Facts About Bisexuality

Bisexuality is defined as the attraction to two or more genders. This blog is safe for ace/aro, trans, and nonbinary people, and open to people of all orientations. FAQ | Dictionary  ~currently inactive~

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Fact: The rate of relationship violence against bisexual people, particularly bisexual women, is much higher than for people of other orientations. Your sexuality does not make you less trustworthy or less desirable as a partner, and it should never be used against you or seen as a “problem” in your relationship. Source [x]

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Fact: You don’t have to choose a side. Orientation is not a binary between gay and straight, and even if you end up in a monogamous, long-term relationship, you continue to exist outside of that binary because who you are is not the same thing as who you are with.

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Fact: Bisexuality is nothing new. The attraction to multiple genders is far, far older than biphobia is. 

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Hi, I recently came out to myself and others as bisexual. The problem is, I come from a very religious family that believes bisexuality is a sin. My dad is a pastor so I’ve got the pressure of that on me too. I came out to my parents a few days ago, and although they say they still love me and such, my dad seems to think of it like it’s something that can be fought and cured. He thinks that unless I fight my own sexuality, than I am not a true Christian. I disagree. What should I do?

It was very brave of you to come out to your family not knowing how they would react. I am sorry that your dad sees this part of you as an illness to be cured or an enemy to be fought. He is wrong: your orientation is morally neutral, simply another aspect of who you are. It also is in no way incompatible with Christianity. Mentions of homosexuality only occur in a couple of places in the Bible and never at all in the Gospels. Yet, some Christians choose to focus on these mentions while ignoring problematic things the Bible says about topics like slavery, or even things that might just seem inconvenient, like dietary law. Their choice to fixate on homosexuality reflects an agenda that comes from a place of intolerance towards those who are different. They use the Bible to reinforce their intolerance, but it is not the source: the Bible is not particularly concerned with sexual orientation. It is concerned, most dramatically in the Gospels, with treating marginalized people with love and acceptance.The first thing you should do is remind yourself about all of this. Build yourself a set of emotional armor: you know that your orientation is not an illness or an enemy, but it can still hurt to hear that from someone you love. Then it is up to you to explore your options. Sometimes bigoted parents have open minds and will change their viewpoint if their child tells them that their words or actions are hurting them. Some, unfortunately, don’t, either because they are too invested in their beliefs or because they derive their worldview from a source you can’t access, like authority figures above you. If your dad is the first kind of parent, you can try to talk to him about how his attitude is affecting you. In this situation, making yourself vulnerable and keeping the conversation personal rather than overtly political can help sway him. If he is the second kind, you’ll need to hunker down and wait, minimizing conflict until you’re independent. Good luck, anon.

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I’m bi. I’ve been denying it to myself for years. In high school I wrote in my diary I could never love my kid if they were gay. And the other day I sat back and realized I’ve been hating a part of myself that I can’t change. I’m bi. I don’t think I can ever come out to my family, they’re the reason I’ve been against it for so long. But I’ve come out to myself. I’m bi. And that’s okay. I don’t have the courage to ask a girl out, but it feels good to stop denying who I am. I am a bisexual woman

I’m proud of you for coming out to yourself. It’s a big step. It’s okay if you never want to come out to your family. The most important thing is to love and accept yourself for who you are, because as you said, your orientation is a part of you that you can’t change. Welcome to the community, friend. 

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Is it possible to be Bisexual and demisexual? I have dated both men and women but they have been through friendships first, I have never looked at someone and thought them as being hot until I have gotten to know them

It’s definitely possible. There are lots of people who are bisexual and demisexual! 

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i'm 14 and i'm just lost. there have been moments where i've felt gay as fuck and i think even fallen in love with members of the same sex, and there have been moments where i've been attracted to members of the opposite sex too. i am attracted to both sexes, but obviously because i'm 14, i can't have sex, because of this, i think i might be biromantic. will my desire for sex come when i'm 18, am i actually bi, am i biromantic? (a 14 y/o talking about sex is weird, i also felt uncomfortable.

It’s okay, there is nothing about our identities that is “adult only.” It’s been a while since I was 14, but I think that’s just about the time that sexual attraction starts kicking in. But, it doesn’t usually feel like seeing another person and wanting to have sex with them. It’s more like having a crush on someone and wanting to be physically close to them, wanting to touch them or hug them or kiss them, feeling a desire for intimacy through physical contact. You don’t have to actually have sex or even want to have sex with someone to experience sexual attraction.That feeling might kick in for you and it might not. It’s okay to choose a label now and then potentially change it later as you get older. You can also identify as bi and know that you fall under the bisexual umbrella whether you’re biromantic asexual or biromantic and bisexual. 

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I recently realized that I am bi (it just make sense!). Ive come out to two of my close friends from high school and both have been extremely supporting and am working on a way to telling my parents (Im not concerned about their reaction, they are open to the idea). I am concerned about coming out to my housemates: every time one of them gets drunk she makes homophobic comments, especially about lesbians. Im just sad that that such a big part of me could never be shared because of her judgement.

Congratulations on figuring out your orientation and welcome to the community! It’s really tough to be in an environment where you’re not sure if you’d be accepted. You should probably talk to your housemate about the comments she makes while she is drunk. It’s possible that having a conversation about it while she is sober could help to confront her biases and change her mind. If she only says these things while drunk, it’s likely that she knows that what she is saying isn’t socially acceptable, but she has some underlying homophobia. She might not have examined her beliefs, and the fact that she is concerned about what is socially acceptable might make her more responsive to you. It also might be helpful to come out to your other housemates first so you can ask for their advice and support about the housemate you’re concerned about. 

