[fantacleansed]

I swear to god I am going to get violent one day with someone on a train or bus because why is it that EVERY FUCKING JOURNEY there is someone who has apparently never fucking heard of headphones or is choosing to actively goad the rest of the carriage by making as much noise as they possibly can. Today’s star of the show was some woman blasting her phone at top volume, constantly looking around the carriage to see if anyone would give her attention, making stupid noises to her partner and then giggling to herself like a fucking idiot. JUST SHUT UP! And yes I’m aware I could use headphones myself and block them out but WHY should I have to disengage from the rest of the world in an attempt to stay sane! Why can’t I just enjoy ambient noise rather than someone’s cursed FYP and thicko voice! WHY IS EVERYONE SO FUCKING ANTISOCIAL I want to smack the phones out of their hands and smash them on the floor

[fantacleansed]

Want to slam my head against a fucking brick wall tbh

[fantacleansed]

Also sorry but Argentina are so fucking annoying to watch and do just seem like arseholes, I hope they lose

[fantacleansed]

How do you stop RUMINATING on everything all the time! Asking for a friend x

[givememtnspls]

California - 35mm

[fantacleansed]

Ok whyyyy did we just go to hoover and the hoover stunk of cat pee 😭 we shamefully haven’t hoovered since we got back (we have swept the floors and dusted and stuff in the meantime but just not got round to hoovering which is bad) and literally as soon as I turned it on this horrible smell came wafting out. We’ve washed it all down, replaced the filter and the bag which for some reason was wet 🤮 and are leaving it all outside to dry now. I wonder if Ally’s friend who was here catsitting hoovered up something unfortunate and Millie related… I don’t really understand how it would be pee though? Our carpet doesn’t smell… But the smell coming from the hoover is pretty unmistakable so idk what else it could be either. GROSS!

[fantacleansed]

Cleaning cleaning cleaning why is there always cleaning…….

[fantacleansed]

- Bored bored bored, I still have a lingering cough and haven’t felt up to going back to the gym yet and idk what to do with my evenings without it (especially because I spent all my money on holiday so don’t want to ask people to go to the pub)

- Scared my friends don’t like me, think I’m lame boring bad and annoying and are all going to abandon me so why don’t I just blow things up and move back to Scotland before they do

- A job has come up in Scotland actually which hardly ever happens but there’s almost 0 point in applying because Ally won’t quit his job, and it wouldn’t really be fair to expect him to give up his dream career to move somewhere with hardly any opportunities just because I’m homesick, but does that mean I’m stuck down here forever? Tired of living in a 1 bedroom flat but don’t want to move to Kent, what do

- Would it even be the same in Scotland anyway because half our friends there are having babies now whereas none of our friends here are, maybe we need to enjoy this time while we can

- A job has also come up in Berlin ie the place I will forever dream about living in and think what if I had moved there after uni. But see above. Guess I just won’t bother.

- Still in the Charli XCX baby questioning phase which makes all of the above harder! If I do want kids then I don’t want to have them 500 miles from my family tbh but it’s impossible to make the decision. Maybe it being so difficult to decide means I don’t actually want it? But also if i did want it how would I even go about it because as detailed above, I appear to be stuck in London where we have no family/friends with babies/can’t afford childcare anyway. I feel like I’m just not having them by default because it’s too hard to make a decision otherwise.

[fantacleansed]

Struggling to readjust to this “having a job” business tbh, when can I win the Euromillions and be on holiday forever

[fantacleansed]

My Ibiza clubbing thoughts now that my brain is less scrambled:

I think it’s really cool that there’s still this place where people from all over Europe and increasingly the rest of the world congregate because they like dance music. I really felt that when we went to see Sven Väth and at Circoloco especially. The crowds at those particular events really felt like they were there for the music (not least because Circoloco was so horrendously busy that if you didn’t like the music you would simply leave immediately, there was one quite annoying Dubai vibes group near us but they were at least getting into it) and it felt like tapping into something of what Ibiza must have been like 25 years ago. Everyone has come together to this special, beautiful place to enjoy this music and just have a great time and feel free, and outside of specific festivals I don’t think anywhere else like that really exists in the same way? Maybe Berlin but it’s not quite the same. Dancing in the DC-10 garden as the planes landed over our heads was crazy and felt like such a uniquely Ibiza moment. There were a few little moments of interactions with other people on the dance floors or seeing stuff go down that just felt so lovely and like yes, this is what it’s all about. My fave was some really young Americans who looked a bit geeky and like they might be on their first ever pills, one of them turned to his pal during Sally C’s set, wide eyed and delighted, and went “this is fucking LITTTT!!!” You’re so right son! It is lit!

