life from this point forward and one day, she would tell Jermaine all about it.

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