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hey:) dk if you're still active but i was hoping i could get some advice. so i came out as bi to my friend around 2 years ago and she's been rly cool about it. long story short, ive developed some pretty strong feelings for her and i'm not sure if i should tell her or keep it to myself and wait for my feelings to pass :/ im afraid ill ruin our friendship and make things awkward between us.. sometimes i THINK i see signs that she may feel the same way about me but im probably being delusional hA

I’m still active, although sometimes I get behind on asks! Congratulations on coming out to your friend, although I’m sorry you’re stressing about your feelings for her! I think what you should do depends on whether you’re certain she’s straight or not. If you’re certain, you should probably not tell her how you feel because you might risk awkwardness without a chance of anything coming of it. But if you’re not certain, you’ll never know for sure unless you talk to her, and there are things you can do to minimize the risk. You can tell her that you’re really grateful for your friendship and that you think she’s awesome and ask if she’d want to go on a date, but tell her that if not, that’s okay too and you’re happy with your relationship as it is as well. The only way to know for sure is to ask!

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Fact: Bisexuality is not as uncommon as it might seem. We are often closeted, often erased, at times invisible, but we are here. We are a large part of the LGBTQIAP+ community.

From a 2013 Pew Research poll [x]

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Fact: Bisexuality is an identity, not a lifestyle. Your relationships don’t make you more or less bisexual.

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What does Cis mean? I'm new to the LGBT+ community and I don't want to offend my best friend {she's bi} xx

No worries! It’s always okay to ask. A cis person is someone who is not trans, someone whose gender identity matches the gender they were assigned at birth. Literally, it’s a Latin prefix meaning “on this side of,” as opposed to trans, which literally means “across, beyond, changing.” 

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I'm a cis girl who only was attracted to/dated men. I never wanted to label myself as hetero but (after the definition) I was straight. Now I met a girl and first I crushed on her jokingly, telling my friends she is that lesbian crush bc she's super pretty. But now I spend more time with her and I think I question my sexuality for her bc she's such a beautiful woman and I just want to love her. Now a few queer people told me I'm not a valid bisexual bc I was straight. Am I not a valid bisexual?

Who told you that? Every queer person in this heteronormative society starts out with the assumption that they are straight and cis, and only discovers over the course of their life that they aren’t. Previously thinking you were straight is completely normal. It doesn’t mean you can’t be bisexual! It’s even possible, although less common, for your orientation to change over time, either because you have a naturally fluid orientation or because of some major life event or trauma. I do not believe that it is possible to intentionally change your orientation, but that’s not what you’re talking about here. I can’t imagine why those queer people told you that, but just because they are queer does not mean they are right. They invalidated you as you are discovering more about your orientation and starting your journey to understanding and labeling your attractions and they are wrong for doing that. You are a valid bisexual and you are welcome in this community, regardless of your past experience or how long you thought you were straight or even if this is the only woman you ever develop feelings for. You are still equally, wonderfully, beautifully bisexual.

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Hello:) I have really been questioning myself for a while. My problem is I like boys and girls, but I think I would prefer to be with a guy? Is this a common or actual thing?

Yep, this is an actual common thing! A lot of bisexual people have preferences for one gender over others. Some people’s preferences are fluid, or split between romantic attraction and sexual attraction. Personally, I feel that I’m more frequently attracted to guys, but more intensely attracted to girls. It’s also possible to have dating preferences that are distinct from how you actual attraction manifests, i.e. being more attracted to one gender, but preferring to date another one. You’re not alone!

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I feel bisexual but heteroromantic. Like I would love to have sex with a girl but I don’t see myself marrying anyone but a man. Is that weird and invalid?

Not weird, not invalid, not “basically straight” or “not enough” or anything else you might be worrying about. It’s normal, it’s okay, and you still belong in the LGBTQIAP+ community. We are a diverse bunch, and that diversity should never be rearranged into a hierarchy. You’re part of that diversity, not a slot in a hierarchy. You’re as bi as I am.

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Hey. I’m searching for other people who realize they’re “a little gay” or bisexual who aren’t comfortable being out to themselves. Even tho! Other people in their life know about it and are totally cool with it.

This is really common! It could be a little bit of internalized biphobia, which is something probably most bi people deal with at some point, or even just uncertainty with labels or worries about what others might feel. I’m sure I have followers who are in the same boat! 

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I'm 16 and a girl and I'm sure I like girls but I'm not sure I like boys, because when I kissed boys I didn't feel as much as I did when I kissed girls;so right now I'm in a wierd place because I don't know if I like girls and boys or if I just like girls but I still feel something for boys because when I first realized I liked girls I really repressed those fellings by trying so hard to make myself only like boys... do you have any advice?Thanks(btw I'm not english so Im sorry for any mistakes)

Hey, your English is actually great! I understand exactly what you’re feeling. Our heteronormative society exists all around us, but it also gets inside our heads as well. It’s really common for bi girls or lesbians (or anyone who isn’t straight) to convince themselves that they are straight. This can involve lesbians believing that they like guys, as well as bi girls thinking they like only guys. It can be hard to sort them out, especially when everything is new and your feelings are hard to pin down. My advice is to give yourself time. Realizing that you like girls is a huge, huge step! It might be that your attraction to guys is a little different or less strong, or that you’re not attracted to guys after all. It will take some time for your feelings to make themselves clear to you, but if you’re patient with yourself, it will become easier over time. I’m sorry I can’t give you the answer, but I know that you’ll be able to figure it out with time.