Just a dumb chic writin' fanfic. Obsessed with Near Dark (1987); I simp for Severen. Also lowkey obsessed with other movies. SFW Requests are open but NSFW requests are closed.
Hey there!! Can you write another funny story about Curly Bill?
Sure thing Anon.
Curly Bill Tries for a High Class Lady (Epic Fail)
sfw - Tombstone (1996) - Curly Bill x Fem. Reader (funny) - HC
The most basic cultural references you make go right over his head, the only thing this man is completely is a fucking idiot.
He literally makes the most crass jokes about women and insists they shouldn't vote. Plot twist, he is still wholeheartedly surprised when you want nothing to do with him.
If he sees you out at the saloon, he immediately strolls up with his cringe swagger and tries to pester you. When you finally have had enough and throw a drink in his face, he turns around to his gang mates and proudly proclaims, "I told you she likes me!" This bitch is straight delulu.
Another common way you run into him in public is catching a glimpse of him passed out in the filth behind the saloon, whimpering about how he's an 'alpha male' and women aren't smart enough to recognize it. He's a one man podcast among the trash bins (where he belongs).
One night after Bill tries again to woo you (unsuccessfully of course), Johnny Ringo approaches and asks you to play along just a little because his friend 'really needs a win'. You refuse and Ringo completely understands.
One night in the saloon during an opium-shortage, Bill literally passes out on the floor having violently shit himself. (It's like that scene with Spud in Trainspotting except Bill 100% deserves it and no one pities him.) The bartender literally has to shoe Bill out with a push broom.
One time, an actress temporarily in town with a traveling theater group is so repulsed by Bill when he approaches her, that she has to excuse herself so she can vomit out of public view. (It was partially the smell, partially Bill himself.)
You overhear his gang talking behind his back from time to time: "God, he is so pathetic." "He is such a fucking embarrassment." "Should we just kill him and then let Ringo lead the gang?"
How requests do you have atm? I hope we haven’t been swamping you during your busy-time. I hope your classes are going well!
Thanks for the concern Anon :) I've learned that trying to get to everybody's requests just isn't realistic, if its something I'd like to write then I'll be writing it :)
So that immediately made things less overwhelming and I'm in a lighter semester, so hopefully I'll be posting more.
If I may ask, what do you plan on kicking off your comeback with? We love and miss you 😢
Thank you so much, love and miss you guys too. I just posted my first HC in awhile for the colonial marines. But now I have some time on holiday break, I might write so more Near Dark content. Thank y'all for the support regardless of my horrible inactivity.
Goodness, there isn't enough love for the US Colonial Marines out there (and I've looked!) so I'm loving all of your headcanons! I did see the one you did for Hicks and autumn/Halloween, which was so cute... would you be wanting/willing to do a headcanon for the Marines with a SO who is alllll about the enthusiasm for the Christmas holidays and getting into the festive activities? (If not, that's perfectly a-okay!) 💛
Let me give it a try, it's been awhile and I'm hella rusty so excuse that. Also, I'm drunk af. Again, sorry.
US Colonial Marines Dealing With You Being A Huge Nerd About the Holidays
Headcanon - USCM x reader - SFW
Pvt. Drake
Drake is all about being aggressively prepared for the holidays.
He can get a little too into neighborhood decoration contests.
He goes out of this way to make sure you both have the best decorations on the block and establish holiday dominance.
He is 1000% Clark Griswold about the holidays. His love language is effort and the Holidays are his way of putting in the work for his loved ones and the perfect Christmas.
Also, he prides himself on making the best hot chocolate and made a point of saving his grandmother's secret recipe.
Lt. Gorman
Gorman is absolutely the type to stress himself out about getting you the perfect gift, like to the point that it is messing with him if he doesn't feel confident about the gift.
He gets nervous about doing any of the creative processes involved with the holidays, like decorating. He largely leaves you to the planning of it while he supports and does what you feel is best. Decisions stress him the fuck out and he trusts you. Whatever you end up doing he thinks is amazing.
While it stresses him out immensely, when it goes right, it makes his year.
Pvt. Hudson
Hudson can be really dense. He definitely can let the subtleties go over his head which can be stressful.
But at the end of the day, he has good intentions and is very sweet.
He definitely says low-key inappropriate shit in front of your family. But after they get to know him, they love him regardless of him being rough around the edges.
He might get you a really dumb gift but usually the thought behind it is actually so sweet.
Pvt. Vasquez
Vasquez isn't big on Christmas. But if you're into it, she goes along with it, even if it isn't her thing personally.
She isn't the biggest fan but eventually the spirit gets to her. Whether it is the 15th cup of hot cocoa or a really great night by the fire, eventually she gets a little into it and enjoys herself.
She loves cuddling by the fire and how you know how to make her cocoa just how she likes it.
The way the holidays affect you is what she loves. She loves that you want to make her feel included and special.
Cpl. Hicks
Hicks is definitely someone who thinks Christmas has become too commercialized. Charlie Brown hit him hard as a kid.
Yet, he still loves the holidays, he's just weary of the commercial aspect. He doesn't entirely see the point of expensive decorations and gifts, but you do prove him wrong when you turn the front yard into a Christmas wonderland.
He wants to focus on family largely and prioritizes time over novelties.
He loves watching old Christmas movies and is a master at hiding presents and Christmas surprises.
It’s been 7 days, will you ever return from war my dear, we miss you. 🥺🥺 I do hope everything is going well for you and you’re having a good time doing what you’re doing.
Aww thanks Anon :) I just started my full time semester like two weeks ago. I am currently swamped and will try to get back to writing fics as soon as things chill out around October.
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