HOWEVER

The level of ostentatiousness, money and greed on display over there makes me a bit uncomfortable. We didn’t go to anything at the big super clubs but when you try and research it all online it’s constant posts and Reddit threads and whatever about how to get VIP, how much is a table, how much is bottle service and it’s fucking insane to me. All about status and flashiness and sorry to sound like an old 90s raver commenting on a tiktok but I just don’t think that’s what dance music was ever meant to be about? And the clubs go along with it because they can make a fucking killing. What happened to all under one roof raving!!! We still go out in London semi regularly and I’ve never been anywhere with VIP or bottle service lmao. It all seems a bit Vegas and that’s not our vibe at all. Even at DC-10 which only had a tiny and not that visible VIP bit, the sheer amount of people they had packed in the rooms after the garden shut was genuinely dangerous at times and the only reason I can see for it is that they want the ticket sales money. We managed to find a little spot to dance (for Gerd Janson who we simply REFUSED to miss) but it was really really tight. I called it with about 15 mins of his set to go and said to Ally I’d just get him outside cause I was a bit over it, and it was a genuine struggle to get through the crowd and out so god knows what would happen if someone collapsed or if there was a fire. You see old Ibiza videos and it’s people dancing on the same terrace but in the middle of the day and there’s so much space, but they’re not allowed to do that anymore because of noise restrictions. No more crazy free parties on the beaches. People used to go all day bouncing from club to afters to beach party to club and now everything has to run 11-6. Not that I think I’d have the energy for that anyway but it all just feels a lot more managed and restricted than the stories you hear about and you can’t help but think it’s because then the clubs (and the family that owns all the big ones/half the island) can control the flow of cash much better this way. Capitalism sucks up everything and turns it into the money machine.

On that note it’s so fucking expensive for a drink as well fuck me. Not quite as bad as the horror stories I’d heard but why did I pay €15 for a bottle of Heineken.

It’s also quite funny to me how Ally and I are into dance music, house specifically rather than techno but like we keep up with radio shows, new releases, who’s doing what, we’re not exactly deep diggers or really embedded in the underground or whatever but we think we’re reasonably on top of that side of “the scene”. And then we go to Ibiza and the guys headlining all the superclubs, we’ve never even heard of them! And they’re selling out these massive clubs every week! Who the fuck is Hugel! The Circoloco lineups are always full of stuff we like and there are DJs we love popping up here and there every summer, but the mega clubs are like a whole other side of dance music we apparently don’t have a clue about. And tbh I don’t care to cause I’m not interested in paying €100 to stand gridlocked in a crowd of 23 year olds while they all film it.

To sum up I had a really good time, I would go back and do specific events and nights depending on what DJs were on. But ultimately it did make me wish I had a time machine and could go back and see what it was like back in the day, and in terms of the music I wonder if I’d be better off going to something like Love International instead.

[thelostcanyon]

An old Sonoran adobe house in Barrio Libre, Tucson, Arizona.

[fantacleansed]

Pretty gross and concerning that it’s basically as hot in London as it was in Ibiza. Would love another shot at that hotel air con rn

[fantacleansed]

Home from Ibiza, sad this isn’t my life anymore. I have a lot of thoughts about it as a place (especially clubbing wise) but I don’t have the energy to write them just now because I’m running on about 4 hours sleep. I also seem to have come home with freshers flu, I felt a bit sniffly and tired the other day but didn’t think too much of it cause we’d been out 3 nights in a row. Felt better yesterday, had a nice beach day and went out, and then had fully lost my voice by the time we left DC-10 at 4. It was a bit better today but I just had a v short nap and it’s gone again! Poor me. At least I have Millie now.

[fantacleansed]

When winter comes around I always threaten to move to Spain but I have to say the sheer amount of cockroaches here is making me reconsider. Maybe I love the uk climate after all. None in the hotel thankfully but we’ve seen so many on the streets when we’ve been out and about in town. Yuck

[fantacleansed]

Went to San Antonio to see the sunset last night, was a bit unsure of the vibe walking through the town cause it just felt a bit past its best (we picked up pills from our new friend from Uddingston in a British bar where we were the only customers and saw a giant cockroach) but the sunset was as gorgeous as it’s hyped up to be and everyone clapped when it went below the horizon! The people yearn for paganism. Then we went to Pikes which was great fun, it’s like a big house party in an old Ibiza mansion, loads of little spaces to discover and they don’t let in anyone under 27 lol. Feeling less delicate than we expected to today so going to another club tonight because we just love throwing away money… you only honeymoon once x

[fantacleansed]

Unfortunately though I think the UV rating here is just too much cause I managed to get burnt through a parasol today. Like my legs were literally only exposed walking to the beach toilets and back and they’re still currently on fire. It’s really unfair that I love the Mediterranean so much and so desperately need the sun for my mental health. and yet my body was so obviously built to dwell in a bog instead.

[fantacleansed]

Awkward selfie as per because I just still haven’t figured out how to do them but: got to Ibiza Tuesday, went to a natural wine restaurant out in the hills yesterday and had the best cheese and tomatoes I’ve ever had in my life. The restaurant had a cat called Carlos and I loved him. We went to see Sven Väth in a garden tonight and it was everything I’ve ever wanted Ibiza to be, minus not being on drugs (met a lovely Lanarkshire guy who can help us rectify that tomorrow though). His set was just amazing, best I’ve seen in ages, he’s so charismatic and it was all vinyl! Crowd was immaculate vibes, lots of Germans in their 50s who were clearly here the first time round and then quite a European mix otherwise but basically nobody under 30 and no posey Instagram vibes at all. It’s great going clubbing and not feeling old!