gash

what we keep in memory is ours forever

[fadedbruise]

“i would die to see you smile.”

in heaven, smoking is good for you, and i sit and watch you smoke your hand-rolled cigarettes.

in real life i hear you inhale during every quiet moment in my aching head.

wasted time?

the sun shines on your smile. when i come home i smell you in my hair.

keep smiling.

[fadedbruise]

4:27 a.m. 8/20/19

I see how they look at you I see how they look at you I see how they look at you it’s just like me I’m one of them but I’m something better something closer something further but I’m something worse I make it worse. They fucking wish they were me and I am a deer in the fucking headlights over and over and over. You run me over but you never know it, we could be over and I always know it, I’d see you if I were blind and we’ve always known it. If you loved me a fraction of the way I love you not even death could shatter us into pieces. No one could love you the way I love you and that’s a fucking fact baby. Dancing in my eyes even if I were blind, I would destroy my life to plant a kiss on your eyes, lofi earth shatter grave goodbye. God if you only knew.

[fadedbruise]

I AM SO DEPRESSED I AM SO DEPRESSED I AM LITERALLY SO DEPRESSED I FEEL SO FUCKING EMPTY THAT I FEEL SICK OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!! OH MY FUCKING GOD

I DON’T WANT TO BE ALONE ANYMORE

[fadedbruise]

GET UR SHIT TOGETHERRRRRRRRRR

[fadedbruise]

[fadedbruise]

i want to go for a walk but i don’t want to get dressed or get ready and it wouldn’t help anything anyway. literally anything that i want to do cannot be done because of my fucked up foggy brain depression. everything i do is the same. i fuck shit up for myself but have no fucking idea how to have gone about it differently. i would endure torture to feel your sleeve brush against my wrist. lol i think of you and lose my entire train of thought. “something that’s right in front of everyone. that’ll make their lives better.” you are right in front of me. you make my life better. i just want to wrap myself in fluffy blankets and lie down. i would cross the earth to watch you laugh. if we were sitting in front of the universe being created my eyes would still be on your face. as always, i feel as though i cannot tell anyone anything. i feel at home in the overcast but i need the sun to come out. I HAVE OVERCOME THINGS SO MUCH FUCKING HARDER THAN THIS WHY IS THIS AFFECTING ME SO MUCH. do something meaningful! DO SOMETHING FUCKING MEANINGFUL

[calimarikid]

No Doubt

Live ‘96

[fadedbruise]

i am in love with a person whose name is also a word just with an extra letter at the end and i live in constant fear that i’ll make a post somewhere saying “i love [that word]!!” and genuinely be talking about the word but that i’ll accidentally spell it like their name and everyone will be like i fucking knew it

[fadedbruise]

you are so beautiful you walk in the sunset i see you i look at you

sunset glow you are so beautiful

[fadedbruise]

my daydreams and my sleep dreams have become indistinguishable, written in the same language, i don’t even have choose to think about you anymore. you’re with me always if not in real life then in my mind and i cannot be bored knowing you exist. when you walk away to go home for the night you have not left me at all

[fadedbruise]

it’s so fucking funny when someone you’re unrequitedly in love with bumps into you or brushes off you or smth and they say sorry like lmao don’t worry about it sis i would fuck you if you asked

[jazzisthebestformofmusic-deacti]

[luxobnubilata]

Feodor Encke (1851–1926)

Allegoria della primavera

[screenshotsofdespair]

[entiti-deactivated20180613]

[fadedbruise]

me deciding what to eat for breakfast: hmm... well option B definitely tastes better... the last time i had option B was during a mental breakdown though so that could be a little upsetting. option A is probably healthier anyway. ugh option B’s more filling though. i’m kind of in the mood for option A though. the last time i had option A was before my mental breakdown though so maybe i shoul

[fadedbruise]

in another universe—one that’s a very close neighbor to this one—we only meet once. i’m working in a café or a restaurant; you come in with some friends, and i serve you. you make a joke, or say something clever or witty or funny, not in a flirtatious way or anything but just because you’re never not funny or charming. i laugh and the interaction is the highlight of my day, and i never see you again.

that universe is so much easier but god it’s so much fucking worse